Welcome to the fantastic world of living trash

19 year old | Vegetarian |  Crippling depression | Steven Universe, Adventure time trash and Cancer Crew Fangirl

[cheesytrashartist]

My patreon

https://www.patreon.com/Tamaradr4w5

Please support my patreon! I am a university student of bremen ( germany) in major classes in art and english. Sadly because of my mental disorder ( BPD + PTSD) I cannot work while studying because the stress would trigger panic attacks and eventually turn into a burn out. I want to financially support my boyfriend who is most paying for everything and every little help would be appreciated!

Art is the only thing I can do without getting stressed and I am mostly active on social medias like IG and Snapchat, so it would be a perfect to connect both and help the income a little bit. 

We moved together at the end of November and its still a rocky start because we had issues with a lot of debts we needed to take care of. This would be the perfect possibility to connect my hobby to a job. :)  

[cheesytrashartist]

Wow and I did it again Im a fucking piece of shit and worth of nothing.

I just cut myself again because I was angry. I know I am not supposed to do it, its not good for me but this pain is my only way to feel more alive to relax to calm down.

[bpd-is-hell]

We are all Nutter Butter.

[cheesytrashartist]

Today is one of those days that feel heavy and dull. I just feel empty and intrusiv thoughts are there trying to convince me that nobody likes me and I just feel very psychotic. I will probably just isolate myself and do something to distract myself from thinking and interacting with people and the outside.

[cheesytrashartist]

When I dissociate and walk around outside, I see every stranger as an enemy, trying to harm me in any way, thinking bad about me, judging me with every blink. I will feel very anxious and nervous. I start sweating and get very paranoid.

[cheesytrashartist]

I feel utterly empty. I don’t know who I am. How my personality is.I feel disconnected from myself, sometimes I don’t even know how I feel. I just try to act like them and hope they like me and will give lots of confirmation. It’s like a mask and most people won’t realize how I really feel. Most of them are suprised If I tell them what disorder I have.

[cheesytrashartist]

It’s just funny how I can conditionally love someone in one moment and they need to do one little thing where I can interpret bad intentions in and I will turn to anger. I will be furious. I will threaten them, I will shout at them and call them names. I’m such a monster.

[trauma-tape]

fake

[bpdohwhatajoy]

I can be the nicest to someone and they’ll still leave. Everyone leaves, no matter how much I mold my personality to try to go well with theirs.

[notlovers-juststrangers]

[myborderlinebedlam-blog]

[taylormakaveli-deactivated20251]

BPD is like “yasss I’m gonna go about my life with healthy habits and be a new extravagant person!!!!!!”

Something inconvient happens: “wow i should just starve myself or slice myself to pieces better yet… I CoUlD juST DIE”

[ximborderlinex]

Living with borderline

I often feel “empty.”

My emotions shift very quickly, and I often experience extreme sadness, anger, and anxiety.

I’m constantly afraid that the people I care about will abandon me or leave me.

I would describe most of my romantic relationships as intense, but unstable.

The way I feel about the people in my life can dramatically change from one moment to the next—and I don’t always understand why.

I often do things I know are dangerous or bad for me, such as driving recklessly, having unsafe sex, binge drinking, doing drugs, or going on spending sprees.

I’ve attempted to hurt myself, engaged in self-harm behaviors such as cutting, or threatened suicide.

When I’m feeling insecure in a relationship, I tend to lash out of make frantic gestures to keep the other person close.

[delete-1]

I hate that i need other’s attention and validation to be happy

[trauma-tape]

*feels good, even hopeful, makes plans, is motivated*

*has one (1) wrong thought*

*suddenly starts crying, feels suicidal*

[fairylilies]

[pariaaaaah]

o