Cecilia Dickson's SOC 3 Quarantine Blog :)

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A Perfect BFF Cluster Candidate

What makes someone fit for a BFF cluster truly depends on the BFF cluster. Since we’re just wrapping up the first year ever of LIU’s new BFA Acting Program, next year will be our first full freshman class for the program. So, for this BFF Cluster Candidate, I will be focusing on what makes someone a perfect candidate for joining the LIU Acting family. For the purposes of this idea, let’s pretend that we are only admitting one new student.

When it comes to acting families, we are generally super inclusive, so it is difficult to narrow down a perfect candidate, but there are definitely preferable qualities of a person.

First, we have a lot of female students, so an incoming candidate would preferably be male or gender queer to even out class.

Of the 4 non-female students we have in the class, 3 are white, so we could use more racial diversity in our family. So they would be a person of color. Of the twelve students we currently have in the program, only two identify as not-straight, so our new candidate would also, preferably, be gay, bi, or otherwise queer.

Of course, to this BFF cluster, race, gender, or sexuality really does not matter, and I am only trying to balance out our majority white/cisgender/straight family. In theatre, this is especially important, because this allows us to broaden play/casting opportunities within the group.

When it comes to their personality qualities, they must be really open and ready to be vulnerable, someone who is humble. The LAST thing an acting family needs is an ego. Over the course of this past year, all of us current members have really pulled down our masks, revealing our most vulnerable selves to the family. The is no hiding in this family. So, the new candidate must be willing to also step out of their comfort zone and be vulnerable.

They must be kind and understanding, and a sense of humor never hurt anyone. Because of the nature of acting, this comes with vulnerability. Sometimes, when we reveal our truest selves to people, we can be in shaky territory, and a good kind person, with a sense of humor, can help lighten the mood, ease the tension, and soothe the nerves whoever might feel uneasy, while not disrespecting the individual who is being vulnerable in their art.

Preferably, they would be at the same experience level as the rest of the class when it comes to theatre, though as a freshman, it is most likely they would be at a lower level. This is where humility and kindness is important.

When it comes to religion, it is preferred if they are either atheist, or non-practicing or not extremely religious. If they are, then they must be incredibly understanding to fit in with our cluster. We tend to have open views towards religion, but with some members of the family being LGBT, and with many highly religious people being anti-LGBT, it is better to be safe, in this sense.

Being wealthy might actually be beneficial in this case, since so many artistic folk tend to not have a lot of money. Having a member of this family that is stable, even financially wealthy, could seriously benefit the group, especially when we try to put on student-produced shows.

INITIATION

When it comes to pairing them up with other members of the group, I think, so long as they don’t have an inflated ego, are humble, open, honest, humorous (but not crossing any lines and respecting moments that must be respected), but also have unique characteristics* that set them apart from the group, making them a unique addition to our family, they will get along with everybody.

(*Our group has a lot of different personalities, so as long as our new candidate is confident in their individuality, not afraid to be a weirdo with the rest of us, that is what is important, in this case.)

To initiate this new member, we have to do a full production/show with them. There are two people in the acting program who have never been in any of the school-produced shows, and they honestly feel a bit on the outside. I personally did not feel like a full member of the family until I did a show, so this is vital.

To put on a show with someone, to see them after a long night of rehearsals, to develop a story and character with someone, is truly getting to know them as a person, and it lets them know you, too. When you spend so much time with someone in such a vulnerable state, you cannot help but grow a connection to them, which is why doing shows bonds people.

With the BFA program still being so new, we are still so new in developing our own rituals. However, nothing bonds a theatre family like doing a silly group warm-up before opening the curtain of a show. One ritual we established during our first show, Pocatello, was to stand in a circle before a show after we warmed-up, and do the energy dance.

We’d all get down near the ground, low and whisper, “energy, energy, energy, ah!”

We’d repeat this, now standing, a little louder,  “energy, energy, energy, AH!”

And finally, we’d shout it as loud as possibly, jumping and cheering, “ENERGY, ENERGY, ENERGY, AHHHH!” Which devolved into fits of laughter, hugs, high-fives, and a general buzz and connection in the group, now ready to put on a show.

I’ve rarely felt more of a sense of belonging in my LIU theatre family then when we’re screaming and jumping in a circle, and it is a ritual that really would bond new members of the family - the warm up, and the energy dance - and it is sure to make any new candidate feel welcome.

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Health & Wealth

In terms of who cares and how when it comes to health, it truly depends on the family In my blood family, we are extremely caring in the nuclear sense (my brother and parents, plus my grandmother who lives with us) but things become a little shaky in the extended family. Part of my blood family (Anne, Terry, and their kids) are estranged, and barely reach out to us, even if there is a medical emergency with them or within our family. Our link to that part of the family is my Aunt Katherine. Anne will only speak to Katherine, and Katherine speaks to everyone else. However, while Anne remains estranged, Katherine is somewhat isloated. Never coming to family events, on the rare occasion they occur.

My grandmother is growing older and more sickly, so it is sad to see Anne so far away from her mother in this time. In a pandemic, I would think it would bring us together, so far far, it has not. I do not know what happened to cause this estrangement, all I know is that I’ve never met my cousins Michael and Timothy. They’re about the same age as me, and I have always wanted to meet them, and hope they want to meet me, too. I only just recently saw a picture of them for the first time, and hope, someday, we can put differences aside to connect.

We are in touch with other members of the extended family, and do help each other and support each other in times of sickness, with well wishes and visits.

Wealth in my nuclear family is much different from wealth in my extended family.

A lot of my extended family, specifically my Uncle John and Uncle Tim, believe that wealth is mostly, if not purely, financial. My parents brought me up to view wealth differently. We view wealth in terms of love and happiness. My parents hid our financial struggles from my brother and I growing up, and now we are a little better off, thankfully. I know my parents’ love for each other in times of financial hardship got us through, and they only taught my brother and I that love and happiness is more important than wealth, and to look for meaning in life in our passions and happiness, rather than financial gain.

A lot of my extended family disapproves of my choice to be an acting major. I was great at math and science, with a knack for physics, in middle and high school. My family was setting me up to be an engineer, and my Uncle John even offered to pay for my education if I got into Harvard. I didn’t even apply.

Luckily, within my nuclear family, we don’t view wealth and success as a financial situation. My choice to pursue what I love and live for was supported by my nuclear family, and for that I am eternally thankful. I definitely won’t be rich super financially stable for a while with my career choice, but I would rather live and do what I love, throughout all the hardships, than simply survive and not enjoy my life/career.

I thank my family for their values of wealth, in that regard.

This has also allowed me to find so much more “wealth” and fulfillment in my found family, since if you are an artist or actor, you tend to share those values, making those relationships that much more deep. This found family I have is rich and wealthy when it comes to love, support, happiness, and family. In times of health crises, we support each other and take care of each other, checking in and checking often.

I couldn’t ask for a better family.

[ceciliadickson]

Above is my “found family” kinship diagram. This is only partial, showing my found “Actor Therapy” family, and my “Joe Iconis” family, as an actor I feel like I have many found families, including my LIU Brooklyn family and my Stella Adler family. Some of us have lost touch, but in each family, both in the diagram and out, I have found deep connections and have had similar feelings/relations as “blood” family, if not more, and more deep. This concept is discussed further in P3/P4.

I have also attached a picture of my Actor Therapy family (everyone who “descends” from Lindsay and Ryan)! Love them!

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Above is my kinship diagram for my “blood family!”

-Cecilia

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What COVID-19 Reveals About Toxic Masculinity

In a discussion I had with my brother yesterday, we explored some interesting points on COVID-19. Cis men and transgender men on testosterone are more likely than cis women and transgender women on estrogen to contract the virus. Why is this?

This our discussion, we talked about the effects of testosterone, often giving men higher blood pressure and weaker immune systems them women, making them naturally more susceptible to the virus.

In our society, especially in developing countries, men are also often the sole breadwinner for the family, meaning they are outside of quarantine, in closer contact with the public, and therefore more likely to contract the virus.

In addition, it is far more likely for a man to ignore serious medical symptoms than a woman. This is because of toxic masculinity - how society expects men to be tougher and prouder than women. Because of how society shapes us, not only are men more likely to contract the virus, but they are also more likely to hold off on receiving medical attention should they show symptoms.

This reveals problems we have in society, showing how male stereotypes and toxic, societal masculinity is harmful for men, and brings up an interesting discussion for how we can must change society’s perspective. It is already beginning to shift somewhat, but there needs to be a more drastic shift.

This is simply another flaw in society that this pandemic is bringing to light, one that prompts discussion and requires change and attention in the post-pandemic world.

-Cecilia

[ceciliadickson]

P3/P4, D1

Cecilia Dickson

Halbert Barton

SOC 3-001

6 My 2020

The Value of Found Family

Found family is a powerful concept—a group of people who have chosen to be family for each other. There is a beautiful strength and connection when one can choose. When we combine the concepts of choice and family, that strength and connection runs deeper. In a tough, emotional field such as acting, found families emerge often. These chosen families hold a special sense of belonging that many might not have in the blood families they were born into. In addition to that bond, traditional blood family realities, such as rituals, ceremonies, inside jokes, and even estrangement can be seen in those found families, making them just as dynamic, deep, and valid as blood families.

“My highschool theatre department was my found family,” says Alexa Hinton, an acting major at LIU Brooklyn, “and now I have a new theatre family at LIU!” 

Family does not always mean blood relations. For many people, family refers to a group of people completely outside of their blood family. These people often find connections with members outside of their family that run deeper and truer than those blood relations.

“In every single production I’ve been in, I’ve walked away with people who are sometimes closer to me than my actual family . . . because they understand my passion and goals in a way that no one else can.”

A trend for people who pursue the arts as a career is estrangement from blood family, especially if that family does not have a history in the arts. It is often difficult for these family members to understand why a person would pursue a difficult, often financially unrewarding career, considering that career choice to only result in failure, as Alexa mentioned.

When this happens, those people find deep connections with people who do get it.

Michael* remembers the first time he found his family. “In high school, the seniors were like the parents of the family. I literally called the person who taught me everything back then “mom.” She called me her son,” Michael describes. “We even had established aunts and uncles and cousins. That group of misfits literally created a family, like a real blood family.”

Now, Michael lives in New York City and has found another “Mom” and “Dad” in his acting classes. “My teachers in my NYC based classes sign their emails like that. I have an email here from Ryan Scott Oliver, signed ‘Best, Dad.’” Michael describes.

Vincent Van der Velde, an NYC-based actor originally from Belgium, hits the nail on the head with the reason for why actors find family with each other so easily. “Vulnerability! There is so much strength in letting go and allowing yourself and others to be vulnerable, without any judgment,” which is the heart and soul of theatre. “The bond is created so quickly!”

Vincent goes on to explain the different experiences he’s had in his various theatre families, experiences that parallel real family dynamics. “You can experience family in different ways. Competitive and selfish, yet pushing each other forward and having a deep profound love. Our group has always been honest and loving, pushing each other in a healthy way, yet always honest! For better and for worse.” 

Vincent also describes “blood” family dynamics at his studio acting school. “There’s this sense of the [Stella Adler] Studio as one big family, then every year has its own smaller family, and within that family you find your brothers and sisters, your father [or] mother figure, the niece [or] nephew you decide to mentor.”

And just like real blood families, it is not always smooth sailing with a person’s chosen family.

“The industry is too often driven by money, personal gain, ambition—the unhealthy kind,” Vincent describes. “In the professional world  . . . there’s not always the establishment of a family, and that’s a pity because I firmly believe it’s part of being an actor.”

Alexa even was estranged from her high school found theatre family.

“Because it is such a vulnerable place to be in a theatre . . . it has been almost more damaging in some relationships than the trauma that I’ve experienced with my [blood] family. [. . .] I wound up getting cast in a regional production outside of school that coincided with our fall main stage. When I told my director, I thought he would be proud of me, but instead he was angry because he had already planned on casting me in the lead. I started to realize more and more how controlling the environment had been, and the more I started speaking up for myself, the more left out I felt. It was literally like losing my entire family at once because friends I had known forever started distancing themselves and I no longer felt welcome.”

However, despite getting shunned from people who Alexa deemed her family, she has since found a new family in theatre, and has even grown from her experience.

“Now that I’m removed from the situation more I realize that it was the best thing that could have happened to me because, now, the only people in my life are the ones that truly have my back—and we’re closer than ever.”

Alexa even goes on to describe the small things in her found theatre family at LIU that mirror blood family relations.

“It really is just like a family, where even if someone sometimes gets on your nerves, or you don’t always agree, I love [them] all more than anything.”

Similar to real blood families, theatre families and found families have rituals.

“Every single show,” Michael begins, “we stand in a circle backstage and pray. Half of us are atheists, and the other half hardly religious, but we pray for a good and safe show, especially on opening night.”

“And, back when I was in my high school theatre family, the seniors always sat at certain mirrors in the dressing room, and they’d pass them down to the next class when they left! It was like the head of the family dinner table!”

LIU Brooklyn student Garrett Bailey describes a family tradition from his community theatre. “Before each show, we would [make] a circle, and we had a Tech Cape and a Gypsy Robe. The Tech Cape was for the technician that had been in the most shows and the Gypsy Robe was for the actor who had been in the most shows . . . they would be awarded from the people who had them last to the next person.” In addition to the robes and capes, there would also be a speech, and the current holder of the hierloom would create and sew a patch onto it before the next ceremony was held, making their mark on the hierloom. This is parallel to family hierlooms and ceremonies in traditional “blood” families, living through theatrical found families.

Garrett even describes their version of Secret Santa, which they called “Secret Dumpling” in an inside joke, reminiscent of inside jokes and traditions unique and specific to every individual blood family.

Lily Ralph describes her high school theatre family’s ritual of the “Saint Genesius Letter.” One night, her drama teacher wanted to pray to Saint Genesius, the patron saint of actors, but was upset because the school had banned prayer as a form of practicing religion. Then, on opening night, her drama teacher found a letter on her car from Saint Genesius. “So basically,” Lily describes, “for thirty years, for every opening night . . . Saint Genesius, who was actually a secret group of students, would hide the letter super early in the morning . . . that incorporated a bunch of inside jokes or was a nod to something that happened in the show. The cast and crew would get in a circle and a senior would read the letter [as] everyone held hands.”

Theatrical groups of people go beyond just that. Often, through the vulnerability and openness found in such people, the common thread that they each have of rejection of society or their own blood families, actors often form their own found families. There is power and love and strength, a deep connection, to be found in a chosen family. For every person, this family is unique, and many find more than one, each with their own traditions and rituals steeped in heart and soul, making these found families just as real as blood families.

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*Name changed, wished to remain anonymous

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Glossary Terms

Found family: A group of people not related by blood who consider themselves to be a family in every other sense of the word

Blood family: A group of people related by blood

Main stage: The largest productions theatrical venues put on

Opening night: The first night a production is open for a public audience to see, usually fraught with nervous excitement from the cast and crew

[ceciliadickson]

P2D2

Cecilia Dickson

Halbert Barton

SOC 3-001

27 February 2020

How One Musical is Changing the Future

“For one thing, it is—by cold critical standards—the worst of the lot, with a repetitive score, painfully forced rhymes, cartoonish acting and a general approach that mistakes decibel level (literally and metaphorically) for emotional intensity” is what New York Times critic Ben Brantley wrote about the cult musical Be More Chill after it’s opening on Broadway on March 10th, 2019. Be More Chill is a musical by Joe Iconis with a book by Joe Tracz, based on the young adult sci-fi novel of the same name by Ned Vizzini. It follows high school loser Jeremy Heere on his quest to become popular by taking a pill called a with a microcomputer inside of it called a SQUIP, which implants itself into Jeremy’s brain and helps him to be more chill. Many shenanigans follow. Sound weird? It is, but that is the point.

The bad reviews did not stop at the Times. Mashable called it “a disappointment” and The Hollywood Reporter stated it “contains serious problems.” So, does it come as any surprise that the show closed five months after opening?

From the outside looking in, no. A bad Times review is a bad Times review, and a bad Times review will close a production. But a step into the Lyceum Theatre’s doors while Be More Chill played on it’s stage would suggest an entirely different story.

Excited teenagers dressed in full cosplay, standing ovations after the show’s hit “Michael in the Bathroom” belted out by George Salazar (who plays Jeremy’s best friend, Michael), a screaming stagedoor crowd that caused passersby to stop and see what celebrities where coming out (they often left disappointed), fans crying as they got to meet their favorite actors—The two pictures put together do not make much sense. What made this musical connect with this young crowd in ways that theatre critics missed, causing the show to close despite its enthusiastic audience?

Fourteen-year-old Luna discusses the wide expanse of diversity the show contains. “I especially saw this in George Salazar's performance,” she says, “with someone who's half Filipino, like me, playing such a major role in the show!” Similarly, another fan, Jenn, describes how “as a fellow Filipino who is also part of the LGBTQIA+ community, it honestly made me feel so seen for the first time” to see Salazar, a gay half-Filipino, half-Ecuadorian man, perform on a Broadway stage in a lead role. “It made me tear-up.”

The representation does not stop at race. Another fan, Skylar, says that “the fact that a character actually says ‘Oh my God, I am totally bi’ literally makes me want to sob” in reference to a bisexual character, Rich Goranski. Salazar’s character wears a rainbow pride patch on his hoodie and has the famous line, “My mothers would be thrilled!” that caused fans in the audience to scream and cheer nightly.

Beyond representation, many people love the show because of it’s message. Twenty-five year old Erika states “It gives a voice to all the weirdos and people with anxiety/depression but in a way that's also comedic and colorful and fun and people really need that!” Similarly, twenty-eight year old Kayleigh describes her experience connecting to the show. “Then, when we got to [the song] “Upgrade” and [the lyric] ‘I'm tired of being the person that everyone thinks that I am’ was sung, and I immediately began to cry in my seat because, for the entirety of my life, I've worn a facade, quieting my interests and my desires in order to make other people happy . . . I felt seen as a person.”

If representation, from race to sexuality to mental illness, is what drew people to Be More Chill, the community is where people stayed, finding their home in it’s fandom. Through being mutual fans of the show, Luna met her girlfriend, Taylor, who happily explains “also because of [Be More Chill] I have a girlfriend! She is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.” Kayleigh and Erika have found friendship in a Twitter group chat called the “Vintage Cassettes,” a play on a lyric in the show, while Luna and Taylor have true, close friends in their Twitter group chats, all formed because of their members’ mutual love for Be More Chill.

The community of Be More Chill fans—often called ‘stans’—is unlike your average fandom scene. Kayleigh describes how “being a stan of Be More Chill means being accepting of people's identities and being there for each other,” and Luna says, “in my experience, Be More Chill stans have been a lot more welcoming than stans I've interacted with in other fandoms.” Be More Chill stans are “loud and passionate” and unashamedly so.

Returning to the question at hand of what made this show connect to its audience, it was how the show was so open and welcoming, with it’s diverse cast of whacky, fun, weird characters, it allowed people to see themselves onstage. It shows people that there is a place where they belong. Luna remarks: “As someone who has stanned theatre for more than three years, it took my discovery of George and Be More Chill just over a year ago to get me to understand that I, a mixed race LGBT+ person, do have a place in this world and in this community.” Be More Chill gave so many people one thing that every person needs, a place to belong, and people to share that place with.

And while the show is not every person’s cup of tea, especially theatre critics, the stans know that. “The show isn't perfect and doesn't try to be,” Taylor says. “Be More Chill is one of the most loved and hated Broadway musicals, which makes the fandom very different. We are all very close and very protective of the show as a whole.” But, speaking on the show’s importance, Taylor states that “Be More Chill gives people a voice that they didn't know they had.” Jenn describes how “that kind of impact is something not to be undermined.”

And it is true. Influences such as Be More Chill are important in society. The fandom behind Be More Chill has given people a family, a found family. It has inspired young people of color, young LGBT+ people, like Luna and Jenn, showing them that they have a place in this world. The show’s message and how it handles topics such as mental illness has connected to millions across the globe. The societal influence of Be More Chill is far greater than any Times review or single opinion. It’s influence has inspired young people, connecting them to friends on the other side of the world, providing them with support they often do not find at home. It is showing young people that they do belong in this world, and in doing so, it is shaping the young people— the future—of this world.

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Glossary Terms:

Cosplay: The practice/art of dressing up as a fictional character

Stagedoor: Where actors enter and exit the theatre - often, this is where fans traditionally meet the actors. Stagedooring is the act of waiting at the stagedoor after a show to meet the actors and have their programs sign, a loved tradition by many theatregoers

LGBTQIA+: An acronym referring to the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex, asexual, etc., community

Stan: A shortened version of the term stalker-fan, which started out with negative connotations, but in recent years has come to be a positive term meaning super-fan. It can also be used as a verb to describe the act of becoming a stan. For example: “After hearing her new album, I totally stan Taylor Swift.”

Fandom: an umbrella/unifying group term for people who are avid fans of a piece of work

Found family:  A group of people not related by blood who consider themselves to be a family in every other sense of the word

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Works Cited

Brantley, Ben. “Review: Anxious Teenagers Learn to 'Be More Chill' on a Big Stage.” The New York Times, The New York Times, 11 Mar. 2019, www.nytimes.com/2019/03/10/theater/review-be-more-chill-joe-iconis.html.

Scheck, Frank. “'Be More Chill': Theater Review.” The Hollywood Reporter, 11 Mar. 2019, www.hollywoodreporter.com/review/be-more-chill-theater-review-1193609.

Strecker, Erin. “'Be More Chill' Will Probably Be a Broadway Hit. Too Bad It's Also a Disappointment.” Mashable, Mashable, 10 Mar. 2019, mashable.com/article/be-more-chill-review-broadway/.

[ceciliadickson]

P1D2

Cecilia Dickson

Halbert Barton

SOC 3-001

18 March 2020

Queer Happenings: An Auto-Ethnography

I often find one’s background determines one’s behavior, values, etc. I am from a small, white, upper-middle class town in Indiana. I was raised Catholic, and as such, attended private Catholic schools from preschool to high school graduation. These schools, however, were much more diverse than my hometown, being half-white, and half-non white, with a large black and Hispanic population. I, myself, am white, but what my schools did not have were a lot of LGBT+ students. Or perhaps they did, but, being Catholic schools, most of them remained closeted, like myself. I’m queer, in gender and sexuality, am growing up queer in a Catholic, Midwestern environment caused me to be, in general, more reserved and quiet in behavior, despite having some crazy anxiety.

There was one safe haven for closeted queers like myself at my high school: the theatre program. I fell in love with theatre and acting in high school, as my middle and elementary schools did not have a theatre program. This brings me to one hub—The Rudy Hart Theatre, my high school’s theatre. It’s old and dusty, with probably a hundred safety violations, and the ugly, emerald-green seats need replacing, but it is one of my favorite places on Earth. The theatre director, Mrs. Crane, and her family have been running that theatre themselves, with little to no help from the school/administration, for over twenty years. Their love for their students and that space is practically tangible in the air, from the stage, to the many hidden hallways and storage rooms under it.

Acting is where I find I can express myself the most. I’ve always felt unusual, or unwanted, being queer, which is thankfully now changing since moving away from Indiana, but acting is where I don’t have to be quiet because it’s my job to fully express the characters I play. I love finding myself in every character, and seeing how that expression impacts others, inspiring audiences. 

Perhaps it’s that unashamed expression of other characters that inspired me to start expressing myself. I remember, when I was a freshman, meeting a senior in the theatre program who I would have never met otherwise: Johanna. She was an out and proud lesbian, with a pride pin on her backpack, so colorful against the dull, oppresive hallways. When we did The Music Man that spring, I heard rumors that she wanted to audition to be the music man, Harold Hill. It blew my mind: a girl gender-bending such a traditionally male role. She inspired me to put my own pride pins on my backpack, however hesitantly, sophomore year.

“I like your pins.” That sentence, said so shyly and quietly, hesitantly, clued me into the other closeted queer students in my school. It’s funny, looking back, how all of those kids ended up doing theatre. We were like a little, queer, tapping-dancing cult. Of course, there was queerphobia, even in the theatre program. Senior boys who would called each other “faggot” and use “gay” as a slur, causing me and other queer students to close in on ourselves, sometimes even laugh along, fearing the worst would happen if we showed discomfort. 

I was never fully out in high school. I’ve always preferred to have attention off of me, and I did not want to cause a fuss, but I’ll never forget finally being a senior and being able to welcome queer underclassman into the theatre program, open and unashamedly, just like Johanna did for me before I really knew myself. I got to watch these kids grow into their skin, many of them coming out to me and their friends in the theatre program by the end of the year as a beautiful rainbow of things: transgender, gay, bisexual, pansexual, and nonbinary. Luckily, by the time I graduated, these kids were able to express and explore themselves more openly than I ever could have dreamed of when I was a freshman-turning-sophomore. Times change quickly, and I hope that’s a trend that continues in the theatre program, a trend I hope spreads to the rest of that high school, so queer couples like Rylan and Aura can hold hands walking down the hallways of Marquette Catholic High School without fear of having slurs thrown in their young faces.

After all, going through high school scared to be yourself, to even really explore yourself, really sticks with you. I had a hard time making friends in high school, even within the theatre program, where it took time to be sure that it was safe to come out with each person. This is probably because I never felt comfortable being myself for anyone, so I opted instead to stay quiet, where it was safe. Something I continue today without even being aware of it.

However, in doing this, I get the opportunity to observe some queer happenings. These happening mainly take place in the social ritual of friendship and the weird and many factors that go into it. How do people go from being strangers to acquaintances to friends? I’ve noticed some people become friends because there are no other options, like in high school. People are friends because they happen to see the same people everyday for four years. It’s almost automatic. But, then they graduate and never see each other ever again, and many often view these former friends with an oddly negative attitude. What’s the deal with this? And when this doesn’t happen, what makes a friendship deep and lasting? Is it personal connection, shared experiences, perhaps similarities and differences that either attract or repel? Some people never lose touch, no matter what. I’ve always found this fascinating. Friendships forming, falling apart, for so many reasons. How people form relationships, what it is that can draw two strangers together, or what it is that keeps others on the outskirts, intrigues me.

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Glossary terms

Queerphobia: Irrational fear of queer/LGBTQ+ people

Pansexual: a sexual identity expressing sexual attraction to anyone, regardless of gender

Nonbinary: a gender identity that does not align with the binary genders of male or female

[ceciliadickson]

P1D1

Cecilia Dickson

Halbert Barton

SOC 3-001

7 February 2020

Auto-Ethnography

I often find one’s background determines one’s behavior, values, etc. I am from a small, white, upper-middle class town in Indiana. I was raised Catholic, and as such, attended private Catholic schools from preschool to high school graduation. These schools, however, were much more diverse than my hometown, being half-white, and half-non white, with a large black and hispanic population. I, myself, am white, but what my schools did not have were a lot of LGBT+ students. Or perhaps they did, but, being Catholic schools, most of them remained closeted, like myself. I’m queer, in gender and sexuality, am growing up queer in a Catholic, Midwestern environment caused me to be, in general, more reserved and quiet in behavior, despite having some crazy anxiety.

There was one safe haven for closeted queers like myself at my high school: the theatre program. I fell in love with theatre and acting in high school, as my middle and elementary schools did not have a theatre program. This brings me to one hub—The Rude Hart Theatre, my high school’s theatre. It’s old and dusty, with probably a hundred safety violations, and the ugly, emerald-green seats need replacing, but it is one of my favorite places on Earth. The theatre director, Mrs. Crane, and her family have been running that theatre themselves, with little to no help from the school/administration, for over twenty years. Their love for their students and that space is practically tangible in the air, from the stage, to the many hidden hallways and storage rooms under it.

Acting is where I find I can express myself the most. I’ve always felt unusual, or unwanted, being queer, which is thankfully now changing since moving away from Indiana, but acting is where I don’t have to be quiet because it’s my job to fully express the characters I play. I love finding myself in every character, and seeing how that expression impacts others, inspiring audiences. 

Perhaps it’s that unashamed expression of other characters that inspired me to start expressing myself. I remember, when I was a freshman, meeting a senior in the theatre program who I would have never met otherwise: Johanna. She was an out and proud lesbian, with a pride pin on her backpack, so colorful against the dull, oppresive hallways. When he did The Music Man that spring, I heard rumors that she wanted to audition to be the music man, Harold Hill. It blew my mind: a girl gender-bending such a traditionally male role. She inspired me to put my own pride pins on my backpack, sophomore year.

Another social group I have found a home in is my wonderful group of coworkers at another hub, Sip Coffee House in Crown Point, IN. The vibe of that place is awesome. The owner is so kind, and I get along with everyone who works there. Everytime I go home for a period of time, I work there again, and I am always instantly friends with the new faces. I’ve worked doubles at Sip, being the first person in and the last to leave, and slept over night on the couch in the dining room multiple times, so needless to say, I am very familiar with that building. I know all the regulars, which ones to avoid (the creep who always orders a large, hot cherry bomb latte) and which ones leave the best tips and conversation (Bob, who orders two nonfat lattes), and which ones have never been there before. Working there makes me happy, and I think I love it so much is because it’s another safe haven in Indiana where I can just be myself, a queer, insanely passionate barista, and know I’ll be supported by my coworkers there.

So in looking at personal behavior, I am more reserved and quiet, almost code-switching, when I am at home or anywhere I don’t feel comfortable being who I am, which has caused me to be more cautious in everyday life. When I am comfortable, I relax into myself, and that’s when I feel success in myself, and happiness, whether it’s on stage or behind an espresso machine.

Probably because of my background, some questions I have about society revolve around social “norms.” How do people go from being strangers to acquaintances to friends? I’ve noticed some people become friends because there are no other options, like in high school. People are friends because they happen to see the same people everyday for four years and it just happens, but then they graduate and never see each other. What makes a friendship deeper? Is it personal connection, shared experiences, similarities and differences? Some people never lose touch, no matter what. I’ve always found this fascinating. As someone who generally has a hard time bridging the gap between acquaintance and friend, I tend to find myself on the outskirts of this behavior, which has given me some opportunity to observe it happening. Friendships forming, falling apart, for so many reasons. How people form relationships, what it is that can draw two strangers together, or what it is that keeps others on the outskirts, intrigues me.

[ceciliadickson]

A neat connection to my last post on the Kerista Village. My final papers will be about found family in theatre. The Kerista Village is a commune of found family members, and while reading up on it I couldn’t help but connect it to the theatrical musical, Hair.

Hair, the American Tribal Love-Rock Musical, premiered off-Broadway in 1967, and on Broadway in 1969. Hair was the first musical off it’s kind and revolutionized theatre, paving the way for other its like Godspell and Jesus Christ Superstar. The ideas featured in Hair deeply resemble the beliefs of the Kerista Village. The cast of Hair is always called the “Tribe” and, within the musical, the Tribe becomes it’s own family, lead by lead characters Claude Hooper-Bukowski and his friend, Berger. This family believes in drugs and free love, in long hair and free spirits, just like the Krista Commune. They are anti-war and anti-government, the main conflict of the musical being society (racism, homophobia, sexism) and government (the war draft).

Hair is famous for it’s controversial nude scene, where actors stripped onstage at the end of act one to the nude - something that could be considered shocking today, let alone shocking for the time it premiered in the 60′s! Can you imagine?

Hair took off in popularity and is still one of the most beloved musicals of the last century, and profound example of found family in theatre, both in the script, and in the dressing rooms. The Tribe of Hair lasts past when the curtain closes, as it does with all theatre, where actors, out of character, have their own rituals and friendships with their cast mates, which is something I plan to discuss further with my planned interviews, in my full P3/P4 paper.

-Cecilia

[ceciliadickson]

Intentional Communities and Best Friend Identity Clusters in the Kerista Commune.

(My comments and summarizing up to “Democratic Procedure” on page 68 in the attached PDF)

The Kerista commune was a hippie group, or “tribe”, that began in New York that practiced total free love, self-expression, and purity. It was a historical example of a “found family.” The author of this article was a member for a short period of time, near the end of the commune’s time, and reflects on its values and downfall.

The “Old Tribe” began with founder, John Presmont, “Jud” and 26 other people in Greenwich Village in the 1960s. They believed in legalizing drugs, love (from homosexuality to polygamy and polyamory), swear words, public nudity, etc. Above all, these people believed in dropping the “bullshit” and fully becoming yourself in an anarchic way.

When the author joined in 1987, the commune was a democracy in San Fransisco. There was a set of beliefs/standards called the “Gestalt-O-Rama” that listed their views, from anti-racism to pro-love. There was no hierarchy and complete economic equality - all income being shared by the commune’s members. Due to practiced polyfidelity, bedrooms were shared. cars were shared, as well, and the commune as a whole lived middle-class.

They formed “Best Friend Identity Clusters,” or BFICs, which involved up to 24 people who were best friends with every other member, and were sexually active with the opposite sex within the cluster. There was a lengthy screening process to prevent against STDs, and all men were to have a vasectomy as a contraceptive. If they refused, they were not a good fit for the commune. 

The author recalls his time in the Purple Submarine BFIC, remembering the dynamic of having multiple sexual and romantic partners at a time fondly. He recalls loving each woman like he would his former wives, and never feeling jealousy towards the other men in his BFIC, which was encouraged in the BFIC. In fact BFICs encouraged “compersion,” which was feeling happy for those of the same sex within your BFIC when they had a good time with members of the opposite sex - the opposite of jealousy.

“The Kerista commune was supposed to be a hip, fun, sexy, and personally fulfilling place to live. Yet after six months, I was starting to feel that something was wrong.“

The author continues to describe the main fault within the Kerista Commune - the purity that Jud would require of him. The Gestalt-O-Rama described a specific behavior and thought-process he wanted all members to have, and when Jud would find faults with the author’s behavior, tings he didn’t know how to fix, he’d be nearly kicked out, but ultimately allowed to rejoin.

The author describes this Gestalt-O-Rama therapy sometimes turning into bullying of new members to change, with Jud often blowing small problems out of proportion.

“The worst thing about Kerista was the endless nighttime gestalts, with someone… about something… We wouldn’t rebel if we knew that ostracism was immediate and imminent. While there was a strong sense of belonging, there was never a strong sense of security. You belonged, but you could lose it at any minute for any reason. This kept us all in a state of nervous impression-management. (Kipseeks 2003).”

The author describes how all ex-Keristans felt this was an issue, save for Jud, and eventually this led to the downfall of the commune, with Jud being the original founder, it was difficult to go against him.

“Cummings (1996) reports that many ex-Keristans considered Jud manipulative, using Gestalt-O-Rama as a control mechanism. Members were afraid to criticize him for fear of being “isolated, punished, or expelled.” . . . Jud was no longer the center of attention, his attempts at theory become more and more abstract and meaningless, and he became increasingly agitated that the commune was moving away from an economically marginal group of people who would pay attention to his raps. Jud himself was definitely a negative force in Kerista.”

It seems that the downfall came when Kerista become such a well-run, independent commune, able to survive without Jud, that Jud, in a way, perhaps without meaning to, sabotaged the commune when no one listened to him exclusively anymore.

-Cecilia

[ceciliadickson]

Soc3 Bride Notes!

Our bride is Leila! A Palestinian gal who has a drive and love for her passions in life (karate and violin, more on that later)! Her passion is her "thing" and she lights up talking about it, but also is a wonderful listener for her partner. She is driven in her passion, but incredibly supportive of her partner! She is open minded and believes in open communication, honesty, loyalty, trust, but still has a good sense of humor. She is family oriented and has similiar views to her partner, but isn't afraid to challenge him in an open, healthy conversarion should disagreements arise.

Her parents are a doctor and lawyer and she has a well connected brother on Wall Street. Her family is incredibly loving and supportive, which makes good prospects for her partner in terms of in-laws!

Her passions include violin and karate. She has a black belt and teaches, too, in the local studio! She knows how to cook and knows basic car maintenance. She likes camping and knows how to start a fire. When her and her brother were kids they'd play soccer, giving her a general interest in athletics and fitness outside of karate, including soccer and dancing (that helps with karate form)! She is not afraid to get her hands dirty! She likes pets, too, having grown up in a family with dogs.

She also has good hygiene ;)