Desire
Desire: Companion piece to Hey Jealousy and Love Me Anyway. Inspired by “Desire” by Ryan Adams
Two hearts fading, like a flower And all this waiting, for the power For some answer, to this fire Sinking slowly, the waters higher Mmm, Desire Desire
So much had changed. Adam was back. Adam was sober. And she was happy. Belle was excited about the future for the first time in nearly six years. They had agreed that for the first three months of their newly reformed relationship they would not spend the night together. When they said goodnight at the end of their night they would go to their respective homes. Even Dr. Porter, their therapist, agreed that making intimacy boundaries would be in their best interests. She recommended that they treat their new relationship as if they were back in the Regency period. Belle giggled at the thought of dating at their age with a chaperone. Lumiere was more than happy to act in that role.
“Pop, you don’t have to sit directly behind us like we’re sixteen,” Adam said when they went to a movie. “You can sit a few rows back.”
Another time they were snuggled on the sofa watching TV and Cogsworth tapped Adam on the head with a flyswatter. “Break it up. Leave room for Jesus.”
Their antics annoyed Adam, but to Belle it was sweet. It also made her sad to know that her own father wasn’t there to give them grief. Maurice hadn’t always liked Adam but he did believe that the boy would one day get his head on straight. It took some time but it seemed like he had finally gotten his shit together. Maurice would be so proud of him.
Belle decided that morning that tonight was the night. Three months had passed since he came back into her life. Three months of twice a week sessions with Dr. Porter, one with Adam and one without. With Dr. Porter's help, she was able to let go of some of the deeply ingrained anger she felt towards Adam. She loved him. That was an undeniable fact. But letting him back in all the way didn't come as naturally as it had the first time. He'd left scars behind, and as much as she wanted to pretend they weren't there, she had to work through them before opening the door again. Talking with Dr. Porter had been so healing. She was ready.
There was a giddy excitement about tonight, and she had a few things to do to get ready for it.
Her first stop was to the mall. She stood in front of the small lingerie shop. Belle wore modest and practical undergarments most of the time. Nothing too flashy or fancy. The only person she wanted to see her in her skivvies hadn’t been a factor for years. Now he was back. Now she needed something that was so unlike her it would make his heart stop. Swallowing hard and taking a deep breath she stepped inside.
Unlike Victoria’s Secret and the other “trashy” lingerie shops Belle was familiar with, Madame Garderobe’s shop was filled with soft colors and vanilla. Belle browsed the racks unsure of where to start. An older woman stepped out from behind the curtain and smiled at her new customer.
“Ah cherie, welcome,” she said. “How can I help?”
“Well, um, it’s my—it’s a long story,” Belle stammered. “It’s the first time my boyfriend and I are going to be together after a long separation.”
The older woman looked Belle up and down. “I see. And what look are we going for? Seductive temptress? No. Smoldering sin? No that’s not right either.” She fussed around a display and came back with several items that Belle couldn’t name or figure out how they went on.
“Since this is your first time in a long time,” she said, a delightful French accent giving her voice a delightful air of sophistication. “He must work for his prize. Come, come.”
Without a second to process what was happening, Madame had Belle in the large dressing room. “We want to mimic the first time he saw you in this way,” Madame said, helping Belle out of her dress.
“It was a perfect moment in time,” Belle said. “Adam, he was my first. My only.”
With no secrets, no obsession This time I'm speeding, with no direction Without a reason, what is this fire? Burning slowly, my one and only Mmm, Desire Desire Desire Desire
They had been dating exclusively for nearly three months. Signs for the spring formal had been popping up for the last week. Parties and school dances had never been something on Belle’s radar. But now that she was with Adam, she thought it might not be so bad. She didn’t want to come straight out and tell him she wanted them to go to the dance. She wanted him to figure it out on his own.
It took a bit. Subtle hints from his dads. Walking past signs in the hallway she made casual conversation about the dance. About two weeks before the dance was to happen, it finally clicked.
“Hey Pop?” Adam asked Lumiere. “What’s the best way to ask Belle to the spring formal?”
“Looks like Hatter wins the pool,” Cogsworth laughed from behind his newspaper. “We have been nudging you to ask Belle for weeks.”
“Am I too late?” Adam asked.
“No, but you need to ask her soon,” Lumiere said. Then he brought Adam under his arm and whispered, “Here’s what you’re going to do.”
Adam met Belle outside the library where she spent most of her morning before classes started. He had cut six roses from Cogsworth’s garden and made them into a small bouquet with Lumiere’s help. Two red, two pink and two yellow wrapped in green florist tape and accented with a yellow ribbon.
“What are these for?” Belle asked, putting them to her nose.
“Because I’m an idiot,” he said, taking her hand. “Belle, would you do me the great honor of allowing me to escort you to the spring formal?”
Belle smiled and burst into giggles at his formal request. “It would be my pleasure, sir.”
Most girls at their school had been planning their spring formal looks since Christmas. So there wasn’t a lot to choose from at the various dress shops in town. She drove to the next town over and in a small bridal shop she found her dress. It was made of soft yellow gold silk. The bodice had a deep plunge, the modesty protected by a lace of off yellow that sat off the shoulders and down to elbow length sleeves. The skirt was full and had two layers; one to form a base and the other flounced and fluttered when she spun. A belt of hand embroidered flowers sat at her waist. It was far too grand a dress for a high school formal. But Belle loved it. It fit perfectly and wasn’t out of her price range.
The dance was held at the local country club, where several of the upper class students’ families held memberships. For an extra fee, students could arrive early to the dance and enjoy a sit down dinner and dessert before the party got started. Never a fan of fancy food like what would be served, Belle and Adam chose to eat at a local place they loved. It was owned by a friend of Hatter’s who only hired people who needed a fresh start in their lives. It wasn’t a fancy place but it was theirs.
“You look absolutely stunning,” Adam said, kissing Belle’s hand. “I’m so glad I can call you mine.”
Belle shyly smiled and looked away. No one had ever called her stunning before. People said she was very pretty, beautiful even. Before she and her father had moved to Molyneaux she had been approached by several people claiming to be talent agents and wanted to sign her to modeling contracts. She never took them up on them because one, they were likely scams and two she couldn’t bear to be away from her father.
Because of Adam’s issues, as his dads called it, they didn’t like him driving. It had taken a great deal of convincing, promising, and reassurance from Adam that he would never endanger Belle like that. For Adam, Belle meant more to him than his addiction. Cogsworth trusted his son to behave himself for the night, and allowed Adam to drive to the dance. Producing all the gentlemanly qualities that Belle’s literary romantic heroes possessed, Adam offered his arm to her when they stood up from the table. When she shivered slightly stepping out into the night air, he shrugged out of his coat and draped it over her shoulders. He opened the car door for her, assisted in making sure all of her dress was free of the door before closing it.
The Spring Formal was already in full swing by the time Adam and Belle arrived. The ballroom of the country club was decked out in blue and golds, the school colors, tables surrounded the dance floor centerpieces of yellow and white roses. The lights were low and the live band made it seem all the more magical. Adam and Belle claimed spots at a table and made their way around the room to take in everything. The Spring Formal was the last big event for the seniors before graduation. Teachers guarded the punch bowl like it was holy water. Given his reputation, Adam never went up to the bowl alone. Not that he would spike the punch. He may be an alcoholic, that didn’t mean he wanted to ruin the night for everyone else. That didn’t stop people from coming up to him asking if he brought anything.
A slow song began and Adam took Belle’s hand and they took a spot on the dance floor. Having gay dads, one who was literally a cabaret owner and professional ballroom dancer at one point in his life, Adam had learned to dance and dance well. While he was content to just stand with Belle in his arms, her head on his chest as the rose in her hair tickling his nose, he did have some moves.
Belle, a lover of old movies, was more than willing to try something more than their peers were doing. Sweeping her across the floor, careful to not collide with other members of their class, they danced. He loved the way she felt in his arms. He didn’t know when he fell in love with her but he knew he had. He loved her.
Belle kept waiting to hear her alarm go off. That this night with Adam was nothing more than a wonderful dream. He held her close to him, not wanting to let her go. He was so sure of himself, so unlike him. Adam was dear and unsure of himself most of the time. She knew what a struggle it was for him to maintain his sobriety. As they got annoyed with bumping into people, he held her close. She rested her head on his chest, easy to do as he was so tall and broad. How right this all felt.
They retreated back to their table for water and to just be with each other. Belle had never been one to venture out for school activities. She was studious and serious. Adam was her first serious relationship. She loved being with him. She knew he had a past, who didn’t. But his past was darker than any she had known. They spent hours cuddled together just talking. Adam loved having someone to talk to that wasn’t at a meeting, a therapist, his sponsor Hatter or his dads. Belle was so kind and gentle while she listened to the horror stories he had in his life. Her life was a walk in the clouds compared to his.
“Do you want to get out of here?” Adam asked, taking her hands. “I know you’d rather it just be us. We can go to the park or back to my house. The dads are at some function. We’d have the place to ourselves.”
“I’d like that,” Belle said, smiling. “Let me freshen up and I’ll be right back. Then we can go.”
Adam sat at their table watching the others when Gaston slid into the seat next to him, taking a silver flask out of his jacket pocket.
“You look like you could use a pick me up, buddy,” Gaston said, holding out the flask. “Can’t be easy with that stuck up bitch.”
“Belle’s not a bitch,” Adam said. “Don’t call her that.”
“Touchy,” Gaston laughed, taking a drink on his own. “It’s Stoli.”
“Not tonight,” Adam said watching for Belle.
“Don’t tell me you’ve gone dry again. Man, that bitch has her claws in deep.”
“I’m not going to tell you again, Gaston. Don’t talk about her like that. Belle is my girlfriend now and I won’t sit by and listen to you call her names.”
“There was a time when you were calling her all sorts of things. Talking about how you’d do it once you got her where you wanted her.” Gaston was baiting Adam now. He knew how his former friend ticked. It wouldn’t take long. “You were quite vivid.”
“That was before,” Adam said. He knew what Gaston was doing. He wouldn’t fall into it. “Belle’s different. She’s not like the other sluts we used to fuck.”
“You certainly have taken your time with this one. By now you’d have loved and left them. What are you waiting for?”
“Don’t you ever get tired of the sound of your own voice?”
“Come on man,” Gaston continued to prod. “What’s the scam?”
“There’s no scam, you dick.”
“With you, there’s always a scam. Seriously, though. You have fucked her right? A girl like that must be a nasty little freak between the sheets.” Gaston looked up and saw the golden goddess walking towards Adam.
“Oh totally,” Adam said, his voice deadpan, thick with sarcasm. “You should hear how she screams my name with every thrust. Can’t wait to hear it tonight.”
Gaston’s face fell and he started to hold back a laugh. “What is so goddamn…?” Fuck. “She’s standing right behind me?”
“This is going down as one of your best fuck ups,” Gaston exploded in laughter. Too bad there weren't more people around to hear it.
“The only thing you’ll be hearing tonight, Adam Benson is the sound of your right hand arguing with your left!” she cried, tears streaming down her face. She had never been so humiliated by anyone like that in her life. Lifting the hem of her gown she started to run, sort of, out of the ballroom.
“You asshole,” Adam scowled at his former friend. “Belle! Belle, wait!” He ran after her and caught up with her in the corridor between the ballroom and foyer. He took her elbow trying to get her to stop. “Belle, please. That wasn’t what it sounded like.”
“Don’t touch me!” she yanked her arm back, wrapping herself in a hug. “How dare you talk about me like that? What is wrong with you?”
“Belle, please. He was being an ass. I only said that to shut him up,” he stood in front of her and ran his fingers through his hair. “I didn’t mean a word of that.”
“Certainly sounded like you meant it!”
“Belle, baby, no. I can still feel the sting of the slap you rewarded me with when I got fresh.” He needed to close the gap between them. Make this right. “I would never treat you like that. You mean more to me than anything. I...I love you.”
Wiping the tears from her face. What did he just say? “You love me?”
“This wasn’t the way I planned on saying it,” Adam said, reaching for her hand. “But yes, Belle. I love you.”
The sincerity in his voice, the hope in his eyes. He really means it. He loves me. Unsure of her own feelings, she stepped closer and pressed her lips to his. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him, and she felt like she was home.
“Come on, let’s get out of here,” he whispered in her ear.
He kept his arm around her waist as they walked out to the car. This wasn’t how he wanted their night to go. Why had he let Gaston get his goat like that?
“Do you want me to take you home?” he asked once they were in the car.
Belle looked out the window before answering. “No. I’m sorry I overreacted. I know you. You and Gaston used to be friends, he was trying to get to you and chose me as bait.”
He took her hand in his and pressed a kiss to the back of it. “Gaston’s an idiot. I’m just sorry you got dragged into it.”
Belle held his hand the entire drive from the country club. Is that what Adam is expecting tonight? “Adam?”
“What is it?” he answered.
“What do you expect to happen tonight? Once we reach your house?”
“Nothing that you don’t want,” Adam answered. “I love you, Belle. I would never do anything that you don’t explicitly ask for. It’s not how I roll.”
Belle wasn’t convinced. He seemed all too at ease talking the way he had with Gaston. But then her mind went to his actions. He never put his hands on her unless he asked first and she agreed. They had their boundaries and he never crossed them. She could trust him with this. She couldn’t always trust other choices he would make but being intimate with her, it felt right.
Cogsworth and Lumiere were still out when they got back to his house. He parked the car in its spot and helped Belle out of the car, making sure not to step on her dress. They came into the sitting room, as Cogsworth called it. Adam took off his suit jacket and laid it across the top of the antique Queen Anne chair. He squatted down in front of the fireplace and flipped the switch that ignited the flames, adjusting them so they were just right. With nothing more than the firelight to cast a glow on Belle in her golden gown, Adam felt his breath hitch at the sight.
“You are so beautiful,” he whispered. “I still can’t believe you’re mine.”
There was a time when being called “mine” by a boy would have sent a shiver down Belle’s spine. She wasn’t raised to believe all she was worth was to belong to some man. With Adam, the way he claimed her as his, made her feel safe, protected. She could take care of herself and she could trust he’d know just when to step in.
You know me, you know my way You just can't show me, but God I'm praying That you'll find me, and that you'll see me That you'll run and never tire
She laid on the chaise lounge looking so much like the cover of a cheesy romance novel. He sat on the edge like a knight in shining armor and bent over her. “A kiss for you, milady?”
“But of course,” she smiled, playing along. She lifted her head to meet his kiss. She cupped his cheeks in her hands and deepened the kiss. Pulling him down on top of her, drinking him in. Wrapping him in her arms, they closed the gap between them. Adam rested on his elbows on either side of her, his body covering hers.
He pulled the rose from her hair when it poked him in the eye. He then disentagled the headband from her perfectly curled hair. He drew his hands down her arms, the lace tickling his palms.
“Help me out of this dress,” Belle said, breathlessly. “I want you, Adam.”
He didn’t need to be told twice. He lifted her up into his arms and with a practiced ease he found the zipper of her dress and gently pulled it down. Kissing down her neck and collarbone he eased her arms out of the sleeves. They stood together and he gathered the layers of the skirt in his hands and eased it over her head to not mess up her hair too much. He laid the gown over the Queen Anne chair so it wouldn’t wrinkle.
Belle shivered, standing in front of Adam in nothing more than a long line bra, panties and her shoes. Shyly she used her arms to cover herself, stepping out of her heels and pushing them away. “Would it help, if I took off some layers too, ma cherie?”
“Immensely,” Belle answered, licking her lips. She stepped closer to him, her fingers undoing each button of his vest and then to his shirt. Each muscle of his chest stood out. Running her hands over him, she couldn’t believe he was real. Pushing his shirt off his shoulders she pressed kisses to his chest. She loved the feel of him under her fingers and the shivers he gave when she kissed him. She traced her fingers over his stomach and down to the distinct V of his hips. Her hands settled on his belt and paused.
“Baby, we don’t have to do this,” he whispered into her hair. “You can wear my shirt and we can just lie together.”
She silenced him with another kiss, undid his belt and opened his pants. “I want all of you Adam Benson.”
Their touches ignited a passion in them that has only simmered and licked at them before. He shrugged out of his shirt and vest letting them hit the floor. Then he gathered Belle into his arms, holding her close as their mouths explored each other. She drew back and moved his hands, placing them on her chest. “Touch me.”
It took some fiddling but he managed to unhook her bra and let it slip off into the pile of clothing on the floor of the sitting room. Guiding her back to the chaise lounge, he laid her down and covered her with his body, shielding her from the world. Her knees instinctively parted for him. He still had too much on. She pushed at the top of his pants. She needed him to be as bare as she was. His pants and the simple, plain black boxers came down with them, freeing his growing hardness.
He’d been with other girls before but none filled him with such passion as Belle did. The others had sparked a lust that burned out as soon as they had finished. Belle had a beauty to her that shone through. The golden gown had only enhanced that in her. But bare beneath him, her gasps of pleasure as he touched her, only intensified the feeling.
“Are you sure?” he asked, his hands on her hips. “Belle?”
“Make love to me Adam,” she whispered, guiding his hands to remove the last article of clothing she had on. “Love me.”
He slipped the underwear off. His hand traced her folds, how he loved her. Belle spread her legs more, to allow Adam to explore her at his leisure. She let a soft moan escape her lips as his fingers traced the soft skin of her most secret place. He knew he was going to be her first and he would take it nice and slow for her. Kissing her and slowly inserting a single digit inside her, he captured her small gasp with a kiss.
“Are you okay?” he asked, looking deep into her eyes. “Do you want me to stop?”
She stared up at him. “I’m okay,” her small voice said.
He played with her center for a time, loving how she clung to him, her pants and moans driving him to near madness. But it wasn’t about him. It was about her and making her feel like she was the most important person in his life, because she was.
She kissed him, his hand between her thighs bringing her to a place she had never imagined going. Her mind swam with emotion and desire. She raised her hips to meet his hand. She could happily live like this for the rest of her life. Her vision went white and she cried out with a shake and shiver she’d never been able to reach on her own.
“Oh Belle,” his voice reached her ear as she came back down. “Was that for me?”
She took a moment to recover, breathing heavily as the wave of sexual energy left her. She kissed him hard, stroking his cheek. “That was -- fantastic.”
“Are you ready for more?” Adam asked, adjusting himself over her. “We don’t have to.”
“I want to,” Belle said, her hands on his hips. “I want you.”
He entered her slowly, listening to every sound she made. He was slow and gentle, tracing the curve of her face as she stared into his eyes. Gathering her into his arms he sat back and held her in his lap as he moved inside her. It didn’t take long after the change for his face to contort as the need to release overtook him. Holding her tight to him, he came inside her. They laid together in bliss for a moment. She was the first to move. She gathered up his shirt and pulled it around herself. She padded through the house to the bathroom. Adam put his boxers back on and found a blanket for them. He laid back on the chaise lounge waiting for her to come back to him.
She splashed water on her face after cleaning herself up. The trace amount of makeup she wore washed away with the post-coital sweat. She took the rest of her hair down, letting it fall around her shoulders. His shirt, smelling so deeply of him, was three times her size. She came back into the living room and they laid together, covered in the blanket, the firelight dancing on the walls. Their breathing evened out, matching the other and they slowly fell into a rapturous sleep. And that’s how Cogsworth and Lumiere found them when they came home.
Snapping back to the present, the words of Madame brought Belle's attention to that matter at hand.
“We’ll just have to find you something as fantastic as that gown,” Madame said after Belle showed her the gown from the Spring Formal. “Gold is such a perfect color for you.”
They settled on a white satin and lace overbust corset that Madame laced for her that all Belle had to do was use the hooks in the front to put it on. A matching set of garter belt and panties, silk stockings and a gold silk robe from the 1940’s.
“When he sees this, the past will be the past,” Madame Garderobe said, boxing everything up in tissue paper.
Mmm, Desire Desire Desire Desire
