P3/P4, D1
Cecilia Dickson
Halbert Barton
SOC 3-001
6 My 2020
The Value of Found Family
Found family is a powerful concept—a group of people who have chosen to be family for each other. There is a beautiful strength and connection when one can choose. When we combine the concepts of choice and family, that strength and connection runs deeper. In a tough, emotional field such as acting, found families emerge often. These chosen families hold a special sense of belonging that many might not have in the blood families they were born into. In addition to that bond, traditional blood family realities, such as rituals, ceremonies, inside jokes, and even estrangement can be seen in those found families, making them just as dynamic, deep, and valid as blood families.
“My highschool theatre department was my found family,” says Alexa Hinton, an acting major at LIU Brooklyn, “and now I have a new theatre family at LIU!”
Family does not always mean blood relations. For many people, family refers to a group of people completely outside of their blood family. These people often find connections with members outside of their family that run deeper and truer than those blood relations.
“In every single production I’ve been in, I’ve walked away with people who are sometimes closer to me than my actual family . . . because they understand my passion and goals in a way that no one else can.”
A trend for people who pursue the arts as a career is estrangement from blood family, especially if that family does not have a history in the arts. It is often difficult for these family members to understand why a person would pursue a difficult, often financially unrewarding career, considering that career choice to only result in failure, as Alexa mentioned.
When this happens, those people find deep connections with people who do get it.
Michael* remembers the first time he found his family. “In high school, the seniors were like the parents of the family. I literally called the person who taught me everything back then “mom.” She called me her son,” Michael describes. “We even had established aunts and uncles and cousins. That group of misfits literally created a family, like a real blood family.”
Now, Michael lives in New York City and has found another “Mom” and “Dad” in his acting classes. “My teachers in my NYC based classes sign their emails like that. I have an email here from Ryan Scott Oliver, signed ‘Best, Dad.’” Michael describes.
Vincent Van der Velde, an NYC-based actor originally from Belgium, hits the nail on the head with the reason for why actors find family with each other so easily. “Vulnerability! There is so much strength in letting go and allowing yourself and others to be vulnerable, without any judgment,” which is the heart and soul of theatre. “The bond is created so quickly!”
Vincent goes on to explain the different experiences he’s had in his various theatre families, experiences that parallel real family dynamics. “You can experience family in different ways. Competitive and selfish, yet pushing each other forward and having a deep profound love. Our group has always been honest and loving, pushing each other in a healthy way, yet always honest! For better and for worse.”
Vincent also describes “blood” family dynamics at his studio acting school. “There’s this sense of the [Stella Adler] Studio as one big family, then every year has its own smaller family, and within that family you find your brothers and sisters, your father [or] mother figure, the niece [or] nephew you decide to mentor.”
And just like real blood families, it is not always smooth sailing with a person’s chosen family.
“The industry is too often driven by money, personal gain, ambition—the unhealthy kind,” Vincent describes. “In the professional world . . . there’s not always the establishment of a family, and that’s a pity because I firmly believe it’s part of being an actor.”
Alexa even was estranged from her high school found theatre family.
“Because it is such a vulnerable place to be in a theatre . . . it has been almost more damaging in some relationships than the trauma that I’ve experienced with my [blood] family. [. . .] I wound up getting cast in a regional production outside of school that coincided with our fall main stage. When I told my director, I thought he would be proud of me, but instead he was angry because he had already planned on casting me in the lead. I started to realize more and more how controlling the environment had been, and the more I started speaking up for myself, the more left out I felt. It was literally like losing my entire family at once because friends I had known forever started distancing themselves and I no longer felt welcome.”
However, despite getting shunned from people who Alexa deemed her family, she has since found a new family in theatre, and has even grown from her experience.
“Now that I’m removed from the situation more I realize that it was the best thing that could have happened to me because, now, the only people in my life are the ones that truly have my back—and we’re closer than ever.”
Alexa even goes on to describe the small things in her found theatre family at LIU that mirror blood family relations.
“It really is just like a family, where even if someone sometimes gets on your nerves, or you don’t always agree, I love [them] all more than anything.”
Similar to real blood families, theatre families and found families have rituals.
“Every single show,” Michael begins, “we stand in a circle backstage and pray. Half of us are atheists, and the other half hardly religious, but we pray for a good and safe show, especially on opening night.”
“And, back when I was in my high school theatre family, the seniors always sat at certain mirrors in the dressing room, and they’d pass them down to the next class when they left! It was like the head of the family dinner table!”
LIU Brooklyn student Garrett Bailey describes a family tradition from his community theatre. “Before each show, we would [make] a circle, and we had a Tech Cape and a Gypsy Robe. The Tech Cape was for the technician that had been in the most shows and the Gypsy Robe was for the actor who had been in the most shows . . . they would be awarded from the people who had them last to the next person.” In addition to the robes and capes, there would also be a speech, and the current holder of the hierloom would create and sew a patch onto it before the next ceremony was held, making their mark on the hierloom. This is parallel to family hierlooms and ceremonies in traditional “blood” families, living through theatrical found families.
Garrett even describes their version of Secret Santa, which they called “Secret Dumpling” in an inside joke, reminiscent of inside jokes and traditions unique and specific to every individual blood family.
Lily Ralph describes her high school theatre family’s ritual of the “Saint Genesius Letter.” One night, her drama teacher wanted to pray to Saint Genesius, the patron saint of actors, but was upset because the school had banned prayer as a form of practicing religion. Then, on opening night, her drama teacher found a letter on her car from Saint Genesius. “So basically,” Lily describes, “for thirty years, for every opening night . . . Saint Genesius, who was actually a secret group of students, would hide the letter super early in the morning . . . that incorporated a bunch of inside jokes or was a nod to something that happened in the show. The cast and crew would get in a circle and a senior would read the letter [as] everyone held hands.”
Theatrical groups of people go beyond just that. Often, through the vulnerability and openness found in such people, the common thread that they each have of rejection of society or their own blood families, actors often form their own found families. There is power and love and strength, a deep connection, to be found in a chosen family. For every person, this family is unique, and many find more than one, each with their own traditions and rituals steeped in heart and soul, making these found families just as real as blood families.
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*Name changed, wished to remain anonymous
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Glossary Terms
Found family: A group of people not related by blood who consider themselves to be a family in every other sense of the word
Blood family: A group of people related by blood
Main stage: The largest productions theatrical venues put on
Opening night: The first night a production is open for a public audience to see, usually fraught with nervous excitement from the cast and crew