Chattervice

Need advice? I'll dish it out for free.

[chattervice-blog]

Should I move to Los Angeles to be an actor?

Dear Chattervice:  I am just burnt out.  I'm pursuing an acting career here in New York, and I'm surrounded by people I love and who've become my family, but I just feel at a loss. I have gotten to the point where I've thought about quitting and just moving somewhere quieter and getting a "normal" job, and to be quite honest with you, it breaks me to consider that. I feel like I have no clue what else to even try for with my life if it's not trying for acting. It's the only thing in the past 2 years that's brought me such joy, when I'm on stage or working on a film. And I guess that tells me something. I'm reaching out to you because there's always been a desire in my heart to try my luck in LA. But truth is, I'm pretty terrified of it. I think, deep down, my passion lies in film/televison when it comes to acting--I just truly love the honesty that the camera reveals. And I guess moving out there is like me finally facing the question of "can i do this?" and I don't want it to be a lost cause. "What if it's a lost love?" What if....? These are my thoughts... And I know I can't keep living my life in the "what if's" and waking up 20 years from now wishing I'd shared the gifts, if they are what I believe them to be, that God has given. So...I'm writing you hoping for some advice? Wisdom? Encouragement? To be honest, I feel ready as an actress - more ready than ever - but I worry because I don't have an agent or manager. I believe more than ever before that acting is what I am here to do.  It's the only thing that makes me want to get out of bed; it's the only thing that makes me feel alive or needed or purposeful. I know there are SO many actors and actresses, and I can't explain what I feel in my heart, and it's cheesy and cliche, but it is truly the only thing I love. Two friends of mine are going out to LA to try to get auditions for pilot season, meet agents, get a feel for the city, etc. They've asked me to go with them, and I'm so close to saying yes. Should I give this a go??   - Terrified

Dear Terrified:  One of my close friends out here recently compared her acting career to an unhealthy dating relationship: she threw all of herself into this one passion, poured her money, energy and love into it and received nothing in return. Unfortunately, this is the one career track that is as much about luck as talent, but I'm sure you know that. With so many people scrambling for a chance, it just isn't a fair fight. Not to hammer the dating analogy into the ground, but when a male actor friend came to me with the same frustrations, my advice was to treat his acting career the same way he would pursue a girl as a single guy. What girl is turned on by a guy who has no other hobbies or passions, who relies solely on her for happiness, who doesn't have other coals in the fire?   Girls are attracted to independent, happy, confident guys - if the girl has competition, that attraction skyrockets. What I mean is: the best thing you can do for yourself as an actor is not to give up, but to find other things that also fill you up with happiness. That positive energy will feed into your confidence and your career. Not only will it give you interesting talking points at meetings with casting directors/agents but it will also release that self-sabotaging feeling of desperation and negativity. Instead of enrolling in an acting class this year, try volunteering with a charity (the people you meet will inspire you as an artist in ways you never imagined) or learn a new skill (woodworking, painting, a foreign language, photography, gardening). This doesn't mean giving up on acting AT ALL, it just means accepting new experiences in an effort to reclaim control over your career. Control the things you can by creating your own projects and focusing on your personal growth, and release the things you have no control over, such as what a casting director has to say after an audition. In regards to moving to Los Angeles, you should definitely trust your gut. It is an awesome city, but it is not necessarily the right city for everyone. Make sure you move out here with a clear plan of action. Logistically, you should know that pilot season lasts from January to early April.  Casting directors usually scout from May to December and are far too busy to look for new talent once they are knee-deep in pilot season. Agents are the same way - the good ones aren't signing on new talent during pilot season; they are pitching their solid veteran actors who they know will book. Even really talented actors lucky enough to be armed with agents and managers still struggle to land auditions. Chances are, it will take quite a few months to just plant your feet and even longer to network your way into any sort of representation. So if you do move here, plan to stick around long enough to participate in some plays for free, act in student films, enroll in classes, etc. I really hope everything works out for you. I think everybody - myself included - goes through a period of "Is this what I should do with my life?!" As we get older, it starts to feel like we can't reverse our decisions. However, I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and whether you find success as an actor or not, it doesn't mean life won't take you in another cool direction down the road. That's what's so fun about the whole thing.

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I love this article that is currently making rounds on the interwebs.  Hopefully it will shine a new light on your otherwise ordinary day.  Enjoy!

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Dear Chattervice: I have a relationship question. I have been with my girlfriend for a while, and I really love her. She wants me to move in with her, but things have been shakey in the past. I am reluctant. Things between us go so up and down, and for weeks things will be great, but then she'll get in a mood. I can't stand the thought of being without her, but I am scared of being up and down for the rest of my life. I'm ready to start a family, and hate wasting time, but am not ready to break free. Help! -Lost

Dear Lost:  Don't move in with her if you have ANY hesitations AT ALL.  Anything that even remotely bugs you while living apart will only get worse if you live together.  Every relationship has ups and downs, but her mood swings aren't going to disappear just because you live in closer proximity.  Move in with your girlfriend only when you are both ready to elevate your relationship to a deeper and more challenging level.  Resist the urge to take this enormous step just to save a little money or make life slightly more convenient - it's not worth it once you consider the cost and difficulty of an escape route should things not work out.  If she pressures you or gets upset over your cautiousness, consider it a bullet dodged.  

Also, based on the information you provided, I encourage you to objectively evaluate your relationship.  You say you are "not ready to break free" and "can't stand the thought of being without her" and "scared" of making a commitment to this person for the rest of your life.  But you say you are ready to have KIDS?  If you can't stomach the idea of cohabitating with this person, you are definitely not ready to bring children into the world with her.  Take a little pressure off yourself, Lost.  It sounds like you are biding your time in this relationship while waiting for the mother of your hypothetical future children to come along.

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LoveVice: My BFF is dating an abusive douchebag!

Dear Chattervice:  My best friend of 14 years is dating a douche bag who is emotionally and mentally abusive. She was going to break up with him and he has manipulated her into changing her mind. About a year ago, we stopped being friends because he had written me a horribly mean letter. Her family doesn't like him. He has no friends. She lies to him when she meets me for coffee. I don't think I can stand to watch her destroy her life. What do I do?

Sincerely, Pissed Off Dear Pissed:  I totally understand your frustration.  Seeing someone you love in an unhealthy relationship can definitely test your patience, and it can be tempting to give your friend an ultimatum or end your friendship.  What you may not realize, however, is the extent of abuse she endures on a daily basis, and how ditching this loser could be more complicated than you might think.  Abusive partners use many forms of manipulation including threats, insults, guilt, and isolation from friends/family.  Her self-esteem is damaged and this guy has effectively established himself as the center of her world.  When an unpredictable person controls someone's life, it can be terrifying and possibly dangerous to leave.  If he is capable of being mean to you, imagine how he treats your friend behind closed doors.  He might physically hurt your friend or threaten to hurt himself.  He might blackmail, embarrass, or punish her to keep her vulnerable.   You have every right to feel angry at the situation.  But instead of directing that anger towards your friend, reach out to her.  Let her know through your actions and compassion that you love and support her - no matter what - without judgment.  If you turn your back on your best friend, it will only drive her deeper into this abusive relationship.  Remind yourself that the time she spends with you may very well be her refuge from the storm.  Don't allow her boyfriend's rude letter to ruin a 14-year friendship because that is exactly what he wants to happen.  Instead, find hope in knowing that your friendship and strength empower your friend and thus threaten his ability to manipulate.  When she is ready to face her fears, she will leave.  Trust me, she needs you now more than ever.

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Dear Chattervice:  I work as an assistant in the entertainment industry and my boss has two assistants: a personal assistant and an office assistant.  For Christmas, I was given a $100 gift certificate from one of my boss' clients.  It only had my name on it.  Do I split the money with the other assistant?  I do know that she makes more than me to begin with, and I could really use it right now because I am behind on paying my bills.  I keep second guessing myself because what if she finds out?  What is the proper thing to do? 

Sincerely, Jared

Dear Jared:  You are obviously a very thoughtful guy to consider sharing your gift at all.  In this situation, since the gift certificate was written out solely to you, you are not obligated to share it.  Who knows, maybe your fellow assistant DID receive a gift from the same person and simply did not tell you.  Or maybe you created a working relationship with this client and your fellow assistant did not?  My advice is to quietly and graciously accept your gift, write a note of thanks to the client, and pay off your bills.

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Dear Chattervice:  I recently purchased personal training sessions at my local gym. When I signed up, the manager told me there is a money back guarantee if you are not satisfied. I've done 2 out of the 3 sessions.  The first one was fine, and besides not being the most amazing thing, it was great.  The trainer didn't show up for the second session. 

I get it, everyone makes a mistake the every once in a while. I was going to let it slide, and we rescheduled our second session. When I got to the second session, the trainer thought it was half an hour LATER than what I thought it was. At this point I was thinking maybe I made a mistake and let it slide.  Now the trainer didn't even acknowledge that he missed the last session and even sort of personally attacked me saying I'm the one who messed up his schedule by scheduling on the half hours instead of the hours.  When I scheduled a third session on a Wednesday, I got a call from the trainer on TUESDAY saying he's at the gym and where am I? 

Now, I'm an assistant and schedule appointments for a living and I realize I could have made one out of these three mistakes, but don't think I did.  I don't even want the third session now.  Am I being bitchy if I call the manager and ask for my money back? Signed, Frustrated

Dear Frustrated:  Yes, you should definitely call the manager and express your frustration.  Because you are the unsatisfied customer, the appropriate response from the manager would be to amend the situation.  Since you already had two sessions, you should request a new, more reliable trainer and negotiate one more session to make up for all the frustration on your front.  That way, you get to experience the new trainer for more than one lesson, the gym doesn't lose a client, and everybody wins.  Be strong and hold your ground, Frustrated.  If the gym refuses your offer, insist on a full refund and write some negative reviews on Yelp to prevent others from making the same mistake.

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Dear Chattervice:  I recently got into a little trouble with the law. As part of my sentence I am required to perform community service and was instructed to wear work boots. I bought the pair of boots and am bummed out because besides 10 days of collecting litter along the L.A. River, I have no other use for this footwear. I hate not putting a nice pair of "Timberland" style shoes to good fashion use, but have only seen it done by African American gentleman in hip-hop music videos. Unfortunately, I am very white. Any fashion ideas on how to incorporate my fresh new "kicks" into my wardrobe without having to start a rap career? Sincerely, Looks Bad in Boots

Dear LBiB:  There are three ways to go about this unfortunate fashion pickle, LBiB, but first I must commend you for realizing that just because you were nabbed by the real police doesn't mean you should be targeted by the fashion police.  Here are some ideas that work for both genders...

First, try wearing them ironically.  Pair them with tucked in or slightly rolled up skinny jeans and a vintage tee, and accessorize with something simple like a messenger bag.  Perhaps you could even switch out the boring laces and replace them with laces that feature dinosaurs or neon colors?  With this look, you need to embrace your inner-hipster confidence and own it so that people will think you know something that they don't.  Fashion always recycles itself so before you know it, these boots just might be back in style.

You could also just embrace the prisoner/blue-collar vibe entirely and pair the boots with a mechanic-inspired jumpsuit or dress that buttons down the front.  For the ladies, add a belt to show off your figure.

If you lack the confidence to rock these boots with pride and also loathe the blue collar idea, try selling them on Ebay or Craigslist and use that money towards shoes that better suit your personality.  Or when Halloween rolls around, dress like a construction worker with your Timberland knock-offs, jean shorts and a hard hat.  Lastly, if nobody buys them off you, donate your kicks to Goodwill and earn good karma points.

[chattervice-blog]

CareerVice: How do I land the job?

Dear Chattervice:  I feel like I'm on a wild goose chase! I've recently graduated from college and have been going on TONS of job interviews.  Problem is, every person I meet with, hands me off to someone else. I feel like I'm getting the run around. How do I turn these meetings into an actual job offer?  - Not Yet Employed Dear Not Yet Employed:  Congrats on securing so many interviews!  You are obviously on the right track and making productive choices to make it to that level.  While I don't know specifically why you are having trouble landing these jobs, I do have some suggestions for rocking your interview. -  First, own your time with your interviewer.  Be punctual, dress professionally, stand up straight, look people in the eye, and present yourself with confidence.  -  Remember that you are also interviewing the company.  Do your research and know specifically what talents/skills/experience you have that will benefit them and why this particular place is the right match for you.  Have some specific questions prepared in advance that show your passion and interest.  -  Connect directly with the person you will be working under.  This could be as simple as sending an email requesting an interview directly to "the boss" rather than starting your job search with HR.  "The boss" may refer you to HR, but if you can get their support and/or interest in advance, it may expedite the pre-interview process. -  Be yourself.  Have a sense of humor and allow them to see that you are normal and reliable.  If you have outside interests/hobbies/talents that make you unique, mention them!  You may have things in common with your interviewer, and these are often the details that make you memorable. -  Before you leave the interview, be sure to confidently state that you really want the position and ask when they are making their decision.  -  Immediately follow up afterwards with a handwritten thank you card that reinforces what you discussed in your meeting. -  If possible, have one or two past employers call or email on your behalf.  If you have ANY connections to that company or person, now is the time to ask them to help you get the job.  These references show that you have positive relationships in that field of work and will help keep you in the mix. -  If you don't hear back, politely follow up.  Be aggressive, but not a crazy stalker.  -  If you do not get the job, fear not.  They may consider you for job openings in the future or know of other positions elsewhere, so keep in touch occasionally and stay positive! Good luck!

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Yo Chattervice:  I have what many of my co-workers view as a problem - an addiction to burritos. I could eat them everyday and, as they have observed, and have actually gone week-plus stretches of consecutive Chipotle lunches. This 'problem' is not limited to the burritos in golden foil either - taco trucks, mom & pop restaurants and, of course, divy stands as well. I think it has something to do with an underlying love of tortillas and hot sauces. Am I a freak? - signed Potential Burrito Freak. Dear PBF:  No shame, my friend.  You are not alone in your burrito fanaticism so wave your freak flag high and proud.  Remember to balance your high-calorie Mexican meals with lots of exercise so that your health doesn't suffer as a result of your burning burrito love. 

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LoveVice: Will he ditch his girlfriend for me?

Dearest Chattervice: I need some love advice. I met a guy randomly in a store who is completely my type. We exchanged info and have been hanging out on and off for a few weeks. Everything is great except for one small detail - he has a girlfriend. He says he wants out and that he is really into me, but is having a hard time "pulling the trigger" because they've been together since early college and live together. So, while he knows she isn't a good fit for him moving forward, he oscillates between being complacent with his comfortable, but hum-drum love situation and being motivated to run to my arms. What should I do here? Is waiting stupid? - Confused with a Crush

Dear Confused: Don't wait around for this dude. If a guy genuinely wanted to be with you, he would show you with his actions by breaking up with his girlfriend. Do you really want to be with a guy who thinks it is acceptable to hang out with random girls behind his girlfriend's back? If he actually does find the courage to leave his girlfriend for you, he will treat you with the same lack of respect. You lose them the way you find them, Confused. Have a little self-respect and move on.

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L.A.Vice: Searching for a speakeasy...

Dear Chattervice: My 22-year-old cousin is coming to visit me from Chicago and LOVES the HBO show Boardwalk Empire. I want to take her to a "speakeasy" kind of place but have no clue if anything like that exists in Los Angeles? Do you have any ideas?!!!!!!! Thanks, Needing To Impress

Dear Needing To Impress: Take your cousin to La Descarga (http://www.ladescargala.com) for that hip, underground vibe. This small Cuban rum bar requires a reservation and upholds a strict upscale dress code, but promises a memorable evening of live music, sexy dancers and delicious drink concoctions. To enter, you follow a shady staircase up to a bland-looking office where a host reveals the secret entrance to a lively, glamorous bar accessible only by a metal spiral staircase. Tucked away in the back, you will find cigar bar and smoking patio. Drinks tend to range on the expensive side, but won't disappoint in presentation and taste. Every hour on the hour, expect to see impressive live entertainment whether it be groovy music, professional salsa dancers or a burlesque show. Have fun, and be safe!

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LifeVice: Help! I'm torn between two friends!

Hey Chattervice: I have 2 friends that were in a relationship and recently split! They are both amazing and huge figures in my life... I'm getting ready to have a birthday celebration...but I feel like I can't invite both of them because they've been keeping serious distance between themselves since they split...which is totally understandable. I'm torn because I don't want either to feel as though I don't want them there...but at the same time...I feel like I have to choose... HELP!?!?! Sincerely, Friends With Both

Dear Friends With Both: If you met one friend through the other in the context of their romantic relationship, your loyalty should remain with the original friend who introduced you to the other person. Out of respect, you should avoid hanging out with your friend's ex-boyfriends/girlfriends. That being said, if you truly are equal friends with both people, you should invite both of them. Be sure to let each person know that their ex is also invited so there aren't any surprises. Their relationship with one another is outside of you, so leave it up to them to decide if they are comfortable celebrating your birthday in the company of an ex. However, don't take it personally if one or both decide not to show on account of the situation, but feel free to hope that they put your friendship above themselves on your special day.

[chattervice-blog]

LifeVice: My roommate's dishes stink up my life!

Dear Chattervice: I think my roommate is framing me for leaving dirty dishes in the sink when in fact, she's the one leaving the dishes. However, the situation is that our third roommate is the owner of the condo that we live in and having a third roommate helps her pay the bills. I feel like I can't bring the situation up in fear that I will be the one that seems petty and conniving. My gut instinct is to just leave it alone and hope that the third roommate will see that I'm the one DOING the dishes. The truth will come out? What should I do? Signed, The Clean One

Dear Clean One: When it comes to living situations, being upfront will save you tons of grief in the long run because these are people you must interact with on a daily basis. Cleaning up after a messy roommate all the time will only enable her, frustrate you more, and lead to passive aggressive tension in the house. In fact, your messy roommate may not even realize that the dirty dishes left in the sink bother you at all. Instead of blowing this situation out of proportion into a conspiracy theory, try casually confronting her with a quick heads up and let her know how you feel. Chances are, if she's a normal, understanding human being, she'll correct the error of her ways. If she freaks out, perhaps it's time to find a new living situation.