The yoke must be broken.

Pope Leo can't save your religion now.

[catechismic-failure]

Behold: See, we only killed 5000 people! If you ignore all other people and entire civilizations we killed. And all the anti-vaxx shit we do. And the murdering women in our hospitals. And all the fascism we love to support. And the fact that we also had a huge hand in killing Indigenous people in North America as well.

A) I don't believe Catholics when they talk about the people they killed or are in the process of killing. B) The Conquistadors, you shitheap. You are equivocating or are so racist that you can't even tell the difference between two groups of Spanish people even when they're both doing the racism you crave.

And here I was thinking those shaving ads were the worst thing anyone did with Evangelion.

[catechismic-failure]

Do you all know about Catholicism's sexual obsession with Jesus' spear wound? Yeah, who knew the Cult of We Invented Sex and It's Only Allowed To Be Bad that only sees it as a vehicle for creating more minions soldiers believers would have stories of people having visions of sucking and fucking a dead guy's wound? And yes, according to their book, he was dead at the time. That soldier poked him after he died. So not only are they fantasizing about eating this dead guy, they also want to suck and fuck his corpse. The guys who say sex is only for straight married people and only if it's for reproductive purposes and only if the woman doesn't get off. Also, Jesus is also their dad. Don't fuck your dad. Especially that dad.

I don't really see this as ironic or hypocritical. It's just them trying to be edgy again. They're always doing that, and it's getting tiresome. It's like the evolved form of "Hello, fellow kids". Also, there's so many way more out-there kinks, even at the time. Maybe stick to parading around preserved body parts.

[catechismic-failure]

Prayer is like sending in a resume. There's no set rules, but people are flooding you with advice on how to do it properly, claiming that fabulous rewards await you if you do it right. There's also no real way to determine if any of this advice is useful or not.

Except prayer is not like sending in a resume, because sometimes when you send in a resume, you get a response.

[catechismic-failure]

Behold: Another one for the "Straight sex is actually gay" pile

This is what happens when you reduce sex to reproduction: you become stupid. It's like saying hands are only made for punching.

[catechismic-failure]

Day 186: In which I mock a high-quality product

328. What is the effect of ordination to the priesthood?

"The anointing of the Spirit seals the priest with an indelible, spiritual character that configures him to Christ the priest and enables him to act in the name of Christ the Head. As a co-worker of the order of bishops he is consecrated to preach the Gospel, to celebrate divine worship, especially the Eucharist from which his ministry draws its strength, and to be a shepherd of the faithful."

In the Catholic priesthood, everyone is that coworker.

If becoming a priest makes you more like Jesus, I don't want to be like Jesus. No wonder that guy wanted access to everyone's kids and threatened anyone who didn't like that idea with drowning.

329. How does a priest carry out his proper ministry? "A priest, although ordained for a universal mission, exercises his ministry in a particular Church. This ministry is pursued in sacramental brotherhood with other priests who form the “presbyterate”. In communion with the bishop, and depending upon him, they bear responsibility for the particular Church."

Oh, now you define that term. They do that a lot. They will just use a term without defining it and then define it a week later.

330. What is the effect of the ordination to the diaconate?

"The deacon, configured to Christ the servant of all, is ordained for service to the Church. He carries out this service under the authority of his proper bishop by the ministry of the Word, of divine worship, of pastoral care and of charity."

And how is that different from the priests? Like, I know they're different, but this doesn't explain how they're different. I shouldn't have to click the link to find this out. You should just tell me. You're trying to tell me about your religion and your beloved hierarchy except you're stopping at 20% of the way. Low-effort drivel.

Like, who is this even for? It somehow has both too much and too little information. As in the info it does have doesn't make sense to anyone who isn't a hardcore Catholic and it's missing so much information that people who aren't in the religion need to get the picture they want to show them. Is this just a way to get and sell email addresses? Seems way too high-effort for that. Are they just stupid? Possibly.

[catechismic-failure]

Behold: I will never not remember the whiny Creed song that said "we're slaves to be free" and "sexuality is democracy"

"Modern man prides himself on his "freedom," but in reality he is a slave. A slave to fear, a slave to lust, a slave to money, a slave to human opinion. He thinks that by rejecting God he will become master of his own destiny, but instead he falls into slavery to a thousand petty idols. True freedom is found only in Christ. Only He can free the soul from the fear of death, from the power of sin, from the tyranny of passions. But people do not desire this freedom because it requires heroic effort. It is easier to remain a slave than to fight for the Kingdom of Heaven."

-Saint Nicholas of Serbia

And yet, weirdly, Christians are still subject to those "idols" and "passions". They are usually even worse, actually. Almost as if Christianity only exists to justify bad behavior.

This is just another case of "If Christianity isn't working for you, you're just not doing it hard enough". Except there's also this whole idea that their god's grace or whatever is freely given, but they realize that you can't really control someone if you offer them actual freedom, so that's what all this "narrow path" bullshit is about. Too bad that narrow path leads to a meat grinder.

[catechismic-failure]

Behold: Our god is so obvious that he cannot be denied, but also he lets his rival hide his presence from people. He works in mysterious ways.

Saying people outside your in-group are not privy to your secret knowledge is what religion is all about. Everyone other than you and people who act exactly like you are not only evil, but also stupid and wearing blindfolds for no reason. Treating your enemies like strawmen in a South Park episode is completely Christian behavior. Have you not read the Psalms?

This implies there's some sort of magical knowledge that will finally make the Unbelievable God make sense. But it only implies that. It doesn't back any of it up. There's no secret Bible verse that'll make people who don't believe believe immediately. What Christians are blabbering about is all they have. They've already gotten out their best arguments and they're all comically bad. That's why it's called apologetics, because it's sorry as shit.

Oh, and when the Bible says "unbelievers", they mean, like, the mean atheist professor in God's Not Dead or the kind of atheist who exists only in stories titled "An Unexpected Encounter at Starbucks". They don't mean "Potential conversion target". I know this not because I know the original Greek or Hebrew word the authors used, but because it's obvious from the context clues.

Also, once again, why did their god just let the Devil start running the Earth he created and said was good and shit? Did Satan take it over when he wasn't looking, like when Eve ate the Fruit That Actually Does Impart Wisdom and Knowledge and Doesn't Actually Kill You?

[catechismic-failure]

Behold: And the cost? Just everything. Also you will become the most insufferable person to ever exist: a Catholic convert.

More "Catholicism is so edgy, guys!" nonsense.

Newsflash, fuckheads: EVERY branch of Christianity thinks it's edgy.

[catechismic-failure]

Day 185: Yeah, we're just letting criminal organizations run things, aren't we?

326. What is the effect of episcopal ordination?

"Episcopal ordination confers the fullness of sacrament of Holy Orders. It makes the bishop a legitimate successor of the apostles and integrates him into the episcopal college to share with the Pope and the other bishops care for all the churches. It confers on him the offices of teaching, sanctifying, and ruling."

That first sentence means nothing. "Fullness of sacrament?" How can a ritual that does nothing be full of anything? Other that, you know, lies and bullshit.

This whole "apostolic succession" bit is Catholic Serious Business. That's why the SSPX was excommunicated. It's one of the selling points of the Church... except literally any organization that's existed for some time can trace its current members back to whatever number of founders it has. There doesn't need to be a little magic show to cement that.

327. What is the office confided to a Bishop in a particular Church? "The bishop to whom the care of a particular Church is entrusted is the visible head and foundation of unity for that Church. For the sake of that Church, as vicar of Christ, he fulfills the office of shepherd and is assisted by his own priests and deacons."

Ah, so it's the bishop's job to shift around the priests when people find out they're pedophiles and to shuffle around their assets so they can pretend they're broke when they lose lawsuits about said pedophiles being pedophiles. He's a mob lieutenant.

There was a recent story about a Catholic organization called the Brothers in Christ or something that in Australia and they were somehow being even bigger rapists than usual for Catholic priests so they lost a bunch of lawsuits. Except, on paper, they don't have the money to pay these lawsuits out, so now the government has to step in and pay up.

One simple solution: make the fucking Vatican pay for it. They're sitting on literal mountain ranges of gold and property. They should be forced to foot the bill. Forever. Until the entire church is broke. No shifting around assets. Make Pope Leo write that check. I want to mock his half-hearted apologize when he's forced to write that check.

[catechismic-failure]

Behold: No, I think it's the opposite actually.

The most Christian people are those who know the least about the Bible. They don't read it themselves. They let their priests and pastors tell them about it or do one of those bible study courses. They let other people tell them what's in there and what's important.

Knowing more about the Bible has actually made me more sure that Christianity is garbage. I've seen the nonsense close up. I've seen the droning sycophancy of the Psalms, the pure hatred dripping from Paul's letters, Jesus' no-reason temper tantrums in the gospels, and so much more literally unbelievable stuff in there. It's just a big bag of leaking garbage. Why are people acting like there's something valuable in there?

[catechismic-failure]

Behold: It's good to see a classic. Sort of.

Gen AI and Christianity are a lot alike. They're both things rich people are forcing on others as a means of control. They're both massively world-shrinking, thought-destroying entities. They are both objectively bad, but they are trying so hard to get people to take them seriously. People who champion either are among the most wrong people on the planet. Both seem content on severely limiting the amount of time Earth remains habitable.

No matter how hard they try, though, there's still the errors in these things we're told are perfect. There's still six-fingered hands and contradictory Bible verses. There's no getting rid of that because that's how those things are.

[catechismic-failure]

Day 184: The only interesting part of this post is a picture of a guy in a catsuit.

324. What place does the sacrament of Holy Orders have in the divine plan of salvation?

"This sacrament was prefigured in the Old Covenant in the service of the Levites, in the priesthood of Aaron, and in the institution of the seventy "Elders" (Numbers 11:25). These prefigurations find their fulfillment in Christ Jesus who by the sacrifice of the cross is the "one mediator between God and man" (1 Timothy 2:5), the "High Priest according to the order of Melchizedek" (Hebrews 5:10). The one priesthood of Christ is made present in the ministerial priesthood."

"Only Christ is the true priest, the others being only his ministers."  (Saint Thomas Aquinas)

Yes, I'm sure these things were "prefigured" and you didn't just write them in a way to fit the stuff that was already there.

Also, the first time I heard of Melchizedek was when I played Persona 3 so this is what I imagine when I hear that name:

If Jesus was in the same order as this guy, why didn't he punch people better? This guy helped me punch people better than the character whose whole deal was punching people. Jesus never did anything like that for me.

He does look like if Bibleman was a super sentai villain.

325. What are the degrees that make up the sacrament of Holy Orders? "The sacrament of Holy Orders is composed of three degrees which are irreplaceable for the organic structure of the Church: the episcopate, the presbyterate and the diaconate."

Yeah, sure, just say shit's "irreplaceable". I don't think those outside the faithful even care. They just like throwing around words with undeserved levels of certainty about them. Like "disordered". They love calling shit they don't like "disordered". They can't order their own shit, but got the divine hypocrisy to project that onto other people. I thought Jesus said something about that, but then I remember he's a fictional character and can't say anything on his own.

[catechismic-failure]

Behold: Where's my stakes? Shit, where's my fucking stakes?

Screw the Shopping Cart Test. The actual universal indicator for morality is if seeing pictures of Fulton Sheen makes you reach for the nearest crossbow or flamethrower.

[catechismic-failure]

Day 183: A little bit of shit makes a room smell bad. A mountain of shit makes the world a worse place.

321. What are the sacraments at the service of communion and mission?

"Two sacraments, Holy Orders and Matrimony, confer a special grace for a particular mission in the Church to serve and build up the People of God. These sacraments contribute in a special way to ecclesial communion and to the salvation of others."

As, yes, the worst two sacraments. Yes, even worse than confession, and even worse than infant baptism. These two sacraments are the pillars of a misogynist organization that believes it should have power over everyone else. No amount of Mary devotion or performative charity can fix that.

322. What is the sacrament of Holy Orders? "It is the sacrament through which the mission entrusted by Christ to his apostles continues to be exercised in the Church until the end of time." "Go make an organized religion", says Fictional Guy Famously Killed By Organized Religion. It's okay because it's their organized religion and not Jewish.

323. Why is this sacrament called Holy Orders?

"Orders designates an ecclesial body into which one enters by means of a special consecration (ordination). Through a special gift of the Holy Spirit, this sacrament enables the ordained to exercise a sacred power in the name and with the authority of Christ for the service of the People of God."

So, yes, Catholic priests believe that they can do magic. Is it the miraculous power that Jesus said his followers would have after he was gone? Well, no. It's just the power of Being Able To Do Whatever The Fuck They Want Because They're The Biggest Religion in the World. They could use this for good, but nope, it's only for gaining more power and protecting rapists.

[catechismic-failure]

Behold: Stay Guilty™

Be certain that the wrongdoing you commit is always your own and yours to acknowledge.

― Saint Benedict, The Rule of Saint Benedict

Is this the guy Pope I Blame Atheism For All The World's Problems was named after? Seems like the type of guy who I would make fun of on the internet.

[catechismic-failure]

Behold: Not a religion that built pyramids, but this sure seems like a pyramid scheme.

"C'mon, guy. I just need a little more time. There's been an accident at the grace factory and that means the whole divine favor distribution system is out of whack. I don't know when everything will be back to normal, but you have to trust me, okay? You know I'm good for it! Remember that time when... well, I never actually did anything for you, but all these other people say that's what I do, and you believe them, right? Right?"

This verse doesn't even say that. It's this:

"20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

It's just some guy praising him. This is a fucking Psalm is disguise! You lied to me, Bible! You lied to me for the last time! *powers up the paper shredder*

[catechismic-failure]

Behold: I finally learn why the hell I hate GK Chesterton so much.

Apparently he was agnostic, not an atheist, but I do not expect Catholics or fans of GK Chesterton to know what the difference is or care about it. Here I was thinking, like an idiot, that Catholicism is anti-lying or whatever.

Well, this is why I'm extremely unfair to the Catholic Church. Because fuck them. They had their chance with me and they blew it.

People keep writing "CK Chesterton" which is confusing because he had a brother, but his name was Cecil Edward Chesterton, and he was a political writer/journalist and not someone who wrote quotes that make me wonder how stupid humans can be.