First off, hello, it's been a while, tumblr, hope everything isn't burning down as much today.
Let me completely honest and straightforward here. I am going to talk about ASPD, sociopathy, psychopathy, whatever you want to call it. If you are not equipped to have a civil discussion of it, please, don't. Don't even acknowledge this post if you can't talk like adults about it yet. I will not allow dehumanization or demonization to take place here. I will not allow people to admit possible crimes they may have committed here. This not a place to traumadump. This is not a place to fight about who "deserves" respect or love. I am putting my thoughts down in hopes that people will see this and have a little insight. That's all.
I also what to mention that is NOT to be used a diagnostic tool. Do NOT use this as a way to diagnose yourself. I legally cannot do that, and I have no intention to do so. in fact, i will be intentionally vague on criteria so that it doesn't happen. If you are truly curious as to whether you may have ASPD, talk to a therapist and/or do extensive research first.
Now, what are my credentials? Frankly, personal experience, my time in therapy, and doing extensive secondary-source research. I am NOT a licensed psychologist. I am a philosopher and creative writer by trade, currently in my senior year of college. I may not be an expert, but I am able to think properly and critically. Take that with what you will.
with that out of the way, i want to start with why i listed so many labels for what this is. The reason is, i don't think those labels are accurate and/or hold too much stigma to properly fit or be helpful overall to people. I also think that the diagnostic criteria are flawed, and, frankly, illegitimate for proper diagnoses. If you are not aware, the "check boxes" for determining if someone is a psychopath/sociopath/person with ASPD is mostly based on *behavior* rather than inner structures of how those people actually work (neurological architecture). This alone puts the personality disorders in general at a different standard than most other mental disorders like mood disorders (depression, bipolar) and autism spectrum disorder (ASD). The standard for mood disorders and ASD is based in neurological framework viewed *through* behavior. the standard for personality disorders (like ASPD, which is the "proper" diagnostic term for this specific topic) is the *behavior itself*. Most of the behavior used for diagnosis in ASPD is described as not only impulsive, but also criminal and antisocial (as in harmful to or against social living). low-to-no empathy is seen as a backdrop or explanatory to the behavior, not the focus like it would be for other disorders. To even take the diagnostic test for ASPD, the PCL-R, you *must* have a criminal record. The lesser-known test for those without a criminal record is called the PCL-SV, but it is not used as much for diagnosis.
There are plenty of issues with that alone, one of which is bringing counterproductive assumptions to truly trying to understanding this disorder (leave bias out of proper research people, it's the lowest bar to reach), but I want to talk about something i'm seeing around in the world nowadays in the general public. It is more a flaw in people's logic rather than anything else. It is equating (or equivocating in philosophical terms) the having of the disorder to being evil or an abuser or a criminal. That is NOT necessarily true. Not that it can't be the case sometimes (there are certainly those people out there), but saying that ALL of those with the disorder are such is blatantly false and irrational. This follows for anything you are arguing for. It's called the part-whole fallacy, saying one thing is such and so all must be the same. that does not follow. the other way around applies as well when talking about generalizations, just because the whole of the group generally shows this trait does not mean that the individual has that trait.
I will say, no, I am not immune to doing such in the past. society and media do a number on you of course. I grew up, like everyone else here, likely, learning that sociopaths and psychopaths were "evil" or always criminals. Iâve even made claims defending other disorders and actively harming the reputation of others. I have even included some unflattering portrayals of psychopaths and sociopaths (and even narcissists) in my writing thinking that those particular portrayals were âcorrectâ or âtrue to mostâ.
This of course is not okay and was never okay to do. I recognize that. That does not mean that I am bad, it simply means that I acted bad at the time. I still have time and opportunity to do good from now on.
Now, what brought all of this on, you might ask, for those who know me if you so chose to read all of this. This is another part where I will be completely honest here. I have no emotional empathy, no guilt motivator, no emotional remorse, and am very, very good at masking. Those are critical markers of sociopathy on the mild to moderate scale. I am questioning whether or not I may have ASPD. I am going to talk to my therapist about it very soon to get a professional opinion. Â
I will note that I am prosocial, meaning that I find social living beneficial, so I work to be sociable. I use writing as a coping mechanism to manage my desires so they do not become reality or a need to act on. I have no criminal record. I have no intention to do criminal acts. I set hard, rigid rules for myself since childhood to follow in order to stay out of trouble, and that has been successful thus far. I plan to keep it that way.
That is all. Remember to use your brains.
