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@darlingimtryingx
I wish you loved me back, in the same energy I gave you. I'm drowning in my own thoughts and the chaos you give me. All you want to do is replace me. I wish you loved me.. I feel so stupid for showing you the real me. I'll never forget I'm the reason you no longer love me..
Leaving you was the hardest choice,
Begging and pleading
For you to see me,
Begging for change
That never would happen..
We're just strangers
With memories,
Once thought of a future..
Bleak and grey
But a future..
I couldn't stay in,
I loved you,
I waited, pleaded, begged
But I had to leave for you to see,
I'll have to carry that along,
With the certainty
You won't be in my future..
Suddenly I'm running,
Looking for you
In every face in the crowd..
Among whispers
Sometimes I hear your voice.. Your laugh.
Suddenly it's like
We're back before things broke,
Before the void consumed everything...
I know I'll never find you,
But how do I stop loving you..
Intensity of wanderlust..
Suddenly thoughts linger
Just a little too long,
Suddenly everything mundane
Reminds me of you...
Starting fresh
Covering up past mistakes. Scars.
Yet you come to life
In everything. Everywhere..
I wish I could forgive myself..
I wish you'd still be here with me..
Fated to be misunderstood,
Breaking everything down..
Burning it all down.
Every bridge.
Every connection.
Nothing was stable,
The storm inside me
Broke every foundation..
Pleasing everyone
Yet they all leave,
Breaking myself down
To fit all their standards..
Melting myself down,
Into someone I'm not..
Unable to recognize
My own reflection..
I lost myself.. Looking for love and acceptance..
Yet here I am
Burying roses
Where I died..
Loneliness rotting the insides,
My heart barely beats..
Wishing to resonate
On similar wavelengths,
Craving contact... Connection..
Longing to be understood,
Destined to be ignored.. Isolated..
Why can't I connect to anyone?
Why wasn't I enough?
Why wouldn't you stay?
Why did I have to beg for your love?
I wish I could forget you, but we both know.. I loved you a little too much..
All the same lines..
Echoing from the silence,
In the chaos
Nothing feels right..
It's slow yet sped up..
Reality is becoming distorted,
Suddenly I'm back
To feeling childish
Wanting to be a shadow,
To exist inside the lines
Where I feel safe..
No one's looking..
Before I broke my heart..
Cutting pieces of me for love..
To break myself
To fit what they wanted..
As I craved to be loved..
That to be loved
Maybe I'd be understood ..
Maybe I'd find the voice
They silenced long ago,
But all I found
Was the discarded remains
Yet I still long
For that love and understanding..
To finally exist
Somewhere outside the lines
Of the shadow..
Losing you made it worse..
Nothing made sense
Wishing it was a nightmare..
My love for you wasn't enough
For that I'm sorry
I wasn't enough...
Trying to hold
Our broken pieces,
Cutting myself
Over and over..
In hopes the glue
Holds it's place..
All the words unsaid, I could rewrite our love story.. With the ending we wanted.
Why do I beg for your love? I know I'm the second choice. That I'm only there when you're bored. Claim it's toxic, how I am. Needing attention. Being starved of my needs. I beg and beg, you broke me more and more. I wish I could walk away, I wish you wouldn't drag me around in circles.
If you loved me, why do you make me feel unloved? Why do I have to beg for your love. Your attention. You never text me back. Communication is one sided. I need to let go, but then you'll say I didn't try...
It feels like we've fallen out of touch. The colors we see differ. Our ideas of the future, our lives. They no longer match. You drag me around in circles. I beg and beg for you to love me. You throw me love, then take it back. Like I'm sick for wanting you, you don't even care about me..
How can you make me feel so unloved, claiming you love me. Discarding me like I'm nothing, pulling on my strings. Throwing little bits of attention, when I want to leave. How can you throw away, all the time we had together? How can you pretend you love me, when you break me down so badly. When you neglect me and tell me it's my fault, that I'm too much. I love you so much, but I hate you..
It's 3am. I'm missing your voice again.. Another night without you. I feel so lost, without your hand to hold. For you to guide me through the good times.. melt downs.. break downs.. We'll never share any again..
Regrets weigh me down, I'm drowning in front of everyone.. But no one seems to understand the pain, filling my heart. Bottling it all in, until it all comes out. Dusk until dawn, there's no set time..
Remembering you and what we had, Even if I could say goodbye.. I wish you were still alive under the same sky..
My reflection's shattered, which one is me? Why can't anyone see I'm broken, breaking into dust.. I smile, and convince them I'm fine.. I'm screaming and crying, but no one can hear me. They see me whole, as I slip through my fingertips.. I don't know who I am..