Day 26 of yapping about songs and how they fit Link Click
<- Day 25 / Day 27 ->
Songs Google Sheet
Back again! With more Conan Gray.... I really wanna do family line (by Conan Gray) too but I'm tryna spread out my non shiguang songs.
Writing this in the midst of having my twitter notifications being blown up by lctwt after I gave them horror movie roles and now my notifs are full of threats from the villains. Help me.
I actually wrote this over a couple days but that was my initial situation LMAO the waters are calm now (still getting bullied but I guess that's normal)
This was intended to be a mean CXS post in order to get back at a certain someone (hi) but I'm gonna be honest, it's not that bad. I struggled so much to put my thoughts into words that it's not good LOL
Class Clown by Conan Gray
Lyrics
Growing up didn't go how I'd liked
It twists and turns like the limbs of a pine
Trying to grow on earth that writhes
And do it all with the biggest smile
Half my friends barely know who I am
And there's none at fault but this own singing man
Don't wanna hear that I'm trailer trash
It's a heavy topic for crystal glass
Everything comes back around, I still feel like the class clown
Everything comes back around, I still feel like the class clown
Take your pick, be laughed at or laughed with
I learned early on, either way, it's a shit stick
While my father was barreling fists
I was laughing all the way through it
And now the blondies are clutching their ribs
From my latest joke from my old bag of tricks
But there's this beautiful moment in it
Where I can sorta just vanish
Everything comes back around, I still feel like the class clown
Everything comes back around, I still feel like the class clown
Everything is over now, I still feel like the class clown
Like if I get older now, I'll let my younger version down
And if I stop laughing, all the blood will just start pouring out
'Cause everything comes back around, I still feel like the class clown
Mm, mm
Been tryna talk to my sister about it
We joke a million jokes through the phone
Nothing funny about that home
But her and I, we already know
Everything comes back around, I still feel like the class clown
Everything comes back around, I still feel like the class clown
Ah (everything comes back around, everything comes back around)
Ah (everything comes back around, everything comes back around)
(Everything comes back) mm
Everything comes back
Cheng Xiaoshi pov
So, I feel like the song is mostly self explanatory, but basically it's about growing up with a rough childhood, and using humor to cope when around your friends, but even when you try to hide your feelings, they come back and hit you later, and life and its experiences repeat themselves. There's also an interpretation I saw that this song was also about how Conan Gray, the singer and song writer, grew up in a low income household, so "class clown" was referring to social class. I think it's both, but for the Cheng Xiaoshi part of this, we're gonna refer more to the first meaning.
When Cheng Xiaoshi's parents left, he was constantly ridiculed by his classmates, and while he lashed out a lot, I feel like as he got a little older, he tried to make his classmates and teachers/adults around him like him more, or at least be kinder to him, by using humor as a way to get them to laugh and at least appreciate his presence more, so at least they wouldn't ridicule him. And also he would use it as a way to try to keep himself happy and push down the hurt he feels about his parents leaving. Plus, I'm like pretty sure he does make jokes like that in canon (or I just read too much fan fiction), so I don't think it's unreasonable to believe he'd put on a class clown persona at school.
Growing up didn't go how I'd liked
It twists and turns like the limbs of a pine
Trying to grow on earth that writhes
And do it all with the biggest smile
When he was a young kid, Cheng Xiaoshi thought that his life would always be like this, happy with both of his parents, so he didn't expect that would all change, and instead, he'd be ridiculed by his peers and the adults around him that are supposed to help him. So, he had to learn, mostly by himself (he had QL of course) how to navigate through life in a world that was against him, and he had to try to be likeable, or else he'd just be that no good misbehaving kid who's parents left him, which lead to him covering up his anger and sadness about his parents, with humor. As long as he can be a humorous and happy kid who makes his class laugh, he'll have friends who stick around, right?
Half my friends barely know who I am
And there's none at fault but this own singing man
Don't wanna hear that I'm trailer trash
It's a heavy topic for crystal glass
But, since he's just made himself this humorous friend, he feels like he can't open up, because that might be too much for his friends, and they'll just leave him like his parents did. And he really can't open up about his feelings because they'll just ridicule him for his parents leaving him, like what's happened for years. It's a heavy topic for a relationship where your friends don't really know you because you're too scared of them leaving you too.
Everything comes back around, I still feel like the class clown
Everything comes back around, I still feel like the class clown
Even as he's gotten older, since his parents left in elementary and he's lived through middle and highschool, experiences repeat. The jokes he makes to cover up how he feels and about his parents, or to make people like him so he won't seem like too much or too damaged by his trauma, these experiences repeat, even as he goes to college and meets more people. The repetition throughout the song just emphasizes this.
Take your pick, be laughed at or laughed with
I learned early on, either way, it's a shit stick
Repetitive, ik, but kids (and adults) would laugh at and taunt Cheng Xiaoshi for his parents leaving him, but if he could make them laugh with him, at least life would be a little less bearable.
While my father was barreling fists
I was laughing all the way through it
Well, this part isn't really fitting since Cheng Xiaoshi didn't have a physically abusive dad, as you know, but in a way, he still had to deal with what he did to him. CXS's dad (and mom) left him alone, and even tho kids bullied him and threw his homework away and such, if he reacted negatively, he was just that bad kid, so the best option would be to just laugh his way through all of the comments he receives.
And now the blondies are clutching their ribs
From my latest joke from my old bag of tricks
But there's this beautiful moment in it
Where I can sorta just vanish
He uses his trauma from his parents leaving as a source of humor for his jokes, and now he's not just the kid with the parents who abandoned him, he has their attention, he made them laugh, and for that moment, it's like he's a different person. Someone who's worthy of that attention, he's part of their group and not someone you just leave behind. But everything, all of those feelings, come back around to hit him again later when he's alone at the photo studio again for the nth year in a row.
Everything is over now, I still feel like the class clown
Like if I get older now, I'll let my younger version down
And if I stop laughing, all the blood will just start pouring out
'Cause everything comes back around, I still feel like the class clown
Mm, mm
OK CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE BRIDGE BECAUSE DAMN THE JUMP IN ENERGY IS JUST BEAUTIFUL JESUS CHRIST I LOVE IT. AND THE LYRIC CHANGE TO "everything is over now" JUST PERFECTION.
Ok back to what people care about, even when he's out of school, grown past the age where kids tend to be immature and taunt people for things like his parents, that doesn't erase the trauma or the habits he's developed to cover them up, even when he has people around him who love and care about him (such as QL and LG) those experiences from his childhood will always be there. Part of his personality is just joking about things, but it's still used to cover up his feelings. Partially because he's still too scared of being 'too much' and scaring his friends off, he's scared they'll leave just like his parents. So, if he "stops laughing" and actually expresses his hurt, he thinks people will leave him again cause he's not just the fun friend who's there to make you laugh and make sure everyone has a good time. No one wants to help the one making an emotional mess and ruining the chill vibe.
Been tryna talk to my sister about it
We joke a million jokes through the phone
Nothing funny about that home
But her and I, we already know
While Qiao Ling's parents were there for her, and probably some for Cheng Xiaoshi, she was still there throughout all of his childhood, through his parents leaving and him dealing with that, through the taunts from neighborhood/school kids and families, so that's almost definitely strengthened their relationship, and she understands that part of him more than anyone else. And even if CXS does joke about it, she knows how he really feels or felt, she knows he's not just brushing it off.
I don't really have anything to say there that I feel like I can put into words. I'm struggling guys. (not even sure that should really even be plural)
Outro
Okay, I had a clear vision for this one but just struggled to put it into words so this might kinda suck, but I tried. I hope you at least get an idea of what the vision was meant to be.
Actually kinda proofread this one, but was only brave enough to skim it and only changed the wording a tiny bit in some places.
Anyways, thanks for reading!! Lmk if you have any song requests for what I should do next time or any songs of your own that you'd like to share!
Day 25 of yapping about songs and how they relate to Link Click
Songs Google Sheet
<- Day 24 / Day 26 ->
WE'RE SO BACK!! uhm, I originally just got too busy to work on this, then fixated on art, and then was simply too lazy, but uh, I'm back!! I'll try to update at least weekly. Sorry if this has any typos, I have a bandaid on my index finger cuz I somehow cut my finger on a yogurt container earlier?? and it affects my typing much more than I feel it should.
I've been listening to SO MUCH Conan Gray lately and now it's literally just taken over my link click playlist, and this is one of the like 5 songs from Wishbone that's been rotating being on loop for hours at a time.
Do I Dare by Conan Gray
Lyrics
They say a clean cut heals the quickest
December to may was spick and spotless
But when some cynical thing happens to me
You're still the very first name I'd like to reach to tell
'Cause only you'd find it funny
Do I dare
Do I dare
Do I dare
Repair?
Do I dare
Do I dare
Reach out and ask you how you've been?
Do I dare
Do I dare
Do I dare?
I saw a wren fly at a window
And if I befriend you, will I crash in magnificent blur?
Fall to the curb, rotting alone, like when you left me first
It took a year to repair what I lost
Might take another if I call
Do I dare
Do I dare
Do I dare
Repair?
Do I dare
Do I dare
Reach out and ask you how you've been?
Do I dare
Do I dare
Do I dare?
Will you want to hear from me? (Every day, every day)
Holdin' back the words that we (never say, never say)
So do I wait by the phone, every day, lonely, or
Do I dare
Do I dare
Do I dare
Repair?
Do I dare
Do I dare
Reach out and ask you how you've been?
Do I dare
Do I dare
Do I dare?
Lu Guang pov
So, this song is about wanting to reach out to an ex a while after breaking up, and wondering if it's worth it to reach out and try to become friends again, or if it'll just crash and burn like the relationship. This isn't really fitting for Lu Guang, or in this case, of course, Shiguang, unless you, of course, change your perspective, and look at it through glasses tinted with my favorite AU. Lu Guang dives back in time and decides to never meet Cheng Xiaoshi in order to prevent his death (are we really surprised I chose something like this as my return song) and this is basically awhile afterwards, maybe it even worked, like the time of his death happened and he lived, and now that he's safe, Lu Guang is wondering if he can meet him now, and maybe then, he won't cause his death node by meeting him since it's so many years later.
They say a clean cut heals the quickest
Lu Guang decided that the best way to save Cheng Xiaoshi and prevent his death, was by diving back in time and cutting their relationship off before it could even start, it would be the way to prevent his suffering the most, because he'd never go through the horrors that happened after he met LG, and LG wouldn't have to see him die again. So, this clean cut, means that CXS won't have trauma at the fault of his abilities and won't have literal injuries from the stuff he gets involved with after meeting LG.
December to may was spick and spotless
Lu Guang would NOT be having an easy, spick and spotless time during this, but let's say for Cheng Xiaoshi then, cuz that's mostly what he cares about. Cheng Xiaoshi's life from the time they were meant to meet to the time of his original death node, went perfectly, he lived, and after that to not get his hopes up, LG still waits for it to happen, but it doesn't (December to May).
But when some cynical thing happens to me
You're still the very first name I'd like to reach to tell
'Cause only you'd find it funny
Even though he hasn't been around Cheng Xiaoshi for years at this point, Lu Guang still misses him, and his first impulse when things happen to him, is to turn to CXS, because he's the only one who ever really got him.
Do I dare
Do I dare
Do I dare
Repair?
Do I dare
Do I dare
Reach out and ask you how you've been?
And now that it's months after Cheng Xiaoshi was supposed to die, but he didn't, Lu Guang wants to give into the impulse that he's had ever since the moment he walked away from CXS, he wants to talk to him again. But, is it worth it? Would it undo the thing that he's waited so many years for and worked so hard for? Would he just cause Cheng Xiaoshi's death again? Does he dare risk having to see his best friend die in his arms again?
I saw a wren fly at a window
And if I befriend you, will I crash in magnificent blur?
Fall to the curb, rotting alone, like when you left me first
Wrens, despite their size, are also called the king of the birds, and they symbolize moving forward and perseverance. So, they're revered as this great and powerful thing, but even the Wren came to its end by crashing into something that it couldn't see coming.
So, no matter how good things are going, no matter how powerful Lu Guang feels by outsmarting the death node, even if he THINKS he outsmarted the death node by not meeting Cheng Xiaoshi when he was meant to, the death node may still happen, and he won't be able to see it coming, and it'll mean he failed all over again.
So, Lu Guang is the wren, if he befriends Cheng Xiaoshi again, despite the death node having passed, he might run into another one, one he won't be able to see coming, and it'll destroy him all over again, and he'll be all alone, again.
Sorry if that was literally the worlds worst analysis, I SUCK at literary analysis guys.
Will you want to hear from me? (Every day, every day)
Holdin' back the words that we (never say, never say)
So do I wait by the phone, every day, lonely, or
Lu Guang wondering if maybe so much time has passed that Cheng Xiaoshi won't need him in his life, maybe he won't need him around and he's just ruining things by coming back. And he wonders if he should continue to sit around, lonely and longing for CXS to speak to him again, even if he knows that'll never happen unless he starts the relationship, since CXS has no reason to talk to him otherwise. So, should he sit longing, or does he dare to start their friendship and risk getting his best friend (cough cough, love of his life) killed again?
Man I'm struggling on the bridge, cut me some slack.
Outro (is this finally the best name for this section??)
Uh yeah sorry it's been a bit, but I hope this was alright and not the worst thing ever written by a human being! Once again didn't proofread and make sure that any of this actually makes sense so uhhh, yeah some stuff I say might not make sense, woops.
Thank you for reading until the end! As always, lmk if you have any requests for what I should do next, or want to share songs of your own! <3
stormborns
dailybridgerton
izzy806
areudirty
janainaart
theartofmadeline
