ᶜᴬᴺ ᵞᴼᵁ / ᴴᴱᴬᴿ ᴹᴱ ?

NEW PLAN: fuck it!

[greysanatomydaily]

cristina yang + favorite quotes

[bob-belcher]

[be-artistic-deactivated20230306]

[distinguishedbaloney]

[elizabeth-forbes]

[cfselcouth]

❛ i watched a woman eat a hot dog over a garbage can and i stared at her like she was the mona lisa. ❜ / @inviictas !

“ if i find out that you were the girl, i’m blocking you on all my social media accounts. including, like, linkedin. “ rachel spoke in her usual way. STEADY AND TO-THE-POINT. “ but i seriously miss monstropolis. they were monsters, but no one ate trash dogs. “

[cfselcouth]

❛ there’s always like five of his friends that he calls ‘ the homies ’ sleeping on the floor. ❜ / @rheawindsor !

“ i used to get into shit for that all the time when i was younger. BRINGING IN STRAYS. “ luke fondly thinks back. from kittens to emotionally stunted teens, his parents really went through it with him. “ never liked being alone, really. “

[cfselcouth]

❛ warren, warren, warren. that’s a weird name. ❜ / @inviictas !

“ can you speak, though ? i mean... no offense. “ leo smiled at them. “ a lot of names are weird, though. zepplin, birdie, america. leo’s not, like, tame, either. “

[cfselcouth]

❛ much like tantric sex, it’s the same mess at the end. ❜ / @walmartkaligaris !

“ andrea, i love you, but sometimes i wish you came with a mute button. “ she stabbed her salad pointedly, scrunching up her face so much she looked like a prune. “ do you hear yourself when you speak ? “

[cfselcouth]

❛ do not do that. because you could get hurt or worse. ❜ / @sniickt !

“ don’t worry about me, laura, “ said alva, flashing her a sneaky, private smile. “ i could literally climb this in my sleep. “ she kicked off both of her vans and took off her socks, wiping her sweaty palms onto her shorts. alva positioned herself as she started the monkey climb up the side of the side of the football post. DRUNK AND ATHLETIC was never a good combo.

[munchmemesa]

john mulaney starters. ( from various interviews & clips )

❛  it was the best time. it was an innocent time.  ❜

❛  are we doing it correctly  ?  ❜

❛  who am i talking about  ?  you  ?  ❜

❛  my neighbour was arrested by the fbi for being a cannibal.  ❜

❛  the fbi was swarming our lobby and arrested this guy at a six am raid.  ❜

❛  no, he never said to me in the elevator  ‘ guess what : i might be a cannibal. ’  ❜

❛  he was quiet but he was so hungry.  ❜

❛  we’ve all been there.  ❜

❛  i really want that to be a lie.  ❜

❛  florida is the costco of upsetting people.  ❜

❛  it was like comic con but alcoholic.  ❜

❛  so, i put it in the refrigerator. i took the hat and i put it in the fridge.  ❜

❛  that is an interesting way to look at it.  ❜

❛  this guy touched my car and i’m gonna nail him.  ❜

❛  the mud on the carpet  ?  oh, that’s mine  ?  alright.  ❜

❛  we’re a little different as people.  ❜

❛  there’s always like five of his friends that he calls ‘ the homies ’ sleeping on the floor.  ❜

❛  these are like XXXL shirt and jacket with spongebob squarepants pajama bottoms.  ❜

❛  i must be the best person you know.  ❜

❛  you’re amongst weird company.  ❜

❛  at best, prom is like a wedding.  ❜

❛  i’ve never met anyone who had a good prom.  ❜

❛  you bought a limo  ?  ❜

❛  i’ve been nervous for 35 years.  ❜

❛  they have a room for giraffes.  ❜

❛  no  !  camels, not giraffes  !  ❜

❛  i’m just gonna sit here and eat popcorn.  ❜

❛  this is your day to stroke each other off  !  ❜

❛  warren, warren, warren. that’s a weird name.  ❜

❛  we got high in my room.  ❜

❛  i would much rather eat potato chips on the sidewalk.  ❜

❛  i get scared at outdoor concerts.  ❜

❛  i eat the mushrooms. i eat them all and i start hallucinating, as one does.  ❜

❛  i watched a woman eat a hot dog over a garbage can and i stared at her like she was the mona lisa.  ❜

❛  why don’t you have a seat  ?  everything’s gonna be fine.  ❜

❛  i discard people when i don’t need them.  ❜

❛  much like tantric sex, it’s the same mess at the end.  ❜

❛  give me a vial of your urin and i’ll do it.  ❜

❛  oh, look. we actually did it.  ❜

❛  the penis is triangle shaped.  ❜

❛  do not do that. because you could get hurt or worse.  ❜

❛  it’s called ‘ violins against violence. ’  ❜

❛  but didn’t you listen to our whole philosophy thing  ?  ❜

❛  i know but it’s bullshit.  ❜

❛  oh, no. that was so long ago. who knows what happened in that dark tunnel.  ❜

❛  nope, there is no right way to say this.  ❜

❛  if you’re an adult male who sees no flaws in his father you are an insane person.  ❜

❛  listen to me. we’re going to win. this is going to be fantastic.  ❜

❛  is it me  ?  ❜

❛  i’m not mad at you about the marker. i’m not mad about the marker.  ❜

❛  if i’m mad at anyone, it’s the dog.  ❜

❛  oh, that spider is so turned on.  ❜

[thcrin]

[quadrantslando]

[tinymeatgang]

a thrilling trilogy

[aliceinwondercloset]

[impracticaljokersgifs]

[glorianas]

“Like a god, / I believe in nothing.”

— Tracy K. Smith, from “Nocturne: Andalusian Dog,” Duende (via lifeinpoetry)