cedreamge

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC969Zj1DGSM0QqF-CksUFXQ/featured

[cedreamge]

a mão dela era um saco plástico a pele de quem quase já não está pálpebras inchadas como as minhas mas eu não tenho edema para justificar

para parar um coração embolia pulmonar para curar uma relação esperar, esperar, esperar

[cedreamge]

Push & Pull

Pull and push and pull again

Pay your dues for heaven’s plan

Push and pull and push again

Break the pattern, break the man

Pull and push and pull again

Throw yourself in the lion’s den

Push and pull and push again

Don’t seek the power, seek the end

[cedreamge]

I Work Everyday

Have you ever heard the bells sing in Montserrat

or seen an eagle spread its wings in Ketchikan?

Have you ever had fresh baklava in Kusadasi

or pet a roaming cat in the island of Delos?

Have you ever tried a rustico in Lecce

or ordered a focaccia to go in Genoa?

Have you ever watched the waves in Camogli

or eaten a phallic waffle in Valencia?

Have you ever sipped mama juana in Puerto Plata

or drowned in the moisture of a rum cake in Nassau?

Have you ever gotten lost late at night in Ho Chi Minh

or been abruptly interrupted by monkeys in Ubud?

Have you ever chatted with an All Black in Auckland

or caught the flag ceremony in the memorial in Melbourne?

Have you ever walked alongside rangers in Komodo

or hitched a Tuk-Tuk ride cross Zadar?

Have you ever spoken to an East Timorean in Darwin

or peeked at iguanas by the pier in Charlotte Amalie?

Have you ever gone grocery shopping in Thursday Island

or taken off in search of Hokey-Pokey in Cairns?

Have you ever been so alive as to wander

where life could take you next?

I work everyday.

Yet I still want to work more.

[cedreamge]

He didn't taste sweet.

Yet he was everything I wanted to try.

[cedreamge]

Suicide Diaries

I don't want your suicide diaries I don't deserve your suicide note I don't answer to last inquiries of a dead man jumping home

Cowardice is not miraculous but your cat standing before you is I never asked to be a part of your sorrow What makes you think I've earned this?

[cedreamge]

DAY AT SEA 22.04.22

Who am I if I am different in every country I set foot in? Who am I if I am distant until I’m asked all my secrets? Who am I if I’m more concerned with someone else’s reputation? Who am I if I prioritise other’s feelings over my own? Who am I if I keep trying to convince myself I’m wrong? Who am I if I’m so tired of being lost and alone? Who am I if I still feel closeted, masked, hidden still? Who am I if the true me keeps changing at God’s will? Who am I if not a liar? Who am I if not a fluke, a fake person I invented just to please all of you? Who am I to even question who I am in front of you?

[cedreamge]

A Eulogy for the Living

Who gets to tell my story if no one knows it beginning to end? Who gets to write my eulogy if no one’s seen how my life was spent? Let this be an early one the living need to vent. I’ll lay an early grave coffin’s ready this is how life went Born with a foot in each continent as my grandma used to say Actually, what do I know? She died so long ago that little girl and me we’re not the same Troubled beyond compare let them stare this is the freak’s lair Some call it home but for the girl it’s just more weight to bear if it looks nice it’s just a trap meant to ensnare you if it looks bad you still don’t know what awaits you

At 14 baby steps crawling out the crib progress, regress hiccups, bumps and bibs and all was warm up for the coming trips

You could never imagine the sequence of facts that led me to the day I said fuck all of that I ain’t feeling bad for something someone else did I’m only a victim if I let myself be treated like the one who’s fragile and broken the one who’s lived through unspoken things, but I’ll speak about everything

sexual assault, and kidnapping blackmail, human trafficking stalking and harassment just in passing hunger and homelessness pity the roofless for it’s a ruthless life bow down to their strife they ain’t wearing no stripes and even if they were bow down to their struggles bow down to the ones who overcame their troubles bow down to the dumb the smart, the illiterate help with the shopping carts and shopping lists from hell bow down to the keepers the cleaners, the sweepers bow down to the ones who bow down to make our reflections look clearer

If there’s one thing I learned in life is to appreciate every moment of it every person in it we get and we give and if you can’t do that I just refuse to live to see you take, take, take and I’ll never forgive the ones who sat through my eulogy took everything and added nothing to it

[cedreamge]

Caution, for this cautionary tale is an extraordinary tale.

Be cautious to believe it, ‘cos if you ain’t seen it, who’s to say it’s real?

[cedreamge]

Adriatic Nothingness

exhaustion's got the colour blue 'cos that's all I see outside my window pane in Split in Piraeus it's a little grimmer grey and yellow for the pavement black for the dogs sunbathing in the terminal as I run around back and forth and back, leading and being led by the weary dread of a life without meaning nor destination knowing soon my new location will be Venice or Veniece yes, ma'am please put your valiese outside in the hallway as some shadow of me will pick it up because we take care of it and either way we'll never see you again

so go ahead and I'll see you off in Brindisi before I pick up my delivery and go onshore for the pure bliss of trees, fresh food and 4G

and I remember when I could hardly believe my eyes as I saw the green in Mykonos after so long at sea or cement a sea of lament as I began to drive myself crazy even before the craze began and here I am under the sun amidst the Adriatic nothingness exhausted and tired of the forever blue view I once so dearly cherished

close my eyes to sleep as a dungeon fills my imagination as I'm trapped and drowned and suffocated by the water out my window pane

[cedreamge]

Safe Flight

when you care about someone

you're there for them

at the airport

whether you receive them

or dispatch them

is of no importance.

i should have known

you'd never be

at the airport

for me.

[cedreamge]

Thank you for teaching me one should always put themselves first.

Shame that it took me years of us both putting myself second.

[cedreamge]

Once Upon a Time

Don’t you know I once had dreams? But now, all I have is plans Don’t you know I once had dreams? But now, all I have are plans Don’t you know I once had dreams? But now, all I have is plans Don’t you know I once had you? But now, all I have is myself.

[cedreamge]

If only I were good at baseball

when everything’s working out

life throws you a curveball

if only I were a better batter

I’d make it through it all

[cedreamge]

Farewell My Friends

I'm scared to use the word 'friend',

'cause even though I'm selective of them,

they always seem to hurt me in the end.

Now, after betrayal, I make no amends.

Yet who would have thought

that having no friends

would pain me just the same?

[cedreamge]

A Gaze Beyond the Future

There lies the secret we swore to keep There lies the lies we swore to seek There lies the truth somewhere buried deep There lies the happiness that we need Everything lies far ahead There’s no way to pretend It’s all good Everything lies in the distance All that is left Is to do as we would

[cedreamge]

Good at Being Bad

you know how the old saying goes speak well of me speak ill of me as long as I am spoken of and girl I’m good at being bad, you know

[cedreamge]

What’s there to regret?

Well, I'm not proud of what I've done but I sure regret none of the things I did to you.

Know that I'd never hold back if you asked what I really thought of you.

I don't hate you but I don't wish you good.