☾

“mortal body , timeless soul”

[vink-charles]

I feel like my life is a book,

But I am not the main character.

I am your side character,

Doomed to be 2nd place.

I wish I was the focus,

Not the plot-filler.

Not the one that dies for drama.

Not the one hating themself.

Not me.

[walrustrain]

I’m really scared of being replaced. I fear it right down to my core. The feeling of being replaced is almost tangible. Every. Single. Day. With anyone and everyone, it always just feels like a matter of time before I’m replaced. The feeling is just there all the time. I’ve become almost numb to it. But very deep down, I’m terrified.

[lovely-abeille-deactivated20241]

can you do a webweave on love not being enough

? // romance, catherine breillat // in the desert, stephen crane // infinite jest, david foster wallace // the unabridged journals, sylvia plath // the triumph of achilles, louise glück //

[letterstoyourlove]

[secondbodies]

"I am being joyful in this very instant because I refuse to be defeated: so I love. As an answer. Impersonal love, it love, is love: even the love that doesn't work out, even the love that ends."

Água Viva, by Clarice Lispector

[perfectquote]

“But that’s the thing about letting someone open you up and play with your heart … they never sew you back up afterwards.”

— Ranata Suzuki

[yousaveeveryonebutwhosavesyou]

How to Talk to Someone Who is Struggling⁣

It can be tough to talk to someone who is struggling with their mental health. We want our friends and family to feel comfortable reaching out to us, but most people aren’t actually sure how to react when that happens. I’ve heard a lot of people express fears that they might say the wrong thing or even make the situation worse. And that’s valid. It took a lot of training for me to learn how to talk to suicidal and depressed people, and they just don’t teach those skills in regular school. But having those skills can save lives. ⁣

So if you’ve got a struggling person in your life and you’re not sure how to talk to them, remember:⁣

Don’t be afraid of using the word ‘suicide’. It’s a harsh word, and a lot of people are scared that talking about it directly might push someone to do it. It won’t. Suicidal people are thinking about suicide in explicit terms all the time; hearing the word out loud isn’t any worse than the things they’ve already been thinking. Using euphemisms and beating around the bush just makes it hard to have an honest conversation. Be direct. Say exactly what you mean. Ask your loved ones if they are thinking about killing themselves. Say the word suicide. It’s hard, but it’s important.⁣

Don’t make the conversation all about you. It is really, really tempting to jump in and tell a struggling person all about your own struggles with mental health in order to empathize with them. Don’t do it. Not right away. You might mean well, but when you launch into your own mental health struggles, you are suddenly putting the other person in a position where they have to comfort and empathize with you, when it should be the other way around. They don’t have the energy for that right now. Let them talk about themselves first. ⁣

Don’t have an intense emotional reaction to what they’re saying. This is really, really hard, but it’s important. When someone is telling you about their self-harm or suicidal thoughts, try to keep your face and your voice as neutral as possible. Offer empathy in a calm, comforting way, and avoid crying in their presence if you can. They are watching you closely to see what’s okay and what’s not okay to disclose; if they see you getting upset at what they’re saying, they won’t want to talk about it anymore. And once again, it puts them in a position where they have to stop and comfort you. ⁣

Don’t say “I know exactly how you feel”. Because you don’t. And hearing statements like this, even if they’re well-meaning, can come across as dismissive or patronizing. Even if you’ve been in a very similar situation, you can’t really know what it feels like to be someone else, or feel the pain they feel. Instead of saying “I know what you’re going through”, validate their pain and say “I can’t imagine what you’re going through” - because you can’t. ⁣

Don’t ask “why” questions. Asking questions that start with “why” automatically puts people on the defensive. When you ask “why do you feel that way”, it makes people feel like they have to justify themselves to you. Instead, ask “what are some of the reasons you feel that way?” This is a much more non-judgmental way to phrase things, and it allows people to explain what’s going on without feeling like they’re on trial. ⁣

Don’t be afraid of silence. When someone tells you something really heavy, sometimes you just won’t know what to say. That’s okay. A lot of the time, distressed people aren’t looking for comforting words - they just need someone to sit there in their pain with them, by their side. Silences are a natural part of intense conversations, and they’re important. Let them happen. And sometimes, a long silence gives someone the space to say the things they were afraid to say before. ⁣

Don’t try to “fix” the problem. When someone comes to you with a problem - their partner dumped them, they lost their job, they’re broke - it can be really, really tempting to just start hurling solutions at them. We’ll sign you up for dating sites! We’ll spruce up your resume! We’ll make you a budget! If the person reaching out to you wanted that kind of help, they would ask for it. If they’re reaching out to talk about their problems, they aren’t looking for practical solutions right now - they don’t need you to fix it, they need you to listen to them, understand how much they’re hurting, and sit by them when they cry. ⁣

Validate their feelings. Distressed people often feel that their emotions are ridiculous, or that they don’t “deserve” to feel sad because they are better off in life than other people. Remind them that they have a right to their own feelings. Confirm that, yes, their situation sucks and it’s okay for them to be upset about it. Never confirm suicidal feelings, but do let them know that their sadness or anger or shame is okay to feel, and they have a right to feel it.⁣

Offer resources only if they are okay with it. Pelting a suicidal person with unwanted pamphlets isn’t helpful. Even if you know a great mental health resource in your area, it’s important to ask if the person even wants resources, or feels comfortable reaching out to a resource. Always check in with the person’s comfort after providing a resource, and ask if you can help them to be more comfortable accessing this resource. If you gave them the name of a local mental health clinic, ask if they would like you to call the clinic for them, or accompany them to the clinic - offer whatever help you can, but don’t push resources, and always check in with their needs and comfort. ⁣

These tips aren’t perfect, and they won’t necessarily work for everyone - they are a guideline to get you started, and to feel more confident approaching struggling family and friends. Having intense conversations about mental health or suicide with a loved one can be overwhelming, and many people don’t feel prepared to have these conversations, even if they want to. Do your best. Even if you make mistakes, showing someone that you honestly care about them and you’re making an effort to be there for them can make a world of difference. Having an imperfect conversation is better than no conversation at all. ⁣

If you’re still having doubts about your ability to have these conversations, remember that there are helpful videos online that you can learn from, and you can always call suicide hotlines to get tips and reassurance about approaching a loved one you’re concerned about. At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter how you have this conversation - it matters that you have it.

[derangedrhythms]

E. M. Cioran, The Trouble With Being Born, tr. Richard Howard

[lifeinpoetry]

i see her & i am fourteen,

i am twenty-two, i have been badly hurt. i see her, little mouth,

bare-faced & vulnerable. i see her & don’t know where to begin.

— Safia Elhillo, from "Elegy," Girls That Never Die

[lifeinpoetry]

I thought I’d stay forever. I thought we’d all live. More than I wanted to make anything, I wanted to stay alive. More than the thick stink of the summer, our knotted and painted bodies filling the train car with noise. Left alone I’d collapse for days into bed, exhausted but unable to sleep, feeling the ache of my fingernails growing long, my chemicals going sour. I only wanted sleep. I did not want to die. So I left. It was six years to the day, an apartment I’d loved. I escaped, I think, with my life. Because I loved him I look up, every few years, his name to check for an obituary.

— Safia Elhillo, from "Memoir," Girls That Never Die

[moonstoast]

yes & no by natalie wee

[ceruleanmaze]

this feels so personal...

[letterstoyourlove]

[letterstoyourlove]

[letterstoyourlove]

[resqectable]

“I need to stop fantasizing about running away to some other life and start figuring out the one I have.”

— Holly Black

[1anonyymous1]

I have a terrible habit of leaving things unsaid for the sake of peace

[takethemonetandletsgogh]

“what cannot be said will be wept”

[twinwound]

mary shelley writing about a monster rejected and abandoned by its creator and dedicating it to her own father i need to smoke a blunt with her i need to give her head