Hello Mrs Edge. I saw a post from a woman who had some guilt because she was weaning her husband off penetration and I wanted to share my own experience with this for her benefit.
For various reasons my partner had been unable to satisfy me for some time. When it started happening we went round to some of the adult shops and discovered sleeves and extensions, and from there we found chastity cages, and the harnesses and strapons available (I had no idea then it was called foxing and absolutely LOVE the expression!). I admit that I may have been more enamoured of the idea of "no more penetration" than he was 😂 but he wanted to please me, and I found the idea to be erotically intriguing.
I realized that in order to make "no penetration" work I had to condition him to accept it; that is, to retrain his masculine instincts to make him a better partner. It took some time but I found that it worked best to keep "foxing" nights penetration free (for him, of course!). He learned to fox me to my satisfaction (which you have no doubt learned can be absolutely fantastic!), after which he cleaned up and came back to bed to cuddle me off to sleep. Unlocking him was off the table on those nights because I wanted him to learn that foxing nights were for MY pleasure.
While I am excited to make him "penetration free," I am not ready to make him orgasm free, so about once a month I pick an evening to remove his cage so he can have an orgasm and some "intimate touch." Usually I have him rub against my bum with a little cream. As your husband noted in his response, this allows him an orgasm while reminding him that he is not allowed penetration. Sometimes if I feel especially generous, I have him lie back while I use my hands to bring him off. And I admit that I have come to relish telling him that my hand is the best that he can hope for, since he will always be denied my pussy 😈.
I discovered that it was best to have him clean up and replace the cage as soon as his orgasm was finished. For some reason making him lock up when he did not really want to keeps his attention level higher and returns his focus to me more quickly, which is my goal.
We have been doing this since Covid, and even though I now have him well trained, I do know that my "no penetration" regimen has not been easy for him. He wants to please me, but he is still a man so it is hard for him to hold back those urges. Naturally I felt a bit guilty about denying him at first, but as my confidence grew, I discovered that my new sense of power and confidence helped me to lead our relationship to new levels; indeed, we are both much happier than we were in the old days. Like you, I do not think of myself as a dominatrix, but there is no question between us that I have the power and control over my partner. If only our friends knew our secret!
Finally, I want to thank you (and your husband) for all that you do. Until recently, I had no idea that there were other people in a penetration free lifestyle. Like you, we are a totally normal appearing middle aged couple, more South London than Soho, if you know what I mean. A decade ago, had anyone told me that this could work I would have thought them mad. It has been so wonderful to see that there are other "normal" 😂 couples who live this way out of choice, not necessity. 💋🎶 Mistress Melodie
Hello Mistress Melodie! First, thank you for sharing your experience for Mistress Karin and other women who are learning about relationships like ours. And I agree that if someone had told me about this 20 or 30 years ago, I would have told them they were crazy!
While you did not say why you got into this, I like that you took charge and investigated things with your partner. Many of the messages that we get are from couples where the husband introduced it as a kinky thing and now their wife has no idea what to do. It sounds like you both have good communication and are able to talk to each other about what works for you both. Well, more for you, I guess. 😂
You call your relationship "no penetration," but obviously you mean that only for your partner. It's funny but I do not see my own relationship that way... rather, I think of the Ranger Vixskin as my husband's "real" cock now, like a replacement for the old one. And since I can make him come (in his cage, obviously), I really do not think about him lacking in anything. However... I have learned that men think of these things differently 😉. Maybe it's a different thing because you do unlock him for sexual things. My husband has said that sometimes that makes men even more aware of what they are not having.
I think that you bring up a good point about how the improvements in your relationship making it easier to deal with the pangs of guilt. My husband used to tell me that he was doing okay locked up, but it wasn't until I could really see the... improvements in his demeanor and feel how he was definitely happier around me that I could trust myself enough to keep him locked longer (and eventually permanently) and to just let any pangs of guilt float away. It's hard to explain, but I could just sense that he was more happy and content, even if he was having a bad time at work or if things were going on in our lives. Feelings like that give you the confidence to keep going, and having confidence in yourself and in your relationship means that you no longer feel like you "should" unlock him, or let him come, or allow him penetration, or do anything else that you might feel guilty about.
Thanks you again for commenting. If you have a Tumblr account, please message me to say hi and chat.
pixelskylines
stormborns
theartofmadeline
2087
izzy806
