[changing-the-wheel]

Introduction and disclaimers

This is my blog where I discuss the Jeffrey Dahmer case, maybe some meta-commentary. I do not condone his acts. dni, if you engage in: - condoning - sharing any graphic material/gore related to the case - disrespecting the victims - and generally, if you're a minor

📣‼️ If you're reading this and you feel as stupid about your fixation as I do, please consider donating to the Wisconsin LGBT History Project Link here. An interview with the founder can be found here. Who am I and why am I interested in this topic? I'm a queer person, as well as neurodivergent and mentally ill. I have OCD, PTSD and BPD. For me, as a SA survivor dealing with this case is a form of maladaptive coping, but it also opens up the discussion about topics such as mental health, social justice and questions of morality, which I'm deeply invested in. I do not in any way excuse the predatory sexual violence of Jeffrey Dahmer and general mayhem wrought by him. My attempt here is to have a nuanced discussion, but I will occasionally also reblog shitposts.

If you find any of this triggering, please do not engage, take care of yourself and feel free to block me.

Also, in case you're wondering: the poem above is "Changing The Wheel" by Bertolt Brecht. It's not related to the case, but it deeply resonates with me as it relates to cognitive dissonance and recovery.

[goodgirlfrisky-deactivated20230]

Dennis Rodriguez and Michael Masters roomed with [Jeff] for his final year in the service. What they remember in connection with Dahmer was a briefcase set up as a portable bar – something that he could keep his liquor in and not be caught by his superiors. It was an elaborate case – martini mixers, shakers, stirrers, glasses, and flasks. He made dry martinis from Beefeater gin, put on his Black Sabbath tapes, and closed himself off during his weekend binges.

He would drink and have his headphones on, kind of be shut out from the rest of the world," Rodriguez said. "He wouldn't move. He wouldn't even go out for chow. He wouldn't get takeout food. He'd drink until he passed out and then wake up and drink some more. There were a lot of people who used to drink, but not like him."

Once, when Dahmer passed out from the alcohol, his roommates put an empty bottle of Thunderbird next to him and snapped a picture. But Dahmer never drank wine, just the hard stuff.

On weekdays, Rodriguez remembered Dahmer taking his "briefcase" to the library and coming back late at night. Sometimes he'd be gone for an entire weekend – from the time he got off duty on Friday to when he reported to the aid station on Monday.

– Robert Dvorchak / Lisa Holewa "Milwaukee Massacre"

[goodgirlfrisky-deactivated20230]

Addition: Jeff used the briefcase in school as well.

[ugly-ass-hush-puppies]

Thinking about the "briefcase" moment from that one Spongebob episode...

[c0keandhalci0n-deactivated20230]

Post with Some Faces and Mouths of Park Dietz:

***

Just a warning to everyone!!

ALL the images that I use both in this post and the ones on the blog, you can take them without my consent, as I have no rights over anyone's image. However, if you are going to take an ENTIRE INFORMATIVE POST AND DRAWING of mine and copy and paste it, at least put it where it was taken from, please, as it takes work to make a post from scratch. Thank you, you're welcome.✌🏼

[changing-the-wheel]

He's like a camp sassy egg, and I love that for him

[changing-the-wheel]

*People on tumblr minding their business, reblogging gif sets and shit* Me, quietly in the background: Bertolt B r e c h t

[changing-the-wheel]

The disquietude caused by women desiring the violence of men - some thoughts on hybristophilic fantasies

Mack The Knife and his bride Polly, Bob Wilson's production of the Threepenny Opera

But then one day, and the day was blue, Came a man who didn't ask at all. And he went and hung his hat on the nail of my little attic, And what happened, I can't recall. And as he'd got no money and was not a nice chap, And his Sunday shirts were not like snow, And as he'd no idea of treating a girl with due respect, I could not tell him, "No!"

- Barbara Song, from Bertolt Brecht's Threepenny Opera, 1928 Content warning: sexual assault

The above lyrics are sung by notorious criminal Macheath's newly wedded bride in Brecht's well-known play The Threepenny Opera. The play might also be one of the most widely received depictions of hybristophilia, although it isn't discussed as such. Polly the bride, a ditzy young woman running away from her stern and somber parents to elope with Macheath, defiantly announces her marriage to a man known to have been a pimp, a murderer and the head of a gang of burglars, lowlifes and brutes. She sings about rejecting proper gentlemen with good manners and "workday shirts (...) white as snow" asking for her hand in marriage, until the improper and dangerous Macheath comes along whom she cannot resist. Like a lot of depictions of female sexuality in Brecht's work, a socialist writer who was raised in majority Catholic Bavaria, the song is steeped in a sense of fatal attraction, with sex as something that ultimately brings ruin into the life of a woman, if it doesn't cost her her own life like The Drowned Girl in his play Baal. Brecht's work then, even though he was a card-carrying socialist who featured many women protagonists in his plays, is burdened by a religious and deeply patriarchal sexual morality. Which brings me to the question:

What is hybristophilia, but not a mirror women hold up to their very oppressors? A fantasy reflecting the male gaze that eroticises the victimisation of women?

I think of the infamous scene in David Lynch's Blue Velvet, in which the protagonist bears witness to a disturbing sexual exchange between a female victim and a man who is threatening her. The scene puts us in the shoes of a young man hiding in the woman's closet, he himself has invaded her home and is now forced to witness the woman's assault. While the film portrays the aggressor Frank as a man so cruel that we cannot but find his perversity ridiculous, Isabella Rosselini's portrayal of the woman he threatens conveys desire and longing as much as it does fear. It isn't until much later in the film, where this image the protagonist has of her is shattered as she suddenly appears stranded in front of his suburban family home, naked and terrified. 

This character, Dorothy Vallens, is what comes to mind when I think of hybristophilia. It's the close-up of her head leaning back after she is hit by Frank, who incidentally is a kind of mob boss who has several henchmen at his command, not unlike Macheath. The luxuriously saturated colours of her blue eyeshadow and bright lipstick in that close-up stand out in my mind. It's this image that I think about whenever the film is mentioned. It's this moment that I found deeply unsettling, because it made me consider: Is she enjoying this? 

The film has been criticised by many for its aestheticised portrayal of sexual assault. I find it is its dense symbolism that is most revealing of the violence of the male gaze, that makes the film meaningful to me as a feminist viewer.

Who are these women propelled by a Freudian death drive to desire the thrill of being held captive, of assault and the danger of meeting their own fate? Are they a Dorothy Vallens, who narrowly escapes her fate at the hands of her abuser or are they the erotic thrill-seekers of Cronenberg's Crash, bound to succumb to the dangerous nature of their desire? 

While it isn't exclusively heterosexual women who have hybristophilic fantasies, we seem to mostly focus on women in discussions of this paraphilic interest. Gay author and enfant terrible Jean Genet is famously known for writing about his fantasies of detainees in a penal colony in his semi-autobiographical novel Miracle of the Rose. Similarly, Yukio Mishima writes about the desire for a juvenile delinquent in his disturbing coming-of-age story Confessions of a Mask: In the final term of our second year a newcomer joined our little group. This was Omi. He had been expelled from the dormitory because of some outrageous behavior. Until then I had paid no particular attention to him, but when his expulsion placed this unmistakable brand of what is called "delinquency" upon him, I suddenly found it difficult to keep my eyes off him.

Genet and Mishima were both gay men during a time when homosexuality was considered a criminal offense. In fact, Genet was a convicted felon and thief, who was dishonourably discharged from the French Foreign Legion, having been caught with another man. The conflation of homosexuality with criminal acts was simply a cultural fact enforced by the criminal justice system.

Querelle, the bisexual serial killer and thief in Fassbinder's film based on Genet's novel

Heterosexual women are inundated with images that eroticise sexual assault. Hybristophilic women don't face the criminalisation of their sexual orientation, as Genet or Mishima did. However, I believe it is the same institution of hegemonic sexuality that criminalised homosexuality until not-too-recently that also produces this fetish in women. It is a fetish that makes the implicit danger of heterosexuality in a patriarchal society an explicit fantasy. It is a reflection of the male gaze that is truly unsettling, as it is here that the woman desires to be looked at as a victim. Discussions that condemn these women often don't acknowledge how their desires reflect the structural violence of a patriarchal society. Their sexual desire seems to negate their own agency, yet they seek out this fantasy of their own volition. As such, it is deeply unsettling. At the same time it is reflective of a society that constantly produces the threat of male aggression.

This was a strange post. If you read it, I hope it was interesting. Just as a disclaimer: I don't condemn any self-aware hybristophiles for their interests. If you oppose any of the ideas laid out here, feel free to comment. I think discussion is always a good thing and don't consider myself an authority on anything. Clearly, this is a nuanced issue that warrants all kinds of discussions.

[changing-the-wheel]

Someone asked me if Jeff had a thing for Pat Kennedy in a private message, I wanted to share my answer here. Feel free to comment. Well, this is gonna be a bit of a pompous answer, I apologise in advance. It depends on what you mean by "thing"? I think we have to remind ourselves that Jeff's psychosocial development and internal world is pretty … unique, to put it mildly. He said himself that he wasn't sure if he was capable of love. But of course that's probably not what "thing" stands for. Did he lust after Kennedy? I have no idea. Perhaps. I think for Jeff meeting Pat Kennedy must have been a profound experience, namely one of being recognised and accepted. Not the kind of acceptance that dignifies or affirms (this isn't the kind of account that deserves that), an acceptance that witnesses, that registers. It must have been a powerful encounter of the other for both of these men. Imagine being so obsessed with something that it takes over your whole life, but not being able to acknowledge it publicly, not even to another trusted individual for 13 years. And for this to be a straight policeman, someone who couldn't be more opposed to him. I think Jeff ultimately failed to make such a profound connection in any other way. His horrific crimes attest to that, because he wanted the presence of a person with him, but not their full presence of mind, their full humanity. The experience of being truly vulnerable in front of another person, to be recognised and seen, he avoided that at all cost. I can't imagine a more lonely and pathetic existence.

[changing-the-wheel]

I really can't believe that a guy killed people partially due to some delusional beliefs based on Star Wars

[hauteofdahmer]

This is why he should have gotten the insanity plea.

[changing-the-wheel]

I don't agree, while he had some delusional beliefs, expert witnesses reliably proved he was never detached from reality to the extent that he couldn't have been found criminally responsible. You have to have more than some incredibly weird and zany beliefs to be considered not guilty by reason of insanity. Jeffrey knew what he was doing, he prepared for what he was doing, he attempted to evade detection. Being mentally ill doesn't translate to not knowing right from wrong. The whole focus of his assessment in the framework of his trial was not treatment but to determine whether he was criminally responsible and he was. He definitely should have gotten treatment while serving his sentence, though.

[changing-the-wheel]

Is Park Dietz a Lawful Neutral? Comment below.

[changing-the-wheel]

I really can't believe that a guy killed people partially due to some delusional beliefs based on Star Wars

[midnightmassmurder]

Jeffrey Dahmer - A Psychological Insight

We all know about the atrocities of the Milwaukee Cannibal, but what drove him to commit such acts?

Dahmer pled guilty but insane before the actual trial. Psychiatric experts testified that he knew right from wrong, regardless of psychological state. So what did Dahmer suffer from, and how did this impact his crimes?

 Psychological Summary

There are many different possible diagnoses for Jeffrey Dahmer. Upon psychological inspection, many different possibilities arose for Dahmer’s mental state. 

Antisocial Personality Disorder

Perhaps the most obvious diagnosis, APD is a disorder that has been flirted with by psychologists to explain Dahmer’s behaviour. It is catagorised by the following: 

- Exploit, manipulate and violate the rights of others - No remorse or regret - Irresponsible, no regard for social norms - Very few long term, meaningful relationships  - Problems with temper and frustration - Lack guilt for their actions - Blame others for their own short-comings - Break the law consistently

This may seem like, on the surface, an appropriate diagnosis for Dahmer. However, the way in which he killed, and his self professed reasons for doing so, do not fit the criteria. Many psychologists deny this as the driving force behind his crimes, as his motives seemed to be propelled more by insecurity, self gratification and instability, rather than anger. 

Autistic Development Disorder 

Many children suffer from a form of Autistic Spectrum Disorder, which inevitably carries through to adulthood. It is categorized by the following:

- Social & communication difficulties  - Exhibit behaviours that other would deem “different” and “repetitive” - Intense obsessions  - Is often coupled with Social Anxiety and General Anxiety Disorder - Monotonous or flat speech - Uncomfortable with human touch

No two people present the same Autistic behaviors, so categorization is difficult.

Jeffrey Dahmer developed from a very young age an obsession with bones, namely animal bones. Lionel Dahmer (father) said in his book “A Fathers Story” that he encouraged this behavior, as he felt it may lead to a career in the medical field. He ultimately viewed this obsession as a harmless one.

In school, Dahmer had a lot of trouble with social interaction. He spoke of this himself in a later interview from prison, stating that  “The subtleties of social life were beyond my grasp. When children liked me, I did not know why. Nor could I formulate a plan for winning their affection. I simply didn’t know how things worked with other people…. And try as I might, I couldn’t make other people seem less strange and unknowable” 

Experts that assessed Dahmers behaviour, say that there is a connection between Aspergers and sexual development, aggressive behavior and low mood.

Borderline Personality Disorder 

After molesting a 13 year old, psychologists found Dahmer to be uncooperative, angry, manipulative and emotionally unstable. He later told his probation officer that his life lacked meaning and purpose. Could this empty feeling, coupled with an unstable disposition be a sign of BPD?

Categorization:

- Emotional Instability - Disturbed patterns of thinking or perceptions - Impulsive and reckless behavior - Unstable sense of self - Extreme fear of abandonment and rejection - Intense and unstable relationships with others  - Obsessive behaviors such as obsessing over other people

In his confession, Jeffrey Dahmer said he murdered the men to prevent them from leaving and abandoning him. This intense fear of being “left” is very common among BPD sufferers, and this, coupled with his extreme denial of his homosexuality (unstable sense of self) may make BPD a likely diagnosis. 

Personality Disorder Not Otherwise Specified; with Schizoid, Antisocial, and Schizotypal Traits

Psychiatrists that assessed Dahmer found that they were unable to conclude what afflictions he suffered from. The above diagnosis was given.

How would JD have been treated on the outside?

There are many different therapies that are available for the above mental health problems. Below is a selection of these that may have been implemented: 

Borderline Personality Disorder 

- DBT - Dialectical Behavioural Therapy Coupled with medication for related depression and anxiety

Aspergers  - A combination of Social Skills Training, Speech and Language therapy, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Applied Behavioral Analysis and Medication

Many psychologists also think that a combination of Psychotherapy, Psychopharmacology and Hormone Therapy would have helped Dahmer to live a functional life.

How was Dahmer treated in prison?

Dahmer received no official therapy in prison for his mental health issues, other than the pastoral care of the prison minister.  He converted to Christianity whilst in prison. Was this a genuine move one Dahmer’s part to seek forgiveness and live a better, more fulfilling life? Or was it yet another desperate attempt to fit into a group and establish an identity for himself? 

Had Jeffrey been given the opportunity to receive quality mental health assessments and care, some believe he could’ve served as a “guinea pig” in how to treat extreme deviance such as this. 

[changing-the-wheel]

While this is largely speculative, I believe it is likely Jeff had ASD, CPTSD, a mix of personality disorder traits, meeting full criteria for BPD and prominent Cluster B traits (antisocial and narcissistic) and some delusions, but no real psychotic breaks. This would be my summary of his psychosocial development, from a layman's POV, with some speculation thrown in there, so take it with a grain of salt: Childhood (toddler - pre-teen) - born with ASD, resulting in restricted interests, difficulty relating to other people - parents fail to recognise neurodivergent traits, attribute it to poor adjustment after medical procedure - possibly: development of CPTSD as a result of parental neglect and abuse, as well as witnessing abuse of his mother

Early adolescence - possibly special interest in biology, anatomy, taxidermy, collecting animal bones and insect specimen - CPTSD results in poorly regulated emotions, difficulty coping with repressed anger, retreat into fantasies/possibly maladaptive daydreaming as a way to cope - both impulsive and obsessive-compulsive symptoms become obvious (repeatedly hitting tree trunks as an outlet for aggression/mounting the head of a dog carcass, compulsion to think about certain images while masturbating, other compulsive behaviours such as the "4 steps forward/2 steps backward" dance, alcoholism) - compulsive thoughts while masturbating and fantasies become paraphilic interest - BPD pattern begins to take shape, intense dysphoric mood and anxiety around abandonment

Late teens - increasingly aware of homosexual orientation - paraphilic interest and fantasies of necrophilia fully formed (low self-esteem/rejection sensitivity, displaced anger, repression of homosexuality and familiarity observing unhealthy dominant-submissive dynamic in parents may play role) - hitchhiker fantasy - antisocial traits come to the front as the wish to fulfil fantasies/gratification becomes more important than adhering to social norms - alcoholism increasingly impacts social functioning - parents' divorce and abandonment further destabilise him, escalating to first case of murder

Early adulthood 18+ - inability to form/lack of interest in close relationships, no friends or romantic interest (a criterion for Schizotypal or Schizoid PD, but can be a feature of ASD, esp. in combination w/ CPTSD) - inability to keep maladaptive behaviours from impacting his life (alcohol, fantasies of killing) -> dropping out from college, discharge from military, limited career options, lives with grandmother - maladaptive patterns diversify (pornography addiction, mannequin episode) - arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct, indecent exposure at the state fair - visiting LGBTQ book shops, bars, clubs, first sexual experience - predatory behaviour emerges as pattern: using alcohol no longer only to self-medicate, but to limit inhibitions to commit crimes, learning about use of sedatives, planning and carrying out fantasies of r*pe - series of r*pe at bath houses - murder of Steven Tuomi, likely in a state of dissociation/ alcohol aided dissociative fugue state

Major breaking point (late 20s) - desensitization to the point of first series of murders - arrest for the assault of Somsack - first prison sentence, work release - manipulation and failure to take responsibility: refusal to engage in therapy/AA meetings, lying to probation officer - mix of prominent Cluster B features (BPD: irritability, suicidal ideation, emotional instability, feelings of emptiness, impulsivity in self-harming ways (drinking/irresponsible spending); NPD/ASPD features: hostility, lack of empathy, self-centeredness, impulse control issues w/ damaging effect to others/disregard of the law) - move to the Oxford apartments - increasingly delusional thinking/ Schizotypal/psychotic features but no outright psychosis (sharing "love" with victims, becoming one with victims, plans for shrine)

[lovelyloathsome-deactivated2015]

During the course of his evaluation of Jeffrey Dahmer, Psychologist Samuel Friedman administered the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory (MMPI), the most widely used and researched test to determine adult psychopathology.  The test measures various elements of personality and mental disturbance through clinical scales that represent common diagnoses such as depression, paranoia, and hysteria, supplemental scales that assess other areas of personality such as repression and over-controlled hostility, and validity scales that determine whether the test taker’s answers are honest and consistent.  Dahmer’s results revealed severe psychological abnormalities.  He scored high on depression, psychopathic deviate (antisocial behavior and societal maladjustment), paranoia, psychasthenia (extreme tension, anxiety, and a marked tendency towards obsessive behavior), and schizophrenia (disorganized thinking, dysphoric thoughts, social alienation, and outright delusions that may warrant a diagnosis of a schizophrenic disorder).  He also scored exceptionally low on the supplemental scale of ego strength, suggesting poor self-concept and lack of coping skills, and relatively high on the validity scale of K, which assesses defensiveness and denial.  His individual answers are even more telling.

He endorsed:

worrying about catching diseases

engaging in unusual sex practices 

worrying about whether he closed his windows and locked his door when he left his home

feeling lonely most of the time, even in the company of others

feeling that no one understands him

having been disappointed in love and having an unsatisfactory sex life

not being happy most of the time and longing to be as happy as others seemed to be

disliking school

using alcohol excessively and taking drugs without a prescription

having a taste for the dramatic

feeling safer to trust no one

that he had at times wanted to leave his home growing up

daydreaming excessively

having peculiar thoughts and experiences and thinking about things too bad to talk about

having a dearth of things in his life that kept him interested and feeling that life is a strain

wishing he were dead most of the time, getting no pleasure from recreation, and being indifferent to what happens to him

having often been sorry for being so cross and grouchy

having felt like swearing or smashing things

that his family disliked the work he had chosen

that he had not lived the right kind of life, was no good at all, and deserved severe punishment for his sins

He denied:

either of his parents forcing his obedience unreasonably

being liked by most people who knew him

being happy when alone

having ever been in love

touchiness on such subjects to the extent at which he could not talk about them

that his conduct was largely controlled by those around him

that he was said to be hot-headed or that he had felt like picking a fist fight with people at times

that he had gotten a raw deal from life

sometimes feeling hate towards family members he usually loved

that his feelings were easily hurt

having several times given up on something because he thought too little of his ability

that he had fits of laughter or crying that he could not control

that someone had control over his mind

that there was little love or companionship in his family as compared to most homes

that he had been punished without cause

[changing-the-wheel]

Looking for anonymous interview partners

Hey everyone, I'm currently looking for anonymous interview partners from this community identifying as trans men, transmasculine or nonbinary dfab people interested in the case of Jeffrey Dahmer on tumblr. I'm interested in the dynamics of this community, specifically in terms of people with marginalised identities who would describe themselves as having a fixation on the topic of this case. I've spoken about my own reasons being linked to struggles with mental illness, but now I want to take a closer look through the lense of gender identity. I'm a transmasculine queer person myself and am currently working on an in-depth post looking at transmasculine people who find themselves interested in this specific case. Who am I? - As I've stated before, I'm a neurodivergent trans person who became fixated on the case after being exposed to the Netflix show. I've made several in-depth posts looking at Jeffrey Dahmer's psychology and a post featuring an interview about the impact on Milwaukee's LGBTQ community. I'm also an anthropology student interested in field research, a form of qualitative research that often relies on in-depth interviews. How do I participate? - If you want to participate, you can send me a message or ask. It doesn't matter to me whether you're an active member in this little niche online or a friendly lurker, as long as the following applies to you: (a) you identify as a trans man / transmasculine / are a dfab non-binary person (b) you are interested in researching the case of Jeffrey Dahmer (c) you've spent at least 5+ hours during the week recently reading about the case or creating content yourself online on tumblr (d) you are 18 years of age or older, NO exceptions!

What happens if I participate? - Starting next week, I will message you and ask you some questions via tumblr messenger or e-mail. It is at your discretion whether you choose to respond to any of those questions and at any point in time you can choose not to respond specifically to a particular question or withdraw from participation completely. Correspondence will take place in writing only. I will document our conversation, but will save anything without declaring anything that might break your anonymity. I will use quotes from these interviews to include in a post that I will then publish here. I will not publish our full correspondence or any personal correspondence that isn't part of the interviewing process. Before I do so, I will send you a draft of the post to make sure I do not include any information that you do not feel comfortable with. I will refer to you using an alias, I will not declare your blog handle or your location or anything like that. Anonymity is important to me, as this is a very sensitive and controversial issue. Why feature transmasculine people specifically? - Well, first of all because I am transmasculine myself and I'm interested in talking to other people sharing that identity and their individual motivations in researching the case. I do believe certain themes might connect with trans folks specifically, themes of shame, deviance and persecution in a metaphorical sense. I do not mean to sensationalise, to fetishise, I do not condone or romanticise any crimes committed by Jeffrey Dahmer. Please don't reach out to me if you do. If you have further questions or are interested in participating, shoot me a message or ask and I will respond to you after the weekend.

[changing-the-wheel]

Self-reblog, I'm doing a little project, if you're interested hmu

[changing-the-wheel]

I got a bot following me earlier whose profile read "you will be drained". Honestly, that sounds absolutely sinister to me and not sexy at all.

[changing-the-wheel]

Looking for anonymous interview partners

Hey everyone, I'm currently looking for anonymous interview partners from this community identifying as trans men, transmasculine or nonbinary dfab people interested in the case of Jeffrey Dahmer on tumblr. I'm interested in the dynamics of this community, specifically in terms of people with marginalised identities who would describe themselves as having a fixation on the topic of this case. I've spoken about my own reasons being linked to struggles with mental illness, but now I want to take a closer look through the lense of gender identity. I'm a transmasculine queer person myself and am currently working on an in-depth post looking at transmasculine people who find themselves interested in this specific case. Who am I? - As I've stated before, I'm a neurodivergent trans person who became fixated on the case after being exposed to the Netflix show. I've made several in-depth posts looking at Jeffrey Dahmer's psychology and a post featuring an interview about the impact on Milwaukee's LGBTQ community. I'm also an anthropology student interested in field research, a form of qualitative research that often relies on in-depth interviews. How do I participate? - If you want to participate, you can send me a message or ask. It doesn't matter to me whether you're an active member in this little niche online or a friendly lurker, as long as the following applies to you: (a) you identify as a trans man / transmasculine / are a dfab non-binary person (b) you are interested in researching the case of Jeffrey Dahmer (c) you've spent at least 5+ hours during the week recently reading about the case or creating content yourself online on tumblr (d) you are 18 years of age or older, NO exceptions!

What happens if I participate? - Starting next week, I will message you and ask you some questions via tumblr messenger or e-mail. It is at your discretion whether you choose to respond to any of those questions and at any point in time you can choose not to respond specifically to a particular question or withdraw from participation completely. Correspondence will take place in writing only. I will document our conversation, but will save anything without declaring anything that might break your anonymity. I will use quotes from these interviews to include in a post that I will then publish here. I will not publish our full correspondence or any personal correspondence that isn't part of the interviewing process. Before I do so, I will send you a draft of the post to make sure I do not include any information that you do not feel comfortable with. I will refer to you using an alias, I will not declare your blog handle or your location or anything like that. Anonymity is important to me, as this is a very sensitive and controversial issue. Why feature transmasculine people specifically? - Well, first of all because I am transmasculine myself and I'm interested in talking to other people sharing that identity and their individual motivations in researching the case. I do believe certain themes might connect with trans folks specifically, themes of shame, deviance and persecution in a metaphorical sense. I do not mean to sensationalise, to fetishise, I do not condone or romanticise any crimes committed by Jeffrey Dahmer. Please don't reach out to me if you do. If you have further questions or are interested in participating, shoot me a message or ask and I will respond to you after the weekend.

[changing-the-wheel]

When do I know not to engage?

I know this post will likely alienate some people, but I feel like addressing this is important for me and I need to express some thoughts here. Please know that it is not my intention to offend anyone or point the finger at anyone. I consider myself a part of this community here online, and while I value most of the time spent here, I feel like some things need to be aired out. After all the shitposting the day before yesterday, I read some posts saying that "it's not that deep". I believe you and I'm happy if your interactions in this community are overall "not deep" for you, whether it's sharing informational content, expressions of empathy or expressing physical attraction towards Jeffrey Dahmer. While I'm happy for you, I do believe for some it is in fact very deep. I've talked about my own mental illnesses on here, I have OCD, PTSD and BPD and that plays a major role why I'm fixating on the topic. It's part escapism and part coping mechanism in dealing with my own experiences of abuse. And from some of the interactions with other members in the community, whether they're with friendly lurkers or active members, I know that for some this fixation is similarly motivated by their own struggles. I specifically know of other people's struggles with the disorders I mentioned, which isn't surprising because they can all involve obsessive rumination and self-harming behaviour. All of that being said, I do not judge you if your fixation on this topic is partially unhealthy, as long as you're self-aware and you're able to make sure you limit your engagement when it is triggering for you.

Am I developing parasocial behaviours? I believe that I'm observing some parasocial behaviour in this community regarding Jeff, in myself and in others. I don't think this is overtly harmful per se, as long as you're self-aware. To clarify what parasocial behaviour might involve: (1) wondering how someone would react to certain things as you're going about your day, similarly to how you would think of a friend (2) wondering if someone would enjoy the same things you like (3) thinking of situations you've experienced that remind you of them and feeling a sense of companionship (4) feeling as though you understand a person you have no interaction with in real life, wanting to help them or feeling like you would like to reach out to them, if you could etc. All of these behaviours can be natural to some degree. As long as they don't impact your quality of life or real relationships you have, they can be natural ways to process information or feelings, as a kind of coping mechanism. Only you or the people closest to you will know if the threshhold to unhealthy rumination is crossed. As someone who struggles with similar behaviour, I especially advise you to talk to someone close to you IRL if you know that you have obsessive-compulsive tendencies, addictions or self-harming tendencies. Should that be the case, it might be advisable to limit your exposure to certain content and focus on self-care instead. Am I experiencing simple physical attraction or hybristophilia?

I do not condone or romanticise any crimes relevant to this case and I know most of you feel the same way. I do not think expressing some superficial physical attraction to Jeffrey Dahmer is pathological in and of itself. That being said, I do believe there's a slippery slope for some people and that some people expressing this attraction mean it in a more serious way. This is a sensitive and uncomfortable issue, but I want to stress that I do not mean to condemn you if you have hybristophilic tendencies. You read that right, I do not think that being a hybristophile means that you're a morally reprehensible person per se. However, there is a huge caveat here. And that caveat is that hybristophilia is a paraphilia and as such can be unhealthy, just as any fetish or paraphilic interest can cross the line into unhealthy or even harmful behaviour. While most people with paraphilias will not harm other people, it is a sensitive issue and carries significant stigma. Hybristophilia is nothing new, in fact, some writers whose art I admire like Jean Genet or Yukio Mishima have dealt with hybristophilic fantasies in their work. As long as you're self-aware and have an understanding that you run the danger of putting yourself in harm's way IRL, it can be simply a form of fantasy. I believe many antis discussing this topic are insensitive towards women with hybristophilic tendencies who have had experiences of trauma, PTSD or even CPTSD. If that is something that applies to you, you have my empathy as a fellow survivor. While most people on here, including the minority of people with hybristophilic tendencies, do not cross the line into worrisome behaviour beyond fantasising, I must ask of you to please not engage if you are not self-aware. Recently I had to block someone who has serious allegations of grooming minors, as well as exhibiting serious erotomanic delusions of being in an actual relationship with Jeffrey Dahmer. 🚨 And to any minor reading this 🚨 While I understand the need to seek out content that is controversial or triggering, I must ask you to please unfollow and talk to someone IRL about your fixation or parasocial behaviours, if you think it might be impacting you in an unhealthy way. You will know whether it is unhealthy if you experience any loss of quality of life, anxiety or you feel the need to withdraw from healthy interactions with people around you to focus on your fixation instead. Know that you are deserving of care and attention, but please seek out other avenues that are age-appropriate. This blog isn't intended for anyone below the age of 18. Thank you for reading. I know this is all very sensitive subject matter, but I felt that it was something that needed to be said. I don't think escapism and even partially unhealthy coping mechanisms are something that should be avoided at all cost, as they can be a part of recovery for those of us dealing with trauma or mental illness. I appreciate you guys and I hope we can continue to keep this community alive, while being self-aware and mindful.

[littlehorridcreation-deactivate]

"He had a rather distinctive way of walking to the high school bus stop that guaranteed no one would fail to notice him – four steps forward, two steps back, four steps forward, one step back. Picture the rather handsome six foot tall, 150 pound youth with long blond hair and glasses, studiously marching toward the bus, four steps forward, two steps back, four steps forward, one step back. It was a bizarre dance routine that never varied, as long as school was in session."

– Step into My Parlor by Ed Baumann

[lazybeardkoala-deactivated20230]

Maybe four steps forward, two steps back was another compulsion? If he didn't do this, he would feel emiotional distress? Loud thinking.

[comfortcup]

This reminds me of how I couldn't enter a place without pressing my toes down into the threshold. I think it is compulsive since he did it everytime.

[changing-the-wheel]

I have OCD, this definitely sounds like compulsive behaviour, although not everyone fully develops OCD later in life if they have some compulsive behaviour in childhood. However, disorders that Jeff had have been conceptualised as being on the obsessive-compulsive spectrum, namely paraphilic disorders and impulse-control disorders (sexual compulsion, pornography and alcohol addiction). @lazybeardkoala That being said, his paraphilic compulsions differ drastically from those of people with OCD. People with OCD have intrusive thoughts, sometimes of a sexual nature, that are ego-dystonic, meaning they do not reflect their real desires. The unintentional conflation of his use of the word compulsion with those of people suffering from OCD irks me, sorry to infodump! I know this isn't done with any ill intent.

[littlehorridcreation-deactivate]

Hey guys,

It's the day after and I'm having so many mixed feelings about continuing this blog.

I lost pretty much all motivation about posting informative things about Jeff.

I used to have fun and wanted to share stuff I mostly found in books about him. But after seeing people literally stealing content from other people and with all these blogs terminations going on... I am not having fun anymore.

And don't start with "it's the internet". People put in time and effort to create informative posts, to collect information and type it out. To make edits, even if it's just a little filter. Some peope even got their art stolen after they specifically asked not to.

I seriously wonder what's the point of trying even more to start a new blog again? I had some new ideas to post, even some info about the victims but to quote one of my favorite characters, Damon Salvatore: "What's the point? It's not gonna change anything. It's not gonna make me good." In their eyes at least.

So idk if I'll be around much anymore. Maybe I'll find my motivation again but I can't promise anything.

But I am still will be very grateful for getting to know so many people who share my interest in Jeff. Some of you I really consider my friends (you know who you are 💜) and I would never change that for anything.

[changing-the-wheel]

You will be missed! I think it is important for everyone to determine what self-care is for them. If it's too stressful for you to engage with this community knowing that more terminations might be in the cards, by all means it's a healthy decision not to subject yourself to that. It's a very real loss when you put so many hours into something and it's irretrievably lost. It's like losing a hard drive, only in this case it's other people who deem your content not worthy of being seen. Ultimately, this is what this community is about: being seen, sharing your thoughts with other people who can relate. I'm not surprised that a community like this arises from an interest in Jeffrey Dahmer. The themes are obvious. I don't want to be reductive, there are many discussions to be had when it comes to this topic, discussions of racial justice and the bias of law enforcement, the criminal neglect of gay people's rights during one of the darkest chapters of our history, the AIDS epidemic during the 80s and early 90s. All of this matters. Why Jeffrey, then? I understand the people on the other end, looking at our blogs and feeling like this doesn't deserve to be seen. Why express empathy for someone we must look at as undeserving of empathy? This is gonna be very personal, but I asked myself the same question about my abusers. My abusers who shared with me many stories of how they suffered as a child, who I know could have been resilient and loving human beings, but they decided otherwise. Questionable empathy and cognitive dissonance are strange bedfellows of many survivors. In Jeffrey, I see my abuser, I also see something that I can relate to and that's his pervasive feeling of loneliness following parental neglect and abandonment. These are two truths that exist at the same time, seemingly in contradiction of each other. Empathy is a wonderful and strange thing that most of us feel and I wouldn't choose otherwise, if I had the choice not to feel any empathy. Empathy is wonderful and it attaches itself to things, without us being able to make the call where it is warranted and where it isn't, because that wouldn't be true empathy. So when I say I'm not surprised that a community like this arises from an interest in Jeffrey Dahmer, I believe if you strip away everything else it comes down to loneliness. We live in a deeply uncaring and alienated society, and sadly, loneliness is pervasive as a result. I believe the core problem of Jeffrey's psyche was that he lacked the ability to connect with other people. I don't think he was truly born that way, I believe he was formed that way and he was fully responsible for the actions he chose to commit in an attempt to overcome the emptiness he felt. So along with the anger and disgust I feel, I also feel empathy. Other people might not understand that some people need an outlet for this expression of empathy, but I do. Sorry to hijack this, thank you for reading, thank you for sharing your knowledge, all the best to you.