Chema Increible

College's Student | 22 | Spain | Self Care & Personal Acceptance | Positive Affirmations | Whatever 🎃

[chema-increible]

Happy New Year!

One week from now I'll be doing my finals and I'm scared.

My worst nightmare it's failing the exams, not because I'm afraid of failure, but because I know that I'm not going to be able to learn the same way without college. I know there are many ways to keep studying but it's not the same.

If I fail, I will have to get a job and get my shit together as soon as possible. I will lose the opportunity to learn about what I'm passionated about and it will be harder to make friends. Also, I will have to decide my future: move in to another city or what?

I'm totally afraid of the uncertainty. What will it happen?

The only thing I'm sure about is that I don't want to let my fear control me. I don't want to spend every second of the day studying, even when it doesn't make sense.

I will study and I will learn, but I'm not going to die doing it.

[chema-increible]

Tomorrow I have two exams. Okay, I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is for me

I started a new degree; I'm studying mathematics after finishing teaching. I know, it sound heavy, but I've always love it. Now that I'm on it I'm very scared.

I will do it the best I can and I know that is my best; even though one little part of me thinks that instead of sleeping and get rest I should study because I could be doing more... I know that is not true and that I deserve to rest; that I'm ready and if I don't... honestly, I did everything I could.

I have to learn how to allow myself to rest so I'm going to sleep. Also, I need to learn that I can't control everything.

Wish me luck!

[chema-increible]

Another day, another accomplishment

Today I studied what I could. I'm tremendously happy because I understood many things but I feel sad. I promised that I would spend just 3-4 hours studying and I've been like 6.

I don't want to have anxiety because I don't understand the lesson. However, I don't want to have anxiety for no disconnecting.

I have to find the grey in between, but for now I'm going to celebrate my accomplishment

[chema-increible]

Hi. It's been a while since I wrote. Many things have changed. I graduated at University as a Elementary School teacher and started a new degree at mathematics.

I'm pretty scared and nervous. Since I started I can't stop panicking over stuff. My main problems are compare me to others and trying to do a lot of things at the same time.

Two lessons that I've learned today are "take one step at a time" and "asking for help if you need it doesn't make one invalid"

Both of them are hard but I'm doing this not because is easy, it's because it's what I have always dreamed of.

[el-hada-olvidada]

I have to be honest to myself

I'm going to therapy since September and I'm being really honest to my therapist, but still I can't being completly sincere. I have some issues that I'm aware of but I find difficult to share, such as: thoughts about food, those moment in which I just feel empty or my fear about having to take care of my parents when my brother leave us.

I'm worried about my future and lately I don't feel like doing anything. I'm scared, but if I let my therapist know I will admit that I have a problem.

I don't know how much can I take. Sessions are hard sometimes and I can't figure it out how to fix things, but I know that I have to deal with it.

[chema-increible]

My therapist

She told me to create a food diary to know what I eat. Also, she told me to eat every 3 hours and so I'm doing

I've started to make my own choices and try not say "I'm sorry" to everyone

It's difficult but I'm trying

[chema-increible]

I don't feel good enough. However, I'm good enough. I'm more than good, I'm amazing and super strong.

I can with whatever I set my mind of.

[chema-increible]

I'm afraid that being the way I'm may affect the people who are around me

[chema-increible]

My therapist told me the other day that people used to do things to avoid certain behaviours. For example, I avoid making responsible decisions and I try to ask people around me what is the best choice.

I'm a little bit assertive and my therapist wants me to see that.

I want to change.

[chema-increible]

I started therapy

Today it was hard. She said that I probably have an eating disorder. I don't really know what is the correct way to react to this, but I feel embarrassed.

I will do my best to improve and I will do whatever is necessary. I really want to do it better.

[chema-increible]

I feel lost, but I'm looking for the place where I belong

[positivelypastelpink]

If you want to say thank you, don’t say sorry

[thewoodbine-deactivated20241020]

Also, and here’s kind of the harsh reality perspective of it, people will feel appreciated and satisfied that they did a good thing for a thank you. But the statments and column B will likely just annoy them, make them feel obligated to comfort you, be awkward, or just slowly convince them that you’re right and not worth it.

[chema-increible]

Everything is okay and if it's not it will be

[chema-increible]

What scares you?

I've been giving it a lot of thought to this matter and, finally I've found an adequated answer. I'm afraid of being paralyzed.

I get paralyzed during anxiety attacks and the worst part comes when I go back to my own self and realize how many things I could have done better.

I should say something motivating like: it's not my fault having those, I'm taking actions to improve my mental health, at least I tried... Sometimes it helps, but know I realized what I fear and I will do something to let that fear go. However and until then:

- it's not my fault having those

- I'm taking actions to improve my mental health

- at least I tried

[chema-increible]

Letting go the past

It's going to sound silly, but 4 days ago or so I get my hair cut and for me this is a fresh start.

Everyone has an identity sign which make people be recognized by others and, in certain ways, show us to the world. My hair was that for me.

I've been all my life with long hair because my mom wanted that way. I've tried many times to cut it and make my own choices which sounds easy when you are not being told all the time how fat you are going to look like or how much you are going to regret it.

For some time, my hair was like a matter of discussion in which everyone could say something but me.

I've finally cut it and donated. I'm finally free. I made my choice and I'm really happy, not because of my new look, it's because I get rid of everything my hair represented to everyone, but not to me. It was my identity sign, but I didn't want to be recognized by that, I wanted to be my own self and I hope I can actually being it.

All of you will have something different than mine and I really hope that you are comfortable with that and if you aren't you do something to be it.

Don't let something define who you are just because demands of others. Be your own self.

Thanks for reading.

[chema-increible]

Recurring thought

If I lose enough weight, I will be able to do that. No.

If I lose enough weight, I will wear that dress, skirt, t-shirt, top... So, I will look beautiful. No.

If I lose enough weight, I will enjoy doing sport. No.

If I lose enough weight, I will be more sociable and I will have more friends. No.

If I lose enough weight, I will be happy. No.

No.

No. I don't have to lose weight to be beautiful, to have friends or to enjoy stuff and definitely, I don't need to be thinner to be happy.

Love your body and do what you want to do. Be happy.

Think about you like a friend or a little child. Don't let yourself miss opportunities anymore. Take small steps, don't puss yourself, but get your goals. Believe in you and stop being afraid.

I'm trying too.

[chema-increible]

Today it was first day of gym

I started with something small: strech, usig the treadmill...One thing that make me fell nervous because I feel out of place is doing exercises as planks on a mat. However, I’ve tried, and I will keep trying