I always feel like i need someone but i don’t say it because i don’t want them to see me as a needy person and i want to show them that i don’t need anyone. But when someone’s there, i’ll only push them away. I’m afraid that once i’ll get used with their presence, it might be hard for me to let them go. Maybe the problem is me, i’m always afraid and i always think that people will just leave anytime.
I will no longer be the receiver of your ignorance.
Arra Bayan Love blinds us. Oftentimes, in ways we could barely imagine. There are moments when that feeling of euphoria we get tends to overpower reality and we fail to remember who we are. We continue to lose ourselves in the void of uncertainty and we abandon sight of what we need for what we want. For some, falling in love is as much a risk as it is a reward. And once reaped, the risks would have been worth it. I thought of that, too. With you, every sacrifice I made seemed worthwhile. It was you. The thought of resisting just couldn't cross my mind. But then days passed, and eventually, months. The value I once saw in our potential diminished and faded. I learned the hard way to not fall for potential.
I fell in love with the idea of us, never really seeing the reality of our impossibility.
The first few days I felt optimistic. Months passed and I was hopeful. But then time kept happening, and you continued to keep me waiting. You have to understand—the heart gets tired too. There's only so much pain it can endure and so much hope it can withstand until it decides to give up and no longer persevere. It took a while for my heart to get there, but now, it finally is. Looking back, there weren't even signs. What existed were just made-up thoughts inside my head hoping to break through and come true. I allowed myself to create a fantasy that you prevented from ever happening.
I fell for the make-believe happiness that was you and me.
It's funny how people have all these ideas of love lingering through their minds—a perfect happy ending, a drift off into the sunset, a lifetime of joy and contentment. I stood by you, thinking we'd be able to arrive at that place where we could be together, and prove these ideas right. I waited for you, because every moment seemed perfect when it contained the two of us. I loved you, hoping you'd realize you felt the same way, too. But I set my expectations so high, that I fell down so low. It wasn't even a quick drop—it was one that I had to endure for an awfully long time. And now that I’ve finally reached rock bottom, I realize that I'm finally ready to move on.
It surprised me too. I never really welcomed the possibility of waking up one day and no longer having feelings for you. Loving someone can seem so infinite and promising sometimes; we just couldn’t imagine letting go.I thought to myself, "I've invested so much to just plainly let this go." But I was determined to shake you off. I couldn't stand all these hopes and dreams I had for us just waiting to be plucked out of my head. It was too much of a burden to have them wandering around, when I knew for sure you weren't going to do anything. I wasn't strong enough to make you move, and I surely wasn't worthy to make you love me.
I never really welcomed the possibility of waking up one day and no longer having feelings for you.
I don't solely blame you for everything that's happened though. You see, that's the thing everyone needs to know about loving someone—you can't always point the finger on the other person. We didn't happen, maybe because you weren't the person that I needed. We didn't happen, perhaps because you weren't who I wanted you to be. We didn't happen, maybe because I had all these expectations that you just wouldn't be able to meet. It's useless to chase after an object of your affection when you're just not meant to have it. No matter how strongly and desperately you want something, you will always come across fate, and only fate can decide if you're meant for it. Sometimes it's just fitting to leave things the way they are—untouched and unbothered.
The way I see it now, perhaps it wasn't even love I felt for you. I pushed myself towards you thinking you'd catch my fall. But you didn’t. You watched me pour my weight to the ground. I felt your eyes on me—you wanted to help me get back up. But you didn't, because you were afraid. You were afraid to feel something, and you were afraid to risk some things. I reached my hand out and made you feel that I needed you. I made myself feel that I needed you. But amidst all that, I understood that I was capable of standing up on my own. I was complete with myself, and I could move on with myself.
I ignored the fact that I was losing myself in loving you.
You have to know that these few weeks have not been easy for me to get through. There was a piece of you in the very oxygen I breathed and I’ve been suffocating since you left. You’ve haunted me for days and you are always there, in my 2 a.m. thoughts. I’ve been holding on to the memories of you in order to survive myself from the reality of us, and I hate that. I know that I’ve gotten trapped between reality and my own beliefs; I do believe in fairy tales, in happily ever after, and in dreams coming true, and none of them exist now between you and I.
What hurts the most is to realize that I have fallen in love with the idea of love and the idea of you; not the real you.
I have drowned in your illusions and I have ignored the fact that you were just any other guy.
All this time, I was holding on to something surreal because you were never actually there. I was lying to myself about how familiar you were – in fact, I have never known you at all.
I ignored the fact that I was losing myself in loving you. The journey of loving you was never easy for me; I was too selfless, and I sacrificed my own self-worth just to gain your affection. You played the game so perfectly yet I didn’t realized that my heart was your bet.
Maybe I was too naive to realize that you never really meant the things you said. Maybe the way that you’ve always answered the things I’ve never asked was just a coincidence and all the things I believed as the sign that you were ‘the one’ were just disguises. All this time, you were talking to me with words while I was looking at you with feelings. The truth is you were just a man who can’t love and all I did was fall into your traps and create a false version of you in my mind.
I won’t apologize for being the one who loved the most.
I have been true to myself and to you; I have always meant the things that I’ve said and I know that my feelings toward you were genuine. I am proud that I can be someone who is brave enough to admit the vulnerability of falling in love. I have risked my own heart to be broken and shattered, and I know someday it can be mended.
I hope someday you can feel real love. I hope you can feel the joy, the roller coaster ride, the sadness, and the agony of falling in love. I hope someday you understand why I could be this broken.
I hope someday you can completely feel the pleasure as someone you love gives you sweet little things and every word that she speaks feel like music to your ears. Treat her like she is your queen and never less. Please take care of her the same way you take care of yourself, and don’t ever drop even a single piece of her heart. Always mean what you say and don’t make anybody fall into your charm without any intention to capture their heart.
Promise me that I will be the last person who was drowning in your illusions, because every woman deserves the real love she can hold on forever.
Even though you were just a part of an illusion, thank you for giving me the chance to feel what love was. Thank you for the butterflies, the excitement rush, and thank you for your sweet behaviors that completely fooled me. Thank you for making me realize that this world is not as sweet as the movies and I have to be my own salvation.
You were such a wake up call for me to confront the reality; you were not the Prince, you were the clock that hits midnight as Cinderella ran through the stairs.
Right now, I am letting you and your illusions go.
I will gain myself back as I pick my shattered heart one by one. I promise you that I will be alright, but please understand that I should erase you from the path of my memories because I need to go back to living in reality.
Soon enough, I will feel the warmth of the sun and the genuine love of the people who never leave my side. The universe will reveal the people who really love me for who I am and not for what I will become. They will be the people who make me realize that true love exists and prove that my belief towards happily ever after is real.
I won’t stop being the person who believes in love and I will always be the person who is brave enough to admit the vulnerability of love. You don’t have to worry about me, I will heal.
All I know is I have lost you, but I found the reality of myself.
To whoever reading this,
I hope you had a great day and if not, it’s fine, you can do so much better tomorrow. At least you’ve learned something today. Another had passed and i know it’s so hard for you to cross it but you made it and i am proud of you. Tomorrow is a new day and a new journey. Stand still and don’t ever give up. Life is beautiful.
There is no person in the world who is made to handle every punch that’s thrown at them. We aren’t made that way. In fact, we’re made to get mad, upset, sad, be hurt, stumble and fall. We aren’t suppose to be able to handle everything. But that’s what makes us stronger in the end, by learning from the things that hurt us the most.
More relatable quotes about life here
(via thelovewhisperer)
The worst part in feeling so much pain is you just want to die but it can’t be and all you can do is feel the pain and it feels like it’s killing your insides. And it’s like jumping from a 10th storey building and you end up alive.
I’m sorry but i can’t let you go…
I tried, believe me, i did. I can’t pretend that i’m happy but my heart is in pain. I always think of you and i am missing you and wishing that you were mine again. I still can’t let you go, i still can’t give up on you even though i know you’re no longer mine. I’m still clinging to those last bits of our memories. I am crazy for thinking that you’ll come back to me one day. I can’t let you go now, i’m sorry. Just let me, just let me hold on to you. Just let me love you from a far. One of these days, I’ll completely throw away and forget all these feelings and delete our memories together. I still love you and always will.
I don’t want to let you go, i can’t (via girlbehindthisblog)
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