Musings of a Black Girl in Korea @caughtinkorea - Tumblr Blog

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I've been thinking about it recently and I can't get over the fact that my first batch of elementary babies are now in college. Where do the years go? They go by so fast. Everytime my mind wonders to the thought it blows my mind. It felt like just yesterday I was teaching them. Now they are full fledged adults. Life goes by so fast. T_T

Random-ish Memory

I was watching a commentary video on that one British guy (Oli) claiming to be Korean now, and it reminded me of a strange phenomenon that goes on in Korea. South Koreans kind of see themselves in a vacuum in some ways. They believe they look distinctively and very obviously different from North Koreans. I just don’t know how they see that. I mean I can get that if they mean they dress in a different way or carry themselves in a different manner, but many truly believe they have very different features from North Koreans and I just.....

Y’all are literally the same ethnicity. *scratches head*

One of the commenters on the commentary video is a Korean-American woman who mentioned the irony of Oli trying to look like Jimin because he has gotten work done to look a bit more western. She pointed to her face and said “this is how Koreans actually, naturally look”. And this reminded me of the time my Korean ex looked at me unjokingly in the face and told me Korean-Americans had different features than Korean-Koreans. He said Korean-Koreans had smaller noses amongst other things. And I looked at him like

and he said he was dead serious. The laugh I let out because this man really believed this. He claimed it must be something in the different air that enabled this somehow.....

Sometimes Koreans aren’t even more than a generation removed and he’s here claiming the air and environment somehow changed people’s bone structure. Apparently evolution is instant.

I’ve traveled a decent amount, especially through Asia, and there was another strange thing I observed. I would people watch and noticed that in the other countries you would see a natural progression in the looks of people’s faces. Like you could look at the young people and they look like the older generations just younger. You generally saw the natural age progression throughout the population, but South Korea isn’t like that. The youth look almost nothing like the older generation. It reminded me how I’d constantly hear foreigners perplexed at why crowds in Korea(usually at music/tv shows) didn’t look anything like Korea’s celebrities. Because generally celebrities are on average seen as more attractive than the general population of said country, but often the range is not so steep. And usually there is a decently sizeable portion of the general population whose looks are on par with the celebrities that are pedestalized.

Just some random thoughts......

Heart to Heart

I recently talked with Little Brother and it was good to have a moment of similar perspective. Throughout the time I’ve known him I don’t ever remember him getting angry or upset. It’s going on 7 years now (time flies T_T). But he recently told me he’s been in a bad mood lately. Though it’s not bad, life doesn’t always pan out exactly how you want it. He said he wants to move back to Australia asap. Said he thinks about it every hour. I see it as a good thing. He has something to strive for.

The similar part came from how his mood in Korea has changed. Let’s just say his eyes have been open, and once that happens it’s hard to go back to how things were. Korea changed me over time. I started off very positive, happy, and looking forward to the new adventure of living amongst a different culture. Unfortunately a lot of my sentiment changed over the years. I noticed how the air and weather began to affect my mood or how the build up of certain interactions put a damper on how I saw things. Friends around me began to notice and I resented the ways I had changed. I even remember him pointing it out to me one day and alluding he had missed the old me and was hoping I’d find my way back again. Still always encouraging me along the way and showing he was always there for me if I needed him. Now things seem to be going in a somewhat similar direction for him.

The work culture is starting to weigh on him and he misses the clear blue skies of Australia. He’s seeing just how much weather and pollution affects personality. And it’s true. It starts to really mess with your head. The first week I moved to Korea I didn’t see the sun. It was odd to me. The sun was up but it definitely wasn’t out. I just thought it was constant cloud cover. Naively I mentioned it to one of the friends I had made early on that lived in the same apartment building. Really just wondering what that was about and why that was. She turned to me and said “That’s pollution sweety”. It still didn’t fully register in my brain at the time. But that would be a foreshadowing of my stay in Korea. Korea is gray outside like 90% of the time. At least that’s how it is in Incheon/Seoul. This is due to heavy pollution. My naïve self had never experienced anything like it before so at first it wasn’t computing.

Pollution really has a huge effect on you. And the sad thing we’ve both realized is that a lot of our Korean friends (Koreans in general) don’t know this. Like they can’t even truly grasp or fathom it because this is what they’ve lived in all their lives. It made me realize how much I took clean clear skies for granted. Little Brother also started to notice how easily offended people around him get. And this is the guy that seemingly offends no one. If anything he has a way of making everyone feel good around him. I started to notice that too. I would say things that I would have never imagined would offend anyone but somehow still did. For example, I remember having a convo with Uzi about something or another and the topic of kimchi came up. I merely said it had a strong smell and he was immediately offended. HUH?! He shoots back “Well, cheese stinks!”..... I was like Ooooookaaaayyy o_0.

In my mind I was like “What was that?”. Was I supposed to be offended that you think cheese stinks? Because I’m American? And Koreans have for whatever reason associated cheese for Americans to a kimchi equivalent? 0_o

Anyway, Little Brother found himself apologizing for bringing up any kind of negativity to the conversation. I understand he was ranting even though it wasn’t much of a rant. He hadn’t really said much of anything at all, and definitely nothing to even apologize for. His words were rather comforting because it was good to see that another person was beginning to experience things the way I did. Makes you feel a little less crazy.

🤭Trick question 🤭 Gray or Park Seo Joon

What a combination. One I would have never thought about.

I’m really struggling with this question. It shouldn’t be this hard lol.

I’m gonna say Park Seo Joon since I haven’t met him in person and I loved him in Fight My Way, plus I like his boy-next-door charm.

But also let me put it out there that Gray is the finest k-celeb I have ever seen in person and I’ve seen a lot. Pictures do him no justice. The boy is absolutely stunning.

By this summer I can finally close this chapter. I can’t believe I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a relief. Fingers crossed that it all works in my favor.

Along the Way Continued

So, about Ulsan....

He was a constantly reoccurring person the last year of my stay in Korea. I was looking back at a post I made when I first met him and this boy.... ugh.... he’s that pain you get every now and then in the back of your neck lol. He loves dysfunction. I really truly believe he gets a kick out of it.

He was the one who when we first met was arguing back and forth with me, but somehow we ended up still going out on a date. I don’t even understand how that happened. The date was cool. We talked about a lot of different things, mainly politics. I don’t think I have ever met someone so opposite from me in my life, but still everything went relatively well. But like kboys do, he ghosted. At that point I didn’t even care because I was doing the single ready to mingle thing. I had already scheduled a couple dates beforehand. So, outta sight, outta mind. Then he popped up again 2 months later, the night I had those 2 run ins with the k-cops. That was a wild mess of a night.

Anyway, Jazz ended up meeting him because of all that transpired. When everything ended in a big blow up that night he ended up taking a taxi together with Jazz because their places were in the same direction. Jazz told me he was a weirdo lmao. I said I know. He is weird, but in a strangely entertaining way. Which is why whenever he’d message me I’d still entertain it. It’s a weird I don’t necessarily mind because he’s not necessarily creepy. He’s just weird lol. I send my friends some of the things he writes me and they also get a good laugh out of it.

So after that night we met one more time in which I walked away calling him a coward because he was acting like such. Every few months he would message me just to check in. When I finally left for good to the US he called me when I was visiting NYC. He asked where I was and I told him I was back on American soil. He thought I was lying even though I let him know before that I was leaving Korea. I was annoyed. What were the chances he’d pop up when Bond was on a visit and I was staying with Jazz? -_- Jazz doesn’t like him so she wanted to curse him out when she found out he called lol. He still didn’t want to believe I had left for good so we ended the convo with him still thinking I was lying to him. A few months later he messages me again asking where I’m at. Bruh, what is wrong with you? My living arrangements have not changed. I’m still in the US, at Target at the moment. So he asked me to video chat with him so I can show him where I’m at. -_- I do it because I’m tired of the nonsense, and so we can put this subject to rest. I guess it was at that point it finally dawned on him and he believed it. We messaged a few times after this, but it was never anything really serious.

Fast forward to earlier this year. He started messaging me out of the blue again. I was just going to ignore him, but his question was so ridiculous. He asked if I was mixed.

I was curious wtf made him ask me that out of the blue. Like huh??? Apparently he saw me with a picture of my mom and thought she is Asian.

I told him just because my mom is light skin doesn’t mean she’s not black....

To cut him a little slack, my mom gets confused for everything. When she was in Mexico they thought she was Mexican. She’s also been thought to be mixed (black and white) and apparently Asian.

I was thoroughly entertained so I strung him along as he demanded to know what Asian she is lmao. I had to y’all. XD I eventually cleared it up for him.

“Hold up! Wait. Why do you know how my mom looks? Are you stalking me?” He said no and that I had forgotten that I still had a pic up on my kakao story with my mom. OOOooohhhh lol..... Wait. Why are you checking out my kakao story? O_o

Tell me why this boy said he stumbled on to some Korean ambw youtube videos and started thinking of me.....

See! That’s that weird stuff I’m talking about.

I asked him why he always kept messaging me out of nowhere(now for years). He said he wanted to reconcile. He wanted to make sure we didn’t lose contact, and that he missed me and wanted to mend things.

For the next several days he messaged and called me and was just really curious about black issues. He asked a lot of questions, and it was apparent that he was genuinely curious and wanted to get to know me even better.

I don’t know where this all came from, but when he started asking all these questions it hit me....

I asked, “Wait.....do you like me?”

He said yes. I was not expecting him to be so direct and straight forward. He said he didn’t know exactly when he realized it, but he missed me a lot.

But like, who confesses over 2 years later??? -_-

I guess he had been struggling with his feelings this whole time. It must of been this rona that gave him the courage after realizing life is short and unpredictable. He started worrying about me, wondering what I was doing, asking if I was vaccinated and to be careful, saying he planned to come over to the US and wanted to stay and travel around together for a month. Boy bye. Said he’d cook for me ... hold on now... I mean I guess some arrangements can be made XD. I kid.

After more communicating together over time he said he took me for granted, was apologetic..... and said he loved me.

I was super annoyed. -_- Koreans will throw these words around so easily rendering it meaningless. I said “Don’t you dare say that to me!” I was so angry. So he told me he really meant it. Whatever -_-

Anyway, about a week ago I told him it’s best we just end whatever this is. He calls me because he knows I’m serious and when I tell him something he knows to believe me now.

After what I told him will be our last call I tell him I’m ready to close that chapter of my life. He asks if there will be a season 2(another chapter for us) and for me to please wait for it. I say I don’t think it’s meant to be. He said he didn’t want us to end, and that he’d realized I was good for him. Says if he can afford it, season 2 will begin for us. He tells me to just wait until after summer because he’s super busy now. What happens after summer? I believe that’s when he graduates with his Ph.D. in Law and takes the bar. It makes sense since when we first met that’s when he started his Ph.D. He always played dumb, but when we got into deep conversation I’d realize just how intelligent he really was by some of the things he’d say. He tells me wherever I decide to move to he will go to meet me.

The pettiness in me is happy he’s come to this realization and wants him to live with regret for the rest of his life thinking what could have been between us. I just decided to wish him a happy life and not wait for us. It is what it is.

So he said he loved me one last time and we wished each other good luck in life. It was closure I was happy to have gotten.

Along the Way

This is such a weird point in time. I’m just thankful for stability. This is looking like it will be a year of hopefully progress and moving forward.

Lately guys are becoming a more ... pushed?... placed?... apparent...? I don’t even know how to conceptualize what I’m trying to say.

Guys... okay, I’ll just start there... I guess. My brain is all over the place.

When I’m in the US I feel no sense of urgency to date let alone meet up with people. I’m an EXTREME introvert and rarely go out. I’m a homebody like probably no one you’ve ever met before, to the point that my friends and family get angry that I rarely leave the house. They tell me to go out so at least I could potentially meet someone. Most days the thought of guys annoys me. It also pains me that I’m attracted to men. Talk about embarrassing T_T

The last couple of years I was in Korea I made attempts to shed my introverted nature and actually went on a decent number of dates or just met up with people. Some of the meet ups/dates were good, some bad, some meh. Ulsan being in the mix. I’ll get back to him later.

I went on a date with a cop. It was actually a really good date. He was very sweet, conversation was great, and he was gentlemanly. There just wasn’t a spark between us like that. Side note: If you are going to date a Korean guy, officers are the only group I recommend. The ones I have met have been the only consistent category(?) of guys there. Usually super gentlemanly, morally upright, and sweet. I would have never expected it, but that’s been the case for all the ones I have met. During my last winter there I just stopped going out or hanging out with people really. That was such a lonely and trying time for me in Korea. My stress was unreal with everything going on with me. It was during that time I met a chaebol. Let me just say it was NOT like that. We just became fast friends foreal. He wasn’t no regular degular chaebol either. Think Hilton of Korea.

It was a whirlwind friendship when I think about it. He reached out to me and we hit it off like nobodies business. We would message each other at all times of the day. There was one day we both woke up and sent each other the same message at the exact same time. We laughed about it because it showed at this point we maybe were a little too obsessed with talking with each other lol. I appreciated his humor and he appreciated mine. He was super well traveled and highly educated. Studied in Singapore and the US as a child until adulthood. He’d use words that I’d never heard people say in everyday speech, but also understood American slang, humor, and nuance. He invited me to India which I contemplated but didn’t end up going to. Everything was good until it wasn’t. We got into a fight because of misunderstandings and petty nonsense. I had to walk on eggshells in order not to say things that may offend him unknowingly. Sometimes I thought he was joking at his offense, but later things became apparent that he felt a ways. For example one day we were talking about something or another and I said “Oh, you rich rich!”. You know the way we Americans have been jokingly emphasizing certain things by doubling words over the last few years. It doesn’t even mean anything, it’s meant to be jokey way of chopping it up. This guy says “I don’t want to talk about my finances.”..........

........................................................

Literally nobody was talking about your finances. That’s not what that was meant to be. Ok... so...... now I know he doesn’t completely understand American jokes and nuances. Things just kinda snowballed from there. It became apparent to me that he was a very paranoid person. It seemed he lived a very sheltered life growing up and wasn’t able to do a lot of the things other people did. So maybe he was paranoid as to why people would approach him and their real intentions. The friendship burned out just as quickly as it started. I still wish him well. I just kinda feel bad for him because with all that wealth I still wouldn’t want to trade places with him. Imagine always having to put your guard up in that way. Plus his life seemed a bit isolated and lonely.

I would stick my toe out to go on a few dates and meet ups from the spring onwards, because I just couldn’t stay cooped up at home. Nothing serious because I would be leaving soon.

Around 2-3 days before I left Korea I met up with the one my friend calls Piano Man lol. He was the one who made an amazingly beautiful song for me. I wanted to say goodbye before I left so we met up for dinner. He gave me a present of some really strong Chinese alcohol he had bought for me in China. I still haven’t drank it, but I brought it back with me to the US. He told me he’d always wished we’d dated but the timing wasn’t right since that’s when I had a bf. We wished each other well and I was back off to the US.

I came back in 2019 and just kept busy with other things. Then I went to Nigeria for Christmas season. When I first got there me, my sister, and one of my uncles were walking to the hotel we were staying at after eating dinner at a restaurant nearby. Some guy who was also at the restaurant caught up to us to profess his interest. My sister was super excited about this for some reason while I was mortified this happened in front of my uncle. He was asking for my number and my sister jumps in front of me to tell him if he comes to my aunt’s shop the next day to buy a bike he’ll get my number. So, you’re not gonna ask me?

Kill two birds with one stone I guess lol. Though he was really cute I was just not interested. To my surprise he showed up the next day at my aunt’s shop. He didn’t buy a bike though lol. We talked for a bit and my aunts were kinda rooting for him since he was from their area of town. Nothing became of that, plus he was too young for my liking. I’d bump into him from time to time to which he said was destiny. Not mine, but good luck with that.

Later on I ended up meeting a friend of a friend. I will admit I was cold to him when first meeting. I was actually mad at his friend which made me be cold and standoffish because of his association. But he never threw it back at me. Rather he was unbelievably sweet and caring towards me. Over the next few weeks we hung out and got to know each other more. He was an engineer who worked for a big oil company in Nigeria. Really intelligent guy who was the youngest supervisor in his company and played chess as a hobby. He would be going on a business trip to China soon after we left Nigeria. I had mentioned wanting to visit China in the future so he took me, my mom, my sister and her fiancé out to eat at a Chinese restaurant a couple days later. In case you don’t know, Chinese restaurants are super expensive in Nigeria, and they’re not even buffet style. He then took us out for ice cream and karaoke afterwards. He’d come and visit me every couple of days and take me out to different places. My mom really liked him. He was a really mild-mannered person that balanced me out well. He wanted to take me to visit China with him and offered to pay for the trip to join him. His trip ended up getting cancelled because that was the time this whole virus mess started. He was amazingly sweet to me. I have nothing bad to say about him. Even when I talked about starting a business he offered to pay for it and help me register it since I didn’t know my way around starting one in Nigeria. When I came back to the US we talked everyday. He had planned to visit the US since he was going to be one of the invited speakers to the oil and gas conference happening in Houston. Because of his position he would be able to go back and forth to the US if need be without much visa complications. He had talked to my sister about possibly finding a job in Texas sometime in the future and moving over to be with me. That’s when things started getting too real and I just wanted to slow everything down. The virus kinda made everything come to a halt. Thankfully for me. Don’t get me wrong. He is a great guy. Brilliant and sweet. Plus he’d be able to get a great position relocated to the US for his company making a lot more money than me, so those wouldn’t be a worry at all. I just wasn’t at that wavelength at the time. Borders closed and I don’t do cross-continent long distance. I definitely would have been in a relationship with him if I lived in Nigeria though.

Fast forward to the end of 2020. I enjoyed being single for the year, but apparently an uncle of mine doesn’t like that lol. He’s not really my blood uncle, but that’s how we refer to them in African culture. He reached out to me and introduced me to 2 guys. He tells me I need to find someone special so he introduced me to these guys from really well off families. Like REALLY well off. Think chaebols of Nigeria. I talk to them from time to time, but I’m not really interested. I just can’t do this distance thing, plus I need to get to know you first. In person. I appreciate this uncle though because he seems to really like me and want well for me. He told my aunt that he doesn’t want to see me suffer in life. I think it’s super sweet of him to think of me that way.

Life is so weird. When you want something, it doesn’t come. But when you don’t want it, it comes flooding in.

So, now back to Ulsan.....

To be continued

My bank account is weeping T_T

I've spent $10,000 within the last month. I'm grateful I had it but goodness 😖.

I'm just ready for the next phase of life. Please let it be a fun one.

DeVita - Show Me

❤️ ❤️ ❤️

If you don't have a Chinese brother, your life is incomplete! Incomplete I say! What are you doing with your life?!? ❤❤❤

My mom is really adorable! I know she’s been on me a bit these past few years about settling down and getting married, but there’s been a surprising turn of events. Yesterday she came to me like she had just sat down and thought about it for a while and told me I should enjoy dating around(not sleeping around). She said she didn’t really date when she was younger and that’s the best time to do so. Whether you want to date someone from Britain, Korea, Ethiopia, France, etc. They don’t have to be Nigerian. O_O She told me to just enjoy it and she won’t pressure me to marry a particular person. This is a monumental moment. I feel like this was her giving me her blessing.

<3<3<3<3<3

Chasing Pavements(Excerpts of 2019)

Korea drained me.

It took me on an emotional roller-coaster I never want to experience again. I promised myself I’d never purposely try to put myself through that again. I came back a moody mess trying to pick up the bitter pieces of shoulda, coulda, woulda... but ultimately glad it didn’t.

When I came back I didn’t really have time to chill. I was just thrust into the next thing. I immediately jumped into preparing for my brother’s wedding. Everything and everyone around me kept me occupied. There was no time to focus on the mess of the past. I was leaving the memories of Korea behind. The good, the bad, and the ugly. In the end it all became so ugly.... except one part. Bond, James Bond.

Bond was the sweet guy that showed up out of nowhere when I was just about to leave. Story of my life *rolls eyes*. Curious things started happening at the time that I met him that made me a bit paranoid. I still don’t know exactly what to make of him or how he fit into my life. If I could tell you the full story you would understand why I said my life is a sitcom/drama.

So when I left Korea I guess you could say that was our official parting ways. At least I thought. After the wedding I had made plans to visit New York to see some friends. While talking with Bond one day we found out we’d coincidentally be in NYC at the same time. It seemed fate was bringing us together again. What were the chances that he’d be on my side of the world, in the same area, at the same time?

I landed in NYC and it wouldn’t be my life if some type of drama didn’t ensue. SO, of course, it did. Right when I landed. I was left stranded in Time Square because of a male ego -_-. Not Bond’s but another person. It left a bad taste in my mouth.

But I made sure not to let it ruin my trip. I decided to go to my hotel to change game plans and recoup. I knew I wouldn’t be able to see Bond much because he was on a business trip. When he arrived in NYC he let me know and we found out we’d be staying really close. Just across the bridge from each other. Then I found out his trip would be cut short and he’d actually be going back to Korea a few days earlier than planned. The day we had planned to meet was the day he would be heading back. Things just didn’t want to go my way. He told me he’d be taking a stroll down Time Square that night. I was disappointed at how things were unfolding and in a moment of frustration I let it be known. He seemed to be taking too much time to reply back to me. I asked if he really considered us friends. He asked if I was drunk. He said it wasn’t usual of me to act this way. I told myself I wouldn’t take that stuff anymore(holding my tongue to my true feelings). I was back on American soil and pledged I wouldn’t bend like that again due to so called “cultural differences”. I had had enough of that. But unlike the other kguys I dated, rather than gaslight me he apologized. In fact, he was very sympathetic and apologetic. From that moment he was extra attentive and promised to do right by me.

Even though he was busy he said he’d make time to meet during his lunch break. Unfortunately I couldn’t do that. So he made every effort to try to meet at a more convenient time for me. I told him I’d be meeting up with a friend for dinner, but we could meet up afterwards since we’d be around the same area.

After dinner with my friend I headed to our meet up spot. I remembered his birthday would be the next day so I stopped by a deli to pick up a cupcake, candles, and a lighter. I hid it away in a bag. When I got to the spot I called him and he snuck out of his hotel to meet me. We walked around to find a coffee shop, but they were all closed. While walking he saw a fancy bar across the street so we decide to head there. We get in and he buys us drinks. We go and find a small table for 2 away from the bar so we could sit and talk. Our drinks arrive. We start catching up on the short time I’ve been away from Korea. I didn’t particularly like the bartender’s recommendation and I guess he saw it all over my face lol. He ordered me a different drink (which was much better). I noticed he seemed a bit solemn and low spirited all night. It was almost midnight now(11:59) so I took out the cupcake and candle. I lit the candle and when the clock struck 12 o’clock I exclaimed “Happy Birthday!”. His face completely lit up.

I really enjoyed seeing how happy it made him. His demeanor completely changed and did a 180. He didn’t realize I knew it was his birthday. He told me he was really touched by the gesture and now completely let his guard down.

We ate a few bites of the cupcake and then left to take a walk down Time Square. On our way there we passed a few guys shooting dice. One guy was trying to sell his mixtape to people around. He comes up to us and makes his pitch. I hand him a few bucks and he hands me his cd. He thanks me, compliments me, then lightly taps on Bond and tells him he’s a lucky guy. He then hurries off. I chuckle it off and hand Bond the cd. I tell him when he goes back to his room he should play it. You never know. It may be good. He says “And get a computer virus? Uh, no.” I’ll pass. lol We walk toward the main area and a taxi passing by gets a little too close to me for his comfort so he pulls me into him. What in the kdrama nonsense is going on here?! *plays ‘You Are My Destiny’ theme music* XD He asks if I’m alright. I say I’m fine. We walk over by the red steps and take a few pictures together. We kinda just take in all the sights and sounds. It was a good little break to just enjoy the essence of New York City and get away. We walk down a couple more streets and just joke around enjoying each others company. We’re walking to cross the street and I was so focused on what was ahead that I didn’t pay attention to what was on the ground. I took a couple steps and *squish*.... I stop in my tracks. He looks back and asks what’s wrong. I stutter out “I think I stepped in horse poop.” I was just hoping it wasn’t true. He looks at me, then down to my foot, then back over to my eyes. The crosswalk timer is winding down. I pick up my foot to reveal what it is. Yeah... it’s horse poop T_T.

He jokingly pinches his nose and teases me as we run across before the timer runs out. Me with that awkward limp run you do in order to not make the mess even messier. We make it to other side and he’s cracking up. I playfully pat him and say “You think this is funny?” I scrape the poop off on the curb and he jokes that I now need to go home and take a shower because I stink ¬_¬. We laugh it off together. Unfortunately he can’t stay out long and has to get back to his hotel. He wasn’t really supposed to be out but he came out for me.

He walks me over to the subway station and we stop at the entrance. He finally confesses he likes me. I’ve realized the feeling is mutual. We say our final goodbyes and give each other a hug. It’s a little longer than usual. When we stepped away slightly we paused and looked at each other.

You could cut the tension with a knife. It was that very obviously perfect timing for a kiss moment but we mutually decided against it. We blushed, looked down, and lightheartedly laughed it off. We said goodbye again. He waited for me to walk down the steps and when I was there we waved each other goodbye one more time.

We still talk from time to time though it’s been a while now. We would call each other and have hours long discussions. I appreciated that he was honest telling me how he felt. If he was offended or uneasy about something I said he’d let me know and vice versa. Then we’d find out it usually stemmed from misunderstandings. One of those days my sister passed by and heard him talk. Like I’ve said before, he has a really attractive semi British accent with a deep tone. She was so shocked when she heard it and said “Who is that?! OMG, his voice is deep!”.

I wish you could see the level of amazement in her voice and on her face when she said that. lol Anyway, I promised myself I would never date a kguy again. Too many of them are too TOXIC and too much of a headache. But I would have made an exception for him. He would have been the last one I gave a chance. For the time I interacted with him he seems almost perfect on paper. He is well traveled, educated (also went to school for a bit in England), good personality, has a good stable job, not from Seoul(originally), and he’s tall so he’d fit right in with the guys in my family (wouldn’t be angry at the fact he’d be the short one like that ex and his 188cm ass XD). Not that he was short, he just made an insecurity complex out of it where need not be *rolls eyes*. Bond is 191cm. Around the same height as my little brother who is actually the shortest boy in my family. My two older brothers are 203cm and 205cm. They’d probably still joke that he’s short but all in good fun. Also I really liked that I felt protected around him with him being in the special forces and his job and all... I seemed to find all the special forces guys ;). And he never gas lit me. Not once! Which was a really big thing that happened constantly when dating kguys. It became one of the most irksome things about them, but he never did it. In fact, he was only ever genuinely apologetic when misunderstandings came up. It made me appreciate him even more.

But alas, I guess we were ultimately just not meant to be. We live in two different worlds and on different continents now and I don’t do that. Neither does he. But he let me know when I come back to visit Korea I always have a place to stay <3.

One of Those Random Nights(continued)

So after all of that went down I headed back outside to meet my friends. The performance was over where they were at and

We go around laughing, dancing, and just having good genuine fun. Just a group of black girls out to have a good time. They decided they wanted to hit up another spot with a cover charge. I decide this wasn’t one of those nights I wanted to spend much money so I went my own way again. I wasn’t broke, I really just didn’t want to spend money. Too many free things to do for all that. I eventually made my way back into Secret Society and by this time it was really late into the night. Probably going toward 3 or 4 am. The place had emptied out and there were only a few people left lingering. I had started talking to some random American guy and Jay Park and his crew slip in. My friends were on their way to pick me up to get something to eat and I started heading out as they were heading in. We met halfway up the staircase area and started talking about our next move because now one of the girls is wasted. She is drunk out her mind and being held up by the others. I guess Jay had decided it was only a short stop in and started coming back out. He meets us there halfway up the stairway and now we’re talking to him. There’s this girl in our group that everyone absolutely adores because she is such a free spirit and the life of the party. Think Tiffany Haddish’s character in Girl’s Trip. I’ll call her Dina. When she sees what she likes she goes for it. So now Dina and Jay are sorta like talking dirty and hardcore flirting. They start rubbing up on each other and blowing kisses. I mean they were all up on each other holding onto each other. He gives her a kiss on the cheek and his crew members call out to him cuz they had already made it up the steps and were now waiting on him. He leaves her embrace XD and starts doing all these flirty gestures to the rest of us as he passes us by. He gets to the last girl in our group closer to the top of the steps and caresses her face as he blows a kiss. I wish ya’ll would have seen the look on her face when this happened. She gave him the most disgusted stank face I ever did see.

We were cackling. Girl, you coulda at least waited till he couldn’t see LMAO! But it was mostly because she doesn’t like Korean guys. She stays far away lol. He stops midway up the next flight close to the exit and continues talking to us. His crew calls him again cuz at this point they know this boy is ready to risk it all.

This was the funniest situation when I think about it. One girl ready to risk it all with him, one passed out being held up by others, another purely disgusted, and the the rest of us just amused by the whole thing. When Jay finally leaves Dina turns to us and asks “Who was that?”

At this point we all just busted out laughing. She had absolutely no clue who he was just that she thought he was cute. Girl, see, this is why we love you! XD

And this is why I like the boy so much. I know he’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but with him what you see is what you get. Does he exude strong f*ckboy energy? Yes, absolutely! But again I never feel he plays otherwise. He wears that like a badge of honor instead of faking the funk and some type of innocent image. I mean come on! With a handle like jayparkitrightthere what do you expect!? XD Plus he’s only ever been super sweet every time I’ve met him. And I know he’s a genuinely good guy that does a lot for the people around him. He’s such a gem :)

One of Those Random Nights

This was one of those random nights I went out in Hongdae. The plan was to meet up with friends that were going to see some hip hop artist perform. I cannot remember who. They were already at the place and I arrived to Hongdae later then them. I was not about to pay $20 for something that was already halfway over and didn’t much care for. Every now and again I like to breakaway from the group and kinda do my own solo thing. Not that others did anything wrong, it’s just one of my self escapism things. Escapism from an overwhelming feeling of everything going on around me. So I decided to instead head over to Secret Society(before it closed). That night Nochang was performing. It was packed with his hardcore fans. I was getting nowhere close to the front where the performance was happening so I moseyed on over to the bar to get some cranberry juice and pretend I belonged there. I did not know about him before, but Jen(fairygodmotherofitaewon) had made mention of the performance to me so I decided to check it out. I was actually pleasantly surprised and really enjoyed his performance. He had a very Travis Scott type energy to him. The crowd was here for it too because they were eating it up and following him as he bounced around everywhere. He was very interactive with the crowd which you could see why he had a very loyal fanbase that was clinging to his every word.

So while I was tryna be a wallflower in the back I see him inching closer toward my area. He had been jumping around giving the crowd the mic every so often to have people sing along to the song. A song with a bunch of N-words in the chorus(American artist’s song) starts playing and a kind of panic hits me and I tell myself just don’t make eye contact. Besides the fact that I just wanted to camouflage myself into the crowd, I also didn’t want to be put on the spot to sing a song. There were plenty of other people around who would have gladly taken up the mantle. And as he inched closer I made a mistake. Our eyes connected.

It was at this moment I knew I f***** up! It was literally only a split second, but it was enough to give him the balls to approach. As he did the crowd parted like the red sea as the spotlight followed him to me. I warned him. As he approached I shook my head no to let him know “Baby boy, it’s not gon happen like you think it’s gon happen.”

But still he stubbornly persisted. I tried. When he got to me he eagerly put the mic in my face for me to sing along. I shook my head again and said “Sorry, I don’t know this song.” Of course I did but I was not about to stand there and make a mockery of the arts. Plus I didn’t know all the words and I wasn’t gonna give the audience the satisfaction. It was a mixture of many things. He awkwardly stood there, mic out, waiting for me to sing for a good 5-7 seconds. He looked at me like “are you not gonna go?”. I looked at him like “I know I warned your ass.” So we had this brief staring match. Everyone around us in the crowd was looking around awkwardly. He hesitantly pulled the mic away slightly like I was gonna change my mind. And I sure didn’t. He stood there for a couple more seconds with a slight look of confusion before he decided to finally cut his losses and make his way back to the front to carry on with the rest of the show. It was such an awkward moment, but he professionally carried on like it never happened. Kudos to you sir!

.....to be continued

I’m so ready to jump into the new year and make travel plans come to fruition for 2021. I know I'm not the only one ready to leave 2020 behind.

Last year I got to go to/ travel to 6 countries and now I’m restless to get up and go again.

Korea, Thailand, Japan, Canada, USA, and Nigeria.

Most I truly enjoyed, a couple not so much. If you ever thought I wragged on another country hard you’ve never heard how I talk about Nigeria. The thought of it is annoying me right now(the potential is there but unfortunately so is the corruption), but it will always have a special place in my heart because.... well.... you know.... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I’m supposed to be there now but opted out for work. Let’s just say I really didn’t try to make much of an effort.

But Canada.......WTF!?!

All the guys in my family can’t stop raving about it especially Toronto and I was looking forward to it, but so highly unimpressed. I will never again let Canadians slander the US. Never!!!

Ya’ll are supposed to be the so called friendly neighbors to the north, but everywhere we went were Canadians tryna scam us out of our money and charge us more for EVERYTHING because they said “We are Americans. We can afford it.”

WTF?! Huh!!! Canada ain’t no underprivileged country! Last time I checked Canada is a first world country. I sorta expect that in certain other countries, but Canada what is going on?! It didn’t help that we faced clear racism and discrimination in my first hours of touching down by ya’lls police, but to add insult to injury everyone stayed tryna scam us purely because we were American. It was surreal.

Not gonna lie, when Canada announced they were closing the border to Americans my reaction was

Oh no... how will we go on.....

Let’s just say I’m not in any type of hurry to go back. Do better Canada.

Eventually I will give that place a try again, but I’m so ready to skip around the globe to other places again. I just renewed my passport because it was almost full. I cannot wait to fill it again. Here’s to hoping for a better 2021! :)

K-music secrets

A lot of big names get special praise for writing their own music when in actuality it’s not all they portray it to be. For example GD and Big Bang. Bruh!

One night I went out clubbing with my friends midway into my stay in Korea. One of my Korean friends introduced me to her friend that had just arrived from the US. This Korean friend knows a bunch of people who work in a bunch of different industries in Korea. She constantly rubs shoulders with all the celebs because of where she works and what she does. The guy she introduced me to was a black American guy who is in the music scene. I got to talking to him and asked what brought him to Korea. He said he was there to make some music. I said that’s interesting. “What do you?” He said he was a producer/songwriter and he was in the country on assignment ghostwriting. I asked for which company. He says YG.....

I say “Hold up!” Aren’t they the same company that makes it a point to portray themselves as 100% in house and that GD writes just about all his and his group’s music himself (with the exception of Teddy and one or two other Korean producers here and there)? He tells me the company usually flies him and other ghostwriters out to Korea for a songwriting camp for 2-3 months and they write and produce a bunch of the songs the company uses and eventually ends up putting together on their albums.

I said “Wait! They try to make it seem like GD is this musical maestro that comes up with all these songs all by his lonesome. Their fans incessantly brag about it.” Nothing wrong with getting help, but why make it seem like you don’t? He straight up looked me in the eyes, smirked, scoffed, then laughed and let out a mumbled “yeah right” expression. He tells me naw. This apparently tickled him. I then asked if he was okay with not being properly credited for his work. Like they literally don’t let the public know about this, and credits don’t show him or a lot of other writers at all. Thus ghostwriters. He then told me he was fine with it because he gets paid and just kinda shrugged it off. The company really out there just BSing everybody.

Now, onto *big sigh* Dean.

Ya’ll know how much I love him so this was such a disappointment to me. It’s just so tacky it makes me cringe every time I think about it. It’s actually the reason I don’t put him in my top 3 favorite people in the kmusic scene. I still love his music and what it represents. His “130 Mood: TRBL” album is still a masterpiece to me, but why Dean? Why?!! T_T XD

So another Korean friend told me this one. His female friend had met Dean out one night. I guess clubbing. He was feeling her and very bold apparently, and was tryna get her to go home with him. She curved him and he was insulted so he says to her “Do you know who I am? I’m Dean!”.

When I heard this I just about vomited. People really out in these streets saying that with 100% seriousness XD.

And this friend that told me the story doesn’t make it a point to lie to me. I was told this a year before a similar story apparently started circulating in the kblogs. When something similar came up the next year I was shocked because it just legitimized even more that this story had actual truth to it. Forever took away the cool veil I had about him XD. Hate to see it lol

No, you’re not going crazy. Yes, a lot of kpop sounds just like music from other artists. Yes, it’s plagiarized.

It’s not just a coincidence and they get away with it because Korea doesn’t follow international copyright rules stringently at all. They know they can feign ignorance and fans will be there to fight for them and eventually cover their ass.

I have walked into sessions where they are straight up listening to an American artist’s song and copying the chords bit by bit. They will play it for a few seconds, copy it, stop it, then rewind it to make sure they got the cords correctly. They’ll do this to copy the whole song then at the end change a few chords around so they can have plausible deniability. I’ve seen this first hand. So no, you’re not going crazy. It really is a copy of that song and yes they will deny it when their feet are held to the fire.

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