Chaotic Ramblings of an Overly Crowded Mind

[tvneon]

[chaotic-inside]

Does anyone know of a pair of headphones that are comparable to the early 2000's headphones? I would like to be able to drown out my thoughts to the point of angry bliss. I don't know if anyone else understands what this need is, but I'm desperate at this point. All the headphones now day seems to be more concerned about my ability to hear after using them, but I'm okay with fucking my hearing up somemore. I'm okay with other people being able to hear my music, as if they can hear it, they should (hopefully) understand my need to be left the hell alone. Obviously, I'm not able to hold space for them at that moment. I'm not okay withcontinuouslyy buying disappointing headphones that don't fill my needs. Any help is appreciated!

[thexspiral-deactivated20240810]

Parts of PTSD that no one talks about

Not knowing who to be angry at.

Being angry with yourself for letting it happen even if there was no way to stop it.

Crying and not knowing why.

Flashbacks where nothing bad is happening but it feels bad.

Denying that it ever even happened because your brain doesn't want to process it.

Wanting to go back to it so it feels "bad enough."

Intentionally triggering yourself to feel like your suffering is real.

Being angry all the time at every little thing.

Getting triggered by minor things and then being treated poorly because of your reaction to said trigger.

Hating change.

Being scared to sleep because you know you'll have nightmares.

Struggling to find hobbies that you enjoy.

Feeling like you're barely human.

Struggling to be positive about anything at all.

Feeling like you may be manipulating people around you into liking you.

Feeling like no one believes you because you barely even believe yourself.

Treating your past self as a "dead" version of you and feeling like a completely different person.

Being tired all the time, both physically and mentally.

Feeling like if you talk about it, your safety will be at risk.

Feeling the need to hide your trauma from everyone, including professionals there to help them.

Being paranoid everyone is going to hurt you.

Being physically incapable of talking about it.

Feeling like you're stuck reliving your trauma.

Having to skip classes or work days because of flashbacks.

Mourning your past self.

Wanting to hurt others so they feel what you feel.

Wondering why it had to be you and it wasn't someone else.

Chronic pain.

Clinging to "safe people."

Not being able to find a solid sense of identity.

Forcing yourself to be around people who trigger you for the sake of politeness.

[chaotic-inside]

I have never been so jealous of my dog as I am right now.

[nondualreality]

“After silence, that which comes nearest to expressing the inexpressible is music.”

—

[purplebuddhaquotes]

“There are far too many silent sufferers. Not because they don’t yearn to reach out, but because they’ve tried and found no one who cares.”

—

[purplebuddhaquotes]

“It’s a slow process, but quitting won’t speed it up.”

—

[metapianycist]

“It’s only a trigger if it causes horrible flashbacks” is so utterly divorced from how the concept of a trigger is used by actual real therapists

a thing doesn’t have to cause traditional flashbacks to be a trigger. a trigger can be a thing that causes:

- panic attacks - emotional flashbacks* - anxiety episodes - paranoia/delusions - hallucinations - seizures - rage episodes - manic episodes - depression spikes - suicidal thoughts - dissociative episodes - sensory overload - obsessions and compulsions (as in OCD)

and probably more things than that, i don’t know all the possible things. I’m not trained in clinical psychology, but neither are all the assholes who say “It’s not a real trigger unless it gives you flashbacks”

* an emotional flashback is a type of flashback where you feel the emotions associated with the trauma happening to you while still on some level knowing that the trauma isn’t currently happening to you. this is a more common type of flashback than the traditional kind.

tl;dr the word trigger in clinical psychology (the field of therapists) can refer to many things other than traditional flashbacks. stop telling ppl “that’s not a trigger unless it gives you flashbacks,” because you are utterly fucking wrong.

[actuallycptsd]

A trigger, in its most basic sense, is something that provokes a reaction. The reaction can technically be any emotion. We have triggers for happiness. For example, petting my dog triggers happiness in me.

So, anyone who says triggers are only for people with PTSD/Flashbacks, is wrong. Triggers can provoke a variety of emotions and actions, and identifying them is incredibly important for every mental health disorder.

[musingofapoeticsoul]

[headlikeanorange]

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[ubyr-babaj]

rapid switching be like:

[purplebuddhaquotes]

“It’s so difficult to describe depression to someone who’s never been there, because it’s not sadness. I know sadness. Sadness is to cry and to feel. But it’s that cold absence of feeling— that really hollowed-out feeling.”

—

[gaypeopletwitter]

[gaypeopletwitter]

[howjuderolls]

Fictional portrayals of DID are often not accurate! Especially the horror movies.

[extramadness]

[chaotic-inside]

I say this all the time. Makes me sad to think about it..