Ink

[cause-this-is-all-we-know]

I am fighting with myself.

I am so afraid of losing you.

Yet being with you brings pain, pain, pain, and more pain.

What is wrong with me?

[cause-this-is-all-we-know]

Anonymous confession 01012022

These few days, I keep feeling like our relationship is a chore that I still keep up doing just because I can't afford to hurt you. Because I love you so so much. I am trying to get the feelings back, but you have been so busy lately, and it doesn't make it easier.

I used to appreciate your words, because nobody said those things to me before you. However, as years goes by, I become to resent the words, because more often than not, they stay as they are; words. Just words. Rarely it follows by action. Just words.

[cause-this-is-all-we-know]

"I'm home", I said to the void.

[cause-this-is-all-we-know]

071221

And I'm still waking every morning but it's not with you

[cause-this-is-all-we-know]

051221

There's this hole in my heart that's in the shape of you.

And it aches.

[cause-this-is-all-we-know]

041221

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know.

I'm scared.

[cause-this-is-all-we-know]

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shootin' stars?

[cause-this-is-all-we-know]

Eyes can't shine

Unless there's somethin' burnin' bright behind

[cause-this-is-all-we-know]

Counting days.

...how long has it been.

...how much longer will it be.

All I want is for it to stop.

031221

[cause-this-is-all-we-know]

"I...miss you?

I...long for you??

I want you??? I want us???"

I don't even know anymore. It's all numb, and I'm falling deeper while finding my own worth for you.

[cause-this-is-all-we-know]

It's scary how much the thoughts of not having you in my life scare me.

[cause-this-is-all-we-know]

Habit.

I picked up my phone...

then realized that I don't have you anymore to tell about my morning.

021221

[cause-this-is-all-we-know]

011221

Fighting flames of fire Hang onto burning wires We don't care anymore

Are we fading lovers? We keep wasting colors Maybe we should let this go

We're fallin' apart, still we hold together We've passed the end, so we chase forever 'Cause this is all we know This feeling's all we know

[blossomfully]

Sue Zhao

[kurniawangunadi]

Jangan memilih sesuatu yang tak ingin kamu miliki seumur hidup

Kalau kamu sudah sadar bahwa kamu tidak yakin, jangan diambil. Kalau kamu sadar bahwa ada hal yang tidak bisa dipaksakan untuk bisa diterima, jangan diterima. Kalau kamu sadar bahwa ada hal yang bertentangan dengan nilai-nilai yang kamu pegang, apalagi itu, tolak! Jangan terlalu mudah berkompromi pada dirimu sendiri, pada hal-hal yang memang ingin kamu genggam seumur hidupmu. Jangan terlalu berbaik hati, memilih karena kasihan. Jangan terlalu polos, menyangka bahwa segala sesuatu itu nanti bisa berubah. Tapi, kamu tak bisa mengendalikan sama sekali berubahnya ke arah mana, semakin baik, atau semakin rusak. Kalau kamu sadar bahwa sesuatu yang ingin kamu sertakan dalam hidupmu adalah sesuatu yang bernilai, jangan pernah kamu menurunkan nilainya. Kalau kamu sadar bahwa kamu seberharga itu, jangan pernah merendahkan harga dirimu.  Jangan memilih karena kamu tidak punya pilihan. Buatlah pilihan itu. ©kurniawangunadi

[cause-this-is-all-we-know]

Fajr: 180819

Bismillah. O Allah, on this glorious Fajr of yours, I am deeply and humbly grateful for:

1) the chance you give me to breathe another life, another day on this Earth of yours,

2) the time you lend me to spend with my family,

3) the bless of a mother's presence in my life,

4) a day off before I start to join the treadmills of work,

5) and the good health.

Alhamdulillah ya rabb. Thank you, Allah.

[cause-this-is-all-we-know]

It's been years already.

Still,

the song brings hurt like it was yesterday.

How does it feel,

to be in someone's memory for so long?