lost boy

( it's ok to be not ok, and it's alright to be not alright ) team nightshade ♡ 22 jung jaewon

[ccxharu-blog]

ᴡᴇ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ᴛᴏᴡᴀʀᴅs ᴛʜᴇ sᴋʏ

[ccjaewon-blog]

ccxharu:

where the clouds break; open up & you catch sunshine with your lashes     @ccjaewon

haru knows him relatively well. the gentle eyes and kittenish lips, long hair; like ink. he’s youngmin’s friend and that didn’t make him haru’s friend, but it gave him more than enough of an excuse to stare. 

he stares the first time he sees him, stares the fifth time he comes around as well and the face is one that doesn’t leave his mind until he tries to put it down to paper. he needs to see more, wants to see the sharp angles of jaewon’s face and sketch his profile, his eyes up close, the expressive mouth that curves into a smile. haru stares; until jaewon is around and youngmin isn’t home yet and there is nothing stopping him from grabbing his sketchbook and sitting down next to him on the couch, his one leg folding and knee resting atop jaewon’s thigh. he’s probably too close with how little they knew each other, but he wanted to take a very good look.

“let me draw you.” 

there are an infinite amount of things in the world, in the universe that jaewon is incomparable to -- mostly the criteria for such an accusation is completely personal, completely made up by yours truly.

not from a place of insecurity, not at all. jaewon has learned that harboring any kind of insecurity would be a detriment to his work ethic and inner psyche. it took many, many years to completely void out all of the useless thoughts and replace them with better ones. perhaps, though, he’s still going through the motions of forgetting and replacing. it’s not quite there yet, but slowly and agonizingly, it’s getting there. it’s why he’s surprised, shocked even, to be met face-to-face with basically a stranger to him and the world, it seemed. his face twists into a combined disgust and confusion, his eyebrows scrunching and his mouth turned downwards in a frown. he stares for a while, surveying this person from head to toe and back up again.

“uh, what do you think you’re doing? don’t you know what personal space is?”

[jeilx]

[ccjaewon-blog]

tdl  .

lol so i’m a horrible person TM and i haven’t been on here as much as i want to or need to be but that will change soon enough hopefully! i’ve just been very busy recently with school + work now that both has started up again for me, so pls bear with me! i’ll get out a reply or two per week probably at this point! i’ll also be steadily and finally replying to IMs and poking at ppl for a reply to an IM~ if i forgot you on this list, pls let me know~

instant msg to: @ccbomin @ccseungyoon​ @ccxwonshik​ @ccshihyun @cchongbin @ccseokjin

waiting im from: @ccjinri @ccnoelle @ccjisoo @myeoncc @ccfern @ccjoohyuk @ccjiyeon @cchyunbin @ccjonghyun

replying to threads: @ccxharu: we look towards the sky @cctaehyung: starter @ccjaehee: one of those daze @ccxdanny: wading @ccbomin​: starter @ccnayeon​: on the run @baekcc​: pheromones @ccminseok​: welcome to paradise

waiting threads from: i literally ... don’t remember kasfkasjfa

[ccjongin-blog]

we’re in it to win

[ccjaewon-blog]

ccjongin:

jaewon speaks the truth and jongin can only nod his head. the grin on his face is hard to wipe off though –– he can practically smell victory so close to them; mostly thanks to his partner being someone he knows that at the very least he can trust with getting the job done well.

“i’m so excited,” jongin says, and momentarily he acts his age. while he hasn’t been the biggest fan of fighting ( the first timeline had scarred him enough ), hunting monsters was another thing. “where do you suggest we go first?”

and he knows that despite having “lived” a timeline more than jaewon, jaewon was still the hyung and did have a higher position than jongin in the league. he was more than willing to listen to anything jaewon had to say, he trusted the boy and his skills enough to know that they probably wouldn’t end up in a sticky situation.

he thinks for a moment as he recalls the information they’d be given –– 1 point for d level monsters, 5 points for c level monsters and 10 points for b level. “we could start with the c levels and work our way up. who knows… maybe if we’re lucky we’ll get ourselves a 50 pointer,” a card, he leaves the words unsaid but there’s a smile hanging on his lips.

in jaewon’s mind, slaying dangerous monsters need absolutely no justification. in a world where evils lurk at every corner, threatening civility and comfortable ways of life, disturbances and dangers need to be eradicated in one way or another. sounds intense, but jaewon’s not sorry for that -- life is intense, seems like the natural route to go for broke rather than not go at all.

“hm, we should start with an area with highly documented high-traffic monster zone.” jaewon thinks he sounds impressive, but the bravado and confidence is overflowing -- there’s no stopping the running of his mouth or his limbs, when the time comes.

jongin is incredibly endearing, almost strangely so -- the eagerness to protect, the fight that he senses in his voice, somehow reminds him of younger him. it’s oddly ( and somewhat bitterly ) nostalgic -- not that he blames jongin for being a younger spitting image of himself. jongin definitely doesn’t intend something like that -- at least, jaewon doesn’t think so.

“let’s not get too ahead of ourselves now,” a card is a hefty prize, the points scream to him to be even more ambitious -- but he mustn’t waver, they must not get distracted by delusions of grandeur. “c’mon, let’s go. there’s bound to something somewhere around here.”

[giribyo]

✖

[fmdyuanjunarchive]

welcome to paradise.

[ccjaewon-blog]

ccminseok:

there were a few things in this world that minseok would never be able to wrap his mind around. like clowns for example and why they were supposed to be entertaining in any way. they were pathetic at best and terrifying at worst, who ever thought that would make for a fun act? especially for little kids?

that, and why some people chose to be so damn miserable all the time.

take jung jaewon for example. whenever that boy walked into a room everything just seemed to get at least 10 times more depressing, as if his sulking was strong enough to burden everyone in a radius of at least 20 feet around him.

so of course, minseok had made it his mission to force the poor guy to have some fun in his life. no one could possibly be that much of a gloomy person just for the hell of it so, in some way, minseok was doing the other a favor.

at least that was what he told himself every time jaewon angrily told him off for being annoying and all up in his business.

he always waved it off without much care, at one point sooner or later the younger boy would come to thank him for the effort minseok put into giving him a good time.

or maybe seeing jaewon smile for once would also suffice, no thank you’s required.

and that was how minseok had ended up dragging the other along yet again on one of his days off. their destination of the day was one of minseok’s personal favorites, a large flower garden that held countless different sorts of flowers and plants, the extensive space separated into different sections which each held a different arrange of greenery.

simply put the place was breath taking, so as minseok guided the younger through the large white gate which was overgrown with ivy he couldn’t help but wear a content smile on his face. “tadaa~! there were are.” he mused, motioning at the beautiful sight in front of them. “it’s nice right? i told you it’d be totally worth it.” expectantly, he turned himself away from the view to look at the other, hopeful for some kind of positive response.

“so tell me, is it enough to turn that frown upside down?”

[ @ccjaewon ]

jaewon wouldn’t say he’s the saddest person on the planet. he just hasn’t had ample opportunities to smile, rather. life isn’t a some kind of frivolous nothing that people can just waste with unneeded things -- not that happiness and smiles are unneeded, just a little bit too comfortable for his liking.

with the life he’s lived, the things he’s experienced and seen, makes little to no room in his mind for smiling, for joy. the more he thinks about it, the sadder of a person he seems, but sadness isn’t the reason behind the rarity of his smile. he just feels as though his smile, his joyous attitude towards something should be earned rather than give it away -- otherwise, there’s no real purpose or meaning behind it.

perhaps he’s exaggerating a little too much.

he immediately decides, though, that he is not in the least.

his lips stay in a straight line, pursed together in a rather serious expression. emotionless, but still evoking a strength, a presence, an image that’s to be upheld. his stance and stature matches his expression -- back erect, hands in his pockets completely cool and calm. 

jaewon’s surprised to see the incredible amount of beautifully kept foliage before him. it smells floral, calming, something that jaewon’s dreams would smell like ( if dreams had smell ). it’s wonderful, sure, but does it really evoke a true smile from him?

probably not, jaewon immediately answers.

“well, it’s obviously really nice,” jaewon starts, his arms coming up to cross across his chest, “it’s really well-kept here, whoever gardens here should maybe come to my apartment to tend my lawn -- if i had a lawn.”

he sighs.

“why are you so annoying? why are you so insistent on getting me to crack a stupid smile?”

[ccnayeon-blog]

˙ ˖✶ on the run. ❜

[ccjaewon-blog]

ccnayeon:

( @ccjaewon ).

she can feel a light sweat start to break on the back of her neck, breath picking up as her sprint, and it’s almost unbelievable how much he’s managed to tire her out. while it wasn’t uncommon for nayeon to engage in battles for her freedom between overly confident heroes, even with her newfound presence in the public, rarely were they ever this advanced. normally, it was just a rookie every now and then— her best guess? a rookie gave a more experienced hero a tip on her, and they decided to try and succeed where others failed.

nayeon curses her luck, turning sharply and taking cover behind a rather thick tree. the biggest advantage she could see about a confrontation like this was that they were in a park with the sun hanging lower in the sky with each minute. “if i can hold out until it gets darker and keep using the trees and foliage for cover, there’s a good chance i can get away…” she mumbles, and a frown forms on her lips.

she can feel a snake, a trusted companion, slither and wrap itself securely around her waist, and a finger gently rubs the top of it’s head. “my dear friend, i may need you if things go south.”

determination is a driving force.

jaewon is in his prime, hero outfit complete from the very top of his head to the soles of his boots. determination runs through his veins, not a string of remorse is poisoning the boiling blood he feels coursing through him. he breaks out into a run, later a sprint -- he’s going after a tip given to him from a lower ranked member of nightshade. said that a rather volatile and rambunctious card came into their sights. he would have much rather preferred if they had acted upon themselves -- be resourceful, self-sufficient.

but of course, he can’t pass up an offer for a mission.

he follows her like a hawk on a mouse. he pants, chest heaving slightly. there’s too much pride within him, there’s no way he’s admitting he’s getting the slightest bit tired. not when he has a goal to achieve. “fuck,” he curses, putting his hands on his hips as he surveys his surroundings. she must be here somewhere.

he decides to follow the line of trees before him, and he starts approaching one of the thickest trees in sight, dual blades drawn and his heels rolling slightly as to not alert anything around him. “typical hiding place.”

[ccjongin-blog]

we’re in it to win

[ccjaewon-blog]

ccjongin:

( @ccjaewon ) 

his biggest fear when he’d heard about this whole… cahoots the governing body had planned was that he really did not want to be with a deadweight. jongin knew that he could very much carry his own; surviving the first timeline and all helped with his ability to not fuck up as much anymore.

so when he found out that he’d been paired with jaewon, he was more than relieved. after all, jaewon was a part of nightshade –– and despite him not being as close to jaewon as he’d like, he knew the boy enough to know that he wouldn’t be bringing him down during this whole dumb competition the governing body had put up.

“jaewon hyung,” he called up, nudging the boy with his arm. it’s hard for him to hide the sly smirk that makes it’s way across his face, and the little glint in his eyes as he turns to look at the older boy. “i can’t believe we got paired up,” he begins, finger tapping against the charm on his necklace –– his magical weapon when unused. “with a team like ours, we’ve pretty much already won, haven’t we?” he jokes, though he’s sort of half serious. if anything, jongin’s pretty confident in his teamwork with jaewon. 

jaewon wouldn’t let himself get dragged down by anything, or anyone for that matter. it was enough to be scouted ( somewhat ) for some sort of elite mission in competition with other leagues. his mood wavers even more when he finds out when it’s a partner mission. to be partnered with someone that gave less than one hundred and twenty five percent -- there was no way that he would have handled that with calmness and coolness. it was an eruption waiting to happen.

but it’s a good thing that he doesn’t have to worry about it. hopefully. knowing jongin, there’s a certain fire inside of him. the same fire that burns so deeply within himself. he sees it, he feels it. it brings a smirk to his face -- someone that can finally keep up with him. no offense to his team, or anything -- truth be told, he cares for every single one of them.

but jongin and jaewon -- it’s the real dream team. no ifs, ands, or buts about it. it’s not cockiness if you can actually back up your words and thoughts with ability. he smiles -- actually smiles. “jongin, with the two of us, we’re more than winning at this point already.” his fingers clutch against his weapon in disguise -- his own necklace. “but let’s find some monsters so we can actually win. saying it is one thing -- doing it is another.”

[siklive]

[ccjaewon-blog]

––––– inbox 。

Unless you’re waiting for a lovely retirement notice, any letters issued by the Governing Body rarely contain good news. Your team leader hands you an ivory envelope with a silver seal, upon which an image of two swords clashing is embossed. Whichever secretary had been told to write your name has impeccable handwriting.

Once you decide to open it, a dark grey paper is crisply folded three times. It reads the following:

Greetings, JUNG JAEWON.

This is a formal notice that you will be placed into Rotation A, as ordained by the Governing Body. We will be arriving for an impromptu observation to see how you perform when group dynamics are suddenly, inexplicably changed. We are intrigued by the Busan League’s high performance and are considering you for an elite mission. It’s of the highest caliber and will possibly require the assistance of humans and/or cards, which is why it is essential to test your adaptability.

The elite mission your league is being considered for will pay generously, as well as contribute to your ranking when an official inspection is scheduled. In addition to monetary reward, we will allot funds to upgrade your training room equipment at HQ.

Currently, we are also considering the Changsha and Saint Petersburg leagues to be assigned this mission. We can only choose one, so know your competition and be prepared to perform. Be brave. Be bold. Be ready to work as a team.

- The Governing Body

jaewon just about snatches the letter out of the leader’s hands.

he’s met with a glare, but he gives his own glare back, his eyes hooded and emotionless yet screaming with. his team leader backs off, with a sigh and a shake of his head.

jaewon tuts the tip of his tongue to the back of his teeth. his fingers trace the lines of the parchment -- it’s sturdy against the pads of his fingers. he can feel how expensive it is just by the seal, by how the parchment smells like it came from the desk of an established, extremely professional individual.

he opens the letter. the dark gray paper catches him by surprise, and the handwriting scrawled onto the blankness of the parchment is neat, clean -- inhuman, almost.

what he discovers is nothing less than what he originally suspected. inhuman. a governing body. an order that’s mostly faceless to him, an order that spews out commands that he’s supposed to obey. he doesn’t think about what could happen if he even thinks about disobeying this body. bloodshed, perhaps. something worse, who could ever know. 

he’s quiet on the matter, he’d rather not stir the pot, voice his own opinions on the governing body. yet he still feels like he should put quote marks around the title.

elite. it burns a hole in his brain, twists his heart like a soaked gym towel. it automatically enables something in him. he feels a wave of responsibility wash over him, like high tide.

considering. it burns a fire inside of him. of course they’re just considering. of course they haven’t made up their damn mind -- minds, yet.

jaewon is undeniably impatient. this body wants him to prove himself, to prove his worth to prove that he’s absolutely the right person for the job. for what, he thinks. for fucking what.

uncertainty and the mission to prove himself to people who might not even care about his well-being. it’s the story of his life playing out before him once again. a vicious cycle that tumbles him around like a washing machine.

and yet, his mind passes over the obligation that this task seems to force upon him. he takes it upon himself to feel like he should glad that this is happening to him, that such an opportunity has come to him right at his fingertips. he knows he’s a capable person, he’s a capable warrior, a fierce leader.

a competitive spirit spreads its flames across the planes of his conscious, the planes of his heart.

if the governing body wants elite, he’ll give them elite.

because now that he knows that he deserves nothing more than elite. any less would be an insult.

[onejaewon]

Cause of death: Jung Jaewon

[im-in-trbl]

170719 Kiss The Radio - Jaewon

[ccjaewon-blog]

Mark rests his back against the chair rest, sharpening a dagger as his earphones blast with music, amidst the person he's supposedly talking to. "So" he says, eyes on the dagger. "Any updates on your team?" Mark asks. It's his responsibility to train the rookies anyway, let's say asking is just for formality.

jaewon runs his hand through his long, black tresses, looking at the person before him with a serious expression – he blinks, twice, before he runs the same through his hair once more, his bangs falling right back over his eyes. “no,” he answers simply, resting more comfortably back against his own chair, letting a small breathe escape from his lips. “everyone seems to be doing decently, to put it in a few words. no problems from what i can observe.”

[ccjaewon-blog]

°˖✧ one of those daze

[ccjaewon-blog]

ccjaehee:

There’s something about suffering losses and going through hardships that’s unbearable and can make life difficult. There’s also something about finding someone who’s gone through the same exact thing, if not similar, and being able to find comfort and solace in each other.

This is the case for Jaehee and Jaewon. 

It’s funny really, how life works out sometimes. They had grown up together and been a part of each other’s lives and somehow, had suffered such terrible losses to get to where they were today. What were the odds? 

Apparently very good, considering where they were now.

The sound of Jaewon’s stomach grumbling snapped Jaehee’s thoughts to the present and her hands went to her stomach, the silent grumbling waiting to unleash itself onto Jaewon’s ears too and she chuckled. “Don’t be sorry, it’s been a long day…hopefully it won’t take us too long to make something to eat and we can stuff our faces,” she reassured the other.

“No, no, it was the same as usual. I had some practices and vocal training and I have to go back later on to practice my dancing some more,” she told her friend. “But it’s okay, I don’t mind it as much. Plus, I get to see you and have a nice meal so that’s a big plus too. What about you? How have you been?”

jaewon can’t imagine himself going through all that trouble to end up where jaehee is right now, presently. an idol -- something about that word makes him think of roads of gold and glittery skies. something that seems so artificial yet also so rewarding. sounds like too much humanly interaction speaking for his own personal taste, too much training to only dance and sing on stage in front of an largely anonymous sea of people.

sounds like too much trouble for him. but then again, he of all people would know trouble. strife. jaehee would too, and he knows this fact.

he smiles, mostly to himself -- it’s funny how the planets just align. it’s funny how despite all their suffering, despite the ocean of tears that they’ve shared both with each other and in their solitude, that they can come together like this. that they can be two against the world instead of just one and one.

it gives jaewon hope -- gives his heart a much-needed break from all the heartache he’s endured in just twenty three years.

“yeah, i’m pretty much starving, to be quite honest.” a little dry and slightly morbid humor to set the mood -- it’s somewhat of a jaewon speciality.

“that’s good -- nice to hear that you’re doing good.” and it’s never a lie whenever he says that -- he would be concerned if he ever found out she was doing less than okay. he smiles again. “well, i just studied a lot today. really didn’t do anything special.” other than train at the league, but he wouldn’t dare to expose that to her. not just yet.

[fatenumberfor]

jung jaewon | my star

[ccjaewon-blog]

°˖✧ one of those daze

@ccjaehee​

there’s beauty in the struggle.

jaewon is a firm believer of it. 

sometimes people just don’t understand anything about him. why he’s like this, why he acts the way he does, why he does the things he does. they don’t know what goes on in his mind, what shapes him into the stoic eagle that he portrays to the world. they just really don’t know.

and it irritates him for people to walk into his space, ask why he doesn’t smile more, say that his smile is so handsome, that he should really just smile more. he hears get over it. he hears that he would be more likable with a smile on his face. a smile isn’t something that he just hands out like a free sample. he believes that smiles should be the entree instead of the appetizer -- something to look forward to instead something to just taste the tip of.

his stomach rumbles. he smiles, the ends of his lips tugged upwards just ever so slightly. “ah, sorry,” he apologizes, “i guess i’m just... hungry.”

jaehee gets him. she understands why he acts the way he does, why he does the things he does. she knows what’s going on in his mind, and he lets her know, because he relates to her so very much. ironic that something so sad can unite people in understanding warmth.

“how was your day today? your schedule? not too tiring?” he says as he sets down two placemats onto his dining table.

[ccjaewon-blog]

°˖✧ wading

@ccxdanny​

jaewon wishes his mind was spotless.

life would be so much easier, he decides. to just clean each and every crevice of his mind like one would do with a mop onto a tiled floor. he wishes it were that easy.

just as easy as how the high tide flows across the waterfront before him. he hears the waves off in the distance crash against the port. how can something so strong and commanding be so calming and peaceful, he wonders. if only he could be a wave in the ocean -- a gentle giant in the guise of mother nature. if only.

he gets lost in his sea of thoughts more often than not. his black locks drift across his face, and he runs an exasperated hand through them. a sigh escapes his lips -- his body feels tired, and he closes his eyes briefly for another second to breathe.

jaewon much appreciates silence -- but sometimes, silence with others is just as relaxing. he’s the first to break the silence that the summer night breeze and their unsynchronized footsteps bring, though. “i like it much better here at night,” he starts, stuffing his hands inside his pockets, “sometime everything’s just too loud.”