Charming Outlaws @charmingoutlaws - Tumblr Blog

Break Free: Pt. 6

Summary: Sequel to Let’s Pretend. The reader has shut herself off from the world, consumed by her grief for Jax Teller. Alarm bells ring for Tig when she doesn’t appear in Charming for the funeral, and he makes the long ride up to see her, hoping he’ll be able to help her recover again.

Pairing: Tig Trager x Reader

Warnings: Language

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Author’s Note: Well, this is it. No announcement coming at the end of this one. The Other Guy and its many sequels have finally come to an end. I’m not sure whether to be deliriously happy that I finally finished this project or whether to cry because it’s all over! Thank you so so so so so much to everybody that has followed this reader’s story. It has meant the world to me! And I really hope that you like the ending...

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‘You want breakfast?’

You lifted your head at the sound of Tig’s voice, though you remained lost inside it, oblivious to what he was asking until he moved closer and asked again.

‘Hey, baby, I’m frying up some bacon. You want some?’

‘What?’ You blinked dazedly. ‘Oh, no, thank you. I’m fine.’

‘You sure about that?’ Setting the pan to one side, he crossed to the table, folding himself onto the chair beside yours and reaching out to press the back of his hand to your forehead. ‘You’re looking a little peaky, doll. You feeling okay?’

‘I’m fine,’ you said, though you really weren’t. Fear churned in your gut, persistent and nauseating, and the kindness in the outlaw’s eyes as they met yours did little to help. ‘Sorry, I’m just… tired, I guess. I didn’t sleep well.’

‘I know,’ he admitted. ‘Felt you tossing and turning all night. You have a bad dream or something?’

‘Or something.’ You didn’t offer any more information and he didn’t press you, instead climbing to his feet and returning to the stove.

‘Alright, well, I’m good here if you wanna go grab another couple of hours. Might make you feel better.’

‘I’m fine,’ you said again.

You had a feeling that you both knew you were lying.

*****

Things had changed. You could feel it, like a storm brewing in the air, dark clouds gathering above you. What had once felt easy and carefree now felt laden with the potential for death, for loss, for grief. What had once felt safe now felt as if it could shatter you into a thousand tiny pieces. Since Tig’s announcement that he was giving up his place in the club, leaving the town he’d loved for so many years, to be with you, you couldn’t see past what that might mean. You knew, deep down, that it was paranoia and superstition that fuelled your fear, but that didn’t make it any easier to live with.

Opie had loved you.

Jax had loved you.

And now Tig.

But Tig was still breathing, and you wanted so badly for him to stay that way that you couldn’t let yourself relax, couldn’t let yourself love him back as you had with the others. To do so would almost certainly guarantee that he’d leave you, forever, leave this world behind, and you couldn’t bear to think about it, couldn’t stomach the notion that you were the curse that would send him to his end.

It wasn’t only that that bothered you. The most peaceful time of your life had been the years after you’d left the club behind. Away from the outlaw lifestyle, and with the security that came from time passing with no sign of The Collective breathing down your neck, you’d finally let go of the burden of your past. Since you’d lost your parents, it seemed, your life had been a whirlwind of violence and control and death, and for the first time you’d found yourself lost in a haze of serenity. It had ended, suddenly and drastically with one call from Jax, and just like that the club had crashed back into your life, bringing all of its drama and chaos along with it. Though no blood had been spilled in your town, you’d been intensely aware of the risk, the threats that lurked in the shadows, and it had set you on edge, fearing your own complacency as much as the enemies that came with the outlaw life. Though Tig had sworn to step away, he was known by gangs up and down the California coast and further afield, and that chaos lived inside of him. You didn’t fear him, of course not, but you feared the wolves that he could bring to your door, and that, combined with your desperation to avoid the sort of grief that it had nearly killed you to overcome, had turned you into a nervous wreck.

If Tig noticed, he didn’t say anything. Perhaps because he knew that you needed to be left alone to work through this change, to find your own peace with it. Or perhaps because he was afraid of just what outcome would arise from any attempts to talk about what was going on with you. It honestly could have been either, but you were grateful for it. You weren’t sure you could give voice to your feelings without falling apart, and so you soldiered on, made it through each day, buried yourself in your work and tried to ignore the nagging doubts that plagued you.

*****

It was only a week after his announcement that you arrived home to find Tig packing. One week. Seven days. His battered holdall was bursting at the seams as he shoved another shirt inside, holding it down with one hand while the other battled with the zip, and you stayed silent, watching him until the task was complete. And then he turned to you.

‘Hey, baby.’

‘You going somewhere?’

‘Yeah.’ He ducked his head, unwilling or unable to meet your gaze - you weren’t sure which. ‘Yeah, I’m, er- I’m heading back to Charming.’

‘Oh.’ That was all you said. It was all you could say, and apparently that was exactly what he needed to know.

‘You’re not gonna ask me to stay?’

‘I…’ You tailed off. It hurt your heart to see him preparing to leave you, it did. It stung more than you’d thought possible to see him removing his possessions from their homes around your room and you knew their absence would haunt you, but at the same time the knot in your stomach loosened, just a little. ‘You know I love you, Tigger.’

‘I know. And I know what it’s doing to you, me being here. I saw it in your eyes when I told you I wanted to stay and I tried to ignore it, but I can’t do it anymore, doll.’

You took a tentative step towards him, then another, finally sinking down onto the bed, and waiting as he took a seat beside you, reaching for your hand as if it was instinctive, no thought required. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘You don’t have to be.’

‘I do. I feel like I do. You make me so happy, Tig, you do. Having you here has been… I can’t even put into words what it meant to me that you came, what it means that you stayed, that you wanted to stay. But I just… I can’t live like this.’

‘I just- I don’t get what you’re afraid of. I’ve tried to understand it and I just don’t get it.’

‘Every person that I’ve gotten close to in the MC has died, Tig, and they’ve died bloody. Every person in my life that I’ve truly, truly loved… My parents, my brother, Opie, Jax. I don’t want that for you.’

‘But it’s not you, baby, can’t you see that?’

‘I can. Logically, I can. But there’s something in me that’s louder than logic and it is terrified of my past, of anything related to it. Because it’s all just violence and pain and death. I broke free of that when I walked away, and then Jax brought it all crashing down around me again, but it’s just… It’s getting worse and I can’t ignore it. I feel like I’m getting sucked back in.’

He nodded. ‘Alright, I get it.’

‘You do?’

‘I do.’ He exhaled loudly, curls fluttering around his face as he shook his head. ‘Shit, this is one hell of a mess, right? I should never have assumed you’d want this.’

‘But I did. I do.’ God, this was hard. You could see the disappointment in the depths of those crystal blue irises and it hurt like a knife to the gut. Hurting Tig was hurting you but you had to be true to yourself. Besides, he always could read your mind. He still knew you inside and out. ‘Our timing’s just always been off, hasn’t it? Sometimes I wonder, if we’d found each other first... I mean, if it had been you I fell for right from the start instead of Jax, then Ope, then Jax again… It’s not like I’m wishing them away or regretting what we had, but I just… I wonder if it would have been different for us.’

‘It’s something I’ve thought about,’ he confessed. ‘More times than I can count. But it is what it is, right? And it’s too late for us now.’

‘I hate that.’

‘I know.’

You leaned into his side, and he wrapped a strong arm around you, unwavering, steady as he’d always been. He was your rock, your anchor, and you wished that he wasn’t anchoring you to a past that you wanted to escape. You wished it was different, that you could get shut down that voice in your head that promised Tig’s death if you asked him to stay, but you knew from experience that you couldn’t. You had to let him go.

‘So, you’re leaving.’

‘Tonight. Figure I’ll stop off at a motel when it gets dark, hit the road again at dawn.’

You shook your head, lips quirked in a smirk. ‘You know, that’s pretty much exactly what Jax said the last time he walked out of here. I only spoke to him once more after that, before...’

‘Yeah, well this ain’t gonna be that way, baby, okay?’ He levered himself to his feet, tugging you up with him so he could wrap you up in a warm embrace. ‘I’m leaving, yeah, and I’m giving you the space you need, but this doesn’t have to be like it was before. This isn’t goodbye. You can call me whenever, you hear me? You need anything, you just gotta pick up the phone.’

‘Okay.’

‘Yeah?’

‘Yeah, I hear you.’

‘You better promise me, doll.’

‘I promise.’ You pulled back to stare up at him, eyes raking over his features, committing every line, every perfect flaw to memory. ‘I promise I’ll call, okay? I don’t want you to disappear out of my life, Tig. I just… I just need some distance. And so do you, to keep you safe.’

He nodded, and after that, it seemed there was nothing left to say. The last kiss was salty with tears, and you scrubbed them away with the back of your hand as he hovered in the doorway and watched you cry. ‘I’ll text you when I get back, okay?’

‘You better.’

‘Don’t be a stranger, Y/N. I love you, baby, always.’

‘I love you too.’

And, with that, he was gone.

*****

‘You just let him leave?’ Mel was incredulous, mouth hanging open as you nodded slowly, picking at your fries with a disinterested air. As soon as you’d delivered the news, trying to keep it short and sweet without going into detail, she’d dragged you out for lunch, shoving you into a booth and refusing to let you order until you’d started talking. Now, having told her everything, she was staring at you as if you’d lost your mind.

‘Uh huh.’

‘You let him just pack up and walk away? Just like that?’

‘I had to, Mel.’

‘No way! Nuh uh, Y/N, you’re crazy, okay? And I’m your best friend round here, so I have the right to make that judgement.’

You couldn’t help but smile at that, though you disagreed, and you knew she’d see it too, eventually. ‘It was the right thing.’

‘But you loved him!’

‘I did.’

‘And that’s a problem, why, exactly?’

‘Because everybody that I’ve loved that’s caught up with the MC has died, Mel, and I’m talking violent, bloody death. And it nearly destroyed me. You saw me, after Jax. After Ope it was even worse. I can’t let myself go there again.’

‘But Tig was alive, Y/N. He still is! You could be with him right now!’

‘Yeah, I could,’ you agreed. ‘And I could be wondering just how long it might be until he got reeled back in to the drama and the whole outlaw life, and how long it might be until it killed him too. I couldn’t live like that. I left it all behind for a reason.’

‘You’ve got some childhood trauma hidden somewhere deep in there, don’t ya, girl?’

‘You have no idea.’

She scoffed, taking a bite of her burger, and you smiled as your cell buzzed, reaching for it and opening the text that had just come through.

‘So, you’re really okay with this?’ Mel asked after she’d swallowed her mouthful, and you tore your attention away from the response you were tapping out, and fixed her with your most sincere stare.

‘No, I’m not okay with it. But I will be. And besides, I’ve got some pretty kickass angels watching my back. I’m gonna get through this.’

‘How can you know that?’

‘Because I’m free,’ you stated, with a confidence that you were surprised to find you felt right down to your bones. ‘For the first time in a long time, I’m free. I’ve got my job, I’ve got friends to hang out with, I’ve got a place that I love. I’m not running from anything, I’m not hiding who I am. I feel like a weight’s been lifted and I know that, once I stop missing him, I’m gonna be better off for this decision.’

‘What if you don’t stop missing him?’

‘Well, that’s okay too. He’s still my friend, Mel. And he’s alive. That’s all that matters. And so am I. Everything’s gonna be okay.’

You glanced down at your phone, hitting send on the message you’d been typing and setting it back down on the table.

Sucks waking up without you, baby. You moved on yet? Tx

Never. But that’s okay. What about you? Crows glad to have you back? x

You know it, sweetheart. So, how’s it going? Hear anything about the job? Rooting for you… Tx

Charlie says he has a good feeling. He’s already moved my stuff into his office. Having lunch with Mel right now. Life is good, Tigger. I owe you, forever. Y/N x

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Thank you all so so so much for reading, for following this stupidly long saga through to its bitter end. I love you all.

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