ピョンピョン

this is a side blog, I can't follow! i have this mostly to reblog what I don't want on my main blog and to post some of my coords🎀 adult 30↑ || MINORS DNI

[cat-orchestra]

Hello~

You can call me Null, I think it's time for a proper introduction and a description for the blog.

This is a side blog so I can't follow and i usually don't follow from my main account, @user-null because I know a lot of people might be uncomfortable given the type of content I share, so I'm sorry if I don't follow or give like and just reblog 🙇‍♀️

I usually just reblog what I like or what I find funny, I also post my coords here and sometimes I talk about (fictional) 🔞 that's why I have minors DNI on my bio!!

Things you might find here:

Lolita fashion/ EGL mostly

Japanese fashion (in general)

some of my sketches

me talking about my life

tamagotchi

random reblogs I found funny enough to share

If you just want to see my cords without all the other dumb stuff I post here you can find me on Instagram: @/cat.orchestra

I might edit this later if I think of more important information to add 🙇‍♀️

[cat-orchestra]

got an old walkman🫶

i feel so bad because after i asked dad to help me buy it (he’s good at winning auctions) and he ended up gifting it to me, i found my old ipod 🥲 now i have two music players

[cat-orchestra]

there’s a little issue with the screen but it’s not something that bothers me since i’ll be only using it to listen to music 🤷‍♀️

[cat-orchestra]

got an old walkman🫶

i feel so bad because after i asked dad to help me buy it (he’s good at winning auctions) and he ended up gifting it to me, i found my old ipod 🥲 now i have two music players

[beardedmrbean]

[cat-orchestra]

•

i feel like i’m a horrible person because i cannot write a dedication for my family on my paper, i tried looking for something online but when i read them i just go “that sounds too loving…” it sounds weird that i say that when i consider i’m close to my family but i have never been the type to say “i love you” to anyone in my family and i hate being like that because i love my parents but even thinking of saying feels unnatural 🙃

i even tried to copy and slightly change what the person from the work i was given as an example wrote but they are too sweet and loving when writing g to their family and even thanks their brother i could never thank mine, what would i say? “thanks for being a pain 🥂”

[cat-orchestra]

brought this thing back to life just so i didn’t have to look for the external drive i had a copy of everything i have to work with in there, the originals are here so 🤷‍♀️

[cat-orchestra]

if anyone else finds that external drive i’m dead because i have a copy of all my old art up to 2021 and there’s a lot of badly drawn hardcore yaoi in there

[cat-orchestra]

brought this thing back to life just so i didn’t have to look for the external drive i had a copy of everything i have to work with in there, the originals are here so 🤷‍♀️

[cat-orchestra]

im the type that at the time i made this work (almost a decade ago) i was so embarrassed and thought everything i had done looked horrible and terrible and i didnt want to open the book or the files ever again, now i have to work with this again also i have to look at the files and they honestly do not look bad, everything looks okay and presentable

i don’t know why i always look down at my own work

[sloppystyle]

[cat-orchestra]

i can swear i had bought the re-recording of sui suiren but maybe it was a dream…

[cat-orchestra]

i do have it

i just can’t find the disc…

PANIC

[cat-orchestra]

i can swear i had bought the re-recording of sui suiren but maybe it was a dream…

[cat-orchestra]

now i want to listen to some lolita23q…

i hate that since they disbanded so long ago they’re not on any streaming platform 🥲

[cat-orchestra]

is Sou returning?! 😭 it’s been so long, i’ve missed him so much 😭

his message saying he’s had empty and lonely days made me sad but i hope everything is going well for him ;-;

[cat-orchestra]

i’m so mad at myself because i’ve bee looking for this online to try and download it because i thought i had lost it when i actually still had it on my drive 😭

i love these songs so much and i was so sad i couldn’t find a working link anymore 😭

[suicidalwhistleblower]

I actually passed away quite a few years ago, but I'm a very private person and never told anybody.

[cat-orchestra]

•

regarding the previous post

sometimes i like to make one of my favorite characters say the shit i said because i can detach myself from the insane things that i told that person

[cat-orchestra]

•

it’s been two years and even though i wish i didn’t think about that anymore i’ve been doing a bit of introspection, like i know it was not my fault, i was lured into that but also i feel like i do have some type of guilt because of how i am when i’ve been in relationships, i know i get too attached and i know in that case anyone could say “it was because of the depression during the pandemic” and it would be really easy to blame that but if i’m honest i know it wasn’t because of that because i’ve acted the same before, you could actually say i’m a landmine type because i’m the love bombing (without the manipulation part) , a hundred calls and hundreds of texts when the person doesn’t reply to me in the expected time type, the i’m depressed and suicidal when that person doesn’t talk to me for an hour or woke up late kinda person, and i know that’s not normal and i’ve tried to change that and also i’ve tried my best to stay away from getting into anything that would bring that type of behavior back.

I feel like acknowledging this might help me in some way because i’m more aware of how i behave with others, I’m glad that even though i still have not too healthy attachment issues it’s not the way it used to be, i used to be the type that would literally fall for someone if i heard something like “you’re cute” or “i love you”even if it was in a friendly way, like, a couple of years ago if i heard that, no matter who, i was already making wedding plans… i feel like even though what i went through literally fucked me up in ways that are impossible to describe it helped me get to know this part of me and has helped me trying to get rid of it.

sometimes i think of shit i said and how fucking insane i sounded…

i know this sounds like telling people to avoid me becaue i’m not mentally well but i swear i’m getting better 🥹