So… vent art isn’t something I normally post. It’s not something draw a lot, but I’ve been coming to work on this piece a lot until I finished it last night.
As April steadily approaches, so does the 1 year mark of when my partner and I of 5 years came to the mutual agreement to separate. Our relationship turned from something romantic to just a friendship. It doesn’t even feel like it’s been almost a year, to me it feels like yesterday.
You don’t really realize how much of yourself you gave to someone until it’s finally over. I’d been with my partner for so long that I don’t even truly know who I am anymore, I gave over a huge part of myself that I don’t think I’m ever going to get back. Instead, I have to refill it with something else, like new friends, projects, my current boyfriend of 2 years (I was polyamorous before anyone asks). It’s all helping me heal little by little but handprints have been left on my soul, and it’s the most broken I’ve ever been.
I didn’t.. know that there was even a world or a possibility or something different outside of my relationship as at the time, I assumed we would be spending our entire lives together. I essentially dated my partner for a quarter of my lifespan, and now I just don’t understand how you can give that much of your life and time to someone and have it all slowly fade away?
Truthfully, I’m in pieces, but also so angry. I’m still in pieces and part of me isn’t entirely sure if I’ll ever be able to function or heal from this, and I’m angry that I’ve been left this way. But making this… helped, it helped me realize that he’s already let go, so I need to as well. I have people there to catch me and I currently have a partner who loves me and supports me so much. I have hope that I’ll be able to heal and move on eventually, even if it’s not today, or even a few years from now. One day, I’ll look back on this relationship and say that it had a good run, but I’ll never go back, as I’ll never be happier than I am once I move on.
My ex and I are still friends, and I still love him quite a bit, but I’m letting go that he’s never coming back to me. I’ll always miss him, I miss him all the time since I gave him all of my time. But I’m finding ways to fill that silence, and I think with time I’ll be able to grow in our friendship and truly view him as my friend instead of an ex that I wish still cared about me that way that I do to him.
Anyway, here’s some other songs I cried my eyes out to to help me cope, lol.
I remember he liked Imagine Dragons, I still love them lol.
