So Sober @charlietheharbinger - Tumblr Blog

Cigarette Burns

it could’ve been short-lived but i let the spark of your matchsticks touch the wick of my heart did i burn? did i turn into ashes? i was cremated inside that if you shake me i’ll cough out dusts as were in tables of creaky, empty houses i swear i had to dive from a cliff and let the seas fetch what should be scattered to it

yet here i am someone to puff to all your iniquities adored like a smoke dancing and frolicking in the air i keep forgetting that a person like you is like any other chain smoker seeking a relief and then after leaves their ashtrays behind

are you, are you, too? awake, right now? watching the whole world set itself on fire? how silent, silent we sat by the blaze of the nations chucked as the wood to our pyre embers, embers can't you just see forming the faces of the children who flee let's melt the mallows of the smores - in glee warm by the campfire fueled by plea

#poetry #poem #lit #world

i do think that i sent a wrong message with my body when i was in college. i was 92.6 lbs then at 4′1″. i let people think that it was the real body type i had when little do they know that i had to replace meals by skiving off with just chewing gums to trick my brain that i was ingesting something. i remember those vacant classes on college days when my friends would eat whatever they want and i would just buy ten pieces of mint. the worst paranoiac days were when i never let myself eat more than three spoons of rice for the whole day. i downloaded an app then that recommended 1200 calories intake per day but there were times when i would just settle to 600-800 cal. after those tormenting weeks i let myself have a burrito. that was the only meal i had on that day and yet i cried. because i thought i ate too much.

i was bleeding then in the wrong places. i got so addicted with losing weight it worsened my depression and lead to a more severe case of amenorrhea and developed into polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS).

this year, though, i started eating breakfast and dinner again. i gained 13 lbs. people from my college days keep commenting that i got fat but this time i am less paranoid about my weight. my friends would disagree because i keep asking them if i’m fat but at least this year, i don’t get scared so much of eating bread. i guess that’s a step. i remember confessing then to my best friend that whenever i ingest something starchy, i have this image in my brain that what i had just eaten immediately gets converted into fat. i swear in those moments, in my mind, the fats under my skin are boiling into expansion and i could imagine myself inflating the way Aunt Marge did in Harry Potter. i don’t have that imagery in my mind now anymore.

i didn’t write this just to get people to stop commenting about weight. i don’t care that much about that anymore. but what i do like to point out is that wrong diet could ruin your body, most importantly, your health. it is not important to be conscious about your weight. what you have to be conscious about is your nutrient intake. i got so worried knowing that people could die from being so conscious with their bodies in the wrong way. i am worried that a lot of people - who are right now in the same position that i was - are unknowingly sending themselves into physical and psychological illness. trying to look fit and being fit are two very different things. it is okay to cut weight, but please don’t do as i did that in trying to lose weight has also lost my health.

#body shaming #health

nubbsgalore

gaza by majdi fathi

I won't be that girl preparing meals for you because i will always feel that i don't have to One time, while watching Great Migrations a herd of deer encountered their predators while one of the females was giving birth The freshly bled fawn still got the amniotic sac around its limbs but the mother had to kick him and jerk him to run And i said, if that fawn had the instinct to survive just some few minutes after it had just seen earth Then you won't need me to cook for you Hunger would direct you what to do I won't be that girl feeling sorry because others are feeling sorry about me being alone How could i not heed the warnings of hundred broken people, thousand life-shattering poems, voice of my battered mother I have learned enough and experimented enough about these things. Doesn't anyone get queasy with the filth of emotions The dirty, lingering feeling of missing and wanting and clinging and needing and demanding I won't be that girl strong enough to bear such humdrum cycle of choosing someone everyday for the rest of their lives Compromising health, dreams and potentials For a happiness That'll only be known perhaps to those who are courageous enough to risk to give to sacrifice and to love I won't be that girl I can never be that girl I won't ever be brave enough to be that girl.

#poems #poetry #poem #thouhgts #spilled ink

hindi ko sana gustong sabihin ito pero magpapaalam na agad ako. magpapaalam na ako kasi baka sa isang araw mawala ako bigla. hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta at saan ako makakarating. bigla-bigla na lang akong dinadala ng paa ko kung saan, pinasasakay sa jeep, pinaglalakad, pinag-iintay ng masasakyan muli patungo kung saan. huwag kang mag-alala, hindi nila ako pababayaan. basta ang alam ko lang, may pupuntahan ako at makakadating ako don nang hindi mapapabayaan. ayokong mag-alala ka pero minsan hindi ko na matantsa ang sarili ko. hindi ko na alam kung sino ang nabubunyag ‘pag nagbabalat-kayo ang katawang ito. wala na akong makilala minsan, gumigising ako sa sikat ng araw at sa bagong aparisyong nakayapos sa balikat ko.

maiintindihan ko kung ngayon ay ayaw mo na akong maging kaibigan. unti-unti mo ng nakikita, wala akong pakinabang. mahahatak lang kitang pababa, mauulanan at makikidlatan ang iyong naghihiwagang buhay. kahit kailan wala akong gustong idamay. pero gabi-gabi akong naghuhukay ng mapapaglibingan. ayokong magpatihulog sa kalaliman nito pero lumalalim na magdamag. pipilitin kong hindi madulas, pumirmi sa isang saligan. pipilitin kong hindi traydurin ang umagang nag-iintay.

unti-unti ka ng mawawalan ng pagmamahal sa isang kagaya ko. wag kang malungkot. gusto kong pigilan ka, hawakan ang iyong kamay, gusto kong marinig na hindi mo ako iiwan pero huwag kang papadala. hindi na ako ang nagmamakaawa. lumisan ka ng hindi nag-aalinlangan, may kailangan kang gawin, may mga responsibilidad ka, hindi mo yun pwedeng pabayaan. at ang matino kong katauhan ay hindi papayag na iyon ay iyong iwan para sa napaparam kong mundo.

huwag kang mag-alala. walang magiging samaan ng loob. unti-unti akong naagnas at malilimot na ang mga pighati ng buhay. mawawala na ang mga magugulong sandali. mapapaltan ng kapayapaan. ang akin lamang, wag mo akong kalilimutan. yung akong naging masaya at minahal ka ng lubusan. yung akong naghahandog ng lakas para umabot sa masayang bukas. yung akong kasama mong nagdadasal. yung akong bumabangon kasi umaasa kang makakarating ako.

huwag mo akong kakalimutan. ngunit habang ako pa ito, at may ngiti pa sa mukha ko, ako’y iyong bitawan. at ang mga huling bakas ng saya ang siyang iyo na lang na panghawakan.

the silent gasp you make when you realize you aren’t needed

#feels

twyrines

frej - lord; ruler; norse god of fertility

“he mastered the power of the weather and looked after plants and animals. he was the god of peace and fertility”

1res-1wapocal-2451

Maybe there’s a universe where I’m the right person for you. Where I adore every nice thing you did for me without starting to resent you. A universe where you actually end up with someone who appreciates you. Where no one becomes a doormat. Where both of us can shed our baggage and curiosity and issues. A universe where we’re happy without wondering if that happiness is some messed-up Jenga game ready to topple at the slightest quiver. A universe where we’re comfortable and sure. Where I don’t second guess everything and I’m not afraid of commitment and of the future and of love. Maybe there’s a universe without all the noise in my head and the pride that makes me so fiercely independent and the coldness in my heart that I can turn on and off like a security fence.

Gaby Dunn (via chickboydawako)

i placed my heart beside his only to remember that mine was too broken; and my shards ended up tearing him open

I Forgot to Heal

#poetry #poem #lit #spilled ink #spilled thoughts

toocooltobehipster

To donate £5 to the charity supporting the male victims of domestic abuse, text the message: MKDV46 to 70070

Click here to watch the video

yogaboi

At first I though this was a joke

hypo-thermic

Don’t ignore this Tumblr

kerplunkers-deactivated20200804

Yet they still do even when it’s right in their face.

theouijagirl-deactivated2014062

This reminds me of how a friend of mine was abused by the mother of his child. She was mentally unstable and used to berate him constantly and would smack him in the head all the time. It really pissed me off. Then one night she threw hot coffee in his face and tried to stab him with a screwdriver. The cops hauled him off to jail because she made up a sob story that painted herself as the victim. Once he left her, he stayed with me and it was a nightmare. She stalked him and me. She would drive by my house obsessively at all hours of the day and night (her muffler made a weird sound so I know it was her). She started showing up at my job, showing up at the places I frequented around town, and filling up my voicemail with dead air. The cops were no help. One day she got bold enough to talk her way into my home by conning my elderly grandmother, whom I was taking care of, while I was out. She went in my room and went through my stuff (creepy), then found him napping on the couch and attacked him. My grandmother witnessed the whole thing. He grabbed her by the arms, forced her out the front door, and locked it. The cops were called again. They said they’d go and ‘talk’ to her.

The next day we were watching a movie and there was a knock at the door. The police had come to arrest him. She filed a complaint against him and shown off some bruises on her arms from the altercation that she swore were completely unprovoked. My grandmother saw the whole thing since she was in the living room too and testified on his behalf. He still ended up serving jail time. No one takes male domestic violence victims seriously. They only see males as perpetrators.

laraleecupcake

#standing up for male victims takes NOTHING away from female victims #this isn’t an either/or scenario #you can pursue justice for male victims and still be 100% feminist #safer world for EVERYONE

disneyvillainsforjustice

Please, if you witness abuse, no matter WHO the recipient is, report it. If someone you know if being abused (not just physically - in any way) help them. Connect them to resources. Gender doesn’t matter in this case - no one deserves to be abused. National Domestic Abuse Hotline - Mod Dawes Sr.

Cigarette Burns it could’ve been short-lived but i let the spark of your matchsticks touch the wick of my heart did i burn? did i turn into ashes? i was cremated inside that if you shake me i’ll cough out dusts as were in tables of creaky, empty houses i swear i had to dive from a cliff and let the seas fetch what should be scattered to it yet here i am someone to puff to all your iniquities adored like a smoke dancing and frolicking in the air i keep forgetting that a person like you is like any other chain smoker finding a relief and then after leaves their ashtrays behind

#poetry #poem #poems #spilled ink #smoke #lit #writing