ChaoticEmbrace

Hello wandering soul I am Xerash and welcome. Here you will find this beginner pagans travels into the world of magick, medieval whatnots, and other little things that define me.

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.....YEEEEEESSSSSSSS FINALLY AFTER ALL THIS TIME HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY eris be fucking praised

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Not as easy as I thought

Soooo I decided to get into tarot stuff cuz why not. every guide says choose the deck that speaks to you and won't bore you simple right.....NOPE

I have looked over so far 50 decks based on interests gothic, video game, hr giger, lovecraftian stuff, abstract vector art....and yet I have yet to find a 78 card deck that I feel truly speaks to me

......UGH

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All the contents of my "witch box" so far: a stone mortar and pastel, a deer bone with amythest glues to it, pendulum and one of those pendulum mats, 2 amethysts, in sense holder, a lighter, a small little burny cup, a cord with glass beads that I put together, a sigil guide book and a crown royal bag to hold the small stuff so happy I found the box so I can put the new additions happy happy

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Two more books yay these will come in handy

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hey just lettin ya now if ya want to ask me things i will answer most things are not off limits.....except my sex life....please don’t ask about that

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May the blessing of chaotic gods guide you through your path

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Amythest and more amythest

Is there ever such thing as too much amythest cuz gods damned do I have alot of it

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I am not good at fancy sigil making but it is the most important sigil I have ever made for myself and I think I poured way to much energy into this one to the point of exhaustion but yea

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A close up of my tiny new wand

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A natury trip

So yesterday my wife convinced me to go silver city for their rock and gem show I was like whatevs I did it for her she's been through alot so we go, as soon as we got there the air was crisp and nice for it was raining from deming to silver city so for once I indulged in fresh air and since we were surrounded by forest stuff it was the cleanest air I have ever breathed. So we do all that and then the wife asked if we can go to the gila cliff dwellings I'm like sure why not? let's just say the ride was freaken beautiful trees and such, but due to a fire caused by lightning a lot of the gila national forest had been burnt but still beautiful none the less.It was wierd ever since I bought that deer and amethyst wand nature was always up close like when we went to go pay for the entrance fee a raven was chilling at my car,ravens seemed to be around us alot that day. So we go to the cliff dwelling and the first part of the 1 mile trail was so freaking beautiful trees, rivers, streams, water rolling down the rock edges above us it was alot to take in I would've love to just chill at that area longer then we did but we were pressed for time so we had to hurry but we were greeted by hummingbirds, squirrels even a lizard it seemed every bloody animal wanted to be near us freaking wierd. So after that 1 mile hike which after the forest bit was complete hell to do we ate somewhere and took the road back to silver city proceeded to take the stupidly long way to home highway 152 winding roads trees and such with my wife playing her very little collection of viking pagan music (shes Egyptian based but she likes what she likes) it was a very good day

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A squirrel in these horrible times

Ain't nature awesome never been this close before was taken during the self guided Gila cliff dwellings tour

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One happy person

Ok so I went to silver cities rock and gem show I wasnt really expecting anything of interest BUT THEN I SAW THESE I was like omg I need them the thing on the right is a bone from a deer with Brazilian amythest glued to it I figured why not I need something nature in my mobile alter and this wand was perfect the state had full sized ram horns with quarts and amytthest on it but was too much sadly but I really wanted this walking stick with bells and a hell ton of amethyst on top but 300 dollars is alot for me right now so I settled with what I got it

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A wierd journey

Alright I was in my car listening to what I can only explain as shamanic music there was drums chanting etc,anyway I decided to meditate during one of these songs and holy fuck I was fully visualizing the drummers and there were 3 warriors shirtless painted in war paint around a fire and when a women started making groaning and humming notice the image of an older women dancing around a fire sprinkling bone dust on and around us and then when the bear noises hit (well I interperated it as a bear) there was a huge bear chained to a tree angry growling wanting to kill like it was a rite of passage to kill this bear as a test of strength the images faded when my pandora radio went to an advertisement and even still it took me time to ajust to my normal surrounding I could barely move and I was exhausted really really exhausted it took a whole 2 hours for me to regain normal feeling and control of my body fucking wierd

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Godkin?

Here's what I don't get..these "godkin" people claim they are gods or angels in humans body now normally I wouldn't give a flying wazoo bout this but it confuses me cause even if it's true(lol) here is my gripes why am I talking bout this cuz it is 2:02 in the morning and I'm tired but cant sleep so RAMBLIN TIME.

1. Why are all these so called gods narssisistic assholes I mean really none of yall are nice wtf they be all "worship your true diety" Unless you are eris or my Greek gods forget about it

2. Yall be edgy as shit: seriously "dont trust humans" " humans are shit" "destroy humans" whooo edgy I nearly got a cut from all this edge

3. If yall muthafuddas were actually angels and shit why da flippity flop are you here and not enjoying shit "oh my wings hurt for I cannot.move them" blitch you chose this life deal it

4. No one ain't gunna worship you just cuz you walk to them being all "yo I'm your god worship me" that stuff may work in the bedroom but not in reality

5. If yall were what you say you are...WHY THE FRICK FRACK ARE YOU REVEALING YOUR TRUE NATURE TO DA HUMMIES no God, demigod, angel, demon etc would do that you keep that shit secret yo

6. And this is the important one LEAVE US PAGANS AND WITCHES ALONE WE KNOW WHO WE WORSHIP AND IT AINT YOUR CONCIETED BUTT YA FLIPPEN MUDDATRUCKIN WAZOO WEARIN SKIPPIES

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Is this the end

I am on the on and off idea of deleting this blog or whatever it is called it has served no benefit to the community I myself question if I am a part of so as a last hoorah about me and my questioning of my path here is a lengthy thing judge me as you want but know that it matters not to me

I am a pagan for sure, but a witch I doubt I have all these books I have yet to read I haven't practiced officially just little attempts here and there. Traditional stuff doesn't interest me and for some unknown reason I search for my own personal way of doing things that some may seem blasphemous to the craft...trust.me I have delt with those attacks before to be honest with you all I don't think I am ready..I cant commit to my path even my own twisted version of this lifestyle my mind and soul has created. I am a soul filled with anger and hate where I feel my emotions will blind me and cause me to do stupid things.

I am not wicca I do not follow that belief structure and I have been criticized for it to the point of frustration if I would dare call myself anything its chaotic hellenistic why chaotic because in a sense anything outside the realm of order and tradition is chaotic I forge my own way my own methods even if they are shunned at by most of the community I don't do this to be edgy or skip steps that's not my point, the point is traditional methods dont work for me and my methods I have done give me a sense of connection.

I was brought into paganism funnily enough by a satanist neighbor of my grandmother and by satanist I mean a true believer of Lucifer as a supreme being I ain't going to go into detail, but yea anyway he tried to have me follow his path, but he always seemed to want to wage a war against christianity , laughs at genocide, racism and all round a very hateful person (plus some of his views were wierd as hell not saying satanist are just if you heard this guy talk you would lose a few in the head..for example...gods are aliens...yea...that's a thing) anyway I could not follow his self made hateful ways so I went to do my own thing.

I follow Eris the most, why well it is hard to explain but I shall try without sounding insane probably still will. You see ever since I have learned about her I have wanted more of a connection with her, like how alot of pagan soldiers want to connect to Odin or Ares or similar gods. I felt her guiding me on the path that is right for me now many wouldn't trust a goddess or God of chaos, but those who have been chosen by them have very...interesting lives, anyway Eris was the first goddess I truly prayed and offered to even tried to converse with (mainly just talking)it felt better in ways I could never even hope to describe also before I continue to crazier talk..I am in no way shape or form part of that discordism religion. After that fateful day I always felt her around guiding me to what's right like a mother guiding her child... I am no way shape or form claiming to be a demigod son of Eris I don't have that privilege or that luxury or that level of insanity.

So there is is laid out in the open of my little path to what has been a wierd journey as of now judge criticize I do not care but there we are will I close this account maybe we will see what happens over time

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Well this sucks

Lately since my daughter Lilith was brought into the world I find my spiritual dedication diminished to almost none at all havn't prayed,havn't done any rituals or anything I feel like I have lost all connection to my spiritual self said isn't it sucks cuz I really was hoping to delve into black magick by now sigh

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“hyenas are ugly”

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literally what the hell are you talking about