everything about me ?

jade. 사랑. with you, star lost. 🧷 masterlist. buy me a coffee.

[hyunjinspark]

star lost with you | hyunjin au | part 21

pairing: idol! hyunjin x artist! reader genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au, star-crossed lovers synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him. there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned.  word count: 38K warnings: explicit content, angst, sexual tension, dual pov, making out, multiple explicit scenes, dirty talk, drinking, grinding, dry humping, unprotected sex, fingering, quite a lot of jealousy, mature language, fluff, mentions of the word cock a/n: im so excited for this part, one of my favorites to write and definitely a big one for their story arc. very big for hyunyn. it gets down and dirty but also very cheesy. no spoilers but the happiest chapter ive written so (the name of the chapter is i wanna be yours)... i even made a pinterest board specifically for it. please ignore any inconsistencies with van gogh museum and all the real locations. please get comfy and enjoy this and I can't wait to hear what you think of it. you can listen to my star lost playlist that i curated like crazy here! important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.

masterlist

There was an imprint on your couch in the shape of his body. It was a cheap couch, and maybe the only thing that it was good for was memorizing your lover's presence.

It had been irresponsible not to sleep, to stay awake kissing him, but you knew not much of restraint. When it came to Hyunjin, not much at all.

The buzz of last night had not worn off yet. His flight was only in a few hours, and he spent every last minute on your couch, tangled up in your pillows and blanket. Paint had dried in uneven patches on the floor, your canvases left unfinished. You couldn't feel too guilty about leaving them undone, not when he felt you up the entire night instead. His head was resting in the crook of your neck when he dejectedly mumbled, his voice muffled by your skin, "I should go home now, get my things."

"I'll miss you." You managed to say, and you'd made your home on his lap. Being so close to him, so casually, felt like coming undone after a lifetime of waiting. Something sweet bloomed in your chest, and you'd never felt fulfilment of this kind before. The boy of your dreams had kissed you then, and his lips were perfect on yours. Like puzzle pieces, they fit together, slotting themselves so wonderfully between yours. You had been kissed many times in your life, but never like this. 

"Get some sleep. I'll see you in a few days when I'm back." His hands settled on your waist, and you were surprised there wasn't an impression of them on your body, with how long and carefully he'd held you. 

You had to conceal your sadness at seeing him go, but he'd just surprised you with the best gift ever and the happiness of that spilled through all your cracks of sorrow. In the space between you, he'd pulled you even closer, squeezing your thigh, "Don't miss me too much on your trip, okay?"

After he left, you waited by your kitchen window, pulling your blanket tighter around yourself, barefoot on the cold floor. If you stood in the corner, you could see where his car was parked. It was at the end of the street, away from prying eyes, far enough away that no spectators should connect it to you or your apartment building. ⠀ You wanted to crack your window open, call out his name, but that would be stupid so you bit your tongue. In the light of dawn, he walked over to his car, hand hovering on the handle but he didn't go in, not yet. You wondered if something was wrong. If he forgot something.

But then, he turned around, eyes searching your apartment building's facade. You could see him do the math in his head, figuring out your floor and apartment number and then to your surprise, his eyes met yours.

You doubt he could truly see you, so far away, your silhouette only lit by the kitchen light. But it was as if he knew you could see him. As if he could feel your presence from even so far away. His gaze lingered on your window, on you, and he faintly smiled. 

»»————-

Your neighbour Jeongin was home at odd hours of the day. So, you knew you could count on him to be there when you knocked early in the afternoon of a work day, a big batch of jajangmeyon in your hands. He opened the door, a wide smile plastered on his pretty face. His eyes lit up, "I was wondering what smelled so good."

"Hope you didn't already eat. I'm travelling tomorrow and thought I'd make use of my leftovers." You said, holding the bowl up like a prize. Jeongin laughed, "I just got off a work call, and I was starving. Perfect timing. Come on in."

You slipped off your boots and followed him in like you had a dozen times before, moving easily through the space. By the time he grabbed bowls, you were already in his kitchen, pulling out chopsticks with familiarity. “So." He said, leaning against the counter as he poured you both soda, “Where are you going?”

"A trip for my birthday." You couldn’t stop the smile. It had been sitting on your face for days now, and you weren't one to brag but you wanted to scream this from the rooftops. His head snapped up, “No way. When were you planning on telling me it was your birthday?”

“Trust me, this is not a usual thing. I haven’t properly celebrated in years.” You laughed. “Well.” He said, already digging in, “Good for you. Seriously. I hope it’s amazing.”

It didn't feel like your life. These kind of things didn't happen to you. "Thank you." You sipped on the soda, looking at him, "I…I'm very excited, kinda anxious like something's gonna go wrong, but I think that's just my overthinking." He slurped through his next bite, and you're happy he's comfortable with you enough to do that, sauce staining his lips, "Hey, at least you're self-aware. I'm sure it'll be great, and I can't wait to hear all about it."

He talked about work as you ate, about all the troubles of corporate life, and work drama that you never fully understood, but you listened anyway, offering him advice from what you knew best. After all, you'd dealt with a fair share of drama recently. 

"So…I have a question." He started to say as he finished his bowl. You glanced up, curious, "Yeah?" You'd like to say you were comfortable enough to just ask each other what was on your mind, instead of prefacing it like that.  "The guy that visited you last week…" He started, "The one I met in the stairwell a few months ago, are you dating him?"

You swallowed your bite, thinking it through. There were only two other people who knew about you and Hyunjin. Jeongin was smart enough to put two and two together, and even if you denied it, he'd probably figured it out already. He wasn't really a threat. In fact, his knowing might be a good thing.

"You don't have to tell me. I'm just curious." He added. You nodded, trying to not make it a bigger deal than it was but who were you kidding? You could never be casual about Hyunjin. "Yeah. I am."

Recognition flashed through his eyes, almost a satisfying feeling sinking into his stature, like he just needed that confirmation from you, "I've seen his car around a lot. It makes sense. Although, he shows up in a different car everytime. At first, I thought you were just seeing multiple guys but…" He laughed, "This makes sense."

"Oh my god, no." You felt embarrassed, staring down at the leftovers in your bowl. "The cars belong to his company and…yeah. I'm surprised you noticed. So I have to assume you've been spying on me?"

He laughed, throwing his head back, "I have nothing else to do but look out the window wistfully all day. Work isn't nearly as interesting as your life seems."

"Oh, my life is not interesting." You stated, taking a long sip of the soda, feeling the bubbles on your tongue. He raised an eyebrow, "If you say so."

You finished the last of your ramyeon, settling against his couch, wondering what Hyunjin was up to now. You hadn't talked in a few days, except for the rare texts exchanged in the middle of the night. He'd been so busy with all of his responsibilities and schedule. It seemed like Fashion Week was a beast to tackle, even for someone like him. It also didn't help that he was in a completely different timezone, on the other side of the world.

"What does he do for work?" Jeongin asked. He definitely seemed like the type of person who couldn't care less about idols. "He's in… entertainment." You offered a morsel of information. He nodded, considering it, "He has one of those faces."

"What do you mean?" He shrugged, a smile pulling at his lips, "Like the kind of guy…you'd walk past in a mall and nudge your friends about. Someone you'd hear got scouted on the street, and everyone would wonder if that really happens to real people. Symmetrical. Tall. Well-dressed. I mean, I only saw him for a few seconds, but I can tell that much."

"Symmetrical?" You laughed, "I suppose you're right."

"And, have you redecorated your apartment yet after you threw out all your artwork?" He asked. You shook your head, feeling a twinge of guilt at your breakdown all those months ago. Maybe you had overreacted, but in that moment it had felt like your biggest heartbreak. "No. But I'm in the process of it. He's actually helping me out. I think I want to do a crazy project like paint my walls a different color, and I know I'll probably lose my security deposit, but I'm a bit tired of the beige. Maybe he can help me with that."

"Oh, he's perfect for you." Jeongin grinned. You smiled, getting up to wash your empty bowls of ramyeon, "And what's going on with you? Did you ever talk to the cute girl from work?"

He shook his head, coming to join you in the kitchen, "Dating is hopeless in the city, Y/N. You're one of the lucky ones."

"Really?" You asked. He nodded, handing you the second bowl, "Yeah, nothing's exclusive. I'm not an old-fashioned guy but some things should be sacred. Literally everybody's dating everyone. All of my friends have dated each other. It's strange. Which is why I assumed you had a line-up of guys."

"That would not even be me." You laughed, as you ran the utensils under water, "I can only be in love with one person at a time.” Jeongin's eyes widened, "Wow. You're serious about him.” You looked up at him, suddenly feeling like you might have overshared, "I…I just mean—"

"You look pale. Relax." He laughed, coming to stand next to you, "Is it your first time saying that out loud?"

"No, it's just…I haven't told him yet." You admitted. Jeongin frowned, curious, “Why?" You'd said it in so many ways, just never directly, never in the way it truly mattered. If he did something like this for you, buying you a freaking trip to your favorite art museum in another city, he obviously must feel the same right? But nobody had ever told you they loved you, not romantically, not in that way. Nobody but Felix. But Hyunjin and Felix were so far apart, and to compare them would be an exercise in futility. So how could you say it to him, and hope to hear it back?

"He might not feel the same. Love is a big word." You said, pretending like this wasn't the most important thing to you. Maybe that ramyeon you'd shared had been spiked with the truth serum as you blurted, "I'm scared of saying it. It feels like I've bared my soul to him, and that's the last thing I have left to give." You shook your head. Jeongin didn't want to hear any of this. You shrugged, "Like you said, dating is hard."

"That's different. I mean, this guy could be your soulmate." Jeongin beamed, his eyes crinkling in a teasing way. You stilled at the term, gut twisting at the intensity of it.

Soulmate. Your friends had joked about it to you often, regarding your summer infatuation with the boy. They hadn't meant it though. It was an exaggeration, clearly. You didn't really believe in it either.

Then why did your heart just jump madly at just the thought? It would be naive to think he was the one for you, so early into dating, and you'd tried to leave silly thoughts like that behind in your teenage years. But surely, some people had soulmates. And if the concept were real, who's to say he wasn't yours?

The way everything had led you to him couldn't be a mere coincidence . All those years ago you'd seen him…and you'd loved him since then. You'd never had a flair for the dramatic, but your souls really did feel intertwined. It was a lot, especially for a casual afternoon with your neighbor. You glanced at the soapy foam on your hands, "I wouldn't say that. That's…a big word." Jeongin laughed, "I was joking, obviously. That's the stuff of fairytales. It isn't real.”

He then kept talking, divulging into the terrible dates he'd had, but his voice blurred into your thoughts. All you could think about was that word - soulmate - and how it was supposed to be bullshit but Hyunjin embodied all of it for you. It settled somewhere deep, somewhere you couldn’t quite justify, no matter how hard you tried to push it away. You trusted that things would work out between you, but believing this might be the fastest way of jinxing it. Of hexing the lovely relationship you'd built with Hyunjin. You would only set yourself up for heartbreak by thinking things like this.

You'd always embraced your feelings for him. It had been second nature, but for the first time, the extent of how intertwined your being was with him didn't thrill you, it terrified you.

»»————-

Karina owned many art galleries across Seoul. You'd heard it from everyone. Your ex-professor, Nate, and even Hyunjin, but when she invited you to meet her at Seoul Arts Center, you realised just how much of a big deal she was. You'd been meaning to visit the gallery in all the months you'd been here, but time slipped away from you, and now this all felt pretty serendipitous. 

Karina was already waiting for you in the foyer. She smiled when she saw you, "Thank you for coming in to see me. I know it's a weekend, and you probably have better things you could be doing.” For the first time in your life, that was right. You had so much going on now.

You were leaving for your trip tonight, and it came with a whirlwind of preparation. It had all snuck up on you. You hadn't traveled like this in a while, the furthest being your trips to Jeju Island with Yongbok. There was so much to do in such less time but you'd spent years of your life whiling away in Daejon, so you cherished being busy now. 

You walked over to Karina, unravelling your scarf, the one Hyunjin had lent you that night on the rooftop and bunched it tightly in your hands. It had been snowing on your way here, and you're glad you had a piece of him to keep you warm. You smiled at her, "I'm very happy to be here. I should be thanking you for finally giving me an excuse to visit this gallery."

Karina was really pretty, and if she weren't an art gallery curator, you could almost see her as an actress. Dark hair, pink cheeks, she was classy in a way you would expect a city artist to be. When Hyunjin had first mentioned her, the prodigy Karina, the envy had crawled into you and you hadn't even known what she looked like. She represented the epitome of what you'd aspired for, like all the artists who visited the Chateau for all those fancy events. 

Today, she had prepared a little tour for you, and the gallery was beautiful. It's modern, yet whimsical. People were unloading art from crates, in preparation for an exhibition, unwrapping them from their bubblewrap. This is the first time you're so close to actual expensive, precious art and you watched the process in awe. Karina was smiling at all the employees in passing as she said, "We're a small team here, but we make it work."

You'd brought your drawings for her to see, and you reached into your bag, handing it off to Karina. It was such a routine part of the process, for her to evaluate your portfolio, but as you stood in the center of the gallery and she looked through your life's work, it felt like you were giving her a piece of your soul. 

You tried not to let it get to you, as she flipped through. All of your sketches were a window to who you were, glimpses of your personality and she was judging them. You wish you could read her mind as she paused on certain pages, hands hovering over the sketches like trying to recreate your strokes. So many of your recent pieces were drawn after you'd met Hyunjin. They were so cheesy, so hopeful, so in love. Could she feel him through your art? To you, they screamed his name. They couldn't have been about anybody else. After what felt like an eternity, she smiled, "I almost wish I could recruit you as an artist. You…you have a talent, Y/N."

You were in disbelief, when anybody complimented your art especially someone as important as her. But you'd learn to take them as they meant, trying not to overthink them, "Thank you. That means so much coming from you."

"I mean, I wouldn't expect any less. You were in the apprenticeship. It's one of the most competitive programs in the country." She said, handing you your book back. Your memories of the apprenticeship and the Atelier are bittersweet, but it's certainly done great for you in terms of recognition. You nodded, holding your book tightly in your hands, "Right. I certainly feel like I worked my entire life to get there, but it just didn't work out. Since then, I've been trying to figure out where I fit in the art scene in the city. There's so much going on and…I would love to be a part of growing it, and contributing to it."

Karina smiled as she listened to you, leading you to the gallery cafe, "It seems like you'd enjoy talking to people. We have so many events here. We could definitely use some of that here."

"What kind of events do you have?" 

"A lot of exhibitions." Karina handed you an iced coffee, "We feature a different artist every month, it's a very selective and arduous process to get into this gallery. I think you could be great at helping me run those events, interacting with people, making sure they're having a good time. I know it's not ideal, but it's a great way for you to meet other artists."

"That sounds perfect." You smiled, and you're not one to reject a blessing. You've been struggling to find your footing for months, and this opportunity couldn't come at a more perfect time. You asked her, "When could I start? I'm travelling for a few days, but I could begin on Wednesday."

She sipped on her coffee, a smile at your eagerness and you hope she doesn't mistake it for desperation, "That sounds good. And to be transparent, I am speaking with a few other people but I have no doubt you'd be perfect for it. By the time you're back from your travel, you'll have a clear answer."

You weren't expecting to compete with others but nothing comes easy in this city. It will give you something to be anxious about, but also something to look forward to.  You fucked up your chances at the Atelier, and this is your way to prove yourself, to really feel like you belong. You're going to cherish this second chance and give it everything you've got.

»»————-

Airport anxiety is real. That has to be why your stomach feels like this. Definitely that, and not the TV in the airport bar with your boyfriend’s face on it.

Your grip on your suitcase tightened as you moved closer, staring at the small television that nobody but you seemed to notice. The bar was crowded, even at five in the morning. One of those moments where time doesn't feel real. A group of friends sat inside, drinking beer and they have a lot of luggage next them, and they're in matching soccer jerseys. The air smelled of tortilla chips and guacamole. They seemed to be having a good time, which is why no one cared about Hyunjin's face on the airport TV.

It's muted, so you can only read the headlines. International star Hwang Hyunjin arrives at Copenhagen Fashion Week.

They're playing a video of him on repeat. He's surrounded by hundreds of people, as he's walking into a venue. For half a second, you hadn't even recognized him. The stylists have completely transformed him. His hair was different, and his makeup is so intense. He looked like an alter ego version of himself. He's completely surrounded by security and press and cameras. There's at least six security guards around him, matching his every step and move. Their presence in itself would have made you nervous. It's overwhelming to even watch. 

You don't know how he does it, and how he does it looking so good. For your sake, you hope they change the channel so you don't end up missing your flight. You would shamelessly stare at him for hours.

"Excuse me." The voice cuts through your thoughts, but it takes you a second to register it’s meant for you. He has to tap your shoulder before you finally turn. A boy around your age was standing there, smiling. Headphones hang around his neck, a camera bag slung over his shoulder. You blinked at him, a little thrown off, unsure what he wanted. He tilt his head, "You in line?"

You glanced behind you and realized you’re blocking the entrance to the bar. You were so captivated by the man on the TV. You can't help it. The stranger was staring at you expectantly, and he had a kind face. The words took too long to come to you, and you blurted, "No, I'm not in line. Sorry, I was just…looking." Something akin to amusement settled into his features, and he quipped, "Right. Probably smart to not drink before an international flight."

"How do you know that?" You asked, almost defensively. A smile overtook his features, "Your baggage tag. I'm flying there too. Well, Paris actually for work, but I have a layover in Amsterdam.” Your eyes flicked back up. “Oh." 

Work in Paris sounded fancy, and you wondered what he did. Before you could even ask, he walked into the bar, joining the soccer team. You glanced back at the TV, but a baseball match was on now. It looked like someone had changed the channel after all. Hyunjin wasn't on anymore.

There was a strange feeling in your chest. It felt surreal to see him like this, out in the open, for everyone's eyes to feast on. He clearly had so much going on. It's a good thing you'll get busy too, so you can occupy your thoughts with something other than him.

You're only taking a small suitcase with you, most of it filled with your sketchbook and your brushes. It's cold this time of year, so your sweaters, skirts and a new pair of tights are crammed into your backpack. You're wearing your thickest coat, and it's a deep burgundy and falls to your thighs and it definitely looks more expensive than it is. You don't know the definition of travelling light, but you make sure to leave some space. You’ll want to bring things back for your friends.

Nobody knows you're leaving the country. Holding onto such a big secret makes you feel mysterious. You'll tell them, when you're back, when you surprise Yeonjun with a souvenir, when you show Minnie and Nate all of the Van Gogh postcards you bought them. But for now, holding onto this secret excited you. This break is exactly what you needed, to clear your head, and come back a better artist. You texted Hyunjin to let him know that you'd made it to the airport. He's obviously busy so you don't expect him to reply right away.

When you're at your gate waiting, there's only so much you can do. You can't stop thinking about the video on TV. The way his hair was styled, strands falling into his face while the rest of it was slicked back, his extravagant outfit, the effortless smile he greeted all the people with. He knew the effect he had on them. It was all so sexy. He was so charming. It was only for a few seconds but you feel a withdrawal. So, you downloaded an app you never use.  All you have to do is type in his name. You don't ever do this.

Dozens of pictures and videos flooded your phone, as if he'd been captured every second he breathed. You can understand, because if you were a photographer you'd also want to capture each second of Hwang Hyunjin, to remember that moment for all of time. 

A new video popped up. It was from inside the venue, and he's sitting in the front row. Your brain is working on overtime, registering all you can about him from the little clip.

Hyunjin sat in the front, designer sunglasses pushed atop his head, as he watched every model walk by. He looked so effortless, like he belonged there and there was no question about it. Dressed in a leather jacket, a loose tie hung around his neck bedazzled with silver brooches. He tugged at his tie, adjusting it casually, hand resting on his thigh as his eyes followed the models walking. Goosebumps rippled up your arm, and you tugged your hoodie around yourself tighter.

He looked so incredibly hot, like a rockstar reincarnated from the 80s.

He's surrounded by A-listers, a supermodel and an actress on each side of him. You don't know much, but one of them looks like exactly like a Victorias Secret angel. They're insanely beautiful and your stomach twisted with a new kind of envy. God, they're lucky to be sitting next to him. They probably don't even realise how incredible he is. And Hyunjin certainly knew how important they were. You could see it in the way he talked to them, so respectful as usual. He said something, and the girls by his side laughed. What was so funny? You can't hear it because the music is far too loud. 

A strange jealousy overtook you. You sank further into your seat as your feed filled with more videos. Hook, line and sinker you took the bait — you watched every single one. His charisma felt so different. More for show, more outgoing, more… flashy. It suit him.

This is the first time you'd seen the true effects of Hyunjin's fame. Yeah, you knew about the sold-out shows, had seen enough billboards in Seoul, but this was different. He was a superstar, in every sense of the word. Watching him felt like a drug. Sinful, to be able to observe your lover from so far away. He didn't have his phone on him, but you texted it anyway, so he could read it after.

i wish you could see yourself. i saw some pictures of you at the show. you're absolutely perfect. 

The flight announcement pulled you out of your trance. Your thoughts were still fuzzy with him as you boarded your plane. So much for him not distracting you.

You were wheeling your suitcase down the narrow aisle, the plastic wheels stuttering every few steps. A flight attendant's voice weaved through the cabin. But you're thinking about all of those pictures. You wish you saved some of them, so you could look at them on the plane over and over for the next eight hours. 

Suddenly, it felt unfair. The access you'd just had to him. Watching him like that. Like you were keeping tabs on him. Was it weird? One of the first things Hyunjin liked about you was how unassuming you were of that world. How you never treated him like something to consume.

You pulled your phone out again, staring at the messages you’d sent him. They looked frustratingly stupid now. Invasive, even. Maybe you shouldn't have texted him all of that.

Someone bumped into you, with enough force that the phone slipped from your fingers, clattering against the floor with a thud.

"Shit, I'm so sorry!" He said. You looked up and recognized him immediately. The boy from the bar. The headphones still hung around his neck, slightly askew now, like he’d rushed over. He was already on his knees, reaching under the seats.

“You don’t have to—” You said, kneeling too, “I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.” “It’s my fault.” He said quickly, retrieving your phone and holding it out to you. You glanced at it, and sure enough the screen was shattered. “That’s fine.” You said, a little too fast.

“Is this your seat?” He asked, standing, glancing at the row. You straightened, suddenly aware of the line backed up behind you, people waiting, "Yeah. 4D." "Would you look at that?" He held his boarding pass up to you, with a big smile, "I'm 4C. Need help with your bag?” You shook your head quickly, “I got it.”

You lifted it into the overhead bin, arms straining slightly, regretting the massive paint supplies you'd packed, then dropped into your seat by the window. “Shit.” The stranger muttered beside you as he sat down, glancing over. “It did break.”

“It’s fine, it's not your fault.” You couldn't let yourself be upset about this, not when you had so much to look forward to. You glanced out the window, at the runway. It was still dark out, but the sun was rising in the distance. You could only imagine the sights you'd see. 

Hyunjin knew you so well. Even with something so simple as picking your seat, he knew you'd want to stare out at the world below. You tucked your phone into your pocket and pulled your sketchbook out of your bag. You should probably rest, it was a long journey ahead, but the anticipation kept you awake for hours.

»»————-

"Hyunjin. Are you even listening to what I'm saying?"

The passing city of Copenhagen, through his car window, was far more interesting than anything his manager could be saying right now. It was all tall glass buildings, like home, but it was also historical, cathedrals bigger than anything he could dream up. He'd seen rows of houses of all different colors and he wondered why home wasn't so whimsical. If he lived here, he could be happier and inspired every day.

He glanced at his manager across him. They'd rented a big car, the kind that allowed people to sit facing each other. He almost wished it wasn't so because the disappointment on Eunwoo's face was new. Hyunjin asked, "Sorry. What did you just say?"

"Where's your head at, kid?" Eunwoo's eyebrows furrowed. He looked more put together than Hyunjin, in his three-piece suit and he wondered why he chose to dress so formally when he didn't even have to take pictures. Eunwoo continued, "I was saying they want some more interviews tonight. You might have to do some in English. Is that okay?"

"Oh. Sure." He nodded, and Eunwoo typed away on his phone, probably RSVPing to everyone. Hyunjin could tell how stressed his manager was, there was a lot to organize and he would give him grace for well he'd managed everything until now. Eunwoo's fingers flew over the phone as he sent some emails and said, "There's a long line of media outlets dying to speak to you."

He nodded, squeezing his own thigh, grounding himself to the moment, "Yes. Yes, that's okay." He then looked back out at the city. He hadn't had a chance to step out on his own, but he wasn't complaining, not when he's instead been getting to dine inside castles and in the company of legendary artists. 

It was cold, and he could imagine how perfect the city would feel if it was the summer. He heard the days were 18-hour long in the summers, and they must be grateful to experience something very few humans could. Still, it'd be hard for any summer to beat the one that he'd just spent in Daejon with you. Eunwoo followed his gaze, "Isn't the city so pretty?"

They were in the van on their way to another Fashion Week event. The main show had already happened but the obligations were far from over. He was meant to attend an afterparty, a dinner for the talent, and yet another afterparty. Hyunjin was exhausted, but he wouldn't complain. His job forced him to party. He was thankful, that even though it was demanding, it wasn't impossible. People had tougher and more dangerous jobs, and he was lucky as hell. He shot Eunwoo a smile, "Will we get time to explore, you think?"

"Not sure. For your sake, I hope you do." He sighed. If he wasn't much older than him, and if he wasn't his boss, they could have been great friends. Hyunjin looked away from the view long enough to glance at his phone. 

There was a pit in his stomach as he stared at it. He knew you must have already arrived and he hadn't had a single second to talk to you since he'd seen you at your apartment. His life for the past few days had been ruled by Eunwoo and the company. Even what time he woke up, what time he ate and went to the hotel gym. Eunwoo was there for all of it. If it was up to him, he'd follow him into the shower. He should be able to make time for you. But he couldn't let his guilt ruin his night. He's a professional and he can separate his personal life from his job. He was sure you'd understand. You knew what you were signing up for, even if a few days of no communication drove him insane.

"We're here. Fix your hair." Eunwoo said. Hyunjin pushed his phone in his pocket, and glanced at his reflection in the window. His hair was disheveled. He must have ran his hands through it. He fixed it, and immediately felt bad for the stylist that spent an hour on it this morning. They'd been up at four a.m. just for him, and he had absentmindedly ruined their work. 

His reflection blurred, and his eyes fell on the enormous castle outside. 

Frederiksborg Castle was beautiful. The building rose in layers of red brick, with green copper roofs. He wondered how people had the skill and patience to create this. He couldn't imagine doing something like that. The symmetry of it felt intentional in a way that bordered on obsessive, like someone sketched it over and over until it finally aligned with whatever lived in their head. It remind him of you.

The lake bordering the castle extended far. In the reflection of the water, the castle walls blurred, trembling as the water moved. It was so peaceful. His pulse calmed down, and he couldn't wait to explore.

The car came to a stop and Eunwoo hopped out first. As soon as the door opened, the peaceful silence was gone. A deafening amount of screams pierced his ears. He should be used to it by now, but he was always surprised. Eunwoo held the door open for him, waiting. Hyunjin stepped out, smiling at the excitement of the crowd through the endless flashes.

He felt out of place, such a small artist in such a grand place yet there were easily hundreds of people here, screaming his name. They dropped everything else they were doing, to wait for hours just to get a glimpse of him. It was a kind of sacrifice he wouldn't ask anybody to make. Back when he was younger, he might have considered doing the same for his favorite artists, but he didn't have the same patience. 

He smiled at the crowd, trying to remember every face, trying to read every poster as they walked to the castle. He reached out, brushing his hand against the ones stretched toward him, but Eunwoo kept him moving, guiding him through too quickly. Guilt washed over him when he missed people, when he didn't make eye contact and didn't get time to talk to anyone. 

His gaze fell on a little girl in the crowd. She couldn't be more than 7. She must have been here for hours. He immediately stopped walking. She held out a picture of him, one from his earlier days of being a star and she had sketched it herself. She was adorable, holding a pink marker in her other hand. He smiled at her, bending down to her height, and he could tell she was nervous.

His voice dropped, trying to tune out all the noises, "What's your name? Don't be nervous." "Freya. I drew this for you." She smiled. He grinned, drawing a heart on the poster, "Unfortunately I can't take this, but that's such a pretty name." Eunwoo must have realized Hyunjin wasn't behind him because he suddenly felt a sharp tug on his arm, "Come on, Hyunjin! We can't stop."

Hyunjin stood up, realizing there were others looking expectantly at him, and he couldn't possibly do that for everyone here. Maybe he made the wrong decision, but the little girl seemed so happy. Before he could ponder on his choices, Eunwoo tugged him away from the barricade, "Everyone's inside. We can't keep them waiting too long."

"But, they've been waiting too." He said, hopelessly. Eunwoo sighed, "And that's great for them, but they didn't pay for you to be here. We have to go inside and meet everyone. You can't just walk into a crowd. Someone could have the wrong intentions."

Hyunjin resisted the urge to roll his eyes, because there were far too many cameras on him, whispering, "Nobody here is trying to hurt me."

He followed Eunwoo inside the castle. The party was in the Great Hall. It didn't even need any decoration, the architecture itself was insane. He couldn't help but gape at the tall ceilings, being led by Eunwoo through the crowd of celebrities and press. It was loud, abuzz with chatter in at least ten different languages.

He greeted everyone with a warm smile. But he kept getting distracted by the art around him. The small plaques beneath them he tried to read as he passed, catching only fragments before being pulled along again. He wondered if the entire castle was open to them, to explore. 

After what felt like hours of small talk and photos, he finally found a moment to step away, slipping toward the corner of the room. Like a wallflower, he watched the party. Everyone was busy greeting, posing, talking over each other. So many familiar faces. His manager was across the hall with the press, mid-conversation.

For the first time that night, no one was looking at him. The perfect time to slip away.

So he followed the grand corridors, until he found himself in a chapel of sorts. The ceilings were grand, and a gasp left him at the beauty of it. He felt like the smallest person ever in the grandeur of this castle. He probably was trespassing, and this room was surely closed off to party guests, but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

He itched to have his camera with him, to capture this. When else would he be the only human in a structure this sound? Still, there was beauty in having no way to remember it other than his memories. He stood on the gallery, hands resting on the railing to take in the view. 

From the gallery, the chapel unfolded beneath Hyunjin like a painting. Gold was everywhere. It wasn't loud or gaudy, but delicately carved into the structure. It climbed the columns and threaded through the ceiling like light frozen in space and time. He wished you could see this. If you were here, you could have probably pointed out all the details he was missing. Hopefully one day he could come back here with you.

The further away he was from you, the more discombobulated he felt. As if the cavity in his chest felt your absence, it ached. It wasn't normal to feel this way for someone. He was certain that he'd never felt anything of the sort before, and the more he spent time with you, the more he was trying to wrap his mind around it.

He let out a sigh, leaning against the railing, careful not to put his weight on it. This place was so fragile and he didn't want to break it.

He needed to talk to you, so he pulled his phone out, and maybe now was the perfect time. If you were sleeping, he'd wake you up. He missed your voice.

"Hyunjin." A familiar voice interrupted his peace. He turned, and Eunwoo stood at the end of the corridor. He immediately hung up, pushing the phone back in his pocket.

"Hey." "I thought I'd find you here. You snuck away." Eunwoo said, stepping into the room, for only a moment. He didn't awe or gasp at the beauty of this place, his entire focus on Hyunjin, "People are missing you. " "Sorry. It was so beautiful. I had to see it." Hyunjin explained. Eunwoo smiled, "I'm sure it is. Let's go back into the hall, okay?"

"Yes." And Hyunjin almost felt like a toddler, being guided back to his duties. He shouldn't have ran off, especially to a restricted area. He adjusted the cuffs of his jacket, footsteps in sync with Eunwoo, echoing against the stone floor. He'd strayed so far from the party, the music was a distant noise.

"You seem content." Eunwoo commented, watching his face. Hyunjin glanced at him, "I am. This place is unreal. I can't believe they invited me here." He laughed, "They knew you'd appreciate it."

Hyunjin suddenly stopped, hand reaching out to Eunwoo's arm, "Thanks for making this happen, I know I don't always show it but I'm grateful to you." Eunwoo's eyebrows shot up, "You okay?"

"I just feel like most people don't get the opportunity to be in places like this, unless they're extremely lucky. I'm sorry I act up sometimes. Or a lot. And I complain and stress you out." "You don't stress me out, Hyunjin." Eunwoo smiled, "You're one of the better artists I've been responsible for. You've only had one scandal so far, I mean. That's a dream." He laughed, "Well, I just went home for a few months. I would hardly call that a scandal."

Something flashed through his gaze that Hyunjin couldn't place. Eunwoo nodded, "Right. Of course. And I'm sorry if I come off like an asshole sometimes. Artists are so temperamental, and it's a tough job to manage them. But you're a good person, genuinely, and I think you're going to be very successful."

"Really?" Hyunjin looked down at the floor, and he had never heard anyone from his company praise him like this, so candidly, "I guess it's obvious that I always wonder if I'm up for the job. I just wanted to be a singer, everything that comes with it…is a lot."

"Well, we're here in this lovely castle because of everything that comes with it." Eunwoo laughed, "The frills are fun. Don't take it so seriously. You're at the prime of your life. And I'm truthful when I say that you're only gonna get bigger from here. Your group has so much potential, and after this next album…I have no doubt you'll be globally known."

"That's kind of scary." He said, slipping his hands in his pockets, "But I look forward to it."

"Isn't it your dream, kid?"

Hyunjin looked around him, taking in the magnificence of the place and nodded, "It is. Only dream I ever had."

Eunwoo shot him a smile, genuine, "Come on, the creative director really wanted to meet you and we still have interviews to film."

Hyunjin hadn't expected a moment like that with his manager. But in moments like this, Eunwoo felt less like an authority figure and more…human. He would learn to give them more grace. They were just doing their jobs — to make Hyunjin and his best friends look better. He couldn't imagine this success without Eunwoo by his side.

So, they walked back into the Great Hall. Classical musical filled the room. He recognised a cover of Swan Lake. Of course. As soon as people noticed he was back, a flurry of crowd gathered around him. It was a lot of people and cameras, but he welcomed it. The reminder from Eunwoo had been much needed. He was living his dream. The prime of his life. 

He met everyone — actors he's only seen on TV, people that Jisung would kill to see. The evening passed by, as he filmed a series of interviews. They were all for social media. They all asked the same questions so by the third one, he had the perfect answer memorized.

Eventually, he was introduced to the creative director, Grace. She smiled as she looked him over. “You look incredible.” He ducked his head a little, almost embarrassed, "Thank you for inviting me. This is beautiful. I don't have enough words."

“Thank you for coming.” Her hand brushed his sleeve, smoothing the fabric. “You wear the collection really well. It suits your vibe.” He glanced down at himself, a small smile forming. “The designs are amazing. You did a great job.”

“It’s my first fashion week as creative director. I’m trying not to look nervous.” She let out a breath, half-laughing. “You don’t.” He said quickly, hoping he sounded genuine, “You really don’t.” She smiled at that, “There’s a huge crowd outside for you, by the way. They’ve been here since dawn. Security tried to move them, but… they’re not going anywhere.”

Hyunjin’s smile softened. He glanced over at Eunwoo, who was already watching him from across the room. And then because he really should enjoy this, his way, he asked her, “Would it be okay if I stepped out for a bit? I just don’t want them to have waited all this time without seeing me.”

Grace hesitated, her expression shifting slightly. “We’re about to serve dinner.” “Right.” He said, nodding. “Of course.” "But I think you should do it. No wonder you're so loved." She said. Hyunjin blinked, a little surprised by her permission, before breaking into a grin. “Thank you, Grace. I’ll see you at dinner.”

She pulled him into a quick hug, and he slipped away toward the main doors. Eunwoo caught up to him almost immediately. “Hyunjin. What do you think you’re doing?”

“Grace said I could step out.” He pushed the door open. “You don’t have to come with me.”

“Like hell I don’t.” Eunwoo muttered, already following him. The look on his face was something else. Hyunjin almost smiled.

The moment he stepped outside, there was a wave of screams and flashes. And because he was hellbent on enjoying every moment, he didn't leave until he'd met everyone who showed up. Countless pictures, and his hand hurt from signing every poster but the smile on their faces was worth it. What was the point of being famous if he couldn't give back to the reason he was? 

Eunwoo stood with him, monitoring for threats, but Hyunjin could see the smile on his face too. Despite all his feigned annoyance, he loved this too. It was just as much his hard work.

Later, at dinner, he'd built up his appetite for the oysters and caviar. They were seated at a gorgeous table, under candlelights and chandeliers. The guest seated next to him nudged him, "You must be Hyunjin, did I say that right?"

He recognised her as a popular actress, Naomi, he remembered. She had a cool haircut and outfit on. He nodded, finishing up his bite, "Yes. You did."

"My friend's daughter is a huge fan of you." She smiled, twirling the spaghetti on her fork. He laughed, feeling a spurt of confidence, "Ah. I take it you're not?" Her eyes widened, and she laughed nervously, "Stop. No, I just haven't heard your group's music. Don't call me out like that!" "My friend Jisung's also a fan of you. He's the guitarist in my group." He told her. She smiled, "Well, if I'm ever in Korea, I'd love to meet your friend Jisung." "He would love that." He smiled back.

After dinner, he made his way around the room, circling back to people, staying longer than he needed to. He even went back for seconds, lingering over the Key Lime Pie dessert. He did everything he's supposed to, and he was satisfied with the effort he made.

When they're in the car going home, Eunwoo asked him, "How do you think tonight went? The interviews you did were great." Hyunjin smiled at him. already taking off his tie, and he was a little wine-drunk, "Thanks. The dinner was amazing."

"Everybody loved you, you know?" 

His eyebrows shot up, and his heart skipped a beat because hearing that always felt good. On schedules as overwhelming as these, he needed the validation, "Really?"

"Really. I'm not just saying that as your manager, you were the most liked person in that room, which is saying a lot. There's a lot of famous people in there. A lot of them can be assholes."

Hyunjin laughed, glancing at the passing river, "I suppose. But everybody I met tonight was sweet."

"That's because they wanted to impress you. A few even asked me if they could work with you, they want you in their music video or on their song."

Hyunjin sat up straighter, and this conversation was suddenly far more interesting than the view. Almost everyone in that room was more famous than him, so that was an insane opportunity, "Holy shit. Seriously?" 

"Seriously." Eunwoo laughed, "But don't be so surprised, kid. You're talented and they clearly know that."

Hyunjin's heart bloomed, and he couldn't stop the smile from coming on. He leaned back into the seat, exhaling softly, hoping that he could talk to you soon enough. None of this excitement would even matter, if he couldn't share it with you.

»»————-

The city was cast in a glow of luminescent yellow lights. It had just rained, and like something out of a watercolor painting, all of the edges of the landscape were blurred. You watched it whiz past you in the taxi. If Seoul and Daejon were worlds apart, then being in Amsterdam was like being in outer space. 

Even from inside the taxi, you could see a lifestyle unfold that was foreign to you, architecture and outfits you'd only seen in coffee table books.

You were jet-lagged and so tired after the flight but you didn't want to look away for even a second. If someone had told your teenage self that the boy you loved would do something like this for your birthday, you wouldn’t have believed them. Honestly, you wouldn't have believed it a year ago either.

"First time?" The taxi driver asked you. You glanced up at him, playing with the brochures in your hands, "Is it obvious?" "You can open the window, but I have to warn you it's cold out there."  You rolled the window down and the wind woke you up. Now that the barrier was gone, the sounds of the city spilled in. You passed by a street sign. Broek, Waterland. Population 2,400. You were just on the outskirts of Amsterdam, and even the small towns were so picture-postcard perfect.  Hyunjin had booked an apartment for you to stay here. You trusted his choice and it must be perfect. Thinking about everything he'd planned for you secretly, gave you butterflies. He must like you a lot to make that kind of effort. It was silly but just the thought of him thinking about you, outside of the time you spent with him, made you giddy.

All of the houses felt too perfect. Small, slanted roofs, water dripping down onto the cobblestone. Painted wood in pale blues and whites, edges trimmed neatly, like something you'd create as a kid in The Sims.

The taxi pulled up to a quiet, cobblestoned street. There were flowers everywhere. Pink clusters spilling over the edges of canals, and it's all so perfect. The driver hopped out first, jogging around to open your door and he's so kind to you. You appreciated him, as he unloaded your suitcase and a card with his number on it 'in case you need him'.

When you stepped out, the scent of the canal water hit you. It was warm, earthly and a little like Daejon. The clouds were reflected in the water, shimmering in the trail of a passing boat. The apartment building you're outside was narrow and tall, ivy curling up its brick facade. You're positive he didn't want you to stay in a stuffy touristy hotel, but instead like a local. Your driver pointed up at an entrance by the alleyway, “That’s you, I think. It's supposed to rain a lot tomorrow, stay warm, kid.”

You waved at him, as he drove away. You didn't immediately rush inside, wanting to absorb this into your mind. This place was so far away from your life, but somehow felt like it had been made for you. Like every street sign, canal, house was carved to your preferences. 

You crouched by the canal before you could stop yourself, dipping your fingers into the water. It was colder than you expected. The ripples distorted the sky, before settling back into place.  You have the urge to burst into tears. You pulled your sketchbook out before you even got upstairs, sitting on the curb like a tourist. You were feeling so much, and you just have to capture it before you lose the inspiration. Your suitcase still stood on the cobblestone. The lines in your sketches came out messy, impatient, but it captured the view and this moment. 

After you sketched to your heart's content, you arrived at the second floor apartment through the narrow staircase and winding stairs. The owners had left the keys in the mailbox for you. You couldn't imagine doing that in Seoul.

The apartment door opened with a soft click. You stepped in, still a little out of breath from bringing the suitcase up the stairs, but you couldn't focus on that, not when you're looking at the prettiest apartment you saw. It looked like it belonged in a magazine.

The first thing you noticed was the skylight above the bed. It was so romantic. Even if you were only going to be here by yourself.

Warm light bathed the wooden floors, and wooden beams ran across the ceiling. It was a small space, but it felt lived in, knick-knacks scattered across the room. The bedcovers were a light blue, and there was so much more color in here than a hotel would have had. A sheer white curtain blew with the wind, drawing your attention to the window, the panel cracked open a little to let the air in. There was a lot to take in, and you glanced out at the view. This was a quiet neighbourhood, far enough from the city, and boats bobbed in the water like ice cubes. 

After your first exploration, you kicked your boots off by the door, and laid on the mattress to stare up at the skylight. Instinctively, you pulled out your phone to call Hyunjin. But his phone was on do not disturb, and he must be at an event. You sighed, tossing your phone to the side, and when you can't talk to him your chest hurts in strange ways.

The tiredness of the journey was hitting you in waves, slowly and then all of a sudden. But you don't want to waste any time sleeping. 

There was a knock on your door, and it's only then that you realised you fell asleep. 

It made you immediately sit up in bed. You were not expecting anyone. Nobody even knows you're here. You're only a little nervous, but this is such a small town, and you're sure there's a reasonable explanation. 

The clock above the kitchenette read half past three. You've been asleep for hours, and that too, in your travel clothes. You felt a little gross and head to the door, still groggy. There's a chain on the door, and you opened it up, hoping for your sake, there are no serial killers on the prowl. A girl stared back at you, her fist held up in motion to knock again. When she made eye contact with you, she flushed, "Oh. Hello!"

"Hi." You smiled back, trying not to yawn in front of her. "Are you Mrs. Hwang?" She asked. Your eyes widened, and you shook your head, "Uh, is that what the reservation is under?" She looked confused, and looked at her notepad. It's sweet that she's using a pen and paper and read it out, "The reservation is under a Hwang. I just assumed. Sorry."

"That's fine." You said, even though your heart is pounding at being called that. You are so easy and lovesick. She nodded, "Yes, my mother told me to give you these." She then handed you a set of keys, through the opening of the door, "The bike is parked downstairs. You're free to use it." You grabbed the keys, "Thank you. What was your name?" "Alice." She smiled, and then handed you a slip of paper, "If you have any trouble when you're here, this is my number. I'm in the downstairs apartment. My mother is usually always busy, so I'll be here for any questions."

"Oh, I'll try not to bother you too much." You smiled. She laughed, and said, "Don't worry about it. I could use the company. We hardly ever have guests."

She's about to leave, but then you said, "Alice. I actually did have a question. Do you have any suggestions for dinner? I was planning to go to the city, but I didn't realise how tired I am from the flight. Maybe something closer?" "Oh! There's a cafe not too far. I could give you directions." She said, and then immediately started scribbling in her notepad. You suggested, "Maybe you could show me?" She looked up at you, eyes wide, and her lip twitched into a smile, "Oh. Of course. Maybe I can meet you outside around six." You smiled, "Six is perfect."

While you waited to join her for dinner, you sat on the steps outside the apartment, staring at the canal. It's already your favorite spot to sit in, and you're only here for three days, but you're going to make the most of it. You'd finally had time to unpack everything. But you still hadn't had a conversation with Hyunjin in days. You wanted to thank him. Again. You pulled out your phone, and he hadn't been online in hours. Still, you pressed call.

It rang once, twice, and then kept ringing. Suddenly, he picked up.

"Hello?" His voice was so sweet, and all of your earlier tiredness melted. It's like you hadn't heard his voice in years. "Baby?" You missed his voice so much, "I arrived safely, I was trying to get in touch with you and I know you're busy, I'm sorry for calling you so much."

"Y/N?" The energy in his voice shifted, and he said, "Oh my god. I missed you. I've been thinking about you this whole time. Are you at the apartment already?"

Hearing his voice had suddenly made everything better. "I'm great. The apartment is wonderful, Hyun. It's so perfect and I'm having such a good time already." 

And I love you for doing this. I would love you even if you didn't do this. You just had to gut up and say it. Over the phone wasn't the most romantically grand gesture, but it was building up in you like a pressure cooker.

"I'm happy to hear that. But I'm so sorry, I can't talk long, I'm at a press event and I stepped into the bathroom to talk to you."

Another time then. "Oh. Of course, I just wanted to let you know I'm okay. I'm going to the art museum tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you the entire time."

You heard his manager's voice in the background, and then the call cut out. You sighed, dropping your head against your knees. 

"Who was that?" Alice asked, and you looked at her. She stood by you, hands in her pockets, curiosity painted expression. You stood up to join her, "A friend." Her eyebrows shot up and she led the way, along the canal, "Is it the guy who booked this place? Because he emailed my mother almost everyday asking for this. Said it was your birthday and he would pay anything to get it."

"Seriously?" You looked at her. She glanced at you, casually shrugging, "Yup. My mother said he was very kind, unlike the other tourists she interacts with. Some people just trash the place, and this is a quiet neighborhood as you can probably tell."

You hadn’t realised how much effort he’d put into this, and how long he must have planned this. The thought sat heavy in your chest. The next time you saw him…you wouldn’t hold back. Telling him your true feelings, would be the least you could do. There's no point in hiding it anymore. He must know already. He must see it in your eyes when you look at him, when you speak to him, the way you act around him. It couldn't be more obvious.

 "You look much more awake now by the way." Alice commented, bringing you back to the present. You nodded, watching the sights by you, "I was so tired. I don't feel like a zombie anymore. Thank you for showing me the way to dinner. I hope you weren't too busy." "Busy is a word that literally does not exist in my life." She groaned, "I graduated university a few months ago…and I've been bored ever since."

The cafe is not too far a walk, and even though it's chilly, you both sat outside, watching the boats pass by and trying bitterballen. You watched the lights reflect off the water, and soon enough the town is getting ready to go to sleep.

You didn’t expect to get along with a stranger this easily. It usually takes you a while to open up, but you're stepping out of your comfort zone and maybe here you can be the version you wish you were. It was strange how much you had in common, even though you grew up on different parts of the world. You wonder how many more people there are like you in the world that you just haven't met yet.

When you're walking back to the apartment, you spotted a convenience store on the way. To your joy, they sold Peach Soju and you bought a bottle for you and Alice. She'd never tried it before, and you sat on a bench, sipping on it. You laughed as she insisted it was the best drink she’d ever had. You then drank, and talked until late in the night, watching the full moon. She gave you suggestions of all the places you should try in the city, and she's a wonderful host already. You couldn't have asked for a better one.

"So what are your plans tomorrow?" She asked you, crossing her legs to get comfortable. You told her about the Van Gogh Museum and how you would finally visit it. You talk for hours, and you can't hold in your excitement. It's hard to go to sleep that night.

»»————-

The hotel room was to Hyunjin's liking, but he couldn't get himself to enjoy it. He lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling, tracing the carved patterns with tired eyes. The bed was too soft, and he'd spent far too long trying to fall asleep. 

After all he'd been through today, sleep should have come easy. He'd been on his feet all day, buttoned up in a tight suit, smiling at people. He grabbed his phone, staring at your contact. He didn't want to bother you, you must be having such a good time and he would bring you down with his melancholy. But he missed you so much. He'd stay up all night to talk to you if you were available.

There was a knock on his door, and Hyunjin blinked, sitting up slowly. He dragged himself out of bed, putting on a bathrobe as he made his way to the door. He'd taken a bath before bed, hoping it would relax him. When he opened the door, Eunwoo stood there, eyebrows raised in disbelief. "No way you're in bed already."

Hyunjin leaned against the frame, offering a small smile, “Sorry. Yeah. I’m just tired. What is it?”

“You know the actress you met earlier, Naomi? She wanted to get drinks with you. Her and a couple of other artists from the party. Her agent just texted me.”

For a moment, Hyunjin just stared at him. Naomi. The one Jisung liked. He tried to picture her face clearly, but all that came to him was the blur of polite conversation he'd made over dinner. 

“...What?” He asked, confused. “Why?”

"Like I said they loved meeting you, but didn't get a chance to get to know you, or something." “Am I…allowed to do that?” He asked, though his voice lacked any real curiosity. Eunwoo laughed lightly, “Well, obviously. It’s a big opportunity. The company’s good with it. It’ll be at the hotel bar.”

Hyunjin’s grip tightened slightly on the edge of the door. Of course this was allowed. They'd compromise for this. “I…” He hesitated, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t even know what I’ll talk to her about. I'm already dressed for bed."

“You’re a charming man,” Eunwoo said easily. “I’m sure you’ll figure something out.”

Hyunjin let out a quiet breath, something close to a laugh but not quite. Right. This obviously wasn't a choice. Eunwoo wasn't asking him, out of courtsey. He was telling him. Eunwoo was looking at him expectantly, and if the company had allowed it that meant he'd already asked them.

“Yeah.” He said finally, though it sounded distant even to him. “I'll be there in twenty.” "Make that ten." Eunwoo smiled, leaving him alone. He glanced back into the room, at the bed that seemed suddenly so inviting even though he'd spent all night awake. 

By the time he stepped out of the elevator, nine minutes later, he looked exactly like himself again. His hair was tied up, because he had no energy to style it, and he'd put on the first shirt he could find. Putting on jeans this late was annoying, but he did it anyway.

The hotel bar was dim, and Hyunjin paused for half a second at the entrance, scanning the room. And then he saw her. Naomi sat tucked into a corner booth with two others, her posture relaxed, and they were already a few drinks in. She noticed him almost immediately, her face lighting up as she waved him over. He smiled back.

“Hyunjin!” Naomi stood as he approached, pulling him into a quick, easy hug. She smelled faintly of something expensive. “I’m so glad you came.”

“Of course.” He said, voice polite, and he hoped it didn't show how tired he was, “Thank you for inviting me.”

He slid into the booth next to her, and she ordered another round of drinks for him. “I hope we didn't drag you out of bed." Naomi said, leaning forward slightly, chin resting on her hand. He met her gaze, "No, don't worry about it. I was meaning to check out the hotel bar anyway."

"Did you have a good time the other night?” She asked. He nodded, “Yeah. It was fun. Everyone was very kind, and the castle was beautiful."

Naomi smiled, laughing with her other friend, “You’re being modest. You were the highlight of the evening. Everyone kept talking about you after you left.”

His lips curved, "I hope good things." If he was here, he might as well enjoy it. He settled into the plush booth, and he could feel the eyes of everyone on him. Eunwoo was by the bar, drinking, unbothered. She laughed, "Of course. How long are you in town?"

"A couple more days. I'm trying to convince my manager to let me explore the city. It would suck to come this far and not see it." He told her. She nodded, glancing over at Eunwoo too, "Your manager. Right. Do you have to do everything they say?" He smiled, realising the culture difference between them, "Yeah. Mostly." "Wow." She scrunched her nose, "Is that annoying?" He took a sip of his drink, glancing at her. She looked so put together, and her stylists must really love her. If Jisung knew he was here with her, he would freak out. He used to have the biggest crush on her. He nodded, "It can be." Then his voice dropped, "Between us, I'm trying to rebel more. I think it's about time."

She laughed, loudly, "You are so cute."

Hyunjin smiled, at the compliment, looking around the bar. There was a couple stood by a vintage photobooth, making out. His heart twisted. What was he doing here?

Naomi pulled his attention again, and they talked for a while. About work, mostly. About movies, schedules, and her music. That was part of why she wanted to meet him. She wanted to feature him on a song. It was a big opportunity. Naomi was easy to talk to, more than he expected, and confident. The kind of person he should’ve been more present with in the moment, but his thoughts kept drifting.

His phone buzzed. It was subtle, just a vibration against his thigh, and he shouldn't have been waiting for it. He pulled it out, holding it under the table, but when he stared at the screen, there was a text from an unknown number. It read just one thing.

who is she?

He immediately looked up at the bar and around him. There was hardly anybody here. 

She. Did they mean Naomi?

They couldn't mean you. How could anybody know about you? His best bet was to ignore it. If they were threatening him, they would demand something in return.

"Everything okay, Hyunjin?" The woman asked. He looked up, forcing a small smile as he slipped the phone back into his pocket. “Yeah. Just work stuff.”

She frowned, "You work too hard." She turned toward him, her knee brushing his under the table like it meant nothing. He smiled, shifting away slightly, trying not to offend her. He wanted to be honest and tell her he wasn't interested, but he didn't have the liberty of doing that.

Across the table, someone was telling a story, animated, hands moving as they spoke. He exhaled, glancing down at the condensation gathering on his glass, tracing it absently with his fingertip. The text worried him. If it was about you. If they have his phone number, they probably have yours too. He felt like you should know, but that would worry you so much. It would ruin your birthday, for sure. His chest suddenly felt heavy. How could he make sure you were okay from so far away?

“I don’t want to be rude.” He said quietly, moving to get up, "But my manager's calling me."

"Noo!" She pouted, standing up to hug him goodbye, "Thanks for coming down here anyway. Let me know what you think about being on the song." She slipped him her number, "Or, you could tell me in person. I'm in room 205."

Hyunjin nodded, not failing to see her intent. She was so bold to invite him to her room. He nodded, forcing a polite smile because despite everything, she was a kind person, "Right. I'll let you know. Goodnight, Naomi."

He walked over to Eunwoo, who sat at the bar, slowly drinking Gin. He was definitely already tipsy by the way he talked to Hyunjin, "Jinnie. How was she?" Hyunjin stood by the bar for a few moments, "Good. She wants to do a song with me." "I hope you said yes already." He said. Hyunjin nodded, hands pushed in his pocket, "I…I told her I'll think about it. Since we're going to be busy with the next album, I didn't want to promise anything."

Eunwoo laughed, "You're definitely making that song, Hyunjin. It's going to be a great opportunity. We'll make time in your schedule. Speaking of, tomorrow's your day off. We can finally go explore the city. You've earned it. Plus, I have a feeling Naomi's agent will want to set up lunch with you."

Hyunjin stared at him, surprised, "Seriously? No schedule?”

Eunwoo nodded, looking at him over the rim of his glass as he took in another big gulp, "Yup."

Hyunjin only a second to formulate a plan. His voice dropped, "Actually that's good, because I think I might be coming down with something."

"What?" Eunwoo asked, leaning forward, "Something you ate?"

"I don't know. I might have caught something." Hyunjin was tired, so he didn't have to fake much, "Maybe a fever."

"Hey, you really have to take care of yourself. I don't know any doctors here. We can find one." Eunwoo twisted in his chair to face him. Hyunjin squeezed his eyes shut and he doesn't want to make this Eunwoo's problem, "That's really not needed. I…I just need a few hours to rest."

"I'll bring medicine to your room tonight."

"No, no, whatever it is, I don't want you to catch it. Thank you for…taking care of me." He swallowed, and he's never been good at lying. It helped that Eunwoo wasn't all in his senses, because he didn't suspect a thing, pinching his cheek, "It's my job, kid."

Hyunjin smiled at him faintly, heading back up to his room. With any luck, Eunwoo would drink until late and that would give Hyunjin enough time to slip away. They didn't have any schedules tomorrow, and maybe he wouldn't even notice he was gone.

»»————-

It felt like you're meeting someone you've admired forever, a legend.

The art museum rose out of Museumplein in sharp lines, the glass catching the morning light in a way that seemed fantastical. You stood there longer than you meant to. The building was beautiful, and this was just the outside. You dug into your bag for your camera. It was a cheap disposable one you’d picked up at a 7/11 before your flight. Everything looked better on film. You snapped a picture, when a man came up to you, holding a sunflower. He smiled at you, "Ma'am, a flower for you?"

“Oh, hi.” You smiled back. The vendor seemed sweet, he grinned at you, "Beautiful day, isn't it?" "Sure is." You smiled. He then extended the sunflower for you, "Van Gogh's favorite." "Oh, no that's fine, I don't need it." You smiled, trying to politely decline but he pushed the flower to you, "Just ten euros." "Ten euros?" You can't hide your surprise, "That's…one expensive flower." "Matches your dress." The vendor smiled. He was right. You'd chosen to wear your black dress, the skirt's made of lace and it falls perfectly over your boots. It's tight in the top, strappy, not weather appropriate but when you'd seen it in the window in Gangnam, you couldn't resist it. There's a small sunflower stitched at the neckline, and so it's perfect for this occasion. At least your coat kept you warm. "It's only ten euros, freshly picked." He repeated. You've never been good at saying no, so you smiled at him, "Sure." 

You dug into your purse, searching for your wallet, and looked around the museumplein, wondering if you're the only one getting scammed out of ten euros. Your eyes landed on tourists taking pictures, street vendors, some dressed like Van Gogh which might even be in poor taste, and then you spot someone familiar.

His back was to you, and he's taking a picture on the big camera of his. The guy from the plane. You wondered if that's really him, cause last you knew he was headed to Paris for work, and what are the odds that he would be here, same time as you?

"Ma'am." The vendor repeated, and he's clearly run out of patience. Your hands finally grabbed the wallet, and you pulled out a ten euro note. You handed it over, hesitant and then he handed you the single flower. You nodded, trying to not be irritated, "Thank you!”

But before you could finish thanking him, he's walking off, clearly not interested in holding a conversation anymore. You sighed, staring down at your little sunflower. It was pretty. You turned it slowly between your fingers.

"Oh no. They got you." Someone said. You looked up, and sure enough, it was the boy from the plane. He was walking over to you, holding his camera in his hands. You laughed, lifting your hands up to show off your newly acquired flower, "Guess they did."

"Smile." He said, and then suddenly took a picture of you. You flinched, caught off guard. Then he put his camera down, noticing your expression, "Sorry."

"It's fine. I just wasn't expecting that. What are you doing here?" You asked him, "I thought you'd be in Paris by now."

"Yeah, my flight isn't until later this evening. Hell of a layover, huh? The team I'm travelling with is dead asleep at the airport hotel. But, I thought I'd be brave and venture out. Plus, there was a last-minute ticket to the museum and I couldn't skip that."

"There's worse places to be stuck." You tucked the flower into the pocket of your coat. He nodded, "Exactly right. And I have enough time to kill to see the museum. Heard so much about it."

"Yeah." You smiled, looking back up at the gorgeous building, "I was just heading in, before I was accosted by the vendor." "You gotta start learning to say no. Especially in the touristy districts." He tilt his head, "Are you meeting friends later?" "Oh. No. I…it's just me." You said, watching his face, "I probably shouldn't be telling you this. Seeing as how you're a total stranger and I just told you I'm traveling alone." You rolled your eyes, "Never mind."

He laughed, shaking his head. “Oh, well we can change that then."

"Change what?” You asked. "Being strangers." He extended his hand to you in a handshake, "I'm Jake." You hesitated for a second before taking his hand. “Jake.” you repeated, a small smile tugging at your lips, "So, you're a photographer?"

"Yup. The soccer team I'm traveling with, I do their official stuff. But sometimes I like to do architecture. It really depends on the day. I don't try to pigeonhole myself. I capture what I find beautiful, and what inspires me." He explained, as you walked into the museum. You nodded, "So… everything."

He laughed, "Yeah. You could say that. So now that you know everything about me, are you gonna tell me your name?"

"Oh. I didn't realise I haven't yet. I'm Y/N." You smiled at him. Jake walked alongside you, his camera bag swinging by his side as you went through the lobby, "So what kind of girl are you?"

"Excuse me?" You grabbed a map of the museum, glancing at him. He smiled, "I mean, do you stop and take in at every painting, or do you speed through? God knows there's not enough time in the day to see everything."

You stared at the map, and the museum was three floors and you fully intended to see all of it, "I think I'm probably gonna take a long time, so I wouldn't want you to wait for me."

"Oh, I don't mind." He smiled. When you finally make it past the lobby, your chest tightened with anticipation. It felt strange to finally be here. Almost sacred.

Inside, the air hummed with hushed voices and footsteps.You followed the timeline instinctively, drawn into his early work first. You leaned in, studying the brushstrokes like it was the most important thing in the world. You’d seen these paintings a thousand times—online, in books, in magazines. But here, the paint had weight. Dimension. It felt alive. You could almost trace the movement of his hand, the urgency in every stroke.

You found yourself imagining it—how you’d paint it, where your hand would go next. You've chosen to skip the audio guide because there's only so much stimulus you can take.

You moved slowly through the rooms. Jake lingered around you. Sometimes you lost him, and then you bumped into each other, staring at the same painting. You're not sure how to make conversation with him. He's a stranger, and you're not in the mood to talk. 

You know he's probably just trying to befriend you. After all, the odds of you two being here at the same time are low. You're sure he's a lovely person, he seems talented and he's friendly, but he's caught you at a bad time. You're overwhelmed by all your emotions. You felt inspired, and sad, and strangely at peace all at once. All you can think of is how if Hyunjin was here, you wouldn't even have to think about it. You could both live in silence, or maybe not. Maybe you'd talk his ear off.

You spent longer than you meant to in every room, drifting back and forth, returning to paintings you weren’t ready to leave. You studied the letters and fragments of his thoughts, that made him feel less like a legend and more like a person who desperately needed to create in order to survive himself. Just like yourself.

Your throat tightened as you reached the end of Van Gogh's work, of his life. He lived so long before you, and still, you saw yourself in him. It made something in you ache. Your fingers itched to work. To fly home and throw yourself into your art, to become someone you could be proud of.

Jake caught your eye from across the room. You cleared your throat, giving him a small wave, the sunflower still in your hand. You were exhausted in the best way. Your feet ached. 

Even the gift shop felt meaningful, not capitalistic as you'd expect. You ran your fingers over sketchbooks, postcards, prints, like touching them would keep the feeling from fading. Jake hovered around you, buying a souvenir as well and mostly commenting on how much stuff you got. You got a bit of everything, for all of your friends, for Hyunjin and for yourself. You don't know when you'll see them all next, but you want to bring them a gift of how magical this place was.

The best part was still left. The field of sunflowers. 

He casually fell into step with you, reading the brochure, "Did you know they don't open this exhibit much? Apparently, they only did it once before. So, guess we came at the right time."

You're sure Hyunjin probably knew about this exhibit, and surely wanted you to see it. You stepped out, and it was hard to hide your shock. The field stretched endlessly, sunflowers in every direction. It felt like a labyrinth, narrow paths winding between walls of flowers.

Jake started reading from the museum brochure, "So, Van Gogh made his first still lifes of sunflowers in Paris. His friend, the painter Paul Gauguin was impressed by them and called the paintings 'completely Vincent'. His fellow painters thought that sunflowers were perhaps somewhat coarse and unrefined. But this is exactly what Vincent liked. So guess he saw the beauty and potential in them that nobody did."

Tears pricked your eyes. You tightened your grip on your bag, moving slowly through it. Tourists drifted in and out, but the maze was so big you often found yourself alone. You had to stop, just to breathe. Jake walked beside you. “Isn’t it beautiful?”

“Do you think I’m allowed to touch them?” Your hand hovered near the flowers. He shrugged, “Does it matter? Do it anyway.” You glanced at him — you'd made an unlikely companion in him— before brushing your fingers against the petals. They were soft. You let out a quiet breath. “It makes me want to grow a sunflower field back home.”

“In Seoul?” Jake laughed. You corrected him, “I’m from a small town in the south. Daejon.”

“Well. You’ve got a head start.” He nodded to the flower in your hand. You laughed, lifting it slightly. “One very expensive head start.”

You turned a corner, stopping at a patch where the flowers seemed even brighter. Jake nudged you. “Come on. Let me get a picture.”

“No, I’m good. I’ll take one of you though.” You shook your head. He whined, “Come on. Are you planning on coming back here?”

You hesitated, then sighed. “Fine.” You held the flower up, smiling despite yourself. “Wow.” Jake said. “That’s a good one.”

“Okay, I’m done now. Please.” You laughed, already stepping back. He groaned, but let you go. You glanced out at the maze stretching in every direction. “There must be thousands of these.”

"I read that there's almost 100,000." He told you, and you blinked at him, "That's a crazy number.” 

"Look at this picture I got of you." Jake laughed, "It looks good, but you look so awkward." You leaned in, peeking at his preview screen, "Wow, but the camera quality is so good."

“It should be. Cost me two months’ rent.” He said. Your eyes widened. “Can I try?” He didn’t hesitate. He placed it in your hands, guiding you through the buttons. “Just press here.”

You lifted it, peering through the viewfinder. It felt different and cinematic already. Far better than your disposable. You zoomed in, focusing on the details of the flower, the petals and how light was catching in them. You then captured Jake, zooming into his face and he laughed, hiding his face with his arms, "Stop, Y/N! I gave it to you to film the flowers, not me."

You laughed, just wanting to get back at him for all the times he filmed you, teasing, "Doesn't feel so good to have the camera on you now, does it?" You turned around, adjusting the focus. Then through all of the flowers, the camera fixated on a single person watching you. You knew that silhouette.

Your breath caught in your throat, as he came into focus. 

A bouquet of flowers in his hand, Hyunjin was standing at the end of the trail.

"Oh my god." You lowered the camera immediately, needing to see him with your own eyes. "What?" Jake laughed, nudging you, "It is beautiful, isn't it?"

You barely heard him. Hyunjin was here. Somehow. His eyes were fixed on you and then briefly on Jake. The brim of his cap shadowed his face, but you would’ve known him anywhere. Bundled up in a brown corduroy jacket, he stood tall in the field of flowers, towering over the vastness of its beauty and his hands tightened around the bouquet in his hands. Sunflowers. 

For a second, neither of you moved. Then you stepped forward, your things slipping from your hands onto the gravel, forgotten. “Oh my god.” You breathed, “What… what are you doing here?”

He was waiting for you.

"Y/N. I…" He stepped forward. He laughed, but it came out like a nervous chuckle, "Surprise."

"You're here." You managed to say. He nodded, "Yes. I am…I'm here to see you. Is that okay?"

"Is that okay?" You laughed, and then pulled him into a hug, arms wrapping around his waist. He stumbled slightly, then settled into it, his chin resting on top of your head. “You’re crushing the flowers.” He murmured. “I got them for you.” 

“I’m sorry.” You pulled back, looking up at him. His gaze didn’t stay on you for long. They drifted to Jake, who was awkwardly standing behind you. The question was on his lips, but Hyunjin was far too proud to ask. "Oh—" You cleared your throat, "This is…Jake."

"Hey, man." Jake extended his hand. Hyunjin looked at it for a second, like he wasn’t sure what to do with it. His lips were tight, and then finally he smiled politely, "Hi. How do you know each other?"

"Ah…She was my only entertainment for 14 hours." Jake laughed. Your grip tightened slightly around Hyunjin’s arm. Jake then clarified, "We sat next to each other on the plane."

“Oh.” Hyunjin nodded once. “I see.” His hand found yours again, almost instinctively. His eyes were back on you, “Did you see everything you wanted to?” 

You laced your fingers with his, “Yeah. And more. When did you get here? Have you been waiting long?”

"Doesn't matter. Did you like the museum?"

“I loved it.” You had the sudden urge to kiss him. But not here. Not with Jake here. So instead, you squeezed his hand, fingers threading tighter through his. Maybe that was just as obvious. Jake didn’t seem to notice anyway. He was busy scrolling through his camera.

“I’ll text these to you.” He said. You nodded, “Oh, yeah. That’d be nice.”

“I don’t have your number.” He laughed, handing you his phone. You typed it in quickly, handing it back. “It was nice meeting you.”

Jake smiled. “Yeah. When you’re back in Seoul, hit me up. We should catch up.”

“Hope you make it to Paris.” You said, giving him a small wave. He nodded, then walked off. You waited until he disappeared around the corner before turning back to Hyunjin. Your eyes were wide, you couldn’t help it. Your surprise was obvious. He watched you for a second, a smile pulling at his lips, “What?”

You pulled him into another hug, burying your face into his chest, "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

He laughed, hugging you back, "What are you thanking me for?"

You breathed in his scent, his cologne, his warmth and looked up at him, "You're here. In person. I wished for that, but I thought it was impossible. You just made this trip like a million times better."

His lips curved into a smile and his hand reached up to tuck your hair back, "I mean…it seems like you had company already, but—"

"Hyunjin. That's nobody." You exhaled, hands curled in the front of his jacket, "You just keep surprising me." And so I just keep loving you. 

"I got this for you." He smiled, handing you the flowers. The bouquet smelled so good, and you showed him your single sunflower, "Now I can give this one a home."

"I…I was worried about you." Hyunjin's hand came to rest on your arm, stroking it lightly. Your heart squeezed, "You were?" 

Something flickered through his gaze, "When I couldn't talk to you, everything was so crazy busy, and it's your birthday tomorrow and selfishly I just needed to see you."

"That's okay, Hyunjin. I wanted to see you too." You smiled, squeezing his arm in reassurance, "But what about the fashion week? Your schedule…? I thought you were fully booked until the end of the week." 

"I'm taking a sick day."

"A sick day?" You asked, incredulous. He nodded, "I'm allowed, aren't I?"

"They're really not gonna fire you or something?" You asked. He smiled, "They can try. Nobody knows I'm here."

"Not even Chan…?"

"Not even Chan." He repeated, a small smile on his lips, "He would have surely talked me out of it."

"How did you pull that off? Don't they have like a tracker on you guys?" You asked. He laughed, "They wish. I'm thousands of miles away overseas. So, we're…essentially invisible."

Your eyebrows shot up, "Invisible?" You pulled him closer, hands curling in his collar, "That might be the hottest thing you've ever said."

His voice was hesitant, "You happy I'm here? I didn't want to crash your vacation."

"Of course. You can't tell?" It was hard to hold back from kissing him, but you had to remind yourself you were still in a public place. Still, it didn't stop you from being pressed to his body, arms around his neck. You can't tell how much I love you?

You were at the point of no return, where you should just say it to him just so it's out of you, so the words exist separate from your body. They'd been held in you for so long, and you were used to keeping your feelings close to your chest, but you could only do that for so long. Hyunjin loved a lot of things. Performing. Art. His friends. But those were all different from you. You might die if you said it and he didn't feel the same. Even just thinking of saying it to him was scary, and your pulse quickened.

His hand caressed your cheek, "I made dinner reservations for us. The restaurant is by the water, and it has the most beautiful views. I went there with Changbin once a few years ago. Did you wanna have dinner there? …With me?" There's a nervousness in his tone, that you're not used to. It's so sweet. Him asking gives you butterflies.

"That sounds amazing. You can take me anywhere, don't even ask." You smiled up at him. His gaze was kind, "You trust me that much?"

"You could literally blindfold me, walk me to the edge of a cliff and I'd trust you." You sighed. His grip on you tightened, "You can't say things like that."

"Sir…? Ma'am…?" A voice interrupted you, and you snapped out of your reverie to see a museum employee. She had a sheepish look on her face, "I didn't mean to interrupt but the sunflower exhibit's closing in 5, and all guests have to make their way to the exit."

"Right. Sorry. We'll be on our way." Hyunjin gained his composure, and then grabbed your hand. You squeezed your bouquet, other hand holding his as he led you out of the garden back onto the museumplein. "I wish I could have seen the museum with you."

"I know. That would have been perfect. Have you ever been?” You asked him. He shook his head, "No, I haven't. Last time we were here on tour, I couldn't get tickets. They sell really fast and…yeah. I only got yours because it was weeks in advance."

"What?" You stopped walking, looking up at him, "Let's go back."

He glanced at where you'd just exited, laughing, "Y/N. They're closing…we won't be able to."

"But…" You were disappointed. You know he would have loved to see it. He tugged you closer, "You had a good time right? Tell me all about it, and it'll be like I'm there."

"I guess." You weren't really happy with that outcome. He nodded, "Besides, if we were in the museum together, we might have never left. They would have to kick us out, and…we wouldn't have gotten anything else done today."

"Yeah but I got to see it instead with Jake from the plane. Great." You sighed. Hyunjin's expression faltered, for only a second, but then he tugged you along, "Yeah."

It was a beautiful day out and you walked alongside the water, letting him lead you. There were crowds all around, but nobody seemed to look at the two of you. It probably also helped that his face was obscured by his cap, to everyone but you. You glanced at your interlaced hands, peering at his fingers and black-painted nails, "They painted your nails for the show?"

"Actually, I did." He admitted, holding it up to show you, "Did I do well?"

"Yes, you did such a good job. Better than I could have." You smiled, running your hand over his fingers, and how dainty they were. He had new rings on, different shapes and bands on each finger. You shouldn't, in this sweet moment, get distracted by how long his fingers were, and how good they would feel touching you. It's as if Hyunjin could see right through you, and he tilt his head at you, "You like it that much?"

You looked up at him, embarrassed, leaving your hold on his hand, "It's pretty. But this one's chipped." He sighed, "Yeah. Maybe you can help me fix it later."

He led you over a little bridge, and you stood in the middle, staring at the water below. You don't want to snap out of this beautiful dream, even though it just has begun. You're quiet for too long, and all you could think of is how beautiful the art you've just seen is. It lives on in you. Hyunjin rest his hands on the barrier, watching the ducks in the water, "So, tell me about it. About the museum."

You stared at the ripples in the water below, "It was so beautiful, Hyunjin. I really wish you saw it. The almond blossom was the prettiest shade of blue. When I was there all I was thinking was that I want to paint my bedroom that color. Maybe that's superficial of me, but the colors were so gorgeous. Oh my god, wait and they had Irises on display! Have I ever told you that I always wanted to see that painting and…?" You trailed off at Hyunjin's amused expression as you talked, "What?"

 He shook his head, a small smile on his lips, "Nothing. Tell me."

"I'm rambling."

"No…I…I love listening to you." He smiled, and his hand came to rest on your jaw, cupping your cheek, "Even if you were, I could listen to you for hours. Anyway, I'm vicariously living through you right now so tell me everything."

Your heart beat faster as you looked up at him. At the look in his eyes. Fondness. He looked beautiful. It was so different from how he was at the fashion show. Bare-faced, he glowed in the sun. It always caught you off guard how perfect he was. How in the hell did you get so lucky?

"Y/N?" He asked.

"Yeah? What was I saying?" You were embarrassed again. How were you so easily taken by him? Even after all this time, he captivated you like the first time you saw him.

There was a glint of amusement in his eyes, he knew the effect he had on you, even when he casually spoke with you. His hands found their home on your waist, and he turned you around to face him, pinning you against the bridge, "You were talking about Irises."

You don't know how this position was supposed to help you focus, his hands tucked inside your coat, holding you, but you swallowed, "Yeah, yeah they had Irises on display and it is just a flower vase but it feels so profound."

"I know what you mean." 

"And Hyun, there were so many people there. Like…it was so crowded. I even saw families and tour groups from Seoul, and a lot of people on dates. It was nice to see so many people care about his art. I still couldn't help but feel sad."

"Why were you sad?" His voice was soft, fingers splayed against your waist, playing with the lace of your top.

"When he was still alive, he didn't know how loved he was. He had such an unhappy life and…I wish he knew how loved he was. It was really hard to see what he expressed through his art." Your chest hurt, "Maybe it's silly but…he only sold a single painting in his life and now, now people come from all around the world to see his work. Which is amazing but I just wish he could see that." 

"It's not silly." Hyunjin's expression was earnest, and his fingers slipped under your top, comfortingly stroking your skin, "You're right. It is sad, but…isn't it a good thing that people love his work now?"

"But when it mattered, he didn't know. It's only after he died."

Hyunjin pulled you closer, voice dropping low, "He inspires other people, people like you, amazing… talented, thoughtful artists like you…and his work lives on in that. That makes it immortal. Isn't that so much more special?"

"I guess you're right." The knot in your chest loosened, and you stared up at him, "You always know the right thing to say."

He smiled, a dimple in his cheek, "I don't want you to be sad. Not when I'm here with you, not when we're in this beautiful place."

"I can never be sad when you're with me." 

Because I love you so much. Like a devil on your shoulder, your brain told you to say it.

"Excuse me?" A voice interrupted the two of you. A girl approached you on the bridge, smiling, glancing between the two of you. Your heart dropped. For a second, you wondered if she’d recognized him. Hyunjin didn't move away from you though, or stop holding you. He stood as he was, relaxed, curious. She started to explain, "My friends and I saw saw you from across the street. You guys looked super cute. I took a few pictures of you that I can send, if you don't mind."

You waited for Hyunjin's reaction, and he smiled at her, "Can I see them?"

"Sure!" She stepped closer, showing you the pictures, tilting her phone towards you. She was right. It looked like a scene from a movie. How Hyunjin towered over you, holding you close on the bridge as boats passed underneath you in the canal. You glanced over, and her friend group was waiting for her by the edge, giggling. You wonder if they dared her to come over here. It remind you of your friends back home. She sent them to his phone, and he smiled, "Thank you. You're a great photographer."

"Are you guys on vacation?" She asked. Hyunjin nodded, "Mmh. We are."

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that you guys make a cute couple! I should get going." The girl laughed awkwardly, then ran off to her friends. Hyunjin laughed, glancing at you, "That was funny. She was really sweet." All of her group was giggling as they looked at Hyunjin, and your eyebrows shot up, "Pretty sure she only came here because they thought you were handsome."

"Well. Then it's a good thing they know I'm yours." He squeezed your waist, nails digging into your sides. You studied his face and how there was not an ounce of worry on it. In fact, you'd never seen him look so relaxed. So you asked, "Does that stuff not scare you? What if they post it online or something?"

"Well, it seemed innocent. Her reasons. I don't want to assume that everyone that approaches me has some ulterior motive, or is out to get me. That mindset is what pushed me away from you at the start and I'm trying to get over it. Her intentions seemed genuine enough."

"That makes sense."

"And it would be really narcissistic of me to assume everyone in the world knows who I am." He said, a pink flush in his cheeks, "Even when it is a fan, if I'm by myself, I welcome it. I know I would be scared going up to my idols, so…if someone approaches me, I think it's really brave."

"Does that happen to you a lot?"

"Yeah, it does. I find it cute when they talk to me. It's always so nice to meet them up close, especially when they take time out of their lives to support me, I mean I'm a total stranger to them, aren't I?"

You smiled, "They're so lucky to have you, you know. Not every celebrity would be so welcoming. I've heard a lot of them are dicks, but what do I know? You're the only famous person I know."

He smiled, looking over you at the boats passing, "I chose this life for myself, and…the people that support me, I never want to push them away. They're the reason I'm here, the reason I can take you out, and why I can live my dream."

"Wow. Seemed like you really enjoyed the fashion week." You said. He laughed, "I just realised how lucky I am to have what I have. I've been taking it for granted too often."

You couldn't help the smile on your lips. Hyunjin had so often been hurt by the life he lived, and to see him be grateful for it was the most special thing. You knew how hard he had worked for this. He tucked your hair back, "Anyway, do you want to get some coffee? There's a good bakery down the street."

"If my answer to that question is ever no, you'll know I've been possessed by someone else." You joked. He laughed, grabbing your hand again to lead the way. You don't know how he knew the way instinctively and didn't even have to look it up. It was hot. 

The sky stretched pale blue over the town. You tried to take it all in, but it was hard to focus on anything but the boy by your side. At one point, he switched hands so he could hold your waist, as you crossed the street over, watching bikes go by. The city was so alive, and you talked endlessly, telling him all about your day. 

It felt unreal to have this freedom with him.

"By the way, how was the fashion show? You haven't told me yet." You asked him. He glanced at you, "It was amazing. We were in a castle, which was pretty insane in itself. You would have loved it so much. The clothes were really beautiful. The creative director that invited me, she treated me well, which doesn't always happen. Sometimes it can feel just transactional but…she was so sweet. Inspiring how successful she was."

"That's nice." You smiled, as you approached the cafe. A chalkboard sign outside read 'Fresh Stroopwafels & Koffie | Cash Only'

It looked adorable, a green and blue awning extending out, bikes parked by the front. Hyunjin held open the door for you and you laughed, commenting on his chivalry. 

The scent of warm cinnamon and butter was strong. He went up to the counter to order, and you observed a wall full of postcards. You peered at them, reading all of the notes scribbled on them. The stories people had written were honest and funny. You read a postcard: i met my husband at this coffee shop fifteen years ago! we still come here every year for our anniversary

It made you smile. Fifteen years was a long time, but if you spent it with Hyunjin, it would go by in a blink. You wanted to put one up too. There was an adorable vending machine next to it, with postcards on display to buy, some hand-drawn, some photographs.

"Hyun?" You looked back at the counter. He was grabbing some stroopwafels in neatly packed brown paper, laughing with the coffee shop owner. The older man seemed sweet, handing Hyunjin your coffees. “Your girl is calling you.” The man gestured to him. Hyunjin turned to you, “What is it, darling?”

You blinked. It caught you off guard completely, and your stomach flipped. You were suddenly very aware of the room, of the glances from people nearby. Heat crept up your neck. “Um…” You tucked your hands into your sleeves, “Do you have any change? I want to buy a postcard.” 

He nodded, with a small smile, and tossed you his wallet, “Of course.”

It seemed like he couldn't care less that other people had heard him. It felt like a different him, one you'd never experienced in Seoul. Is this what he was like, with no restrictions and no stress? You smiled, trying to pick out what postcard you wanted. There was one with a watercolor print on it. It was perfect. It was only 50 cents. You reached into Hyunjin's wallet for change, and an unfamiliar crinkling got your attention.

You peeked inside. 

Fuck.

There were four condoms tucked neatly into Hyunjin's wallet.

Your head snapped up to his, unable to hold in your surprise. He was busy in conversation. But to you, everything else faded away. He ran a hand through his hair as he talked to the cafe owner. The bracelets on his wrist collided with each other, falling to his forearm, only stopped by the sleeve of his jacket.

The hair that he'd just pushed back was stubborn and it fell back into his eyes. Your gut twisted in pleasure, and you clenched around nothing.

Did he always carry these? Or did he bring them especially for this? You don't know which one was worse. They both made you feel insane. 

You imagined him purchasing it, thinking about the fact that he planned it, and you were heating up. 

"Did you find one you liked?" Hyunjin asked you, suddenly close to you. The bubble popped, and all of the sounds of the world came flooding back. You blurted, "Yeah."

If you said anything more, you would embarrass yourself. You input the change into the machine, and the postcard fell out. Hyunjin stood behind you, hand reaching out to grab it and he was standing too close. His voice was low as he looked at the postcard, "Oh, that's gorgeous."

"Mmh." You stared at it, and you suddenly didn't know what to write on it. Your mind was drawing a blank. Hyunjin nudged you, handing you your coffee. You grabbed it from him. Your fingers brushed his, and the contact lingered longer than it should have. Heat flickered up your arm, sudden and sharp, your body reacting before your mind could catch up. Your emotions are suddenly tenfold, and even when he's yours, you feel driven insane by your desire for him. 

"What are you gonna write on it?" He asked. You were finding it hard to breathe, his body hovering over yours, so casually. 

I should write that I love you and maybe that's the best way to tell you so I don't have to find the courage to say it. "I…I don't know. Maybe I can come back later."

"Of course. Don't rush yourself, baby." He said, grabbing your hand. Your palms must be sweaty, but you followed him out of the cafe, trying a sip of your coffee to calm yourself. The setting sun was turning the sky into a beautiful purple. He watched you closely, smiling at your expression but he didn't know that you were wrecking him in your mind, "It's good, isn't it?"

"Yeah." It was one of the best you'd ever had, and Hyunjin sipped on his too as he said, "We should probably get going to dinner. It's a little further out from here."

He tossed his cup into a trash can, and then found your hand again. He's holding your things in his other hand, the souveniors from the museum and the bouquet he got you. "You bought a lot of things." He looked inside your Van Gogh bag. You smiled, "They are mostly for my friends…there's some for you too. Jake, that guy you met, he actually helped me pick some out."

He looked up at you, "Am I allowed to see it?"

"Of course."

He rummaged through the shopping bag, and pulled out a set of postcards, "This for me?"

"No…that's for Felix."

You felt his stance falter, and then he moved on, hand digging through the rest of the bag. You wanted to ask him what that meant. Why he had that reaction, but you're not stupid. You know he's always felt a certain way for Felix, but he also knows how you feel about him. And your feelings for Hyunjin are stronger than anything you've ever felt in your life. 

He let out a sigh, and you think he's going to say something about it, his lips searching for the words but he doesn't. So, you said, "The sketchbook is yours."

Hyunjin's eyes widened when he saw it, "Oh my god." He flipped through it, a quiet laugh leaving him, "It's perfect."

"I thought you could use it for when you travel." You explained. He looked at you, "How is it that it's supposed to be your birthday but you're the one getting me gifts?"

"I can't think of a better gift than us being here together."

Suddenly your phone rang, startling you. Yongbok was calling you. It's crazy. You were just talking about him. "Do you mind if I take this?" You asked Hyunjin. He nodded, "Of course, but we're almost at the tram stop."

"I'll hurry." You told him, picking up the call, "Hey."

"Oh my god, you finally picked up. I was going crazy and thought you were going to break our midnight tradition." Felix said. Right. He had a habit of seeing you on the dot at twelve every year on your birthday. It must already be midnight there in Daejon. He didn't know you weren't home. You smiled, "I know, I'm sorry, I missed your call I think."

"Phew. Scared me. Well, Happy birthday, love. I know we've had our ups and downs, and last year was particularly…trying for us but you're the greatest girl I know and nothing changes that, even if we had a crazy summer. I can't wait for you to come home in summer. I promise I'll be a little less toxic." He laughed. You smiled, "Thank you. You're so sweet, Yongbok. How's Minho and the others? You guys miss me?"

Hyunjin glanced at you at that, realising who you were talking to, his expression shifting. Felix continued, "Obviously we miss you. I hope I was still the first one to call you. Oh, also I know you're not in touch with Hyunjin but…god I'm so fucking jealous of him. How is he always so lucky? I should have stayed friends with him."

'"What do you mean?" You were confused. Felix sighed, "You know, that picture of him with Naomi Scott. The actress? She's so fucking hot. You don't remember I had the biggest crush on her when we were teenagers? And of course he met her!"

"Y/N. We have to go. The tram's here." Hyunjin motioned to you, and you were still a block away. Your gut twisted, and you asked Felix, "How do you know that?" "Of course you're out of the loop. She posted about it on her Instagram." He mumbled. You looked up, and now the tram was pulling out of the station, "Sorry I gotta go, Lix. I'll talk to you later."

Hyunjin was staring at you expectantly, almost disappointed that you missed the tram. You hung up, and then smiled apologetically at him, "I'm so sorry about that. He wanted to be the first one to wish me."

You had no idea who that actress was, but you'd heard Felix talk about her when you were teenagers. Hyunjin nodded, leaning against the tram stop, "Is this your first birthday away from him?"

You glanced up, trying not to think about it. This wasn't the time and place to feel jealous over a faceless woman. You didn't even know her or what she looked like. Just that she was an actress and somehow had posted a picture with Hyunjin. Why hadn't he mentioned it? You thought hard about his question, "I guess, yeah. We've always been together ever since I was a kid and…even though I didn't ever go all out in celebrating it, Felix would always do something for me."

Hyunjin crossed his arms as you waited for the next tram, "Like what?"

You tried not to focus on your feelings, but instead on the moment, answering him, "When we were still in school, we had a curfew, which sucked and I was very upset about it on my 16th birthday. So later that night, he snuck out so he could come to my house at midnight. He showed up with my favorite cake from this bakery that we definitely couldn't afford…and…I'm pretty sure he stole it, which is just not like him." You rolled your eyes at the memory.

"Did he get in trouble?"

"So much trouble after. He said it was worth it… for me. Everyone was pretty mad at him for a week." You laughed, "But they all forgave him pretty easy, he's the golden boy."

"That…that sounds really nice." Hyunjin said. "Yeah…" You sat down on the bench to rest, "Sorry. I made us miss the tram."

"No, it's not your fault." He said, a little too quick, eyes wandering to his phone. "Glad you got to talk to Felix. I think the next tram is in twelve minutes."

You frowned at his lackluster response, but Hyunjin stayed quiet. You wanted to ask him about Naomi and whatever the picture was. This wasn't the time. You looked at a pair of ducks in the canal, swimming along perfectly. A little girl crouched by the canal, holding out a piece of bread for them, right next to the 'No Feeding' Sign. You hugged your coat tighter to yourself, "Well, There's worse places to be waiting. Like how is this real?"

Hyunjin didn't respond, and when you looked at him, he was busy looking at something on his phone. "Our dinner reservation is in thirty minutes. Hopefully we make it on time."

"Are they gonna hold the table for us if we're behind?" 

"No. Probably not. They're very popular."

"Right." 

Hyunjin was uncharacteristically quiet, and reserved. You didn't want anything to taint this perfect day, so you asked, "Are you okay? I'm sorry I took that call, I know I probably could have waited—"

"It doesn't matter, Y/N."

You weren't prepared for that response. He seemed upset at you. You would apologize, if Hyunjin admitted what he was really upset about. He was your entire world and you couldn't have him be mad at you, for even a second. It had to be your phone call with Felix that upset him. That could be the only reason, but you knew if you asked him that, you'd probably hurt him more. That was the last thing you wanted to do.

You didn't want to push him, but you weren't going to prolong this tension so you said, "But it's okay if you're upset at me. Just tell me and we can—"

"Not everything is about you, Y/N. I'm not upset."

What the hell? 

Your heart twisted, and you stared at him. But he wasn't looking at you. It seemed like he didn't want to talk. You crossed your arms, staring at the display that still showed ten minutes. You were so confused. You couldn't go to dinner with this tension brewing underneath. You looked back at him, "If it's not about me, then why aren't you talking to me?"

He looked right at you, hands tucked in his pockets, "What do you wanna talk about?"

You blinked, "I…you can tell me if something's wrong."

"I know that. My manager's just…asking me where I am."

"Oh." That explained his frustration, "What are you going to say to him?"

"I don't know, Y/N." He chuckled, irritation in his tone, "You got any ideas?"

It was clear he didn't want to talk to you right now. So you shook your head, staring at the pattern on your tights, waiting for the tram. You didn't want to get hung up on this argument.

Right on time, the tram slowed to a stop in front of you.

Hyunjin gestured for you to get on first, and you did, slipping into the crowd of people. No seats so you moved toward the middle, careful not to brush against anyone, one hand curling around the metal pole to steady yourself.

You waited for him to come up beside you. By the time you turned, he’d stopped a few steps away, separated from you by a wall of strangers. There wasn’t enough space for the two of you to squeeze in together.

Your chest tightened yet again. He said he wasn't upset, but he wasn't even looking at you.

Outside, the world slid by. It was beautiful and you wanted to enjoy it. The tram jerked to a stop, and the doors opened with a chime. A woman struggled to manoeuver a stroller through the crowd, muttering apologies as people shifted. Before you could move, Hyunjin was already helping her. He reached for the front of the stroller, lifting it carefully, guiding it past the narrow space with practiced ease. The woman smiled, clearly relieved. “Thank you… you’re so sweet.”

He smiled back, soft, polite. A small dimple appeared in his cheek. You forced your gaze away from him. Relationships were always so fucking confusing and it was your fault for not being too experienced in one. Your thoughts circled back, unhelpfully, to her. That actress Yongbok had mentioned.

You looked at Hyunjin, but he was already looking at you. Before you could say something, he said, "This is us."

"Okay." You nodded, but your voice hardly came out. You were getting too upset over all of this and you weren't going to start crying because of a stupid disagreement, and a slight change in his mood. You were an adult and you'd navigate this like one. You were more mature than that.

The tram eased to a stop, and Hyunjin let you step off first, his hand hovering at your back for just a second. Immediately, you felt the wind on your skin, cutting through your tights, under your coat. The scent of seawater was unmistakable. You hadn't realised how far you'd traveled.

The sky had turned darker, heavy clouds gathering. 

In the distance, perched near the water, was the restaurant. Warm light spilled from its windows, glowing against the pebbled pathway leading up to it. You could tell why he made such a big deal of it. The restaurant seemed beautiful, and there was a standby line to get in. The Beacon, the sign read. You followed Hyunjin past the line, to the hostess desk. Hyunjin looked at you, his voice low, "Give me a second."

He stepped up to the hostess stand, leaning in slightly so she could hear him over the live music and the chatter. She flipped through her book, her finger tracing down the page before she shook her head. Of course. There was a line and you should’ve expected that. And suddenly all you could think about was how much this seemed to matter to him, how carefully he’d planned it. If they turned you away…he would be so upset. But he kept talking to her, and her expression shifted, she looked up at him and laughed. Then, they both turned to you, and she said, "You can follow me to your table."

She led you through the restaurant, until you were right by the window facing the water. Your gaze caught on something in the distance, just beyond the curve of the water.

A lighthouse. 

It looked abandoned.

It stood out, like a relic of a different time, amongst the landscape. “That's beautiful,” you murmured, glancing out toward the water. Hyunjin glanced at it absentmindedly, shrugging off his corduroy jacket, revealing his white-button up shirt. "Yeah."

"Oh, yes. That used to be in use like a hundred or so years ago. Our restaurant is named after that." The hostess smiled at you, as you sat down, taking your coat off. Hyunjin pushed his sleeves up to his arm, taking the seat across you. His gaze lingered on your dress, for a second too long. You looked around, it seemed so popular. You'd never been to a restaurant this nice. Nobody had ever taken you to a date like this before.

"Would you like to start off with some wine?" The hostess asked. Hyunjin nodded, "Definitely. Are you in the mood for red? I can pick one that I think you'd like."

"I trust you."

He gave you a small nod, continuing to read through the menu, "Perfect." 

The time to talk it out seemed to have come and gone, but you didn't want that to stop you. You hated the simmering tension, and you just wanted to resolve this. But perhaps the mature thing to do would be to act normal, and move on. It seemed like that's what he was doing. The hostess returned before you could find the courage to speak. 

You watched her for a second. The restaurant was packed, yet she kept circling back to your table like it was the only one that mattered. It definitely was because of Hyunjin. She leaned in slightly, curls bouncing as she smiled. “Have we decided?”

“Yes,” Hyunjin said, without hesitation. “Could we get the Château Margaux? That one’s not too bitter, right? I want something a little sweeter for her.”

The hostess’s smile widened as she looked at you, amused. “I think she’ll love it.”

"Thank you." Hyunjin smiled, and then she left you alone again. You smiled, hoping to make a joke, "Are we gonna keep getting interrupted like that the rest of the night, you think?"

Hyunjin's eyebrows shot up, "I…I guess so. Until we order."

"Right." You placed your hands in your lap, pulling at your dress, wondering how to get to it, "That lighthouse seems cool. I've never seen one this close."

Hyunjin’s expression softened almost immediately, something in his shoulders loosening. His lips parted, and he said, "Yeah." 

He looked at you, really looked at you, for the first time in a while, and he did look so attractive in this light. It was distracting. The glow from the candle over his face highlighted his cheekbones, his lips, his jaw. It flickered over his face in shadows, and his eyes peered into yours.

This was ridiculous. You weren't going to fight him. You said, "Hyunjin. About earlier…"

At the same time he said, "I'm sorry for what I said to you." But before he could continue, he was interrupted, “For the lovebirds!” The hostess’s voice cut through. She appeared at your side with a bottle of wine and two glasses, setting them down between you. She poured his glass, asking him, "Have you decided what you'd like to start with? I recommend the house special, but of course, anything on the menu you prefer."

He was still looking at you, lost in thought, so you spoke up, "Could we have a few minutes to decide? We haven't had a chance to look at the menu yet."

"Of course." She smiled, giving you space. You glanced at the menu, and it didn't even have the prices on it. You flipped over, and everything was in Dutch. You glanced up at him, and he was quietly reading the menu. He had been trying to apologize. You just wanted to talk it out with no interruptions and put this in the past.

Your phone buzzed, and you turned it over for a second. Yongbok had sent you a link.

he's one lucky son of a bitch

But you put your phone in your lap, your fingers moving before you could think too hard about it, opening the link. It was the actress's page. She had eleven million followers. How was that even possible? The number didn't feel real. You didn't even really have to scroll. Her last post was from the Fashion Week. Hyunjin was in it.

You barely noticed when the hostess came back to get your order, and she was only talking to Hyunjin, not to you. She was flirting with him clearly, but their conversation faded away.

You stared at the picture.

Of course, it was so normal. Yongbok made such a big deal out of everything. Hyunjin was smiling, like anybody does, with her at the bar. They were surrounded by a few other people. They all looked famous. His hand was around her waist, tight. 

You took a long sip of your wine, hoping it would relax you.

 "Y/N." Hyunjin called your name, "Is that okay with you, or did you want to order something else?"

God. Never mind. Yongbok was right. She was the most beautiful girl you'd seen. And from the comments, it seemed like eleven million other people thought the same.

He was having such a good time at the fashion week. Would he regret coming here to see you? You definitely couldn't compete with the things he must have done, the people he would have met, the sights he saw. Now he was stuck with you. Your grip tightened slightly around the stem of the glass. How could a setting this romantic suddenly feel so frustrating?

You needed air.

"Can you give me a minute? I just need to go to the…You can order for me." You stood up, the seat creaking as you did. Hyunjin looked up at you, brows furrowed, "Yeah. Sure."

You made your way through the restaurant, walking past all the happy couples and the crowd. It was really so beautifully lit and in any other circumstance, you would have appreciated it more. You needed air, and to calm down. After that, you'd go back to a dinner of what sounded like amazing food. 

A glass door led outdoors, and without thinking, you stepped through.

You rubbed your arms, goosebumps rising instantly, your dress no match for the wind. You wished you’d brought your coat. The view was beautiful, and you grounded yourself in its beauty. Your boots were digging into the mud, and that probably wasn't a good look for when you went back.

From here, the lighthouse was even closer. The door to it swung open with the wind, a loud creaking as it banged against the white brick. You stared at it, as it eerily stood out against the backdrop.

Fuck. You should be overjoyed.

Hyunjin, the love of your fucking life, had brought you out on a date to the best restaurant in the city. He certainly didn't have an obligation to. But the night was spiraling, or maybe it was just you. 

You stepped towards the water. The pebbles shifted beneath your feet, damp and uneven, and you barely thought about your boots sinking into them. They were already ruined. What did it matter now?

A low rumble of thunder rolled through the sky, and it made you flinch, your shoulders tensing. You glanced up at the sky, a droplet falling from the clouds, making its way down to you. You felt it on your forehead, and it trailed down your cheekbone, down your neck.

There had to be a reason your past relationships never lasted. Maybe this was it. Maybe you just… did this. Took something good and picked at it until it fell apart.

"Y/N?" Hyunjin's voice interrupted your reverie. 

Oh. 

He had followed you. Of course.

You turned as he approached, the wind tugging at his clothes, at his hair. “Hey…what’s wrong?” He asked, a little breathless. “They said you went to the restroom and I…” He swallowed, “I thought you left.”

Your chest twisted at that. You would never leave him like that. You would be insane to.

“Hyunjin.” You said, quieter now, “I told you. I just needed some air.”

You hadn’t realized how far you’d walked until now. The restaurant lights felt distant behind him.

"It's about to storm. You shouldn't be out here." He stepped closer. His hair had fallen out of place, pushed loose by the wind, strands brushing against his forehead. A flash of lightning followed and Hyunjin spoke, "Y/N. We should really— Fuck, what are you doing?"

You pushed open the door to the lighthouse and it creaked loudly as you stepped inside. You don't really know what you were doing. Escaping. Trying to talk about anything else. Distracting yourself. You gaped up at the structure. It surprised you, despite your sadness. The spiral staircase coiled upward endlessly, disappearing into the dark.

He stepped in behind you, and the door slammed shut behind him with a thud that echoed up through the tower. "We really shouldn't be here." He said, but his wonder escaped him and he too was looking around. 

Light bled through the boarded windows in thin strips, scattering across the floor. Your footsteps echoed when you moved, sharp against the stone floor. His next command was half-hearted like even he didn't believe it, "We should get back to dinner before the rain starts. I don't want to be stuck here."

"We're not gonna be stuck here, Hyunjin."

"I think the restaurant used to do tours here." He stated, "I remember seeing this when I was here with Changbin."

The air inside felt colder. It was a good distraction from your inner turmoil. You glanced back at him, "Really?"

"Hmm." He walked over to the staircase, running his hand over the metal railing, "The view up there was beautiful. I guess they don't do tours anymore. We're probably trespassing."

"Yeah, doesn't look like anybody's been here in a while." You said, hugging yourself and then glanced at him. Guess he was distracting himself too.

The distance between the two of you felt astronomical. 

It was rare for you two to be so far apart. 

You don't know what you were doing here. He was still upset. You still felt at fault. 

Hyunjin was so quiet, staring at you. He had been trying to apologize before he was interrupted, but he was silent now.

Maybe you'd just go back and get dinner and pretend nothing was wrong. You weren't in the mood for confrontation.

You swallowed, "You're right. We shouldn't be here."

Something in his gaze shifted. 

You glanced toward the tall windows. Rain. It had come down all at once, heavy and relentless, streaking the glass. The wind roared loud enough that you could hear it even through the walls, like the storm had wrapped itself around the tower.

"Well, shit." You mumbled, watching the downpour outside, "I take that back."

“We could make a run for it.” He said, still watching you.

You considered it for half a second. Another flash of lightning lit up the tower. It didn't feel like the best option. You looked up at the coiling staircase. 

“I’m going upstairs.” You didn’t wait for his reaction, your foot already on the first step.

“Y/N. What?” He moved quickly this time, closing the distance between you easily, his hand catching your arm before you could go any further. “You can’t do that.”

You looked back at where his fingers gripped your arm, "Why? You said the view was good. We're here, might as well, right?"

"It could be dangerous." He stated. You tipped your chin upward, trying to see where the staircase led, "I've never been inside a lighthouse before."

He tugged at your arm, "And maybe that's for a reason."

"If it was dangerous, they wouldn't leave the door open." You narrowed your eyes at him and eased out of his hold, taking another step up, then another, the metal stair groaning beneath your weight. "You can stay here."

"There's no way I'm letting you go by yourself." He said, and he was just as stubborn as you, so he followed you. Each stair creaked with your weight, and Hyunjin followed closely behind you, as you got closer to the top. The staircase got tighter the higher you went. You gripped the railing with one hand, the other holding the hem of your dress up to keep you from tripping. Maybe you should've worn something more practical. You just really wanted to see the view.

"This is stupid." He mumbled,  "We should get back to dinner."

"I didn't ask you to follow me., and we won't be gone long." You glanced back, and at the top step, your heel caught in the wooden board. You stumbled, losing your balance for a second. Before anything could happen, Hyunjin immediately grabbed you, hands coming around your waist. His eyes were wide. "Are you okay?" He asked, holding you to him.

Your eyes searched his, "Sorry. That must be…the wine."

"You're going to kill me." He swore under his breath. You tried to shake it off, feeling the dip in your stomach and said, "We're here."

You stepped out into the little room at the top. The lantern room. In the center of the room was the broken light, a wooden ledge around it and then the windows on all sides that looked out at the sea. The waves were so high. 

You were still feeling the adrenaline from your almost-fall so you steadied yourself against the railing. It took your breath away. "It's so beautiful." 

The intensity of the storm could be felt from up here, like you had almost climbed right into it, protected by only the glass of the lighthouse. It felt fragile. The wind roared against the glass, and if you stayed still enough, it would feel like you were swaying. You smiled, "That's gorgeous. I'm glad I saw this."

"Are you gonna tell me why we're here?" Hyunjin asked. You turned to face him, and your head was spinning less now, watching him against this backdrop. 

"The view isn't enough?" You asked him. He sighed, "You stepped away from dinner. Do you…not like the place?"

"That's the fanciest place I've ever been, Hyunjin. I like it a lot. Thanks for bringing me here. I was just feeling really overwhelmed." You crossed your arms, looking out at the view, and you had both been skirting around the topic this entire evening. 

You were wound up too tightly and if you were finally talking, you would talk about everything. This is the opportunity you'd been waiting for, and you weren't going to drag things on any further. You weren't too proud of yourself, and you could take accountability. You took a breath, turning to face him, "I ruined tonight, didn't I?"

Hyunjin's expression shifted so quick, like out of all the things in the world, he didn't expect you to say that. "What are you talking about? You didn't ruin anything."

"I didn't? But you're upset. Or mad at me. I don't know."

"Fuck." He ran a hand over his face, like replaying the night in his head, "You're right. I am upset, but I'm not mad at you, Y/N."

Your stomach sank, "I don't understand. Is there a difference?"

He looked at you like it was the craziest question to ask him, "Of course there is. I could never be mad at you.” He swallowed and paused. “That wouldn’t even be me. I'm sorry if I acted otherwise. There's just been a lot on my mind."

You stepped towards him, "Because of your manager? I'm sorry that happened." He was quiet at your words, like they upset him. It must have really been bothering him. You continued, "I..I wish I knew how to fix things, or had better advice to give but your world is so confusing to me, and I'm trying my best, I promise."

"Y/N…" He inhaled, running both hands over his face, "I really didn't want to be doing this right now."

Maybe he was right. This certainly wasn't the time and place to be doing this. The rain raged on in the background, and your table was waiting for you. Still, if you didn't talk now, you couldn't make it through an awkward dinner. This day was so special to you. You couldn't ruin that.

You shouldn't push, but you didn't want to hold things in, not with Hyunjin. He was the one person you could be honest with, and know that he would understand you. Your eyebrows shot up, "Then what do you suggest we do? If you have to leave, we don't have to be here. I don't want this dinner to feel like some kind of obligation like everything else in your life—"

He shook his head the more you talked, "You're missing the point, completely."

"And what is the point?" There was an edge in your voice that you wished you could take back but you had so much to say, "Because you're sitting there, ignoring me, pretending like everything is fine and I thought I could do that too but I can't. You weren't even looking at me on the tram, like I'm some stranger. I know your manager is freaking you out, but you can't take that out on me. I didn't even ask to be here! I would never want you to risk your job for me. I care about that more than anyone, you know that. I didn’t ask you to come here.”

"So you're saying I shouldn't have come?"

You immediately regret it, guilt flooding in like a massive headache, "That's…not what I'm saying. Why won't you just tell me what's wrong?"

"This isn't the time to have this conversation. We should go back. I already ordered us duck confit and more wine." He sighed.

You didn't want fucking duck confit. You needed to talk to him. The rain was about to let up. You felt panic in you. The storm had been the only thing keeping you in here, and you wished time would stop so you could resolve this. 

"I can’t.” You said, the words leaving you, “I can’t just go back to dinner and pretend everything’s fine.” You tried to steady your breath, “I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I understand that your manager's trying to get to you and I—"

"I don't give a fuck what my manager says, Y/N!"

You blinked. “What? But…you said—"

"That wasn’t true. I just said that because it was easier, fuck." He let out a short laugh, dragging a hand through his hair like even he couldn’t quite believe what he was admitting. “It sounds stupid,” He said, shaking his head. “That’s what I should be stressed about, right?”

You were confused, "But if that's not what you're upset about..."

His eyes found yours again, "That's what I should be stressed about. Yet all I can think about is the fact that you were in the museum with a stranger instead of me. I can't stop thinking about it since this morning, that if I'd got on an earlier flight, I could have been with you instead."

Your eyes widened, understanding sinking into you. 

"And if anything…" He continued, "I'm the one ruining tonight because I forget how to act when I'm around you. And I know what you're gonna say. That stranger, the one you met on a plane, is just that, a stranger. That he doesn't matter to you. I know he doesn't. But it kills me still." 

"Hyunjin…." You were taken aback at his outburst, at the passion with which he suddenly spoke. He was jealous about something that hadn't even occurred to you. It had been so insignificant. Only a coincidence that you'd met Jake in the Van Gogh museum.

He finally, finally admitted it. Out loud.

Another flash of lightning lit up the room, scattering over his face, and he moved away from the railing, towards you. 

Up close, you could see how this affected him. The faint flush climbing up his neck, across his cheeks, like he was embarrassed by the very thing he couldn’t stop saying. 

"And I'm having the most perfect day with you…" His voice got louder, restraint unraveling thread by thread, "And then— Felix! He…he's such a lovely person. He was so kind to me, but I can't help but hate him. I hate him because he's known you for every birthday, and I only have you for this one. I don't care that he's your best friend, I care that he had the guts to tell you his feelings before I can even wrap my head around them."

Your heart was going to beat out of its chest as you looked at him. You couldn't hold back, “That’s why you were upset?”

He stepped closer, and the space between you shifted, tightening as you circled each other in the narrow lighthouse.

"God, it sounds stupid saying it out loud. The thing I should be worried about, this job, my entire life, I couldn't care less about. But I feel like a fucking teenager, and I didn't want to talk about this because it's so…juvenile. I don't get jealous. It's easier to pretend my manager is the enemy. I like to think I'm more mature than that but thinking about you with anybody else, kills me. Thinking about someone else having your attention drives me insane."

Is he crazy? You want to tell him how nobody in this world could even stand a chance next to him. He's had your soul captured since the day you saw him. Nothing can even come close. But of course, you know exactly what he means, because you felt the same when you consumed all of the pictures of him at the fashion show.

"But I'm here with you, Hyunjin."

His voice softened, "I know, I know you are. And…this is everything I ever wanted. I wish I had a better handle on my emotions and I'm trying to work on it, you obviously do it much better than me."

You almost laughed, "No, I don't."

At those words, he stepped closer as if asking you to explain. It was hard to focus on what you wanted to say, when he looked like this. But all you could think about was how clueless he was. How did he still not realize what he meant to you? 

You tried to find the words for all the feelings you'd suppressed, "When you were at the show, I saw everything from it. I know I probably shouldn't have. That's always been a side I've kept separate from myself, from us. But I couldn't avoid you even if I wanted to. You were literally on the airport TV, and it made me realise how everybody knows you. Everybody loves you. Which is…so stupid because I've known that from the moment I met you."

His eyes widened, like he didn't expect that. 

And you weren't done talking, it felt good to finally say everything that was on your mind. You kept so much to yourself but Hyunjin should know, "You fit right into that world, and that world is so far away from who I am, but you're molded to it. You're built for it. And how could anything else compare to that high? And after meeting all of those people, like…like that actress, Naomi. Now you're here with just me. Do you not regret it? Leaving that behind? You could be doing something so much better than being here." 

Hyunjin's stance changed, "How…how do you know about her? Actually, that's not important. She asked me to get drinks with her, and I didn't really have a choice."

"But…everybody thinks you should be together."

"You can't let that get to you, Y/N. People are going to talk like that online. They make up a lot of stuff. That doesn't mean it's true."

"I know how the internet works, Hyunjin. I'm not stupid. I just don't like how that made me feel." You crossed your arms again, and confessing had made you feel slightly better.

His expression softened, and it's like relief had flooded him, "What did it make you feel?"

You felt embarrassed to admit any of this, and saying all of this out loud felt like mirroring what he'd just admitted. That none of this should matter but it did. There were bigger things to worry about, but you were hung up over these stupid, uncontrollable feelings. For a second, it felt almost unsettling.

As if your thoughts, your reactions, your instincts had been running parallel this whole time without either of you saying it. Were you only feeling this way, because he was? Or was he only feeling this way because you were? As if your souls were intertwined, and you felt everything he did. Except you just handled it ten times worse. 

God, he was just like you. It scared you so much. This wasn't normal, to be so attached to a person that you couldn't even control your own emotions.

You swallowed your words, "That doesn't even matter anymore. Let's just go back to dinner and get through this night."

Hyunjin watched you walk to the stairs, "Y/N. Wait—" He followed you, again, and his voice dropped, "Tell me how it made you feel."

You turned around, suddenly feeling so vulnerable, "Why? I'm embarrassed."

His voice was soft, "After everything I said? You shouldn't be. At least now it makes sense why I was feeling that way."

"It does?"

"I feel everything you feel." He took a step towards you, "And no, I don't regret coming here at all. If only you knew what I was thinking."

You looked up at him, heart shaking and no words came out. His eyes studied your face.

He stepped even closer, "All I could think about when I was there was you. I left everything to be closer to you. I'm sorry I was distant. I'm sorry I acted like an asshole. When I couldn't contact you at the show, I literally couldn't focus on anything. All I do, every waking moment, is think about you. It's annoying actually, how you can't stay out of my head."

Your back hit something cold and metal. You barely registered moving, only that you’d been guided, until you were pressed against the center of the room. The broken light stood behind you, its glass dull and scratched, as you instinctively leaned against it for balance. You felt unsteady on your feet.

You glanced up at him, watching the way he looked at you, and your voice came out so weak, "But you must have been having such a good time there."

"Yeah, it was great." He towered over you, pressing you into the ledge, and his voice was so soft, "But I don't care about the show. Or the people there. I don't want any of that."

"You don't…?"

Staring at him now, you'd give up your life for his happiness and this was just insane. It was so terrifying.

"Y/N..." He leaned in closer, "Can I tell you something? You're just gonna have to take my word for it, and trust me on that."

"Yeah?" You're holding your breath. 

He grabbed your hand, his fingers big over yours, curling over your palm, and his voice was so low, "And I know that you trust me. So trust me when I say this."

He tightened his grip on your hand, like he was grounding himself. For a second, it looked like he was going to say something — but nothing came out. His jaw clenched, eyes flicking away from yours, like he couldn’t hold your gaze.

“Fuck…” He exhaled under his breath, bracing himself, "You make me so fucking nervous. I feel like I'm going to die. I know this is probably going to shock you. And maybe I’m fucking overstepping."

Then he looked right at you, "But...I need to tell you. Even if you don't feel the same. I don't want to be anywhere but here, with you. "

"Hyun…" 

"All I want is to be yours." His gaze locked on yours, intense, “I am so in love with you, it kills me.”

The words hung between you, swallowed by the storm.

For a second, you didn’t understand what he’d said.

Your breath caught somewhere in your chest. You stared at him, searching his face, like maybe you’d misheard, like maybe the thunder had twisted it into something it wasn’t.

But he wasn’t looking away.

Your pulse stuttered, loud in your ears, drowning everything else out.

“Hyunjin…” Your voice came out thinner than you expected. “What? Are you serious?”

Hyunjin was staring at you, like it was inevitable, like he hadn't spoken something unbelievable. 

Your fingers tightened slightly in his without you realizing.

…He loved you?

There was no air in your lungs.

A sound left him, half laugh, half exhale, "Am I serious….? Fuck. Do you think I would lie about something like that?"

You stared up at him, and how he'd beat you to it, and the relief on his face was unmatched. "No... No, you wouldn't."

"Right." He said, and you felt electricity all the way down to your toes. He leaned in, and his face was inches from yours, "Is that crazy? Does it scare you… how I feel about you?”

Hyunjin loved you. The thought didn’t settle. It hit, and hit again, like your body didn’t know where to put it.

It didn't feel real. Of all the people in this world he could have met, he loved you.

"That doesn't scare me." You felt possessed by a strange bravery, "Because it’s the only thing in the world I know for certain. I've been in love with you ever since—”

He didn't let you finish.

His mouth crashed against yours, unrestrained, urgent like he couldn’t hold himself back a second longer.

His hands gripped your waist, fingers tightening around your dress as he pulled you closer, closer until you were lifted, sitting on the ledge. He'd never kissed you like this. Like something was breaking loose inside him.

He pulled back, lips wet, staring at you, "Fuck. You're serious." 

You nodded, out of breath, "I am."

His gaze was half-lidded, "Say it again."

You blinked up at him, and all of this newfound courage had replaced all your fear, "I've loved you for as long as I've known you. It's eaten me alive.

A beautiful smile came on his face, disbelief in his eyes, "That's not real."

You frowned, mirroring his earlier words, "Do you think I would lie about something like that?"

He laughed louder now, eyes crinkling in the way you loved, "Yeah?" He was holding you so close, but not close enough, "Why did you never tell me?"

You grabbed his hands where they rested on your waist, "I don't know... I'm not as brave as I think I am. I was afraid you wouldn't feel the same." 

His gaze softened, "You don't have to be brave with me."

"That's easy for you to say." You said. He tilt his head, hair falling into his eyes, "I almost told you so many times, but chickened out before I could. The way I feel about you terrified me. But now, it's like breathing."

"God. You are so fucking romantic, Hyunjin." 

You pulled his face down to yours, closing the distance between you. You kissed him with everything you had, hands slipping into his hair, tugging at it. He liked that, you felt it in the way his body shifted, the low sound that slipped from his throat.

You can't believe this is what your dinner had turned into. It was so ridiculous you couldn't help but laugh. He frowned, the scrunch in his eyebrows beautiful, hands moving up your body, "What?"

"Just that…they must be wondering where we are." You giggled, "The…people at the restaurant. The hostess who definitely had a crush on you."

"Ridiculous." He mumbled, head dipping into your neck. Your head fell back, eyes closed as he left open-mouthed kisses down your neck, "No. She really did. I don't know how you don't see it, you're the most attractive man on the planet."

His kisses led him to your mouth, "I only care if you think that."

"Well, then that should be easy." You laughed, staring at him, nonchalant. His hair fell into his face, soft waves grazing his cheekbones. His mouth had your lip gloss all over it, and you mumbled, "I'm obsessed with you."

He stood between your legs, your dress hiked up to your thighs and you're sure the position would rip your tights but you couldn't care. "You have no idea what that does to me, when you say stuff like that."

Your gaze fell to his jeans, where you could see how hard he was, "I think I have an idea." You kissed him again, feeling him up through his shirt, pushing your tongue in his mouth and it was like a burden had been lifted from your chest. The only way to celebrate was to make out with him until you couldn't breathe.

"Y/N... We have to go back to dinner." He glanced behind you, "It's stopped raining."

You looked out the tall windows of the lighthouse, "It has." Then back at him and you still couldn't believe it. He'd been your dream for so long. You kissed him again, softly, cherishing it.

"Baby." His voice was hoarse as he kissed you back, "You're going to get us in trouble."

"What kind of trouble?" Your hand drifted lower, nails grazing over his jeans, and his hands immediately stopped yours before you could continue. His gaze darkened, but the lust in his voice was unmistakable, "You know what kind."

Your core tightened impossibly and he wouldn't even have to touch you in this state for you to come. The way he stood, his crotch was pressing into yours, and he was so hard. Your dress was history, bunched up at your hips so the only thing between you and him was your sheer tights, your lace underwear, his jeans. Three layers too much. Torturous.

Even with three layers between you, you could feel him. You could feel the shape of his cock, pressing into your core as it got harder each second and you got wetter.

You leaned forward to kiss him, and you grind up against him clumsily. "Y/N..." He let out a whine, "Wait until we get home."

"I'm sorry." You mumbled, and you were. You truly were sorry that you were always rushed. That you wanted him badder than anything on this world. So much so that you didn't care about the dinner anymore. How could he restrain himself so well? Your fingers moved up to his collar, "I'll stop. I'm sorry."

Hyunjin's gaze was intense, "You and I both know that you won't stop. And you're not sorry."

And then he was kissing you again, giving into you, grinding into you the same way. His hands sank into your hair again, tilting your head back to kiss you at a deeper angle and you wanted him to fuck you the same way.

Your hands had a mind of their own and you unbuttoned his shirt, fingers messily taking each button out of its loop. Why were there so many? You pulled it apart, with much too much force and a button clattered across the floor. 

He kept kissing you, body moving of his own accord, crotch rutting against yours for any semblance of friction. You moaned loudly, when it hit you just the right way and you squeezed him between your legs even more.

"Wait." You whined, pulling back so your fingers could unzip his pants. Adrenaline guided you and your hand slipped inside his pants, wrapping around his bare cock. His moan matched yours, a low groan, "Shit."

You kissed his neck as you felt him, hand moving over his cock in the way that he'd so patiently taught you before. His hips bucked with every touch and clumsily, you pushed his jeans down, out of the way. Your mind was on overdrive. You let go so you could take your tights off, fingers reaching under your own dress. He realized what you were doing. His gaze was intense on yours and his voice shook as he said, "Baby, we can't here. You deserve better than that."

You knew that he would say that. You could have bet on it.

But you decided what you deserved and after all this time and all this pining, you think you did deserve this.

"But…I want you." You almost cried. You were dizzy from desire. You deserved him. You deserved to feel good and to make him feel good. 

He was trembling from being so close yet holding back. But still he kissed you, voice soft, "We can't here. You have to wait, my love."

Your voice was shaky, desperate, "All this time…I've waited."

His eyes widened, the emotion in him shifting as he registered your words. 

You had both waited forever. He knew you were right.

His fingers gripped you tightly as if what you said just woke him up. The question left his lips before he could even think about it, "What do you want me to do?"

"Just let me feel you. Only for a second. I just want you inside me." Your lip quivered from how bad you needed him. His gaze drifted over you, your parted lips, down to your chest and how fast you were breathing, your legs pushed apart

His hand reached into his pocket, but then his face fell.

"What?" Your voice was small, shifting closer. He suddenly sounded upset, "My wallet. I left it in my coat...at the table."

His wallet. It had the condoms.

"Oh."

He didn't have them. You would have to wait. You don't know how you'd be able to, not when your body was fighting to be with him. You would implode another second without.

You fixed the straps of your dress, pulling them back up onto your shoulder. Only a little embarrassed at the things you said. It was fine, it was fine, it was fine. A feeble attempt to bury your desire. Hyunjin watched you closely. The disappointment in your face, the furrow in your brows, your upturned lips.

If there was one thing Hyunjin hated more than anything, it was seeing you upset.

"But…" He said, and you looked up at him, curious.

If he could do anything to take your sadness away, he would sell his soul for it.

He swallowed like he was nervous about voicing his thoughts, gaze thick on yours, "But…if you still want me...you can have me."

Your core tightened at his suggestion.

He couldn't mean that. Raw.

Your heart sped up, and you were already dizzy from thinking about it. You'd dreamt about this for the better half of a year, and you'd talked about it to him in stolen kisses in photobooths. It had only been hypothetical then. It was real now.

You nodded, afraid that no words would escape you, but you managed to utter, "Yes, yes, I want you. I need you so bad—"

And it was all he needed to hear. He kissed you, pushing you back against the ledge, cradling your head in his hands with an unbearable gentleness despite the animalistic way his hips rut against yours. You kissed him back, pushing your tongue in his mouth. He tasted so fucking good. You were addicte.

His fingers crawled up under your dress, and now that he had your permission, his restraint was lost. With one hand, he ripped your tights apart. The rip was loud and easy. His urgency sent a shockwave of pleasure through you, and you let out a loud moan. 

With your tights out of the way, he had you just how he wanted. His fingers pushed aside your lace underwear, and you couldn't help but watch. His fingertips brushed against you, and you were already so turned on. He could feel it. Your head was spinning and you thought you'd pass out.

He looked back up at you, to make sure you still wanted this as he moved closer, lining up his cock with you. Making sure you were ready, his eyes flickered over yours. You don't know what he saw. The lust, the impatience, all the years of waiting for him. 

"Baby?" He asked.

It wasn't even a question.

"Yes."

And you both watched as he disappeared inside you. It was like gravity, him sinking into you. It was inevitable, like fate. Slowly, he pushed into you. His grip on you tightened, "Fuck. Oh my god."

"Y/N…" His chest rose and fell once, deep and shaky, like he’d been underwater his entire life and just come up for air. 

It had been a long time since you'd done this with anyone. It had never felt this good. You tried to focus on the things you'd want to remember, every twitch on his face, and lift of his lips as he pushed himself deeper inside you. He was trying to do the same, watching your face, but getting distracted by how your body took him.

"Fuckkk." He mumbled, struggling to be coherent, and each word was desperate, "You feel…perfect."

You clenched around him, you weren't trying to, but his words were getting to you. You could feel your heartbeat in your ears, and your entire being felt on fire, and it felt like finally coming home. He was bigger than you'd ever had. Your body was literally molding to him, to fit him, and you wish it would remember this forever.

He hadn't even moved yet. He was still adjusting, pushing in deeper inside you. He held on tightly to your waist, fingers gripping the fabric of your dress. The other hand rested on your jaw so he could cradle your face because he was so sweet. He was so gentle even when his cock was buried in you.

It was so much to handle. You could cry from how good it felt to feel him. You could cry because this is how things should always have been, from the day you met, and this was only a natural state of being for the two of you. His voice was sweet like candy, "You're doing so good."

It was only supposed to be for a second, but you were both liars.

This is how it felt to be complete. He squeezed your waist, "Baby. I'm gonna move, okay?"

"Yes, please god move." Your hands settled around his neck, so you could anchor yourself to him. His lip turned up into a smile, "So polite." He slowly pulled out. The movement drew in a sharp breath from the both of you. The feeling of him dragging across your walls so sweet, so slow. 

 "Oh." You mumbled. You’d imagined this so many times, but nothing could have prepared you. There was something instinctive in the way he held you, like his body had memorized this before it even happened.

Your head fell onto his shoulder, unable to take how good it felt. So perfect. So big. He let you dig your nails into his neck, letting you use him as your anchor. He kissed you messily and he slid in so easily, "Shit. You're so tight, you're squeezing me.

You were already falling apart. You weren't sure how you'd survive much more of this. He looked at you like he was memorizing your face in this moment, "You okay, baby?"

It was terrifying how much you felt, how quickly it consumed your whole being. How quickly Hyunjin had taken over your entire life. It was still not close enough, you wanted to crawl inside his skin and breathe his breath and feel his heartbeat like your own. 

You nodded, squeezing your eyes shut as he moved again, and he was much stronger this time as he pushed into you. The force of his thrust shifted you against the ledge. You squeezed his shoulder blades and mumbled, "You feel so good in me. You're so big."

"Yeah?" His voice got lower, cock twitching at the compliment, "I've wanted you for so long."

Your eyes locked with his, "Really?"

His eyebrows shot up in the hottest way, "Really." Then he moved again, deeper than he had before, and you couldn't control the moan that escaped you. His fingers moved down your jaw, fiddling with the straps of your dress, "And you are so beautiful."

"Hyun—" You mumbled, tightening your arms around his neck, as he set a pace that would kill both of you. The ledge you were on wasn't made for passionate lovemaking so it shook with every thrust and you trust that Hyunjin could break it with his intensity. You tugged at his hair too harsh, and he whined desperately, "Kiss me, please."

So you did. You kissed him as he fucked you like no one else had before. You tugged at his lower lip. He let out a whine as you bit it, pulling at it. Something deep had been unleashed from within you.

You tightened your legs around him, and you were both a mess of half-removed clothes and passion. He mumbled, grinding into you, "You know that when we get back, I'm going to… fuck, I'm going to fuck you for real."

"Yeah." You nodded, kissing him in little pecks, "But I wanted you now."

"I know." He laughed, breathless, "And I'm always going to give you what you want." Another thrust. "Always."

He was faster now, rutting into you and you'd never been this turned on in your life. You clenched around him, squeezing him so tight as he buried himself to the hilt. His kisses were so sweet but he fucked like a man denied of all of his life's pleasures until this very moment. He pushed your dress back up to your hips. Your core tightened, an intense feeling deep in your body. He whispered, "I'm sorry, I'm not gonna last long, baby."

Each word was music to your ears, and the sound of him thrusting into you, it was like heaven. You kept his face close to yours, noses bumping every so often and you'd given up on trying to kiss him because you couldn't even think. His hair fell into his eyes messily, and his lips were parted as he concentrated only making you feel good, pounding into you. You were barely holding on, "I'm...I'm so close too."

He didn't break eye contact for a second as he fucked you even harder. Half-lidded eyes on yours, moans leaving his lips in desperation. It was all you needed to push you over the edge. 

You wanted to scream at how good it felt. Sex had never been this intense to you, orgasms had never been this explosive. Your eyes squeezed shut, legs locking around him as desire flooded you. He swallowed every moan, his tongue exploring your mouth like it was its home. "Hyun." You cried, "Don't stop."

And it only motivated him, so focused, so intense. "I won't." He promised, kissing you again, "God, I'm so in love with you."

You couldn't breathe. Nothing in your life could compare to this feeling. His hips moved against you in a way that was innate. You stifled your moans at your lasting desire, burying your head into his neck, and he held onto you tightly as he slowed his pace, "Baby."

Your hands settled on his cheeks, "I love you, Hyun. Come inside me, please, please, please."

It was as if your words were tied straight to his heart, to his arousal. His face twisted into pure pleasure as he came inside you, a low moan escaping his swollen lips. You watched the intricacies of his expression, the hoarseness of his moans, the desperation as he still thrust into you, filling you up. You gripped onto him tightly, until he was done and you could paint a picture of his gorgeous face. 

He was so beautiful like this. A sheen of sweat down his neck, down his body. You felt reborn. Even as he finished, it wasn't enough. You wanted more of him already. 

You were sensitive as he stayed in you a moment longer, cherishing you. You caressed his cheek, and he was standing unsteady, looking at you. He didn’t say anything right away, like words would fall short. Like you couldn't believe what just happened. You stared at each other. How had you known life before him? You couldn't imagine a life without him.

"Fuck." He spoke first, cheeks flushed, catching his breath. You kissed him, before he could say anything else. He gave into it, kissing you back, soft. You stayed there, like the moment would disappear if you let go of each other.

Hyunjin dropped his head on your shoulder, "Baby..."

The realization of where you were sank into you at the same time. The dinner. The restaurant. They must have noticed you were gone.

"We have to go, don't we?" You asked him, and your voice was beat. He smiled, and the drops of sweat dripped down his neck, "Yes. We…we have to get back. But only if you want to. If you don't want to eat here, I can take you somewhere else, or I could take you home. Whatever you want." He was still inside you as he spoke so kindly.

It was tempting. How could you possibly go back to a state when he wasn't in you? But you laughed, "What about the duck confit?"

Hyunjin laughed too, his shoulders shaking, and his whole body was relaxed and tense at the same time, "Yeah. The duck confit...was number one in the city."

"Let's go." You decided, hand resting on his cheek, and your eyes fell to where your bodies met, "Will you be okay?"

He nodded, "I…just need a second."

He had to pull out now, and you weren't looking forward to that but he slowly did. Even that felt so good, you had to bite your knuckle to not moan obscenely. It was going to be difficult to go out there like nothing had happened, and not act like a feral animal in the way you craved him. 

In the dim light of the lighthouse, you watched him as he buckled up his pants again, and it must be difficult with how hard he still was. You don't know how he'd possibly make it through the rest of the dinner. But there was no time to worry about that. You adjusted your underwear, and pulled your dress back down. Your tights had been torn so you decided to take them off.

He looked at you as you did that, a quiet longing in his gaze. He buttoned his shirt up, and one button was missing, and he said, with no disdain but only amusement in his voice, "You ripped my shirt apart, Y/N."

"I'm sorry." You realized, "I'll fix it later."

"Come on." He helped you off the ledge, back onto your feet. He gripped your arms for balance and said, "You feel okay?" "Yeah. Do I look fine?" He tucked your hair behind your ear, thumb wiping off your smudged lip gloss, "You look perfect."

What you wanted to ask him was if it would be obvious to everyone how your boyfriend had fucked you in the lighthouse. But you bit your lip, smiling at his compliment. Despite what just happened, you felt a flush taking over you, nervous in his presence. Now that you knew what he looked like in his most vulnerable, you couldn't stop imagining it every time you looked at him. He led you back downstairs, hand in yours, and you felt so special.

Back at the restaurant, the hostess was happy to have you back, and she believed Hyunjin when he told her that you were caught in the storm, taking refuge in the lighthouse. Your flushed faces, and wet clothes certainly lent to that narrative.

Your dinner was still warm, and as amazing as he described it. Maybe you hadn't been gone that long, but it felt like a lifetime had passed between who you were before and after the lighthouse.

He sat across from you, and every time his leg brushed against yours under the table, you felt it to your core. Yeah, the dinner was good, but you couldn't really focus on the food, not when he was there. Still, because you were a good girlfriend, you drank the wine he got you, and you enjoyed the duck but mostly you enjoyed how your lover looked, sitting across from you.

»»————-

"Be careful, I don't want you to lose your shoes." 

Your legs dangled off the side of the canal, and you were staring at the water below, your boots hovering over the surface. You giggled, "I'll be careful."

"If you drop them, I'll have to jump in after them and I'd really prefer not to swim in this jacket. I just bought it, and it's very, very special."

"Then maybe you should take all your clothes off." You said. He laughed, "You had three glasses of wine and you're already tipsy."

"I'm just happy.” You sighed. You looked at him. He was sitting with one leg crossed, his jacket still on him, face tilted at you in the moonlight. 

You glanced at the passing boats. You'd dreamed about things like this forever. What happened in the lighthouse was explosive and intense, but even just sitting here with him, your body was burning.

You glanced at him, suddenly feeling honest, "I always wondered why none of my relationships worked out. It's so obvious now." Maybe he was right and you were wine-drunk. He looked at you, surprised at the topic, "Why?"

"Because they weren't you. No one has ever treated me like you have."

His eyes lit up, "What did I do?"

You laughed, pulling one knee up to rest your chin on it, "You're just you. So kind.”

You stared at each other, for a few moments. The moonlight struck his cheekbones wonderfully. The humidity had curled his hair. His lips were still red from when you'd kissed him. Then you reached over in the space between you, grabbing his hand over the cobblestones. You squeezed it in yours, and he returned the gesture, a light smile on his face.

Did he feel the same things you did? Did he notice the same details? Did he memorize the same moments? Maybe now that you'd confessed your true feelings to him, you could just ask him.

"What are you thinking?" Your voice came out low, unsure. Despite the events of earlier, reassurance helped you, and you wanted that from him. His eyebrows lifted, just slightly, and then he swallowed, "Thinking about what you said. Not sure if you wanna hear that."

"I'm listening."

He took in a breath, thumb playing with your hand, "I'm thinking about…how happy I am that all of your other relationships didn't work out. Which is so wrong because…you had your heart broken by so many guys, but I'm thankful to them because it was only then that I could meet you."

Your heart beat erratically at his words, and from where your hand met his, you could feel his pulse race too. He licked his lips, continuing, "In fact, it's so wrong of me but I think that even if you were in a serious, happy relationship when I met you, I would have hoped everyday that it didn't work out for you. So that I could have you. Isn't that…evil?"

"It's not evil. It's honest." You sat up straighter. He nodded, "Maybe honesty isn't always the best thing. Doesn't it make me a bad person to wish that on you?"

"I mean, it's all hypothetical, Hyunjin. It doesn't matter. I wasn't in a relationship when we met. I probably would've been the same if the roles were reversed."

"But you were so supportive…of me and Hana. She told me about how much you helped her, how you even suggested date ideas to her. I don't think I could ever have done that for you, if the situation was reversed. I would have probably lost my mind and confessed my feelings to you even if you had a boyfriend. But you were such a good friend to her."

You recalled the early weeks when Hana and Hyunjin had been a thing. It had tortured you, every second that you saw them together, but he was right, you had supported them. If they had continued to be together and fallen in love, you would have still supported them your entire life, because Hana was your best friend.

You thought over his words, tracing a heart into the cobblestones by the canal, "I…guess you're right. But all that says about me is that I'm willing to give up my happiness. It just makes me weak. But it seems like you would fight for it. I like that about you."

Hyunjin's brows furrowed, "Nothing about that makes you weak."

"I guess." You shrugged, "I probably should have fought harder for you. I knew she wasn't…right for you. And selfishly, I liked you a lot then."

"Yeah?" He moved closer to you. You nodded, looking at him, "Yeah. When you showed up to the double date at the bowling alley, I thought you were my date. I hoped for it."

He watched you closely, drawing patterns on your skin, "But you were still respectful to your friends. For a minute there, I thought you disliked me. I was so… fascinated."

You looked at him, remembering the early days and how stressful and crazy they had been. "I kinda miss when we were all together in Daejon, even though my friend group kind of turned into a shit show."

"Yeah." He sighed, "But you're on better terms with them now, right?"

"I don't think Hana will ever forgive me…but yeah, the others have."

"I'm sorry. I never wanted to come between you and your friends."

You grabbed his cheek, pulling him closer, "Don't be. I love my friends, they were my entire life, but I'd go through all of that again a million times over just to meet you."

There was an intense look in his eyes, guilt behind them, "I'm really sorry about what I did to you. I never should have changed my number when I moved away. I…I'm so sorry, Y/N."

"Hyunjin." You moved closer to him, kissing him, "I already forgave you for that."

"But I didn't. I was so stupid, and I was only thinking about myself, about what was easier for me. I can't imagine what you must have felt." He said. You kissed him again, "It's okay. We're here together now. That's what matters."

You could feel his smile through the kiss, and your heart kicked in your chest. He pulled back, "So, did you wanna get drunk with me tonight?"

You laughed, "What did you have in mind?"

"There's…a really nice speakeasy not too far from here. I think you'll like it. Have you ever been to one?" He asked. You shook your head.

"Come on." He tugged at your hand, helping you stand. It was getting late, and Hyunjin led you through the streets of the city. The entire way there, he made you laugh and you were so obnoxiously loud. Maybe everybody here could tell how in love you were, and that was okay. You'd never had that. 

The speakeasy looked unassuming, just a hole in the wall next to a big residential building. Easy to miss if you weren’t looking for it. But the line spilling out onto the sidewalk said otherwise. You stood in it, leaning back against the cool brick wall, your fingers laced with Hyunjin’s. “This place was recommended to me by everyone at the show,” He said, glancing toward the door. “Apparently the cocktails are insane.”

“It already looks cool,” You said, scanning the people around you. Couples pressed close together, and groups of friends. You hesitated, glancing down at your hands. “Are you sure it’s okay for me to hold your hand?”

Hyunjin squeezed your fingers lightly. “No one’s paying attention. Don’t worry about it.”

You smiled, "If only they were like that everywhere."

Soon enough, it was your turn at the door and the bouncer asked for a secret code. Hyunjin told him, and he let you in. You laughed under your breath as you slipped inside. "How'd you know that?"

"One of the girls at the show told me." He said, pulling you through the dimly lit hallway. Your eyebrows shot up. “What girls?”

He glanced back at you, amused. “One of the models. She said she comes here all the time with her friends. You can’t get in unless someone tells you the password.”

"Wow. That's nice of her." You said. Hyunjin laughed, "Yeah. That's the kind of shit we talk about when we're waiting for the show to start."

There was another bouncer, and he asked for your phones so he could put a sticker over the cameras. He smiled, "Have a great night, you two."

You stepped through a red lace curtain, revealing the speakeasy. The space opened up in warm, low light. A glowing bar stretched across the room. You followed Hyunjin to the bar, reading all the neon signs about sex. "Wow."

On a small stage, a musician played while dancers moved around him, the glitter on their skin glowing under the neon lights. Hyunjin helped you onto the bar stool, his hands steady at your waist as he lifted you up, "Yeah. I think we're in the Red Light district."

"That makes sense." You laughed, settling into your seat as he stood by you. You waited for your drinks, taking everything in. Even the bartender looked like a freaking model. The musician on stage was performing stripped-down versions of pop songs. You found yourself completely drawn in, barely noticing when Hyunjin slid your Mezcal toward you. It was only when the musician paused that you turned to Hyunjin, a soft smile already forming about how good it was.

In the red lighting of the speakeasy, he really looked so good. It wrapped around him, the sharp features of his face, the piercings in his ear. You licked the salt off your drink, and his gaze stayed on your mouth a little too long. You sighed, "I never want to wake up from this dream. I wish we could do this back home."

Your legs brushed against his, then stayed there, tangled without either of you pulling away. He smiled, jokingly, "If we put on really good disguises, we can."

"God. You'd have to invest in a really good fucking disguise then."

"Maybe I could shave all of my hair off."

Your eyebrows shot up, "Really?" Then your hands slipped into his hair, "Are you thinking of changing it?"

"I don't know. Maybe for our next album. But I like having it long."

You laughed, tugging at it to demonstrate, "Oh. I enjoy that too." He leaned in close, and his hand slid up your thigh, "I know you do."

"Mmh." You mumbled, suddenly nervous at how close he was to you. Even though not even a few hours ago, he'd had you on the counter, putty in his arms. But now, in the dark lighting of the bar, he looked so different from the softness of the lighthouse. Intimidating. He'd pulled his hair back, tying it up, showing off his cheekbones. You stared at each other, and surely everyone else could tell how badly you wanted to rip his clothes off. His eyebrows shot up, "Stop looking at me like that."

"I didn't do anything." You feigned innocence. He leaned in, so he could whisper in your ear, "We're forty five minutes away from the apartment, so you can't do that to me."

Your heart pound faster, and you were getting riled up from just his words. The music was so loud, it was in your veins. It was so dark, light flashing over your skin.

"You guys here on vacation?" Someone asked. You turned, slightly dazed, to find a couple seated beside you. But Hyunjin didn’t look away. He was still watching you, as if tempting you to kiss him.

“Um… yeah.” You said. Before you could say anything else, Hyunjin's lips brushed your cheek, slow. The man raised his drink toward you. “Ditto! I’m Theo, this is Emily.”

“Right.” You nodded, trying to focus, though Hyunjin hadn’t pulled away. His mouth hovered near your skin, like he couldn’t quite let go. You shot a smile at the couple, trying to ignore how turned on you were from his little touches and kisses, “Nice to meet you. Where are you guys from?”

You don't know what came over him. He couldn't let go of you for a second. You loved it so much. You used to only think this stuff was possible in movies, about someone who loved and wanted you this much. The woman, Emily said, "London. What about y'all?" 

You answered them, and Hyunjin finally, reluctantly pulled away, paying attention to them, saving you from the conversation. They told you all about their vacation, and all of the places you just had to go. They were easy to talk to, and funny. At some point, Hyunjin bought them a round of drinks over stories of how you met. Hyunjin was careful in the details he disclosed, and you enjoyed watching him talk. He was so hot, and so funny. He was usually so introverted, it was fun to see him side of him. And then the musician came back for his second set and you drifted closer together, watching him. 

You hadn't realized how long you were there, until the speakeasy turned into a danceclub. The bass was loud, pounding through your body, and the last round of shots had probably been one too much. Still, this was the greatest night of your life so you weren't complaining. Emily jumped off her seat, pulling Theo towards the dance floor, "You guys wanna dance?"

Your eyes met Hyunjin's, and he read your mind. He leaned in, mumbling against your ear and his teeth grazed your skin, "You want me to take you home, right?"

"Yes, please." You squeaked. His hand laced through yours as he said to them, "I'm sorry, I don't think we're staying long."

You bid a quick farewell to your new friends as Hyunjin pulled you through the growing crowd of people. He led you through the red lacy curtains, and you had barely made it halfway through the neon-lit hallway when he pushed you against the wall, kissing you. Hard. Like he’d been holding back all this time. You stumbled back from the force, leg catching on the carpet but Hyunjin held you up. You kissed him, staring up at him, "What should we do now?"

"I'll do whatever you want to." He said.  "I…really want ice cream." You blurted. His smile grew, like it wasn't the stupidest demand ever, "Okay, let's get you some."

It was late so you don't even know what would be open. But Hyunjin was magical, and somehow found you a gelato store, a few streets over from the speakeasy. It was by an alley, and you waited outside, leaning against the wall to catch your breath. The shop was small and cute, a blinking ice cream sign in the window. You were the only people here. Hyunjin brought you a cone, "You good?"

"Mmh." You smiled, "Just…a little lightheaded."

His hand settled on your waist, extending the cone to you, "Try this."

The mint chocolate ice cream looked so good. You leaned forward, licking some off the top. You knew that the cone was his favorite part, but he was giving it to you so easily. Hyunjin watched you closely, a tender look on his face, "You like it?"

"Mmh." You nodded, licking it off your lips, "Yum." He laughed, "Yum."

"That couple was fun, right?" He mumbled, enjoying the treat. You nodded, "Yeah, they were. I don't really remember half the things they said though."

"Why?" He laughed, handing it to you. You sighed, licking some off the top, "I was watching you the entire time."

His head tilt, "Yeah? You do that a lot."

You laughed, holding your hands up, "I mean, everybody in the world loves watching you. So, I'm guilty. Sorry."

His smile grew, and he handed you the cone so you could finish it, "I like watching you too." 

The expression on his face dropped, and you watched it closely, knowing what it meant. Your arms wrapped around his neck, "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Yes." He leaned in, gaze so intense. You smiled as you confessed, "I'm really tipsy."

He laughed, hands moving down your body, "I know. Me too. We should…go home."

"That seems impossible." You said, and then he had you pushed up against the alley wall, mouth locked to yours, tongue in your mouth. You would have made out there all night, giddy from how bad he wanted you, until you felt a raindrop on your head and pulled back, "Did you feel that?"

Hyunjin's eyes were still closed, chasing your mouth, "Feel what?"

"Hyun. Wait." You laughed, looking up at the sky, "I don't get it. It literally just rained earlier!"

"Well, maybe it hasn't had enough of you." He chased your mouth for another kiss, hand drifting down your body, touching you through your coat, "Maybe it misses your body, and misses how it felt on your skin, and craves to be dripping down you again."

His desperation and low voice shot a pulse right through your core, but you felt another drop on your arm and then another and it was drizzling, "Hyunjin…"

"Fuck it. We'll get a taxi home." He said, texting a number on his phone. He then let go of you, and you immediately missed the warmth of his body but he was taking off his jacket, leaving him in just his shirt.

"What are you doing? You're going to get sick." You realized. Your protests were for nothing because he held his very new, very expensive jacket over your head to protect you from the drizzle. But he did it all so he could keep kissing you. His white shirt was getting soaked, his hair, all of him, and you stood under the jacket, kissing him.

You were sheltered from the rain, even though it didn't matter if you got wet, and he probably held it up for ten whole minutes. Until a taxi stopped right next to you. You pulled back, watching the water kiss his face as it gave into gravity, making its way through the crevices of his skin. Was it possible to be jealous of water? 

The driver was an older man who smiled at you, and as soon as you were inside the car, Hyunjin mumbled something to him, handing him a note. You don't know what he said.

"What was that about?" You asked, curious. He looked back at you, voice dropping, "Come here."

And then in half a second, he was kissing you again. Instantly, you kissed him back. You didn't even have to think about it. Your hands went into his wet hair, tugging at it, and he pulled you closer. You didn't expect to spend the ride making out, but Hyunjin seemed to have trouble pulling away from you. He pulled your thigh onto his leg, tugging at it so he could slot himself closer to you.

"Hyun." You giggled, leaning back, "Are you sure it's okay?"

His eyes were full of adoration, "Yes." And he chased your lips, pushing his tongue in your mouth. Hyunjin, usually so quite and so innocent and so classy, was driving himself crazy to kiss you and you didn't know how to handle it. 

You untucked his shirt. It was hard to see what you were doing but you just wanted to feel his bare skin, so you pushed your hands under his button-up. The wet shirt stuck to him like a second skin. He shivered with how cold your hands were, but didn't stop you. You felt up his muscles, his toned stomach, the piercing he still had for the sole purpose of driving you mad.

"We're here." The driver cleared his throat, and it wasn't his voice but the movement of the car that made you stop. You pulled apart, breathing heavy and your cheeks flushed. Hyunjin looked at you for a second, and then to the taxi driver, "Oh, thank you."

The driver then looked to you, "Have a good night, you two."

Hyunjin helped you out of the car, and you stumbled onto the curb with him, laughing, "Did you pay him extra so he'd let us make out?"

"Just for his discretion."

"That's so hot." You groaned, taking shelter under a bus stop. Your apartment was an alley over, and you'd have to run through the rain to get to it, and you looked at him, "Race you back?"

"Yeah? And what do I get when I win?"

"You'll find out." You smiled, grabbing your dress in your hands.

And before Hyunjin could answer, you took off, running under the rain. The downpour was loud against the cobblestones, and you held your dress up, trying to get to the safety of your apartment as soon as you could. It was hard to run in your boots over the uneven streets but you were drunk off him and all of the adrenaline coursed through you. You heard Hyunjin laugh, running after you, "You're gonna hurt yourself!" The apartment was right in front of you, and you almost made it. Even though you had a head start, he caught up to you, grabbing you right before you could make it inside.

He pulled you by his hands on your waist, and you screamed laughing. "You cheated!" He exclaimed. You laughed, looking up at him. You were both completely drenched from the rain and you couldn't find it in yourself to care. So much for seeking refuge in the lighthouse earlier. He tucked your hair back, amused, "You are so wet."

"I look like a mess." You laughed, shouting to be heard over the rain. The streetlight reflected off the rain in refractions and it looked beautiful against his skin. He mumbled, "You look perfect."

You stared at him, and you were both quiet for a moment. The moon was gorgeous tonight but you couldn't find it in you to look. Not when the most beautiful thing in the world was right in front of you. His lips tugged up into a smile, making you nervous, and you asked, "What?"

"I won."

That was all he said before your back hit the wooden door from the force of his kiss. 

Your hands settled at the nape of his neck, brushing through his wet hair, and he let out a soft groan, separating his mouth from yours, “Inside.”

“Keys. In my jacket.” You mumbled. His hands slid inside your coat, but instead of grabbing the keys, he squeezed your tits through your dress. You let out a light moan, “Babe.”

Then his hands found the set of keys, and he was barely looking as he inserted them in the door. Touching him and being so close to him was like breathing. Each time you pulled apart from each other made you breathless. You heard a click, and Hyunjin pushed the door open. You didn’t know how you made your way up the flight of stairs. 

"Keys, again." You mumbled, and Hyunjin let out a groan, unlocking the door with mild effort. Then you were finally inside your apartment. Once in, he stared at you, hands on your waist, "Didn't think I'd be able to make it home."

You smiled, tugging at his shirt, "We did it."

"Are you cold?" His eyes gazed your body and you were soaked through your clothes. You pulled him closer by his belt buckle, "No, I'm perfect."

In the moonlight, standing in the apartment he'd found for you, you felt crazed. You kissed him, slowly, sweetly. He separated from you for only a second, to take off his jacket. Then, you unbuttoned his shirt, less patient than him, tugging each button out as quick as you could.

You stared at him in the moonlight, feeling dizzy all over again, the water droplets on his chest, his abs. You spoke quietly, fingers grazing over his chest, "You're so handsome. Fuck."

He laughed, a flush rising up his neck and then helped you out of your coat, and then out of your dress. He got more impatient the longer it took, and then you stood in just your underwear, looking up at him. He didn't even give you a second to feel shy. His eyes fell to you, "Don't know how I held back from you all this time."

His hands wrapped around your thighs, picking you up so he could sit on the edge of the bed, with you in his lap. He was kissing you gently, hands pushing your hair back as it stuck to your skin. Your bodies were still wet, water dripping down you, and you could feel him getting harder through your underwear. 

You deepened the kiss, your tongue finding his and you could have spent your lifetime like this. He tasted sweet, and for a moment, it was gentle. It was soft. It was almost innocent. He whispered, "I could kiss you forever."

And then, you shifted your hips over his bulge and it changed. It was all impatient now. His grip on you tightened, and your kisses were harsher, rougher. You pulled back to breathe, and Hyunjin's gaze was fixated on the way your chest moved, breathing heavy. You tugged out the hairtie from his hair, letting his hair fall and frame his face, "Want you."

He turned you around, so he could be on top. Your legs wrapped around him as the weight of his body pressed you into the soft mattress. You grazed your nails over the muscles in his arms, studying his body. There were so many freckles on his skin, and you ran your hand over them gently. Hyunjin watched you, quietly, letting you explore his body. Your hands trailed over his abs, stopping at the band of his boxers. Calvin Klein. Then, you grabbed his hands, staring at the way your hands intertwined. He was so calm, and he was so turned on as you touched him. Silently, you guide his hands to your underwear. His lips pulled up into a smile, "You want my fingers?"

You looked up at him. His hair fell into his face, silver chain around his neck hanging. You caught the skylight above him, the stars, and the night sky. He sat up, and you wanted to whine at the loss of body heat but he just took his rings off, putting them on the side table. Then, he was back on you, kissing you, hand running down your body as he felt you up.

You tried to control your moans but you couldn't, not when he slid your panties to the side, slowly pushing a finger in. You squeezed your eyes shut, head thrown back on the pillow as he lazily fingered you. "Look at me please, baby. I wanna see what I do to you." He kissed the side of your mouth, and you did your best to keep your eyes open, watching him.

He kissed you for what felt like hours, as his fingers pumped into you. He started with just one, and then worked his way up to three. You were so light-headed, and he was edging you. You tugged at his boxers, whining. He chuckled at your silent desperation. “You want me to take them off?” You nodded, chest rising fast, tugging at the silver chain around his neck to pull him closer, "Yes. Please."

His lips tugged into a carnal smile, so pleased with his effect on you. “Are you sure?”

“Please.”

“Is that all you can say?” He mumbled. You frowned, and he laughed, “I’m sorry. You’re just really adorable right now.”

He kissed you again as he tugged his boxers off, and he grabbed your thigh, pulling it up around his leg, "What do you want, baby?" 

You were so past resisting your insanity for him. You looked up at him, "I want you to fuck me like you always said you would. "

A crazy temptation swirled in his expression. Lips puffy and swollen, eyes half-lidded, he held on tightly to your thigh, pushing your legs further apart. He swallowed your moan when he pushed into you, deep.

He struggled to speak or say much of anything. It seemed like all of his earlier confidence had disappeared into a strange yearning. He pulled out only a bit before pushing back in, and you were floating. He wasn't kissing you anymore. You just stared at each other. His eyes were almost black, pupils dilated. He set a torturously slow pace, hips rolling slowly, enjoying the way you wrapped around him. His gaze was intense, eyebrows furrowed and lip trembling. 

You reached up to cradle his jaw, whispering, "You're doing so good, Hyun." His face relaxed and he pushed in deeper. He fucked just like he danced. Just like he painted. Like he did much of anything in his life. With grace. With perfection and precision. So much feeling. No room for error. 

"I'm so in love with you. It drives me mad." He mumbled, thrusts timed to your breathing, holding your waist. You struggled to speak, you'd never taken someone this deep before, but you spoke in pauses, "You drive me crazy too. You're so good at this."

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Am I making you feel good?” His voice shook, almost like he was emotional. You didn't blame him. You wanted to cry at how perfect he was making you feel. His fingers slid down your body, digging into your hips, and he was faster now, but still in time with your breath, with your pulse. This felt so much more than just sex. You couldn’t explain it. 

His hair fell messily into his face. He looked so ruined, beads of sweat and rainwater still dripping down his neck onto your body. You kissed him, "I love you so much."

Like he would never get used to hearing that, he groaned into your kiss. You lift your hips, to meet him midway and his eyes widened. "Baby…" You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him down to you, whispering, “You’re so perfect. No one has had me like you have.”

“Fuck.” He was stuttering, his pace faster than before. His breathing quick. His hand dropped to your core, touching you ever so slightly. Your muscles clenched, tightening up, and surely you would pass out. Nothing human could ever feel this good. He dropped his head in the crook of your neck, "I could fuck you for hours."

"Fuck, please do. You can have me all night." You mumbled, hands threading through his hair, nails scratching his scalp, and then his bare back. There was so much of him to touch but you only had two hands. He tilt his head, "You just got so tight." 

“You can go faster. I can handle it.” You mumbled. He cursed under his breath. Suddenly, he was pulling you up so you were on his lap, holding you up in his arms. The new angle rocked your world, and your world was spinning on a new axis. You sat on him, and he was deeper than you'd ever taken. Like he had something to prove, he thrust up, harder and faster every time, whispering, “I know you can handle it. You're perfect. You're so fucking beautiful."

His words pushed you over the edge, and he kissed you through your cry, hands caressing your face, thrusting up into you. You pushed your tongue into your mouth, and it was a mess of spit and tongue. You let the feeling wash over you, the knot in your body uncoiling. He was watching every shift in your expression, drinking you in, committing this to memory. Everything faded away into tunnel vision. He moved messily now, all precision lost to chasing his high. The feeling of you clenching around him was what he needed, his cock twitching inside you, and he let out a load groan, hips stuttering. He was shaking, his eyes squeezed shut, hips trembling.

“You stopped.” You realized. He was deep inside you, staying still. He looked so beautiful like this in the moonlight, vulnerable like he'd stripped his entire soul to you. Post-coital Hyunjin was the most beautiful. He was drowning in sweat, and it was the hottest sight ever. He opened his eyes to you, “I…I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“You could never…” You reached up to push the hair out of his face. He was glowing, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed, and life flooded through him again, cheeks reddening, "Fuck. That was…I almost blacked out. Do you feel okay?"

"I feel amazing." You pulled him back down to you, your back hitting the mattress, faces inches apart, and then laughed, "We're gonna have to do that a couple more times."

His smile grew in satisfaction, breathing softly, and he kissed you, holding you close to his body, "Happy birthday, baby."

»»————-

Even in sleep, you dreamed of him. Of his voice. Of his touch. You were so tired, your body spent from the crazy day you'd had. You lulled in and out of sleep as Hyunjin cuddled with you, legs entangled. You woke up to realize he was speaking, like he was talking to someone. He had moved away, sitting up and you let out a whine, hand blindly reaching towards him. 

The bed shifted, and immediately he was holding you again, head resting in the crook of your head, "Baby. Sorry, did I wake you?"

"What time is it?" You mumbled, shifting under the blanket to be closer to him. His voice was laced with sleepiness, "A little before six. Go back to sleep, darling."

You turned your face slightly to look at him, eyes half-closed still, "But you're awake."

His hands slipped under your shirt, to warm your skin, resting on your stomach, "I just got a call from my manager, I didn't want to wake you, I'm sorry. We can sleep a little longer."

"Is everything okay?"

"Hmm. He was just worried about me. He thinks I'm sick and in my hotel room."

"Won't he realise you're not in there?"

"Probably." Hyunjin sighed, kissing your cheek, "I'll tell him I went for a walk. I'll be back before evening, anyway. He won't realise I was gone."

The thought saddened you, that he was leaving so soon and your chest constricted. It really had been been such a short time that you'd had with him. You stared out at the window, at the wind blowing the curtain, silent for a few moments. 

"Baby?" Hyunjin asked, hand curling around you, "Are you sad?" "Yeah." You mumbled, shifting in bed so you could face him, "I am. But I shouldn't say that."

"Why?" His voice was soft. You swallowed, "Because I'm grateful you were able to come. Even if just for a little while."  "If it were up to me, I'd stay forever."

"Are you excited to go back though?" You asked, and sleep still clouded you but you were slowly coming back to life. He nodded, hand slipping around your waist, "I am, actually. As sad as I am to leave you, there's really some fun stuff planned, and I get to meet the fans again before I fly back home. I always look forward to that."

You smiled, "You love this life, don't you?"

He laughed, "I…suppose that's obvious. I do. Despite all it's troubles, I feel like I'm living my dream finally. When I was a trainee, I gave up on it. So many times."

"Really?"

"Yeah. It wasn't a good environment to grow up in, it was…toxic…and resentful. There was one time I almost quit. It was the closest I got to giving up."

"What happened?"

His eyes locked with yours, intense, "I had all my bags packed and ready to go. I'd even called my aunt to come pick me up, because I thought my parents wouldn't understand. I'd enrolled in classes for school too. But…before I could abandon my dream, I changed my mind. I'm grateful it did."

"Something changed your mind?"

His lips curved up into a soft smile, like he was living in the past, "I saw a new perspective on things."

"Well, thank god that happened. Or what would you be doing now?"

"I don't know." He sighed, and as he talked, his fingers played with your skin, drawing circles on your back, "I can't imagine my life doing anything else. Maybe as an artist, but I don't know if that would give me fulfillment the way this does. I love making music. I love being on stage, as narcissistic as that sounds. "

You shifted closer to him, entangling your legs with his, "It's not narcissistic. It's your life."

"And I even met my best friends through it. I don't think I could do life without them. Especially Jisung. I would be so lost."

You smiled, hand wrapping around his waist, "I'm so glad you found him. I'm sure he feels the same way about you."

"Yeah." He nodded, "When things get hard, I always wonder if it's worth giving this life up…but if anything, I've realised I can't live without it. It makes me so happy. I love the stage. I love everything about it."

You listened intently, even though you had just woken up, but everything he was saying embedded deep inside you. It was obvious how much he loved living like this.

"And you're so good at it too, Hyunjin." You told him, hand caressing his cheek, "You were born for this. You should do this as long as you can."

He smiled, "Thank you, baby. We should probably go back to sleep, right?"

"Right." His face was inches from yours, and his lips looked so plump, glistening in the dark. But sleep wasn't on your mind anymore. You inched closer to him, kissing him. He sighed into the kiss, like it was your natural state of being. You lay like that, making out for so long, sleepily, in a tangle of pillows and blankets. In the horizon, the sun was slowly rising, dark blue light filtering in through the skylight. He whispered, "Can I try something?"

You were in a daze, "Do anything to me."

His hand explored your body, and he tugged your thigh up, over his hip. In this position, his crotch pressed right into your underwear. Experimentally, lazily, he rolled his hips against yours, grinding into you. 

"Fuck." You mumbled, feeling him through his sweatpants and your underwear. The friction was intense. You were addicted to this feeling. Shivers running down your spine, and you were too tired but this was perfect. "You like how that feels?" He whispered, rolling his hips into yours. Everything felt so much more heightened, and you didn't even take your clothes off. 

"I love it." You kissed him. He held your leg up over his hip, giving him the perfect angle to grind right into you, into your core. You were a mess of moans, like you were drifting in and out of the most wonderful dream. He stared right at you, lips parted, eyes heavy, "I could never have enough of you."

You tilt your head back, resting on the pillow as you watched the morning sky. A landscape of disappearing stars. It was so beautiful. He grind into you like that for so long as you kissed, and you were both still half-asleep, and that just made it feel better. 

He made you come like that, three times over, just that morning, and you devoured each other like you'd never had anyone like this before. You could imagine a lifetime of this intimacy with him and it wouldn't be enough. You were so fulfilled. You were so satisfied. 

You were so in love.

»»————-

Hyunjin had to leave. You stood under the apartment, reluctant to say goodbye. He hadn't brought a suitcase with him, just his bag slung over his shoulder, freshly showered and dressed. You hugged him tightly, "I still don't know how to thank you."

His hands rested on your cheeks, caressing your face, “I needed this break just as much as you." You laughed, trying to hold back your emotions, "Why do I want to cry? I'm just bad at goodbyes, I guess."

"This isn't that. We'll see each other very soon." He kissed you, and you tried to drag it on for as long as you could, so he wouldn't have to go.

When he was gone, you stood where you were, enjoying the morning sun on your skin. It had finally decided to stop raining. The sky was bright and clear. You shouldn't feel this upset, your flights were tomorrow and you'd be back in Seoul soon.

"Was that your boyfriend?" You realised Alice had been watching from the doorstep. You nodded, "Yeah." "He's so good looking." You laughed, "He is."

You spent the rest of your afternoon exploring as much of the town as you could. You sat by the water for most of it, watching the life pass you by. You couldn't stop thinking about the lighthouse about his confession. He really did feel the same. It had been silly to worry otherwise this whole time. Your chest tightened, but it wasn't the same ache as before. It was full, heavy with love and want.

And after everything, you went back to the cafe with the postcard Hyunjin had bought you. You finally had the right words. You scribbled on it, pinning it up and you wish you could come back to look at it one day. You stared at the postcard amongst all of the hundred others. It blend in with all of the stories of strangers. You were the happiest you'd ever been, and your note reflected that. "This place will always be special. We finally stopped pretending."

»»————-

Getting off the plane felt like a shitty hangover. 

Seoul hit you all at once — too loud, too fast. Your head was pounding from the hours of travel. You pushed your sunglasses up your nose as you hauled your suitcase through the airport. Your feet ache, and you were tired, but in the best way. But despite everything, you're also excited to be back. Karina's supposed to call you today and you'll find out if you got the job, and you have to meet your friends and give them all the souvenirs you bought them. 

You're happy to be back in your favorite city in the world. 

Your suitcase is much heavier than when you brought it, and you can only blame yourself and all of your gifts. You texted Hyunjin to let him know you'd made it. His flight was supposed to land earlier this afternoon.

You waited for your taxi, thinking about the morning of your birthday. Somehow, he'd slipped out while you were sleeping to bring you a chocolate cupcake in bed, with a pretty pink candle on it. He'd surprised you with it, and licked the frosting off your lips. A grin came over your lips at the memory, and anybody here must think you insane for smiling so wide.

You're surrounded by countless people, and the airport is so crowded and you glanced over everyone, wondering what trip they were coming back from and if it changed their life as well. Everything was so much more chaotic here. But nothing can replace the feeling of Seoul. 

The man standing next to you shot you a smile. He said something to you, so you tugged out your earphones, "I'm sorry, I missed what you said." He smiled, stepping towards you, "I didn't mean to bother you. I couldn't help but notice your bag. How was it?"

You looked down at your Van Gogh museum bags, they were peeking out of your handbag but you don't mind being a walking advertisement for your favorite place in the world. You laughed, "Oh. It was lovely this time of year. Kinda rainy, but I hear it's always like that."

He was dressed casually, but his sunglasses seemed expensive. He nodded, "I've been meaning to visit. Just can't find the time with work, you know how it is."

"Right." You smiled, "Where did you fly in from?" "Oh. Nothing special." He laughed, shrugging, "I was just on a work trip."

The airport pick-up was so busy as you waited for your turn. You couldn't wait to get home, and you grabbed your suitcase, pulling it along the line.

"Are you waiting for a taxi too?" You asked him.

"I was actually waiting for you."

Your eyebrows shot up, "Oh. You must have me confused with someone else."

"No, I don't think I do." You were confused, pulling your suitcase further up, "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

"It'd be in Hyunjin's best interests if you talked to me."

You stopped in your tracks. Your grip on the bag tightened, and you looked back at him, over your shoulder. 

Don't freak out. Everything is fine. 

"I'm sorry. You must be thinking of someone else." You swallowed, forcing a smile, "I should go. My cab is here."

"I'm not thinking of anyone else." He repeated, and extended his hand to you in introduction, "Eunwoo. I trust Hyunjin's mentioned me? Well, I sure hope he has, seeing as how I've managed him for the past eight years." He added a laugh.

You stared at his hand. 

Your throat tightened so suddenly you almost choked.

Eunwoo. You'd heard that name a lot. His manager.

What does he want from you? 

How did he know you'd be here? 

You have so many questions, but you're worried about Hyunjin, first of all and there's no point in denying the truth. He seemed to already know you.

"Is everything all right? Is he okay?" You asked him, turning towards him and your heart was pounding so fast.

He smiled, "That's sweet. He's fine, Y/N."

"How do you know my name?" You couldn't stop yourself from asking, and your skin felt tight. You're suddenly feeling very sick.

"Hyunjin's mentioned you before. He didn't mean to, of course. It was an accident, but he talked about you at a party. I've been very curious about you since then." 

"Did he send you here?" You asked, and the parking attendant tapped you on your shoulder, "Miss. Your cab is here."

You nodded too quickly. Relief hit so fast it made you dizzy. But Eunwoo was staring at you intensely, and he said, "Hyunjin doesn't know I'm here. It's sweet how much you care about him. I understand because I'm the same way. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you Y/N."

You stared at him, and you're thankful you're wearing your sunglasses because there's only fear in your eyes. You don't know what this meant. You don't know how he knew you would be here, or what flight you'd be on or how long he'd been waiting for you. You're scared, and you're feeling sick to your stomach. You forced another smile, pulling your bag, "It was great to meet you, but I really have to go. My cab is here and my friends are waiting—"

"There's no need for that, my driver can take you home. Don't worry about that."

You're barely breathing right, and your hand was gripping the suitcase so tight, your knuckles are turning white, "I don't understand. Why are you here?"

He walked until he was standing in front of you, blocking the sun from your eyes. The noise of the city felt distant all of a sudden. 

Suddenly, it's very clear to you that the dream you'd been living in is over. His voice was nonchalant and nothing about him is threatening, but you're terrified as he said, "We should talk."

»»————- masterlist ⇒

thank you for reading and for still being here <3 i would love to hear what you thought of it! your favorite parts, lines or absolutely anything.

[hyunjinspark]

Girl imy and I miss slwy sm I will be eagerly waiting for the next chapter mwa

i miss you !! i also can’t wait to share the next chapter with you <33

[hyunjinspark]

most random face claim you’ll ever get for yn in slwy.. are you ready.. kazuha from lesserafim 😭🙏🏻 and i’m dead serious too

wait haha i love that. i see it. she’s so beautiful !! tbh i love all the face claims you guys give me

[hyunjinspark]

Idk if anyone’s ever said this but slwy feels like latter part of the song “Wall of Sound” by Charli XCX from her Wuthering Heights album and I’m obsessed!!

i absolutely love that song and the album, it’s featured heavily on my slwy playlist ! i agree, it’s also a favorite for me to listen to while i write <3

[hyunjinspark]

im about to start rereading star lost from start to (almost) finish it’s going to be my summer read 🤭

im so excited for you i think im going to reread it too this summer after i finish writing the next chapter :)

[hyunjinspark]

ANOTHER AMAZING CHAPTER - seriously I’m so so thankful you came back and decided to continue this because idk how I would’ve survived without this chapter dude!!! THEY FINALLY DID THE DAMN THING IM SCREAMING!!! AND EUNWOO THIS CANT BE GOOD PLEASE DONT BREAK MY HEART TOO BADLY ILL CRY - 📚

thank you !! im thankful you came to read it haha <3 won’t break your heart don’t worry

[hyunjinspark]

fun fact you might be aware of but i’ll just mention it anyway, but skz’s manager is also a very kind man skz are like super close and friendly with. he appears in so many behind the scenes stuff and talkers and just hangs out with them and laughs and jokes. they seem very comfortable around him so i find it adorable that he’s just as likeable in your story! i definitely picture him as their original manager haha

i actually had no idea about this ! im kind of very out of the loop with that stuff sorry ive been so bad about watching talkers or content 😭 but thank you for telling me ! that’s so nice :) if i watch the videos ill definitely look out for that haha

[hyunjinspark]

high on that hyunyn crack cocaine i’ve read this chapter four times already and it’s better every time

😭 i love you for that. enjoy it while it lasts…

[hyunjinspark]

jade you cannot understand how horny this chapter made me that was torture. i can’t wait for more 👀 (sorry i just gotta be honest….)

haha no don’t apologise. that’s a great compliment 😭 love u

[hyunjinspark]

jade i love you so so much do u even know how insanely talented are you? how can humans write so beautifully and literally teleport you into another univers, make you become one with the characters?!!! i’m soso attached to this story, to the characters, is actually crazy. didn’t even know words written by others could impact me so much. this story literally represents my high school years, i’m barely able to process all this. time flew so fast? by the time this story will be finished i will be in my first year of college. and to think i was in 9th grade, i think, when i first read this story? i was so scared of this new “chapter” in my life, this story was my only escape. gosh and how much i love stray kids. how deeply i admire hyunjin. i do think as well that you write hyunjin so close to what he is like irl. you feel things so deeply, understand emotions so well. i love you and i missed you so much i genuinely started sobbing when u first came back here after so long. i was desperately checking this fuckass app everyday, hoping to see u are still here. hope life treats you well and you feel happy and things go only in ur favor, take care of yourself 🥹🥹🥹🫂🫂

you are so sweet and this is so precious. why do you send such messages anonymously because now i adore u and want to talk to you 😭

im so glad you’re back to read this and that it stayed with you for a long time <3 i love writing hyunjin too, he’s such a lovely character to bring to life 💓

[hyunjinspark]

this chapter was so beautiful jade holy shittt. TWICE IN A DAY??? get it girl you deserve it 😭

she does deserve it 😭 and thank you <3

[hyunjinspark]

I just want to say that the fact that this story has been going on for 4 years and all of us are still so excited and so SAT for it should really tell you everything. I hope you know how loved your story is and how cherished. I think we care about it more than you. an possibly realize. Thank you so much for everything and for not abandoning it and coming back to continue this beautiful thing. For me this is more than a fic on tumblr, I genuinely feel like i’m reading a book, I can’t thank you enough truly.

you are so sweet. this message made my whole week, thank you.

im really happy to be writing it again, i never intended to abandon it but like i said life gets so busy and i didn’t think anybody would still be interested. i was also so out of keeping up with stray kids content but god im so back now haha. im trying to catch up on everything i missed from the last two years. and also, i want to give them their ending and all of the fun parts are still left 🥹 thank you for sticking around.

[hyunjinspark]

something i genuinely can’t wait for is jisung to know about hyunjin and yn MY BOY NEEDS AN UPDATE

yess he needs to know !! he’s been left in the dark too long 💔

[hyunjinspark]

Hello my love! Can’t believe I’m so blessed to be reading your work again!!

I got the notification you had posted again on Saturday night on my way to my friends birthday and I got really drunk and ended up telling anyone who would listen about how excited I was to read the next chapter, everyone was gobsmacked that i had been reading this fic for like 4 years and they hadn’t even had sex yet even after like half a million words 😭

I had to save reading this for when I wasn’t incredibly hungover (lol whoops) but needless to say I cried so many happy tears - this may have been the first time I’ve cried reading a sex scene but like obviously really sweet loving tears. I’m just so invested in this story and I fear you may have altered my expectations of any future romance, hyunyn have set the standard so high 😭

Also I cried when I saw there was a character with my name (Grace) which I wasn’t expecting at all but I am claiming as my own little piece of the slwy universe for myself if that’s ok haahahaha

Thank you for sharing your talent with us, I hope you know you bring joy to readers 🥰

wait that is so funny. we would be great friends because i literally do that too. we somehow talk about fanfiction at every party 😭 the guys love hearing about it lmao.

and you’re right half a million words and no sex is crazy…but hey…its a slowburn. and yes you can claim that grace. haha, love you ! i hope you had fun at your friends party and i need to hear more about everything they said ! <3

[hyunjinspark]

SCREAMING ANON IS CURRENTLY SCREAMING OVER THE NEW CHAPTER WHICH I CANT READ ATM BECAUSE I HAVE AN EIGHT HOUR ROADTRIP AHEAD OF ME IN LIKE FIVE HOURS HELP (going to Florida for BTS lol)

but yes thank you v much for this belated birthday gift, I will respond accordingly once I have the devoted time to read it ♡

i hope you enjoy florida and bts !! tell me all about it when you’re back. im seeing them this summer <3

[hyunjinspark]

the anonymous text is having my ass sweat…

yeah… it should 👀

[hyunjinspark]

everyone shut up my favourite show is on !!!!!!!!!!! holy shit where do i even begin with this incredible hyunyn FEAST you've given us ?? i say this every chapter but this is my favourite chapter yet, while reading i had to put my phone down multiple times and walk around my room so i could calm down because WHAT DO YOU MEAN that after 21 beautiful chapters we finally got a confession 😭😭 and in the rain no less how fucking romantic 😭

i totally get yn when she said she felt like she was in a dream -- this chapter felt really dreamlike compared to the scenes in seoul and daejon. hyunjin appearing out of nowhere in the flower field honest to god felt like mr darcy walking through the field WE LOVE A YEARNER !!!!!!!!!! and yn is so cute she just wanted to see the museum with hyunjin i hope they get to go back together one day 🥺 (also side note idk if i'm reading too much into it but i have a bad feeling about jake idk i wouldn't put it past the company to have someone follow yn and find out more about her. also it doesn't seem like a coincidence hyunjin got that anonymous text around the same time)

and hyunyn both being jealous YOU FOOLS !!!! don't know you the other person is ridiculously down bad for you ??? jade that lighthouse scene was so incredible, the storm representing their inner turmoil and only letting up when they finally stop being scared and confess their feelings? poetic cinema. also love the symbolism of having their confession set in the lighthouse -- i think both hyunjin and yn have felt lost at times and the other person has been a constant for them and guided them in a sense. also, their entire relationship is a secret and they can only only truly be themselves/with eachother in private. despite the fact that in this deamlike fantasy land they're able to act like a couple in public, eventually, they'll have to return to reality. the lighthouse was abandoned and far away from everyone else -- like everything else in their life, hyunyn have to carve out little spaces that no one else is privy to so i think it's very fitting in a lot of ways that they were both finally honest with their feelings here

BUT LETS TALK ABOUT THE SMUT ???! holy shit. no words. the yearning, the tension, yn begging him to go raw because they've been waiting for so long ???? and then going back back for the duck confit when all is said and done lmao. and then later on when it starts raining again and hyunijn says the rain missed the feeling of yn's skin like hello ???? hyunjin's said a lot of romantic lines this chapter but that one's my favourite FOR SURE where can i find a man like him ? and then them running back through the rain to the apartment and being even more in love. i'm not even exaggerating, everytime i read "i'm in love with you", i was grinning so wide, after following slwy for so long and seeing how far hyunyn have come i'm so so happy for them they deserve this so much after all they've been through.

(choosing to ignore the final scene at the airport for my own mental wellbeing. eunwoo make no mistake i will find a way fight you if you don't leave my girl yn alone idc if you're words on a screen. i've been reading your work for years idk why i thought i was in the clear when there was minimal angst this chapter i should've known better 😐) BUT I DIGRESS this was such a beautiful chapter jade tysm as always for the time and effort you put into slwy. thank you for writing such a beautiful confession scene for THE slowest burn i've read in a while. i can't wait for hyunyn to be disgustingly in love and go on cute dates and live happily ever after in the remaining chapters (again, choosing to ignore the last scene for the sake of my sanity). this chapter gives me the same feeling as when only fools hyunyn went to the art museum in the final (?) chapter -- it was so magical and it felt like they were the only two people in the world. i hope slwy hyunyn can come back to amsterdam and go to the museum together and go back to that cafe with the postcards and write a new one together. thank you again jade, looking forward to our regularly scheduled hyunyn angst next chapter that i'm sure you have planned (but seriously pls don't hurt them or us too much) 💕

-- 🎐

oh my god im so happy to hear from you again, i thought about you a lot while i was gone. i hope you’re good 🥹 and it was a FEAST haha. glad you liked it.

i loved reading your thoughts on it, thank you for sharing with me ! writing the confession was just so fun but trying because it’s been like 500K words of yearning so no pressure ! so im very glad you enjoyed it and felt fulfiled.

oh trust the angst will be resuming…