Charisse Ibay

This is Charisse Ibay's one and only official tumblr. Here you'll find latest updates on the author, by the author.

[charisseibay]

Hi! I'm wondering why you chose your short fiction for your final piece?

Hello! Good question! Although I’m all for challenging yourself and stepping out of your comfort zone, I feel as if short fiction really showcases myself as a writer. I’ve been very interested in fiction pieces long before I took this class and have even written a few drafts of short pieces a couple years ago. It’s quite cool to see how much my writing has changed over the years. I was looking back on some old pieces to add into my portfolio to show my progress and I feel as if my word choices, description and consistent use of literary devices have improved my fiction pieces immensely. My fingers are crossed that I was able to display my abilities in my final piece!

[charisseibay]

Opinions?

I’ve been having trouble describing this certain scene, and I’d love to hear what you guys think the ringing is? (Any other constructive criticism is welcome as well!)

He let out another exasperated sigh. His ears seemed to be more sensitive as time went on. He could hear whispers from a couple on his left. A pencil drop onto the carpet on his right. The shuffling of papers behind him. His ears twitched as the racket took turns thundering in his ears. His fists were curled tightly together as his body stiffened. The sounds whirled around him furiously and brutally. He needed it to end.

Brriiing! Brriiing!

That set him off.

[charisseibay]

If you anyone thought the ringing was not a phone, can you let me know how I can indicate that it was a ringtone instead of a school bell subtly?

[hrhwritings-blog]

The sound that comes to mind when I hear the buzzing or ringing of a phone is “vzzzzzt!” I hope this help!

[charisseibay]

Ah, smart! Thank you for the suggestion!

[charisseibay]

Opinions?

I’ve been having trouble describing this certain scene, and I’d love to hear what you guys think the ringing is? (Any other constructive criticism is welcome as well!)

He let out another exasperated sigh. His ears seemed to be more sensitive as time went on. He could hear whispers from a couple on his left. A pencil drop onto the carpet on his right. The shuffling of papers behind him. His ears twitched as the racket took turns thundering in his ears. His fists were curled tightly together as his body stiffened. The sounds whirled around him furiously and brutally. He needed it to end.

Brriiing! Brriiing!

That set him off.

[charisseibay]

If you anyone thought the ringing was not a phone, can you let me know how I can indicate that it was a ringtone instead of a school bell subtly?

[fayecompositions-blog]

magnum opus

It’s finally here! The release of my newest written work has arrived and I will first share it with you, my dedicated followers. This is a profile that I wrote about my friend’s lifestyle and mindset. I like to think of it as a little reminder to always think positive, because “once you have hit the bottom, there is no where left to go but up.”

 Be sure to leave me some feedback, I would appreciate it so much! 

//y.f

A Look into the Life of Luis A. Diaz Soto

Yumna Fayyaz

 An optimist, an aspiring nurse, and a family man. These are all attributes of Luis A. Diaz Soto. At only 17 years old, Luis is a man with great focus and motivation, and he has no one to thank but the people who surround him. Luis uses the people in his life for inspiration everyday, and tries to embody the good he sees in them. Luis also hopes that pieces of himself are left within the people he meets. Though Luis is shaped by his friends, no one means more to him than his parents. Being immigrants, Luis is proud of his parents for looking out for their family and working hard to bring them to a better state of living. Luis dreams of one day being as strong as his parents are, and to have a big, loving family of his own. Making his parents happy is what Luis says to be his greatest achievement. By getting into his top choice program at Ryerson University for nursing, Luis knows he can eventually repay his parents for all they have done for him.

Keep reading

[charisseibay]

I loved reading this, Yumna! Your writing flows really well and the way you write about Luis’ life is enjoyable. I enjoyed how you mentioned Luis’ struggles as it doesn’t sugarcoat anything. Everyone has things they need to overcome and it’s inspiring to read how Luis continuously overcomes it. Good job!

[charisseibay]

Slam Poetry - Can Your Hear Me?

Here’s the full version of the slam poetry I wrote! I renamed the title from “Inaudible” to “Can Your Hear Me?” as I feel that highlights the piece better.

I’d love to hear some feedback and constructive criticism. I’ve bolded the lines and verses that I feel is awkward and I’d appreciate comments on those.

Every time I try to speak,

My whole world becomes weak.

Keep reading

[avauntitled-blog]

This is so powerful! Really highlights the struggle many people face when trying to share their opinions with others. Thanks for sharing!!

[charisseibay]

Thank you so much for your kind words!

[charisseibay]

Opinions?

I’ve been having trouble describing this certain scene, and I’d love to hear what you guys think the ringing is? (Any other constructive criticism is welcome as well!)

He let out another exasperated sigh. His ears seemed to be more sensitive as time went on. He could hear whispers from a couple on his left. A pencil drop onto the carpet on his right. The shuffling of papers behind him. His ears twitched as the racket took turns thundering in his ears. His fists were curled tightly together as his body stiffened. The sounds whirled around him furiously and brutally. He needed it to end.

Brriiing! Brriiing!

That set him off.

[knclarin-blog]

no.16 magnum opus pt2

HELP! 

I was working on my research for my magnum opus editorial piece and I was debating whether or not to include a paragraph or two about asian-male standards. My first draft which I posted here, was more focused on the asian-female perspective, but I was thinking of broadening my topic.

Let me know what you think! -kn

[charisseibay]

Your first draft is strong and complete as it is. The topic of your editorial is essential in a world and society where Eurocentric beauty standards are the “epitome of beauty”. However, it’d definitely be nice and interesting to see how Asian males feel and how they handle these societal pressures. We do focus a lot about how girls see themselves and often forget that males go through similar experiences as well. Also, I couldn’t help but notice some grammatical errors/inconsistencies - capitalizing “asian” varies quite a bit throughout your piece. Overall, I enjoyed your editorial, and I’d love to read it again if you decide to include Asian-male beauty standards to the mix! 

[writingtilldawn-blog]

I need your help!

1. An ode to Hoop Earrings.  2. My childhood crush.  3. Butter on the walls.  4. My head hurts.  5. A bad day.  6. Who I truly am. 7. Last place, my place.  8. You don’t belong here.  9. Narcism.  10. Only me.  11. Coraline. 12. Why me? 13. You little hypocrite.  14. Born to please. 

Hey guys, for my final task I’m going to make a compilation of poems but, I need some help choosing some poems. From the titles, which ones do you want to hear the most? I’ll post the ones with the most response! 

[charisseibay]

Based on the titles, I’d love to read “Butter on the Walls”, “Only Me” and “You Little Hypocrite”.

[aurora-borealis1999]

A Little Help...

Hello my Deedles, 

I need some help. I have a few ideas for children fiction stories, but I don’t know which one to use? Comment down below, which one you think is an idea I should continue with. 

1. A boy gets his kite stuck up in a tree. He tried many things to get it down. From throwing his cat up (Of course the cat got stuck too) to piling stacks of sticks (which the beavers chewed up) 

2. A bakery that bakes pets, instead of food. So the baker, would mix in ingredients for bread, and put it in the oven. But instead of bread popping out, its a cat. 

3. A boy who’s attempting to bake a cake, but every time he makes a cake, someone gives him a suggestion to change it. So the boy has to keep making cakes that would please everyone. 

[charisseibay]

All these ideas are very cute and you can easily tie in a valuable lesson for younger readers in any idea you decide to go with. However, I love the idea of a bakery that “bakes” pets. The idea is so out there that it’d be hard to imagine a child who wasn’t excited by the thought of it.

[charisseibay]

children’s story character moodboard ››  ISLA

Hello everyone! I thought I’d post a “moodboard” of a character I’m developing for a short children’s story I’m in the process of creating. As we all know, a unique and interesting character is what helps drive the plot forward and what keeps kids curious as to what happens next. The task of creating a character that intrigues our young readers can be daunting, especially if you’re creative juices are running low. But do not fear! With the help of “moodboards” the task can actually be fairly simple and fun!

For those who are unsure of what “moodboards” are, they’re a visual tool that consist of a series of pictures/texts that assist in developing certain concepts and ideas. If you’re a visual person like me, creating a “moodboard” like this can help you connect with your protagonist and really embody who your character truly is. This method doesn’t work for everybody, but I encourage you all to try this out if you’re having trouble piecing together the perfect character for your children’s story. (Keep in mind that pictures in your “moodboard” do not necessarily have to be mentioned in your fiction piece - they’re for your deeper understanding of the character. Have fun with it and don’t overthink it!)

Now, without further ado, I would like to introduce my first character in my children’s fiction, Isla.

- considers herself to be very artistic whether it be taking photos or painting - loves gardening; she tends to her pink flowers and apple orchard whenever she has spare time - always wears stripes and has a watering can on hand - although she’s considered to be an early bird, she does disappear mid-afternoon (when it’s far too hot to garden) to take a well-needed nap - values friendship more than anything in the world - positive (+) character traits: naive, loving & dedicated - negative (-) character traits: stubborn, irrational & clumsy

Although some of the information I provided is unnecessary, the extra information as an author helps understand me what my character would do when faced with a problem. I would love to see you guys try this out and let me know if it helped in any way! I’d also love some feedback on my character (even though it is just a small snippet of who I’m making her out to be).

[forthepplbytheppl-blog]

Is the Law Really, on Your Side?

**This is the beginning of an editorial I started, not sure how I feel about it. Post your opinion about it under my post! Should I keep writing? Should I make it to a new novel? Should I end it now?** I WANT FEEDBACK

You’re at a party on a Friday night, drinking and partying with your friends. As the night goes on, you notice your sobriety is slowly slipping away and you might have had too much to drink, it’s okay, it happens to the best of us. You feel yourself about to get sick and know it’s time for you to go home. Getting ready to walk home, you stumble and trip towards the frame of the door, almost falling, when a boy from your class offers to give you a ride. Thank God, someone here can help you get home safe. Now, too intoxicated to walk, you are being carried to his car, ready to go home and sleep off the night. When you are placed in his car, everything starts to go black and you pass out immediately. Next time you wake up, you are in a hospital bed, being told there is semen DNA all over your face and legs as well as having a blood alcohol level four times the legal limit. The semen found all over you is a perfect match to the “friend” who drove you home, the person you were relying on, the person you trusted and he is immediately arrested.

At this point, the police could have done several things. They could have further interviewed the suspect, gather evidence from his car, talk to any of the other 100 people at the party or interviewed the people that had to carry you to the accused car. They do none of these things, instead they dismiss all charges.

This is exactly what happened to a 16-year old Oklahoma high school student in March of last year.

A judge ruled: “Forcible sodomy cannot occur where a victim is so intoxicated as to be completely unconscious at the time of the sexual act of oral copulation,”

The court’s reasoning was that the statute listed several circumstances that constituted force, but didn’t mention incapacitation due to the victim drinking alcohol. So basically, they found a loop hole. A loop hole that will now set a horrible, long lasting precedence that can affect us all.

The plain meaning of forcible oral includes taking advantage of  a victim who is too intoxicated to consent, but because in the statue it doesn’t specifically say being unconscious, unable to say no, is considered being taken advantage of, the judge was able to dismiss the entire case. This poor girl was completely unconscious, thinking she was on her way home, unable to defend herself when the worst happened. I don’t know about you, but to me, that is a perfect example of being taken advantage of.

The idea that the law would allow rapists to face less or lower charges because the victim was unconscious, claiming that is allowing someone to do whatever they want with your unconscious body is disgusting. The law is there to serve and protect, it’s there for people to rely on and feel safe around but yet it’s doing the opposite. It did not help the victim, it did not protect the victim or serve the victim, instead her rapist was let free. So Is the Law Really on Our Side?

[charisseibay]

Not only was this well-written and really makes the reader empathize with rape victims, it’s a really important topic to shed light on. Rape happens everywhere and most go unreported because of how the law has been handling this. Even further, there seems to be stigma around rape victims and how society reacts to hearing news like this which definitely needs to be dealt with. I think you discussed this issue well, but I’d mention a trigger warning before the editorial as the first paragraph is descriptive and could trigger victims further.

[charisseibay]

Slam Poetry - Can Your Hear Me?

Here’s the full version of the slam poetry I wrote! I renamed the title from “Inaudible” to “Can Your Hear Me?” as I feel that highlights the piece better.

I’d love to hear some feedback and constructive criticism. I’ve bolded the lines and verses that I feel is awkward and I’d appreciate comments on those.

Every time I try to speak,

My whole world becomes weak.

Keep reading

[knclarin-blog]

I really enjoyed reading this Charisse! I really liked the use of symbolism and similes. I feel like it really added the message you’re trying to convey about your personal experience without being too detailed and personal. Personally I like the length of your slam poem too. I don’t have any complaints with it and the lines where you feel they’re awkward weren’t awkward to read at all! Great work! -kn

[charisseibay]

Thanks Kristine! Was it a good balance of being vague and personal? Or do you think I should try and be more personal in order to get my points across better?

[theworldofgege-blog]

Writers Block

Hello, friends. As aspiring writers, many of us become stuck in writer’s block as we try to perfectly word what we want to say next. Does anyone have suggestions on how to overcome this? 

[charisseibay]

Besides the obvious and sitting yourself down and just write, I think a good way to get new ideas is to go out and hang out with friends or read books. Experiencing your life is a good way to inspire your writing!

[charisseibay]

Slam Poetry - Can Your Hear Me?

Here’s the full version of the slam poetry I wrote! I renamed the title from “Inaudible” to “Can Your Hear Me?” as I feel that highlights the piece better.

I’d love to hear some feedback and constructive criticism. I’ve bolded the lines and verses that I feel is awkward and I’d appreciate comments on those.

Every time I try to speak,

My whole world becomes weak.

My voice quivers and sounds broken,

Yet people always tell me I'm outspoken.

I find myself trapped with my own thoughts,

My tongue is caught and my expression is lost.

The words linger inside me, like a butterfly in a jar yearning to escape.

 My heart drops like an anchor, my stomach tangles in a twist

and I wonder why I exist if I'm just on a life-long wait list.

I want to be heard, I want my presence to be known.

 Can you hear me?

 I force the spotlight on me, the light blinding and intrusive.

I speak louder, my voice rigid and powerful.

"It's deafening, you're too loud" you say,

"I feel like we're entering doomsday."

 I see now my options are inadequate as a moderate human being,

I operate and orchestrate against guaranteeing

my health and mental wellness.

Well, Miss,

I'm sorry for being so distant and quiet,

I just know it's easier to be compliant and private.

I question why everyone's shocked about the big bolted lock fastened so tightly.

Rusting and decaying, waiting for the right time to crumble.

It's exhausting and I stumble with words that I mumble.

I can't cope with the trouble as my blood bubbles.

 Can you hear me?

[cristinaboulevardofdreams-blog]

Rainy days are perfect for some indoor reading.

Hello, friends, I have a question for you. 

Do you feel like you need to spend the day indoors taking time for yourself in order to help with writer’s block or writing in general? 

[charisseibay]

Hmm, great question! I think it all depends on how I’m feeling that day. For instance, I would definitely love to take time for myself and usually that works. However, today I feel “caged” and I know if I were to lock myself indoors, I’d feel like I wouldn’t be able to breathe! In that instance, I’d have to experience the outside world for a bit. I also think going out is the perfect way to help with writer’s block because you get to make new memories and find new things to write about!

[charisseibay]

Hey, Charisse haven't talked in a while. How is your writing going? Did you write anything new and exciting? I recently finished up some poetry how about you?

Hi Cristina! My writing’s been going very well! I’m currently in the process of learning how to write nonfiction, but I have tried writing some poetry recently. I’d love to get your feedback on a slam poetry verse I’ve been icky about:

My voice quivers and sounds broken,Yet people always tell me I'm outspoken. I find myself trapped with my own thoughts, My tongue is caught and my expression is lost. The words linger inside me, like a butterfly in a jar yearning to escape.

I hope your poetry has been going well too. Always love hearing from you. x

[cristinaboulevardofdreams-blog]

CHARISSE THIS IS SO GOOD!

I feel what you feel. I know that you are very passionate about what you’re talking about. this is very well written and great structure.  

[charisseibay]

Thanks Cristina! Do you have any tips on how to open yourself up more in order to express yourself authentically? I often feel “blocked up” writing poetry and so I feel like some of my lines are redundant/vague.

[charisseibay]

knclarin replied:

Great snippet! Do you have the full version because I would love to read the rest. I think that it gives me a glimpse of what's going on in your head even though you never really say anything! Your writing really speaks for itself -kn :)

Hi Kristine! Thank you so much. I do have the full version so I’ll be sure to post it soon - I’d love to hear back from you once I do.