Beomgyu | Chasing That Feeling (I)
Pairing: Beomgyu x Fem!Reader
Genre: College!AU, Best Friends to Lovers!AU, Fluff, Angst
Featuring: TXT, ENHYPEN, LE SSERAFIM
Warnings: Cursing, mildly suggestive if you squint, grief, Yeonjun being an idiot, Soobin being moody af (sorry babe)
Summary: After your breakup with Jay, it's the first time in 6 years that you won't be kissed into the New Year by your boyfriend, making your tradition-loving self panic. So, when your best friend Beomgyu offers to kiss you just this once for your tradition's sake, you actually start to consider, because it is just going to be one kiss, right? Nothing is going to change, right? Wrong.
Author's Note: PART ONE IS FINALLY HERE! I can't believe it, finally posting this after writing on it for six months! This was such an up-and-down process for me. Lack of motivation, doubt if the story works at all, not wanting it to be cringe, you name it. So putting this post together makes me incredibly proud, and I hope you'll like it too! I appreciate any kind of feedback!! Also, I decided to split it into two parts because it's just way too long on its own and I love a little cliff hanger (I'm evil I know).
Taglist: @seobseobs, @whoisgami, @gomdoleemyson, @woncheecks, @i-am-not-dal
If you want to be tagged in future TXT scenarios, let me know!
The crisp air was biting at your skin, but you preferred this feeling over the stuffy air from inside. You had to break free, the smell of alcohol becoming overbearing, the volume of the music probably damaging your eardrums forever. It wasn't that you didn't like parties, you just needed a break to reload your social battery and reflect on the past couple of months before it was too late.
Not only did a couple of your friends get their university degrees, you were also granted a certificate for your great efforts. The certificate was only given scarcely, so it was an immense honor to receive such a document, and it would boost your career exponentially for sure.
That year, the girls trip you had manifested for so long finally made it out of the group chat. You talked about a shared beach vacation all the time, but there was always something coming up. Exams, money problems, schedules that didn’t match, you name it. But for some reason, a miracle struck and you managed to find a slot for your trip. You instantly regretted not going earlier.
It was also a year of small discoveries and triumphs. You finally won a plushie from a claw machine for the first time (we won’t talk about the number of tries). You finally fell in love with the taste of coffee after so many years of hating it. You finally found your new favorite hairstyle that you keep rocking ever since and already earned many compliments for.
And yet, none of that seemed to matter, because this year also held one of your biggest losses. Right after the year had begun, you broke up with your boyfriend of six years, the one you had dated since high school. To top it all off, it wasn't a pretty breakup. It was the type of breakup where you would cry your eyes out for weeks, where every task was numbing and every conversation seemed to drag on for ages when you didn't want to talk at all.
Suddenly, there was no one waiting to hold you when you had a particularly bad day. No one to invite you out to dinner when you managed to free your schedule, no one to hold your hand during a scary movie. And most importantly: no one to kiss you into the new year.
It had become a tradition ever since you spent your first New Years Eve together. When the clock struck midnight and the fireworks began to decorate the sky, you shared an intimate kiss with your boyfriend. You looked forward to it every year, thinking it was a cute ritual that promised good things for the new year.
You had always been the sentimental type, clinging to the familiar things in life, struggling to let go even when they seemed to drown you. Your friends would say you were a tad bit dramatic sometimes, but you didn't care. You loved to let yourself fall into a comfortable situation and would panic the moment it starts to feel different.
So naturally, you made a big deal out of it. Even though the relationship started to suffocate you, you held onto it for dear life. Because you didn't know what else to do. It was a mess, a series of ups and downs. Not just your failed relationship, but the whole year.
And right now, it was close to midnight. So in a few minutes it would all start over. But without your sacred New Year's Eve kiss for the first time.
"Aren't you freezing?" a voice behind you made you jolt.
You didn't need to turn around to know who it belonged to. Instead, your glassy eyes stayed focused on the trees in front of you, how they rustled quietly in the breeze. You heard the sliding door behind you click shut, shuffling, then felt a presence beside you.
"Come on, the new year is starting in five minutes. Shouldn't we all celebrate together?" Beomgyu suggested, only turning to you after he asked the question.
He studied your face, a frown creeping up on his own. You shifted your gaze to lock eyes, just staring blankly at him in return. His frown deepened at that.
"Why are you crying?" he mumbled, concern lacing his voice. He asked it like he already knew the answer.
The better question was: when did you start crying? Only now did you feel the thick warm tears running down your face. It felt like an automatic response to the chaos in your head.
"It's really stupid," you tried to laugh through a sob, one you didn't know you were holding.
"Tell me," he pressed, a comforting smile decorating his face now, the wrinkles between his brows smoothing out.
You inhaled sharply. Saying what's on your mind out loud was harder than you thought. You carefully tried to prepare your next sentence, only to scratch the draft over and over again.
"I just thought about Jay. Replayed the whole breakup again. And how it's the first New Year's Eve in forever where I am alone and without a New Year's kiss," you blurted finally, mentally facepalming yourself for oversharing.
It wasn't like you couldn't talk to Beomgyu about this. In fact, you doubted there was anyone you talked to about Jay more than him. He had to catch almost all of your broken pieces alone after the breakup, and he did it perfectly.
Still, it left a bittersweet taste in your mouth.
"Really? The New Year's kiss is what you're worried about?" he asked, even though he shouldn’t be surprised by it.
"You know that this is important to me. I hate to break traditions," you argued, dropping your gaze to the hands in your lap.
"Yeah I know," he fumbled with his hands too, his bottom lip disappearing between his teeth as he contemplated how to help you. Whether or not he should suggest what he had in mind.
"Why didn't you get wasted and just found a decent guy to kiss? I'm sure there are plenty here."
You scoffed. He already knew it was a terrible suggestion and he shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place.
"You know I can't just kiss anyone. I want it to be meaningful. It needs to be someone I feel comfortable with, someone I can trust, someone I have a connection with," you rambled on.
Beomgyu pondered for a moment.
Your head whipped in his direction immediately, eyes wide.
"I'm just saying. I'm the closest to what you've just described," he defended himself, as if that would save him from the instant judgement.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" you questioned, almost appalled, the crease between your brows growing deeper.
He straightened himself, as if getting ready to lecture you.
"Look, I know this is important to you. All I can say is, if you want to be kissed on New Year's Eve that badly… and by someone who is close to you, I could… do that for you."
"You got to be kidding me. This is ridiculous," you waved off immediately.
How did he even come up with such a stupid idea?
"It would literally be a one-time thing. I'm just trying to be a good friend here. Never said you had to take me up on that offer," he shrugged, as if the suggestion he dropped wasn't a big deal at all.
Your eyes met his again, and you started studying his expression. Was he just messing with you? Would he break out into a laughing fit soon and tease you about how you believed him?
No he wouldn't. Because all you could read from his eyes was sincerity.
Don’t get me wrong, Beomgyu was a complete and utter idiot, and you can't count the amount of times you thought Choi Beomgyu, you're so annoying. But he balanced it perfectly with his serious side, the one that gave advice, comforted you and made you feel validated. The side he was showing you right now.
"You're actually serious," you said in realization. Beomgyu nodded cautiously, as if preparing to get scolded.
You looked away and started to contemplate your next move. You fidgeted with your hands to calm your nerves, but it was to no avail.
Were you actually considering his request?
The clock was working against you, so you needed to make a decision quickly. A sigh escaped your lips as you faced him again. You couldn’t believe yourself.
"Okay. It's just a kiss. We would never talk about this again, right?"
"And this wouldn't change anything between us, right?"
"Right, it wouldn't," he responded almost too quickly for your liking, but he just wanted to make you feel safe. Make this feel less awkward, if that was even possible.
He started to regret his decision. Because why were you actually considering it? The fact that Beomgyu was about to kiss his best friend, after suggesting it himself as well, was mind-numbing for him.
"I can't believe we're doing this," you confessed, breaking eye contact with him and shaking your head.
You turned towards him as if on queue, the move scaring yourself. Why were you so ready for this?
You weren't. Everything inside you was in full panic mode.
Beomgyu locked eyes with you again. You tried hard to study his expression.
Nothing. His expression was absolutely unreadable.
Oh no, shouldn't he start leaning in?
He should definitely start leaning in. So why isn't he doing it?
Is he not going to kiss you?
Was this all just a prank after all?
With one swift motion, Beomgyu closed the gap between you. His lips brushed against yours carefully, as if he was still offering you to pull away. When he noticed that you didn't, his lips fully connected with yours.
The fireworks started to paint the sky in beautiful, vivid colors. Yet they were no comparison to the fireworks in your head right now. Because this felt totally different from what you had expected.
You expected this kiss to be awkward. Short. Cold. No substance, no feelings. Because it was Beomgyu, after all.
Yes, he was your closest friend. But that's all there was, platonic affection. Never have you wasted a moment to think about kissing him, ever. Especially not after a breakup that made you yearn for someone else.
Yet here you were, his lips melting against yours in such perfection it made goosebumps rise on your skin. He didn't dare touch you, restraining himself from cupping your cheek. Instead, he tilted his head slightly, deepening the kiss.
Beomgyu didn't know what came over him. He really wanted to be casual about this. He knew how much this kiss meant to you, how there was no one in this crowded mansion that could match your description from earlier.
No one except him. And maybe Yeonjun. But you would swallow nails before you would dare to let Yeonjun's lips get close to your own. The thought alone made you gag.
So really, all he wanted was to help. To make you happy. To not have you start the new year a sulking mess. Not after seeing you like this for months on end.
But why did this feel so good? Why did he feel warmth spreading through his body right now? Why didn't he want to stop?
You had no idea how much time had passed, because only the lack of oxygen drove you apart for good. You stayed close to him, it wouldn't take much to reconnect your lips, and for a moment you were contemplating.
Your eyes stayed close as did his, both trying to catch your breaths. Your hammering heart and heavy breathing drowned out any kind of celebration going on inside, any kind of firework exploding in the distance.
For a moment, you were in your own little bubble. The world around you faded away into greys, sounds muffled and unintelligible. You braced yourself for impact, but to be quite honest, you weren’t ready.
Slowly, you began opening your eyes, scared of what was awaiting you. And when you locked eyes with him, you realized. And he did too.
"Happy New Year," he whispered, the slightest hint of disbelief present in his voice.
"Happy New Year," you echoed breathlessly, unable to tear your eyes from him.
You stayed there motionlessly, basking in each other's presence, trying to find answers to so many questions buzzing in your head right now.
Why did it feel so... right? Why did you feel the same jolt of electricity that you felt with Jay when you started dating? And worst of all, why did he look like he knew how you felt, because he felt exactly the same?
All of a sudden, the muffled music became clear and loud again, finally grabbing your attention. You tore your gaze from him, fixating it towards the door.
"There you are! Happy New Year guys!!" Chaewon shouted over the music, and you could tell by the way she slurred her words how hammered she was.
Next to her, Yunjin and Hueningkai were trying to squeeze themselves past her through the door, but to no avail. Chaewon smirked, rapidly sliding the door open fully and making them stumble over each other.
You couldn’t help but giggle at your friends’ clumsiness and as Hueningkai basically fell to your feet, you helped him get up and brush off the dirt from his clothes.
He wasted no time pulling you into a hug, mumbling incoherent words into your hair that told you everything you needed to know about his level of intoxication.
You had no time to catch your breath once you peeled yourself from him, immediately being thrown into a group hug with Chaewon and Yunjin. Beomgyu was similarly bombarded with hugs from Jake, Heeseung and Taehyun.
Your mind was still clouded by the kiss, as was his. You didn’t dare look at him another time, scared that whatever had transpired between you would become obvious to everyone else once you locked eyes.
You tried your best to shove the events of the past few minutes to the back of your mind, focusing on your friends’ excitement about starting a new year.
And what a year it would become after such an opening.
As promised, the kiss was never mentioned again, at least not for a while. You were scared how Beomgyu would act around you, and also if you could be nonchalant towards him. But it worked surprisingly well.
The first time you saw each other after the party was in a shared lecture. Beomgyu was fashionably late as always, and you had saved him a seat as always. It was a good fifteen minutes into the lecture when the door swung open forcefully.
You didn’t look, knowing exactly who made an entrance. So dramatic, too. You heard extensive shuffling together with several sorry’s and excuse me’s, before someone plopped down next to you. Your head turned towards him, an unamused glance decorating your face.
Beomgyu had proudly announced to your group that he was done with being late, and the new year was all about punctuality for him. No one believed him, and you made bets on how long he would last. Yeonjun gave him a week, while you cut him some slack and gave him ten days. Low and behold, it only took five.
“So much for never being late again, huh?” you quipped, and he only blew a raspberry at that.
“Very mature response,” you tried to stay serious but a small giggle betrayed you.
“This time, it wasn’t my fault though,” he argued, but you didn’t believe a word he said.
“Sure,” you tried to sound exaggeratedly serious, and he glared in response.
He hastily took out his notebook and pen, trying to catch up with the notes. When he tried to lean over yours, you turned away from him, and he scoffed at that.
“Come on Y/N, let me copy what we’ve covered so far,” he whined.
“Be here on time and you can take those notes yourself,” you shot back, continuing to deny him access to your sacred notebook.
He kept complaining to you, trying to argue how he needed your help just this once (it wasn’t just this once, this has happened a good 20 times before), but you didn’t budge.
“Mr. Choi, would you like to share something with the class? Maybe why you were late again?” the professor warned him.
The whole hall broke out into small giggles, enjoying this way too much for Beomgyu’s liking. He choked out an embarrassed "No." while shaking his head, growing small in his chair.
When the attention was off him, he gave you an annoyed glance.
“Killjoy,” he muttered under his breath, and you just shrugged at that.
Those quarrels continued outside of class, too.
Beomgyu and Soobin were working as baristas on campus, which offered you at least one free drink a week. However, Beomgyu would purposely ruin your drink from time to time, using the wrong syrup or a stronger coffee blend, which had your face scrunch up from the bitter taste. Whenever you complained, he would act annoyed, arguing that you should feel honored that you get free drinks at all.
Or whenever he came over to Yeonjun and your apartment, he would make sure to hide things like a charger or your favorite hair clip, earning annoyed groans from you every time. Sometimes you wished you could wipe that shit-eating grin off his stupid face.
Deep down, you couldn’t be mad at him, though. He was playful, and you genuinely enjoyed that. He always kept you on the edge of your seat, as you never knew what to expect. He could pull the weirdest moves but you always found it amusing. You’d always let him.
Because truth be told, you envied him. How he made everything feel so easy. So light. Nothing was ever too serious for Beomgyu, too negative and too one-sided.
You know that he felt deeply, and that he also had his insecurities. He deemed you trustworthy enough to share them with you. And yet, his positivity and brightness were overpowering them most of the time.
It almost made you forget about your worries altogether, including that faithful New Year’s Eve. Over a month had passed without any mention, strange look or suggestive behavior. It was almost as if it hadn’t happened at all. You even started to question if you had hallucinated it altogether.
But the more time passed, the more your mind kept circling back to the moment his lips touched yours. And you started wondering if his mind did the same. If so, he was a master at hiding it. You probably weren’t.
To be honest, you had thought about your kiss way too much for your liking. It was just a stupid kiss, after all. Another one of Beomgyu’s stupid moves. Yet it lingered for so much longer that you questioned your sanity.
Beomgyu has never been more than a friend to you. A close one, but nothing more. You never wasted your time with what ifs in that regard. Because again, you liked stability. Continuity. Beomgyu and your relationship has always been loving, yet strictly platonic.
But with the kiss, your perception of him shifted. The thoughts you never dared to have about him were more prominent now. You wondered if there was more, if there had been more for a while, if you hadn’t appreciated him enough.
There was something electric about the kiss. Something you only knew from the time Jay held your heart in his hands.
Jay. He was another reason why you never thought of Beomgyu as anything else than a friend. Why would you? Jay had been a stable presence in your life for years, answering every desire you had. That was until he broke it off at least.
After he did, all you could think about was him. The first few weeks, you thought you would never get over it, and you bet it took a good 6 months for you to be able to genuinely smile again.
You tried busying yourself with college work, almost drowning yourself in it. It resulted in the special efforts certificate at the end of the semester, which Taehyun saw as a threat to his legacy, since he had been the ace of your group so far. Your parents were mighty proud of you, but it didn’t seem to matter.
Jay kept lingering in your brain no matter how hard you tried to ignore it. It drove you insane and on his birthday, you tried to reach out to him in a moment of weakness, only to find out that his number had been out of service.
He simply vanished from your life in a matter of days, and no brainstorming could find an explanation why. Even when there started to be signs.
It began slowly, a subtle distance between Jay and you. He wouldn’t be as clingy as before, his smiles becoming less frequent as became his visits. He started to find excuses not to see you, and it really took a toll on you.
So, naturally, you addressed it. You had been dating for so long that you expected him to talk to you about what’s the matter. But he only gave empty reasons for his behavior.
He was increasingly pulling away from you, no matter how hard you tried to stay close. His distance only made you cling to him even harder, trying to hold onto the forever you had promised each other. It was counterproductive, because his actions showed you that he needed space, yet you wouldn’t grant it. You couldn’t grant it.
But you can’t make someone love you by loving them even harder. So one glorious day, he told you that it’s over.
You didn’t remember much from this day other than the heartache it caused, the way Jay’s empty eyes stared into your own, and you couldn’t do anything to fill them with life.
He wasn’t in reach anymore, not for anyone. All of your friends tried to talk to him, but no one was successful. He had shut all of you out.
You had blamed yourself for it of course, wondering what you had done wrong for him to just leave like this. Like it didn’t matter, like it didn’t shatter your life, and the whole friend group, too.
After months of crying your eyes out, you figured that you had to let go. You had to move on. And damn, it was difficult to do so. But there was one person helping you through it like no other. One person who made all of it just a tiny bit easier.
Throughout your most painful months to date, he had been a quiet constant in your life, one you could rely on no matter the circumstance. He was there when you needed him, and seemed to be the only one to fully understand you. Because he shared a similar pain to yours.
Jay had been a very close, if not Beomgyu’s best friend. It was weird, because their personalities were so different from each other, yet they fit together like gloves. They were friends way before college, and you were certain they would still be friends long after college too.
But Jay didn’t just leave you, he left Beomgyu as well. So really, if there was someone who knew your struggle, it was him. It was a logical conclusion that you gravitated towards each other when you were at your worst and he was similarly struck by the recent events. There was a mutual understanding that no other of your friends shared.
Of course they also made an effort. And just like you two, they were shocked by the way Jay had disappeared all of a sudden. But they were never that close to him, they didn’t spend 6 years and more by his side. They didn’t believe they knew Jay like the back of their hand like you did.
And maybe this shared loss ultimately made you grow closer. Made you appreciate each other more. Made you rely on each other more. Which ultimately means that you had let your heart make the most stupid decision and agree to that kiss.
You wondered if Beomgyu was aware of the consequences. If he secretly knew how this would drive you insane. But he wasn’t ill-natured. He was just an idiot. So here you were once again, picking up the pieces after a boy decided to pluck your heart strings the wrong way.
Beomgyu wasn’t as unaffected as he made it seem. He played it cool, like he always tried to do anyway, like nothing mattered to him. But the reality was far from it. He had pondered over his decision ever since he got home from that party. His mind was clouded with the kiss, and he started questioning why he suggested it in the first place.
Of course it would make everything more complicated, what was he thinking?
He tried his absolute best not to show it. And thank God for him, he was a master at his class. Because even when his heart did a weird thing whenever he saw you, he didn’t let it show. You bickered like you always would, and it made him wonder if he was the only one still affected by your lips touching.
Because more often than not, he caught himself thinking about the party at the most random moments, about how you hadn’t exchanged a word after the kiss, being swept up by your friends. There was no way to relish the feeling. To search for answers. To tell each other that this felt different than what you had expected.
Which means that right now, Beomgyu was left with a thousand questions he couldn’t answer. And he didn’t dare ask. So he had to play the pretend-game. Oh, how much he hated it.
It was more bearable when you were with your friends, because they distracted him from the war in his mind. They didn’t suspect anything, which made all of this a lot easier. Or so he thought.
This time, you had met up at a local diner for a shared dinner. It was rare that most of your schedules aligned, but you tried to summon as many people as you could nonetheless. This time, only Kazuha and Heeseung were missing, and they made their displeasure with it heard. But you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.
Soobin had just left the table to grab your drinks from the counter when Beomgyu saw the chance to share an anecdote from work.
“Wanna hear a funny story?” Beomgyu began, instantly catching the attention of the whole table.
“We had a meeting with our boss today at the café. And Soobin asked for more creative freedom on the food.”
“Don’t let that man get anywhere near the cakes,” Chaewon said wide-eyed.
“Remember his chestnut tiramisu?” Taehyun quipped, his life visibly flashing before his eyes.
“How could I forget,” Yeonjun admitted, the interesting taste still present on his tongue.
“I’m still traumatized,” Hueningkai said, a shiver present in his voice.
“That was a whole biohazard.”
“Honestly, it’s a wonder he hasn’t poisoned half of campus with his drinks yet,” Chaewon snickered.
“Yeah yeah, quit the blasphemy. You still love me,” Soobin bit back as he returned to the table, balancing a tray of drinks in his hands like it was second nature (because it was).
“We do, just never touch a kitchen again,” Taehyun countered, setting clear boundaries.
The older one stuck his tongue out in response, a disgusted look decorating his face. You couldn’t help but giggle at the childishness.
“I can’t get better if I don’t try,” he retorted, clicking his tongue.
“And you want to try by sending the whole campus into a coma?” Yeonjun challenged with a chuckle.
“Hey, you’re all acting like it’s worse than it actually is.” Soobin defended.
“Just accept it, you’re a lost case,” Taehyun shook his head.
“Why don’t you teach him, Taehyun?” Yunjin asked, wiggling her eyebrows.
“I’d rather jump off a bridge,” he replied instantly, as if there was no shadow of doubt that he will forever refuse to teach Soobin anything related to cooking.
And there it was, Soobin’s sulky face. He had heard enough, the pout on his lips gradually forming. They had done it again, high fiving each other triumphantly.
The conversation split up into smaller groups after that, as the boys tried to calm Soobin down again, explaining to him how it was just a joke and they would love to see him cook or bake more (that was a blatant lie). Yunjin had leaned over to you to share another cooking disaster, and she began to vividly describe how her sister had almost set their whole kitchen on fire.
Suddenly, Beomgyu completely clocked out as he was staring at you from the other side of the table. You had stolen glances the whole night, at least that’s what he told himself, but right now he was just blatantly gawking at how you lost it over the story Yunjin recited.
Of course, it didn't go unnoticed. Yeonjun elbowed Beomgyu slightly, trying to get his attention.
"Hey man, you alright?" he asked, a playful smirk dancing on his lips.
Beomgyu cleared his throat awkwardly, mind working overtime as he was trying to piece together an excuse. He has never been obvious, so why was his facade crumbling now?
"Yeah, sure," was all he could muster. Yeonjun raised a suspicious brow at him.
If there was one thing Beomgyu hated, it was Yeonjun being nosy. He gets it, he could also be really annoying from time to time. But when Yeonjun started snooping around, it was bad. Because he would keep pushing until he got a satisfactory response.
"Did I interrupt something here?"
Yup, there it was. He totally caught the younger one staring, and he made it his next grand mission to tease him about it.
Beomgyu sighed, eyes finally meeting Yeonjun's. The older one shot him a knowing look with a smile. Beomgyu signaled with his eyes that he should not dig deeper, but it was to no avail. Yeonjun really could be a pain in the ass sometimes.
“Wait, do you fancy Y/N?” Yeonjun whispered now, trying to make this conversation as private as possible.
“Can you stop?” Beomgyu said with a small groan, brows furrowing in frustration.
Yeonjun, of course, was enjoying this to the fullest. He snickered teasingly, knowing full well that he had caught Beomgyu red-handed. The small blush creeping up on the younger one’s cheeks only proved his theory further.
“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me,” Yeonjun nudged Beomgyu again. But he already knew it wasn’t.
Yeonjun was the gossip king among your friends. And no matter what, he would always share his knowledge with the group, even if he was exposing them. You had no idea how he gathered all this information in the first place, but he always knew something before anyone else did.
For example, Yeonjun was the first one to know about Heeseung’s scholarship. The younger one tried to keep it a secret for some reason, but once Yeonjun found out, it didn’t take long for everyone else to know.
He also knew about Sunghoon’s on-off relationship before anyone else did. You could still remember the deep shade of red his ears turned when Yeonjun decided to spill the beans all of a sudden, totally unprovoked.
So really, how safe would Beomgyu be?
“Dude I’m serious, it’s nothing,” Beomgyu tried to deflect, and Yeonjun just clicked his tongue in amusement.
Yeah sure. If he knew one thing, he knew that Beomgyu was obvious with who he fancied. He remembered when Beomgyu had a crush on Yujin, a pretty girl from one of their lectures.
He made a fool of himself, and Yeonjun almost felt bad for how hopeless his friend was. And interestingly enough, the way his gaze lingered on you felt similar to the way he used to look at Yujin.
Yeonjun could put two and two together easily in that regard. It did surprise him though, since you two never struck him as anything more than friends. Had anything happened recently? Oh, if only he knew.
But he didn’t. At least not for now. So really, where was this sudden crush coming from? It didn’t make sense to him. Before Yeonjun could spill the tea or start a rumor, he needed to gather more information.
Choi Yeonjun was on a mission.
"Gracing me with your presence, I see?" Beomgyu said with a flashy grin on his face.
You scoffed in response, balancing several bags of snacks in your arms. What a way to greet you.
“Of course I am, it’s your birthday after all,” you chirped, a proud smile gracing your features. You pushed past him into his apartment without a second thought, just trying to get the bags to safety.
After dropping them on the table, you turned around quickly, opening your arms. He didn’t hesitate, finding your embrace like it was his second home. And even though he was towering over you, it felt like hugging a little boy when you held him like this.
“Happy Birthday!” you exhaled excitedly, arms slightly squeezing him.
He laughed breathlessly in return, thanking you quietly. His arms snaked around your waist, pulling you impossibly closer. Hugs like this were common between you, and you basked in each other’s presence for a minute.
But upon noticing that he hugged you just a beat longer than usual, you shoved that thought in the back of your mind immediately. Maybe you were just imagining things.
Once you broke apart, you whipped your head towards the kitchen.
“Come on, let’s put those snacks into a bowl.”
Since it was the middle of the week, Beomgyu decided to throw a little birthday party in his apartment instead of a club. Your friend group generally liked to party, no doubt, but nothing beats a casual evening full of laughter, silly board games and weird cocktails that Yeonjun tried to experiment with.
You arrived first, as usual, helping him with the finishing touches. Thankfully, his apartment was just big enough to house all of his closest friends, and he was one of the few people from your inner circle that actually lived alone. So naturally, it was a given that he invited all of you over from time to time.
Just after you had finished setting up the snack bowls, Yeonjun, Taehyun, Kai and Chaewon arrived, followed swiftly by Heeseung, Soobin and Yunjin. Jake was late as usual, and Sunghoon made the terrible mistake of offering him a lift, which made him subsequently late too.
Beomgyu feigned annoyance when Jake barged in with his usual wide grin like the crowd magnet he is. But he was used to it by now, so it was okay. At least they brought his favorite board game.
Once everyone settled in you ordered food, which resulted in the apartment being littered with plastic bowls, chopsticks and coke cans in a matter of minutes. After diving into and practically inhaling the dozens of tteokbokki servings, it was time for Chaewon and you to disappear into the kitchen together.
Beomgyu wanted to follow you both, but in a surprising turn of events where Jake was able to read the room for once, he held him back. You didn’t notice, as your attention was focused on the cake in front of you. With hasty hands, you prepared the surprise for him, giggling in excitement.
Heeseung dipped his head into the kitchen to know when to jump into action, and once you gave a quick nod he turned off the light switch.
Off you two went with a bear-shaped cake in your hands, lit by no less than 13 candles (since 24 were too many, it was the 13th of March after all, and one was too little as Beomgyu liked it over the top). Everyone broke out into a birthday chant and Beomgyu’s eyes lit up in slight embarrassment, that beautiful shy smile adorning his face.
With little hesitation, he clasped his hands together, formulating a quick wish in his mind before blowing out the candles. You all clapped at that, Heeseung turning the light back on and Yeonjun nudging his younger friend’s shoulder playfully.
“What did you wish for?” he asked curiously.
“I’m not telling you~” Beomgyu sang, shaking his head.
“Well,” Chaewon announced while clapping her hands together one more time, “we hope you wished for this!”
Chaewon moved her arms towards the kitchen, as if to present a special guest. Queue that one Will Smith meme. From around the corner, Heeseung appeared with an immense bag in his hands. Beomgyu’s eyes widened in shock, his mouth agape as he wondered what could possibly be hidden in such a big bag.
His friend handed him the bag with a signature grin and another “Happy birthday, bro.”
Beomgyu’s interest was sparked when the bag felt heavy in his hands. He looked at all of his friends expectantly, but they only mirrored his expression instead.
“Go on, open it!” they urged him.
Without hesitation, he ripped open the bag, his mouth opening even wider than before.
“No way,” he gasped, pulling out a brand new electric guitar. Its dark red color sparkled in the light of his living room, the black details only adding to the look of it. It’s exactly the guitar Beomgyu dreamt of having.
“You guys are insane,” he said in disbelief, looking at the guitar as if it wasn’t real. “Do you know how crazy expensive this is?!”
“We pooled the money,” Heeseung shrugged, as if that made the guitar any less expensive.
“How did you even know I wanted this?” he questioned, his fingers gliding over the guitar with ease.
“Y/N’s got the idea,” Soobin revealed, glancing over to you knowingly.
Beomgyu turned to you slowly, an adoration on his face you anticipated for months.
“You did?” He questioned to make sure he didn’t mishear.
You tilted your head with a knowing smile, pulling your lips together and raising your eyebrows.
The look on his face held so much gratitude that you were almost drowning in it, and he mouthed a small thank you towards you before turning to the rest of the group.
He clutched his heart, breaking out in a heartfelt speech about how thankful he was. If one didn’t know Beomgyu, they could think that he was joking, but you knew better. With a satisfied smirk you watched as he poured his heart out in front of you, truly shaken by such a meaningful present.
Of course, he wouldn’t be let off the hook before playing something on his new sacred instrument, and he immediately gave you a taste of the action, strumming random melodies into some kind of mashup. You all cheered for him like his own personal fanclub and he blushed hard in embarrassment like he usually would when getting praised.
The night dragged on with several drinks and games after that, and before you knew it, it was well past 10pm and his birthday was as good as over. That didn’t stop Yeonjun, though.
“Alright guys, how about we take this to the club?” he suggested excitedly, ready to shake his hips in honor of Beomgyu.
The latter shook his head slightly, sighing.
“I’m out of this,” he admitted, earning groans from the crowd.
“Come on dude, it’s your birthday!” Heeseung tried to argue, but Beomgyu was adamant about it.
“And I have work tomorrow. So no, thank you. We can celebrate on the weekend.” But he wouldn’t be let off the hook that easily.
“Man, just switch shifts with Soobin. He wouldn’t mind, right?” Heeseung looked at Soobin with a glint of hope in his eyes.
“The hell I wouldn’t,” Soobin clicked his tongue in annoyance, side eyeing Heeseung. Heeseung’s face dropped almost comically at that.
“Actually, I’m not joining either. No alcohol in the middle of the week, that’s the rule,” Chaewon explained.
“Chaewon, don’t leave me hanging,” Yeonjun pleaded, but she kept shaking her head at his advances.
Sunghoon, Taehyun, Yunjin and you agreed with her, much to Yeonjun’s dismay. Only Jake was up for the idea, even though he also had to work the next day. But he just didn’t know any better.
“You guys are boring. As usual, Heeseung and Jake are the only trustworthy ones here,” he said, dramatically draping an arm around the younger one’s shoulder.
“Knock yourself out then, no one is stopping you,” Taehyun said matter-of-factly, waving them off.
They didn’t need to be told twice, rushing out of Beomgyu’s apartment in an instant. He could just raise an eyebrow at that, sighing heavily after the lock of his door clicked back into place.
“I have amazing friends,” he said jokingly, shaking his head.
“Sometimes I wonder if Yeonjun has gotten himself into an addiction,” you chuckled, making Chaewon scoff in response.
“Please, I’m trying to ignore how drunk he gets in almost no time,” Chaewon admitted, covering her face with her hand in embarrassment.
You knew that Chaewon had fancied Yeonjun for a while now, but his clubbing escapades didn’t go unnoticed by her. They became increasingly rare, some kind of new year’s resolution you supposed, but they didn’t disappear completely.
More often than not, you had to drag a drunk Yeonjun to your shared apartment, since being his roommate meant you were automatically his babysitter too. You were lucky that Yeonjun was the clingy type of drunk, not the aggressive one, but it still annoyed you that he couldn’t take care of himself despite being old enough.
The decimated group that had remained in Beomgyu’s apartment played one more round of board games before Taehyun and Soobin were the first ones to call it a night. The rest of the boys left shortly after, and Chaewon was soon to follow as well.
Yunjin tried to beat you to being the last one to leave but her fatigue took over. None of them bothered to help Beomgyu with the clean-up because they wanted to be home before midnight, and since you felt bad for him you decided to stay behind. At least they had already gathered all the food boxes in a pile.
He didn’t need to utter a word for you to know how thankful he was that you volunteered, knowing exactly how much he hated any kind of chores. Especially when ten hungry vultures stripped his place of anything edible.
Once you guys were done cleaning up, you couldn’t help but slump down on the couch from exhaustion. He joined you right away, a heavy sigh leaving his lips as he ran a hand through his hair.
“I know I don’t need to say it. But thanks for helping. As always," he spoke, voice small yet sincere. You just smiled and shrugged in response.
“Was the guitar really your idea?” he asked, unsurprisingly curious all of a sudden.
“Yeah, you kept talking about that guitar, but I knew you would never buy it yourself. So I suggested it to the group and everyone was on board. Your parents and brother also joined in, by the way.”
“I still can’t believe you paid that much for my birthday present.”
“It’s not about the money, you know,” you shrugged again, one side of your lips curving upwards.
“Exactly, that’s why I don’t know how to ever beat that. This was so personal and spot-on,” he admitted with a smile, and you just looked at him unamused.
“Just gift me that stupid overpriced Ghibli figurine then and shut up already,” you bit back mildly annoyed, which made Beomgyu suppress a chuckle.
Suddenly, a soft, slow song was playing on the speaker, the strumming of the guitar spreading effortlessly through his apartment. Beomgyu smiled next to you, raising his eyebrows knowingly. Before you knew it, the spot behind you was empty as he leaped up to stand in front of you.
You thought he wanted to grab his guitar and copy the tune of the song. After all, he enjoyed playing slow songs like this. But he reached out his hand instead. You just looked at him confused.
“Let’s dance,” he suggested, that stupid grin plastered across his face.
“Really?” you laughed in disbelief, shaking your head at the randomness of the situation.
"Come on," he pressed with a slight laugh, the one that you found so endearing.
You couldn't hide the smile creeping up on your face as you took his hand, feeling the softness of his skin under yours. You slowly rose from the couch, watching his grin spread even wider in front of you.
This wasn't the first time you had danced like this. Slow dancing together had become part of your routine whenever a fitting song started playing. As Jay wasn’t much of a dancer, Beomgyu had volunteered to step in from time to time. It was always in a joking manner, as you giggled throughout the entire song most of the time, clumsily stepping on each other's feet when trying to change position.
Beomgyu had a nature of overdramatizing things, so your slow dance would usually end in a skit about an overambitious prince trying to impress his princess. Exaggerated movements, totally serious (unserious) expressions and sloppy guidance was the result of this equation.
Not this time. This felt more serious, more careful. Beomgyu's touch was featherlight and delicate, as if you were made of porcelain. His hands ghosted over your waist at first before he carefully placed it there like he had so many times before. And yet this time, it felt harder to do.
He couldn't pinpoint why. Every bundle of nerves on his body was hypersensitive, as if your touch would burn him. He felt his heartbeat quicken, his pulse roaring under his skin when you locked eyes with him for a mere second, and the effect you had on him made Beomgyu nervous.
For some reason, he couldn’t concentrate. He couldn’t bring himself to joke around, because the energy in the room shifted the moment you closed the distance.
You started swaying slowly, turning on the spot as your feet found a rhythm.
Again, you had been close like this before, so what was different now? Was it the fact that the melody felt oddly romantic? Or was it the fact that the last time you were this close, his lips fell on yours hastily?
You tried your best to keep your mind calm, but you felt it too. The shift. The ache consuming you both. The magnetic force that pulled you towards one another.
You had lost track of time, wondering how long you have been dancing. It felt like forever. And it felt odd. But not in a bad way. It felt odd in a way that you didn’t want to pull away.
It wasn't until you felt his breath on your face that you noticed. You were dangerously close to each other. Closer than you were when you started dancing.
His breathing was uneven, ratchet, as if it was a carbon copy of his restless mind. As if there was a silent war he was fighting that he didn't want you to know about, but his breathing had betrayed him. Eyes glued to your lips, he swayed ever so carefully, the dance feeling agonizingly slow at this point.
You released a shaky breath, eyes searching desperately for his.
"Beomgyu," your voice was breaking and just above a whisper, as if his name was a sacred spell not to be said out loud.
When his gaze shifted upwards, meeting yours, you saw a flicker of something you hadn't seen before. Something you wanted to drown in. He had never looked at you like that before. Or has he?
It felt like the look he gave you after that kiss, that godforsaken kiss that had your mind in shambles ever since. But this held more intensity. It was sharper, more defined than before. This felt like the real deal. This one made goosebumps rise on your skin.
And before you could let yourself fall further into his eyes, the ringtone of your phone made you stop in your tracks. Your body jolted slightly, as if you were being caught doing something highly illegal.
It felt like the bubble around you popped in an instant, and you closed your eyes in denial, breaking his gaze. Both of you were breathless, as if you had spent hours climbing a mountain. Your breathing suggested the complete opposite of the subtle movements you've been performing the last couple of minutes.
The grip on your hand didn't falter, as if Beomgyu was scared of letting you slip away. Your eyes were still closed as you tried to calculate your next move. He studied you intently, trying to decipher the unreadable expression on your face. When you didn’t budge, he grew nervous. With a deep sigh, he finally decided to speak up.
"You should probably take that."
Your eyes shot up to his, and you swore you saw a sour hint in his gaze. Like someone had just interrupted an important moment. Like he was about to do something unforgivable, if only he had been given more time.
Well, it wasn't too far from the truth. You nodded faintly, gaze dropping to your feet in embarrassment.
And with that, your warmth was gone in an instant. Beomgyu could still feel the ghost of your touch on his skin, a feeling that used to be so familiar but right now, felt so foreign. The fire burning in his chest began to slowly deflate into embers crackling away.
You didn't dare look at him as you picked up the phone, not bothering to see who was calling. Your mind was everywhere but your phone right now, it went completely haywire, and you couldn't focus.
"Y/N! It's Yeon— it's Yeonjun. Can you come pick me up, please? I'm a bit d-drunk..." Yeonjun slurred on the other end, and from the way he spoke you could already tell that he was more than just a bit drunk.
You let out a long sigh. Great. Babysitting duties at the worst possible time. You knew that going out was a bad idea.
"Alright, where are you? I'm on my way," you said as you searched for your bag and threw it over your shoulder in an instant.
After you pieced together Yeonjun's cryptic information about his whereabouts, you hung up the phone, slipping it into your bag. You could feel the holes burning into your skin from Beomgyu's stare. You were afraid to turn around, not ready to face the situation. But you had no choice.
You cleared your throat awkwardly, shifting a bit to look at him. A hint of disappointment was prominent in his eyes, accompanied by the softest scowl. You opened your mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Beomgyu beat you to it.
"Yeonjun?" he asked knowingly. Who else would call you at this hour?
"Yeonjun," you confirmed with a sigh.
"Let me guess, he is drunk again?"
"10 points to Gryffindor," you quipped sarcastically. Humor was your coping mechanism.
“That must be a new record,” he muttered in disbelief and you sighed heavily.
A small smile dared to appear on Beomgyu's lips, but it was gone as fast as it came. He nodded simply, avoiding eye contact.
"You should really go then," he shrugged, trying to act nonchalant.
But Beomgyu was a terrible liar. You knew that he didn't mean it, that he didn't want you to go. He wanted to bask in the atmosphere you two created, even though it scared the hell out of him. His pulse ticked faster under his skin, and he tried to hide his trembling hands and heavy heart as best as he could.
Truth be told, leaving was the last thing on your mind. That night, Beomgyu pulled you towards him in a way he hasn't done before, and he looked at you with a different kind of fondness than what you were used to. You didn't know what came over you, but you wanted to stay like this. Exactly like this.
You wanted him to keep looking at you like that, even though it was hard to decipher what it meant. Even though you were scared to death that this would ruin you forever.
"I'm sorry," you croaked out.
The moment you got into your car, you knew that this was different. This couldn't just be swept under the rug and never talked about again. This hung in the air between you two for good. How would you handle it? You didn't know.
“Right, that will be 50 bucks then,” Taehyun said as he slammed his book shut.
After he had buried his initial jealousy for getting the same certificate as him, Taehyun became your study buddy. You figured that you worked well as a team, each of you adding more dimension to the other one’s studying experience. So really, it would be a shame not to make good use of it.
Sometimes you wondered how Taehyun’s mind could work so differently from your own yet his calculations resulted in the same outcome as yours. It’s like adding a second method, a second viewpoint to your study. You never expected it, especially not since he was very secretive about his study methods. But here you were at the end of yet another shared session.
“Are you serious?” you asked with a frown, wondering if he was being sarcastic.
“My service doesn’t come for free,” he shrugged, sliding his utensils into his bag.
“Yeah? Since when?” you snorted, not believing a word he said.
He had a special kind of humor, and you found it incredibly hard to read him. It fascinated you, because you had never met someone so entirely different from yourself, someone so unpredictable. Sure, you never knew what Yeonjun and Beomgyu were up to either, but Taehyun was a whole different story. So you were already on the edge of your seat to hear his response.
“Since I need to save up for a new car,” he reasoned.
Wow. That was kind of low. Your lips dropped into a sad curve, and you looked at him with puppy eyes.
“Oh, has your clunker broken down again?” you said, sarcasm drenching your voice.
His lips formed a thin line as he looked at you with a serious expression. He only nodded slightly.
You had told him a hundred times already that he should finally get rid of that ancient car that used to belong to his grandfather. You had no idea why he would cling to it so much when the only thing reliable about it was the costs it would create at the garage.
Taehyun on the other hand put his whole soul into that damn car. His grandfather gifted it to him and he had sworn to take good care of it. Slowly but surely he came to realize that the car was hopeless though, stripping him of his savings.
Your expression dropped to mirror his, irritation glossed over your features.
“Go become a stripper then, I won’t pay you anything.”
“If you talk about my baby like that I won’t give you a lift ever again,” he hissed.
You had your own car anyway, so it’s not like you were dependent on him. Consequently, you clutched your chest in fake shock, your jaw dropping almost comically.
Taehyun feigned annoyance, but his attention was quickly diverted to Yeonjun running towards you both. Thank God you weren’t in the library.
“The one and only,” Yeonjun returned.
“You’re late,” you said flatly, but you weren’t surprised.
Yeonjun wasn’t the most punctual person. You sometimes wondered what could be so important to keep him busy, or if he wanted to battle Beomgyu for the title of the most unpunctual member of your friend group. It was irritating sometimes, but Taehyun and you had gone over another subject while you waited, so your comment was more teasing than anything.
“I’m not late, everyone else is just early,” he argued and you giggled.
“Okay Queen of Genovia, let’s go then.”
“Actually, you go ahead. Taehyun and I have something to discuss,” Yeonjun announced.
You exchanged a quick glance with your friend, but Taehyun looked just as surprised as you.
“Well then, discuss,” you urged with your arms, growing nervous after watching the clock.
It was pretty late and you still needed to run some errands, but the stores were closing soon. Yeonjun always had immaculate timing with stuff like this, especially after already being late.
“Some male privacy please.”
You rolled your eyes at him. Great, that means he was up to something. You were taking a mental note to squeeze it out of him later.
“Alright, make it quick.”
You turned on your heel and strolled towards the exit, car key dangling in your hand. Yeonjun waited a good moment for you to be out of hearing range before he turned to Taehyun. What shenanigans were awaiting him today, the younger one wondered. He just shot his friend a quizzical brow.
Yeonjun grabbed his shoulder, pulling him closer to ask him this vital question.
“Have you also noticed that something is off about Beomgyu and Y/N?”
Taehyun needed a double take. Triple take, even. Maybe he had just misheard.
“I think they’re dating. It’s quite obvious,” Yeonjun whispered.
Taehyun frowned in disbelief. It baffled him how Yeonjun always concluded the weirdest shit. Most of his deductions were unfounded, so really the possibility of him being right was quite low. Taehyun’s curiosity was sparked nonetheless.
“What makes you think that?”
Yeonjun blabbered on about how he noticed a shift between you two, how he caught Beomgyu staring at you, how you would blush slightly when confronted with him, how you weren’t that playful anymore but soft. There were subtle changes in your behavior but to Yeonjun, it was clear as day that feelings were involved.
Even after listening to his observations, Taehyun didn’t really understand where Yeonjun was coming from. And quite frankly, he didn’t care either. Apparently, Beomgyu and you were behaving differently. So what? You may be dating. And? It wouldn’t change anything really, so why would it be a big deal for Yeonjun or him in particular?
“Are you even listening to me?” Yeonjun asked, noticing that Taehyun had mentally abandoned this conversation already.
“I am. And I have no idea why it would be a big deal,” Taehyun shrugged.
The older one sighed in frustration, clearly irritated by his friend’s indifference on this incredibly important matter.
“Taehyun, what if Y/N doesn’t have time to study with you anymore, because she rather spends time with Beomgyu? What if she starts studying with him instead? What if your study buddy is snatched by some imbecile like Beomgyu?!”
Good God. Yeonjun was very passionate about this. The exact opposite of his younger friend. Because Taehyun just pinched his nose with his fingers in frustration.
“Yeonjun, I don’t have time for your drama. I need to become a stripper now.”
That caught the older one off guard.
“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” he announced.
Yeonjun just looked at him wide-eyed, trying to understand what Taehyun meant by that. He was flabbergasted by the sudden change of topic, and he was even worse in deciphering his friend’s humor than you were.
I mean sure, why not? Taehyun wasn’t just incredibly smart, he was also pretty well built. It would be a surprising turn of events, but other questionable things have happened in your friend group already. So the possibility of Taehyun being serious was low, but not zero.
“My brother in Christ, I was just joking,” Taehyun revealed, putting a comforting hand on Yeonjun’s shoulder.
The older one’s mouth just formed an ‘o’ as realization dawned upon him that he shouldn’t have questioned Taehyun being serious in the first place.
“Choi Yeonjun!” you yelled, loud enough for it to be embarrassing for him.
Yeonjun flinched instantly, as if being caught committing a crime. A crime against your sacred time, that would be.
“Oh God, not the government name,” he mumbled under his breath, collecting his things in his arms to run after you.
Taehyun could just shake his head at his friend.
“He really is more dense than I thought,” he muttered.
Yeonjun made sure to let the car door thud extra loud when he slipped into the passenger’s seat, earning a dirty look from you. You sighed heavily when you switched on the ignition, the engine roaring to life. You closed your eyes to rub your temples when you spoke.
“You know what, I’m gonna save myself the nagging today to protect my mental health.”
You exhaled, disappointment evident in your voice. But your curiosity ultimately got the best of you.
“What could possibly be this important to discuss with Taehyun?”
“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know,” Yeonjun chimed as his seatbelt clicked into its lock.
You gave him a dry look. Yeah, he was definitely up to something. You had known him long enough.
“What are you planning again?”
You weren’t sure if you wanted to know the answer. Yeonjun just wiggled his eyebrows.
“You will find out soon enough.”
You knew this was a bad idea. You knew you might be overstepping a line. But your heart pulled you towards Beomgyu the moment he had asked if you wanted to hang out.
It wasn’t planned. His fingers typed faster than his mind could catch up, and he regretted hitting send the moment his message appeared as read.
Beomgyu had been restless after his birthday. Restless because he had never been this close to blurring the line between friendship and something else with you. And his desire had been driving him towards it even more ever since.
No wonder his breath hitched the moment he opened the door to greet you. No wonder his gaze lingered a beat longer than usual. No wonder he wanted to drown in the sound of your laugh after he cracked a stupid joke.
It wasn’t your first movie night, it was one of countless events you shared over the course of your friendship. When there was a big release, your whole friend group would assemble like the Avengers at Beomgyu’s or Heeseung’s apartment with snacks, drinks and a vibe.
But apart from big releases like another Marvel blockbuster, your tastes varied too much. Beomgyu and you enjoyed similar kinds of movies, so you had one on one movie nights from time to time.
It had never been anything serious. Not until now.
Which is why you should have kept your distance after what had transpired in his apartment the last time you were there. You should have taken time to sort your mind, outline your next move. But all of those plans went out the window the moment your phone buzzed with a message from Beomgyu.
Without a second thought, you had agreed. Your decision only weighed down on you when you met his eyes after he opened the door to you, your heart skipping a beat.
His heart did something weird as well, and he tried to ignore it the best he could. He beckoned you in, gaze following you intently as you shimmied out of your jacket and shoes.
You were nervous, not only because of the tension between you. To make matters worse, Beomgyu had picked a goddamn horror movie to watch.
You weren’t the biggest fan of horror movies, but you were always kindly forced to watch them. When it’s in a bigger group, it wasn’t a big deal, as most of you talked over the movie anyway, pointing out how stupid the characters were.
But smaller movie nights were more quiet and therefore more tense. Beomgyu always had to beg you to watch some with him, whining until you agreed. You always made sure to roll your eyes especially hard at him when he celebrated as if he had won the lottery.
There were so many movies you both liked, so why would he always try to get you to watch the one genre you didn’t enjoy? Couldn’t he just call Taehyun? He probably wouldn’t react at all, but at least he would survive without God knows how many almost-heart-attacks.
This time Beomgyu didn’t have much convincing to do, though. The question if you wanted to spend time with him was enough for you to fold, and he was slightly surprised by your initiative as well.
Not that he minded. He was scared you would cancel on him, not only because it was yet another horror film he begged you to watch with him, but also because he didn’t know what was happening between you since you were mere inches from kissing only a few days ago.
Something in him wanted to find out. And that something got the best of him, typing away in your chat. And now you were here, and his heartrate was at an alarming pace.
He tried to play it cool, like he always did, hiding the clammy hands and resisting the urge to scratch his neck, something that always gave away his nervousness. You wouldn’t have paid attention though, since you were similarly tense.
It was like you were tiptoeing around each other in a game of chess. One wrong move, and your piece would fall. So you wavered, being more soft-spoken than usual. Beomgyu attempted to reassure you that the movie wasn’t going to be that scary, but you knew better than that.
He always said that the movie he picked wouldn’t be that bad, only to send you into a series of nightmares afterwards. Beomgyu could only do so much but laugh at the way you freaked out over each jump scare, perfectly distracting him from the fact that he got scared as well. You were too busy trying to survive to notice.
And this time would be no different. The movie started slow, kind of boring, as always. You sat with a deliberate space between you on the couch, a bowl of popcorn carefully placed in the middle like an invisible line not to be crossed.
However, when the first jump scare hit, you thanked the Gods for not throwing the whole bowl in the air. Beomgyu broke out into a laugh next to you, teasing you about how much of a scaredy-cat you are. The scene wasn’t even that frightening, he argued.
You tried your best to ignore him, only shooting him a side-eye. But the movie only turned darker from there and Beomgyu had to save the popcorn before you were tipping it over, all while making fun of you.
It felt natural, like there wasn’t something unspoken between you, like there wasn’t a big fat elephant in the room no one dared to address. But with the bowl gone between you, every scary scene moved you closer to him.
Towards the end of the movie, you felt your arms touch, yet none of you reacted to it. Your eyes stayed focused on the screen, trying to calm your breathing, but another jump scare made those plans worthless.
You yelped in fear and buried your face into Beomgyu’s shoulder, making him jolt too. You groaned in annoyance, mumbling something about how you hated horror movies and why he keeps convincing you to watch them.
Beomgyu could only chuckle in response, making you groan once more. Luckily, the movie ended shortly after. The credits began to roll, yet you didn’t dare look at the screen, keeping your face buried into your friend’s shoulder instead.
“Come on, you can look. It’s over,” he nudged you playfully, the delight evident in his voice.
You lifted your head slightly, wearing the most irritated expression you could muster. You wanted to wipe that lopsided smile off his face again.
“I will never watch something like that again,” you announced with a shake of your head. Beomgyu’s beam only spread wider at that.
“Hey, this is so much better than those stupid rom-coms Chaewon and you like to watch,” he argued, shrugging. You gave him a pointed look.
You remembered the time you made him watch Bridget Jones’ Diary with Chaewon and you after losing a bet. While you girls were freaking out over the movie (and Daniel Cleaver in particular), Beomgyu only pulled a mildly disgusted face. Cue a chaotic discussion afterwards that had you throw pillows after him.
“Rom-coms are comforting at least. This,” you gestured wildly to the screen, grimacing, “certainly isn’t.”
Beomgyu tapped his chin with his finger, as if he was thinking.
“Hm, I don’t know. Seeing you scared like that is quite comforting to me,” he joked, but before he could see your reaction, a pillow was smacked into his face.
It almost sent him flying, but you didn’t care. The moment the pillow dropped from his face, you could see his gaze turning dark. The challenge was on.
“Oh, you want to get into a fight now, huh?” he said, slowly grabbing the pillow from his lap and angling it for revenge.
“Maybe,” you challenged, getting another pillow ready.
That was all it took for his pillows to be smacked against each other, breaking into the most childish fight. You loved every second of it, because of how easy it felt. Beomgyu was always up for stupid shit like this, and it revived your inner child.
In an inattentive moment, Beomgyu managed to snatch your pillow from you, yanking it to the other side of the room. He underestimated you, though, as you managed to grab his own pillow only a minute later, sticking your tongue out in the process.
Beomgyu had to use his secret weapon. Without a second thought, he lunged towards you, fingers finding the side of your waist as he started tickling you relentlessly.
That was the recipe to make you break, as you jolted from the contact, breathless laughter filling the air. You struggled against him, finally reaching his own soft spot and digging your fingers into it. He jumped at that, whining at you to stop.
You strived to overpower each other, but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t get yourself to perform a finishing move, nor could you stop. Your limbs flailed uncontrollably as you tried to contain your reactions, but to no avail. When you realized the pointlessness of the situation, you raised your arms in the air defensively.
“Okay, truce!” you huffed breathlessly.
Thankfully, Beomgyu was similarly exhausted, as he accepted your offer, his hands finding the couch to stabilize himself on top of you.
Some time passed as you tried to catch your breaths, pearls of sweat forming at your temples from the distress. Your head was turned to the side, noticing how the credits had stopped rolling and the music had stopped playing by now, sending the room into total silence.
“We are so childish,” you heard yourself say, and Beomgyu let out a scoff at that, dropping his head to take another deep breath.
It was at that moment that you realized what position you were in. At any other time, you wouldn’t have thought much of it. Beomgyu and you weren’t scared of physical contact, especially not when play-fighting like this.
But not when you were in the process of overstepping a line.
Beomgyu raised his head to meet your gaze, his eyes dark and unreadable. He bit his lip, as if contemplating his next move. You didn’t break eye contact, you couldn’t. Not when his eyes looked all too inviting, so deep you wanted to take a dive.
The energy in the room suddenly shifted. The seconds stretched thin between you, and you wondered if your heart slammed loud enough against your ribcage for him to hear. The tension was so thick it could be cut with a knife, and when he opened his mouth to speak you hung onto his every word.
"God, I really want to kiss you right now."
You gulped nervously at that, because what he had said mimicked your thoughts. For some weird reason, you searched his face for any lack of seriousness, just like you had when he mentioned kissing you the very first time on New Year’s Eve.
And just like last time, there was no crack in his composure. Beomgyu seemed totally, utterly serious about this. So the goosebumps rising on your skin were a given.
"Didn't you say it was just a one-time thing?" your voice was strained, trying one last time to save yourself from sinking too deep, desperately clinging to your last thread of sanity. But Beomgyu had other plans.
"Maybe I don't want it to be a one-time thing anymore,” he confessed, breaking eye contact since he was scared of your reaction.
Your brain short-circuited at his bluntness. Beomgyu could be pretty straightforward, but his honesty still threw you off guard. Because he was basically speaking your mind.
But he didn’t know that. And the lack of reaction made his impatience grow, so he decided to finally meet your gaze. He needed an answer. He needed it right now.
Another beat of silence passed.
"No," you whispered as if it was a sin. And maybe it was.
So deem Beomgyu a sinner too the way his eyes turned several shades darker upon hearing exactly the word he had hoped to hear.
You were like a storm in his sky, the events of New Year's Eve striking him like lightning and now he was waiting for the thunder to crash over him, destroying him completely.
Which is why the moment he heard this one word slip from your tongue like a siren’s call, his heart stopped. His hand moved on its own, ghosting over your cheek. His touch was burning you but you melted into him regardless.
His thumb brushed over your lower lip slowly, carefully, as if you were the most fragile thing ever under his touch. The gesture felt so intimate that you could swear your heart was beating out of your chest.
He couldn't stop himself, closing the gap between you two like he was dying to do so. And when his lips found yours for the second time, it was fireworks all over again.
That’s when the chaos really began.
Beomgyu’s lips had found yours a second time, so what would stop him from doing it a third time? It was the second time he had initiated a kiss. The second time he had closed the gap between you. The second time he had made your stomach turn in excitement.
But then again, it was the second time you had agreed to the kiss. The second time you had let him close the gap. The second time you had let your heart speak instead of your head.
You were both responsible. Both at fault for giving in. And you wondered if it was a mistake, just like the first kiss was. That’s what you told yourself it was, at least. A mistake.
But one mistake led to another, as his lips found yours again in a moment of quiet desperation. One kiss hadn’t been enough, and another one only ignited the fire more. No matter how hard you tried to deny it, you gravitated towards him like a magnet every time. And he did the exact same.
You two were starting to play a wicked game, living a two-faced relationship depending on the situation. Whenever you were with your friends, everything would be normal. But the moment the door closed behind you, his mouth was on yours more often than not, searching for answers.
You didn’t mind, because you were searching for them yourself. So naturally, you were playing your part perfectly, acting like nothing had ever happened between you that would blur the line between friendship and more.
You craved being with him even more than before, though. It was like an imaginary rope had tied you two together, you just couldn’t stay away. Whenever he suggested a hangout, you agreed before your mind could tell you otherwise.
He wasn’t any better. The moment you asked for his attention he caved, making his way to you. The whole situation spiraled out of control as your mind clocked out completely once you locked eyes with him. You just went with the flow, not even questioning where this was leading at first.
Weeks had passed like this and after a while, the kisses weren’t enough, no matter how intense. After a while, the soft, featherlight touches turned bolder, reached further, explored deeper. You started melting into each other, your limbs becoming as tangled as your hearts. And it terrified you how good it felt. How right it felt.
Beomgyu had infiltrated not only your heart, but also your head like a virus. He had become a regular in your mind, had you always wondering what he was up to and when you’ll see each other again.
But he was also stuck in your head because the more time passed, the more you started to question where this was supposed to go. While playing the game, you wondered what you were playing for at all. Why were you going along with all of it in the first place?
You liked being around him, yes. You liked to kiss him, also yes. But why would you stay dead silent about it all? Why would you pretend that you were still nothing more than friends while continuously crossing the line? When you were with him, all those thoughts disappeared into thin air. But once you parted from him, the doubt began to crawl back into your brain. And the longer you stayed apart, the worse it got.
It had been a few days of radio silence as you were busy decluttering your apartment, something that was long overdue. Yunjin had offered to help, as she was less materialistic than you. She was there to talk some sense into you when you wanted to keep stuff you didn’t need. She was also there because she was nosy and wanted to know what stuff hides inside your cabinets.
That wasn’t the only thing she was curious about, though.
“Mind telling me what’s going on between you and Beomgyu?” she quipped, flipping through an old magazine from your drawer.
You had been sprawled across your bed taking a break, an open bag of chips scattered around in a way that made you question if you were really going to sleep in this mess tonight. Her question made your blood run cold.
“What do you mean?” you tried to deflect, sitting up to meet her eyes.
“Do you think I’m stupid? Something has been weird about you two for a while now,” she cut back.
You sighed deeply. Should you tell her? What point was there in lying? She had already caught up, and you feared the others might have done so too.
To be honest, it had been slowly driving you insane to keep a secret like this. You wanted someone else’s opinion, but you didn’t want to be judged. After all, you were messing around with your best friend in a way that was undeniably not platonic at all. And all that after the break-up of a lifetime.
So really, would Yunjin be of any help?
“Uhm… well, we kissed on New Year’s Eve…” you trailed off, avoiding her gaze.
You ultimately decided to drop the bomb, taking the risk of her lecturing you like a teacher. But she didn’t.
"Oh, I knew," she said matter-of-factly. You just blinked at her.
"Yeah, I actually saw you kiss on New Year's Eve."
Yunjin was going mad and she started blaming the alcohol. Maybe she should’ve drunk less, considering her coordination was slightly off. But she was keen to find Beomgyu and you before the clock struck midnight.
She wobbled around the house in slight panic, checking every room and barging into some embarrassing situations. She needed to cleanse her eyes after that, that’s for sure. But you were nowhere to be seen.
Yunjin muttered something incoherent under her breath when the countdown bled through her ears, and she was close to admitting her defeat when the room around her erupted in cheers. That was until she looked out onto the balcony, and her heart stopped.
There you guys were, in your familiar fashion. But there you guys were, in a very unfamiliar position.
Your lips were touching. Right in front of her. For a moment, she thought she was hallucinating it all. She cursed the cocktails Kai had given her, because they made her question her reality.
But rubbing her eyes did nothing but make the image even sharper. You guys were kissing. Her jaw was quite literally on the floor. How the hell did that happen?
Yunjin snapped out of her daze once you guys parted, and the confusion was evident on her face. But her attention was quickly diverted to Chaewon yelling after her.
“Girl, how dare you missed the countdown!!! Where are the others?!” she exclaimed, trying to overpower the deafening bass roaring through the walls.
Before Yunjin could string together a response, Chaewon caught sight of you. Unlike her friend, she didn’t question anything, being way too intoxicated to care about how close you still were. She pushed past Yunjin in an instant, hands finding the door.
“There you are! Happy New Year guys!!”
In her misery, Yunjin decided to act like nothing happened.
"And you didn't say anything?" you gasped, wide-eyed.
“Honestly, I thought you guys were just way too drunk. You didn’t seem off about it at first, so I thought you didn’t remember and decided not to ask. But shit’s been getting strange lately. What’s going on?”
“I wish I knew… He kissed me because I was sad that I couldn’t get my traditional New Year’s Eve kiss from Jay anymore. We promised it would be a one-time thing and that we would never bring it up again. But things have been… different. I don’t know…”
“It’s like he’s pulling me in and then pushing me away again. Most of the time it’s like nothing has changed and we’re just friends, but when it’s just us he’s treating me like I’m more than just a friend. It starts to give me a headache,” you explained carefully, rubbing your temple in frustration.
You were walking on eggshells with him, tiptoeing between crossing the line and not daring to come near it at all. And while you wouldn’t want to change a thing, it just kept making you question his intentions. And your own, for that matter.
Yunjin gnawed on her lip, contemplating different scenarios. She narrowed her eyes at you slowly, and you felt your heart sink into your stomach. It seemed like she was about to ask a question she already knew the answer to.
“Have you kissed him again after New Year’s Eve?”
Your eyes grew wide once more. You had the opportunity to lie, to not make this a bigger deal. But for one, you were a terrible liar. Secondly, Yunjin could tell the answer from your reaction already. It wasn’t just kissing, it was more. Her eyes grew just as wide as yours.
“Oh my God, don’t tell me you slept with him too?!”
“Yunjin,” you whined in defeat.
“Y/N in a situationship? With Beomgyu? Man I never expected that to happen,” Yunjin clutched her chest dramatically.
You could all but drop your head into your hands.
“What am I supposed to do?”
Yunjin bit her lip, before shrugging with a smile. As if any of this was easy.
“Talk to him. You’re good at communicating anyway.”
Oh hell no. You weren’t good at communicating anymore after ripping out your own hair to figure out what was wrong with Jay and how you could fix it. That had scarred all clear communication for you.
“This is different. Talking about feelings isn’t as easy,” you argued, raising your head from your hands again.
“Well, how do you feel about him?”
“I don’t know. It’s confusing.”
Truth be told, you weren’t just unsure about your own feelings. You were also unsure about his. Because what if, after all that had transpired, he figured he wouldn't want anything serious? You two had dodged this topic like a bullet. So really, how would you know? Maybe he just wanted this weird in-between?
Beomgyu usually felt deeper than that, he never had situationships, at least none that you know of. His last relationship had ended two years ago, and after that his dating life was dry, except for this crush on Ahn Yujin.
He didn’t give you a reason to doubt him other than avoiding to talk about what is going on between you like a plague.
But you couldn’t blame him. It has always been difficult for him to open up emotionally. You remembered the time he fancied Yujin, how he could talk to anyone else about how much he liked her but the girl in question. And when he finally did, it was too late. Yujin had waited a long time, had given him enough chances. But he was a coward. So really, what hope was there for you anyway?
The whole ordeal was even worse because Yeonjun had thrown a bait for him back then, whispering to Yujin that his friend liked her. Her hopes were raised, since she also found him cute, and Yeonjun’s big reveal hadn’t made this any better for them. In fact, it made everything worse.
While thinking about all of this, something suddenly crossed your mind. Oh no.
“Can you do me a favor?” you asked hastily, eyes wide and bothered.
“Sure,” Yunjin was alarmed by your sudden change in demeanor.
“Whatever you do, don’t tell Yeonjun about this.”
“Hi. Is Beomgyu here?” you said cheerily upon jogging into the coffee shop. Soobin just gave you a scoff in response.
“I can make you your favorite drink too, you know?” he threw at you, slightly appalled.
“Yes, I know. But that doesn’t answer my question,” you said, smiling triumphantly.
“I’ll go get him,” Soobin said flatly, disappearing in the back.
You tapped your fingers on the counter impatiently, the tapping probably in line with your pounding heart. It had happened way more lately, and once you started to notice you would always focus on it whenever he was around. The anticipation to see him grew with every meeting, and you wondered if he was as excited to see you.
Well, judging from the richness in his gaze, he was. But you told yourself you were just imagining things when he slipped out from the back, eyes immediately finding yours.
“Hey,” he said, a soft smile decorating his face.
“Hi,” you smiled back like a lovestruck teenager.
“I got news,” you began, and Beomgyu’s eyes lit up in curiosity as he urged you to continue.
“Remember the presale I entered?”
“Well, what can I say? Those concert tickets are mine,” you smacked your lips in satisfaction, drinking in his response.
Beomgyu’s eyes almost popped out of his sockets, a small no way slipping past his lips as he rounded the counter in no time, almost knocking you over when he screeched in excitement. Soobin could only blink at the situation unfolding in front of him. Beomgyu acted like you picked every star from the sky for him, and his older co-worker had to suppress his gag reflex witnessing this sudden outburst of joy.
What he didn’t know, you had just secured concert tickets for one of Beomgyu’s favorite artists. He didn’t have the chance to see them in concert yet, something he so desperately wanted to experience. But you had just made his wish come true. You also liked their music, and since you seem to have a lucky hand with ticket sales you offered to give it a go. That way, Beomgyu didn’t need to try with the crusty wi-fi from the coffee shop. That would have been a disaster anyway.
“Y/N, you truly are the best,” he beamed at you, eyes shimmering with excitement.
“I do what I can,” you grinned proudly, shrugging.
You didn’t know he was still holding you, and once you noticed Soobin’s eyes on you, you peeled yourself from him awkwardly. Thank God the shop was almost empty aside from the usual study sessions going on in the back.
“I’ll make you your favorite drink. And no funny business this time, I promise,” he said giddily, and before you could protest he bolted behind the counter again.
“Make that two!” you heard from behind you.
Before you could register who it was, you were pulled into a headlock, your hair being ruffled while you tried to wiggle out of Hueningkai’s hold.
“Stop, you’re ruining my hair!” you cried out, but he didn’t seem to care. Kai pulled out his usual slightly manic laugh, jolting when you found a way to pinch his hip.
He yelped in surprise, letting go of you as you shoved him slightly, mood killed just as your hairstyle was. You let out an annoyed huff, trying to fix whatever was left of it, but it was to no avail. Kai just shook his head, amused.
“You won’t need nice hair where we’re going,” he declared, standing tall and proud.
“Yeah? And where would that be?” Soobin asked, brows drawing together in interest.
“The gym,” you announced, knowing full well what kind of reaction that would draw from your friends behind the counter.
“The gym?!” Soobin and Beomgyu echoed in a choir, exchanging confused glances.
Kai just chuckled awkwardly, switching his balance from one foot to the other, that confident stance instantly replaced with a nervous one.
“He lost a bet to Taehyun,” you explained, a devilish smile dancing on your lips. This was going to be a sight to see.
“Don’t tell me he has to do Taehyun’s workout routine,” Soobin requested to know while mixing Kai’s drink, his tone surprisingly amused all of a sudden.
Kai and you nodded in unison, but your expressions couldn’t be any more different. Beomgyu gasped again, today was full of shocking news for sure.
“Jesus, good luck to you, you will need it.” He tried to look empathetic, but the curve of his lips was slightly malicious at the edges.
Kai closed his eyes and smiled, but his face looked like it was in pain. Well, it definitely will be very soon.
“And why are you joining them?” Soobin interrogated further, pointing an accusatory finger in your direction.
“For emotional support. And I can’t possibly miss out on this,” you proclaimed, the smirk only growing deeper the more you thought about it.
Soobin nodded understandingly.
“Send us pictures of how it’s going,” he suggested, sliding your drink across the counter after Beomgyu had handed it to him to put a lid on.
“Will do,” you smacked your lips together in content once more, grabbing the drink.
“And you, please try to survive,” Soobin said as he shifted his attention towards Kai.
“Text me that you did afterwards,” he demanded, sliding the younger one’s drink over to him as well.
Beomgyu just stood next to Soobin and enjoyed what was happening in front of him. Kai looked like he was going through all stages of grief right now, dreading Taehyun’s mighty workout routine.
The regret was evident. Why did he sign up to this stupid bet anyway? No one knows. But he learned his lesson, that’s for sure.
“Alright then, we’re off. Thanks for the drink!”
With that, you swept towards the door, dragging Hueningkai with you, who feared his upcoming workout more with every passing second. Beomgyu’s eyes followed your every move as you scattered out of the shop with Kai, smiling to himself like an idiot.
“Careful, you’re stepping into dangerous territory here,” Soobin’s voice shook him out of his trance, but his gaze was still locked onto your disappearing figure.
“What do you mean?” he asked almost absentmindedly.
“I know that look from you,” Soobin said.
That finally caught Beomgyu’s attention, as the younger one locked eyes with his friend, a frown decorating his face.
“And what look would that be?” he questioned.
“The look you give someone when you’re in too deep.”
Beomgyu was taken aback by that. It instantly catapulted him back to one of his past conversations with Soobin, one that he kept locked in his little vault of memories because of how astonished he was by Soobin’s attentiveness. They had conversed about Beomgyu’s now ex-girlfriend then, when they had just started going out.
“One can really tell how whipped you are for her, you know?” Soobin said, munching away on his fried chicken.
Beomgyu was about to devour a piece of his own when Soobin’s observation startled him. He looked up from his food, studying Soobin’s expression. But like always, his older friend was as nonchalant as can be.
“What do you mean?” He had asked the same question back then as well.
“The way you look at her. You’re in really deep, aren’t you?”
Beomgyu blushed at that, his gaze dropping to his food.
“I’m really not as calm and collected about this as I want to be,” he admitted, taking a soul-healing bite.
The younger one nodded at that, the thought making him giddy, but he would never admit that.
“Just try not to fuck it up,” Soobin added, stuffing his mouth with another piece of chicken. It was an unflattering sight, actually. Beomgyu was quick to reply though.
His friend couldn’t help but scoff at that.
Beomgyu was annoyed by his friend’s lack of consensus. Yes, he was a fool, a complete idiot even, but if he knew one thing, it’s that he was serious about this. He wouldn’t want to fuck it up at all costs.
It didn’t work out in the end, but it wasn’t because Beomgyu fucked up. It was a mutual agreement that they weren’t a match. And he took that over drama any day. He had always pitied the friends who had movie-worthy break-ups, wondering if he would even manage to overcome something similar. Probably not.
Beomgyu had become lost while reminiscing about the past, and he was only brought back to reality when he noticed Soobin’s expecting glance. His first instinct was to reply just like he did back then.
Beomgyu did in fact not have the slightest idea what he was doing. He was just doing what felt right to him, and right now that was chasing your lips. Basking in your attention. Stealing glances. Glances that wouldn’t be noticed by anyone except Soobin anyway. And— oh.
Suddenly, a thought overcame him. A thought that made him still his movements and gulp nervously. Soobin, of course, was quick to notice and shot him a questioning look. He was about to say something himself, maybe reciting the same sentence from three years ago too, but offered Beomgyu to take the initiative instead.
"Wait, does Yeonjun know?” Beomgyu sounded alarmed.
“Really? That’s what you’re worried about right now?” Soobin couldn’t help but laugh. But his friend was adamant and deadly serious.
“If Yeonjun knows, everybody does.”
And indeed, Yeonjun wasn’t a quitter. He needed to find out if he was hallucinating, or if others noticed a shift in Beomgyu’s behavior towards you too.
Taehyun didn’t believe him, but when was he ever cooperative in the first place? No, he had to lay his trust in someone else. Someone tall. Someone moody. Someone with no talent in cooking or baking. Whatever that has to do with anything.
A few days had passed between Soobin confronting Beomgyu about his obvious heart eyes for you and Yeonjun stomping into the coffee shop like it was his own personal runway. If one thing was certain, it was that Yeonjun would always get an eye-roll out of Soobin. The satisfactory smirk whenever he succeeded was almost venomous.
“Remind me why I’m friends with you again?”
“Wow, what a way to greet me you ray of sunshine,” Yeonjun retorted, his smile not faltering in the slightest.
Yeonjun raised his brows slightly. He really had caught the moodiest Soobin of them all. Quite frankly, he didn’t care though. His pursuit was way more important than any mood swing from his taller friend.
“Hear me out. Beomgyu and Y/N are totally dating. And I have proof,” Yeonjun began, elaborating on his conclusions and sharing his observations.
Soobin was impressed that Yeonjun actually had observations to share and it wasn’t just luck like every other time. Usually, Yeonjun was nothing but a nosy person who either overheard stuff by accident or got told things that he shouldn’t know in the first place. It wasn’t that he was particularly observant or anything, he just happened to be at the right place at the right time or someone was blurting things to him that were supposed to remain a secret.
So really, the fact he had a whole presentation ready for Soobin was amazing. And it surprised him that Yeonjun caught up with it just like he did. But Beomgyu’s words rang in his ears, and he knew better than to throw his friend under the bus.
“Why are you being so stubborn about it?” he threw in randomly, interrupting Yeonjun’s lecture.
“Man, that’s the gossip of the century. Jay’s ex hooking up with Jay’s best friend? That’s literally insane. Like, actually headline-worthy.”
“Jesus, get a grip,” Soobin groaned.
“So what, you aren’t believing me?”
“No. Can you get out of my line of sight now?”
Yeonjun raised a quizzical brow at his friend. Great, another person who wouldn’t take him seriously. He was so sure about it (and honestly, he really wasn’t far off, good for him!), but he didn’t have solid proof. The fact that all his friends deemed him stupid did hurt his pride a little, too. There was one thing he still got out of it, though.
“Am I annoying you that much?”
“Good, mission accomplished.”
Beomgyu jumped from the sudden ring of his bell. He didn’t expect anyone, and people usually didn’t show up unannounced. For a moment, he was about to ignore it, but curiosity got the best of him as he shuffled towards the door.
Seeing you on the other side certainly was the last scenario he had painted in his mind. Heeseung was the type to randomly show up at his door. Or a neighbor that wanted to pick up a parcel that Beomgyu hadn’t accepted in the first place. But you would never show up without prior notice.
And the look you wore made Beomgyu shiver. Because the moment you met his eyes, he knew something had happened. It wasn’t the soft, warm look you always wore around him, it was a distant, cold one.
“Hey,” Beomgyu said breathlessly, his mind running extra miles to figure out what could have brought you here with such an expression.
“Can I come in?” you said, drained of every emotion.
“Of course,” he said, stepping aside to let you pass.
Within a few seconds, he had become incredibly nervous by your demeanor. The moment the door clicked shut behind him, he had to ask.
“Is everything alright?” Obviously not.
You stood there, back still turned to him, breathing unevenly. This was hard. You had practiced so much at home, you pretty much perfected the entire conversation you were about to have. But the moment your eyes met, it all went out the window again and you panicked.
“Beomgyu…” you started, slowly turning to your side to face him.
He studied your face, confusion written over his own, his hands stiff as his knuckles turned white under the pressure.
“...I think we should stop.”
Your words felt like a slap. He knew exactly what you meant, but he was hoping he had just misunderstood. Misinterpreted your words. Twisted them despite knowing that you wouldn’t speak in riddles like that.
“What do you mean?” he had to confirm.
“We shouldn’t see each other… like this… for a while.”
“Why?” he blurted almost immediately, knowing damn well that he would regret asking, because no answer would be satisfactory anyway.
You took a deep breath, the words feeling bitter on your tongue.
“I don’t think it’s good for us— for me. I need time to think.”
“How can you say that after acting completely different just a few days ago?” his voice was shaky, since he dreaded this moment more than anything.
“Because I realized that I can’t do this right now,” you tried to argue, but he didn’t seem to hear you when he hit you with the next question.
“Is it because you’re still hung up on Jay?” Beomgyu regretted his words the moment he uttered them.
Your gaze turned icy after the mention of that seemingly forbidden name. And Beomgyu knew he had overstepped a line. Again. Silence bloomed between you as he desperately tried to choke out an answer.
“Y/N…” he whispered like a spell, a prayer, his gaze holding something so unbelievably rich you had to focus not to dissolve in front of him.
You were slipping through his fingers, being swept away by an unnamed force and he didn’t know why it felt like the end of the world, but it did. You had him wrapped around your finger, unbeknownst to him how exactly you did it.
“I’m sorry, I just…” he began, a hand reaching out to cup your cheek.
You tried your hardest to resist the urge to melt into his touch like you always did, to stand your ground and not falter even though he had just asked something unforgivable and you wanted nothing more than to break down.
A few months ago, he would have never imagined this. Being so attached to you, needing you like this. Being so scared to lose you that he blurted something like this. He was horrified by how quickly he was overcome by his emotions, how his panic made him say things he instantly felt remorse for.
“I can’t let you go,” Beomgyu admitted, probably unaware of the chaos in your head, the destruction he left in its wake.
You knew what he meant. It wasn’t just about leaving his apartment. You knew that it had a deeper meaning, his voice holding something more serious. It wasn’t about this day, this hour, this minute. He couldn’t let you go at all.
“But you should,” you choked, voice breaking just like your self-control. It didn’t sound like an order, it sounded like a plea.
He shook his head slightly, tears welling up in his eyes, his gaze never leaving yours. You realized at that moment that you haven’t seen him cry for a long time. But he shattered. You had shattered him.
He tried to swallow the lump in his throat, hands shaking uncontrollably. His whole body was responding to your emotional thunderstorm, and it scared him how easily he wore his heart on his chest with you.
“You don’t mean that,” he uttered, trying to sound confident but his voice sounded as broken as his heart.
Your gaze betrayed you, because he was right. You didn’t mean that. You didn’t want him to let go, even if that was the rational thing to do right now. But feelings were never rational.
You broke apart from his touch in fear of caving in, taking a cautious step back. Beomgyu let his hand drop to his side, because he knew reaching out further would only make it worse.
You stood there in silence, the humming of his fridge paired with the rain outside being the only sound spreading through the apartment. Beomgyu searched your eyes for more answers, but you wouldn’t give him any, avoiding his gaze as you fidgeted with your hands. He shook his head once more.
“I really don’t get it. You don’t just hit the brakes out of nowhere. Why would you want to change things? Everything was going well,” he almost trailed off, asking the question more to himself than to you.
“Was everything going well?” you questioned with a slight scoff, your voice becoming firmer.
“Beomgyu, we keep lying to our friends and ourselves. We’re doing stuff and don’t know what for. Where is this even going?” you continued.
The atmosphere turned sour at that, as Beomgyu’s brows furrowed not in confusion, but anger.
“Why are you like this all of a sudden? It has never been an issue before, so why is it now?” he confronted, ignoring your question completely.
“It has always been an issue, actually!” your voice grew in volume now, “because we keep overstepping a line for no reason. We keep telling ourselves we’re friends when we’re clearly not!”
“Why wouldn’t we be friends?” Beomgyu’s fists curled again, his nails digging crescents into his skin. He raised his voice to match yours, frustration glossing over it.
You looked at him in disbelief. The next sentence came out calmer than expected.
“Friends don’t kiss. Friends don’t—” you stumbled over your words there, taking a deep breath, “friends don’t have sex. Friends don’t act like they’re in a relationship when they’re not.”
He couldn’t argue with that. He knew he couldn’t. Whatever you were, the label friends wouldn’t fit. But throwing all of it away? That’s what was bothering him. Because he started having a deja vu.
“So what, that’s it then? You’re just leaving me like this? Like Jay did?”
No matter what, the conversation always curved back to Jay. Maybe because his absence had thrown you into this mess in the first place. Maybe because abandonment like that never made you both heal after all.
You didn’t answer. Your teeth gritted in anger, swallowing the lump in your throat.
“Be honest, it’s about Jay, isn’t it?” he pressed.
He had regretted mentioning Jay before, but his anxiety got the best of him. His mouth spoke before his mind could stop him, uttering all the things he kept circling around but promised himself he would never mention in front of you. But it was his last desperate attempt at understanding you, understanding this situation.
Your first tear slipped at that, your lips quivering as betrayal hit you like a punch in the gut.
You knew you couldn’t blame him. Of course Jay had always been at the back of his mind. Jay was the one that broke the heart that Beomgyu so desperately tried to fix. And he didn’t know if he managed to do that in time before your friendship fell apart on New Year’s Eve. He didn’t know if he wasn’t just a rebound after all.
He tried to bury those thoughts as best as he could, but he couldn’t help but wonder if all of this was just a big fat lie. Which is why he never dared to take another step further, to seal the deal, to make you his. He never mentioned it because he was scared of rejection. And now that you’re actually rejecting him, he couldn’t help but panic, crying out all his insecurities.
You took another deep breath, the fury in your eyes still evident.
“This isn’t about Jay. It never was. It’s about us, Beomgyu. When will you finally get that into your damn head?!” your voice was laced in venom, not from malice, but from impatience, betrayal and lack of understanding.
With that, you stormed past him, beelining to the exit. You brushed his side, a sudden warmth engulfing it that made him snap out of his trance. But he was too late to react, only turning around when you were already half out the door.
“Y/N, wait—” he was cut off by the sound of his door slamming shut violently, making him jolt.
He kept staring at it for a solid minute, as if eyeing it long enough would make you magically reappear. His vision got blurry when he realized what kind of unforgivable things he had said. This conversation didn’t go the way he wanted to at all.
A conversation like that crossed his mind before, but nothing could prepare him for actually being confronted with you cutting him off like that. So naturally, Beomgyu’s mind replayed it for the next few days. He couldn’t sleep, because his mind was aching for an answer.
No matter how right you were with your statements, what he couldn’t wrap his head around was the sudden switch up. A few days earlier, you were excited to see him, craving his touch, laughing at his stupid jokes like you had so many times before. But when you showed up at his door, the look in your eyes almost mirrored regret.
He saw it in his dreams, whenever he looked in the mirror, even now that he was working at the cafe and a random customer showed up in front of him. A shadow of you clung to him like a lifeline, and it was driving him insane.
Every time the door opened, he wished that it was you. And at the same time, he feared that it was you. He was so conditioned to the little bell ringing whenever the door opened that goosebumps rose every time it did, because it could potentially be you. And he wouldn’t know how to act, how to hide his longing and conceal the mess in his head.
Little did he know, there was someone’s visit he should have dreaded even more.
Beomgyu was in the middle of wiping down the counter when that fateful bell rang again, announcing a new customer. His head jolted upwards, anticipating who had made an entrance. However, when he saw who was in front of him, he froze. Because one thing was for sure, he wasn’t ready for this specific person to show up out of the blue.
