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[celestialplatypus]

Would you rather: TikTok grandfather or YT Shorts grandmother

[wizard-dracula]

Michel Foal-Colt

He’s about to drop the hoofstory of sexuality volume 1

[wizard-dracula]

The first beast has a masters degree????

[k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9]

[wizard-dracula]

Okay so I’ve just spent £30 on the requisite materials to make this Robbie Williams cross stitch pattern I found on Vinted. Bad decision whatever.

But!

Due to the nature of embroidery supplies, I can make atleast two Robbie Williams cross stitches, bringing down my costs to £15 per Robbie. And hell! I think three is definitely possible. Which brings me down to £10 per Robbie. And maybe fou- *I am caught in a comedically large net and placed in a jar full of weighted blankets and salmon*

[wizard-dracula]

One down…

[wizard-dracula]

Boyfriend just said “you’re craving an Asian land journey’ to me???

[celestialplatypus]

He said he wanted Chinese takeaway and also Indian takeaway, it was a perfectly reasonable observation to make

[wizard-dracula]

Boyfriend cubebaited me about the nine inch nails concert (I genuinely believed pinhead would be there)

[celestialplatypus]

I shouldve gone with the other hint word I was considering which was Ka’bah

[celestialplatypus]

Boyfriend who hits you in the jaw with his shoulder because he mid-conversation drops everything and starts literally jumping for joy because there is a drag queen performance to They’re Taking the Hobbits to Isengard, and who midway through starts genuinely crying of joy

[celestialplatypus]

Boyfriend who hears the first notes of Mr Brightside at the function and turns to you and says “well it’s not their best song”

[wizard-dracula]

*to the tune of Eleanor rigby*

Solomon Grundy, born in a swamp used to be Butch Gilzean, now he’s just mean

[celestialplatypus]

He just did this straight off the dome

[celestialplatypus]

Boyfriend turning his back on me in bed like a long-dead marriage for thinking Avril Lavigne and Hayley Paramore are the same person

[wizard-dracula]

Boyfriend (autistic about prehistoric animals), reading aloud from a passage of Cicero: “nor can creatures of the land have come out of salt pools” Hahaha! Sucks to suck dude

[celestialplatypus]

Simply take the L, Cicero

[wizard-dracula]

Dangers of dating a goth: if we’re in the club and I say safety pin came loose I mean I have been punctured in the mons pubis

I love you so much my darling miPwewwwwwww

[wizard-dracula]

(Ignoring my boyfriends editorial) another danger of having a boyfriend of my archetype is that when Chelsea dagger comes on I do have a full burlesque routine planned and you will only be warned with “catch my gloves”

[zinjanthropusboisei]

losing it

[celestialplatypus]

“Your balls move like a lava lamp” - the man I am sexually actively with and also love dearly

[celestialplatypus]

“Zeppelins really are the hamsters of the air” - my beautiful boyfriend

[wizard-dracula]

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

Within Vanilla Ice’s Void, Avdol begins to ponder eternity.

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I haven’t written fic in almost two years, but I saw this post and felt possessed by the spirit.

[celestialplatypus]

Genuinely terrifying and so, so well written