sashahaha

enfj

[ccbellecc]

One day I will wake up,

One day the bricks will fall,

The leaves will brown and wilt,

And my mind and body will lay bare,

Honest; brutally raw.

[ccbellecc]

bro you always fill my cup

when im with you im happy for the first time

cause i love uou like a brother

youre my best friend forever

[holohedral]

it’s cause you’re always in that damn wallpaper

[anetteva]

[not-psychotic]

[weltenwellen]

Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma

[weltenwellen]

Devin Kelly, "This, A Gospel"

[ccbellecc]

Humanity lost to the masses

Stagnancy wakes the fear I hold close to my chest

I don’t want the truth that comes with it’s rest

What will I do when my time unfolds

And reveals its sagely test?

When a choir of thousands lends a voice to the unimpressed,

I’ll ask: "If she sings, is it a sacrifice well-spent?”

They’ll respond: "Even if she screeches; howling like the bereft,

Their symphony wavers but doesn’t get caught in the wreck.”

So, she can fly or she can plummet

Nevertheless she’ll get lost to the nest

How can we not be plagued by the insignificance

Of a life blind to regrets?

[ccbellecc]

Drawn to the Blood

To be alone with you in devil’s territory,

Daydreaming; drawn to blood,

I liked you through the veil.

This time in sound, we found each other,

I wonder,

I will turn to dust without you?

All of the world slaving on,

And true love waits unmade.

I don’t care if you really love nothing,

"Deep blue, glass eyes,"

She only knows all I need.

I know the end; yours and mine,

With or without you, all of me wants all of you.

[ccbellecc]

[ccbellecc]

A world without colour gifts us the will to feel.

[ccbellecc]

Futile Devices

I would say I love you, but saying it out loud is hard

So instead I will devote the last bits of hope I have into saving the beating heart of our friendship

Its rhythm, which still resounds deep in my chest, is demanding the reverence it was once dedicated.

When you play guitar I listen to the strings buzz

There is an unwillingness in each chord you strum

It seems I left my heart on an empty scale.

I’m all too aware these words are futile devices

But I’m afraid what we used to be has become lost without them

These admissions are all I have left to give to you.

[ccbellecc]

Sixteen

It’s been sheer moments,

And contrarily an eternity,

Of which I’ve lived as a sixteen year old girl.

In this time I’m struck by bleak emotions

That tell me at any moment I’ll slip backwards

Never step forward into a life captured in colour,

Memories fading grey with pity,

Or for some, regretfully they were just never made,

Moments buried when they’re still pink and ripe with the music;

I would cherish it if it could be any other year

When will I no longer be sixteen?

The pressure is placed welcoming an overwhelming conscience,

Events crawl at such a pace -

I’m afraid my own breath will cause it all to collapse into stagnancy.

If I were to slip, I’d hope to fall back into my mothers womb,

Nestled in the heart of a mother,

Fed the love she’s nurtured her whole life for this moment -

I’d have no choice but to accept it.

Seventeen might bring serenity like a child’s ignorance,

But will it ever even come for me?

[ccbellecc]

My sun

There are days when life makes me believe it is inherently poetic

Mostly on days heated by a sticky summer that causes us to huff and puff

I find that in the heat I search for you

Maybe within the sun’s ferocity I’m reminded of my own desires

Like how fingers strum chords, hands strum warm skin

I could spend years in this place

Now I’m no longer sure

Is it the heat or my admiration striking me with such a lethargy?

Impossible to move, impossible to think

Beneath my skin I am buzzing

Perhaps from the insatiable aching of a warmth

Telling me to keep all of you to myself

My sun glows too

Bright and unmissable

My sun is true, with inspiring honesty

She shades the world in a beautiful orange

My sun permeates the heat that colours my cheeks pink

So effortlessly gentle in the hold they take

My sun, my sun, my sun.

[ccbellecc]

444

To grow is to view the world with the hope you wish to create

Even when the roots you keep sink deep into familiar soil

And breaking free isn’t an option for the fragile limbs you bury can’t survive displacement

There are clever ways we can learn to travel beneath the surface of visibility

We stretch to lay the supporting foundations it takes to leap

Soon you will see yourself far away from where you began

But you must trust hope transcends tangibility

It is the burning deep within each soul that guides the living

Believe the future you inhabit always begins out of your reach

And achieve peace by knowing such

[ccbellecc]

sick with the feeling of you

[ccbellecc]

time doesn’t exist with you