morning will come

vent poetry blog

[catsanddaydreams]

Desire and imagination are very close

Touches and words

Whispers of skin

The rays of sun give your hair

A glow

Your smile shines bright like pearls

One kiss could dissolve me

And set me on fire

I'm burning to find out

The taste of your lips

Please let you eyes linger in my direction

Give all your affection to me

[catsanddaydreams]

I do not regret the time we were apart

The time I had to spend

Learning patience

As love and gratitude

Are stronger

Knowing precisely what longing feels like

[catsanddaydreams]

I wonder when it changed.

When I started doing the bare minimum and calling it enough.

Occasionally checking in, asking questions with no real intention behind them.

Guilt lifting off my shoulders each time I performed.

How are you?

Fine.

What are you up to?

Nothing much.

How was your day?

Okay.

I didn't ask because I cared, I hadn't cared for months.

I followed the dance of love, a routine I knew every step to.

Cold and calculated.

I ignore the truth I realized long ago.

We aren't what we used to be and will never be that for each other again.

At some point I stopped asking altogether.

You've never complained, always taking the bits of myself I offer to you.

Is it me I offer?

Or simply a ghost of who I was for you?

A shadow

A memory

Do you respond? Do you love?

Do I love?

What is love if not the fear of being alone?

Are you afraid of being alone?

I know how I would answer if you truly reached out again.

How are you?

Numb.

What are you up to?

Missing what we once were.

How can we find our way back to each other?

But you don't ask, and neither do I.

[catsanddaydreams]

I wish I loved you more

And held your hand without thinking

I wish I missed you more

And counted the day we were apart

I wish I trusted you more

And came to you first with my shortcomings

But I don't

And I don't know how to start

I do not have an urge to kiss you

I have an urge to bleed

[catsanddaydreams]

One moment has many different views

A simple scene outdoors

I watch the wind play with your hair

As I wish to do

And how you are unconcerned

With the transience of it all

[catsanddaydreams]

I tried to paint my future

Bright, strong, glimmering

Yet each brush stroke on my canvase

Seemed to work against me

The more paint I used,

The less I recognized the image before me

So, I tried again and again

To form something, anything

Resembling what I once wanted

But each attempt was worse than the last

My touch grew heavier

My tones fell flat

At this moment

A thought occurred

Dreadful and overwhelming

Perhaps I never had a future

Mearly a dream

[catsanddaydreams]

I want to home anyone can join.

I want a jar full of cookies on the couner.

I want to look at the people around me without suspicion.

I want to keep extra toothbrushes in my bathroom.

I want to answer every phone call.

I want to ask the people around me for help.

I want to invite you over for dinner.

I want to keep extra blankets in the closet.

I want you to stop asking me so many questions.

I want to keep clothes you can wear.

I want you to know i'm proud of you.

I want to leave.

[catsanddaydreams]

You call me

Speak with blind lips

She isn't me

Only a fantasy you grasp with your knuckles

Growing pale

I am not broken

You hide behind a veil

Question every time I share my truth

Spend a day in my cage

Watch as the world's words turned to daggers

She isn't me

You speak to me with blind lips

But your voice seems distant

Bouncing off me and echoing

I am hollow

I am infront of you

Yet you only hear my words when she is speaking

Do you see me?