Sometime Around Midnight...

B//Slytherin //Pisces// INFP//

[chaos-musing]

[chaos-musing]

[chaos-musing]

[genesisthreetwenty]

it is november again which means i am feeling nothing and i am feeling everything

[toiich]

Blue (1993), dir. Derek Jarman

[chaos-musing]

[chaos-musing]

[chaos-musing]

[life-spire]

[chaos-musing]

[chaos-musing]

I think about that little girl a lot. The one who stayed up all night holding her mom’s license, crying, scared that she would never come home. The one who was already so concerned about being a burden that she wouldn’t even wake her older sister upstairs.

Some nights I wake up still as her.

[chaos-musing]

[chaos-musing]

[chaos-musing]

[chaos-musing]

[incognito-melancholia]

that daughterhood feeling of wanting to blame your mother for how you turned out, wanting to be angry at her for how you've inherited her pain and her insecurities, but at the same time wanting to keep coming home to her, out of everyone else in the universe, because you know that if there's anyone who might be anything like you-if there's anyone who might even have a clue of what it's like to be you-it could only be her. and no matter how many times you've hurt each other, no matter how difficult it might be to get her to truly see you, you still just want her to love you as you are, to tell you that this isn't your fault, and to show you that she would keep. letting you come home to her.

[stricatul]

no one talks about how hard it is when your mood is constantly switching between "its okay, i don't care. i'm fine" and "i don't know how much more i can take"