A plea to all things Holy...
I am so disappointed with myself right now I donāt even know if Iām doing the right thing in my life right now.
āLord, is this really for me?ā
āDo I really have a future in law school?ā
āLord, is lawyering really for me?ā
āI want this, but sometimes Iām not sure if Iām happy with it.ā
āShould I just give up?ā
āIs it too late for me to go back?ā
So many thoughts are running through my mind right now. I am just so disappointed and frustrated right now. I am really lost and I donāt know if Iām at the right path at this point of my life. I feel so pressured.Ā
It pains me to realize sometimes that I havenāt even achieved something to be proud of in my life. Iām already a 26 year old who still lives with her parents. I have no stable job. Yet here I am, still trying to push my self to the limit in law school. I want to love the law but I already have so many traumas with it.
The law now scares me. I like studying it but why does it feel like it does not like me back? Iām already a third year student. I have been through this for two years already and I donāt know why is it so hard this time.
Why is it that of all the subjects I enrolled this sem, Taxation is my most dreaded subject? Like I like that I am studying it right now. I enjoy all the accounting related matters but why is it so hard on me? I donāt know if it is just because of my Professor.
I really wanted to look up at my Prof because I have been dreaming of becoming like her someday ever since college. But Lord, why? Why is she so hard on us? Why do I get the feeling that she likes us to fail? That I donāt even have a future in Taxation.
Years ago, after the CPALE, I was so glad that I got a good grade in BLT. I always fear Taxation but I did not expect it to be like this. Bakit parang nasa BAR na kami? Lord, bakit puro BAR nalang naririnig ko sa Prof ko? Why is her approach like this? It is so scary. Sheās too perfect and it is so hard to please her, Lord. What scares me the most is she is our Dean.
I have nothing against her. I really wanted to like her and look up to her, but why is she like this, Lord? Bakit po ganito ang epekto nya sakin, sa amin? Iām starting to develop a fear of her. Sheās so scary now that I donāt know how will I enjoy her subject.
Please, Lord, please enlighten her mind. Please give us the strength to deal with her this finals. I donāt know how will I survive finals. But please, Lord, enlighten her so that she would not be so harsh on us and that I hope she becomes more considerate and more compassionate enough towards us.
I want to hear beautiful words from her, Lord. I donāt want to hate her. I want to like her as our Dean and my Prof. I donāt know how. I just really hope that she becomes the leader, the boss, the Dean, the Prof , and the mentor that everyone else will look up to. I hope she becomes that approachable as a mentor, not the overly intimidating and scary mentor.
Please, Lord, help us overcome this semester. Help me to finish this course and this degree STRONG.
-- Written by a struggling law student during this virtual world of law schooling. :ā(