mars

someone who should be banned from having a blog on anything ever

[celeryuser]

guys

[celeryuser]

the clarity i get following a period of bad mental health is so humbling. i always think my actions during them make sense at the time but i often come to realise they DON'T and it sucks because poor mental health does not exempt you from being a bad or annoying person. most people to ever have mistreated me had every excuse to. i genuinely can't even blame some people who have caused irreparable harm to me. but that really does not mean i should have to keep them in my life because the consequences of their actions were still bad and i know they haven't changed

like fuck sometimes i actually just need to cop on and do better. especially when my problems are so chronic it does just get to a point where i can't just let them dictate my life forever. maybe i will always be overwhelmed and maybe it will never get better but the least i can do is not project that onto other people or just wait around for someone to help me

[celeryuser]

tipsy in my room listening to sonic youth. this is unironically top 10 moments of my life

[celeryuser]

maybe panic attacks are a sign i should do something about it. controversial opinion i know. hottest take known to man

[celeryuser]

i thought i'd gotten over my body image issues and fear of continuing to be fat but any time it's suggested to me that antidepressants may be a good idea my first thought is no i don't want to take anything that might make me gain weight

[celeryuser]

maybe i feel the way that i do because i've been listening to so much elliott smith lately

[celeryuser]

so what do you even do when you've grown to become so ashamed of every one of your emotions that it feels like you can't talk about anything anymore

[celeryuser]

day 1 of talking about my feelings: scared. why? that's for day 216

[celeryuser]

so what do you even do when you've grown to become so ashamed of every one of your emotions that it feels like you can't talk about anything anymore

[celeryuser]

in the name of the father son and holy spirit please god can i never be dragged into another conversation with a man on a night out i just can't do this anymore amen

[celeryuser]

i love those beautiful moments when i'm learning something and something small clicks and i'm like WAIT there is nothing fundamental about me preventing me from becoming good at this and i genuinely DO just need repetition and trial and error and people weren't lying to me all along

[celeryuser]

found out how to block myself from opening instagram while still getting notifications oh we are SO back

[celeryuser]

dude WHATEVER!!!

[celeryuser]

i wish i got really into music when i was like 14 and didn't care if what i played sounded like shit and also that i knew no one who played music whatsoever so i'd have no one to compare myself to ❤️❤️❤️

i need to be as good as all my friends who have been playing music for years RIGHT NOW or i'm ending it all i hate guitar this is so embarrassing

[celeryuser]

i say all this after a productive day of guitar playing but my fingers are too sore to perfect what i've learned so now i am full of hatred and self loathing and am deeply humiliated for even trying

[celeryuser]

i wish i got really into music when i was like 14 and didn't care if what i played sounded like shit and also that i knew no one who played music whatsoever so i'd have no one to compare myself to ❤️❤️❤️

i need to be as good as all my friends who have been playing music for years RIGHT NOW or i'm ending it all i hate guitar this is so embarrassing

[celeryuser]

i am never escaping the derealisation 🤗

[celeryuser]

you know what maybe i'm not sad and pathetic and miserable and heartbroken enough for mitski's new album. this is a first

[celeryuser]

getting depressed again just in time for mitski's new album 🙌 only 24 hours away