❝ No, Ethan, you don’t understand. There was NEVER any other path for me to take. This is who I am, and that is who you are, and we cannot change it – not for love nor money. This is, was, and always will be our FATE. At first I was not content to believe that my life had been written in the fabric of time for many years before I was ever even a thought in my mother’s mind. But I KNOW this to be true, Ethan: you and I are dangerous, and there is none of God’s light left in me, but to each other we are sanctuary. ❞
Vanessa let him hold her, trying to ignore the fact that his lips were so close to hers. It would be so easy - so RIGHT - to close that tiny gap and kiss him like no other had ever kissed him. Vanessa wanted to take everything he was and DEVOUR it. Although she had promised herself she would not do it, she couldn’t stop thinking about it. Her arms remained by her side, although in her mind they were wrapped around his neck, fingers running through his hair. In her imagination, there was nothing stopping them being together. But this was REALITY, and she had to reign her desires in or the world would end. Perhaps it was just her debilitating anxiety telling her that, but it felt like that’s what would happen.
❝ Please don’t say this. I am NOT in danger around you, Ethan. I know you. I know what happens to you. I’ve seen it, remember? And I wasn’t hurt, not even a scratch. You knew me, you looked into my eyes, and you had the STRENGTH to turn and leave. You are not darkness. You are the only light for miles and miles around here. And it is my own fault I cannot make you happy just yet. But I PROMISE you this; together we are stronger. And even if it takes time, we can learn to be less dangerous. We can find a way, Ethan. ❞
A moment of WEAKNESS, and her eyes closed, face tilted towards his. Vanessa’s lips hovered over his, the ghost of a kiss she should have long since buried. And then she remembered herself, and peeled back from him, an apology glimmering in her watery eyes.
He felt drained, twisted and turned until there was nothing else but shallow clunking of hallowed out wishes and hopes. Being around her was more painful then the changes his body goes through with each new moon. Once he had seen himself, after years of cut out nights that he couldn’t remember. His refection glimmered in a small puddle that was left as a reminder of the rain. Stars shimmered above him and the moon crept in, but his distorted features were there, eyes so familiar staring back at him under everything else.
He had ran off then, somewhere to the forest, howling at the moon, himself, at what he had seen. Not expecting her to KISS him, Ethan froze for a split second as just as he wanted to kiss her back, she was already gone, wiggled her way out of his weak embrace. “You say those things because they make you feel better. I’d know, I say them to myself constantly.”With eyes still closed, he turned his face away, finding no strength to do much else but stand there, pathetically helpless. “You can’t kiss me without fearing for yourself, without wanting to run away. So I think we shouldn’t talk about it anymore. I’m going to go to the kitchen, make you some time and get you something to eat. Malcolm might be back soon. We’ll talk to him too. See what we all need to do next. “
Led infused limbs dragged along the carpet until he wrapped his fingers around the doorknob. It would seem that they had this conversation many times, most of which, with themselves, silently. But it didn’t matter. He wasn’t fit to protect her, he couldn’t protect anyone. That was PAINFULLY clear by now. He had spent so much time running from home, from his family. But maybe he was protecting them, as much as he was in fear of them. Closing the door behind himself, the hallway seemed endlessly long and narrow, stretching out like a snake before the opening that reveled the stairs.
The kitchen smelled like spices and herbs, most of which were hanging from strings above his head. He busied himself with the tea and sandwiches, placing more effort into this mundane task then anyone before. Even this room reeked over things that he didn’t want to think about, PEOPLE he didn’t dare ever forget, but each time he’d think of his friend, and he did not have many of those. When he finally finished the tea and snacks. He simply sat down, as if his legs gave in. Facing Vanessa was now more torture then anything else, and being here a never ending cause of SUFFERING.