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star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 20

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader

genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au, star-crossed lovers

synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him. there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned.

word count: 33K

warnings: mature content, angst, sexual tension, a lot of making out, kissing, mature language, explicit scenes, dirty talk, oral, a lot of fluff, cheesy in love stuff

a/n: hi. it’s been a long time. i didn't even realise how long, and to all the people who waited and still sent me texts: thank you. I can't believe there are people still interested in this story. life has been so insanely busy, in a good way, and i have had a lot of things going on, the kind of things i write about here, and time slipped away from me and im so sorry about the wait. even worked on a ridiculously cool project for fandoms and fanfiction (can u believe it?) at my job, which was crazy. i missed hyunyn and started writing this again sometime last year and finally got myself back into their love story. ive been out of kpop for long but i couldn't stop thinking about them this whole time, and i had to come back to do the rest of their story. they mean a lot to me and it seems like hyunjin's doing amazing things. he's forever inspiring to me. i hope you enjoy this chapter. and I hope you reread the story so it brings you back into this world. thank you for still being here, and being so patient. i promise the next wait won't be so long. and i hope the wait was still somehow worth it! you can listen to my star lost playlist here!

important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

You were so lucky.

You must have used up all of the luck in the world. Every birthday wish over the pink candles your friends would get you, each penny in the Daejon wishing well that you swore you didn't believe in, every 11:11 had come together to give you this.

It was just past three am and Hyunjin had texted you, "Come downstairs."

No explanation. Nothing else. Hyunjin, usually a man of many words, was uncharacteristically cryptic. But you…you were a lovesick idiot, so you obeyed anyway. Leather jacket half-zipped, hands still stained from paint from earlier, you all but ran down the six flights of stairs.

Under your apartment, his car was parked. The engine idled in the snow, his hoodie pulled low over his head. He was a mere dark shadow, leaning against the passenger door, hands casually tucked into his jeans.

The street lights barely illuminated the sidewalk, but you could still make out the smile that formed on his face when he saw you.

He looked impossibly good for this hour. A red scarf curled around his neck, a black hoodie clinging to him, thin silver glasses on. He dressed like he came straight from the runway, even though he was just in the streets of your very simple Ikseon-dong neighbourhood.

Yeah. Nothing good ever started with a text at three in the morning, except maybe this.

Just to be careful, you looked around for wandering cars or people - for stragglers coming home late from the bar, or snoopy neighbors taking out the trash. It would quickly become a habit - to keep this a secret, it was necessary. You could never be too careful after all. To your relief, the street was empty except for him. It was safe.

He opened the passenger door for you, a quiet laugh slipping out when you nearly tripped on the curb in your rush. Maybe it was the sudden cold clouding your senses, or the excitement of seeing him at this unexpected hour. It was just his car, but your stomach jumped and dropped like you were on a rollercoaster.

It felt forbidden. It thrilled you.

"Hey." Your voice was quiet as a whisper, as if you were still hiding, while you settled into your seat. You were thankful he'd left the heat on, and you glanced around the unfamiliar car. "This isn't your car."

He got in, a surprised look on his face as if he didn't expect you to catch onto that so quickly, "It's not."

"Please don't tell me you stole it."

"If I did, would you get out right now and go back to bed?" He asked, an eyebrow raised. A smug look was painted on his face, like he knew that you wouldn't care. He was teasing you, at this ungodly hour. Confidence looked good on him. You shrugged, nonchalant as you leaned back into your seat, eyes intense on his, "No, I would totally become your accomplice. I'd just… like a heads up."

Hyunjin laughed, eyes crinkling, "Knew I could trust you." He turned the knob on the radio, turning it down, "I rented it, actually. Under an alias. Didn't wanna risk showing up in my own car."

Right… Of course there were people out there who would recognize his fucking car, of all things. Nothing about his life was private. Which is probably why you were meeting him in the dead of night when most of the city was asleep. Your eyebrows shot up, "They let you rent a car under a fake name?"

"Yup. Done it before. Usually our managers figure that out for us to keep our schedules private. I found loopholes," he stated. So, he was really breaking the law to be here. It was kind of insane and romantic. You wondered if his managers knew that this is what he was doing with the liberty they gave him. Taking you on a joyride at 3 a.m., when the city was under a cover of cloud and snow. He reversed out of your street, hand behind your headrest, glancing at you, "Did I wake you?"

This felt dramatic. It felt like you were sneaking away to meet your high school boyfriend that your parents would never approve of. You'd never had that experience, so maybe this was making up for it. "No…I was just on my phone, watching videos. I went down a rabbit hole. You know how that is.” You said. He smiled, "What kind of videos?"

"Just fun stuff to do in the city." You admitted, running a finger over your chin, "I think I need to go out more, I've been sulking in my apartment for too long. Ugh, I need some inspiration. Where does one go to be inspired in this city?"

"I mean, your apartment's great.” He said. You shook your head, laughing, "It's really not….I want to do something crazy. Something I've never done in Daejon. Anything that kickstarts this creative block."

"Well, they make drugs for that."

You squint at him, "Funny. I saw a record store in Hongdae. I want to go there."

"Do you own a record player?” Hyunjin glanced your way. You stretched in the passenger seat, extending your arms in front of you, "No but hey, I could. I could be that girl."

He laughed, "Yeah. You can totally be that girl. You're already an artist living in Seoul, think you're halfway there."

"You're so right.” You giggled. He stopped at the light, glancing over at you, "I forgot something."

"What?" Your eyes narrowed and before you could question him further, he took you by surprise, leaning over in an instance to press his mouth to yours.

Your stomach jumped as you returned his kiss, tilting your head to meet him halfway. It hadn't been so long since the last time you kissed him, but every second apart had felt like eternity. Every time you did this felt like the first time. Electric. New. Scary good. Your hand came to rest on his thigh, squeezing his leg.

You were glad the windows were tinted, so he could do this. You were glad you were at a redlight so you couldn't take this further than you wanted to. If there were strings within your body, they were always pulling you to him. Reluctantly, he pulled back a breath, eyes hooded, "You taste like tiramisu."

You bit your lip. "I had some for dessert."

The light changed to green, and he pulled back completely, foot on the gas pedal. You looked out the window, a smile forming that made your cheeks hurt. Light snow scattered across the city, settling on the windshield, settling into the crevices of the windowpane. It was so calm out there, and you glanced at the boy in the drivers seat. Hyunjin had his glasses on — the ones he only put on when he was driving. You didn't know that he needed them, as much as you needed them on him. He licked his lips, as if still cherishing your taste. Even now, as his face rested, he looked deep in thought. It suit him so well. Gnawing on his bottom lip, he navigated through the late-night traffic. He was driving fast, street lights bouncing off the windshield, colors scattering over his skin. You wish you had a camera so you could —

“You’re staring,” he broke the quiet and your chain of thoughts. He didn’t need to look at you, he could feel your gaze burning into him, the air humming with your want and unspoken desire. Just a week ago, you’d have been embarrassed to be caught, but now you met his eyes, "Yeah. I am,"

It felt unreal, him being here with you. Less than forty-eight hours had passed since Kairi's dinner party, yet the planet seemed to have spun on a new axis since then.

After all these months pining after him, wishing to be near him, you finally were. You didn't know how to comprehend all these new feelings. It felt like your heart had grown in his presence, stretching to accommodate this flood of emotions. He looked at you at those words, almost surprised by your newfound boldness, "You haven't even asked me where I'm taking you. I fear you're still half-asleep."

"I'm just thinking." You countered, eyes flicking between him and the blur of the city through the glass. "And obviously, I trust you. Surprises can be good for inspiration. Gets my brain thinking." His glance cut toward you. “What are you thinking about?”

Outside, groups of friends were walking home from bars, bottles in their hands. Even in the cold, the city nightlife thrived. Warmth coiled in your chest and you held onto it — this unfamiliar comfort of being beside him. “Just… happy I stayed. Happy I went to Kairi’s dinner.”

Because what if you hadn’t? What if you’d caught that train to Daejon instead? What if Hyunjin hadn't come to your doorstep and convinced you to stay? What if you'd never had that conversation in Kairi's house?

His words from that night came back to you:

I’m saying that if we really do this, there’s going to be a lot of discretion. It’s probably going to be difficult and frustrating as fuck, and we’re both going to have to be really careful. Is that really okay with you?

»»————- 48 hours ago.

He was still wiping lipstick stains off his jaw. You watched him from where you sat, on the marble counter. Your dress was soaked from the wine still, but you didn't feel it anymore. To give your attention to anything but him right now would be a sin. His sweater was untucked from his jeans, belt buckle hanging loose. You liked seeing him like that. Disheveled. He was always so perfect, it was nice that he was only a mess because of you.

If you and him were to be together, it could only be a thing of secrecy. You were still reeling from the high of kissing him but this was a conversation you needed to have.

"So what does this mean?" You had asked. He'd been out of your life for so long, it was weird to imagine what could be normal now. He glanced at you, a curious look on his face, "You mean for us?"

"Yeah. What does this mean for us…going forward?" You hated how it sounded so sterile. You continued, “I missed what we were in Daejon. I missed how we were. Does this mean we can go back to that? Can it…can it still be like that?"

His expression softened, and it was as if you could watch your memories replaying in his eyes, a film reel of you and him in your little hometown, “That doesn’t have to change. We can still be like that."

A wild rush surged through your veins, and your heart felt unstable. This was everything you wanted, everything you’d been denying yourself until now. What would it even mean to be Hyunjin’s girl? Did it mean you could see him anytime that you wanted? Without making up a stupid excuse, but just because. After all this time, you could stop doubting if he wanted you the same way. You finally knew he did.

You thought hard, picking the right words to say, trying not to give yourself away. You had so many questions, "We have to keep this a secret. Does that mean we're not telling the others…your friends?"

You shouldn't be trying to find logic in this new relationship. You should fuck logic and just enjoy this, but you needed to make sure you were both on the same page. It seemed like he didn't have the answer to that. You'd caught him off guard. He paused, hands resting on the sink, "Maybe. I… don't know."

"But I don't want you to have to lie to your friends because of me." You wanted to slap yourself for coming up with problems right after finally getting what you wanted.

Hyunjin took a breath, then stepped closer to you, hands resting on your thighs, “It sounds bad but if we do this, we’re going to have to lie. To everyone. To a lot of people we care about, at least for a while…while we figure this out. I know they'll be supportive, Chan and the boys, but…they're going to worry. They think of me as some… emotional, sensitiveboy who thinks with his heart, not his head and they will worry. I don't want their stress to rub off on me. Not yet. Not when I finally have you the way I want."

But you are a sensitive and emotional boy who thinks with his heart. You bit your words back. It was a happy moment but having him hide it from the people closest to him made it seem like it wasn't. It's like he could read your mind, or at least he was trying to. His hand held up your chin, so you could look him in the eyes, "Hey. Don't worry about it. It's… not a bad thing, it's just how my world works. It's ridiculous sometimes. We'll tell them. In time."

"Right." Guilt bridled your tone as you looked into his eyes. You didn't want to come between him and years of friendships. But you were already taking a huge plunge and risking his entire career just because of your feelings for him. What was one more thing to that?

Hyunjin's voice softened, "Is it that bad to want you just to myself for a little while?"

You could tell he was trying to lighten your mood. It worked. A small smile crept up your face as you said, "No. I want you to be my little secret too. It's…kind of hot."

"Is it?" He laughed, eyes crinkling in the way that you so loved.

"Mmh. Like it's forbidden…the stakes feel so high." It made your feelings for him tenfold more intense — he was yours and nobody could know that. Nobody deserved to have that part of him. You'd never felt territorial before in your life but this was probably the beginnings of it. Hyunjin's gaze dropped, his hands settling on your hips, "You're right. The stakes are high."

"And I happen to be a great liar, so this should be a real piece of cake." You smiled. He laughed, tucking a strand of your hair behind your ear, "Do you still have that phone I gave you?”

A few weeks ago — on the night he convinced you to stay in Seoul — he'd given you a burner phone, so you could communicate only to him. You nodded, "I still don’t understand why I need a decoy phone. I’m not famous. Shouldn’t just you having one be enough?”

He answered as if he expected your question, “I don’t want anything to be traced back to your real number. There’s a lot of crazy, messed-up people in the world.”

The thought was scary, that someone out there would deliberately want to track you down . “Right… Is there anything else I should be careful about?”

He took a moment to think about it. There was a magnitude of things you couldn’t do and very, very few that you could.

You could only text him on his decoy number.

You couldn't follow him on any social media.

You couldn’t really go out in public together.

You definitely couldn’t go to his and the boys' apartment. It was public knowledge where they lived; it would be too risky to be even seen in the neighborhood. Their managers lived across from their apartment and watched them closely. That shocked you. They were grown adults who didn’t need constant supervision. It just seemed like one of the many things you’d have to get used to, being part of his life.

“And…I definitely can’t be seen with your lipstick prints all over my face.” He had added. You narrowed your eyes, tugging him closer by the collar of his sweater, "Not your face. So only the parts of you that won't be seen by the public."

Your hands drifted up his sweater, tracing the shape of his chest and feeling his heartbeat quicken beneath your touch. He laughed, clearly affected by your gesture. Your fingers hovered over his ribcage, and you asked, "How about here?"

He smiled like this didn't bother him, but his eyes betrayed him, a carnal desire swirling through them. "As much as I would want that…It'll get us into trouble."

You dropped your hands from his skin, “Well…I won’t let you get into any trouble. Not because of me. Never ever.”

He smiled, eyes crinkling at your earnest admission, "I know you won't."

"Are you scared?" The question escaped before you could stop it. You flinched, feeling like you’d cracked open something raw and dangerous. Each worry felt like opening Pandora's box, like this would be it. This would be the thing that'd make him change his mind.

An eyebrow shot up, "Scared?"

"That this could ruin everything? That I could?" You asked, wishing you could bite your tongue. It was stupid to say this. Did you want to push him away?

His eyes searched yours, matching the vulnerability on your face, and his voice was soft as a whisper, "I would say… you're just about the only person in the world I trust with my life."

His words went straight to your heart, embedding them deep like a promise. He was trusting you, with everything, with his life that he'd built up over years and years of hardship and training.

You could never betray that trust. You'd protect him and your big little secret with everything you had. Even if it was hard, and even if it could possibly hurt you. You'd do that before you let anything affect him. You'd get hurt a million times before letting it ruin his life.

"Thank you. For trusting me."

His eyes roamed your wine-soaked dress. He tilt his head, "You wanna change out of that now?"

Right. The drink you'd spilled as a stupid ploy to get him to follow you in here, to get him alone. It was stupid but it had clearly worked. “I should.”

He reached for you, hand on your waist to help you off the countertop. Your stomach turned at the simplicity and kindness of his gesture. You'd missed how this felt. He pulled you away from the bathroom into Kairi’s room across the hall. You'd already forgotten about the group of friends downstairs waiting for you to return. You searched through her closet for something simple to wear. A soft, fuzzy, blue sweater stood out. You unzipped your dress, careful not to make too much noise, your ears burning at the thought that Hyunjin might be watching.

Subtly, you glanced over your shoulder to check if he was looking at you, curious about his reaction. He wasn't watching you change; instead he stood by the door like he wanted to give you privacy. The room was dark, and he was only illuminated by the hallway light. His arms were crossed as he waited, leaning against the doorframe, eyes unfocused as if deep in thought.

There was a sudden quietness to the two of you now. A calm that only came with getting what you wanted. When you finally had what you'd fought for all this time, what did you have left to do?

You pulled the sweater over your head, and slipped on a pair of Kairi's baggy pants. It didn't match with your dolled up hair and your kitten heels. “So… do you like my fit?” You stepped close to him, revealing your outfit in the dim light. He looked at you, gaze raking over you, smiling, "Very much."

He then took a step to you, voice low, “I’m really happy you came tonight.” That was right. If you hadn’t made the last-minute decision to come, none of this would have happened. You smiled honestly, “Me too.”

Even in heels, you had to stretch up to kiss him. It was so nice… to just kiss him like this without pretending. It still felt far out but you had to remind yourself — this whole game of charade you'd been playing was over now. He pressed his mouth to yours, tender, hand grazing the small of your back, mumbling, “We should get back before they think something's happened to us.”

You didn't have the heart to tell him that they probably thought you were up here fucking. After, you had slipped out back to Kairi’s living room. All of his friends lay in wait for you — Chan, Jisung, Changbin and Kairi gathered around the coffee table. The television was on in the back, a muted news channel talking about the sudden snowstorm that hit Seoul. “There you two are.” Kairi had exclaimed, eyes drifting to the sweater you had on, "We were wondering if you were ever coming back."

"Sorry." You apologized, settling back on the couch as Hyunjin went over to Jisung. They talked in loud whispers, and you tried to focus on what Chan was saying to you but it was hard. Nobody else knew about the conversation you’d had with Hyunjin, the decision you’d made to explore this — to finally give each other a chance, all strings attached.

You think it was obvious on your face what had just occurred. Something electric had rewired your very core.

When you were thirteen, your friends would obsess over comic books, and you always thought it was funny how the main character was always hit with something - a spider, radiation, a freak accident - so they could become a superhero. That's kind of how you felt right now, like your very own DNA was rearranging itself.

Your body felt reinvented, as if your cells shifted to accommodate the truth that Hyunjin was now yours.

Maybe that was an extraordinarily crazy way of looking at it, but nothing about you and him had ever been ordinary.

»»————- now.

You still felt like that now, forty-eight hours later, sitting in the passenger seat of Hyunjin's car. Liquid fire in your veins from sitting so close to him. He had been quietly humming along to his playlist. Casually perfect, casually yours.

You watched him so intently, wanting to memorize the way this moment felt. You didn't notice you'd arrived to your destination. He eased the car into a nearly empty parking lot, headlights dimming. "We're here."

The neighborhood was usual, a blend of clubs and apartments. Bars and pubs lined the streets, playing loud music to drunk crowds. But of course, you weren't going into the bars, there were far too many people there who could recognize him.

You followed him into the cold night, zipping your jacket up to the top as he pushed open an unassuming door on the street. Up a narrow stairwell that smelled of wood and dust. You didn't expect the climb and you quietly followed him to the top floor. A neon sign read 'Emergency Exit' above the door. He took in a breath, pushing it open. A gust of wind blew over you, and you realized he had led you to a rooftop.

Tentatively, you stepped out. The rooftop overlooked the city of Seoul. The view was insane. "Whoa…" You puffed your breath, a cloud of cold air escaping, stepping forward onto the gravel. "This is…ridiculous."

You were looking out at an expanse of skyscrapers, lights, highways in the distance with lights threading in red and yellow traffic. Before you could even take in the view, Hyunjin grabbed your arm, pulling you towards him. You laughed, "What are you doi—" But then he was kissing you.

You obliged him, arms coming up around his neck, meeting his mouth in the middle.

He kissed you like he hadn't in forever, hands holding your body, fingers digging into the leather of your jacket. He was urgent, frantic, like he'd been waiting to do this. Like everything he'd been holding in this entire time had exploded into this desire right now.

You had so much to ask him, so much to talk to him about, but you let yourself get lost in the moment. This is what it meant to date Hyunjin. His hands sank into your hair, tugging at your roots. It triggered a moan, your mouth falling open. You couldn't help it, a giggle escaped you at this sudden passion. This all felt very teenage. Hyunjin pulled back, eyes narrowed in confusion. You adjusted your jacket and it was all bunched up from where he was gripping it, "Sorry. I…Did you just bring me up here to make out? Not that I mind…"

He shook his head, eyes narrowed, cheeks red, "No…I wanted to see you." He cleared his throat, "Wanted to talk to you."

"Mmh." You smiled, stepping back, "That was some great talking." You didn't want to get all hot and bothered, not here, not like this. You looked around, trying to not focus on how good it felt to kiss him, observing the single clothesline that hung across, and discarded cigarette butts that lay on the gravel. There was a fresh one, and you crushed it with your boot, "Are we even allowed to be up here?"

"One of my friends lives in the building. He's brought me up here before."

"What friend?"

Hyunjin rest his head against the door, eyes glazing over your form, like he was still disappointed you'd pulled away, "Just another trainee from Pegasus."

“Does he know we're up here?" You crossed your arms to warm yourself. Hyunjin's eyebrow shot up, intimidatingly hot, "Does it matter?"

Your eyes widened, "I didn't know you were such a rebel. Trespassing onto rooftops, renting Ford mustangs under fake names…"

He had a boyish grin on his face, like he felt proud of the fact, "You'd be surprised what I'm willing to do."

He walked over to the edge, joining you, snow crunching beneath his feet. So easily, he then stepped up onto the parapet. Your heart skipped a beat at his nonchalance. He looked back at you over his shoulder, "Don't worry. There's a ledge right under.” He sat down like it was the most natural thing in the world, legs hanging off the edge, "Come here."

You looked over the edge. It wasn't too far a drop, the ledge safely jutted out underneath, almost like it was made for lovers to rendezvous in the night. Your gut twisted, but you swung your legs over, joining him. He steadied you with one hand on your back, the other gripping you firmly until you settled beside him. "Careful…" He murmured, arm brushing yours as you shifted closer.

"Phew." You puffed your cheeks, trying not to look down, "Didn't know you'd be getting me out of bed for a near-death experience."

"I would never let anything happen to you."

"Do you come up here a lot?" You tried to focus on the view of the city — it was gorgeous. The recent snowstorm had left everything in a cover of white, like you'd dropped white paint all over a fresh canvas.

"I used to come up here a lot when I moved back from Daejon. It was a nice place, to think, to watch the leaves change in the fall. It wasn't as cold either." He answered.

"What trees?" You joked, hands digging into your jacket pockets, looking out at all the steel and concrete that dominated the Seoul skyline. He smiled at the jab, and then looked at you, frowning, “You’re shivering.”

“No, I’m fine.”

Without a word, Hyunjin untangled his red scarf from his neck, holding it to you. You started to protest, but he was already draping the red wool around your neck, fingers tucking it gently under your chin. You snuggled deeper into the scarf’s warmth, mumbling, “If I’d known you were dragging me up here, I’d have worn something warmer. Now you're gonna be cold instead of me. How's that a fair trade off?"

"And maybe I'd prefer to freeze to death before letting you shiver."

You looked at him, eyebrows shot up, "You're so romantic."

He chuckled, "I'm sorry it had to be this late. Just had a crazy day and I really wanted to see you. I couldn't think of anywhere else we could go and… once I remembered this place, I had to text you. I'm very bad at holding back on my urges."

"Oh, are you?" You teased, swaying your legs in the wind. His mouth quirked. “If I’d gone home and gone to bed, I’d have regretted not texting you.”

"You love getting what you want."

He let out a soft sigh. “Well, Changbin says he admires that about me.”

"Of course Changbin would.” You mumbled. Hyunjin laughed, "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means they've spoiled you. I don't blame them. Saying no to you would kind of be impossible." You said, and your laughter betrayed you. He scrunched his nose, reaching for your hands suddenly as if to change the topic, "What even is that? Charcoal?"

“Yeah. I was sketching earlier. Trying a new medium.” You admitted. His fingers on your wrist turned your hand up; his thumb brushed along the lines of your palm. “You have soft hands.”

Your heart skipped a beat at the sudden observation, "Thanks."

"How are you?" He then looked up to you, eyes sincere. That came out of nowhere. You blinked, meeting his gaze, "How am I?"

He didn't let go of your hand, and you think maybe he just needed an excuse to hold it.

"You've had a rough couple of weeks." He sounded guilty, but he was not.

"That's not on you."

"I guess." Slowly, he intertwined his fingers with yours. It sent different kind of shivers down your spine. His palm was softer than you could ever imagine yours being.

"Kim Jieong's the asshole…you couldn't have known that.” You said. His gaze searched yours, "But I wasn't exactly the best to you, I cut you off —"

"You don't have to explain yourself to me again, Hyunjin. I…get it." You squeezed his hand, "And as to your question, I'm much better. I think I needed to give myself some time to process what happened…and move on. I think I could be meant for cooler things than Kim fucking Jieong. Like I've been thinking… I would love to work at a place like The Chateau was back home…to help people, just bond over art. I don't really wanna compete to prove myself. I don't think I'm cut out for it. It's harsh even to make it as an artist and it just doesn't make sense to fight others for it."

A relieved smile broke across his face, as if a weight had lifted off his shoulders after hearing your words, "I think you'd be pretty great at something like that."

You brushed your thumb against his hand, "And what about you?"

He looked at you, tilting his head, "Did I tell you I'm a Hermes ambassador now? Crazy…They're sending me to Copenhagen for that."

"What? That's…amazing. When?" Turning to face him, you crossed your legs on the little ledge. He said that so casually.

"The winter fashion week. They want me to sit in the front row." He laughed, nervous, "I don't know why. I'm not an expert on fashion. I'm kind of nervous."

"That sounds really fucking cool. Is it your first time there?”

He nodded. “And my first solo appearance overseas. My manager says it’s good for publicity. I like their style, so… maybe I’ll enjoy it. Who knows? That's in a few weeks, so there's been a lot of preparation around that.”

"Why are you nervous?" You whispered. He shrugged, drawing little circles on your hand, "I'm representing the group at the event. It just feels like a lot. I'll have to make small talk with everyone. I'm supposed to be 'networking' I'm kind of dreading that. And I also don't enjoy the long travel days…"

"How long is that flight, like 10 hours?"

"A little over, yeah."

"That sounds tiring."

He thought about it, "It can get tiring yeah, but…I also am excited to see the city. I've heard a lot about their architecture and I'm excited to photograph the streets, to try new food, I tell myself it'll be worth all the jet lag. I think one day when I'm too old for this job, I'll move to a countryside near there and just paint all day.”

You smiled at his words, "I could totally see you as a recluse."

"Right? And…nobody would know me." He then looked at you, "We could be just about anybody. Go anywhere."

"Wow. That sounds tempting. I wouldn't mind doing that." You added. It felt crazy to talk about your and Hyunjin's future together so normally, like in twenty years you could both do that. For the first time, it felt tangible. You could see your life with him flash before your eyes. Perhaps you were getting too ahead of yourself.

"Really?" He tilt his head, "I see you as someone who'd travel the world when she gets the chance, not settle down in some nowhere town."

You laughed, "You're right. There are so many places I want to see before I…become a hermit like you." He smiled at that. You continued, "I could imagine it changing my perspective. Sometimes, I think my world is so small. It opened up a bit more when I moved here, but I know there's so much more to see and fall in love with. Especially when all my favorite artists are from there."

Hyunjin was listening to you carefully, lips twitching into a smile, "Have you ever flown out of the country?”

“Just once. With my family, like ten years ago. There was a wedding in Sydney. I don’t remember much though.”

"Did you like it?"

"I'm sure I did…I still have all the souvenirs and bus tickets at home, but yeah, those dreams are all for later. Maybe in ten years I can gift myself a birthday trip to a place like that. For now…" You looked out at the view that you had grown to love, "For now, Seoul will do."

“I mean, it's nice to be able to travel for work, but most of the time we don’t even see the cities. We’re just… rushed from one schedule to the next. I guess I should take it more as a blessing and not complain so much.”

You laughed, "And how are the boys doing?"

He sighed, shoulders sinking, "Overworked. Working on our next album. The company wants us to do a pop album, but it's so different from our current sound…so it's kind of hard to try that out while still trying to be authentic to ourselves."

"The company gets to decide that?"

"Yup. Since they're paying for it. Right now, literally everybody else in the industry is doing pop. I guess it's our turn." He said. You frowned, "Isn't that more reason not to do it?"

Hyunjin scoffed, "You would think. The company executives work in mysterious ways that us humans could never understand."

"Right. Us mortals aren't privy to the way the big corporations' brains work."

He laughed but you could feel the passion in his voice, "They think if we do a pop album, it proves to the investors that we're worth spending all their money on. It's a lot of pressure for Chan…"

"I can imagine…"

He took a breath, and continued, "And I want to help him. But of course I have to go sit front row in a fashion show. I don't even know much about fashion! Surely they could have picked someone else. I'm only there because the label has money to send me…and I guess cause I have the most… followers." He said the last part quieter, like he was embarrassed, "That kinda shit matters to them a lot. We have so many obligations now. I guess I just feel like a sellout. I'm sorry, scratch that. I didn't bring you up here to rant."

“Hyun…” You reached out to his arm, stroking it, “Don’t be sorry. Thank you for telling me that. You could talk to me about anything, you know that.”

He glanced at you, lips twitching into a smile, "I know. But I don't want to talk to you about just my problems."

"Well. I don't know much about the industry, but I know that they'll love you at the fashion show, and I know that if you do end up having to make a pop album, it'll probably be the greatest of our century."

He looked adorable, a shy expression, and it was much nicer to see that then the furrows in his brows or the frown in his smile. You leaned over, to press a sweet kiss to his cheek, "You're incredible."

Hyunjin's cheeks flushed. You pulled back, just a bit, eyes hovering over his. He stared back at you in silence, intense gaze and then whispered, "I can't believe you're here."

He leaned forward to kiss you. His hand landed on your thigh, the other on your chin. He tilt your head to match his pace and the rooftop was dead quiet except for the sounds of you kissing. Heat coursed through your veins, and your heart beat faster with every kiss. This was the stuff dreams were made of. The kind of love people wished on shooting stars for. You wish you could pinch yourself to remind yourself that this was real, not a dream. Each moment with Hyunjin, you'd be pinching yourself every day for the rest of your life.

He pulled back to breathe, "With all this stuff the company makes us do…that's why you're so important to me. I give up so much for this life and…"

You stilled, curious to hear what was next.

"I look at you and I'm like, finally. Finally I'm doing something for myself."

Your eyes widened. You were his one thing. The words made your heart swell, and you smiled so big your cheeks hurt. It was crazy to believe you meant so much to him. You observed his face, the sincereness in it, the beauty behind it. It was unfathomable how you'd found someone like him in your simple, little life. Pinch.

"And hey, maybe if we do get big enough internationally, we could have more say in things and more control." He added. You nodded, still feeling drunk off his kiss, your words overlapping with his as you added, "And you will be so big, and so successful, and they will be so proud of you. I already am."

"I guess the only downside to that is I wouldn't be able to hide anywhere."

Your hands settled at the nape of his neck, playing with his hair. Like habit, he relaxed into it as you said, "The world is so big. I'm sure you'd find a town where they don't care about boyband music at all and you can still live your dream life."

He laughed, eyes flickering to yours, "Thank you for humoring me."

"Always." You smiled at him. Always, as in forever. Could he feel that through your words, through your gaze, through your eyes? You meant it.

You shifted closer to him, dropping your head on his shoulder, watching the snowflakes drift down. He had chosen you for himself. It was a crazy thought. If only your teenage self could see you right now. She would have had less days chasing after boys who didn't want her, and wondering when she'd be with the one who truly cared for her. Or maybe all of that had to happen for you to appreciate the sanctity of this moment. Character development.

You sat silent for a while.

Faint music was playing from the bars downstairs. English songs from the 80s. It was a nice vibe. It was exactly Hyunjin's vibe. "I love this song." He noticed. A romantic song was playing. With or Without You by U2.

You smiled, "It's nice." Hyunjin started mumbling the words, singing along under his breath. His voice was soft and breathy. His accent was restrained, subtle. The song got louder, as if the bars knew you and him were listening to it, like they were only playing this for the two of you. He suddenly started to stand up, back from the ledge. You looked at him in confusion, "What are you doing?"

"Come on. I love this song." He repeated, extending his hand to you. Tentatively, you grabbed his hand to step back onto the roof. The snow crunched under your feet. It had started piling up more and more. Hyunjin pulled you close, one hand slipping around your waist. You giggled at the realization, "We're dancing…?"

"That's a word for it." He smiled, dimples in his cheek, slowly swaying you around.

It was silly. You were both bundled up in winter coats. At first, you couldn't help but be self aware, smiling at the thought of it all. He was more reserved, watching you, focused on the music. The snowfall was slow, and your cheeks were both red from the cold.

The song played in tandem with your footsteps. Your heart beat in tandem with his. Silly. No one else on the planet you'd do this with.

Hyunjin knew the words and mumbled them under his breath every so often, but mostly he just looked right at you. You looked at him too, at the way his eyelashes rested on his cheeks when he blinked, the way the city lights reflected off his cheekbones. He was beautiful in every moment.

The song grew louder, music ramping up and you hadn't heard this song in a million years but now you could feel it in your body, it was playing over this moment like you were in a movie. His eyes were half-lidded, a lazy but content smile on his face. "This is nice." He spoke, eyes drifting to your lips.

Slowly, he bent down, mouth meeting yours perfectly with the beat. It's like he timed the kiss to perfection too, just as the music built into the bridge. You stilled, eyes shutting as he kissed you so tenderly, holding you so close to him.

"Your lips are so cold." He whispered, moving an inch away to breathe and before you could respond, he had closed the gap between your mouths again. You tilt your head up to accommodate him. Your hands were shaking from the cold so you brought them up to his chest, bunching his coat in your fists, holding him. You'd forgotten your gloves at home, but Hyunjin was hot enough. He paused for another second, looking deep into your eyes, "Warm enough?"

Your head was full of the music. It penetrated your brain, and you shook your head no. His lips curled into a smile, and he grabbed your chin, pulling you up to kiss him again, harder. You were on your toes now. He was so tall. Your heart pound so loud in your ears. He asked again, edging you, "How about now? Warmer?"

Lost for words, you shook your head again. He grabbed your face, kissing you for a third time, longer, more passionate, more intense. His tongue was in your mouth. Yours in his.

And now in the harsh cold, your body was burning hot. Warmth traveled from his lips to your tiptoes, an intense tingle down your spine, like a fever spreading through you the longer he touched you, the longer he kissed you.

Snow fell all around you, falling onto Hyunjin's eyelashes, onto your cheeks, melting as soon as it touched your skin because he was making you so warm. He pulled back again, lips hovering over yours, "And now?"

“More.” You bit your lip, brain fuzzy and full of static, “Still cold.”

He laughed, breathless from the kisses and the cold, a warm hoarseness in his voice. "You're greedy."

“Yes.” You mumbled, pupils blown wide as you blinked up at him. His voice was curious, “What are you gonna do when I’m not here? When I’m gone for long?”

“Die.” You mumbled, chasing his mouth for another touch. He pulled back, lips swollen, “That’s not funny.”

You pouted at the separation of your lips, being away from him was physically hurting you, “I wasn’t being funny. Just don’t be gone for long, Hyun. Keep kissing me." Your body hurt, and your core hurt and your heart hurt, "Kiss me until it stops snowing, and it's summer again, and then after that too. Don't ever stop, please."

His eyes widened, and the song was ending, slowing down as he said, “You say things with such intensity. Such…passion.” His finger reached out to your lips, thumbing your bottom lip, “I love that about you. I wish I could capture everything you say and bottle it up.”

“I wish I could bottle you up.” You were getting impatient, fingers dragging down his body, aching for more, more, moreand this is exactly why you hadn't wanted to start kissing in the middle of nowhere.

He laughed, harnessing a restraint you could never teach yourself in a million years as he pulled back, fingers memorizing the shape of your lips, “I should get you back before it’s morning.”

»»————-

It was much, much easier to promise a secret than to actually keep one. That was something you learnt the hard way over the weeks that followed your and Hyunjin’s rooftop tryst. Of course you could keep a secret. In theory.

You’d hidden things from your friends before — about your desires to move to the city, your true feelings about life in a dead-end town. Back then, it came so easy you could trick yourself into believing it to be the truth. You'd done it so effortlessly. So, in taking all the skills built through your teenage years, this shouldn’t be so hard now. If it were up to you, you'd talk about him to any human who'd lend you an ear. But it was not up to you. So it'd be a secret you would take to your grave.

The next couple of days blurred into something strange and sweet. You weren't suddenly in a serious relationship, at least not in the way regular people would define it, but it was pretty damn close to what you two could have in this reality.

Neither of you had got much sleep. You talked to him, over text, voice messages, pictures, every waking second, every breath. He had a busier life than you - vocal lessons, photoshoots, interviews, so you hadn't seen him in person. Not since the night you'd met on the rooftop. You already missed him, his touch, how he tasted, the way he made you feel. You missed him with a sharpness that left your chest hollow. So you filled the gap with other things.

Seoul’s pretty fucking cool when you’re not depressed.

Yeonjun and you saw each other a lot more, making a weekly routine out of it. He’d take you to jazz bars, and even as a plus-one to a work event. His life was all corporate jargon and meetings, and it was fun to dip your toes into the kind of life you could have had in another reality.

Other days, when all of your friends were busy, you’d sit by the Han River, the winter sun warm on your skin and people-watch. People-watching was so much better here than back home. Here, you could actually make up stories about all the lives around you because everyone was a stranger. It could only work here because back in Daejon, you already knew everyone. But here, there were nine million people in this city and you would never know them all. The thought should have been scary. It wasn't. It felt like a kind of freedom you'd never had.

You'd only been here a few months, but you couldn't imagine living in a small town after this. You'd changed from who you used to be. That much was obvious. Your routine was busy again, you were hardly ever at home, and you’re finally living your life in Seoul.

Kairi took you thrifting, and your closet was slowly starting to look more like your style and less like settling for whatever Daejon had available. Mismatched patterns. Oversized, modern coats that looked like you’d see them on magazine covers. A thrifted jacket with embroidered dragons on the back that you started wearing everywhere, even though it barely kept you warm. You'd never had the confidence to wear stuff like this when you were younger - you'd stick out like a sore thumb - but you felt different now.

There was a routine to your life that had never existed before. Perhaps it was contrary that the routine came with insane bursts of spontaneity. You'd go out with Yeonjun for dinner and end up at a gaming arcade till the early hours of the morning. You and Kairi would stumble upon a world-famous artist exhibition happening right next to the thrift stores you scoured for items.

It was the best city in the world to not know what the fuck you were gonna do with your life. It had everything to offer. You'd let yourself be taken by any and all creative pursuits the city had.

Hyunjin already had that. He had so much going on. His job wasn't a thing he could leave at the office at the end of a day. It was him. Every waking second of his day was dedicated to his craft, to getting better, to being there for the band members, to creating something for the fans. There was no rest, no in-between moments. He had obligations to so many people. It made sense why he had shut down all those months ago and uprooted his life by moving to Daejon.

So, you dug yourself into your passions too.

Yeonjun had a new obsession, a gaming arcade in Myeongdong. He'd convinced you to get a membership for it. You sat in the booth together, challenging each other to the new Walking Dead game. He leaned forward, focusing on the game, "I can't believe you've never played this game, and you're already beating me."

You laughed, focusing on the screen, swivelling the gun to maim the zombies, "It's not that hard. Just point and shoot."

"We should enter a tournament if that's so easy." He joked, he was still in his suit from work, he'd come straight here. You, on the other hand, were in your matching grey sweats, legs crossed on the arcade bench so you could be comfortable. He killed another zombie and said, "Work's sending me to a leadership retreat to Tokyo next week. "

You glanced at him, "Don't tell me. And they're paying for everything?"

"Yup. Although I'm gonna be bored out of my mind.” He mumbled. You feigned a gasp, "Oh my god. Tokyo must be gorgeous this time of year. Maybe I should get a corporate job too."

He shot at a zombie, saving your character nonchalantly, "I can't imagine you in one, Y/N. And I mean that with no offense."

"What do you mean?" You stopped to stare at him. He shrugged, "I'm sitting at the desk for eight hours a day, in a stuffy suit and tie, making small talk with old white men from some bumfuck town in Ohio. You…you deserve a more interesting life than that."

You laughed at his words, "But they're paying for you to go to fucking Tokyo. That's more interesting than my life will ever get if I stay an artist. Like who's going to sponsor me to travel and get inspired?"

"Okay." He inadvertently paused the game, looking at you, "When you're famous enough, you can just do that on your own."

"I do not want to be famous." You laughed. He nudged you, resuming the game, "Yeah. I guess it's not all that great. I'm upset I'm gonna miss your birthday."

You stilled, fingers over the controller, and time had really slipped away from you because you completely forgotten how close you were to it, "That's fine."

Yeonjun glanced at you, "No, it's not. I missed your last birthday too…I hate that it's becoming a thing.” You tried to focus on the game as you spoke, "That wasn't your fault. We all kinda iced you out after the breakup. And you missed nothing. We just went for a movie Yongbok wanted to see. Evil Dead something."

"You didn't even pick the movie for your birthday?" His eyes narrowed, and he was getting distracted from the game mission. You laughed, "I mean, I haven't celebrated my birthday in years. I didn't mind."

Yeonjun let out a exhale, "You deserve to be celebrated. Please tell me you guys at least did a cake."

The game lights flashed over the two of you, as you moved on to the next level and you said, "That was last year. It doesn't matter. By the way, your character is absolutely losing. I can't believe we never did this in Daejon."

"Oh, Yongbok would never have let you play with me. He would have snatched you up any time he got." He laughed. You smiled, eyes focused on the screen as your characters ran through the map, "Probably."

"Remember when Yongbok begged his parents to get him a Pac-Man machine on his birthday?" You laughed at the memory, "Wait. Yeah. I remember him crying about it for weeks."

"And that was what, his 16th birthday?"

You smiled, "He's hilarious."

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, one, two and three times, and you knew who it was. You immediately reached for it, losing focus from the game.

i miss you so much i cant stop thinking about you…what are you up to? i was gonna do something crazy and just come over to your place but eunwoo's being a hard ass right now and our schedule for the next few days looks insane ill figure something out. i think ill lose my mind if i don't see you soon

Your breath caught in your throat, the intensity of his texts catching you off guard. You heard growls, and you looked up to see your character get swarmed by zombies. Yeonjun glanced at you, laughing, "Girl. What happened?"

"Sorry. Sorryyy." You put your phone away, unable to stop smiling after that text despite your character dying, "I'll pay for the next round."

"Don't worry about it." Yeonjun laughed, leaning back in his seat, eyes flickering over your form, "Something… about you is different."

You leaned forward, keeping his gaze, but your heart was already pounding thinking about Hyunjin's text, "What do you mean?"

"I don't know. You know what they say, you have a glow…" He raised an eyebrow, "Did you get laid?"

You laughed, putting in six more coins for the game to restart, "I assure you that did not happen."

"Right. I don't believe you.”

"I didn't get laid!" You laughed, "You'd be the first to know if I did."

He scrunched his nose like he didn't believe you, "Sure."

You and Hyunjin never got time to yourselves. The only privacy you could get would be in your apartment. He was always busy. You rolled your eyes, "I'm just happy, okay? Even though the sun sets at four pm, and it's always freezing and the only thing I want to eat is soup…I kind of love winter. I don't know why I was always so obsessed with summer."

Yeonjun laughed, "Summer just has a lot of propaganda behind it. Winter looks good on you, Y/N. It's the happiest I've seen you."

You tilt your head, your heart swelling as your best friend made these observations about you, "Really?"

"And…I'll wait for you to tell me the reason for that." He stated, eyes narrowed on you teasingly. You laughed, "So I need a reason? I can't just be happy?"

"Oh. You're not just happy. You're grossly giddy all the time. At least it's in time for your birthday."

You giggled, "Right. You're not even gonna be here for it so what am I supposed to do?"

He shrugged, "I'm sure you'll figure it out."

You felt overwhelmed with love as Yeonjun and you continued gaming, absolutely obliterating every zombie in your path, and you felt a rush thinking of seeing Hyunjin soon. Your body was filled with buzz. You couldn't even stay still, the adrenaline buzzing you up so much that you played the game like never before, beating your high score twice in a row.

You'd never felt like this before. It's as if something had been missing in your life this whole time, this unconditional love, a giddy feeling in your stomach and now it's everywhere.

You're drowning in it.

»»————-

Today, you're at your favorite cafe. The one with the pink chairs and the butter pecan seasonal cookies. You bit into one, crumbs of it falling over your sketchbook. You've been here for hours. You're inspired, and you've been sketching so much you've gone through two notebooks.

The cafe was playing smooth R&B tunes and it remind you of him. Everything remind you of him so you texted him, at the risk of sounding needy.

when do you think i can see you next?

And in the next second, before you'd taken a new breath, you received a text back. It was like he was waiting for you, fingers at the ready to type in a message.

hey, im in a fitting for a photoshoot. ohh what's it for? ah, just an editorial. vogue. ?? are you for real. that's insane. yes haha. im… modelling for calvin klein lol. what….???

He texted you a picture of him, it looked like his manager had taken it behind the scenes. He stood against a white backdrop, in a tight red and white baseball shirt, low jeans that hung on his waist, a Gucci belt on his hips. The shirt was cropped, exposing his midriff just the right amount, and the band of his underwear.

you look really hot. like wow…how long are you gonna be at the shoot? thank you :) honestly, probably a couple of hours. im still in only my first outfit. there's seven ugh. you're so strong. i believe in you. it's just a photoshoot. im not saving the world well being hot is a full-time job. ah of course.that's probably why you're so tired all the time. cheeseball. sorry, i got to go they're calling me back, ill text you later.

You turned your phone over, focusing on your sketches. The cafe had some regulars and you tried to embody them in your sketches. Nobody lingered in the cafe as long as you did, so their faces were finished from memory or filled in with your imagination. You would need a new sketchbook very soon, and you made a note of going to the art shop again. Hours passed this way.

"Can I get you anything else? The kitchen's about to close." A deep voice interrupted you. You glanced up at the cafe employee stood at your table. You hadn't realized it was almost closing time. You'd spent almost the entire day here. You wonder if he recognized you — you'd frequented this same cafe for weeks, sitting at the same spot. It would be nice to be a regular here. It'd cement your place in this city more. You pointed to the cookie, "Who makes these? Because they're like…way too good to be made in a mass-produced factory."

He smiled, "We get them from a baker in Gimpo."

"Ah… Well tell them I love these.” You said. His eyes wandered to your sketches, "Whoa. Those are real good."

"Oh. Thank you." You sat up straighter, suddenly feeling self-conscious despite the compliment. He stared at your work, "Do you do exhibitions? You're very talented."

"Oh. No…I just draw for myself.” You flushed. He shrugged, m"Well, if you did exhibitions…I'm sure a lot of people would come."

"I wouldn't know anything about that." You laughed, reading his nametag, "But that's very sweet of you to say, MJ."

"Of course. I'll get back to work. It's nice to see you in here so often." He stated, shooting you a smile before walking back to the counter. The sketch he'd admired was far from your best work, but it was so nice to be appreciated, by a stranger nonetheless. He was nice. You smiled, putting your pencil down to stretch out your limbs. You'd been in this posture for hours. You reached a hand back, squeezing your muscles.

Your phone vibrated against the table, lighting up with a text from Hyunjin.

want me to get that for you? what…? jisung tells me im great at massages

Your eyes narrowed in confusion. You looked up, eyes wandering across the cafe. And there he was. Hyunjin stood at the counter, half-hidden under a Yankees cap. He stood in the queue, an image of nonchalance, an obscure smile on his face.

You couldn't believe he was here. In this very public place.

what are you doing here?

He was typing on his phone, one hand in his pocket.

we're on lunch break. i…thought i'd pop in here for a coffee. but…you literally work all the way across the city. i like that sweater on you. pretty. they don't have coffee at the photo studio?

Your eyes flit up to his, he did such a good job of blending in with the crowd. He seemed so deadpan neutral, waiting for his turn at the counter. He ordered a coffee, then leaned against the counter as he waited.

i missed you. are you serious? so you came all this way….just to see me? is that weird? no, it's so romantic. i wish i could sit with you. if only there was nobody else in this coffee shop. are you gonna go back soon? yeah. they need me back on set in 20.

So he really came all this way…just to look at you from across the room for a few minutes. He was only twenty feet away but you wanted to be closer. In such a public place, all you needed was an excuse really. So, you grabbed the little plate and stood up to walk over to the counter.

Hyunjin stiffened, only for a second, when he realized you were walking towards him. You tried not to look at him immediately, focusing on the barista MJ. "Hey. Could I get another?"

MJ blinked, but then his face broke into a smile when he saw you, "Oh. Another cookie?"

"Yes, please." You weren't even hungry. It was crazy, the things you were doing to be close to him in the public.

"Sure. Do you want it heated up? Also a tip…" He lowered his voice as if he was telling you a secret, "We might not have the cookies from Monday. We only get them twice a year."

"You're kidding me." You blinked, "I should buy all of them out then.” MJ laughed at your response, putting your cookie in the oven, "That was the last one of the day."

"Well, guess I'll just have to go to that bakery in Gimpo." You sighed, tapping your card to pay.

"You can wait over there." MJ said, motioning to where Hyunjin stood, who was still waiting for his coffee. You walked over to his space with a nod.

Your eyes met, like two strangers glancing at each other. Your breath caught in your throat. His makeup from the photoshoot was gorgeous. There was glitter on his eyes, a dark burgundy around his eyes. Silver flecks in the corners of his eyes. Pink blush all on his cheekbones. You almost said something out loud, about how gorgeous it looked.

Yeah, he tried to blend in, with the casual fit, with the American baseball cap but he never really could, not when he looked like that. You'd realised a long time ago that Hyunjin would stand out in every room he was in.

"Americano for Hwang." They called his name out, and handed him his large cup of to-go coffee. Hyunjin's big hands grabbed it, multi-colored gummy rings on his fingers, and then took a sip of his coffee experimentally, glossy lips puckering around his straw.

"That good?" The barista asked him, watching for his reaction. Hyunijn's eyes were intense on yours, like he wanted to eat you whole, as he answered the barista, "It's delicious. Worth the trip across the city."

You tried to maintain composure under his gaze. He was just another stranger in the coffee shop. And in this moment, it felt so special, holding on to this secret. Pretending not to know Hyunjin in public, knowing you'd get to have him all to yourself later, was the most fun you'd had in a while.

From the smile on Hyunjin's face as he walked away, it looked like he felt the same.

»»————-

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"What?" He laughed, on the other end of the line, "What ever do you mean?"

You mumbled into your phone, face red from your earlier interaction, "I mean, you can't just show up like that, looking like that, and expect me to keep to myself."

"Really? All I did was get a coffee, Y/N.” He replied. You mumbled, "You should go on those reality shows, the seduction ones. You're a natural at that stuff."

His laughter was loud and adorable, "So you're saying you wanted to jump my bones in the coffee shop."

"That's a very crass way of saying it." You stared at the canvases displayed, phone balanced between your ear and shoulder, "I just found a really big canvas. Perfect for my living room wall."

Hyunjin laughed on the other end, "What else are you getting at the store?"

"Way too much. They are having a sale, and…I can't resist." You spoke as you wandered the aisles. You gasped as your eyes fell on a shelf, "They have my favorite paintbrushes on sale."

"You're so cute. You know, they'll have more sales. You don't need to get everything right now."

"I kind of don't know restraint when it comes to this." You sighed, dropping the pack of paintbrushes into your basket. He hummed, "It's a good thing you know restraint when it comes to me."

"Oh, shut up." You rolled your eyes, "I shouldn't have said anything."

His voice dropped, "Well, if it makes you feel any better, it was really hard to stand so close to you and not kiss you. I'm sure everyone who works in that cafe has an insane crush on you.” You stopped in the middle of the aisle, feeling heated by his praise, "Yeah?"

"Yeah. If I was a barista there and saw you everyday… you with your pretty winter sweaters, your face when you concentrate, the look in your eyes when you taste good coffee…fuck. I'd think I was dreaming."

"I'm in public, you can't say these things to me."

"Did I say something wrong?" He asked. You shook your head, sighing, "No. You say everything right. That's the problem. And does your manager think you're high maintenance now since you insisted on going to this specific coffee shop?"

"Hey, I gotta live up to the celebrity image, sometimes" He laughed, "But no, he was more than okay with it because everybody on set got a longer lunch break."

"How convenient for them that you ran out to see me." You spoke, heading up to the self-checkout to ring up your items. He nodded, sounding a little out of breath, "I'm almost to the dance studio now. I'll call you later? Don't start on the big canvas without me." He added, and then after a pause, "God. It's insane how much I like you."

"It's almost like you have a crush on me." You smiled, "Have a great practice, baby."

"Yeah. Almost." You could feel his smile through the phone.

Like always, he sent you videos from the practice room. He was choreographing a new song. You watched the videos on the subway home, phone held away from prying eyes, eyes wide in awe of how gracefully he moved. You were smiling silly, and you had to bite the front of your hoodie to not react crazy while watching him on your little screen. There was a butterfly farm in your stomach, and your cheeks hurt from smiling. You were so lovesick that it felt like an actual fever running through you.

The woman across you on the subway was staring at you with a poignant look. Could she see how crazy in love you were? People always say you’re a changed person in love. They're right.

You’ve found a newfound love for life. Everything’s romantic and things that seemed to be completely falling apart at the seams cease to exist. Perhaps it was juvenile to be so taken by one person that your life revolved around him. But giving in to your urges, after holding back for so long felt like the greatest thing in the world.

»»————-

When you got home, there was a flyer slipped under your apartment door. It was for a new neighborhood Thai restaurant. "They got you too, huh?" A familiar voice spoke. You turned to see your neighbor, Jeongin, smiling at you, holding his copy of the flyer up.

"The prices seem way too good to be true." You laughed. He nodded, staring at the paper flyer, "Gotta appreciate the tackiness of this."

"How are you?" You asked him, leaning against your door, key still halfway in the lock. He shrugged, shaking the snow out of his cap, "What can I say? Work's the same. I'm looking forward to the holiday season and…I'm happy you chose to stay. You're kind of the best neighbour I've had."

"I haven't even done anything." You laughed. He pointed at you, "Precisely. It's hard to get the quiet, kind ones here."

You smiled, "Yeah. I'm happy I chose to stay too. Sorry that I made you carry all my suitcases down the stairs that night…I was having a crisis and thought going home would solve all my problems."

He held his hands up, "Hey, I'm just glad I didn't have to bring them back up. Your friend did the hard work."

You nodded, smile growing at the thought of Hyunjin, "Yeah." You tried to not let it distract you, as thoughts of him so often did. "Did you already eat dinner?"Jeongin shook his head, thumbing the advertisement flyer in his hand, "Nope. Are you in the mood for some Thai?"

You laughed. In this perpetual happiness, you'd say yes to everything.

»»————-

Today, you were running to catch the last ferry home. Minnie’s bag swung wildly behind her as she ran down the pier, her laughter loud, while Jeonghan cursed under his breath trying to keep pace with the two of you. You had reached out to them a few weeks ago. Just because you didn’t go to the Atelier classes anymore didn’t mean you couldn’t still have them in your life. Some days your schedules would all line up and you'd commute home on the Han River water taxis. They'd show you their artwork, you'd show them yours, complimenting and critiquing each other's works like it was your own little art club. It was a fun thing you looked forward to.

The last ferry left the dock at six pm every night, and if you missed it, you'd have a much longer, more boring commute home. The boat had started its low rumble, rope straining against the dock. You called out to the man in uniform, “Please wait!”

He sighed but held the line, foot tapping with impatience. You're sure it had something to do with the fact that they recognized you now. You were regulars on the ferries now too, and slowly you'd carved your space in this city.

You jumped over the small gap between the dock and the boat, sneakers clattering against the metal ramp. Minnie ran in after you, and you glanced back to see Jeonghan running to catch up. At last, he made it onto the boat.

"I am never doing that again." He said, eyes narrowed on you. You were still catching your breath, trying not to laugh at how red his face was from all the exhilaration, "You're literally the reason we're late. If you hadn't stopped to pick up the bungeoppang—" The employee interrupted you, "Tickets?"

Minnie showed them your passes, as you made your way up the stairs to the top deck. The wind was unforgiving as you reached the open-air top deck, and you buttoned your coat up, hands freezing. You really needed to buy yourself some winter gloves. Despite the harsh weather, the view was beautiful as the sun set over the city. It didn't feel like you were on a cheap ferry at all, it might as well have been a yacht drifting through river Seine. The skyline stretched out in front of you, and you watched it, smiling, "Best seat in the house."

"It's hard to keep up with you these days." Minnie teased, pinching your cheeks. "Ow." You squirmed, laughing, "Cold hands, Minnie. But maybe I'm just in a good mood, on account of it being such a perfect day and seeing your pretty face."

She laughed, "Your energy is infectious, baby."

You leaned far over the railing, watching the water hit the boat. "Careful, you'll go over." Jeonghan spoke, hands hovering over your waist to hold you back. You pulled yourself back, smiling at him, "How was class today, by the way?"

"It was good." He shrugged, leaning against it too, "We all miss you though. Nobody really knows why you left."

"I miss you guys too. I do not miss Jieong. And I hope you guys maintain the mystery of my departure. I can finally feel like an enigma."

"Yeah. But it seems like you've only grown after you left. All the art you've shown us in the past few weeks has been amazing. It's nice to see this side of you. Playful, happy…kind of insane." He spoke.

"Sorry, what was that last one?" You narrowed your eyes, pushing your hair out of your eyes. He chuckled. "Whatever spell's been cast on you lately, it's working."

Your smile was restrained, coy and you looked back out at the water. From here, you could see the tall Pegasus tower, where he worked. It was all glass and gorgeous. You wonder if he was in there right now, working on something amazing. Even if you couldn't share more about Hyunjin with your friends, they saw your happiness and through it, they saw him. You finally settled on the plastic seats as you talked. "You know, I saw your file in Jieong's office after you left." Jeonghan brought up. You were biting into a bungeeopang, eyebrows raised, "Oh. And?"

"And…I don't know if you were ever gonna mention this to us, but isn't it someone's birthday soon?" He asked, tilting his head as if it was some kind of conspiracy. Your eyes widened, the red bean paste sticking to your lips and you licked it off, "I guess it is."

"So what, are we not invited to the party?" Minnie pouted. You smiled, finishing the snack, "Guys, no. I'm not even having a party."

"What? Why?" She gasped, "It's…your fucking birthday. You need to celebrate."

"It just seems like a lot of effort to expect all my friends to show up, and…I don't even know what I would do." You explained. Jeonghan didn't look happy with your answer, still frowning, "It's not effort. We're your friends. Did you even tell anybody it's your birthday?"

You laughed, "No. How does that even naturally come up into conversation? I mean, my friends from back home know. Yeonjun knows, but… it doesn't matter."

Minnie and Jeonghan exchanged glances as if they needed to do something about it. You shifted closer, "Guys, please don't worry about it. The last party I had was probably when I was ten years old. I'm really okay with not making a big deal of it."

Back home, the tradition was that your friends would take you to the diner for pancakes and milkshakes, and then to the movies as Yongbok insisted. It was always like that. No fanfare, no fancy dinner, no big crowds. You'd never tried something bigger, and you don't even know if you'd like it.

"But…are you sure?" Minnie looked disappointed. You reached out to her, squeezing her hand, "I'm very sure, Minnie. It's really not that important."

They seemed disappointed with your answer.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket twice, and you knew that it was him. You snuck a glance at your texts as Minnie and Jeonghan talked amongst each other.

y/n im rehearsing all day tomorrow for this award show

You started to type in a reply, and then came in two more texts.

could you meet me outside this studio 5 am tomorrow? i know it's last minute but it's one of the few times i'll be by myself

You typed in a quick reply, phone balanced on your thigh. ill be there.

"Is this a good time to bring up that I gave your number to Karina?"

You blinked, looking up at Jeonghan, “Karina?”

“Yeah. The Karina.” He shot you a glance, “The class visited her gallery again. She asked about you.”

You lowered the snack, skeptical. “She asked about me? Why?”

He turned to you, still casually biting into his pastry, “Well…Professor Jieong must’ve mentioned you at some point. She said she’d seen your work. She was curious why you weren’t around anymore.”

Your stomach flipped. Karina was a big-time gallery curator, the kind of person who could make or break artists. You couldn’t imagine what she’d want with you.

“Anyway,” He added casually, “she said she’d reach out. Don’t freak out when she does. She’s cool.”

You nodded, but your mind was already racing with what this could mean for you.

»»————-

The pinned location Hyunjin sent you was an old ballet studio.

The sun wasn't up yet and the temperature was in the negatives. Yet, you carried two iced coffees in your hand, messenger bag swinging by your side as you walked in. Immediately, you were greeted by the warmth of the heater and a musty but comforting smell. The dance studio seemed old, but still charming. There was no one at the front desk, so you walked right past it.

You knocked lightly at the door, then sharper a second time, the rapping sound muffled by your new gloves. You waited a moment, music was playing inside and you're sure he couldn't hear you. So you pushed open the door, tentatively walking in.

The first thing you saw was yourself in the mirror. Drowning in your sweatpants, sneakers squeaking against the floor. You looked like you'd just woken up, which was true. The room was covered in mirrors on all sides. Hyunjin sat in the corner, a baseball cap tugged low over his head as he stretched, legs spread out in front of him, head bent low over his body.

He hadn't seen you come in. The music was loud enough to drown out all sounds. He did another stretch, eyes closed as he stood up, lifting his arms above his head, warming up. You didn't want to startle him, so you leaned against a table as you waited for him to finish.

Even when he stretched so simply, his body line was so disciplined. You'd always thought that the way he carried himself was artistic, like a lithe dancer, limbs loose and in control. You wish you had a sketchbook, so you could commit this to memory. Of course this was the one time you didn't carry it with you. As soon as the song ended, Hyunjin turned around. He flinched, eyes widening, "Shit. You…you scared me."

"I was trying really hard not to." You apologised, a smile forming on your face. His hand came up to his chest, catching his breath, "How long have you been in here?"

"A couple of minutes." You said, holding up his coffee cup, "I brought you breakfast. I wasn't sure if you ate yet. I found this cafe, and they have these special pastries with bubblegum candy in the middle. Can you believe that?"

His eyes fell to the coffee and pastry as he walked over to you, "Why are you perfect."

You laughed, holding your gloved hands up, "A little help?"

"Of course. You finally bought gloves." He met you halfway, grabbing your hands delicately. He then guide your wrist to his mouth, tugging your woolen mitten off with his teeth. Your eyes met his, a quiet longing building up in you. He then switched hands, ripping off the right-hand glove with his teeth, "Better?"

"Much." You smiled, reaching up on your tiptoes to hug him. Your gloves lay abandoned on the floor. His hoodie was damp, soaked with sweat but he still smelled fresh, a mix of cologne and shampoo. You sank into the hug, arms snaking around his waist, "You're so warm and cosy."

"I know. I've been dancing for a while." He pulled back, "Thanks for coming here so early."

"Of course. I'll take any chance I can get to see you." You smiled. He held his hands up, gesturing around him, "Welcome to the studio. Usually we rehearse at the company building, but when it's just me, I rent out this place."

So this was where he spent his life, training, rehearsing on repeat. You could feel the sweat and hard work radiating off the walls. You loved how casual this felt, like you and him could just spontaneously make plans like so at the drop of a hat, like you didn't need to dodge a hundred things to see each other. You crossed your arms, "It's really cute."

"It's one of my favorite studios in the city, although the acoustics are really bad and…" He pointed at a wooden panel with his sneakers, "The floor's literally falling apart but I've been coming here since I was fifteen…"

"Wow. You're loyal." You smiled. He then said, "I try. I'm going to make a donation here for Christmas so they can finally fix their studio. But today…I'm teaching a class."

"Wait, seriously?" You turned to look at him. He nodded, "There's a new class of trainees. Some boys that are interested in becoming idols. They're as young as thirteen, the oldest is sixteen, and I'm supposed to be teaching them a class today. I'm… nervous. It's going to be a lot of attention on me."

Your heart swelled at the idea of it, "That sounds amazing. They must look up to you a lot, Hyunjin."

He shrugged, running a hand through his wispy hair, "I hope so. Come on, I'll show you my playlist."

You walked over to where his laptop rested. He squeezed in behind you, watching the screen over your shoulder. He scrolled through a playlist, long fingers on the trackpad, "This is usually what I warm up to. Sometimes I freestyle to get in the mood."

The playlist was a mix of old-school rock and R&B. You could feel the warmth radiating off him, his arms around you as he navigated the laptop. There was certainly a more comfortable way to do this, but of course, you and Hyunjin were pressed up to each other in a room this big. He opened a video file, "And this is what I'm teaching them today."

You watched the video, your eyes fixed on Hyunjin in it. Some of his managers were visible in the background. Their faces were pixelated but you pointed, "Who's that?"

"That's Eunwoo. He's the one who convinced the big bosses to let me go back home. Although…it was hard to convince him too." He explained, voice soft. There was another man circling around Hyunjin, doing the same movements as him, "And him?"

"That's the choreographer. He flew in from Germany to help me out with this song.” He told you. You wonder why you were standing watching a video of Hyunjin when the real thing was right here. Maybe he didn't feel comfortable enough performing in front of you, but you voiced your thought anyway, a whisper, "Can I watch you?"

Hyunjin chuckled, "I knew you'd ask me that."

You turned around, looking up at him, "Well, of course I would. Ever since I found out you were a dancer, from that night at the bowling alley, it's all I yearn for." He chuckled at your words. You narrowed your eyes, teasing, "Isn't that why I'm here?"

His eyes searched your face, amused and fond, fingers absentmindedly touching the gold hoops in your ears, "Actually. You're here because I need you to film me."

"What?"

"Yeah. I'm rehearsing for a performance at this award ceremony. I was thinking I could just use that practice to warm myself up before the trainees arrive."

"Do you want it filmed a certain way or…?" You asked. He shook his head, "No, it's really simple. I'm going to be moving around a bit so I couldn't put my phone on a tripod. Usually a manager helps me but I—"

"But you needed an excuse to see me." You finished his sentence. He smiled wide, his eyes crinkling, "Mmh. I did."

He walked back to the center, "I'm gonna mark it first."

"What does that mean?" You laughed.

"Just gonna go over it in my head. So, don't watch yet. Look at your phone or something." He seemed embarrassed. It was adorable. "Fine" You laughed. He had headphones slung around his neck, and you sat down, biting into the pastry you'd brought. Every so often, you did glance up. He was marking steps, half-speed, committing them to muscle memory. He counted under his breath, lips moving silently as his body fell into rhythm only he could hear.

His hoodie soon came off, thrown carelessly to the side. It was getting hotter in the studio. His shirt clung to his back, the waistband of his underwear visible under his sweats. He caught you looking once, and smiled breathlessly before running the same sequence again.

You wish you had your things so you could draw him, the lines of his shoulder, the way his hair flew around him, the perfect silhouette of his body. There was something about the way he moved. It was the greatest art you'd laid your eyes on. Eventually, he stilled, eyes flicking to you, "I'm ready for you."

You grinned, chewing on the bubblegum, "Oh, are you?"

He tied his hair up quickly, tugging the strands back into a messy knot, "Can you loop the song in case I mess up? And…don't judge yet. It's not perfect."

Did he not know that everything he did was perfect? He could stand still for an hour, and you'd find a way to admire him.

You pressed play on the laptop, and the room filled with the slow opening notes of the song, Father Figure by George Michael. It was low and haunting at first. Hyunjin was in the center, his back to you, shoulders rising and falling as he drew in a breath. You walked over to him, holding his phone in your hands, beginning to film.

You were suddenly nervous to see this side of him. You could feel your heartbeat in your ears.

Then he moved. It was small, the roll of his shoulders, the tilt of his head. But every movement was so precise… like he was flicking strokes of a brush onto a canvas, but with his body. His body moved too slow, too controlled, like there were strings tied to him and every muscle and bone was its prey.

You didn't want to even blink, lest you miss a second of it. And his face…every flicker of his eyes was purposeful, as if he was even breathing to the beat of the song.

By the time the chorus hit, you felt breathless, watching his body live the song. It was magnetic. His hair had slowly come undone from the pony he'd put it up in, flying around him. He was pulling you in deeper with every move, and it must be a sin that you went this long without seeing this side of him. It must be a sin that a creature this perfect existed amongst you. A sin that you couldn't have him to yourself every hour of the day.

You suddenly felt a wave of possessiveness, selfishness, to have him all to you. It was unfair that other people got to see this side of him. His confidence grew the longer you watched him. His hooded eyes were on you, then he looked at himself in the mirror. Then back at you. It was obvious he was feeling himself.

The song was over before you could process what you were watching. As soon as it ended, you wished you could watch it again, for the first time. The final note hit, and he stopped, his breaths loud in the quiet room. The music faded out.

So this must be a new form of hypnosis.

You hope you had recorded everything the way he wanted. You hope you hadn't been reeled in and left stranded in your hopeful desire for him.

Hyunjin's eyes met yours, his hands on his hips, sweat dripping down his jaw. His hair was plastered to his temples. He said nothing. You watched each other. Your legs felt weak, even though he's the one who just performed. You pressed stop on the recording.

"Oh…" You searched for the right words, and your mouth felt dry, "That was incredible. You were incredible."

"Really?" His voice was tentative as if he could ever be something else. The word incredible was made for him. You stared at him, "Really. I'm sorry I don't have more words, I'm still thinking about what just happened."

You wish you could learn more languages so you could tell him how perfect he just was in every one. You'd learn every language in the world if that's what it took to convince him.

He let out a shaky laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. He was so shy, so humble, so nonchalant in his greatness. Unassuming of his beauty. He cleared his throat, "Did it look all right on video?"

"I think I got a good video, yeah, I'm sure I did. Hyunjin, that's probably the best thing my eyes have ever seen. The rest of the world will be very disappointing now compared." You held the phone back to him, showing him how he looked. He watched it quietly and you knew he was probably picking apart his mistakes in his head.

"Do you like it?" You asked, glancing up at him. His smile was small, "The video is perfect. Me…not so much. I messed up a few times. God, I really don't know why they asked me to teach these boys. Maybe they should've just had the dance instructor here doing this."

You brushed back the damp hair from his temple, moving his bangs out of his eyes, "I'm sure he's amazing. But they're not here to see some dude from Germany. They're here for you. You're their idol."

His eyes settled on you, "Yeah, you're right."

"You were amazing." You reassured him. His features twisted into a smile, lips parting, "That means a lot coming from you. You know I value your opinion on pretty much everything."

Your chest tightened. “I know—" Then he kissed you. You were learning that he loved to catch you off guard in these moments, like he was so overtaken by his urge that he sometimes couldn't even wait for you to finish your sentence. He was still dripping with sweat, but you didn’t care. "And…thank you for being here, and for filming me…" He murmured against your mouth, "Did I mention how much I missed you?"

"Maybe you should say it again."

His tone dropped, "I could write a song about it."

"Yeah?" Your voice came out squeaky, shaky. All your confidence reduced to nothing before his flirting. He nodded, pushing you to the mirrored wall and you let him, "Yes. I like seeing you in the morning." His hands dropped to your sweatshirt, "I like that you brought me coffee, and I like that you compromised on your sleep for me, and came here so early."

You blinked up at him, eyes wide, a deer in headlights at the man before you, "I'd compromise anything for you."

"Anything?" He tilt his head.

"Everything." It came out a whisper, as he leaned in, meeting your mouth with his. You tilt your head up, neck craning to kiss him as he towered over you. His lips were so soft. They were so wet. Or maybe yours were. In moments like this, you couldn't tell where you ended and he began. Slippery, sloppy, wet kisses, where his mouth would trail off to your jaw, slipping to the edge of your mouth because there was too much emotion and heat and no control.

Your neck hurt, from the angle, from kissing him this intense. Like he could feel your pain, his hand shifted to the nape of your neck, cushioning it against the mirror, angling it so he could kiss you deeper. His hands were all over, settling on your waist. You were on your tiptoes again. You stood there, pushed up to the wall by his body, making out like animals in heat.

Your gum was in his mouth now. He didn't care. It was so hot.

"Strawberry." He pulled back, face still inches from yours, commenting on the flavor of your gum.

"You like it?” You asked. His head sank into your neck, kissing you there, sucking on your skin. You closed your eyes, relishing in his kisses. He mumbled against your skin, "Is that even a question? It tastes like you. I love it."

Your fingers hovered over his mouth, pulling it open. You kissed him, pushing your tongue in his mouth, tasting him, "God, but it tastes so much better in you."

You felt crazy. Everything was better with his taste in it. How could you ever enjoy gum again, if not like this? He chuckled, pulling your body flush to his, "Yeah?"

"You know everyone says I'm different now. " You whispered, blinking up at him. He tilt his head, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, all my friends. Yeonjun, Minnie, Nate…even my neighbour, they said something's changed."

"Really?" His smile grew, and he pushed some of his hair back, "Actually… the boys have been the same. They've been bugging me nonstop, asking me why I've been so giddy all the time and not nearly as annoyed at them as I used to be. Even Eunwoo's noticed my mood lately..."

"I wish…we could talk to them about us.” You smiled, playing with the strings of his hoodie. He dropped his head to yours, forehead touching, nose resting against yours, "I know. I've been thinking about it, if we should tell them, or Chan at least."

"Are you serious?” You blinked, tugging at his hoodie. He nodded, "I think he'd really understand."

"I would love to tell Kairi. I…wanna talk about you all the time. It's hard to keep it to myself." You said. He tilt his head, "Yeah? What would you tell her about me?"

"Just…girl talk. How crazy you drive me. How thoughtful you are. How good you kiss.” You sang. He smiled, "I don't think she'd want to hear any of that, I'm like a little brother to her."

You laughed, "Stop. Then am I supposed to keep all these thoughts to myself?"

"No. No. Tell me. I don't qualify for girl talk?"

"Well. You kinda don't meet the only parameter." You mumbled. He pouted. You smiled, "But maybe I could make an exception for you."

He tilt his head. "Yeah? What would you tell me?"

You twirled the strings of his hoodie in your fingers, "I'd tell you how—" You were interrupted by the buzzing of his phone alarm. He jumped, startled, dropping his head, "Shit. Class is starting soon."

You regained your voice, eyes searching his, "I should be leaving you now then." He nodded, pressing his mouth to yours again, "I'm sorry to cut this short. I'll see you later, okay? Thanks for the best morning ever."

You had a feeling the rest of your day was going to be very unproductive as you replayed this moment in your head. You measured life differently now: not in hours, but in moments with him. Everything else was background noise.

You gathered your things, and Hyunjin draped your coat over you, helping you thread your arms through it. He then put on your gloves for you, slipping them over each hand delicately like it was the most important task in the world, despite your rush. You could do it yourself, but you liked when he did it. You liked being taken care of. You never had before, not like this. Never like this. He kissed you, a peck on the lips, a casual and domestic kiss and you were just lovers departing for the day, and the feeling in your chest was hard to replace.

You walked out, bag tugged on your shoulder and in your hurry, you'd forgotten your cup of coffee inside. Before you could turn back, you saw a group of teenagers walking towards the studio. They were all so young, buzzing amongst themselves with the energy of a morning field trip. You smiled to yourself as you made your way to the bus stop.

The wind was chilly on your ears and cheeks, snapping you out of your reverie. The sun was starting to rise over the horizon, casting a beautiful glow over the otherwise empty street.

"Are you here for the dance lesson?" Someone asked. You glanced up, expecting to see a teenage boy, but an older man stood there. His cologne flooded your senses. It smelled rich. He was dressed in a three-piece suit.

You wonder how you hadn't noticed him walk over to you. Your eyes trailed over him. He didn't look older than forty, but his voice commanded so much authority, like he had tens of years of experience.

"Um. No...I'm just waiting for a bus." You replied. His eyes lingered on you for a second, and you turned back to your phone to check the bus schedule until he spoke again, "You're not a dancer?"

You laughed, "No, sir. I couldn't dance to save my life. Why do you ask?"

His brows rose in mild surprise at your laugh, and he smiled. It was a kind smile, "Just curious, you know, you're waiting outside a dance studio. Just a normal assumption to make."

You turned to see the studio, and all the trainees still walking in, "Oh. I was just passing by. Seems popular though."

"Right. Right." He mumbled, "Such a shame."

You looked up at him, surprised, "Sorry?"

His eyes traveled over your face, over the sweatshirt that hung to your thighs, and then back up to your eyes, "You would have made for a pretty dancer."

Before you could think of a reply, the bus arrived.

»»————-

Everything was romantic.

Seoul was ready for Christmas soon, all the streets were dressed up in lights and there were cute snowmen made by school children on every street corner.

The art shop near your apartment was busy even at this hour. Unlike home, there was no shortage of love for art or creativity here. You made your way through the aisles, art supplies in hand, carefully avoiding bumping into anybody. It was the holiday season and this place was at its busiest. It warmed your heart to see people browse through the shelves, and it piqued your curiosity to see the things people had gathered in their baskets and carts. The checkout line was long, and you waited, hopping on the balls of your feet. A little girl in front of you was gaping up at you, eyes wide. You smiled at her, "Hey."

"Where'd you get that?" She pointed to the glitter tube in your hands. "Oh. You can just have mine." You handed it to her, "I'll buy it for you."

"Oh, you don't have to do that." Another voice interrupted and you looked up to a younger woman grabbing onto her hand, "Alex is very used to getting what she wants."

"Good to start young." You joked, and the woman laughed. She observed the stuff in your hand, "Looks like you have a fun night ahead of you."

You smiled, "Yup. Prepping for date night."

"Oh? You're quite lucky. I wish my girlfriend liked painting, but I guess my little sister likes to do it." She said, tugging at Alex's hand. You smiled as you moved up in the line. She turned back to you, "Are you an artist in residency?"

"Oh, I um…was. I used to be a student at the Atelier. Do you know of it?” You asked her. Recognition settled in her eyes and she said, "The Atelier? So you know Kim Jieong?"

His name sent a sharp feeling through your gut, but you nodded, "Yep. I had classes with him. I don't go there anymore though."

"He can be a bit of a prick."

"Prick." Her little sister repeated. You were surprised, "I'm sorry, how did you say you know him?"

"I was a student of his way back in the day. Maybe he mentioned me? I'm Karina." She extended her hand to you.

You blinked at her, shaking it back. So she was Karina. The owner of almost every art gallery in the country. The prodigy Hyunjin had told you about. You had never met her though, but you'd heard so much of her. You bit your tongue, "I've heard about you. My friend Jeonghan, or um, Nate as he likes to be called, said you talked to him. He's also in Jieong's class."

Realisation settled into her features, "You must be Y/N. I've seen your work; Jieong mentioned it when your class visited us. You have a really good eye for art. This is crazy…I've been meaning to reach out to you, but I had to babysit Alex this past week and things with the gallery got crazy."

"Oh, uh that's completely fine. Why did you want to reach out to me?" You moved ahead in the line, almost near the cashier now. Karina glanced back at you, "I was curious if you've ever worked with other artists before, different from the Atelier?"

"Um, yeah. Back home, I used to help my friend Seungmin out with art classes for tourists at this place called the Chateau, where we did events. I'm from a small town near the hills. A very touristy place and uh, that's not relevant. I…I kind of learned by watching him."

"Wow. That sounds nice. I'd love to visit there someday. What are you doing these days, if you don't mind me asking? You just mentioned you're not working with Jieong anymore."

Wasn't that the question of the century? "Just…been trying my hand at a bunch of things, trying to figure out where I fit."

"Well, this feels serendipitous. After Nate mentioned you, I've been meaning to call you. I've been looking for someone… to help me with the exhibitions and galleries. An assistant curator of sorts."

Your eyes widened, "Oh."

"Do you think you'd be interested in something like that?" She asked, so casually, in the checkout line. You didn't know what to say, “Oh…Thank you for thinking of me, but I…I don't think I'm qualified. I didn't go to university for art. I'm self-taught."

"You don't really need to be. I honestly just need someone who can stand being around paintings and pretentious artists all day without getting bored by it. It also helps if you're organised and know your way around art supplies, but…does that sound like you?"

"It...does actually.” You said. She smiled, "Well, I'll email you then. Please let me know if you're interested. That is so crazy that I ran into you just now."

"Yeah." A chuckle of disbelief. After you checked out, you handed Alex the glitter tube you'd bought. She was all smiles. Karina smiled at you at that.

It felt serendipitous indeed as you watched her leave. You called Hyunjin on your walk home, choosing to walk instead of taking the subway so you could still talk to him over the phone, "You're not gonna believe who I just ran into. Oh, wait. First things first, how did your classes go?"

"They were good! The kids were so nice. They're all so insanely talented. They were excited to meet me. I… actually felt kind of bad." He said. You frowned, "Why?"

He sighed, "They're just… so young. They have their whole lives ahead of them…and the only thing they want is to become stars? I kind of remember what it was like being that age. I'd give up anything for an opportunity but I almost wanted to tell them that being famous isn't all it's built up to be."

"But Hyunjin…" You trailed off. He added, "Don't get me wrong. I'm so grateful for my work but I'm lucky to work with my best friends. I wouldn't want to be alone in the industry. But at least, Soohyun seemed really impressed with my performance today."

"Soohyun?"

"I think I mentioned him to you, he's…the big boss. We all work under him. He terrifies me. But he seemed surprisingly happy today."

"He was there today?" You stopped at an intersection, processing his words. Hyunjin said, "Yeah. He's only there for the show of it, so all the trainees can see his face. A PR thing, you know."

"I think I ran into him. At the bus stop outside.” You bit your lip. His tone changed instantly, "What? Did he say something to you?"

"Yeah but don't worry, I…didn't give anything away. He asked me if I was there for the dance class. He was probably just curious. It wasn't a big deal." You swallowed, staring at the traffic go by you in a blur. You could hear the frown in his voice, "He knows the class was only for male students."

"Oh." You mumbled, and your stomach dropped, "But…I didn't say anything to him. Just that I was waiting for the bus. Is this gonna be a problem? He doesn't know who I am, right?"

"No…it shouldn't." He said, but he sounded unsure. You swallowed, suddenly feeling you made a big mistake, "I should've left earlier. I cut it too close."

"No, don't apologise. This isn't your fault. If anything…it's mine. I'm the one who asked you to be there. Don't worry. He didn't say anything. So he probably doesn't know anything."

"Yeah." Anxiety pooled in your stomach. It was your turn to cross the street but your legs felt unsteady. You leaned against a streetpole. You couldn't have fucked this up already. You'd only just started. You had your entire life left with him.

"Um, you said you had something to tell me. Who did you run into?" Hyunjin asked. You shook your head, "No, it's not important. I…I'm sorry about what happened with Soohyun. I shouldn't have said anything."

"Baby, don't worry about it. I'm sure it's fine. He has no idea who you are and he probably talked to you because he thought you were pretty. He can be like that with younger women."

You nodded, taking in a breath, "Right... "

He was quick to respond, "Y/N. Please stop. You're overthinkimg. You didn't fuck anything up. Trust me. Would it help you if I talked to Chan about this?"

"What? But I thought we can't tell him."

"I know that's what I said. But…if it'll make you feel better, Chan's the one person I trust to help me protect this. And Kairi's your friend. I know how much you wanted to share this with her. Maybe it's time they know. And then they can tell you themselves that it's no big deal, okay?"

“Really?" You asked. He said, "Really. We can tell them tomorrow. Please stop worrying about this. I can't let you do that cause of me."

"I know. I just felt…stupid. Like a dumb mistake like this could unravel everything. I'm not done with you.” You said. He laughed, "And you don't have to be. I promised you, didn't I? I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

You swallowed, "Yeah."

"And if hearing that from Chan will make you feel better, then we'll tell him. I can't handle you being stressed, not because of me."

"Okay. Tomorrow then. We tell them."

“Tomorrow."

»»————-

“There are so many people here,” you muttered under your breath. “It's the middle of the day on a Tuesday. Does nobody have a job?”

Kairi laughed, grabbing a ceramic bowl and placing it in her basket, "You're here too."

"Yeah, yeah." You sighed, "I'm here to give you company."

You'd decided to meet Kairi where you usually hung out, a vintage thrift store where she was shopping for holiday gifts. The store was huge and full of tacky home goods. Couples wandered the aisles hand-in-hand, picking out quirky vases and lamps. After your conversation with Hyunjin last night, you couldn't hold it in any longer. You were finally gonna confess to her. You'd been building up to it this whole time, making useless small talk about homegoods when really you just wanted to blurt it out.

"I thought you'd enjoy holiday shopping and picking out trinkets, you know being as artsy as you are. Yet, you've been on edge all morning." She said, giving you an incredulous look. She looked pretty today, like always. In a lavender cardigan and beanie, her kohl-lined eyes were focused on yours. You leaned against the shelf, careful not to knock over any ceramic, "Well, I wanted to tell you something."

She tilt her head, eyes still scanning the shelf for any hidden finds, "Tell me."

You looked around. The aisle was surprisingly empty, despite the store being crowded. You pushed your hands in your pockets, staring at your trainers. The words spilled out before you could second-guess yourself, "I'm just gonna get right to it because it's killing me. Something happened at your dinner party. Between me and Hyunjin."

Her brows lifted, her entire posture sharpening as she stepped closer to you. “You guys …slept together?"

"Uh, No. We…decided to give it a shot." You continued, "Me and him."

Her reaction was instant, her eyes went huge, and she whipped her head around instinctively to scan the store — even though you had just done that. No one was paying attention, but her voice still dropped to a sharp whisper. “Holy Shit. What? You're…saying that you're together? Like you're dating?"

“Yeah. I suppose." You looked up at her, swallowing hard, "Your hands are shaking. Let me take that." You grabbed the ceramic plate from her hands, pressing your fingers into it as if it could absorb your nerves.

"And you decided to tell me right now? In the middle of holiday shopping?" Her voice raised an octave. You squeezed your eyes shut, "I…I didn't wanna make it a big deal, because it's not."

"I really thought you were gonna tell me that you guys had sex. I was expecting that. But… I didn't expect this." She said. You blinked, "We…haven't yet."

"I'm just surprised." She added, "Does Chan know?"

"Hyunjin is telling him right now."

Understanding sank into her, "Is that why you came with me to the store and he insisted Chan on going to the botanical gardens with him? The double whammy."

You blinked, thrown. You hadn’t known that was the plan. Of course Hyunjin would choose something as absurdly romantic as a garden. “I did actually want to see you too.” you muttered. An amused smile curled at her lips, her eyes glinting. “Right.”

Your stomach tightened. “Are you upset at me? For not telling you?"

She leaned back, arms crossed loosely, as if weighing her words. Then she shook her head. “It's been weeks since my dinner. You guys hid it well. I’m impressed. That's why you were so happy when you guys came downstairs. Ugh, I feel embarrassed now becsuse all of us were pretty sure you guys were you know…doing it. I don't think any of us could have seen this coming.”

"Oh. Uh, why? Is it that hard to believe?" Your chest squeezed strangely. Her eyes widened, she shook her head, "No. It's just…Hyunjin was adamantly against this. I didn't expect him to change his mind."

"Me neither. It was honestly a surprise to me too.” You said. She frowned, "I hope you still had time to think through your decision before saying yes."

You swallowed, "I mean, there was no question about it for me."

Her head tilted, “What changed his mind? Is he telling Jisung and Changbin?"

"I think he's going to tell them soon. Their schedule has been so crazy with the awards and the fashion shows."

"So where do you two meet?" She asked, curious. You bit your lip, "Wherever we can. He picks me up in his car sometime. We talk a lot on the phone. We’re being really careful.”

"Have you seen him in public at all?" You started to answer, but she continued, "Because if you have, I hate to say it, but that’s not careful enough.”

You froze, surprised by the bluntness, "Um. We haven't really…"

She reached ahead for your hand, speaking, "I didn't mean that in a negative way… I was just being candid. From my experience. It is hard when you start out. But it gets easier. You just have to keep reminding yourself what it’s worth…what you’re willing to give up.”

Your brows furrowed, her words gnawing at you as you thumbed the ceramic dish in your hands, “I guess I don’t see it as giving something up.”

A small smile ghosted over her lips, though her gaze stayed serious. She wasn’t teasing you anymore, her eyes were kind. “Have you told any friends or family?”

You shook your head. “No, of course not.” For once, you felt proud, like maybe you’d finally given her the right answer.

“I think you should tell them.” Her reply came quick, almost too quick. Your smile faltered, “But…we’re supposed to keep it a secret.”

“Yeah, from the public. Not from your loved ones.” She leaned in, lowering her voice as if the customers in the store could hear, “God forbid something happens, if it ever leaks…you wouldn’t want them to find out from the news, right? It’s better if they hear it from you. And…you guys need to think of a contingency plan, in case things ever go south, to make sure you're safe and protected."

You didn't ever want to hear the words 'contigency plan' when talking about your boyfriend, but that's just how things were. Your chest tightened. What she said made sense, but you couldn't quite wrap your head around it. Sure, you could tell Yeonjun and your other friends, but that was only for the worst-case scenario. Right now, you liked the secret. It felt like something you could protect from the world. Kairi must have noticed how your expression dipped; her features softened immediately. “I didn’t mean to scare you. This is just…real life, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“Shit.” She pressed her palms to her cheeks. “What am I doing? I’m being a total bummer. Can we rewind?” She reached over, squeezing your shoulder. You cracked a faint smile, looking back up at her, “But I want to hear the real stuff, Kair”

“Okay, then the real stuff is this: I’m really really fucking happy for you, Y/N. I know how much you like him. I’m glad you two finally decided to sort things out and that you're no longer fighting. That was a really hard watch for me and Chris.”

“Thank you.” Warmth spread through your chest. Her smile was small, but steady. “It’s easy to get anxious about these things. But you can’t let that control you, okay?”

"Definitely." You smiled, putting the ceramic bowl back onto the shelf. Kairi clapped her hands together as if she’d discovered some newfound energy. “Alright. Guess we're gonna have to do some double dates now then, huh?”

»»————-

It was a regular Thursday night when your phone buzzed with a voice note. Hyunjin’s voice crackled through, low and playful, “I was thinking we could do something different today.”

You pressed play again, grinning at the sound of him and replied, "What did you have in mind?”

A pause, then another message from him. “I don’t know if you heard…but there’s supposed to be a meteor shower later tonight. We can’t see it from the city though. I was thinking we could drive up this hill nearby. Chan and Kairi are in for it too.”

Your heart tugged at the casual way he said it — like inviting you on such a plan, alongside his best friend and his girlfriend, was the most natural thing in the world. It'd been only a few days since you told them, and they'd taken it so well. It was nice to not be alone in it anymore.

“That…sounds amazing,” you smiled into your phone. It's not like you had anything else planned anyway. The forecast said it would snow into the early hours of the morning and you're not sure how Hyunjin planned to alter the weather for the meteor shower. But you trusted him. If anyone could pull something like that off, it'd be him.

He picked you up late, car waiting a street over from your apartment like usual. It was different than the one he'd picked you up from the last time. Dark blue in color, it looked right out of a luxury car commercial.

“Is this another rental?” You asked, sitting inside.

"Yup." Instinctively, he reached over to pull your seatbelt over your body, clicking it into place. You smiled. You loved when he acted like that with you, like you were his to take care of. He then turned the heater up for you.

"Hey." Chan spoke from the backseat, arm lazily draped around Kairi, "We find ourselves in a car together again. I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."

You looked back at them and how cosy they seemed. Chan was dressed in all black, and Kairi matched him as you said, "We last met at Kairi's dinner, didn't we?"

"That we did. It's nice to see you again." He smiled, "When Hyunjin told me about the two of you, you know what I was thinking?"

"That it's a terrible idea?" You bit your lip. He laughed, "No. I was thinking 'finally.' This boy finally had the guts to tell me."

"So you knew?" You gasped. He smiled, "I guess, in a way. Hyunjin was suspiciously happy, and…I haven't seen him like that in a long time. He was also going on a lot of late night drives. He was suddenly not a pain in the ass anymore."

Hyunjin glanced at him in the rearview, eyes narrowed, "Hey, if you really knew, why didn't you ask me about it?"

"I was waiting for you to tell me. I'm not gonna pressure you. I'm a good guy like that, you know?” Chan shrugged. You smiled at him, "I'm glad you know. Also, I hear you've been writing the next pop hit."

Chan laughed, "Well, trying, trying. We'll see how the fans like it."

"They're obviously gonna love it." Kairi smiled.

Once you were out of the city traffic, Hyunjin drove like he’d been waiting all week for this, one hand on the wheel, the other tapping along to the song blasting through the speakers. A French rock song came on, and Hyunjin turned the volume all the way up. There was a little dashboard where you could see the lyrics, almost like your own karoake room in the car. Kairi was trying to sing along, messing up most of the lyrics.

“Those are not the words!” You said over the music, making Hyunjin laugh. His eyes crinkled, loud laughter echoing through the car. Chan said, "You know. Hyunjin told me the story. But I'm gonna have to hear it from you. Last I remember, you guys were yelling at each other. What changed?"

It was embarrassing now, how much you'd fought him, how much anger you'd held in yourself after he'd ghosted you. You swallowed, trying not to misspeak, trying to make this as simple as possible because things had once been so complicated, "I don't know. I was about to leave and go back home. He showed up at my doorstep trying to convince me to stay. I guess it worked."

Things were so simple now.

"Romantic. The result of watching all those holiday romance movies." Chan commented, "He can be really convincing like that."

Hyunjin laughed, "I…just didn't want her to leave. Even if she hated me. I know Seoul's the place for her."

You stared at him, smiling through his words, "You're right. I've been meaning to tell you. I…uh…also ran into Karina."

He glanced at you, "What?"

"And she asked me to work with her. Or…for her. As a curator of sorts for some art galleries…I'm not sure yet. We only had a casual conversation about it. I don't know if I'm gonna qualify for it."

"Holy shit no…that's amazing." Hyunjin said, his face lighting up, "You…you would be perfect at that. You were so great at the Chateau."

"Ah. Is this the Chateau I heard about all summer?" Chan asked. You nodded, "Yeah. I used to work there."

Hyunjin reached over, grabbing your hand, "Are you excited to work with her?"

You nodded, "I am, yeah. It'll be something new and different…and I'll be nice to get paid again and not eat out of my savings."

Chan and Kairi were talking again in the backseat as he explained to her who Karina was, but Hyunjin squeezed your hand, voice lowering, "I can't believe you didn't immediately tell me. I'm so proud of you. You know that, right?"

You flushed, "I didn't do anything yet."

"You're going to. You'll be great at it." He whispered, one hand lifting yours to press a kiss to it, other on the steering wheel. The tenderness of the gesture melted you. He was proud of you, and you hadn't even done anything yet.

I love you. You wanted to tell him. I love you more than anything. There were so many instances you almost slipped up and said it. But there was a time and place for it, and maybe the first time you say it to him should be special, and it should just be the two of you and not when you were fighting to be heard over French rock, but you figure he must already knew how much you loved him. Wasn't it obvious to everyone in the world? You bit your tongue and smiled, "Thank you. I'm proud of you too."

Another rock song queued up, louder, messier. Hyunjin cranked the volume higher and leaned into it, mouthing all the words. You watched him in awe. Of course he knew French. It's not like he was already the sexiest version of himself he could be. He was singing along, but mostly laughing at his friends attempts in the backseat. Kairi was yelling the lyrics, a mumble of French and Korean.

"What does this song even mean?" You laughed, trying to look up the lyrics. Hyunjin looked at you, and you were surprised he heard you over the loud music, "It means…everything is working out for me."

You smiled, cheeks hurting from the frequency of your smiles, "I like the sound of that."

Hyunjin drove fast, and the further up the hill he drove, the windier it seemed to get outside and you peered out your window. “We’re almost here!” Hyunjin announced over the music, rolling his window down just a tad. A rush of icy wind tore through the car, and snow scattered across your lap. You laughed as it melted instantly against the heat inside, dampening your thighs.

“Are we even gonna be able to see the meteors?” Chan asked, craning his neck toward the windshield. “The snow is relentless.”

Hyunjin just nodded, unbothered, his eyes on the road. “It’s supposed to stop in ten minutes.”

“Okaay,” you said, half-laughing, “I don't know how we're getting out to watch the shower. It's fucking freezing outside!”

The car came to a stop. Hyunjin glanced at them in the rearview mirror, then at you.“We’re not getting out,” he said simply.

You blinked at him, confused. “What?”

He was grinning now, a boyish smile tugging at his lips. “Okay… this better work.”

And then he pressed a button.

There was a mechanical whir, low at first, then louder, followed by a rush of cold air as the roof began to retract. Snowflakes swirled into the car like confetti, the night sky opening above you inch by inch. For a second, nobody spoke. The car filled with the sound of wind and your own startled laughter as you realized what was happening. “There’s actually no fucking way.” Chan exclaimed.

“You rented a fucking convertible?” You gasped, raising your voice to be heard over the wind. Hyunjin let out a giggle, smiling at you, eyes nervous, “You like it? They said I could rent any car and I just thought….why the hell not?”

"This is insane." Kairi laughed. So this was why he'd asked you to bundle up warm tonight.

“Are you kidding? This is perfect.” You reached over the armrest, unable to stop yourself. Hyunjin was laughing, hair whipping in the fast wind, dimples flashing and then you were kissing him, your hand fisted in the back of his neck to pull him to you. Too much force. Too much emotion but he melted into it immediately. His palm warm against your cheek, holding you steady as the cold air whipped around you. It was a scene from a film. Snowflakes fell into your hair, melting down your collar, but the car’s heat and your lover's lips kept you warm.

You barely remembered Chan and Kairi were there until Kairi’s giggles floated up from the backseat, half-drowned out by the music. That alone made you pull away, breathless, biting your lip. You'd never felt this desire to him as strong as now. Every time you thought you'd reached your peak, he did somethimg else and it got stronger everyday. Was this what it would be like to be in love for the rest of your life? Your frame of reference of happiness had changed. It was all his doing. A wave of lust and love overcame you as you spoke to him, “You’re so fucking unbelievable.”

Even as you were living it, you already knew it would be one of those memories you’d replay forever, your cheeks aching as you felt the cold snow on your face. Hyunjin smiled, eyes bright as he tilted his chin toward the sky. “See? I told you the snow would stop.”

And he was right. The cloud cover was breaking. You tilt your head back for a better view, your chest full with a happiness so sharp it hurt.

“Any minute now,” Chan mumbled. The car was still blasting rock. A playlist of Hyunjin's you’d never heard till now, a new side to him. The head-bopping, French-singing side. You reached into your bag for your camera, fingers fumbling through it. Before you could raise it, Hyunjin’s hand found your thigh, grounding you, tugging you closer, getting your attention.

“Y/N,” he murmured. You looked up. just in time to see a streak rip across the sky. “Fuck.” Your breath caught in your throat. Another meteor followed, and another, each brighter than the last.

“That’s beautiful,” Chan said softly. You glanced at Hyunjin, as if asking for permission and he nodded, like he could read your mind so well. He knew you so well. No one in the world knew you like he did.

You stood up inside the car as you were, hands resting on the windsheld for balance. Hyunjin steadied you with your hands on your waist. From here, you could see it so clearly. Streaks of stars across the sky, zipping fast so beautifully. You could never recreate this feeling again, but you'd damn sure try. You were blessed to be an artist after all.

You watched the sky in silence. It reminded you of being on top of the Chateau with Hyunjin, when he showed you all the stars and the lights.

“What do you think?” Hyunjin asked, his voice quiet, like he didn’t want to break the spell. You looked back down at him. His face was tilted up toward you, eyes wide, pupils blown, like he was starstruck too. In the irises of his eyes, you could see the reflection of the sky, and of the burning meteors. And in that moment, you loved him more than you’d ever thought possible. It was an impossible feeling, bursting to be let out of your chest.

You immediately bent toward him, acting on instinct and no thought. I love you. I'm so lucky to love you. He met you halfway, neck craned up, hand on your waist as you stood in the car and he sat in it and you kissed each other halfway.

You couldn’t believe this was your life. That he was real. That this boy who used to feel like a faraway teenage dream to you, was now kissing you under a meteor shower.

Hyunjin deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping into your mouth and you were missing the rest of the meteor shower. You didn't care because there was a cosmic event everytime you two kissed. Your body felt like it was on fire, the cold wind on your cheeks, in your hair, his hands grounding you in place. If you let your inhibitions take over you, you'd strip off the fabric between you right this second so you could feel him in you.

You’d never felt as alive as you did right now. You pulled back to breathe, head falling up to the sky again as streaks of meteors followed. You didn’t know how long they would last so you watched in urgent awe.

“Give me your camera,” Hyunjin mumbled, still breathless. You handed it over, and he leaned back in his seat, snapping pictures to capture the moment before it was over.

When the rush finally calmed, you sat down again, sinking into your seat, eyes on the sky. After a few moments, Hyunjin stretched out across the seat and you lay across him, head resting on his chest. Your feet rest on the window. This way, you had a perfect view of the sky and of him. It was so beautiful.

Chan and Kairi slipped out of the car, crunching through the snow so he could take pictures of her against the view. Their voices drifted back to you in fragments. Kairi was giggling, “They’re so obvious.”

“You think they’ve said it yet?” Chan’s whisper carried, low but clear enough to set your heart racing. The rest broke off with the wind. You leaned forward, straining, but they’d turned away, words swallowed by the night. “You cold?” Hyunjin asked, distracting you from dissecting Chan’s words, and you looked back up at him. Even from this angle, he looked perfect, like his face was assembled by the gods, structured perfectly. You shook your head, “No, I’m great.”

He smiled, eyes flickering over your body, “You have goosebumps.”

“Probably because you’re so close to me.” You whispered. He rubbed his hands over your arms, “We should probably close the top.”

“Noo. It's fine.” You didn’t want the moment to end. He sighed, “I don’t want you to get sick.”

He was probably right. You sat up, twisted to face him, “You’re sweet.”

“Okay. Just a few minutes longer.” He smiled. You sat back, enjoying this while it lasted. The meteors were less frequent now, but still prominent through the wispy clouds. Hyunjin held you close, hand holding yours, enjoying the sight. When you looked out, Chan and Kairi were sharing a kiss of their own, quiet and tender in the snow. Hyunjin was watching them too. You squeezed his hand, pulling his gaze back to you. “The last time you brought me out to stargaze, you were telling me about them. Do you remember?”

His lips curved. “Of course I remember. The night I kissed you for the first time.”

“After you spent the whole night insisting we were just friends to anybody who would listen.”

“I know.” He chuckled, leaning in. “I remember.”

You smiled at him. You’d come so far from then. The emotions overcame you, and you sat up, kissing him again. Hyunjin grabbed your thigh, kissing you back, mumbling, “You’re happy tonight.”

“Of course I am.” You mumbled between pecks. Because I love you. Because I'm gonna love you for the rest of my happy, perfect life. He pulled you to him, and your body was half on his, half on the armrest.

“Okay! We ready to be warm again?” Chan interrupted, poking his head through the window. Hyunjin only laughed, refusing to break the kiss as he reached blindly for the button. The roof started slowly closing up on you.

Chan watched you two, "Actually, I feel bad breaking up your moment. Since you were so nice to drive us here, let me drive us back."

"Chan, you don't have to—"

"No, I want to. Get in the back, kids." He motioned. So, you and Hyunjin slid into the back as Kairi and Chan took your seats. They rolled the windows up, and the car was getting warm again. You still had goosebumps, and Hyunjin handed you his own jacket, draping it over your body as you looked out the window. He would never let you be cold. Chan drove out, switching out the rock for a rap playlist. You glanced at Hyunjin, and he was already smiling at you, head resting against the seat, a lazy smile on his features.

"Thank you for doing this. That was amazing." You mumbled. His voice was low, eyes hooded, "I did it for you. To see you smile like this."

"Everything you do makes me smile." You admitted. He wrapped his arm around you, pulling you into him to kiss him. Chan and Kairi were talking, the music was still loud, it didn't seem like they cared about what you were doing in the back. "That was one of my favorite memories." You sighed into his mouth. Hyunjin grabbed your thigh, hooking it over his, so you were even closer to him than before. He kissed you, still touching you tenderly. Your hand dropped to his lap, but you restrained yourself.

"Hey…the driver would really appreciate if we keep all arms and legs inside the vehicle and don't have sex in the backseat." Chan mumbled, with a half-laugh. Hyunjin's eyes snapped open, his face immediately going red, "We're not…"

You giggled. For a second, it seemed like Hyunjin might pull away. But then his arm tightened around you, holding you firmly against him so you wouldn't move away. Chan and Kairi were talking again up front, distracted, but Hyunjin’s focus was entirely on you. You pulled back, "Will you come over tomorrow? I…want to work on the canvases with you."

He nodded, "Of course I'll come." His mouth found yours once more, slower now, deliberate, like he wanted to prove something. Your heart pounded as you kissed him back, settling into his arms, letting him feel you up all the way home.

The car hummed with warmth as Chan drove you back. You curled deeper into Hyunjin's chest, deeper into him, your cheek rising and falling with his chest. Chan and Kairi’s voices had quieted to a low murmur in the front, the music looping into softer songs now, but you barely noticed. All you felt was his arm around you, his thumb tracing circles against your back, heartbeat strong beneath your ear.

»»————-

You woke to Hyunjin shaking you awake, whispering your name. You hadn't realised you'd fallen asleep in the car, on your way home from the meteor shower, head buried in his chest.

"Hey." He was whispering against your ear, lips against your skin. You unwillingly opened your eyes, looking up at him in your sleep-muddled state, "Hyun."

He smiled at you like an angel, "We're almost there."

"Is she awake?" Chan was asking from the front. You sat up, a yawn escaping, "Yes. Sorry."

"Don't be. It's good you slept through all the traffic." He smiled, "I think we're twenty minutes out from your place."

"Did you need the directions?" You cleared your throat, waking yourself up. Chan looked at you through the rearview mirror, "No, Hyunjin knows the way. Don't worry about it."

You nodded, covering another yawn, "I can't believe I fell asleep."

Hyunjin's arm was around you, playing with your hair, "Don't be sorry. It's probably the cold."

"Thanks for driving us back, Chan." You said. He nodded, but his voice had dropped, "Of course."

His eyes kept flickering to the rearview mirror.

"Everything okay?" Kairi asked him. Chan nodded, "Yeah, yeah. Just…has that car always been behind us?"

On instinct, you and Hyunjin turned around. The road wasn't too busy anymore, but you could see a dark car trailing behind you. Hyunjin frowned, "Not sure."

Chan shifted in his seat, "I feel like I saw it twenty minutes ago, on the freeway."

Kairi's tone changed, "Are you serious?"

"What does that mean?" You asked them.

The atmosphere suddenly seemed tense. Hyunjin squeezed you, "Don't worry about it. It's probably just a coincidence."

"I'm gonna make a turn here." Chan spoke, pulling into a random alley, "Let's see what this guy does."

You were still half-asleep, trying to make sense of their hesitation. You turned around, peering through the back window. Sure enough, the car turned into the alley too, slowly.

"This fucker." Chan mumbled, under his breath.

"What is it?"

He let out a sigh, "Someone's been following us."

"What?"

"It's probably the paparazzi. Someone from the news outlet. They always have those sedans. He's been trailing us for about an hour. I can't believe I missed this."

Your eyes widened, and you glanced at Hyunjin. He looked stressed, staring out the window, jaw clenched. You asked, "So what…what does that mean? He knows we're in here?"

Chan replied, getting back onto the main street, "No, probably not all of us. But he must have realised it's a company rented car. I think he has an idea. He's probably waiting for us to stop, hoping to figure out who's in here."

"So…what should we do?" You asked. Kairi and Hyunjin were both unnaturally quiet. They acted like this was normal, being followed by a stranger in the night. Your heart was pounding so hard.

Chan looked around, checking the side mirrors, "We…probably can't drive you home, Y/N. This guy will find out where you live."

You leaned forward, zipping up your jacket, "Oh. Okay."

Hyunjin was still quiet and his arm dropped from your side. Chan glanced at you, "I'm trying to figure out... You might have to get out at the next turn. Before he follows or sees you get out. I could take you to the closest subway."

You nodded, "Right. Okay. That's fine." You immediately grabbed your bag, fastening up your shoes.

"It's four am. We can't leave her at a subway station alone, Chan." Hyunjin spoke up. You glanced at him. His jaw was clenched tight, and you could see the anger in his eyes.

"Do you have a better idea, Hyunjin? Because this dude is relentless." Chan responded.

"I…I'll be fine." You said, hand on Hyunjin's arm, reassuring him even though you were scared. But you couldn't show him that. This is the stuff you'd signed up for to be with him even though it terrified the hell out of you.

"I can go with her." Kairi offered.

"Guys, I don't need that. I'll be fine on my own. I'll just get on the next train home." You said, looking between them.

"I mean, I have to get out anyway." Kairi glanced at you, "This guy's probably gonna follow them all the way back to their dorms."

"He's about fifty yards behind us. I think if I pull up under an overpass, that'll get you enough time to get out before he makes you." Chan added.

"Fucking hell." Hyunjin spoke, louder now, "I swear, I want to see this guy's face."

"No, that sounds like a terrible idea." Kairi said, an image of ever present calm despite her harsh tone, "This is who they are. They're doing their jobs. They're not gonna stop."

"Hyun, I'll be fine." You said to him, trying to get him to look at you. He sighed, "I'm sorry. This is my fault."

"Hyunjin." You interrupt him, "It's fine. I'll be fine. I had an amazing night regardless—"

"We can't leave them in the middle of the street, Chan. It's late. It's not safe." He interrupted, like he hadn't heard you. He wasn't even looking at you, only responding to Chan.

"We don't really have a choice, Hyunjin." Chan responded, speeding up so he could pull under the overpass, "Okay, I'm pulling in now. We'll have a red light between us. The subway should be right down the block."

You grabbed your purse, and Kairi unbuckled her belt. You had seconds to get out, before the guy saw you were in their car. All of your sleep had vanished into adrenaline.

"Come on." Kairi said, pushing open her door in urgency. You got out, glancing back at Hyunjin quickly. His eyes were on yours for a split second, unsettling, upset, angry. You didn't know what to say. Kairi closed the doors behind you, looking at Chan, "I love you. Don't worry about us."

Before you could say anything to Hyunjin, the light had changed to green. Kairi pulled you away from the car, just in time. They drove off fast, and Kairi tugged you into the subway steps, rushing down the stairs so fast you were running, stumbling over your steps. The subway station was dinghy, empty save for a few people.

"That was crazy." You mumbled, trying not to think of the expression on Hyunjin's face and your heart was pounding so hard you thought you might pass out, "Is that…normal?"

"Only a couple of times." She spoke, letting go of your hand so she could pay at the turnstile. You stopped in your tracks, the adrenaline suddenly catching up to you. Your knees felt weak. What the fuck just happened?

"Y/N…" Kairi called out, looking back at you. Her gaze met yours, but she looked concerned.

"I…need a second." You tried to calm your breathing. She came up to you, "Y/N…You look like you're going to pass out. Sit down."

You lowered yourself onto the steps, struggling to stay calm. "I…I'm sorry. I'm freaking out."

Kairi bent down in front of you, "Hey, hey. Look at me. You're fine. We're fine, okay?"

"I just…I'm sorry. I don't mean to…I'm just…"

Her hands cradled your face, "I know, I know. It was really scary. I'm sorry to rush you. That was insane."

"That was…crazy." You mumbled. Kairi looked around, spotting a 24/7 stall in the subway station, "I'm gonna get you some water. Okay. Stay seated. I'll be right back."

"Mmh-hmm." You nodded, dropping your head onto your knees. You were asleep only ten minutes ago and this literally felt a nightmare. Your eyes were brimming with tears. You needed to calm down. You were panicking. For no good reason. You were safe. Nothing had happened. This is just what you had to do to be with him. This was exactly what you'd signed up for. No big deal.

"Hey lady, you need help getting home?" A raspy voice interrupted. You looked up to see an older man stumbling towards you, a smile on his face. Your gaze moved to Kairi. She was still at the stall, digging into her jeans for coins for your water bottle.

"No, I'm fine." You responded, but your voice came out weak.

"Come on. You don't look so good. It's late. I'll take you home." He said, words slurring together as he came closer to you.

"Get the fuck away from her." Kairi said, walking over and in between you. The guy stopped in his tracks, gaze intense.

"Kairi…" You started to say, but the man rolled his eyes, "Whatever."

He walked away, and Kairi came to sit next to you, handing you the bottle of water. Your hand was shaking as you grabbed it and you hated yourself for being so weak. "Thank you." You spoke, sipping on it. She was peering at you, "Of course. The water should help."

"I'm sorry. I'm such a fucking pussy." You mumbled, taking a sip of the cold water.

"What? No. That…that was intense. And…you literally were still half-asleep, I can't imagine how panicked you felt."

You shook your head, "No. I should be able to handle this better. Like you did."

"Y/N…I've had years of practice. That's not fair to you. And this shit still freaks me out. Those press outlets are assholes. They make their money off our misery, and it's okay to be scared."

You looked up at her, voice trembling, "Please don't tell Hyunjin about this."

"What?"

"I don't want him to know that I freaked out."

"Why?" She frowned, searching your teary gaze.

"Because…he'll think I'm not ready for this. But I am. I can be strong about this."

"Y/N…Hyunjin will understand—"

"I don't want him to know that I can't handle this." Your lip was trembling, "This stuff that's so easy for you guys, should be easy for me too. It has to be."

Kairi's expression softened, and it looked like she wanted to say something, but instead she just nodded, "Okay. I won't bring this up. But I hope you know that the way you're reacting…is normal. We shouldn't be used to this."

You swallowed, "I'm just glad we told you guys about us. It's selfish, I know. I'm being selfish for saying this but between the two of us, I don't think I could have handled this alone tonight."

She smiled, wiping a stray tear on your cheek, "You could have. And despite that, I still had a great night with you."

You nodded, trying to go back to the moment of the meteor shower, "Right. Me too. I…had a great time."

"Let's get home, okay?" She grabbed your hand, helping you stand up. You waited on the platform. The crowd wasn't the best this late at night. Just as you got onto the train, your phone began buzzing. Hyunjin was calling you. You cleared your throat, picking up, hoping your voice sounded strong, "Hey."

"Y/N. Are you home?" His voice sounded frantic, cutting up as the train began moving underground.

"Not yet. I just got on the train."

"Are you okay?" He asked, after a pause, "Is Kairi still with you?"

"Yes. I…" You locked eyes with Kairi "We're fine." His concern immediately wanted to make you cry again, but you held back. You had to be tougher than this.

"I'm sorry that happened." He was apologizing, but you could only hear him in pieces.

"I can't really hear you. I'm on the train. I gotta go."

"Y/N…" He started to say something, but the line went dead. You hung up, staring at Kairi. She leaned against the pole, eyes heavy on yours, "You good?"

You nodded, trying to think back to how perfect the night had been, relishing in that memory.

»»————-

It was your birthday next week, and there was a leak in your apartment.

Not that those two things were related, but it had unfortunately made all your days pass by trying to come up with solutions. In theory, it was a great distraction from your inner turmoil.

You immersed yourself in your art, bringing your body back to stasis. The events of the night of the meteor shower still hung heavy on you, and you'd told Hyunjin it didn't affect you. It did. But you wouldn't complain about it, this is exactly what you'd signed up for when you agreed to jump headfirst into this relationship. Sometimes you wish you could just run away to a place no one knew the two of you. It would mean giving up everything in his life, and in yours, but it could feel worth it.

You'd resorted to painting art for your apartment, little canvases that you hung up by the door, by the bed, by the kitchen. Hyunjin was busy with holiday schedules, but he checked in on you, every day, every night before you slept. You hadn't talked yet about what happened despite all the times he unsuccessfully tried to bring it up. You didn't really know what to say. You didn't want to talk about it. It was the biggest I told you so. He knew this could happen, that's why he'd pushed you away for so long. Crying about it would mean admitting defeat. It would mean admitting he was right all those months ago to not pursue you.

Tonight he was supposed to be at a big award show, so you sat in front of the TV, with your big canvases laid out, catching glimpses at it. Soon he would be flying out to another country, miles away from you. You would have to be strong and get through this alone. And then you would be a year older, and then the year would change and everything would be fine and this would just be a distant memory.

You dipped your paint in the mug of water, painting the outlines of your art. You recognised a few of the people on the TV, some friends of his that he'd mentioned but it was like watching a broadcast from another world. You didn't really know any of those people and never would. You could never really meet his famous friends.

As you painted, you wondered if you should do something for your birthday after all. It could be a last resort to cheer yourself up. You stared at the television, hoping to catch a glimpse of him or his band. They were supposed to perform. He'd been rehearsing for that all month. As you waited, you mentally made a list of people to invite to your hypothetical party, people you knew in the city, but halfway through that activity you realise you didn't really care about the random classmates you'd only known for two months. If it was up to you, you'd spend your day with him. But he wouldn't even be here for it. He would be a thousand miles away at a fashion show and he would never even know it was your birthday.

You painted in silence, focusing on the art, on the award show in the back. Seeing him on TV was surreal. It was distant. You wish he were here.

There was a knock at your door. You reached for your remote, muting the broadcast and walked over. It was probably Jeongin, asking you to grab Khao Soi again. You yanked the door open, thick blanket hanging around your shoulders, a symbol of your internal mourning.

But Hyunjin stood there, real and in the flesh and not on your TV screen, leather trench coat over his body, a bag in his hand, relief in his eyes at seeing you. "Hi." He smiled, leaning against your doorframe. Your eyes widened and you didn't feel prepared, "I thought you were at the award show."

"I was. Until I left." He said, "Can I come in? It's freezing in your hallway."

"Um. Yes." You stepped aside to make room for him. In all the time you'd been together, he hadn't been able to come up to your apartment. You were confused at the award show that was still playing, "Isn't the broadcast live?"

"No, we prerecorded our performances. We're not winning any more awards tonight so... Chan said it'd be fine if I left. Everyone's too busy celebrating our win to notice I'm gone." He walked over to your couch, observing the TV and the mess on the floor, "Why is all your stuff here?"

"I've been sleeping on the couch." You admitted. Hyunjin's head whipped to you, "Why?"

"There's a leak in my bedroom." You stated. At those words, he walked into your room and you mindlessly followed him, blanket trailing behind you. Hands on his hips, he said, "Your bed is wet."

"I know. A pipe must have burst when it froze over cause of the snowstorms." You looked back at the broadcast on TV that until now you had thought was live, "You're sure they're not going to be wondering where you are?"

Hyunjin laughed, stepping up to you, "So many questions. You're not happy to see me?"

"No, I am. Of course I am. I just wasn't expecting you. You haven't been to my place in weeks. I didn't even know you were allowed to come here."

"Well, all my managers are at the award show so…no one's gonna be looking for me tonight. I wanted to come see you."

"Oh. That's…nice."

"I know." He laughed, and then stepped closer to you, "How are you feeling? I…was worried about you and I wanted to apologise."

"Apologise? For what?” You were confused. He swallowed hard, Adam's apple bobbing, "For not comforting you in the car. For letting my anger take over my concern. I…I was seeing red. I was ashamed. I shouldn't have let that happen."

Your heart squeezed at the apology. Had he been blaming himself this whole time? You stepped up to him, "No. What you're not going to do is blame yourself. Because if you're here to do that, then you should leave. It wasn't your fault, no matter how you twist it to feel like that."

His eyes narrowed, "Y/N…but…"

"But what?"

He spoke, "I thought you were upset at me. You haven't really talked to me about that night and…you know you can tell me anything, right? I'm not going to judge you for your feelings. Or for anything, ever. If you hate me for what happened, you can say that. I can take it."

Hate you? I love you.

"That's not it. I'm sorry I've been avoiding talking about it…" Your voice and gaze fell to the floor."It's selfish."

"Hey." He stepped closer, "Haven't I told you before? You can be selfish around me all you want."

"I just… After the night of the meteor shower, I felt…" You swallowed, "scared. Not because of what happened, but I just…" You trailed off, words hanging off your tongue. Hyunjin took a step closer, lifting your chin to look at him, "I'm listening, baby."

"I was worried I wasn't cut out for this life, and that you'd see that."

"I'm never going to think anything like that about you. I'm the one putting you through it. In fact, you literally took it better than I did. What happened that night was a close call. It was fucked up. And I know you were scared, because I was scared. And in this life, I'm surrounded by people like that… vultures, but they didn't get anything. Nothing's gonna happen to you."

Your eyes met his.

"To us." He clarified, "Nothing's gonna happen to us, baby."

"Is it always like that?” You swallowed. He nodded, "In Seoul…It's really bad."

"Right…you should move out then." You mumbled. He laughed, a bubbly sound that made your chest glow, "We should. Don't worry. I'm not letting them get you, okay? You're mine, and…I'm going to protect you, best I can."

"I'm also going to protect you. The life you've built for yourself is too good." You leaned up on your tiptoes to hug him, whispering into his neck, "Thanks for checking in on me. Are you sure it's okay that you're here?"

"Yes." He repeated, without hesitation, "Even if it's not okay, I'd be here." He pulled back from the hug, stroking your cheek, "So…what were you upto? Watching me on TV and painting?"

You flushed, throwing your blanket off to the side, "Well, now that you're here, you wanna help me paint?"

His lips curved into a smile, "I'd love that. But first…do you have a sweater I could borrow?"

"What happened to your clothes?" You asked, realising he was still in his coat and hadn't taken it off. He laughed, "Well. I just performed and…" He then unbuttoned his coat, showing you what he had on underneath.

You had to make an effort to not have your jaw drop. He was in a sheer bodysuit that hugged him tight, exposing his chest and abs through the see through material. Then he had on tight leather pants, too tight in the crotch. You stifled a giggle, hand covering your mouth. If only to hide your insane desires.

"Something funny?" He raised an eyebrow. You shook your head, hiding your smile, "No, I can probably give you Yeonjun's pajamas. He left a pair here a few weeks ago."

He looked so out of element. In a fancy stage outfit in your drafty, leaky little bedroom. You giggled, watching him like this. Hyunjin walked over to your drawers, grabbing the sweatpants and hoodie from the bottom drawer, "I love that you find this hilarious."

"I'll be in the living room. Find me when you're done." You sang, walking back to your canvas. You turned the broadcast off, catching your reflection in the TV. You unfurled another empty canvas board, one you'd gotten at half off price from the Haedong art store, making room for the two of you.

After ten minutes, he joined you, and sat cross-legged on your living room floor. In Yeonjun's soft white sweater and sweats. He'd pushed the sleeves up till his forearms. He looked like a dream. He'd messed up his hair, taking it out of its styling and hairspray but there was still dark makeup on his lids. His lips were still glossy and cheekbones still pink from his stage makeup. "Feel better?" You asked. He nodded, "Mmh. So much. The outfit was so tight. It's nice to finally breathe again. And it had no pockets. I had to hold my phone in my hand the whole time."

You smiled, nipping away at your painting, "Wow. You're qualified at girl talk now."

He laughed, "Oh am I? I thought I didn't meet the only parameter."

You looked up at him, shrugging, "I'll let you off the hook."

His eyes crinkled, and then he looked around, "So you've been sleeping on the couch for a week."

You'd pushed your couch to the side, making enough space on the floor for both your canvases and all of your painting supplies. The canvases were large enough for you to sit on. You dipped your brush into the purple color palette, "Yeah. My back hurts though. I think it was a bad idea to get a couch off Facebook marketplace."

"I would say you could stay with me…" He said, staring at his empty canvas. You shook your head, shrugging, "And if your manager found out, he would positively kill me. It's fine. I didn't mind."

He opened your art pouch, picking a few paintbrushes out, "So where will we put these up?"

"I was thinking the wall by the kitchen." You said, painting light strokes into your background color. You peeked at him, "What are you gonna make? Are you sure you're not too tired from the show?"

"No, are you kidding me? This is the best way to relax." He smiled, tapping his chosen paintbrush on the floor before he started digging around your box of paints, "and I've only been making flowers these days. Thinking of making a vase that holds them."

You nodded, reaching over to grab the blue paint bottle, "How was the award show? You and the boys looked really good at the red carpet. Han really has a way with cameras. He's so charming."

"Ouch. And not me?” He feigned hurt. You rolled your eyes, "Obviously you looked good. So confident. That outfit was made for your body."

"It was good. The usual. We had a great performance, although our managers were insisting that we lipsync to avoid any issues. Chan fought back. We always prefer singing live."

"Why does it always seem like they're against you guys? I mean, they're your managers. Isn't their sole purpose to be helpful to you?" You sat up to pause and stretch. He laughed, "You'd think. To them, we're a brand. But they're good people, and they work really hard for our success. It doesn't feel right to always complain about them, I guess."

You frowned, "You're a saint for dealing with all of this."

He looked at your canvas. You'd started filling in the background, painting in big strokes while he held the thinnest paintbrushes. You two approached it so differently. You needed to see the big picture first before you could dive into the details, but it seemed like he started from the little details. He was painting little petals into a vase that didn't exist yet.

Hyunjin bent over his canvas, stretching his legs out over the floor, using the smallest brush possible to add in details to the petals. You looked at him, "I'm glad we're making these. I feel like we talked about this forever ago, but isn't it crazy how long it took us to actually paint together?"

Hyunjin nodded, and his nose was inches from his canvas, focusing on the flower stems, "I know. Life has a funny way of getting away from you."

"I've missed painting with you." You realised, and all of your anxiety from the week was fading away. You were already so calm seeing him, having him in your space so close to you, watching him at his best.

"I know." He bit his lip, looking up at you, "I'm sorry, the schedule has been insane. I've been taking more vocal lessons before our next album…and there's been way too many fittings before the fashion week. It's not an excuse though."

"When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow." He said, "I fly back next Saturday."

So he would miss your birthday. But you knew that. "Tomorrow morning?"

He nodded, "Flight leaves at six."

"They really expect you to perform onstage and then get on a ten hour flight?” You asked. He smiled, "Actually having these few hours off is unusual in itself. Sometimes we go to the airport right from a schedule, still in our stage outfits."

You shook your head, tutting, "I don't know you how do it."

"You haven't told me what you're making yet." Hyunjin said, watching your canvas. It was only a blend of blue as of now.

"I'm…painting the meteor shower that we saw."

"Oh…" Hyunjin realised. You nodded, "Mmh."

"Romantic." Hyunjin smiled, sitting up to take a sip of the drinks you'd brought out earlier. He looked at you for a few seconds, and it looked like he wanted to say something but he held back.

"What?" You asked.

"Nothing, I…" He shook his head. His lips twitched into a smile, and then he went back to focus on his canvas.

"Tell me, Hyun."

He looked back up at you, a revered look on his face, "Just can't believe I'm here with you. A crazy part of my brain likes to believe I'm dreaming and that I have to pinch myself to remind me this is real. That it's not some fever dream I made up after leaving Daejon."

"Shut up."

"What?" He laughed.

"My brain does that too."

"Does it?"

"I feel like I've been dreaming since I saw you."

His eyes traveled over your face, "Then I hope we never have to wake up."

"Morbid."

He laughed. You were quiet for a few minutes, starting to draw in the outlines of the meteors. The soft sounds of bristles was the only one in the room. Hyunjin wordlessly passed you the paints you'd need for it, and you slid over the thicker brushes to him when he started working on the vase. It worked so well.

"I always have trouble with painting glass." He mumbled, squinting at his piece, "I should have just made an opaque vase so I wouldn't have to worry about it."

"Ugh yeah. Glass can be tricky. I used to hate doing it." You agreed. Hyunjin sat up again, resting on his heels, stretching over his head. You tried not to let it distract you, his sweater lifting up right in your view.

He quietly watched you paint.

"You're…so good at that." He spoke bluntly, hands resting on his knees as he watched you. You looked up at him, realising he'd stopped painting and was just observing you.

"You have paint on your pants." You pointed out. He was still holding onto the white paintbrush, streaks of white on his knees now. He didn't seem to care though, and he continued, "I don't know how you do it. It's like you've already seen the painting in your head and you're just bringing it to life."

You glanced up at him again, pausing, "Well, that's what you're doing too, Hyun."

"No, not really. It's coming to me as I paint. It can change at any moment, but you…you already know exactly where your hands' gonna go, what color is next. You're not even thinking about it. That's insane to me."

"I…guess it just comes with practice." You stated, heart-warming at his simple observations, going back to blend in the skies.

"No, it comes with extraordinary talent. You're perfect at what you do." He said simply. You shook your head, "Thank you but…perfect is saying a lot."

"You're not listening to me then. Look at me." He said. You set down your brush to the side, giving him your full attention, chin in your hand, "Yes?"

"You don't see the difference?" He pointed at his work and then yours. You frowned, "Your art is amazing, Hyunjin."

"That's not it. What I'm doing comes with practice and classes and tutorials. You can see that. Everything I've done on this canvas is something I learnt from someone, but everything you're doing comes from within. It's innate."

You thought over his words, distracted by his passion as he explained it. He continued, waving his hand and paintbrush about, "That painting already exists in you. You're just…translating it onto paper."

You'd never heard something as simply profound as that. "But…I'm still learning every day, Hyunjin."

"It's not the same. I…don't know how to explain to you what I'm feeling. I wish you could read my mind."

"I do understand. I just think you're cutting yourself too short." You sat up, "Everything you do…comes from within too. Like okay maybe not painting glass vases, but your dance…your singing… The way you see things."

He had a faint smile on his face. It was like you and him were always in a compliment battle, trying to have the upper hand in convincing the other that they were perfect. He let out a sigh, looking down at his unfinished vase, "You mind lending me a hand with this when you're done?"

"If you want me to."

"I do."

So you dropped your paintbrushes on the tissues, crawling over to his canvas. It was so large it took up all the space in your living room. Hyunjin shifted, only slightly, for you to sit in front of his painting. You sat on your knees, and he sat behind you, cross-legged, watching your every move. You grabbed a thin brush, dipping it in translucent white, hovering it over the piece, "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." He responded, "You're not gonna ruin it."

You giggled, "Reassuring."

Slowly, you started to draw onto his canvas. You were only helping him out with the glass texture; you'd done it many times before and he hadn't.

It felt intimate to draw onto his canvas, blending your strokes with his as Hyunjin watched over your shoulder. His hands settled gently onto your waist, grounding you and sending a warmth through your skin. Your breath hitched slightly, and you found it hard to focus on anything but the grounding sensation of his hands, large and reassuring.

You paused, brush hovering above the canvas. His proximity was intoxicating, making you aware of every movement, every breath shared. "Keep going," he murmured, his voice a gentle command.

So, you did. Each stroke took effort as you filled in the blanks of his painting. Your strokes and his slowly became one, the boundaries blurring between you until you couldn't tell which was his and which was yours.

His hands suddenly wrapped around you completely, sliding under your sweater and touching your bare skin. You couldn't really breathe, not when he was this close. But you willed yourself to focus on the task at hand, painting with a steadiness you didn't feel inside. Your heart was racing.

You dipped the brush lightly into the pale blue, swirling it with a hint of white, deciding it was best to talk him through it. After all, he did want to learn from you. "So…the key is not actually painting the glass itself.”

Hyunjin tilt his head, confused but following you closely. You continued, “You paint what’s around it. The reflections, the highlights. Glass doesn’t really have a color, right? It’s just picking up everything near it. So if the background’s warm, you use warmer colors. If it’s cool…” you dragged the brush in a faint arc across the vase, “…you use cool tones like this. And the trick is to not do too much. That emptiness is what makes it look transparent.”

He hummed, watching your hand carefully.

“You have to let the light trick the eye into seeing it.”

Hyunjin’s breath brushed your shoulder as he leaned even closer, eyes following every flick of your wrist. “God. You make it sound so easy.”

“It’s not me.” You laughed softly. “It's just…practice."

His gaze stayed fixed on your hands moving across the canvas, but his voice was low. “Do you even know how insane it is to watch you do this? You’re not just painting glass. You’re showing me the way you see things. No wonder I—” He cut himself off, lips parting like he’d almost said too much.

You turned your head to look at him. He was so close to you, face inches from yours, body pressed up behind yours. You breathed, staring into his eyes, "What were you going to say?"

His eyes were blown wide, eyelashes fluttering prettily, "Nothing. I…keep going."

"Okay." You nodded, turning back to the canvas but you felt dizzy. Your strokes and his had blended so perfectly, they were one. You were like one. You could feel his chest move with yours, hyperaware of every breath. Your hands were trembling. You couldn't move them.

"Why'd you stop?" Hyunjin asked, voice soft. You willed yourself to focus, but he was making it impossible. He leaned in, tucking his head in your shoulder, leaving a kiss on your neck. You stilled, "Hyun…"

"Keep going…" He mumbled, leaving another kiss on your neck, mouth moving soft over your skin. You swallowed, gut twisting with desire, hoping the paintbrush would stay steady as you added another stroke. Hyunjin's hands moved further up, sliding under your sweater, and you dropped the paintbrush entirely, paint drops splattering on your wooden floor as his fingers grazed your bra.

"What is it?" Hyunjin asked, speaking into your shoulder, between kisses, "Am I distracting you?"

"Uh-huh…" You mumbled, head falling back as he squeezed your tits through your bra. His hands were big, pulling back the cup of your bra to touch your bare skin. His hands were cold, his silver bracelets making you shiver. You felt like putty, for him to mold, to play with, to do whatever he wanted with.

He licked a strip of skin up your neck, whispering, "Your pulse is racing."

You let him kiss you neck, to suck it, like he couldn't get enough of you. In the reflection of your TV, you could see how sinful you looked. He was holding you from behind, slowly pulling you up onto his lap. The paint on his pants was now on yours. You turned your head, nose bumping against his. He looked right at you, pupils wide with desire, lips wet with his own spit, "Kiss me."

Your eyes widened. He was handing control to you. Letting you take over. So you obviously did. You closed the distance between you, mouth crushing his too fast. Lips crashing against each other, moulding, moving. He tugged you onto his lap entirely, still facing away from him, your head tilted back to kiss him. He still felt you up, mumbling your name in between. Your hand slipped, knocking against the mug of paintbrushes. It didn't startle him. He kept kissing you.

"What about your painting?" You breathed. He chased your mouth, squeezing your tits, "Fuck the painting."

You couldn't help but agree. You were losing your mind the longer he kissed you, all tongue in your mouth like he was trying to become one with you. You squirmed with each sensation, struggling with this crazy desire, with how quickly things had taken a turn. His hand trailed down to your jeans, pausing at the buckle before popping open the button. Your voice was breathy, "Does it…does it turn you on? When I teach you things?"

He pulled back, looking into your eyes at the same time he slid his hand into your pants. He mumbled between kisses, "Fuck. Yes. Hearing you speak…I can't help myself. You're so talented. Seeing you like that makes me go insane. So fucking focused and concentrated. It's so hot."

His fingertips grazed the thin fabric of your underwear and you were trembling, a gasp escaping. He held you tighter with his free arm, keeping you steady against his chest. Your eyes fumbled shut, brain full of fuzz.

“You’re shaking…I haven't even touched you yet.” He murmured, almost in awe. His mouth pressed kisses down the slope of your neck as his fingers slid lower, teasing and pulling at the fabric until you couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. Your gaze was blurry as you stared at him, "Please. I've missed you."

"Can I?" He mumbled, voice breathy. His eyes were full of a crazy desire, like he would swallow you whole. You nodded, completely at his mercy, as he dipped his thumb over you. It was like your Achilles heel. You jolted, so embarrassingly turned on. But you could feel how hard he was under you too. His fingers pushed past the thin cotton underwear and found you, and your head fell back against his shoulder instantly.

You grabbed at his wrist, to ground yourself as he touched you — slow at first, then more certain when he felt the way you squirmed, fingers swiping in circles. The sound of your breathing was loud, the faint scrape of his rings against your skin was cold. His voice was soft, "You're enjoying this, are you?"

You could only nod, eyes on his as he mumbled, "Turn around."

"What?" You could barely register, as he turned you around to face him. In a swift move, he picked you up and put you on the couch.

It was softer than the hardwood floor. More forgiving.

And he crawled on top of you, his body tall over you. He slid your sweatpants off, tauntingly slow down your legs, inch by inch. He kept looking back up, eyes meeting yours, hair falling in his face, making sure you were liking it, making sure he saw what he did to you, every reaction. He had made you a mess, overwhelmed with emotions and arousal. You'd never felt anticipation like this. Once they were off, he moved up to find your mouth and to kiss you again. You could feel him grabbing at your thigh, hooking his fingers into your skin. It was hard to keep your eyes open but you didn't want to miss a second of this. You'd been waiting so long.

He pushed your sweater up, you shivered as his hands came into contact with your skin, but he kept going. A trail of kisses down your stomach. The realization of what he wanted to do sank into you. His face lay in between your legs, fingers hooked onto your underwear. He looked up at you, "Is this okay?"

The boy of your dreams was in the most compromising position known to man, and it wasn't okay. It was too good. Too perfect. Your gut was twisting at the sight of him. "Yes…please."

"Baby, look at me."

So you did. His pretty brown eyes were blown wide, a hopeful look on his face, "Are you sure?"

You nodded, an insane desire flooding you and you sat up to kiss him, "God. Don't ask me again."

He kissed you back hungrily, holding your face in his hands, "I've been dreaming about this."

And all you could do was look up at the ceiling, at your apartment's little lighting fixtures, at the paint peeling off the walls, as you felt him take off your panties. The ceiling was blue. You'd never noticed that. You stared at it because you couldn't look at him.

You might implode if you did. Or explode. You wouldn't last. You'd never felt this kind of desire before. You'd never seen someone else feel this much desire towards you. It made you feel insane. You then felt his mouth on you, just a flutter. It was too much. You loved it. You immediately shifted, unable to help how your body reacted, and Hyunjin mumbled, hand flat on your stomach, and his voice was muffled and heavenly, "It's okay baby…"

You let yourself relax into it, to cherish this moment, to memorize how this felt. Eyes squeezed shut so you could feel every sensation. He was really doing this. His hands were hooked around your thighs, holding your legs open, and you felt his tongue on you. “Hyun…” Your voice broke on his name.

Everything about this felt unreal as he licked up your folds, tasting you in a way he never had before. You thought you might die.

He was so good at this. Who taught him how to do that? He was relentless, but he was so careful with you. He was soft and slow. He was torturous.

He knew just what to do with his tongue, the right places to flick it, and he set a pace that had you squirming in place. "Fuck." You could barely form a thought. You felt far too shy to look at him, it was too intimate and Hyunjin was seeing you in a way he never had before. You couldn't think anymore. You could just feel each flick of his tongue, riling you up. He was so fucking good. Your hand twisted in his hair, fingers curling in it, tugging at it. It only urged him to go faster. More passionate than he'd already been. It was too much. It was too good. Nothing human should feel this good.

Your gut twisted, a knot coiling within as it got tighter and tighter. You could feel his nose rub against you, and his tongue worked miracles. Your fingers gripped the back of the couch, digging deep into it to find some semblance of control.

He wouldn't even have to do much because you were already so riled up.

You squeezed your eyes shut, hips jerking up and he held you in place. He didn't stop, and when it got far too much he rode you through your high. You tried to stifle your moans, biting down on your hand, but you were still so loud. It felt far too good to not be this loud. You're sure everybody in the building could hear you moan as Hyunjin ate you out.

His name came out in stutters and moans. It only pushed him more. You couldn't find it in you to be embarrassed, not when he was so relentless. His tongue flicked at you, licking you up, tasting you. He kept going, a hand on your stomach holding your body down, until your second high hit. You were even louder this time and your body was burning up.

And when it finally got too much, it's like he could feel it, like he felt everything you did, so with slow kisses, he stopped. You tried to catch your breath, chest moving up and down. A kiss on your thighs. Gently, he lift his head up to look at you. Your eyes were on him too. Something amazing had happened. His head between your legs, a smile on his face, you would never get that image out of your head.

His hair was plastered to his forehead, his mouth wet. Slowly, he moved up, and you grabbed his face in your hands, "Hyun…"

"Was that good for you?" He asked, voice hoarse. You kissed him, holding him above you, "It was…perfect. Thank you."

"God, I should be saying that to you. You taste like nothing I could have imagined." He mumbled. You entangled your arms around his neck, pulling him down to you and he shifted his body on top of yours so you could both be comfortable.

Your canvases lay unfinished on the floor. You'd forgotten all about them as you kissed him. He tasted like you. You lay like that, catching your breath, making out for what felt like hours. His hands were in your hair, stroking it gently. Lazily he kissed you, tongue in your mouth, hands on your body. You were just a normal couple then, intoxicated by each other, not being able to have enough of the other and nothing outside this room mattered.

He pulled back from you, breathless, as if he suddenly remembered something, and there was a pause as he asked you so innocently, "Water?"

You didn't want to stop. Couldn't you kiss him till the sun rose? But you nodded and slowly sat up. He got up, adjusting his clothes. He walked over to your kitchen. The room was dimly lit. His movements were deliberate and thoughtful. You slid your underwear back on. Something had shifted in his energy. He moved with ease, a picture of innocence, like he hadn't just given you the best orgasm of your life.

He walked back to the couch with two mugs of water, setting one in front of you before sitting down. His knee bounced like he couldn’t keep still. "I…wanted to tell you something."

“Yeah?” You sipped on the water, but nothing except him could quench your thirst.

He shifted toward you, and his hair was still disheveled and his lips were still swollen, "I got you something."

"Oh?"

He reached into his bag, that lay next to the couch, " I've been wanting to give it to you for a while. I didn't think I'd be able to cause I was at the award show, but…I'd put it in my car earlier and…"

He handed it to you, it was wrapped in a delicate pink paper. It was heavy, and rectangular, like a big book.

"I wasn't expecting anything." You told him, resting the gift on your lap, "I…don't have a gift for you."

He giggled, hand stroking your hair still, tucking it behind your ear, "Y/N. Just…open it."

You pulled at the white ribbon around it, unfurling the thin crepe paper. It was a book. A Vincent Van Gogh themed photobook. Your eyes widened, "Oh my god?"

He watched your expression carefully.

You ran your fingers over the matte cover. The cover was Sunflowers. "This is… gorgeous. It's perfect for me."

Hyunjin laughed, almost in relief. You looked up at him, delicately holding the book, "Oh my god. Thank you so much. Why did you get me this?"

"Well…" His fingers traced your shoulder, "It's your birthday soon, isn't it?"

Your eyes widened, "How did you know that?"

He smiled. "Aren't you gonna open it?"

You couldn't wait. You reached forward, wrapping an arm around him to pull him into a thank you hug. It was an awkward position, because you were still holding the book on your lap and him on the other. "This is perfect, Hyun."

Hyunjin pulled back. There was an unreadable expression in his eyes, "Really?"

"I mean." You smiled, looking back at the book, "I love it so so much. I…I really wasn't expecting anything, especially since I know you'll be flying out soon."

You turned it over to look at the back. It was printed in the Netherlands, "You got this from the Van Gogh museum?"

Hyunjin nodded, "I had it shipped. I think you should really open it."

You couldn't believe he'd done this for you, and you slowly flipped open the first page. There was an excerpt from the curator and then there were full-bleed images. They were prettier than you could imagine. The colors felt so real, like you were seeing the paintings with your own eyes, and not thousands of miles away from them. You flipped through, recognising every single work. Cafe Terrace at Night. His Self Portrait. The Bouquet of Flowers.

Hyunjin was watching you quietly. Suddenly, tears brimmed to your eyes. The art was so beautiful, and the fact that he bought this for you even more beautiful.

"Thank you so much," Your voice came out a whisper, "This is already the best birthday ever."

"Y/N…what's wrong?" He asked, noticing the tear roll down your cheek, like he didn't expected you to have such a reaction. You felt embarrassed, shaking your head, "I…just. It's the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. I…I've never received a gift like this ever. I didn't except you to get me anything, or know it's my birthday. Much less this book. It's perfect."

Hyunjin almost looked concerned, like he was nervous. Maybe he didn't know what to say. You felt embarrassed about your admittance, that no one in your life had known you well enough to gift you something like this. He must have had a lot of people like that in his life. But he really was one of a kind. Your voice broke as you said, trying to explain your crazy emotions because it was just a book but it meant the world to you, "Maybe that's weird but…this is just the most thoughtful thing someone's done for me."

You kept flipping through the book, pausing on the page of the Almond Blossoms.

A folded up envelope lay in the center of the pages.

"Oh, I think this is yours." You handed it to him, voice wavering from all the emotions, embarrassed, overwhelmed. This was already the best birthday ever because the love of your life picked something out, only for you. You would buy a coffee table just so you could display this book proudly on it. You'd carry it with you everywhere so you could stare at the pages and remember that he got it for you.

Hyunjin had a strange look in his eyes, as he watched you cry over this gift and maybe he hadn't expected you to love it so much, "Um, the envelope…that's actually for you, Y/N. The book was just…a cover."

You were confused, not understanding him. Carefully, you rest the book on the couch and opened the envelope. Inside was a single piece of paper and you unfolded it to read what it said. It was a lot of text and numbers.

Your teary vision made it difficult to read the words on the paper, but they still didn't make sense, and your head started spinning. You looked back up at him, and surely what it said wasn't true. "What…is this?"

Hyunjin's words were quietly spoken, expectation in his eyes, "It's for you. That's your gift, baby."

It was a flight ticket to Amsterdam.

“I…I don’t understand.”

"You told me you wanted to do something that would inspire you. And I know you've been doing that on your own in the city…, but I thought it might be time for you to try something new. Maybe it'll bring you inspiration. And…it's your birthday. You deserve to celebrate it in a place like that. The book was just a cover for the ticket…”

Your gut twisted, unable to comprehend this as you looked up at him, "What…? I…you bought this just for me? But it must have been so expensive."

He nodded, gaze intense on yours, "I already booked everything for you. The flights. The apartment you can stay at when you're there. The museum tickets."

The dizziness swept over you in waves, tingling at the edges of your vision and making your surroundings blur softly, like a watercolor painting. Your breath caught in your throat, disbelief causing your heart to pound in your chest, your throat closing up. It was as if you were floating. It was like were having an out of body experience.

It started sinking in what he'd done. You must be dreaming.

"Hyunjin. This is …a lot."

"No…" He responded, hand reaching over to yours, "It's the least I can do."

"Oh my god. It's a lot." You spoke as you realized the magnitude of what he'd just gifted you on a casual Thursday evening. In an instant, you jumped up into his lap, throwing your arms around him. He caught you instantly, whispering into your shoulder, “I know. I knew you’d say that. But let me do this for you please."

You pulled back, still stunned. “You know it’ll take me years to pay you back for this, right?”

He smiled, squeezing your waist, “Don’t be stupid. You’re not paying me back. That’s why it’s a gift.”

"Is…that why you were so nervous?"

"Well, I was waiting for you to see the ticket, but…you started crying…"

"Oh my god." You buried your face in your hands, "I…I was just overwhelmed. The book was already the most amazing thing — but this…"

"No, don't be embarrassed." He removed your hands, observing the dried tears on your cheeks, "I just can't believe it made you so happy, and you hadn't even seen the real thing yet."

"It's very easy to make me happy. Especially if it's you."

He smiled, "And I already made sure your passport is valid… and all the other stuff. I know I probably should have told you earlier, considering you have only a few days to pack. And it's just for the weekend so it's not too long of a trip but…”

You settled your hands at the nape of his neck, playing with his hair, "It's perfect. But…what about you?"

He hesitated, then smiled. “You know how I fly out tomorrow? I'll be in Copenhagen for a few days and I'm gonna try to come see you. I can't promise anything but I swear I'll try. I just didn't wanna miss your birthday.” His gaze held yours, steady and sure. “So I thought I’d bring you closer to me.”

Your eyes were wide as you searched his, "That's insane. You're…insane."

"I know." He laughed, hand stroking your back, "You make me a little crazy."

You hugged him so tight you thought you might cry again, still sat on his lap in just your underwear, “Thank you. I don’t even know what to say. You're spoiling me so much. First, you give me the best orgasm of my life…and now this. I feel like a princess or something."

At your words, he laughed, "The best of your life, huh?"

You smiled, nodding, "Mmh."

His fingers grabbed your chin, pulling you in for a kiss as he mumbled, "We can make that happen more."

You kissed him back leisurely. He held you in his lap, whispering against your lips, "So you'll go right?"

"Of course I will. If you're not gonna be in Seoul, then what am I gonna do here anyway?"

He laughed, squeezing your thighs, "Exactly."

Your gaze searched his, heart still pounding from this, "No one has ever done anything like this for me."

He didn't say anything, a smile tugging at his lips. You could hear his heartbeat quicken, and then you felt him harden under you. Embarrassed, he apologised, "Shit. I'm sorry. It's…not appropriate, but you're sitting on top of me and god, you look so pretty after crying, and you're saying all of these things…”

Your lips curved up, kissing him, "Is that true?"

Each movement only made him twitch under you, pupils dilating to black, "I can't help it."

"That's really hot, Hyun."

His eyebrows shot up expectantly, and he looked adorable, "Yeah?"

You tugged at his sweatpants, and his eyes widened, "What are you doing?"

"What do you think?" You smiled, kissing his mouth, "Returning the favor."

His lips curved into the prettiest smile, eyes blown wide in adoration. You couldn't help it either. You buried your face into his neck, hugging him again so tight your chest ached. It felt like this had always been your life, the way he held you to him, as you sat in his lap in just your underwear, legs interwined.

You must have used up all the luck in the world because at this moment, you were the luckiest girl in the world.

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masterlist ⇒

thank you for reading and for still being here <3 i would love to hear what you thought of it!