Catharsis

The thoughts of a twenty-something girl trying to navigate a world turned upside down

[queercutie-deactivated20160411]

overanalyze and chill

[jigglypuffsvevo]

me: tries my darndest

me: isn’t worth a darn

[whitepeopletwitter]

[thebootydiaries]

[the sky is grey and it's cold outside]

me: yesssss

[the wind picks up and it starts to rain]

me: Y ESSSSSSS

[catharticthinking]

August 2, 2020

One year on. If you’d told me 18 months ago that I would be:

- without you

- living with my parents again

- unemployed

- in the middle of a state of disaster due to a global pandemic

...I would’ve said you’re making up a really depressing screenplay for a really low-budget film.

But here I am.

365 days ago you broke my heart and flipped my world upside down.

I go in between moods about this.

A part of me realises how far I’ve come since then. And how it’s only up from here.

Another part of me still misses you so painfully that I’m just not sure how I’m ever supposed to meet someone new and have them meet me. How do you open yourself to anyone new when you will always love another?

I thought for sure that at this point I would be “better.” Whatever “better” is - I’m not that. But my best friend reminded me that that’s okay. This isn’t a logical, step-by-step process. I’m not ticking off a to-do list. There should be no expectation from myself or others about when I’m “better” or “okay.”

And that’s okay.

All I know is that it’s been tumultuous. It’s been unexpected in SO many ways. I’ve learned not to plan for or try to predict anything this year. And I’m going to try and apply that attitude to other parts of my life. Hopefully.

Who knows where I’ll be in another year? I certainly don’t. All I know is that I miss you. I still love you. I’m not worse, but I’m not completely better. And that’s okay.

[utwo]

San Gimignanno Tuscany Italy

With its multitude of towers sticking out against the horizon, San Gimignano is one of the most iconic and recognizable destinations in Tuscany. In every corner of the world, there lives someone with a dream to visit this ancient village and to feel the experience of stepping into a perfect Medieval postcard. A UNESCO World Heritage Site since 1990, San Gimignano, also called the “Manhattan of the Middle Ages,” owes its fame to the incredible quantity of towers that rose above the rooftops of the small town, as many as 65 during the days of the town’s heyday. Thirteen of those splendid towers make up a distinctly unique skyline today.

© G.Gartner

[catharticthinking]

Missing you

I’ve been doing good. Life is going pretty well, considering all the shit that’s been happening in 2020. 

But it’s when good things happen that I wish I could tell you. Update you. See what’s happening with you.

Seeing your IG posts today hurt a little. Not because I’m jealous or that my life is so bad. Mainly because I don’t get to be a part of your happiness anymore. I don’t contribute to that happiness. And that’s the most painful thing to acknowledge and accept. Because that is what will eventually lead to our relationship and time together will be purely a memory. 

[whitepeopletwitter]

[catharticthinking]

Trying very hard to teach myself to be mad and angry at you.

[catharticthinking]

Things I’d like to text him, part eighteen

[catharticthinking]

I wonder if you’ve considered coming home, amidst all this virus hysteria.

[catharticthinking]

I would just like some kind of sign that you’re alright during all of this coronavirus craziness

[stinkyhat-deactivated20231213]

BBQ

blease be quiet

[allthingseurope]

Dunnottar Castle, Scotland (by Geoff)

[coconutmlik]

me in English class: it’s lit(erature)

[meladoodle]

one time my dad tripped over some ice and was like ‘this is JUST like the titanic’

[looqa]

is this the same dad that once called you dad

[meladoodle]

no, that was a different dad. i have thousands of dads that ive synthesised in my home lab in the basement. speaking of that, the three armed one just got out again god damnit

[newblogwhosferninism-deactivate]

*uses lol lmao and rip as punctuation*