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@cerenkocabas
cerenkocabaş ⇥ dependent muse blog for lakehowellhq penned by karolina (she/her, est, 29)
ceren kocabaş -> twenty-seven | the airhead | cemre baysel
↳ caard | introduction ↳ connections | plot ideas ↳ playlist ↳ pinterest ↳ musings ↳ visage
closed starter for: ceren kocabas | @cerenkocabas
from a distance, he watches ceren, unsure whether now is the right moment to approach her. after a few moments of contemplation, he decides to go for it. "hey," he murmurs as he settles beside her. conversations like these have never been his forte. despite still grappling with the news, ceren is the first person he thinks of. "i'm sorry about cat," he offers, deliberately leaving aaron out of the equation. his sympathy for ceren is genuine, but his feelings toward aaron are less than warm. perhaps jealousy plays a part. "how are you holding up?"
She's too lost in her thoughts that it takes a few seconds for her to notice Eren's presence. With a warm smile, she gestures for him to join her, but it fades as he mentions Cat. "Thank you," she murmurs, her voice tinged with a fragile gratitude as she brushes away a solitary tear. "First Aaron, now my sister," she confesses, her words weighed down by the burden of grief. Gathering herself with a deep breath, she attempts a smile, albeit fleeting. "I still can't wrap my head around the fact that they're gone, you know?" she admits, her laughter tinged with exhaustion. "I'm so tired of crying. It's not a good look on me." As she shifts her gaze to Eren, a flicker of curiosity dances in her eyes. "And you, Eren? It's been ages. How's life in France?" A glimmer of genuine joy flickers across her face, a more enduring smile taking its place.
"for the spiralling? absolutely not but they could at least sort their issues with each other out in person instead of in the one method of communication we have." he sighed knowing that was unlikely to happen. "don't worry i promise not to be too intolerable if you promise the same thing. you have to promise not to flirt with me too i know how you love to do that and i am pretty irresistible." elias winked.
"People gotta vent, right? And besides, what else are we going to use the group chat for? Just to keep tally on whose turn it is to be the next victim?" She chuckled, though the thought wasn't exactly amusing. "Me? Intolerable?" She mockingly feigned offense, but the glint of mischief in her eyes gave her away. With an exaggerated roll of her eyes, she stood up before him. "Well, now you're asking for too much. You know the effect you have on me," she quipped, flashing a fake sweet smile before raising her hand as if swearing an oath. "But fine, I'll do my best not to give in to my natural instincts and flirt with you."
STARTER FOR : kai krungthep ／ TAG : @dekaiser ／
She taps gently on the door, peeking in cautiously before slipping inside, relieved to see only Kai in the room. A soft, dreamy expression flits across her face as she settles onto one of the beds. "Hey," she begins, her words trailing off as she searches for the right way to lighten the mood. Despite the weight of recent events, she finds herself drawn to Kai's presence, appreciating his bluntness amidst the chaos. "Just wanted to make sure you're okay," she ventures, her gaze flickering over to him before she continues, "you've been very supporting lately, but I worry I haven't been there for you as much. How are you holding up?" Aware that many would sidestep such conversations, she hesitates, uncertain if Kai will open up. Yet she decides to give it a shot.
STARTER FOR : aiden thompson ／ TAG : @aidenshouse ／
She had been expertly skirting around Aiden ever since they arrived, a subtle dance to avoid any awkward encounters, especially with Kylie being at the house. Having lost Cat and Aaron already, the last thing she wanted was to jeopardize her friendship with Kylie. But fate had a cruel sense of humor, trapping her in this house longer than she ever intended. As she steps into the kitchen, her heart sinks at the sight of Aiden. Instinct screams to flee, but she's rooted to the spot, her usual flighty demeanor momentarily subdued as she conjures up a strained smile. "Guess this place is bigger than I thought that we hadn't seen each other yet," she quips, her voice wavering slightly as she reaches for a glass. "How's it going?" she adds, mustering up casual conversation despite the whirlwind of emotions swirling inside her.
anywhere
closed for @cerenkocabas
"Would it really be that bad if he did take us all out at this point?" Kylie asked as she pulled out her, pressing the screen as she opened up the camera to take a selfie with a sad pout. "I'm documenting for when they find us and our things so they can see how sad I was in my final days" she shrugged, "but yeah.. would it be all that bad? At least it would put us out of our misery."
Ceren blinked, her mind momentarily struggling to grasp Kylie's dark words. "Wait, like, are you serious-serious?" She tilted her head, her expression a mix of confusion and innocence, as if the gravity of Kylie's suggestion hadn't fully registered. "I mean, like, I get that things totally suck right now, but, like, I don't know if I want to leave this world at the hands of a sicko." She fidgeted with her hair, twirling a strand absentmindedly as she continued, "plus what if he takes our phones and no one ever finds out those selfies?"
"id recommend continuing not to look at it, it's just people bickering or spiralling. i've been trying not to pay too much attention myself." he sighed although he knew he was going to have to keep looking at the chat to see if freddie was spiralling again. even though it wasn't the most convenient timing to have to take care of someone else, it was helping keep elias from having a break down and for that he was thankful. "yeah, thanks. that'd be great if you're sure."
Unfazed by the description of the group chat, she contemplated how, had she delved a bit deeper out of curiosity, she might have found herself acting the same way. "Can you really blame them?" she asked, mindful that experiencing two substantial losses within days should have left her reeling. Yet, here she was, surprisingly composed. "A distraction would be nice," she admitted, pushing herself up from the bed. "Even if it's in your company," she quipped lightly, the hint of a chuckle barely masking the weight of recent events.
"Well I would think that I would be able to like haunt people you know? So in my ghost for I could take a break to hang out with you for an hour or two before I return to haunting people like Aiden and Nate." The blonde joked as she nudged her friend playfully. "Aiden gets haunted because of obvious reasons and then Nate because he deserves it for being an ass. I'm sure i could come up with a few others too." She sat back and made herself comfortable as she listened to Ceren speak and nodded her head. "You would think so right? If I'm not posting then there's an issue. I told my followers I would be gone until Sunday so where are the police?"
Ceren's face lights up with warmth as she regards her friend, a hand sweeping dramatically to her heart. "I'm genuinely delighted that ghost Kylie still finds time for her best friend," she expresses with a chuckle, the affection evident in her tone. "Otherwise, I might have resorted to summoning you through a medium," she quips, though a hint of playful indignation dances in her eyes. "The thought of you haunting only Nate and Aiden is so offensive," she adds, her smile faltering momentarily at the mention of Aiden. "But then again, Nate probably tops the 'who to haunt' list for many," she muses, a soft chuckle escaping her lips. "Did you have any posts scheduled? Because if you did, we might just be completely lost."
Oli listened intently as Ceren shared her innermost thoughts, a sense of empathy washing over him. He understood all too well the burden of holding onto hope in the face of harsh realities. As she spoke of her doubts and desires, Oli couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness for her pain. "I hear you, Ceren," Oli responded softly, his voice laced with understanding. "Sometimes, the truth is a heavy burden to bear, especially when it shatters the illusions we cling to for comfort." He reached out, offering her a reassuring squeeze of the hand. "It pains me knowing that my family are out there right now thinking he's okay and that he'll be walking through the door eventually.. but he's not."
If she had ever envisioned her next exchange with Oli, she certainly wouldn't have predicted it would be about Aaron's untimely demise; the idea would have seemed ludicrous, surreal even. Yet, as they sat there, enveloped in the weight of grief, she couldn't help but yearn for a different circumstance for their conversation. "I can't quite believe it yet. I'm sorry you were the one to find him," she murmurs, her words laced with a tinge of anxiety at the thought of reopening his wounds. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to bring that back," she quickly adds, her head shaking in regret. His hand squeezing hers offers a small measure of comfort, one she desperately craves. Acting on impulse, she reaches out to grasp his hand once more. "It's frustrating that even though he's no longer with us, we're can't even do something else for him, like informing his family," she laments, her voice trembling as tears threaten to spill over, prompting her to hastily wipe them away with her free hand. "I know it's not my place to say, but Aaron always talked highly of you, Oli."
He wouldn't say it out loud but he didn't want the hug to end. Ceren's arms wrapped around him gave Kai some sort of comfort. Strange, as he offered the hug to her for that same purpose, he just didn't expect the comforted one would be him. Chuckling he let her slip away from his reach, trying to give her his best smile. "That might not be the best joke to make right now," he said, yet he didn't mind it, he knew she was doing her best.
"Me? I am alright. I could be better on my way home, but one can't always have it all." He massaged his temples with his fingertips, Cece's words made him realize he had in fact a growing headache, but he kept it to himself. "Honestly, I am worried, I do not know if we will be able to sleep at all. I still think it's ridiculous to stay in the house instead of going out to find help."
Ceren found herself effortlessly mirroring his smile, a rare moment where the facade of emotion didn't feel like a burden. "You know," she murmured, the smile fading as a sigh escaped her lips, "it's just so hard to wrap my head around all of this."
A soft chuckle escaped her lips at his comment, briefly lifting the weight of her grief. "I'm surprised no one has tried to find us," she mused, a pang of guilt tugging at her for the momentary lapse in sorrow. "Kylie's right, isn't she? It's strange that no one has noticed our absence online for over 24 hours." With a nod of understanding, she couldn't help but wonder if sleep would evade her as well tonight. "Well, here we are, stranded in the middle of nowhere. None of us are exactly Bear Grylls, are we? Though I suppose everyone's holding onto the hope that rescue will come soon."
closed starter | @cerenkocabas
"i swear i'm not coming up to you to argue with you, now isn't really the time for all of that anyway." he sighs, approaching with his hands up as a sign of peace. "i just wanted to ask if you've seen freddie around anywhere. i don't know if you've seen the group chat but i think he's losing it."
As she raises her gaze, there's an uncharacteristic absence of the reflexive eye roll that typically accompanies Elias's presence. His unexpected comment catches her off guard, momentarily lifting the weight of anticipated conflict. Mentally drained, Ceren feels a numbness that even Elias's presence fails to stir. "I haven't checked the group," she admits, her eyes darting towards her phone resting on the table across the room. "He's not here," she adds, briefly entertaining the idea of surrendering to sleep to escape her worries But instead, she pushes the impulse aside, extending an offer, "Do you need help finding him?"
worry thrums beneath her skin when her eyes land on the other, though her features remain shuttered. while she's always been an emotional one, danbi quickly learned that wearing things on her sleeve did more harm than good. it's a habit that's difficult to break after years of practise, even in front of someone she considered to be a loved one. ❝ hun... ❞ disregarding her friend's personal space, she soon wraps her into a hug. ❝ why are you asking about me when you're one of the two most affected? ❞ it saddens her, of course, but death doesn't touch her the way it normally does for others either. regardless of whether she has a connection to the one lost.
ceren's next words earn a morbid chuckle as she finally pulls away. ❝ i wouldn't say all that. i'd never once thought one of our friends were capable of doing something like this and yet... ❞ because it had to be one of them, right? if someone were in the forest, there'd be evidence of it, but in all of the time she's spent outside this weekend, she hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary whispering in the trees. ❝ but i won't bother you with my thoughts. ❞ her eyes drop to the spoon before roaming ceren's puffy eyes, ❝ definitely not when you're still hurting. ❞
She embraces her tightly, a surge of warmth flooding her senses as she realizes just how much she craved this simple act of affection. For a brief moment, her friend's question leaves her at a loss for words. Perhaps it's easier for her to offer solace to others than to confront her own pain, even though she's still grappling with denial. "Because you matter to me," she responds, sincerity lacing her words, though she's still navigating how to talk about Aaron, especially in the past tense.
Her reply sparks a cascade of thoughts she hadn't previously entertained. Now that the notion had taken root, she couldn't help but entertain the possibility that someone within their circle could be responsible for Aaron's murder. "What do you mean, one of our friends?" she queries, struggling to reconcile the idea that one of them could be capable of such an act. The fleeting dread that she herself might be viewed as a suspect sends a chill down her spine; after all, she could list several potential motives. Shaking off the unsettling thought, she presses onward. "I'm okay, Dani," she asserts, though the truth contradicts her words. "But I need to know who's behind this, and if you have any theories, I want to hear them."
Oli couldn't help but feel a surge of emotion as he observed her hesitation, the delicate balance between staying and leaving playing out on her face. Her decision to settle beside him, despite the uncertainty, warmed his heart. When she spoke, her words carried a weight he hadn't anticipated, her vulnerability echoing his own struggles. As she confessed her true feelings, Oli felt a pang of empathy. It was a sentiment he knew all too well, the facade of "I'm fine" crumbling under the weight of unspoken turmoil. Her concern for him touched him deeply, reminding him that he wasn't alone in facing challenges.
Meeting her gaze with gratitude, Oli took a moment to process her words before responding. "Thanks for your honesty," he began, his voice soft but sincere. "I'm struggling.. I'm just trying to keep going and it's hard.." He offered a faint smile, appreciating her gesture of support. With her hand resting gently on his shoulder, Oli felt a sense of comfort wash over him.
She hesitated, questioning her choice of confidant. It wasn't a matter of Oli's worthiness to receive her honesty; rather, it was due to the complexity of the situation. Yet, in his presence, serenity seemed to emanate effortlessly, making it natural for her to open up. And there was solace in the knowledge that he understood her pain too.
Ceren responded with a faint smile, her agreement conveyed through a nod. Despite the common adage that time heals all wounds, she couldn't shake the sense that the turmoil raging within her might never stop. "I doubt it'll ever become easier," she confessed, her tone heavy with the weight of her thoughts. "To be frank, I'm not even bothered by our lack of communication with the outside world," she admitted, her gaze briefly meeting his. "There are still people out there who believe he's alive, oblivious to the truth. Sometimes, I wish I could erase what I know and cling to the hope that he's out there, living his life."
Kylie was sat on her bed, phone in hand as she continously refreshed her instagram feed thinking somehow it would miraciously load for her and life would immediately be better. Dropping the phone on her lap in frustration she let out a grunt before looking over to the direction in where she heard the familair voice, a small smile on her lips as she shuffled over to make some room for the girl to join her. "Sorry, you probably just missed me coming back into the house or something. I was out round the back getting some air and hoping a tree fell on me at the same time so I could be put out of my misery." She had a flare for dramatics some might say. "Not a shred of luck here, nope. You'd think the fact none of us are posting anywhere people would have become worried already but I guess not."
Her face lights up with a smile as soon as she spots Kylie, wasting no time in joining her on the bed. Though she lets out a chuckle, finding humor in the situation feels strained given her current emotional state. "Don't joke like that," she says, playfully nudging her friend. "What would I do without you? I'd probably have to figure out a way to join you in the afterlife." She pulls Kylie into a quick hug. "Seriously, though, people must be starting to worry about you. You not posting every hour is practically a distress signal." She couldn't shake the worry about her own unanswered texts from her parents. "But hey, that's why I'm optimistic about getting out of here soon. Someone's bound to realize we're missing, right?"
elias wasn't quite stupid enough to go for walks alone when there was a potential killer on the loose, but he did every now and then need fresh air and a moment alone. he noticed her presence straight away but didn't speak, hoping she would simply go away.
"you only just got here, i highly doubt you were about to leave." he scoffs, turning towards ceren for the first time. "do you hate my presence that much that you can't stand to be in it for more than five minutes? i'm almost flattered."
"Oh well, I didn't know you suddenly acquired the power to read minds," Ceren retorted, her tone laced with sarcasm as she defensively blamed her current emotional state for her sharp words. The tension between them had become a familiar undercurrent, stubbornly persistent even in the face of tragedy.
"Please, Elias," she began, rolling her eyes with exaggerated impatience. "Hate is a strong word, and also a very strong feeling. And for that to happen I would have to care even a slightly about you, which I don't. So, no, I'm not bothered by your presence," she finished, though the lie tasted bitter on her tongue, for she was indeed bothered by his proximity. "I just thought you would rather be alone."
@cerenkocabas
" sweet j... you frightened me. " her hand grabbed her chest, catching her breath for a moment. current events had her on edge to say the least, fearsome of her past catching up with her. while aaron's dead hadn't been ruled as a murder yet, every sign led in that direction. " i thought i was alone, i didn't expect anyone to come in. " it wasn't a wise decision to be alone at this moment, yet it was all she could do to feel more at ease. " how are you ceren ?? "
Ceren's heart leaped in sync with her sudden jump, a testament to the frazzled state of her nerves. Every little disturbance seemed to send her senses into overdrive. "I'm truly sorry," she murmured, offering a rueful smile tinged with apology. "I need to be more mindful, especially with everyone feeling so tense." As she considered the question, she allowed herself a moment of introspection. For once, she decided to let down her guard, if only slightly. "To be honest," she admitted, her voice betraying a hint of vulnerability, "I've been better." Though she tried to downplay her emotions, there was an honesty in her admission that she couldn't quite mask.
As he expected, she was broken. Kai thought that she was the one who had the best reason to be heartbroken, even if he had never lost someone close to his heart, he could imagine the pain of losing someone for real, with no return. He felt a knot in his throat, it hadn't happened to him before, but seeing Ceren like that awoke a sadness he didn't expect.
Kai shortened their distance and walked up to her, arms open for her to find a shoulder to cry on. His arms wrapped around her softly at first, but his embrace became tighter as he spoke, "I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case, Cece. It does sound like something he would do." It was nice to believe such a thing would happen, and Kai didn't want to ruin it for her. "Let's give our best and be okay, I'm sure that's what he would have wanted. I am here, so you are safe."
From Kai, the hug arrived without surprise, yet it unleashed a whirlwind of emotions Ceren had been keeping at bay since the news had hit her. She felt a mixture of relief and discomfort as tears spilled down her cheeks. She knew she shouldn't despise her own vulnerability, yet the act of crying in front of others, even if it was a common occurrence for her, filled her with a sense of unease. But this time was different. This time, it was grief— an emotion she wasn't entirely acquainted with, and the sheer force of it left her stunned.
In the midst of her turmoil, she managed to summon a weak chuckle at the absurd idea of Aaron playing a cruel prank on them. "If he did that, I might just have to really kill him," she joked, her lips curling into a fragile smile. With a deep breath, she took a step back, briefly clasping Kai's hand before letting it slip away. "Thanks for being here," she murmured, her voice tinged with gratitude. "How are you?" She also felt the need to check on Kai amidst her own emotional tumult.
