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in love with the idea of love.

I don’t think I will ever understand love. Like romantic love. The kind of love you see on movies or the love some parents have for each other. I understand the kind of love you have for your family, for your siblings, the love you have for your parents for raising you in an unknown world. I thought I was in love once but looking back on it was the naïve kind of love where your partner did no wrong and all I wanted was to keep him happy but was I happy? Is my kind of love making sure everyone around me is happy just constantly pushing my needs to the side for the needs of others? I didn’t have the best example of what love should be, I learned from movies and music and everywhere I could find a better understanding of what love may be. The more I searched for answers the more I came to realize that not everyone is going to love, that most people are in love with the idea of being in love but for what? For that rush you get when you’re with someone you care about? I have so many questions because I have yet to find a love that gives me feelings I can’t contain. Until then ill be here not waiting for anyone to show me what real love is because I know what self love is and you cant love someone fully if you don’t love yourself.