It had come out wrong, it had come out SO wrong. Or maybe Clay had just taken it wrong. He did that. Jumped to conclusions, dug too far beneath the surface of a few words. But then, they were probably both to blame. Maybe Tony wasn’t taking his friend’s words seriously enough. That was the hard part, though. Trying to find that balance between cheering up and tearing down, and these days, there didn’t seem to be much balance to be found.
Tony was completely silence, letting Clay get out what he felt he needed to get out. He always was. Listening was Tony Padilla’s strongpoint, and maybe that was exactly why Clay was so GOOD at just letting it all out. It led to some harsh words sometimes, but Tony could take them. He had to, for Clay’s sake.
“You know that’s not what I meant, Clay,” he finally told him after silence began to stretch between the pair of them. Tony’s words were quiet. Slow. As though he wanted to make sure Clay was really hearing him. “But hey. You caught me,” he added with a faint but wry smile, the kind that was gone a second later and replaced with something more serious and more genuine. “I wanted to make sure you’re okay. It’s not about Hannah. It’s not about the tapes, it’s about YOU.”
maybe he had OVERREACTED - - - he seemed to be doing a lot of that these days , everything triggering a larger reaction that needed . he was so ON EDGE most days , barely holding it together the more he listened to what hannah had to say , the more he learned about what had happened to her . . . and most of all ? the more anxious he became with the whole NOT KNOWING thing . WHY WAS HE ON THESE TAPES ? why couldn’t tony tell him ANYTHING other than to listen to them ?
❝ YEAH . . . yeah , i know . i’m sorry . ❞ a breath parts from him , as if he had just let a load off of his chest , and he gives tony a motion of his head that could maybe pass for a nod if he were paying attention . ❝ i’m fine , tony . GREAT , actually . you know , i’ve only been listening to hannah’s voice for the past few days and learning how BIG of an asshole everyone really is in this town . ❞ the tone he chooses lacks more emotion than it is sarcastic , the exhaustion and frustration clear if tony’s listening , which he’s sure he is .
THAT’S PROBABLY THE ONLY THING TONY’S BEEN GOOD AT RECENTLY.
❝ i’m just. . . why do i have to listen to these , huh ? ❞ eyes lift to meet with tony’s and he shakes the Walkman gently , lips pulled downward . ❝ i don’t - - - i don’t understand why i’m even on these things . i . . . cared about her , i didn’t do anything half as bad as justin , or . . . or marcus , or tyler . ❞
