be brave

Jocelyn Eileen Chang — 24 Sagittarius — Ravenpuff Dancer, cat mama, and a believer in all things pink.

[changjocelyn-blog]

Even though it took almost a week, I think the area around the studio is finally cleared out. There was a bunch of glass from a few broken windows and some fallen branches, but compared to the damage I’ve heard about, it sounds like I got off pretty lucky both on the home and the work front. Tomorrow’s our first night of classes since before the storm hit, and I have to say, even though I’ve heard that all of my ballet kiddos are okay, I’ll feel a lot better once I actually see them and can confirm it. 

[andantegrazioso-deactivated2018]

How Royal Ballet dancers prepare their pointe shoes | Royal Opera House

[changjocelyn-blog]

TEXTS 📲 JOCIE

JOSIE: Yeah but it's different when it's true. Everyone knows how damn neurotic I am so it's not a huge jump to to believe what she said.

JOSIE: You're the best, what did I do to deserve you?

JOCELYN: They don't matter though; what they think is just a bunch of assumptions they don't have any right to and they know it.

JOCELYN: You put up with my sister, I think that that's more than enough.

[changjocelyn-blog]

Fancy knowing anything about me?

1: Full name

2: Age

3: 3 Fears

4: 3 things I love

5: 4 turns on

6: 4 turns off

7: My best friend

8: Sexual orientation

9: My best first date

10: How tall am I

11: What do I miss

12: What time were I born

13: Favourite color

14: Do I have a crush

15: Favourite quote

16: Favourite place

17: Favourite food

18: Do I use sarcasm

19: What am I listening to right now

20: First thing I notice in new person

21: Shoe size

22: Eye color

23: Hair color

24: Favourite style of clothing

25: Ever done a prank call?

27: Meaning behind my URL

28: Favourite movie

29: Favourite song

30: Favourite band

31: How I feel right now

32: Someone I love

33: My current relationship status

34: My relationship with my parents

35: Favourite holiday

36: Tattoos and piercing i have

37: Tattoos and piercing i want

38: The reason I joined Tumblr

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other?

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

42: When did I last hold hands?

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days?

45: Where am I right now?

46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

49: Am I excited for anything?

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

51: How often do I wear a fake smile?

52: When was the last time I hugged someone?

53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not?

55: What is something I disliked about today?

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

57: What do I think about most?

58: What’s my strangest talent?

59: Do I have any strange phobias?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

61: What was the last lie I told?

62: Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

64: Do I believe in magic?

65: Do I believe in luck?

66: What's the weather like right now?

67: What was the last book I've read?

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline?

69: Do I have any nicknames?

70: What was the worst injury I've ever had?

71: Do I spend money or save it?

72: Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feets from me?

74: Favourite animal?

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is?

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

78: How can you win my heart?

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

80: What is my favorite word?

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

83: Do I have any relatives in jail?

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

86: What is my current desktop picture?

87: Had sex?

88: Bought condoms?

89: Gotten pregnant?

90: Failed a class?

91: Kissed a boy?

92: Kissed a girl?

93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

94: Had job?

95: Left the house without my wallet?

96: Bullied someone on the internet?

97: Had sex in public?

98: Played on a sports team?

99: Smoked weed?

100: Did drugs?

101: Smoked cigarettes?

102: Drank alcohol?

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

104: Been overweight?

105: Been underweight?

106: Been to a wedding?

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight?

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight?

109: Been outside my home country?

110: Gotten my heart broken?

111: Been to a professional sports game?

112: Broken a bone?

113: Cut myself?

114: Been to prom?

115: Been in airplane?

116: Fly by helicopter?

117: What concerts have I been to?

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex?

119: Learned another language?

120: Wore make up?

121: Lost my virginity before I was 18?

122: Had oral sex?

123: Dyed my hair?

124: Voted in a presidential election?

125: Rode in an ambulance?

126: Had a surgery?

127: Met someone famous?

128: Stalked someone on a social network?

129: Peed outside?

130: Been fishing?

131: Helped with charity?

132: Been rejected by a crush?

133: Broken a mirror?

134: What do I want for birthday?

135: How many kids do I want and what will be their names?

136: Was I named after anyone?

137: Do I like my handwriting?

138: What was my favourite toy as a child?

139: Favourite Tv Show?

140: Where do I want to live when older?

141: Play any musical instrument?

142: One of my scars, how did I get it?

143: Favourite pizza toping?

144: Am I afraid of the dark?

145: Am I afraid of heights?

146: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

147: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

148: What I'm really bad at

149: What my greatest achievments are

150: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

151: What I'd do if I won in a lottery

152: What do I like about myself

153: My closest Tumblr friend

154: Something I fantasise about

155: Any question you'd like?

[changjocelyn-blog]

TEXTS 📲 JOCIE

JOSIE: She brought up the incident. That nobody knew about. That they now know about. Everyone knows I'm a failure LMAO.

JOSIE: ....Yes, this sounds good. Bring fruity wine? Also do you think we can have a sleepover?

JOCELYN: You're not a failure, and just because something was said on the internet doesn't mean people are going to pay it much mind. And it's obvious you two were fighting, most people take what others argue about in jest.

JOCELYN: Absolutely - my professors have all cancelled classes tomorrow to recuperate from the storm, so we can make that happen.

[changjocelyn-blog]

TEXTS 📲 JOCIE

JOSIE: I can't handle stepping down, though? She already thinks I'm weak because of how our parents treated me and she probably also thinks I'm weak because of the shit that happened at college and idk why I care??? But I do. Lol.

JOSIE: Pls convince me to not go running.

JOCELYN: There's a difference between stepping down and walking away for your own wellbeing though. You're not weak, you're being the better person. Screw her, okay?

JOCELYN: Don't go running. Do you want me to come over there instead? I can see about finding you a dartboard and you can use an old family photo as target practice.

[changjocelyn-blog]

TEXTS 📲 JOCIE

JOSIE: I'm so fucking.

JOSIE: Why is she like this???? I literally never did anything to her and, like. I know I suck as a human being and that generally shit would be better without me, but do I really need to be reminded of that 24/7??

JOCELYN: I know.

JOCELYN: That's a lie, I don't know because absolutely nothing about that is true, but I understand what you're saying. If you egg her on though, it's only going to hurt you more, and you're better than that. Not only are you better than that, but you deserve better than that kind of false reminder.

[changjocelyn-blog]

FMK: Josie, Robin, Scottie

I wouldn’t have sex with anyone, and I don’t believe in marriage, so all of them would be filed under K, for kiss (on the cheek, in Josie’s case.)

@josiekarofsky @robinsperez @scottie-adam

[changjocelyn-blog]

TEXTS 📲 JOCIE

JOCELYN: Breathe, please.

[changjocelyn-blog]

WYR: spent 1 hour locked in a room with cecily, or 1 day locked in a cage with a tiger?

...tigers can be tamed. They’re also just really big cats, and cats tend to like me, so I think I’ll take my chances.

@cecilylouchang

[hazupumpkin]

Blow up my inbox.

[question-meme]

Would you rather..

Fuck, kill or marry

This or that

Personal questions

Creepy anons

Random questions

Advice

Love/hate

Anonymous secrets

Anything you want!

[changjocelyn-blog]

jaslola:

I actually took about a shower and then filled my tub and took an hour long bath with some wine and candles and bath bombs, read my book, and then slept for 15 hours. And then I did it again. I’m finally ready to reemerge into the real world again after this bullshit storm. 

It’s times like this I wish my apartment had a bath tub and not just a shower, because that sounds amazing. Please tell me it was the greatest thing ever, so I can relax vicariously through it. 

[changjocelyn-blog]

emilyswilde:

Has anyone else ever seen two grown-ass men wrestling each other in at least ten inches of mud? Over nothing, really? And not that typical mud wrestling type of thing that some people find attractive. I mean two burly, very angry men going at each other looking to draw blood. It’s not something I’m too eager to see again, and certainly not something I want to break up again. The fact that anyone expected me to break up a fight between two men twice my size is a bit ridiculous, but the fact that I successfully broke them apart is a full-on miracle. I can say this much. Today’s activities were certainly more entertaining than yesterdays. I’ve never been a huge fan of having to cover any store on Black Friday. How was everyone else’s day?

That... sounds insane. My day was less eventful than that, but I think it’s safe to say most people’s day was less eventful than that. Did they at least end up calming down?

[ourtown-rp-blog]

ABOUT THE CHARACTER ➝

NAME ●●● Jocelyn Eileen Chang

AGE ●●● 24

PRONOUNS ●●● She/Her

BIRTHDAY ●●● 12/01

ORDER ●●● Second (Solo)

FROM ●●● Cotton Plant, Arkansas

SEXUALITY ●●● Asexual/Panromantic

STUDENT ●●● College Masters, History

PART TIME JOB ●●● Front Desk at Princess Hotel/Ballet Instructor at Allegro Dance Studio

WRITER ●●● Magnolia

↳ A CLOSER LOOK:

Growing up in a town like Cotton Plant, it was easy to see how a family like the Chang family wasn’t one you’d expect to see. Arkansas isn’t exactly known for its bustling Asian population after all, and in a town as small as theirs, Jocelyn learned pretty quickly that her culture and skin were something that set her apart from most of her classmates. Her family was also something that made her feel different from majority of other kids her age — they were by no means rich, but her family was reasonably well off compared to Cotton Plant standards. Her father worked as a doctor at the hospital just outside of town, allowing her family to live fairly comfortably. In fact, Jocelyn remembers waking up numerous times to the sounds of her parents hushed whispering downstairs. Dr. Michael Chang made enough money for them to live somewhere else, and he had an impressive enough background that he could have easily gotten hired at a hospital somewhere else. A town with better schools, more stable job opportunities for when the kids were older… He didn’t understand why his wife insisted on staying, but Jocelyn always listened to her mother’s arguments, perched atop of the staircase while her parents assumed their children were sleeping: this was their home. It was where both sets of her grandparents had settled down after immigrating to the US, and it was the only place that their children knew. While hearing these arguments didn’t exactly leave Jocelyn with a love for her hometown, it did ingrain in her the importance of family — something she’s carried with her throughout the years.

Ever since she was a little girl, Jocelyn has had a borderline unhealthy obsession with being perfect. She would spend hours getting ready whenever she could, making sure not a single hair was out of place and there wasn’t a wrinkle to be seen on her clothes. A huge portion of that can be attributed to her father, who would constantly tell her that appearance and how others perceive you is of the utmost importance if you want to be taken seriously in life. In Jocelyn’s young mind, this extended to almost every aspect of her life. If she wanted to do well, she would have to be as close to flawless as possible. Nobody liked a lazy slob, after all. It’s something she’s carried with her to this day, giving her a focused and almost rigid perspective in virtually everything about her. She doesn’t expect the same standards of people around her of course, but for herself, she doesn’t believe there’s any such thing as being good enough.

Her mother enrolled her in ballet classes at a nearby community center when Jocelyn was four, and Jocelyn considers that to be one of the defining moments of her life. Her mother had been a dancer in her youth, but time and family pressure had quickly taken over, leading to her giving up that career goal. Not Jocelyn, though. Although she’s experimented in teaching herself a few other styles over time, she’ll always consider ballet to be her first love. She even credits ballet as the reason she’s so close to her mother, thinking of Julia to be her rock and one of her best friends even now that Jocelyn is grown. Her relationship with her father, however, has mostly consisted of Jocelyn doing everything she could think of to please him, and yet somehow rarely giving and doing enough to earn the acknowledgment and praise she wanted from him. She tries to understand. It isn’t that her father doesn’t love her; there are just certain expectations for her, some that Jocelyn knew she could meet and some that she couldn’t. Her tendency is to dwell on the latter.

[TRIGGERS for self harm and depression] Jocelyn began experiencing depressive episodes when she was 12, and took up self-harming in an attempt to cope, all while feeling the mounting pressure (a good portion of which was self-induced) to be absolutely, positively perfect. True to her nature, Jocelyn managed to convince herself over the years that she had complete control over it, though in reality it eventually came to the point where she wouldn’t wear shorts or a bathing suit in public out of fear, thanks to most of the harm being on her stomach and thighs. She carried the habit with her until she was sixteen, when a concerned friend discovered her secret and informed her parents. Jocelyn promptly cut off all contact with the friend, though that did nothing to stop her from being forced to get ‘help’ as her parents called it. Her father made enough money to put his daughter into an inpatient program for a few weeks that summer, though not before letting it be known that she’d disappointed him. Jocelyn just considered it to be one more failure to chalk up in the book that was her life. To this day, she tries to keep the depressive episodes to herself, though she does consider herself to be in recovery from her self-harm.

Although never stated out loud, Jocelyn can’t help but feel some responsibility for her parents separating. What Jocelyn does know is that when she was 18, her father told her and her siblings that he would be moving out, and that him and their mother were no longer together. It wasn’t exactly a secret in town that the Changs had split, it wasn’t even a secret in their extended family. Neither of her parents wanted to be the one to actually mention the word “divorce” though, much less file for it. It made sense: they’d been unhappy for a number of years, and over time they hushed conversations they’d had in the middle of the night had turned into very obvious arguments about their home, their town, what they expected of their children… Jocelyn vividly remembers one point where her father chided her mother for allowing her to continue with ballet when it was a waste of money. She knows that it was for the best that her parents separated, but a part of Jocelyn knows that her mental health and habits had taken their toll on them as well. Nowadays, she doesn’t speak to her father much - a phone call on his birthday and Christmas, but a part of her can’t face the idea of him looking at her with disappointment again.

She graduated high school as salutatorian and earned herself a rather impressive scholarship to help pay for college. Although she still loved dance with every ounce of her being, her decision not to pursue it ultimately came down to not wanting to face the possibility of being unsuited for it as a career. Instead, she chose to study history, something she considers to be both safe and interesting in terms of learning. Graduating from college came with honors of the summa cum laude variety, and Jocelyn opted to take some time off to save up enough money for graduate school. She stumbled upon Adagio Dance Studio completely by accident during her job search, but found it to be a saving grace. She could study something that wouldn’t be a complete waste in her mind, while also having a job that taught others what she loved.

Jocelyn has recently been accepted into Arkansas College’s history master’s program, a degree that she’s not quite sure what she’ll do with but one that still feels safe enough. Only being able to go part-time isn’t exactly ideal, but she knows enough to realize that finances have to be her top priority at the moment. The opening of the Princess Hotel gave her a second job, and while her current home is practically the dictionary definition of “shoebox apartment”,  she’s content to do what she’s been trying to do for years: keep her head above the water, and try to be someone that her younger self would be proud of.

[changjocelyn-blog]

josiekarofsky:

This is why you’re my favorite, Jojo. It’s mostly just debris, and you would be a complete doll if you helped me and also you should expect gifts in the very near future.

No gifts needed, please. Just give me a date and time, and I’ll make sure to be there with gloves. I can’t promise we’ll get it all taken care of, but it’ll be enough so you don’t have to go looking for another, more inferior trail.

[changjocelyn-blog]

gingermotta:

If anyone is currently in need of anything– food, water, shelter, candles, an insurance agent, or any other kind of help other than the aforementioned, please message me or stop by Bubbly’s pop up relief shelter in the town square. If any small businesses suffered damages, or loss of records, or anything else, I will personally be more than willing to step in and assist. We, and I’m sure I speak for the entire Motta family, including my sisters and my father when I say this, are more than happy to help. 

Everyone I know seems to have gotten off damage free, but that’s really generous of you to offer. Is it okay if I pass word along to anyone I hear about who might need it, though?

[changjocelyn-blog]

artistkennethhums:

Since the storm delayed my time for working on my online art gallery I’m going to just work on it until the new year. If anyone wants me to draw or paint something for a present let me know. 

This is probably a testament to how little I know about websites, but why is it going to take you so long to put it together after the week delay? I don’t mean for that to come through as rude, I’m genuinely wondering.