The Conglomerate

[mydissociativediary]

Digestion is actually really painful but our brains sort of dissociate from it because why would we want to feel that all the time? Therefore everyone else dissociates on a daily basis, therefore I am normal because I dissociate on a daily basis. Change my mind.

[mydissociativediary]

Sometimes I think “yeah, I’m just exaggerating this dissociation thing” but then sometimes I go to pee and I’m still stood there 5 minutes later, pp in hand, just staring straight ahead

[mydissociativediary]

I. AM. SICK. OF. THESE. MOOD. SWINGS

[mydissociativediary]

Random girl I’ve just met: so are you single? 😏

Me, a dissociative system:

[29848939847384-deactivated20250]

hi, if you’re a system with DID or OSDD-1 please consider completing my survey on system terminology. this is for specifically traumagenic systems with DID or OSDD-1. it’ll just ask you a few questions about which terms you use to describe certain things, and what certain terms mean to you :) im working on an online dictionary of system terminology and i want some statistics on how common certain terms are

[mydissociativediary]

Oh yeah, I forgot I was gonna do that whole music thing 😂 got about 3 years worth of work planned out just need to actually make it

[mothurs]

why do you keep deleting your posts after two minutes

I’m not the same person that I was 2 minutes ago 

[clever-and-unique-name]

DID Awareness Day Asks

What is one thing you wish everyone understood about DID?

Are you in therapy? What is your experience with therapy like?

Do you have an inner world? If you do, what is it like?

What is communication like between you and the others? Do you have any particular systems set up to help with communication?

Has any conventional advice for DID ever not worked for you (journaling is unhelpful, can’t visualize an inner world, etc)?

What does “safety” mean for you?

Do you have any introjects? How do you feel about their source? How do they feel about their source?

Do you have any non-human alters?

Is there anything that makes you feel like your experience with DID is “different” than what you see other people with DID talk about?

Who is the most likely to get into a fight (physical or verbal?) Who’s the most likely to try to patch things up afterward?

Does anyone wish they could make big changes to your body’s appearance?

Choose some parts/alters and describe each in 5 words or less.

What does dissociation feel like for you?

How often do you think you switch?

Do any of you experience body dysphoria or dysmorphia?

How many parts/alters do you think you have at this time?

If you have younger parts/alters, what makes them happy or excited?

Do you consider yourselves to be covert or overt about having DID?

Do you experience denial often? How do you react when you experience it?

What grounding methods or skills work best for you? Do different skills work better for different parts/alters?

What does “recovery” mean for you?

[mydissociativediary]

Thought of another way to explain dissociation to people who don’t dissociate and are fans of Doctor Who.

Imagine a person is the Tardis. To the outside viewer, it’s pretty much human sized. Small and very obviously in one physical location. From the inside, it’s actually a bit bigger than the outsiders can see. This is a typical person’s inner world. If the person (or the camera, if you want to go down that route) is in the inner world, and someone knocks at the door, or shouts your name from outside, you can definitely hear it, and it takes next to no time for you to get to the door, open it, and deal with whatever you need to deal with.

As we know, the Tardis is actually much deeper than the viewer ever actually sees (let’s call the unseen parts the unconscious mind to add to the metaphor). Now imagine you’re in a super deep part. Someone knocks at the door. Someone calls your name from the outside. It takes a lot of time and effort to get to the door, if you even heard the person in the first place. And you now have to explain to this other person that you were literally miles away, when from their perspective, you must have only walked two feet, because that’s how deep the outside of the Tardis looks.

A lot of the time, it feels like I’m trapped in one of the deeper places, and I can barely hear people at the door. I can interact with people if I shout loud enough, but it gets tiring a lot. From my perspective, it feels like they are hundreds of feet away, but from theirs, I’m barely one foot away.

[mydissociativediary]

So I’ve just spent the past 5 hours imagining myself explaining abstract psychological concepts to my therapist. It’s now 4am. GO TO FUCKING SLEEP, BRAIN.

[traumaeyed-deactivated20210519]

dissociative identity disorder stuff

because there’s not enough DID content

who’s that in the mirror? that’s not me

people get mad at you for forgetting things a lot

apparently I’m an idiot because I can’t remember information from less than two minutes ago

no, I’m not bipolar

accidentally using “us” or “we” when referring to yourself

trauma? who’s she?

trauma? you remember it all at once

you catch yourself talking in a childish tone

why do I have this thing? I don’t remember buying it

you said I did what? I said what? I acted how? I don’t remember

I don’t remember anything so don’t ask

what’s an identity?

I’m a passenger and my body is a car being driven by unknown forces

horrible headaches

nothing feels real

life is a video game and I’m multiple characters

having recurrent “mood swings”

you can’t remember anything about your childhood

you have random memories pop up out of nowhere that are really intense

[penbrydd]

Your periodic reminder that in people who have been subject to threats and punishment for having emotional responses or ‘inappropriate’ facial expressions, panic attacks look different.

They may look like the person has become calmer and less involved, dismissive, even. Some people become intensely subservient and silent. Some become catatonic.

Panic doesn’t always involve screaming, crying, and obvious signs of distress. It involves an extreme form of the person’s fear response – which can be altered by circumstance, ability, and what they’ve learnt to fear.

Which is to say, it’s not your place to decide someone isn’t having a panic attack, when they’ve told you that’s what’s happening.

[curlyspoonie]

Oh, so that time I just couldn’t move or talk or anything and was basically catatonic was a really thing? Why am I constantly finding out that experiences I’ve had are not just me???

[hollowedskin]

See also: being totally fine until reaching somewhere safe like your car, your house or your room. That also includes seeming totally fine to YOURSELF. The amount of times i’ve been like, oh wow that went better than expected then closed the door and lost my fucking shit while going “but i was fine????”…

it’s a safety thing. you weren’t safe in public to be seen with emotions you could be punished for, and now you are.

[mydissociativediary]

... oh...

[mydissociativediary]

OH MY GOD

I met a man on my 6th birthday who looked kinda like me but older and he gave me advice about my mum (long story, not important). I assumed it was my older brother who left home before I was born, but later on when I was about 18, I told my mum that I’ve met him when I was 6, and she said “no that never happened he’s been abroad since [I] was born and never had any contact with us since”

ONE OF MY ALTERS DREW HIMSELF A FEW WEEKS AGO AND IVE ONLY JUST SEEN IT TODAY AND ITS THE SAME MAN WHAT THE FUCK

[mydissociativediary]

Why do parents not understand the concept of privacy???? Like bro, don’t read through my mail, IT LITERALLY SAYS PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL IN BIG LETTERS ON THE FRONT

[mydissociativediary]

Lirael and Gerald respectively

Lirael rarely takes selfies, so this is a once in a lifetime post folks!

[hurtsystem]

Me: *is slightly stressed*

Brain: dissociate??

Me: ??? C..can we feel a little anxiety before going striaght to dissociation? Can we try and cope with it first? I don’t see how this is helpful-

Brain: no cope, only dissociating

[mydissociativediary]

Therapist: I think you have high functioning depression

Me: Bold of you to assume I’m functioning, Karen