My Heart Jizzes For You

Rest In Peace, S. Blank. 🍍 Some fuckin' wind™ Aunque sean reciente, para siempre permaneceran.

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Oh Tumblr, My Tumblr

Well, you sick fucks, I'm back again. Heartbroken, of course. I got caught up like a mother fucker and the worst part is, I was axtually fucking forgiven. He who I fell out of love with forgave me and he who I fell in love with will go back to his respective partner and never speak to me again. Not unless I want to lose my family (whatever that means). Don't know how to explain what I'm feeling but here goes nothing.

DD, you wonderful, confusing human being-- I will never forget you and I will always have love for you. Knowing I will never see you again hurts me more than you will ever, ever know. I hope you find happiness with your bm and I hope you're able to forget my name some day. All the tickles, and the kisses, and the love-making, and the baby-naming, and the hugging, and the love.......is buried deep in my chest and I will have to light it on fire, like when you burn tree branches so that they disappear. Except, it's not gone. It stays put, unable to ever be touched or moved ever again.

And to my sweetest, dearest, most loving husband, I'm so fucking sorry, but I do not deserve you. Not even in the slightest. I don't know why you won't let me leave you, but fine. I give up. You caught my infidelity in a very bad way, not the worst, but definitely caught me in a way I didn't want you to, and yet, you are still so obsessed with me you will not let me or this marriage go. My respect. God knows any other man would have kicked me out the house.

I don't know what all of this means for all three of us. All I know is that it's time to refocus my energy in my children and me getting this promotion at work.

Oh Tumblr, my Tumblr, I have become the bearer of bad news, yet again. Typical. The outcome of my life has been chosen for me, yet again.

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Te amo Dimas

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Why must I want things as bad as I do?

Now replace things with people that's an even better question.

Either way, pourqui?

The idea that a rebound is an important lesson to learn is outdated, or so it seemed like. I find myself just going with the flow, but maybe the reality is that I have to stop the organic flow; bury her deep somewhere out back. What's best isn't supposed to be synonymous to what's easy.

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Yes, Tumblr. It is I again. Can you tell that I'm sad?

Seeing DD today for what feels like the last time. There's no feelings of excitement, but more like bitter-sweet. Like I want this to happen and get it over with. Like we both know this must end. And it must end now. Why now, you ask? Well to put it in the simplest of terms, why not now? The bet was won (the imaginary one, there was never a real bet as far as I'm concerned, but sometimes things seem too good to be true). We both got what we wanted, love and affection, but I think now we are both questioning my character. Is he truly attracted to someone who is willing to cross their husband in such manner? I, too, have felt that I need to focus on what's important. My character is very much in question, and; How many times will I catch myself saying, "I'm not usually like this" until that becomes a lie as well? My behavior has become a pattern of sorts and while it's true that I hate to be unpredictable, it's time I pay attention to the things that truly matter. My house, my children, my husband, my, my, my, me, me, me. But that's who this is about, no? Me, myself, and yes, I.

The life is mine. The decisions are mine. The actions, the betrayals, the lies, deceit, deception, disappointments, all of it we can make this a post a thesaurus for the "bad wife guide".

So, we ruin things for ourselves, rather than letting things ruin themselves organically. It's for the best. If I want to "have my cake and eat it too", it's only right that the slice of cake must be eaten in its entirety.

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I love you

Do you? Do I? Do we? What is love? And what does it have to do with our connection? Our bond? That I like what you look like, sound like, taste and smell like. I like what you are like. I like it all, even the parts that I do not like.

....Je t'aime....beacoup

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Are You My Rebound?

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O yea, thank God for my rebound .

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Mf, you know I used to love you? I can't even believe it myself. I'm so glad I don't anymore. :)

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Things that make me sqwirt:

Thinking of someone else when fucking.......

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My Love Language....

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The Neutral Guy

Not gonna name you because you don't deserve to be named-- you deserve none of what I gave you, not the risks I took for you and certainly not my time and affection. I truly did love you, and so very fucking much. You are not he who shall not be named, but something much more painful. You are Nameless.

I wish I could stop thinking about you and checking for you every now and then but if there's one thing that will forever stick with me is that there is no try. So starting today I choose to forget you and I pray to God He give me strength to ignore the fuck out of you should you ever contact me again. I pray that you never fucking do. The absolute worst part of it all is that I have a pretty good idea of what happened. It is just so incredibly painful that you chose to make the decision for the both of us.

What infuriates me is that in this particular "love (or whatever the fuck that was) story" you may seem like the bad guy but you did what's right; ending something that should have never gotten as far as it did, so that technically makes you the good guy. Or the neutral guy. Whatever. I'll never seek revenge, and you know it, and that's why you did what you did. You know I'm way too pussy to act on the fantasy of exposing ourselves. I just cannot bring myself to delete all of our memories just yet because if I do, I'll feel like it never happened and it was never real.

But the more I think about it

Nothing ever did happen, and it was never really real.

[heavensghost]

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Another night of desiring to feel loved....my tears rolling down my face is the closest I'll get to getting hugged.

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We would've been 2 months today. Sounds stupid, didn't think I was gonna cry, but I did. I wonder what you're thinking......wish I was a fly on the wall.

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I had you on a pedestal and gave you the benefit of the doubt

I feel sick to my stomach thinking what weird hell the last three weeks have been, crying all day every day on and off.

I love you, and I will forever hold a special place in my heart and soul for you. You awoke in me something I didn't know was dormant but very much there.

See you never again, my dearest and sweetest marine.