pesky bird

Dave Strider rewrote my brain || per audacia ad astra || trigun!!!!! || ffxiv nerd || its a scream, baby! || burn bright || icon: comm'd from chrisrin

[simplygoingmadd]

blasting my silly little music and creating my silly little daydreams so i don’t lose my silly little mind

[escabye-deactivated20190922]

when ur mutuals are mutual with each other 

pro: squad con: i saw this post like 18 times today

[skingrad]

[princesssarcastia]

there are some things a character should not be able to tell us about themselves EVEN with a gun to their head. depending on the character that could even expand to include "most" things

[princesssarcastia]

i'm talking "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make them drink" territory. "i've constructed an elaborate rube goldberg machine of plot to force this character to have precisely the realization about themselves that i want them to, and i'm only maybe 60% sure it'll work" territory. "the deity of their choice reveals it to them in a dream and they wake up and say, 'no, that can't be right,' and promptly forget about it" territory.

[king-hime]

This is of utmost importance, believe me.

[hedwigoprah]

do you think your rook sleeps with socks on?

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

man... in Veilguard it really is so so clear how much Lucanis yearns for connection, how much he laments having barely anyone who is a tangible long-term presence in his life. Illario and Caterina are IT until he meets Rook, he tells them.

but he grew up in the Dellamorte estate. A huge, huge manor that would not just have servants, but STAFF. payrolls full of people who clean and cook and keep the place running. And we know he had some amount of free reign around the place. He explored in the tunnels and basements and found the secret entrance/exit while playing alone. He learned how to make churros and cook other food from the kitchen staff. Someone taught him to knit. So... where are those people? Where's the kindly cook who became a second mother, or the maids who watched him play? He would know their names and remember them, if they were around long enough. And it's NOT just some rich boy privilege that makes him forget they're there, because we know he sees the working class as people who with real lives. In The Wigmaker Job, he knows elves in the alienage, who think well enough of him to let him use their secret routes around the city. He risks the whole mission and breaks rules to let one single serving maid go--they're not invisible or somehow lesser to him. He was raised as a Crow, he's been trained since he was a boy to be observant--he'd listen for the names and details about the lives of servants who were around him all the time as a child. And he is also kind and gentle, so he would reach back if they offered him any kind of affection

Which means their absence in his life is intentional. Caterina must have had the staff rotated often enough that he couldn't learn who they were, and discouraged anyone from talking to or connecting with the Dellamorte boys--she probably thought she was keeping them safe. Keeping them from having people who might matter and therefore could be used against all of them--not to mention it's way easier to slip a poisoned treat to a trusting child, or convince them to follow you out of the estate to an undisclosed location. Her paranoia after losing all her children and other grandkids warped into isolating the Dellamorte boys utterly from any kind of connection and affection outside of herself, and then she withheld it anyway, because she was afraid of getting hurt again too (<- not an excuse, still abuse). And she is NOT a kind woman, who would look over a transgression--servants disobeying her orders about staying away from her grandsons would mean losing their job at best and probably physical punishment along with it. Or maybe you just never saw that coworker who dared say something kind to a crying child again.

It's so sad. And makes it so much more meaningful that there WERE occasional times he got away with it anyway. I wonder how much those cooks risked when teaching him how a kitchen runs, and to make his favorite dessert. If they had some excuse for it, or were all sent away once Caterina found out. Of course he'd stop trying to make friends with any children of the staff his age, if any time he did, the whole family got moved to work at a summer villa in the country instead. If the people who cleaned his rooms were different every month. He'd notice that anyone who he tried to get close to just ended up out of his life entirely, and so eventually Caterina wouldn't need to keep isolating him intentionally as he grew. Lucanis learned. He started doing it himself.

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

sorry not done yet after all but like. GOD this does put both a sadder and more hopeful spin on him not responding to Rook's flirting if you think about it in this context. he's been conditioned since childhood that anyone who shows him kindness or affection is going to be taken from him, if he responds to it. Sure, a casual flirt is fine, because they don't really mean it and maybe neither does he (without an emotional connection) and they will move on to whatever else is in their life soon. He flirts back at the coffee meeting but once things keep going, Rook keeps being kind and sweet to him, and it starts to feel real--he freezes up. He doesn't acknowledge it at first, he changes the subject and moves on. Because people who are kind to him get taken away eventually.

I talked before about how so much of Lucanis' narraitive is defined by control and this does feel like an extention of that here--he's afraid of breaking this pattern the same way he's afraid of changing other things in his life. His romance path is a fun flirt, then nothing nothing nothing THEN the almost kiss scene, where you seem to finally break through to him a little. The most important line to me in that scene was actually the lead-up to the not-kiss, where he says Rook always "manages to break apart [his] perfectly gathered clouds of doom". He's so used to expecting the worst at all times, but Rook keeps proving him wrong, and reaching out anyway. He ignores the flirting as a way to pretend it's not happening and he's not developing feelings (and therefore he can't lose them all again, like every other time), but Rook doesn't... so he steps off that well-trod path a little. He tries letting himself reach back, and Rook encourages him again instead of backing away.

He's not ready and the thought of losing control (or: losing Being Controlled in a way he's used to, more accurately) spooks him too much to continue, but it was at least a moment of proof that Rook does really mean it. they are kind to him AND want more of him in their life. And then, of course, Rook stays. They don't vanish, or get driven off by Caterina, and if Rook keeps pursuing the romance he allows himself to believe it's real and lets himself have feelings about them for real. He's no longer a shy cowering child with no way to determine his own life or other people's presence in it. He can finally start to believe that some people DO want to be close to you just because they like you, as a person, not just because of what you can offer them. And start reaching back instead of keeping himself locked up inside the way he used to.

And you can think of his cooking for everyone as an extension of this too, a way to show care for people around him in a more indirect way--something he can do that's NOT immediately obvious. There's a plausible deniability to it, that everyone else's food (except Bellara's) tastes worse, so he's just providing a service. But in his life he's been denied ways to show he cares for people--I can't believe Caterina (who he refers to by first name, never as grandmother, or nonna, or other affectionate terms) would respond well to overt displays of affection. Which also helps make the romance lock-in scene a little more sweet (if also a little more sad)--it's the one way he's gotten used to showing he cares. And he KNOWS it's "not enough" by which I mean I do think (despite Rook saying it IS enough) he does WANT to do more, and express himself more, but he has no practice at it yet because he's spent so long afraid of it. And being afraid of having it taken away as soon as he does. Ahg. Poor man. I need Rook to give him 1000 hugs asap.

[corvus-frugilegus]

The thing about so much of the early game 'flirt' options with him is that it consistently feels like it catches him off guard. Like he hasn't even really conceptualized that someone COULD grow to care about him like that (or even sadder, had maybe given up hope). Especially now, with Spite.

But there's subtle ways where he betrays himself too- where he is responding to Rook's care with care in kind. There are a few spots where the platonic dialogue options get a pretty different response in a way that's telling. The example that best comes to mind is when you're picking up the quest "Bloodbath". His romance dialogue is "We just need to get this done. I'm not losing anyone else." (this might not be exact phrasing, I can't boot up the game and check). The platonic options either get you a joke about capes or go straight to business "we'll go when you're ready" or something to that effect. So on the surface it's like "Oh yeah obv he's talking about not losing Illario" (at least it was to me?). But it's also entirely possible that he's talking about Rook.

There's a few spots where there's this very subtle nod to care. Where I think like you're saying there's this very real fear underpinning the lack of direct expression. Like by being direct or speaking it into being something bad will happen, and it'll all go away.

So much of his story is about slowly building emotional safety with the people around him and I really appreciate that he doesn't have to be perfect and gets this space to kind of emotionally fumble.

[fullmetalfisting]

The cashier at Whole Foods just treated me like the village idiot because he told me to “look for the three little lines” on the app and i was like “I’m not seeing a hamburger. I see meatballs. Is that it?” And he said “maam you are looking for Three Little Lines”

[fullmetalfisting]

For those unaware

[cupcraft]

You never know what color pallette someone's Tumblr is till ppl are screenshotting posts and tags

[aropride]

do u like mine

[cupcraft]

Oh wow.

[cupcraft]

Some people on tumblr are reading ancient scrolls and you'd never know

[gumy-shark]

playing stupid games but im really bad at them so im not even winning the stupid prizes

[sky-scribbles]

You know, I think we were all too normal about Karliah back when Skyrim came out.

She's the 'brooding troubled guy on a quest to avenge his lost love' archetype, but a woman. She's a professional thief. She's related to two of the most important figures in the lore (Nerevar and Queen Barenziah). This is completely irrelevant to anything she does in the game and you only find it out if you read her dead boyfriend's book. She's been in exile for a quarter century. She's a talented and deadly archer. She makes unique poisons. The first thing she ever does in-game is shoot you. She's involved in a predictable but fun plot twist. Her dead boyfriend was a charming thief/scholar fluent in a dead language. He's still in love with her after twenty-five years alone in a temple and promises to wait for her in the afterlife. She blames herself for his death and you don't even get a chance to tell her she's wrong. Sometimes it's unclear whether she's using you, or whether you're a team working toward the same goal, and I'm not sure she knows either. She's the only Dunmer with purple eyes. She's traumatised. She's grieving. She's self-loathing. She's furious. She's the most character in the entire game. How were we not more unhinged about this woman.

[cryptidcreepy]

Skyrim be like: as a Dragonborn, it is in your nature to want to dominate, to want to control. You control the world around you with mere words. Your final battle will be against those who share your blood, and have as much of a drive to dominate as you, but they have given in to their evil nature. In order to free the land you must learn words specifically designed to control and dominate others. But within this, is this what you really want to do? Who are you? Are you a “true son of Skyrim” or a loyal imperial? And with that, what fate will you force upon the people of this land? What stars guide your fate? What god or demon do you follow? Is it better to be born good, or to overcome your evil nature through great effort? No we will not be expanding on these themes beyond the surface level and you’ll have to heavily infer all of this. Go kill some draugr.

[mai-col]

Heyyyy what's up I have MORE

[spicymotte]

Todd I'm begging you, we NEED the Elder Scrolls 6 out asap. the Skyrim content creators are getting desperate

[theeelfinnstolemypeanits]

[strawberryisscrumptious]

Stratt personally packed him that switch

[magictransistor]

Paul Sougy. Nerve Tissue, The Spinal Cord, Cell Division, Breathing, The Liver and Pancreas, The Kidney, The Eye. Published by Dr. Auzoux. 1946-1957. 

[mohntilyet]

imagine being illario and finally finding the resolve to kill your cousin right. you seduce and fuck a blood mage venatori magister to get her to do this for you. you figure you’ll eventually kill her once you are first talon, tie up the loose end and make it look good for you. a vengeance story! except when your cousin’s body shows up your grandma retreats into herself presumably out of grief and you’re like jesus christ he’s a corpse and still the favorite. at this point you start feeling some regret and at the wake you’re beside yourself. it helps to be really feeling some of that to fool everyone else. but months pass and your grandma still isn’t even discussing the inheritance and you have to be normal because you don’t want to incriminate yourself. and then a year later some random guy (worse if its a de riva tbh) shows up saying they need your cousin to kill an elven god (what.) and he’s the only one who could (insulting). and its at this point your grandma is like “lucanis died… but he is not dead!”. record scratch freezeframe. while you juggle with the fact that the freak woman you fucked specifically to get her to kill your cousin didn’t even kill your cousin AND your grandma didn’t bother telling you (for good reason ofc but she doesn’t know that), you have to lead these assholes to go save him and unravel your hard work. so plan b. you kidnap your grandma and push your (now possessed) cousin away (and then get mad when he actually walks away. because you’re like this). and when your cousin comes dangerously close to figuring out what’s happened with you and the magister, you kill the magister. you ally with those elven gods and venatori (you aren’t sure how you’re going to get out of this one but it’s fine. that’s a hill for future illario) to make sure you have enough backing to stand up against the other houses if they challenge you becoming first talon. you continue to gaslight your cousin into staying away, because if there is one thing you can count on, it’s his literal inner demons and total lack of a support group, you’re certain he’ll fuck it up by himself. you know this because his support group used to be your grandma (dubious) and yourself (lol). you’re almost home free. and caterina will definitely acknowledge you as a player on the board. which isn’t important but it would be nice, right. BUT THEN IT TURNS OUT. YOUR COUSIN HAS RECENTLY MADE 7 FRIENDS. one of whom can speak to the fucking dead because of course he can. and then some of those friends show up to publicly humiliate you at the dinner party that should have been YOUR crowning moment. your grandma ALSO shows up to tell everyone you have gathered that your cousin is first talon. your cousin gapes at her because he doesn’t actually even want it so it’s kind of awkward for everyone. and then when you’re sure he’s about to ask viago de riva to poison you to death, he actually tells him just to take you away. because OF COURSE he’s being the bigger person. anyways the point is i’m surprised illario just lets himself be taken away because if i were him i would have started biting people and then bombed the villa