Chaos & a Dream

When everything's made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am

[chaosandadream]

[vexheart]

[needtotalkilllisten]

[chaosandadream]

Nightmares to New Beginnings - a 4 year grief journey

July 2025

I swear this year I'm really better. I have more peace inside myself and I'm not a wreck. My eyes still burn from tears forming behind my eyes knowing it is the 4th year since I lost one of my best friends, my little brother. I still cry every July, but this time it just feels bittersweet like I know he'd really want me to be happy by now and I'm kind of late to life and living fully again. I know I have been lost in a dark hole inside myself for too long, and it really is my time to shine again.

Lately, I've been studying the concept of reincarnation and thinking more about that. I can start living like I'm whole again, like their spirit really is reborn amongst all the living people they have been connected to. Death is an illusion if our spirits are eternal. I think maybe, under the divine law of "as within, so without," as I carry him in my heart always, that maybe I will meet them again in another person in this life. Maybe there is a future of hope and happiness beyond this dark period and there are new true friendships and people I'm meant to meet on my personal soul journey through life.

Or I'm just doing fine, and the nightmare is over and life does go on.

[somewordsarebiggerthanothers]

[perfectday1972]

via schulzmuseum

[maggiecheung]

Mikey Madison as Ani in Anora (2024) dir. Sean Baker

[cinematicjourney]

Serendipity (2001) dir. Peter Chelsom

[chaosandadream]

Fave 🥺

[therandomestwriter]

You know the Greeks didn't write obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: “Did he have passion?”

-Serendipity, 2001

[chaosandadream]

Silent streets.

Sirens passing empty trees.

Did you think that they’d come for me?

Did you know that I’d perceive,

If you were the one that came to see,

The brightest light on this dark street.

I wonder if you thought of me

when you drove by these trees that see

Everything, but they cannot speak.

And if they could, they would say

There’s a girl staring up at me, past the

branches into the deep,

Invisible world that no one sees, but only

exists in hopes and dreams,

That you were the one behind the scenes,

Flashing lights of red at me.

-Chaos & a Dream

1/5/25❤️

[pinolitas]

real

[quotesthatstayedwithme]

[poet4days]

[remanence-of-love]

[feelingsoftheday]

My toxic trait is I overthink and break my own heart.

[chaosandadream]

Happy birthday to my best friend- in heaven.

Like the saying 'you can’t touch the same river twice,' our spiritual collision cannot be undone. 

You have transcended the physical plane, but we are still always together. 

You exist in the invisible fabric of my reality, the pause before I answer, the second glance, the extra minute of consideration, the extra ounce of courage and the bravery to believe. 

I miss you, I love you, I carry you with me always. I wish you all the peace and love in the universe.

[ruhlare]

i think deciding to love someone continually is like reading the same book again, but each time finding a different line that hits deep and makes you think about something you didn't realize before. and you decide to read it again and again, knowing you'll never get enough of it, knowing you'll always find something new about them to love.