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[cherriiblxssmriri]

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[cherriiblxssmriri]

white lotus chapter IV

The nightmares didn't care about the wisteria flowers.

They didn't care about the safe walls of the Butterfly Mansion or the warm soup Tanjiro brought me. The moment I closed my eyes, the dark took over, stretching out with long, splintered fingers. I was back in front of that door frame, the copper taste of blood heavy in my throat, the violent sound of a voice roaring at me until my ears bled. I was clawing at the wood, screaming for someone to make it stop, but no sound came out of my throat.

I snapped my eyes open, gasping for air.

My uniform was damp with cold sweat, clinging to my skin like a second layer of fear. My heart was hammering so hard against my ribs it felt like it was trying to break out. I sat up quickly, gripping the sheets until my knuckles popped.

Silence. The infirmary was completely still, drowned in the deep, blue shadows of the middle of the night.

I couldn't stay in that bed. The air felt too thick, suffocating me with the memory of the dream. I carefully swung my legs over the edge of the mattress. They still ached, a sharp twinge running through my calves, but the doctors had cleared me to walk short distances. I needed air. I needed to feel the cold night breeze to remind myself that I was actually alive.

Using the walls as a quiet guide, I limped out of the room, my bare feet making no sound against the polished wooden hallways.

The mansion looked entirely different at night. The golden warmth from the afternoon was gone, replaced by the pale, silver glow of the moon filtering through the open engawa. I made my way toward the training courtyard, hoping the chill would numb the lingering panic in my chest.

As I reached the wooden porch, the quiet was broken by a rhythmic, heavy thud.

Thwack. Thwack. Thwack.

I paused, pressing myself against the shadows of the wall. Someone was out there.

In the center of the moonlit courtyard, a massive silhouette was moving. It was Genya. He wasn't wearing his heavy purple haori, just a simple white training shirt that showed the thick muscles of his back and arms. He was swinging a heavy wooden sword, his movements intense, desperate, and completely exhausted. His hair was damp with sweat, his mohawk messy, and the jagged scar across his face caught the moonlight every time he turned.

Thwack.

He brought the sword down with a harsh grunt, his breath coming out in ragged, white puffs in the cool night air. He looked like he had been at it for hours. His shoulders were trembling from pure fatigue, but he raised the sword again, his dark eyes fixed on the empty air in front of him with a terrifying amount of pressure.

"If you keep going like that, your arms are going to drop off"

I said quietly, stepping out of the shadows 

Genya froze. His shoulders jumped, and he nearly dropped the wooden sword right onto his toes. He whipped his head around, his dark eyes wide with that same frantic panic from the hallway. But this time, he was too physically exhausted to bolt. His knees actually buckled slightly, and he had to lean against the wooden training dummy for support, panting heavily.

"Y-You..." 

he choked out, his voice incredibly rough and cracked from exertion. 

"What are you... why are you awake?"

"Nightmare"

I replied simply, walking over to the edge. The cool air felt amazing against my skin. 

"What's your excuse? It looks like you're trying to kill that wooden pole."

Genya looked down at the sword in his hands, then at the floor, his fist tightening around the grip as he let out a long, defeated sigh that sounded like it came from the very bottom of his chest. He looked completely drained.

"I need to get stronger" 

he muttered to the dirt, his tough exterior melting away into pure fatigue. 

He slowly walked over me, keeping a careful, hesitant distance between us, and slumped down against one of the wooden pillars. He let his head fall back, staring up at the moon. 

"I don't have time to sleep. If I don't get stronger... I'm useless."

I watched him from the corner of my eye. Without the angry glare and the defensive shouting, he just looked like a boy carrying a mountain on his back. A boy who was running on empty, trying to outrun his own ghosts.

"Who told you that?" 

I asked, my voice dropping into a soft, careful tone. 

"That you're useless?"

Genya flinched, his jaw clenching tightly. For a second, I thought he was going to snap at me, to tell me to mind my own business. But he just closed his eyes, his large chest heaving as he caught his breath.

"Nobody had to tell me" 

he whispered, and the sheer loneliness in his voice made my chest tighten. 

"I already know it. I'm the only one who can't... I can't even use Breaths. I'm a joke compared to the others. But I have to make him look at me. I have to prove to him that I can do this."

Him...

I wondered who he was talking about. His father? a hashira maybe?  Whoever it was, they must have been a monster to make a guy this big look so small.

"Sounds exhausting" 

I said, leaning my head back against the pillar behind me. 

"Trying to live for someone else's eyes. Trying to prove you deserve to exist."

Genya opened his eyes, turning his head to look at me. He stared at me through the moonlight, his dark eyes searching my face as if I had just spoken to him in a language only the two of us understood.

"You..." 

he stammered softly, his fists loosening at his sides. 

"How do you..."

"I know the feeling" 

I interrupted quietly, staring out at the dark courtyard. 

"Thinking that if you aren't perfect, or useful, or strong, you're just a burden. Thinking that people only tolerate you because they haven't seen how messed up you are yet."

The courtyard fell into a heavy, quiet stillness. But it wasn't the suffocating silence from before.

Genya didn't say anything for a long time. He just sat there, his large frame relaxed against the wood, his breathing finally slowing down to a normal pace. The frantic panic he usually had around girls seemed to have evaporated, drowned out by the quiet understanding between us.

"I'm not trying to be perfect" 

he murmured after a while, his voice softer than I thought possible for someone his size. 

"I just... I just want to apologize. I want to tell him I'm sorry."

"Then survive long enough to do it" 

I said, turning my head to look at him. 

"You won't be able to say anything if you drop dead from exhaustion in the middle of the night."

A tiny, almost invisible shift happened on Genya's face. The harsh lines of his scar softened, and for a split second, the corners of his mouth twitched upward in something that looked like a tired, relieved smile.

"Yeah" 

he muttered, looking down at his calloused hands. 

"Maybe you're right."

He slowly stood up, his joints popping loudly from the hours of training. He picked up his wooden sword, his movements slow and heavy with sleep. He looked at me one last time, his dark eyes lingering on my face without the terrifying glare, just a quiet, exhausted respect.

"You should get some rest too" 

he said, his voice dropping into a low, gruff rumble. 

"Y/n."

Before I could answer, he turned and walked away, his heavy footsteps fading into the dark corridors of the mansion.

I stayed on the porch for a little longer, watching the silver moonlight dance on the dirt where he had been standing. My heart wasn't hammering anymore. The panic from the nightmare had completely faded, replaced by the quiet, lingering echo of his voice.

[cherriiblxssmriri]

white lotus chapter III

The first thing I felt this time wasn't the silence, but a pair of eyes digging into my skull.

It was early. The kind of early where the sun is just a pale promise on the horizon, filtering through the windows in thin, dusty beams. I felt heavy, my legs aching with a dull, throbbing pain beneath the bandages, but the warmth from the night before was still there, anchoring me down.

Then I remembered the "warmth."

I looked down. Inosuke was still there, but he wasn't sleeping anymore. He was sitting on the edge of my bed, his boar mask resting on the floor beside his feet, staring at me with those unnervingly large, bright green eyes. He didn't move. He didn't blink. He just... watched me, like I was some kind of strange creature that had invaded his territory while he was asleep.

"Uh... good morning?" 

I croaked, my voice still thick and scratchy from sleep.

He jumped back so fast his heels hit the wooden floor. He stood there, puffing out his chest and throwing his head back, looking caught between wanting to pick a fight and wanting to bolt straight out the sliding door.

"You're awake, underling No. 4!" 

he barked, though he kept his voice surprisingly low for his usual ear-splitting standards. 

"I was just... checking if you were still breathing! A King must oversee his subjects to make sure they don't rot!"

I couldn't help it. A tired chuckle escaped my lips as I pulled the blankets up to my chin, trying to hide the small smile forming on my face. 

"Sure you were. You definitely weren't using me as a mattress all night."

His face turned a furious shade of pink that rivaled Mitsuri's hair from yesterday. 

"SHUT UP! IT WAS STRATEGIC POSITIONING! Underlings are supposed to keep the King warm!"

Before I could reply, he grabbed his boar mask, shoved it back over his head with a rough tug, and pointed a dramatic finger at me. 

"The yellow coward and Kentaro are already awake! We are going to consume food! You will follow me, underling!"

"It's Tanjiro..." 

I muttered under my breath, but he was already storming out of the room, his bare feet slapping against the tatami mats.

Getting out of bed was a nightmare. The moment my feet touched the floor, a sharp sting shot up my legs, a brutal reminder of whatever hell I had survived before waking up here. I stumbled, my fingers instantly clawing at the wooden bedframe for support. The wood felt cold against my palm. For a split second, my mind went blank. 

the memory of a door frame, the feeling of little wooden shards scratching into my skin, the sound of screaming.

I shook my head violently, trying to force the panic back down into the dark corners of my mind.

Not now. Just breathe.

I managed to limp my way out of the infirmary, using the walls as a crutch. The hallway smelled like tatami and old wood, mixed with the faint, medicinal scent of wisteria. As i reached the kitchen, the quiet was completely shattered by a familiar, high pitched shriek.

"INOSUKE! THAT WAS MY TAMAGOYAKI! TANJIRO, TELL HIM TO STOP! HE'S A MONSTER, A DEMON IN DISGUISE, HE'S GONNA EAT ME NEXT!"

"Zenitsu, please, calm down! Inosuke, put that back, we have plenty of food."

I slid the door open, and the entire room froze.

The kitchen was bathed in golden morning light. Tanjiro was standing near a low table, holding a rice ladle like a peace offering, while Zenitsu was practically clinging to his haori, tears streaming down his face. Inosuke was sitting cross-legged on the floor, three pieces of rolled omelet stuffed into his mouth at the same time, his mask pushed up just enough to let him chew like a wild animal.

"Oh! Y/n! You're up!" 

Tanjiro's face lit up instantly. That radiant, sun-like smile was back, and just looking at him made the heavy tightness in my chest loosen a bit. 

"How are your legs feeling? You shouldn't be walking around so much."

"I'm fine" 

I lied quietly, leaning against the doorframe.

"Just... hungry, I guess."

"AAAHHH! SHE'S SO CUTE EVEN WHEN SHE'S LIMPING!" 

Zenitsu suddenly wailed, letting go of Tanjiro and sliding across the floor toward me on his knees. 

"Good morning, beautiful Y/n! Did you sleep well? Did this brute disturb you? If he did, I'll... I'll ask Tanjiro to fight him for you!"

"Shut up, Monitsu!"

Inosuke muffled through a mouthful of egg.

"Sit down, Zenitsu, you're going to scare her" 

Tanjiro laughed softly, guiding the crying boy back to his seat. He then turned to me, his dark eyes filled with that gentle, unearned kindness that always made me want to look away. 

"Come, sit with us. Mitsuri-san left some food before she had to go on a mission this morning."

I sat down at the table, keeping my legs stretched out to avoid bending the wounds. Tanjiro placed a bowl of rice and miso soup in front of me, along with a small plate of fish.

They all looked at me, waiting. It felt weird. Back home... well, I didn't want to think about back home. Here, nobody was yelling. Nobody was calling me an egoist.

"Thank you" 

I murmured, staring at the steam rising from the soup.

"Eat up! You need to regain your strength if you want to see the mansion!" 

Tanjiro cheered.

Breakfast was a chaotic blur. I mostly kept my head down, eating silently while trying to process the madness around me. Zenitsu spent the entire time complaining about his muscle aches and trying to offer me his side dishes, while Inosuke kept trying to spark a competition over who could swallow their rice the fastest.

Why are they doing this?

The thought kept scratching at the back of my brain. 

They don't even know me. I'm just a burden who can't even remember how  she got here. I don't deserve this attention.

But every time I felt the urge to snap at them, to push them away before they could realize how messed up I actually was and turn on me, Tanjiro would look at me with that soft, understanding gaze. It was like he could sense the thorns I was trying to grow around myself, and he was completely unfazed by them.

After breakfast, Zenitsu and Inosuke were dragged away by some of the little butterfly girls for their rehabilitation training.

"Alright"

Tanjiro said, wiping his hands on a cloth. 

"As promised, let's get you that tour. Can you walk a little, or should I find a wheelchair?"

"I can walk" 

I said, a bit more stubborn than I should have been. 

"I'm not broken."

He didn't argue. He just nodded, keeping his pace painfully slow so I could keep up with him without dragging my bleeding legs.

The Butterfly Mansion was massive, a maze of polished wooden corridors, sliding doors, and open courtyards. Tanjiro showed me the pharmacy where the insect hashira made her poisons and medicines, the training halls, and the beautiful gardens filled with purple wisteria flowers that swayed gently in the morning breeze.

"The wisteria keeps the demons away" 

Tanjiro explained as we walked along an outdoor engawa, the wooden porch overlooking a massive courtyard.

"They hate the smell. It's the only place where we can truly rest without looking over our shoulders."

"A place without demons..." 

I whispered, staring at the flowers.

It sounded like a fairytale.

"Yes. A safe place" 

he replied softly.

We turned a corner into a quieter part of the mansion, near the laundry area. The sun was getting higher, warming the wooden floors beneath our feet.

"I have to take these to the wash" 

Tanjiro said, stopping by a large basket filled with heavy, white sheets. 

"Do you want to sit here and rest for a minute?"

"No, let me help" 

I said quickly. I didn't want to just stand there like a useless ghost. 

"I can carry some."

"Y/n, your legs-"

"I said I can do it, Tanjiro"

I interrupted, my voice dropping into that sharp, defensive tone I used whenever I felt pushed into a corner.

He blinked, surprised by the sudden bite in my words, but he didn't get angry. He didn't yell at me for being difficult. He just let out a soft sigh and smiled. 

"Okay. Just a few, then. Don't overdo it."

He handed me a folded pile of sheets. They were heavy and smelled like soap, masking the metallic scent of my own blood for a moment. Shifting the weight into my arms, I started walking down the corridor ahead of him.

My mind was wandering, thinking about what Mitsuri had said yesterday. Sanemi. The guy with the scars. The one who looked like hate personified. Why would a man like that carry me all the way here? Why would he yell at doctors to save me? It didn't make sense. People like him... people who were covered in scars and looked at the world through a veil of pure rage... didn't do things out of the goodness of their hearts. They did things because they had to. Or maybe... maybe he just wanted another soldier for his war.

He probably hates me too 

I thought, a familiar bitter taste rising in my throat. 

Everyone does eventually.

I was so deep in my own head that I didn't notice the massive shadow looming at the end of the hallway until I practically walked right into it.

"Watch where you're-" 

a deep, gruff voice started to bark, but stopped abruptly.

I stumbled back, the sheets slipping slightly in my arms. I looked up, my breath catching in my throat.

The boy standing in front of me was huge. He was easily a head taller than me, with a broad, intimidating frame. His hair was shaved into a dark mohawk, and a massive, jagged scar stretched horizontally across his right cheek, cutting right through the bridge of his nose. He looked terrifying. His eyes were dark, narrowed into a defensive, angry glare.

My heart did a violent flip. The fear hit me instantly. that familiar, suffocating panic that usually made me want to curl into a ball and cover my ears. He looked so much like him.. I froze, waiting for the yell. Waiting for him to call me an idiot, to tell me I was in the way, to push me down.

But the explosion never came.

As our eyes met, the boy's angry glare suddenly cracked. He looked down at me, then at the sheets in my arms, and then back at my face. His dark eyes went wide with absolute, unadulterated panic.

He didn't yell. He didn't move an inch. Instead, a deep, bright crimson flush started at his neck and rushed all the way up to his face, turning his ears a shade of dark red that completely ruined his tough, scary exterior.

"A-A... a girl..." 

he muttered, his voice cracking horribly.

"Huh?" 

I blinked, completely thrown off.

He took a frantic step backward, his boots squeaking loudly against the wood. He looked at the floor, then at the wall, then at the ceiling. anywhere but at me. His large chest was heaving, his hands twitching at his sides like he wanted to fight a demon but didn't know how to handle a person holding laundry.

"I-I'm sorry! I didn't—you're—I'm getting out of the way!" 

he stammered, his tough, deep voice turning into a panicked mess. He practically threw himself against the wall to leave as much space as possible between us, his head bowed so low his mohawk was pointing directly at me.

I stood there, completely stunned. The sheets were still heavy in my arms, but the paralyzing fear I had felt just a second ago evaporated into thin air, replaced by sheer confusion.

What the hell?

He looked like a monster, but he was trembling like a leaf just because I was standing near him.

"Genya!" 

Tanjiro's voice echoed from behind me, breaking the bizarre silence. He walked up beside me, carrying his own basket of laundry, his smile wide and warm. 

"Good morning! I see you met Y/n. She just woke up"

"T-Tanjiro" 

Genya choked out, still refusing to look up, his face still burning a bright, violent red. 

"Y-Yeah. Good morning. I... I have to go. Somewhere else. Not here."

"Wait, Genya, you don't have to run away" 

Tanjiro said with a gentle laugh, stepping closer. 

"Y/n is going to be staying here for a while. She's really nice."

Nice. 

The word felt heavy. I wasn't nice. I was a mess.

But as I looked at Genya, at the way he was desperately trying to shrink his massive body into the woodwork just to avoid making me uncomfortable, something shifted inside me. I looked at the jagged scar across his face.

"It's okay" 

I said quietly, my voice surprisingly soft. I took a small step forward, making sure not to startle him. 

"You don't have to leave. I'm... I'm Y/n."

Genya risked a glance at me through his eyelashes. Seeing that I wasn't screaming or running away from his scary face, his shoulders dropped just a fraction, though his face remained impossibly red. 

"G-Genya" 

he mumbled to the floor, his fists clenching tight at his sides as if he was carrying a weight too heavy for anyone to see. 

"I... I have to go. i'm sorry."

Before Tanjiro or I could say another word, Genya turned around and bolted down the hallway, his heavy footsteps echoing loudly until he disappeared around the corner.

The hallway fell into a heavy, suffocating silence.

I stared at the empty space where he had been standing. I knew that look in his eyes. It was a deep, crushing shadow of sorrow and longing. the look of someone who felt like their very existence was a mistake.

I knew that feeling by heart.

"Genya..." 

Tanjiro murmured sadly, looking down at the floor.

"Why does he look so... lonely?" 

I asked, my voice cracking slightly. I turned to Tanjiro, my fingers tightening around the sheets until my knuckles turned white.

Tanjiro looked at me, and for the first time, his radiant smile was gone. His eyes were filled with a profound sadness. 

"Genya carries a very heavy burden, Y/n. Sometimes, people build walls and push everyone away because they are terrified of getting hurt, or because they think they don't deserve kindness."

Because they think they don't deserve kindness.

It was like a lightning bolt straight to my chest...

I didn't answer. I couldn't. My throat was burning again, and I had to blink rapidly to keep the hot tears from spilling over my lashes. I felt stupid. So incredibly stupid and vulnerable, standing in a random hallway with a pile of dirty sheets, crying over a guy I didn't even know.

"Let's finish the laundry," 

I muttered, turning my head away so Tanjiro couldn't see my face. 

"My legs are starting to hurt."

"Okay," Tanjiro replied gently.

By the time the afternoon rolled around, my legs were entirely spent. The doctors had changed my bandages, scolding me for walking so much, and ordered me to sit still for the rest of the day.

I found myself sitting on the wooden engawa facing the training courtyard. The sun was starting to dip again, casting long, dramatic shadows across the dirt. In the distance, I could see Tanjiro and Inosuke swinging wooden swords, their movements fast and sharp, sweat glistening on their skin. Kanao was there too, moving like a ghost, dodging Inosuke's wild attacks with effortless grace.

I leaned my back against the wooden pillar, drawing my knees up to my chest and resting my chin on them. The world felt too big, too loud, too complicated.

"Ughhhhh... I'm dead. I am literally a corpse. Someone bury me under the wisteria trees, please..."

I looked to my right. Zenitsu had practically crawled out of the training hall and dragged himself onto the porch beside me. He collapsed onto his back, his arms and legs splayed out like a starfish, his tangerine hair a messy, sweaty disaster. He was panting like he had just run across the entire country.

A small, genuine chuckle escaped my lips. 

"Rough day?"

Zenitsu rolled his head over to look at me, his eyes wide and pitiful. 

"Y/n... those girls are demons. Pure demons. They stretched my legs until I thought they were gonna snap like twigs! And Tanjiro just smiles through it! He's a psychopath! They're all psychopaths!"

"You're alive, aren't you?" 

I asked, a playful smirk tugging at the corner of my mouth.

"Barely!" 

he wailed, though he stopped crying and sat up, crossing his legs and looking at me. The dramatic wailing subsided, replaced by a quiet, exhausted sigh. He looked out at the courtyard, watching Tanjiro practice his forms. 

"But... I guess I have to keep going. If I don't get stronger, I'll die on the next mission. And I can't die yet. I haven't gotten married."

I rolled my eyes, but there was no malice in it. 

"Is that all you think about?"

"Hey! Love is important!" 

Zenitsu pouted, turning to face me fully. Then, his expression softened. His amber eyes searched my face, quiet and surprisingly perceptive. 

"You look... sad today, Y/n. Your sound... it's really quiet. Like a muffled heartbeat."

I blinked, taken aback. 

"My sound?"

"Yeah. I can hear things really well" 

he muttered, scratching the back of his neck, looking a bit embarrassed. 

"Everyone has a sound. Tanjiro sounds like a warm, burning fire. Inosuke sounds like a wild storm. But you... you sound like someone who's hiding in a dark room, trying not to make a noise so nobody finds them."

The breath caught in my throat. I stared at him, my heart hammering against my ribs. 

Who the fuck are these guys.

I pulled my knees tighter against my chest, burying my face a little deeper into the fabric of my uniform. His words felt too sharp, peeling away a layer of defense I had desperately tried to keep thick.

Hiding in a dark room. He was right.

I looked down at my hands, then at the heavy bandages wrapping my ruined legs. I thought about Mitsuri brushing my hair, Inosuke refusing to leave my side, Tanjiro's endless, patient smiles, and even the terrifying scarred Hashira who had dragged me here. They were all circling around me, offering a warmth I hadn't asked for and certainly didn't deserve.

But it wasn't me they were looking at. It couldn't be.

They were just reacting to the tragic mystery of a broken girl bleeding on their floors. They were drawn to the pathetic, helpless version of me. 

the one that made people feel good or noble for saving it. 

Zenitsu was just projecting his desperate ideas of romance onto a pretty, quiet face. 

Inosuke and Sanemi probably just saw a feral animal useful enough to be thrown into their war because I had happened to bite a demon's throat to survive.

They loved the tragedy. They loved the outer shell of my pain, the useful parts, the fragile exterior that needed protection.

But if they stripped all of that away? If they had to look past the bleeding legs and the sad story? They would find nothing but a hollow, bitter, and entirely selfish girl hiding behind my ribs. A dark, freezing space that had nothing to give back. If they ever realize how ugly I actually am under the surface, the illusion would shatter. They would see the real me, realize they had wasted their kindness, and leave me to rot alone.

"It's... it's a bit lonely" 

Zenitsu added quietly, his voice dropping into a rare moment of absolute sincerity. He reached out, his hand hesitating for a second before he gently patted my knee, right above the bandages. 

"But you don't have to hide here. Nobody is gonna come in here to hurt you. If a demon comes, I'll... well, I'll probably scream and faint, but Tanjiro will kill it! So you're safe."

I looked down at his hand on my knee. It was warm. It didn't feel like a threat. It didn't feel like the rough, violent grips I was used to.

"Thanks, Zenitsu" 

I whispered, the words feeling foreign but right on my tongue.

"Hehehe, she said my name! She thinks I'm reliable!" 

he instantly reverted back to his usual goofy self, his face lighting up as he started to ramble about how he was going to protect me from the wild boar guy.

I didn't mind the noise this time. I looked back out at the courtyard, watching the sun slowly sink below the horizon, painting the sky in deep shades of orange and purple. The taste of the sweet mochi from yesterday was just a memory now, but as I sat there between the loud, crying boy and the view of the training grounds, the cold, heavy weight in my chest didn't feel quite so unbearable anymore.

Maybe Tanjiro was right. Maybe every single person deserved to be loved.

[cherriiblxssmriri]

wtf im so dumb i accidentally uploaded some chapters of a fic im writing on the wrong account ngbidhfvif

[cherriiblxssmriri]

wondering if u hav anymore spacehey invitez??!1?!1?

yesss!!!

https://spacehey.com/invite/tCbTOLqZk2IxO8Us

[cherriiblxssmriri]

.✦ ݁˖ white lotus ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ໒꒱

[cherriiblxssmriri]

white lotus chapter II

The first thing I felt was the silence.

It was quiet, peaceful. I almost forgot what had happened some hours before, but as i opened my eyes, i quickly remembered everything, yet it still felt foreign to me.

Like a world I wasn't meant to see, a life I wasn't meant to live. I felt my throat burning each time I tried to swallow and I instinctively brought a hand to it, almost unsure wether my neck was still attached to my head.

The room was too... quiet. It didn't feel real. The sheets were soft and fresh, there were beds all around me like in an infirmary.

I guess i'm in some sort of medical room...

There were some windows on the walls behind my bed... the sky outside was turning a deep shade of orange and purple but despite I could see all my surroundings through them, I still couldn't figure out where I was.

I tried to get up, but when I moved the sheets, I saw how my legs were still badly bleeding through the bandages. Some images flashed in my mind of that boy who took me there, but somehow I couldn't remember him clearly, his face was blurred and his eyes covered by his hair... 

I must have lost my memory due to bleeding 

I tought as I tried to brush my hair with my fingers. I was about to get back to sleep but some random boys my age irrupted into the room.

One, who had hair like hay, ran screaming all across the room, shouting how scared he was of taking some pills and how they might have made him go bald.

"Oh hi! you finally woke up"

Said the other, who had a friendly smile and a scar on his forehead. He stared at me like he was waiting for me to answer, but I was still too concerned by what was happening some meters away from me to think straight and have a normal conversation with a guy I have never seen in my life.

The orange haired boy was now tied to the bed and forced by some girls to open his mouth and swallow the pills. He started crying and sobbing like they were about to cut his arms off.

"O-oh yea don't... it's quite normal, it happens almost everyday"

The kind boy added, bringing my attention back to him

"He is just-"

But as he was about to finish the sentence, a... boar? entered the room

What. Is. Going. On. Now.

Turns out he was a boy, wearing a boar's head as a mask, who broke a door to enter when he could have just open it.

"W-what the hell-"

I whispered as the boys started talking, or rather, the kind one gave little punches in the stomach of the one who broke the door, yelling at him he shouldn't have did such thing, but all he did in response was ignoring him and getting closer to me.

He took his mask off and started studying every inch of my face.

"e-excuse me.."

I said as I tried to move away, but he crawled on the bed trying to sniff me.

"What the fuck"

I muttered in a mix of surprise and disgust.

"You bit a demon's neck apart? Do you know who you are challenging right now?"

He started threatening me all of sudden for no reason at all. Although he acted like an animal, he looked like an angel. His face was so femininely pure, his eyes of a light green that reflected the color of grass and trees leaves, however his voice was deep and rough. 

"INOSUKE HASHIBIRA, STOP ACTING LIKE THIS. YOU WILL HURT HER IF YOU CLIMB ONTO HER LIKE THIS"

Shouted the brown haired boy, trying to drag him away

"Don't worry it's okay"

I said all at once as a smile started forming on my face without me noticing. I patted his head and brushed some dirt away from his cheeks as he kept yelling at me he was some kind of king of a mountain. He didn't notice at first, but when he felt my fingers stroking him under his chin he closed his eyes and mouth and let me pet him like a cat.

"you're weird as fuck"

I chuckled as I tried to study his emotions and tried to understand what has been going on since I woke up.

"What- he never did that"

Said...

"Anyway, my name is Kamado Tanjiro"

...Tanjiro

"nice to meet you"

I said as I gave him my free hand to shake his, while the wild boy... 

Inosuke? Tanjiro called him inosuke or am I tweaking?

...fell asleep on my stomach as I kept rubbing his chin.

"So... How much do you know about... demons and stuff"

He asked shyily, almost scared of treating me like I'm dumb

No one's never did that

"Nothing..."

"Well, don't worry, I'll try to explain everything as clearly as possible."

He continued. 

His smile was as radiant as the sun itself, yet his eyes seemed somehow tired. His voice was tender, like a caress on a healed wound. He started telling me about how they were divided, the ranks of demon slayers and demons, some tips and experience he made along the way.

Hashiras... Upper ranks, moon, breathings, sun swords...

I was too confused, I didn't understand a single thing and had already forgotten most of what he said. But he looked too happy and excited to teach me this stuff for me to admit I was just a dumbass who would've probably died in a few days anyway. So, I limited myself to just smiling and nodding whenever he asked if I understood.

"I'm so sorry for.. that"

He said pointing at inosuke sleeping over me like he was a bag of molding potatoes

"No it's okay"

I replied laughing, still uncapable of processing what could have possibly passed through that boy's head. Another person might have pushed him off the bed, and so I was about to do but then he looked at me like that and my heart clenched at the sight of him being so vulnerable after threatening me for everything apparently.

"What's the other guy's name? the tangerine looking one"

I asked chuckling as he let out a laugh at my comparation.

"He's Zenitsu Agatsuma, but there actually are a lot of other pepole... I too don't remember all of their names yet"

he whispered that last sentence adding a little chuckle at the end

"Oh like the hashiras you told me before"

"Yea, but also others of our rank! See that girl training outside?"

he said pointing at the window

"She's Kanao Tsuyuri, she is really shy but is stronger than most of them. Then there's Genya, I don't really know where he is right now, but I'm sure you'll recognize him the second you'll see him. He's tall and has a black mohawk, he looks tough and scary but he's very kind"

He described other friends of his as I kept looking around, still surprised and scared of everything that has happened in the last 24 hours. My fingers unconsciously started to detangle some knots in inosuke's hair as our breaths syncronized

I can still hear their voices, their screams... I still feel the door frame cold against my palm, the little wooden shards scratching my skin...

Tanjiro looked at me with a note fear in his irises. He saw how lost I still was, but he didn't pull away. He got closer and touched my forehead to check my temperature.

Why are they all being so kind with me... I don't deserve all these attentions.

I tought as I looked up at the brown haired boy who started smiling as he made sure I hadn't caught a cold 

"What about him?"

I asked pointing at the sleeping beauty

"You have already got attached to him I see"

Said him chuckling at the sight of such a terrible creature being so peaceful for once

"He grew up on a mountain, the one he declares himself the king of, he was raised by boars since his real mother died and he is pretty much... what you've seen"

He said without any hint of disrespect of disgust towards him.

"he always acts tough but he is very sensitive and caring. He shows his love and care fot others in his own ways, you just have to figure them out."

He added as he brushed the wild boy's hair, just to recieve a grunt in response.

"Tanjiro..."

I muttered quietly, my voice cracking a little at the end of his name. He didn't answer, instead he nodded and smiled brighter than the sun.

"Why are you being so kind with me?"

I asked lowering my gaze, hands still busy playing with inosuke's hair.

"Why..."

He repeated like he was trying to find an answer too

"It's just the way I am"

he admitted followed by a smile

"I take care of all the pepole around me. I feel the urge to and it makes me feel good"

His voice was softer now, like a warm cup of chocolate in the cold winter.

"But... me? why..."

I asked, needing an answer to what has been haunting me for as long as I can remember. 

"It doesn't matter who you are, nor what have you done. Everyone deserves to be loved. Everyones means you too"

It just doesn't feel right... I don't...

He was about to add something when someone walked across the door again, but this time, it wasn't a scream or a crash. A sweet, floral scent filled the air, followed by a woman who looked like she had stepped out of a dream.

She was carrying a tray of colorful, round sweet mochis, and her smile was so wide it made her eyes sparkle.

"Oh! You're awake Y/n!" 

she squealed, her voice like a melody.

I was too mesmerized by her charm to reply so i just listened to her sweet voice

"Well, I don't know if Tanjiro already told you about me, anyways I'm Mitsuri Kanroji!"

She continued as she set the tray down on the edge of the bed

"I brought snacks! You must be starving after what happened!"

She handed me a pink mochi. I stared at it like it was a foreign object, then took a small bite. The sweetness hit me so hard it almost made my head spin. I swallowed hard, feeling that familiar burn in my throat, but this time it was different.

"T-thank you" 

I muttered as my mouth was still filled with that sugar bomb.

They look just like her

"Oh, you're so sweet!" 

Mitsuri squealed, moving closer. 

"And look at your hair! It's such a mess, darling. Here, let me help."

Before I could object, she was behind me. Her touch was surprisingly light as she began to detangle. My heart clenched. I looked at Tanjiro, who was watching us with a peaceful smile, and then at Inosuke, still snoring on my lap, and for the first time in my life, the world didn't feel like a battlefield, but something that's worth fighting for.

"You know" 

Mitsuri continued, her voice dropping to a playful whisper as she pulled the comb through a particularly stubborn knot. 

"You're quite lucky. It was Sanemi-san who brought you here."

I froze. The image of the guy from the forest, the one with the terrifying eyes and the body covered in scars flashed in my mind. 

"That... that psycho?" 

I stammered, my voice sounding more defensive than I intended. 

"He looked like he wanted to kill me, not save me."

Mitsuri giggled, a sound so bright it felt out of place in an infirmary. 

"Oh, Sanemi-san is... complicated! He's like a headgehog, all thorns on the outside but... well maybe he's a angry headgehog even on the inside. But he was the one who carried you all the way here. He was shouting at the doctors to treat you immediately!"

I stayed silent but my mind was racing. 

Why would he care? Why someone who looked like hate embodied in a human bother saving me? 

Oh yea, he had to recruit pepole...

"There" 

Mitsuri said, patting my shoulder as she finished with my hair. 

"All done! You look much more like yourself now."

She stood up, giving me one last squeeze that nearly cracked my ribs, before heading toward the door. 

"Get some rest, Y/n! I'll bring more mochis tomorrow!"

As the door slid shut behind her, the room felt quieter, but the silence wasn't heavy anymore. Tanjiro stood up, stretching his arms.

"She's right, you know" 

he said softly, looking at me. 

I laid back against the pillows, careful not to disturb Inosuke, who was still snoring softly, now against my chest. I looked out the window at the darkening sky. The taste of the pink mochi was still lingering on my tongue, sweet and comforting.

"Tanjiro?" 

I called out just as he was about to leave.

"Yes?"

"Tomorrow... can you show me where I am? I don't want to stay locked in this white room forever."

Tanjiro's smile was like a promise. 

"Of course. I'll give you a tour of the Butterfly Mansion once the sun rises. It's beautiful in the morning."

As he blew out the candle and left the room, I closed my eyes. 

"Goodnight I guess"

I whispered chuckling to the boar guy, covering him with a blanket and resting one hand above his head. 

Maybe this won't be as bad as I imagined

[cherriiblxssmriri]

white lotus chapter I

I didn't plan to run away, not at all at least.

One minute I was standing in the doorway, my hand still on the frame, listening to the echo of words I couldn't take back. The next, I was outside, the night air hitting my face, such a gentle yet so hard breeze that took me back to reality

I told myself I'd turn back after a few minutes, after my chest stopped feeling so tight, but every step felt easier than the last, like distance itself was a kind of relief.

I was finally savoring an ephemeral bit of that feeling of freedom i've been longing for ever since I was born.

As I kept running away from reality my toughts quickly fell back into place. 

I no longer knew where i was

The streetlights faded behind me, the pavement turned into dirt, then into something uneven and soft beneath my shoes. Trees rose up around me, tall and silent, their branches weaving together overhead until they swallowed that little light the moon gave.

I wasn't scared nor worried, i finally felt at peace. With myself, my life and the world. I didn't need to escape no more, it was only me, some dried leaves on the ground, owls, other animals living in the wood and the pale moonlight that tried to light up a path for me to follow, making her way through the big tree's branches.

I sat on the ground exhausted by the run, when a thin, irregular sound slipped through the trees, like a broken whisper. It wasn't the rustling of leaves in the wind, nor the familiar call of an animal. It sounded more like a mix between a creak and a distant moan, sometimes sharper, sometimes almost muffled. Every now and then it would stop abruptly, leaving behind an unnatural silence, only to start again without warning, making me strain my ears and wonder where was it really coming from.

I turned in every direction possible, but I couldn't sense anything if not the goosebumps rising on my skin at each breath the creature took

I tried to run before it was too late, but as my legs started to move, it was already standing right in front of me. It smelled like rotten flesh and putrid water, one single eye towering over me, surrounded by decaying skin assuming the most human like form possible.

I tried to scream but one of its arms slept into my throat making it impossible for me to do anything but dying. My soul was just about to escape my body when i grabbed onto the last drop of hope i had left. 

"I was finally free... How dare you take it away from me like THEY did"

I spit in rough voice once I made it out of its grip.

i could feel my guts bleeding from the inside and my heart's pace slowing down, but i had no other choice if not fighting it. 

I knew what it was, my grandmother used to tell me about some demon slayers that once saved her life from these horrible creatures, but my dad always said not to listen to her words because she was just crazy.

I always wanted to die, of course it would have been less painful than fighting bare handed against a demon. I always used to imagine what my life would be like in another universe, whether I'd still get abused daily, or if I couldn't even imagine what was it like not to have a loving family. 

But now, while my life was being taken away by a horrible creature, i wasn't grateful to it for taking this pain away from me. I was fighting to see the sunrise once again. 

I absorbed some hits as I tore its arms from its body, but as they fell on the ground, they already started to regenerate. My hands were sore and my vision started to blur, so I used what I had left to wrench its head.

A rush of adrenaline pumped in my veins as I bit its neck apart as i was forced to swallow some pieces of flesh and blood.

 I wasn't completely done but it also appeared to have lost some strenght so it fell on the ground. I straddled it while continuing punching it, trying to ripe that little piece of skin and blood vessels that kept connected its head to the body. Once it started to decompose, I could feel the air entering my lungs again, as if I've been holding a breath this whole time. I fell down and throw up what I had to swallow some minutes before, mixed with some blood of mine coming from my insides.

I felt weaker and weaker at every passing moment, but I couldn't give up yet. I tried to get up, but ended falling down again and again, until I accepted my fate.

"so this is the price of freedom, isn't it?"

I whispered letting out a bitter laugh.

The edges of the highest branches were starting to be lit up by the warm sun rays, allowing me to define and count every leaf until they began to blur in the distance.

Maybe, in another life

I tought I had reached the other world when I saw my grandmother holding my hand, wiping away some tears off my face.

"Don't surrender right now, you still have a long life to live sweetheart"

Her voice was as sweet as I remembered, her words softer than any cuddle. She placed her hand above my heart and i started to feel a slight tremble under my skin. 

I wanted to tell her how much I miss her, I wanted to hug her until my last breath, but before I could reach for her hand and hold it once again, she faded away like the stars in the morning sky.

I didn't even notice when my consciousness returned and some of my wounds healed, I was too deep in sorrow. Tears streamed down my face the moment she left me again, and at that thought, sobs followed the wet paths across my cheeks.

The sunlight painted my face, warm and tender, bringing me back to life. I could still feel its warmth on my cheek, while the fresh early spring wind swept away every trace of that kind caress with its cold breath.

It lingered between the trees, shifting without direction, as if the forest itself had forgotten how to be still.

I stayed on the ground for a moment longer, trying to understand whether my body was truly mine again. 

I pushed myself up, but the movement was too clumsy and before I could even realize I fell down again, as if the ground itself was trying to swallow me and lead me to the center of the planet

I forced my palm against the bloody, dirty ground, trying to steady myself, but it started to feel unstable, soft in places it shouldn't have been.

A wave of dizziness hit me. I waited for it to pass, but it didn't fully go away. It only softened, like something pressing against the edges of my mind instead of letting go.

I tried again, slower this time, like I was learning to walk all over again. My legs moved under me, unsteady at first, trembling as if they had forgotten their purpose. I managed to rise halfway before my balance gave out, forcing me to catch myself against the nearest tree.

My forearm got scraped by the bark, but it didn't stop me from trying to go back... Home?

I tried so hard to get up and go... Where? to the place I've been trying to escape ever since?

Reality slapped me in the face as I realized I couldn't just do whatever came to my mind. I sat down thinking about what could I do now that I'm left by myself.

First of all I have to run as far as I can from this village. Then I have to find a job and a place to stay

Once I had an half idea of what my future could have been like, a faint smile appeared on my face before I could even notice.

The calm wind that had been carrying my toughts one by one, shifted like a slamming door. Its pressure increased, and the forest, which had been silent until now, seemed to hesitate. Even the leaves above stopped moving for a fraction of a second.

Then, footsteps.

I felt my blood starting to boil in my veins, scared that it could have been one of those creatures again. This time however, the footsteps didn't scare me, it was such a distant yet familiar sound that made me think twice before attacking.

I tried to get up but the cold air kept me pressed against the tree.

The footsteps came in closer as glimpses of what seemed a human figure flashed infront of my eyes. I could see it for fractions of a second, just enough to start figuring out what it might have looked like.

Strands of white hair, a strange uniform and pale purple eyes, stared back, empty of emotion at first glance, yet carrying something far heavier beneath them.

"who are you?"

I asked, struggling to keep tracks of his movements.

As the words left my mouth, he stood in front of me.

Tall, imposing. his presence alone was enough to force my gaze upward, locking me into his eyes as if pulled there against my will.

"Who cares"

He replied, voice rougher than a stone, as he got closer and crouched down to check on my wounds

"what the fuck are you doing" 

I rised my voice as I tried to get out of his grip, but in response, I've only recieved a grunt and a disgusted look.

I kicked him away just enough to escape from his presence and the tree forcing me against him.

I tried to walk away as if nothing happened but after some steps, he pushed me, making me fall on purpouse so that i couldn't move. He was right above me, his gaze studying every corner of my face.

"FUCK YOU CREEP, LEAVE ME ALONE" 

I screamed as I pushed my knee up against his balls, but his only reaction was a little squint of his eyes and his jaw clenching.

"Oh, who are YOU" 

He replied to my previous question, slightly rising his voice

"Did you fucking slain a demon with your hands." 

That wasn't really a question, more of a statement hard for him to belive.

"Get off of me!" 

I wrenched my arm back, but his grip only tightened, his fingers like iron bands around my skin.

"Shut up and answer"

but as he continued I kicked him again, succesfully getting out of his hold.

I sat infront of him, searching for answers he clearly didn't want to give me.

"Did you not fucking got taught manners? do you randomly pin some lady to the ground creepying them out like that?"

I asked ironically still keeping a distance between us

"So a girl who randomly slayed a demon bare handed is just a lady who was casually walking there now? also, it was you who tried to escape as i was checking your wounds"

"what is your fucking problem? who the fuck asked you to do that how-"

"oh shut up" 

he interrupted me as he also sat down, crossing his legs and resting his head on one of his hands

"you really don't know who I am?"

he asked with a hint of disbelief in his voice

"no and i don't care as long as you let me go"

"where"

"it's none of your business"

I replied as i quickly looked away.

"something's telling me you don't know where to go"

he added teasingly. I stayed quiet for some moments as I tried to study him, his uniform, the katana he had attached on his hip.

"are you one of them? one of those..."

I asked scratching my head trying to remember how my grandma used to call them

"...demon slayers"

he continued my sentence as he nodded in reply, with a note of disgust in his expression, that i couldn't quite understand if it came from him thinking about his job, or because he saw my legs covered in cuts and blood.

"that's why you can't walk straight"

he said pointing at my legs with a smirk

"so you think being a demon slayer gives you the right to violate my personal space"

"quite not, I only did that to check if you were actually still alive, and ask you to become one yourself since you don't have nowhere to go and wouldn't live for more than three days on your own"

The way he got so many details about me in such a little amout of time and against my will made me wanna throw up. 

"just so you know, I don't give a fuck about you, I'm only talking to you this because I've got asked to recruit pepole."

He added while standing up

"Who the hell do you think you're talking to?"

I spat, swaying on my feet. 

"I'm not some piece of trash you found in the dirt."

The white haired boy didn't even flinch. He just watched me with those cold, scarred eyes.

"Cursing won't make you tough, brat. And it definitely won't make me, nor other pepole respect you."

At his answer I stood up and made my way to his figure, not caring about the amout of blood I was losing. He didn't move nor stopped me, he stayed there, watching me get closer and slapping him in the face.

"done now?"

He added like my hand didn't even brushed him, instead his eyes softened just for a second, for such a fast time that it was almost impossible for me to notice.

but i did.

Our gazes intertwined for a second too long, finding a weird and familiar comfort in each other's irises.

I looked away first. 

"Fine. I'll go. But don't expect me to thank you."

As we turned to leave the forest, the adrenaline that had fueled my defiance finally swept away. My knees buckled, the ground rushing up to meet me, but I never hit the dirt.

Before I could even gasp, I felt the world tilt. He had scooped me up in his arms as if I weighed nothing more than a broken bird.

"Put me down, you bastard!" 

I hissed, my hands instinctively slamming against his chest to push him away, but it was as useful as trying to move a mountain.

He didn't even look down at me, his jaw set in a hard line as he began to walk. 

"Shut up and save your energy for when you'll need them. You're getting blood on my uniform."

Despite the harsh words, his hold didn't falter and for the first time in my life, someone was carrying me away from the nightmare instead of dragging me into it. I felt a traitorous warmth creep up my neck. I stopped fighting, letting my head drop against his shoulder with a heavy thud.

"Ugh... fuck you" 

I muttered into the fabric of his uniform, my voice thick with exhaustion.

I didn't see it, but I could have sworn I felt the slight vibration of a huff, chest against chest, before darkness finally pulled me under.

[cherriiblxssmriri]

chapter I chapter II chapter III chapter IV

[cherriiblxssmriri]

please promise me y'all aren't gonna hate me. my adhd ass just can't finish one thing and have to start 58693 together so instead of updating an already existent serie of mine, i invented a fuckass new one because i felt like it. no genuinely i think it's my biggest problem that when i feel like writing more about a character rather than another i just do it. like yea i still have to finish the jean x reader, eren x reader, (which i started writing this fucking summer and now it's almost summer again and i haven't posted more than 20 chapters if counting both of them) touya x keigo and the martin x reader but guess what now i started a sanemi x reader jst bc i luv him smsm and yea whatever imma lock in and finish al of them i promise

(i posted them on wattpad and ao3 just so you know)

ah yeah and ofc it's going to be a slow ass burn

[cherriiblxssmriri]

angels i'm soo sorry, as you noticed i've stopped posting or updating fics because i litterally spend all my days practicing vball or studying. and i HATE studying but i need to or i'll get blasted and not pass this school year or just study all summer cuz they give me subjects (and god plesse no). so i'm telling you, i'll look foreward trying to update some fics or write some short oneshots in this time and when school ends i'll be back in my prime again >:D

[cherriiblxssmriri]

SpaceHey links!!

since i wanna be fair and not choose someone instead of another, i'll just post the invites i currently have and yeah just use it. i'll post more of them once i'll get others, i only have three now so here you go:

https://spacehey.com/invite/xbtZIxBNnxwOrVoB

https://spacehey.com/invite/0XwBJyAymvRuOFj2

https://spacehey.com/invite/K0KgT7hqm0f7Hx6v

[cherriiblxssmriri]

btw if you want to add me on spacehey << click here!! i'll just blog abt my life more regularly than here with random facts and shii. love y'all

[cherriiblxssmriri]

Pairings: Choso Kamo x f!Reader

he's been staring at the celing covered in darkness for the last 30 minutes, with that melancholic, scared and sad look in his eyes, which i knew too well to be ignoring it. Lately more than ever it was more and more frequent, but whenever i tried asking him if there was something wrong, he would just shake his head and change the subject.

Feeling his breath breaking onto my skin, his arms keeping me tight against his chest and his hands running through my hair, were probably the peace i desperatly looked for my whole life, but i knew they wouldn't have lasted any longer.

We were laying on his bed after spending the whole day defeating curses. He kept caressing my left cheek, which he accidentally scratched some hours before. That was when i realized something was defenetly about to break. Not being able to accept it, I pressed myself against his chest as thightly as i could, hoping i was wrong and it was just something i made up in my mind, but the only response i got to that act, were a few choked sobs and his arms holding me even tightly. His chest started moving irregularly and his hands were wandering around every inch of my body as if he was scared that i could disappear at any time.

"choso..."

i muttered against his neck, leaving on it a small kiss, then lifting my gaze to tangle it with his.

his cheeks were covered in tears, and his eyes were sparkling due to them and the reflection of the moon's pale light entering from the window. he started stroking my hair and gently kissed that one scratch on my face.

"it's all my fault"

he whispered with broken voice

"what... what are you talking about?"

i answered, looking for his eyes which were trying to avoid mines at all costs.

we found each other when we needed the most, but that same thing which seemed a blessing at first, now became the worst of all. he once said jokingly that he would have done everything he could to keep me safe... even leaving me because "he doesn't deserve me". when he first said that, i laughed, i couldn't take him seriously, but now...

"do you remember..."

he tried answering me, interrupted by his own sobs

"...that one time when i told you that... that thing that made you upset for the rest of the day?"

he said almost laughing at the last sentence, knowing he would never be able to experience that moment again, but still feeling it deep in his bones as if it has just happened.

"which of the many?"

i muttered jokingly, with the same melancholy in my voice

the joke slipped out of me and died between us.

Choso let out a breath that trembled against my skin, something halfway between a laugh and a sob. His thumb kept moving, slow and repetitive, as if stopping would make everything collapse at once.

“The one where I said I’d leave if it meant you’d be safe”

he murmured.

“You told me I was being stupid.”

There it was. The thing we had both been circling around, pretending not to see.

I lifted my hand and wiped his tears away, my chest started aching with every small sound he made.

“I remember telling you that you don’t get to decide what’s best for me”

I whispered.

“I still believe it.”

His jaw clenched, and when he finally looked at me, it felt like he was carving my face into his memory.

“I see death every day”

he said.

“I feel it in my hands, in my blood. And every time you’re beside me, every time you get hurt”

His voice broke, completely.

“I can’t breathe. Loving you makes me weak. And losing you would destroy me.”

“Choso-”

“I don’t deserve this”

he interrupted, not angrily, just shattered.

“I don’t deserve you.”

his words crushed the air out of my lungs.

he pressed his forehead against mine, eyes closed, as if that single point of contact was the only thing keeping him together.

I shook my head, tears slipping free before I could stop them.

“You don’t get to love me halfway”

I whispered.

“And you don’t get to leave me while still holding my heart.”

That was when he pulled away.

Slowly. Carefully. Like someone stepping back from a fire they still needed to survive.

“I will always love you”

he said. No hesitation. No doubt.

“That’s exactly why I have to let you go.”

The silence that followed was unbearable. The moonlight still poured in through the window, pale and indifferent, as if the world hadn’t just ended.

He stood up first.

I didn’t stop him. Somewhere deep down, I knew that if I did, he would break in a way he’d never recover from.

At the door, he paused. His shoulders shook once, then stilled.

“In every life,” he said without turning back “I will always choose you. Even if it means never being with you ever again.”

yep that was a bit sad sorry not sorry 💔 („• ֊ •„)

[cherriiblxssmriri]

Pairings: Choso Kamo x f!Reader

he's been staring at the celing covered in darkness for the last 30 minutes, with that melancholic, scared and sad look in his eyes, which i knew too well to be ignoring it. Lately more than ever it was more and more frequent, but whenever i tried asking him if there was something wrong, he would just shake his head and change the subject.

Feeling his breath breaking onto my skin, his arms keeping me tight against his chest and his hands running through my hair, were probably the peace i desperatly looked for my whole life, but i knew they wouldn't have lasted any longer.

We were laying on his bed after spending the whole day defeating curses. He kept caressing my left cheek, which he accidentally scratched some hours before. That was when i realized something was defenetly about to break. Not being able to accept it, I pressed myself against his chest as thightly as i could, hoping i was wrong and it was just something i made up in my mind, but the only response i got to that act, were a few choked sobs and his arms holding me even tightly. His chest started moving irregularly and his hands were wandering around every inch of my body as if he was scared that i could disappear at any time.

"choso..."

i muttered against his neck, leaving on it a small kiss, then lifting my gaze to tangle it with his.

his cheeks were covered in tears, and his eyes were sparkling due to them and the reflection of the moon's pale light entering from the window. he started stroking my hair and gently kissed that one scratch on my face.

"it's all my fault"

he whispered with broken voice

"what... what are you talking about?"

i answered, looking for his eyes which were trying to avoid mines at all costs.

we found each other when we needed the most, but that same thing which seemed a blessing at first, now became the worst of all. he once said jokingly that he would have done everything he could to keep me safe... even leaving me because "he doesn't deserve me". when he first said that, i laughed, i couldn't take him seriously, but now...

"do you remember..."

he tried answering me, interrupted by his own sobs

"...that one time when i told you that... that thing that made you upset for the rest of the day?"

he said almost laughing at the last sentence, knowing he would never be able to experience that moment again, but still feeling it deep in his bones as if it has just happened.

"which of the many?"

i muttered jokingly, with the same melancholy in my voice

the joke slipped out of me and died between us.

Choso let out a breath that trembled against my skin, something halfway between a laugh and a sob. His thumb kept moving, slow and repetitive, as if stopping would make everything collapse at once.

“The one where I said I’d leave if it meant you’d be safe”

he murmured.

“You told me I was being stupid.”

There it was. The thing we had both been circling around, pretending not to see.

I lifted my hand and wiped his tears away, my chest started aching with every small sound he made.

“I remember telling you that you don’t get to decide what’s best for me”

I whispered.

“I still believe it.”

His jaw clenched, and when he finally looked at me, it felt like he was carving my face into his memory.

“I see death every day”

he said.

“I feel it in my hands, in my blood. And every time you’re beside me, every time you get hurt”

His voice broke, completely.

“I can’t breathe. Loving you makes me weak. And losing you would destroy me.”

“Choso-”

“I don’t deserve this”

he interrupted, not angrily, just shattered.

“I don’t deserve you.”

his words crushed the air out of my lungs.

he pressed his forehead against mine, eyes closed, as if that single point of contact was the only thing keeping him together.

I shook my head, tears slipping free before I could stop them.

“You don’t get to love me halfway”

I whispered.

“And you don’t get to leave me while still holding my heart.”

That was when he pulled away.

Slowly. Carefully. Like someone stepping back from a fire they still needed to survive.

“I will always love you”

he said. No hesitation. No doubt.

“That’s exactly why I have to let you go.”

The silence that followed was unbearable. The moonlight still poured in through the window, pale and indifferent, as if the world hadn’t just ended.

He stood up first.

I didn’t stop him. Somewhere deep down, I knew that if I did, he would break in a way he’d never recover from.

At the door, he paused. His shoulders shook once, then stilled.

“In every life,” he said without turning back “I will always choose you. Even if it means never being with you ever again.”

yep that was a bit sad sorry not sorry 💔 („• ֊ •„)

[cherriiblxssmriri]

Pairings: Touya Todoroki x f!Reader

I couldn't clearly understand what was going on, the only thing i could give for garaunteed was that my body was moving by itself.

Am i escaping? Why would I? and even if i am, from who? Why do i have blood on my fists? Why are my legs aching at each step i take?

I don't know.

The sound of the cars’ horns echoed in my head, while the city lights spinning around me, made me feel even dizzier.

Why am i running? Where am i going?

Crossing the road some cars almost hit me, and now that "unknown" way i was stepping on, started to feel familiar.

I could recognize some of the palaces around me, but ever since i stepped out that room I was sealed in, there was only one thing which kept me awake and somehow conscious.

I need to find him.

There i was. Infront of the palace i've been incounsciously looking for.

I dragged myself infront of the intercom, completely worn out by the run, and the second i was about to ring, i fell on my knees.

Am I... Bleeding?

My vision started to blur and my eyelids felt heavier, so heavy that it was almost impossible for me to keep them open.

I was lying on the ground, clothes soaked in my own blood, which i couldn't figure out from where was it coming.

Of course now... When I've almost made it...

"Tou..ya"

I whispered as i finally closed my eyes.

But the moment i gave up, was also the one when i felt someone lifting me up from the ground, silently taking me inside.

I could feel his touch, the one i could recognize even if there were one hundred hands touching me at the same time.

His soft, caring, and tender touch

The second he took me in his arms i felt warmer.

When did he learn to have such a control of his flames?

How much time has passed?

He went upstairs keeping me close to his chest, his half burnt chest. The smell of his cologne mixed with the bitter smell of burnt skin overwhelmed my nostrils, and somehow, that was enough to keep me alive, to keep me conscious in the complete darkness.

He made it into the apartment and laid me on his bed, but still hasen't spoke a single word...

Is he... Mad at me?

I tought my spine was about to collapse, but feeling that soft mattres under my back, made me release a sigh of relief.

Once again I felt his warm hands touching me, this time however it was on my bare naked skin. He undressed me to reveal my wounds.

It was very dark and the room was only lit by a small lamp. That was when I finally managed to open my eyes again.

The first thing i saw were his icy blue eyes, and i couldn't stop myself from smiling.

Who would have ever said that i could have been able to see them again?

My blue eyes.

His gaze however, wasn't how i remembered. It was so icy and cold, that no matter how hot were the flames he could have burnt me with, i'd have still frozen to death.

My blue eyes...

He was towering me keeping his arms at the sides of my head, staring in my eyes.

It feels like a fever dream...

"I gotta burn your waist... It's almost completly open on the side."

I finally got to hear his voice one last time.

His words came out of his mouth as if it was some magic spell, with an insane calm and control, but under that ice layer, i could still feel his sweetness.

My body, once again, moved by itself, running a hand through his hair, making the blood coming out of my side faster.

A tear stroke my cheek as i pronounced his name again, smiling weakly and staring at my eyes.

"You can't... Just... Disappear. You can't leave me again."

This time his words sounded sweeter, his voice started cracking by the end of the sentence and one of his hands gently brushed my face.

He squinted his eyes, making some bloody tears fall on my chin, then, i felt his flames burning my side.

Once he was done he lifted me up, bandaging me and handing me a shirt and a pants of his, he helped me dressing up, then he sat in front of me, still looking at me with that chilling gaze.

That was the loudest silence I've ever heard.

"Why..."

He muttered in broken voice, coming closer, roaming my face as if he was trying to compare it to the last time we met, still unable to accept that it was acutally me.

Why?

He helped me lay on the bed, leaving one of his arms under my head, then done the same.

He pressed his forehead against mine, keeping a hand placed on my cheek and slightly rubbing it.

"Why would you leave me?"

He whispered squinting his eyes again, holding me closer as if he was trying to beat physics's laws.

"Why would you do that?"

His voice cracked definitely as he hugged me hard enough to make me sigh, but still careful not to make the wounds open again.

"Touya..."

I muttered

"You said that you loved me, why did you leave me alone?"

His grip hardened on my skin as his body trembled at each of his sobs.

"You... You still have to teach me how to love you"

At that statement I felt something in me, as if out of a single sentence, I regained the strenght I've lost due to everything I've been trough.

"Touya... I'm here"

I said as I gently stroked his face to wipe away some tears.

"I'm here"

I repeated whispering, as I leaned in making our lips almost touch.

"I will"

I blowed on his lips, which not so after finally reunited with mine.

"It wasn't my choice to disappear"

I tried to explain, drawing his attention

"Listen to me carefully"

I said as i pressed my forehead against his

"I will never leave you, not even if they take me away from you"

He stared at my lips while i was talking like he was trying to memorize every word that came out of my mouth, then embeaded his gaze with mine once again.

"Promised?"

He asked, almost scared of my answer

"Promised"

I whispered, leaning in again, looking for the lips I've missed so much.

My lips.

[cherriiblxssmriri]

Yuji Itadori who becomes a freaky whimpering mess after a martini and an apartment in LA

The sun has already set some hours ago, and you were heading to a pub near the hotel where you decided to stay, with your sensei, your classmates and the ones from the 2nd year.

It wasn't the most expensive, but it certaintly had a great view over the Manhattan's skyline and the rest of the city.

While Gojo guided the group, You Itadori and Maki were already discussing over which cocktail you should have got.

You finally felt relieved. It wasn't something you understood at first, but for the first time after a long time, you finally felt like you could enjoy these little silly moments again.

You found yourself staring at the bottom of the glass you just chugged all in one go, and you weren't the only one who noticed.

"Chill Y/nnn, whattya thinkin 'bout?"

Said the light haired boy, trying to imitate the local accent, failing miserably.

You laughed, this time, from your heart, starting to feel that warm sensation down your throat and the bitter aftertaste of alcohol, slightly swinging on the tall stool, still playing with the edge of the glass on the counter.

"Nothing important I guess"

You said still chuckling to that horrible imitation of the boy sitting by your side.

"Okayyy... Oh that's mine lol thankyou"

He said to the bartender who was handing him a glass filled with a transparent liquid and some olives

"What's that?"

You asked, getting closer to him trying to smell it

"It's a martini!"

He answered handing it to you

"Wanna taste?"

he added

"mhh"

You mumbled grabbing the little black straw.

Little did you know how that simple and innocent gesture could have been compared to pouring gasoline on a fire for the way it ignited every nerve in Yuji's body.

He stared at you for a second too long, but you were already too confused by the effect of that drink to notice.

"Do... Do you like it?"

He asked as if nothing happened

"Yeahh it tastes good"

"Then..."

He continued, raising his arm toward the man who served him before

"Sorry man, Could I get anotha of this?"

"Yea sure"

He answered

"Yuji stopp!!"

You said laughing almost in tears

"Whaaattt, what's wrong..?"

You tought he kept doing that weird accent to tease you, it was acutally because he loved the way his body reacted to your simple laugh. How his heart started beating faster as you hit him on his shoulder and stayed closer to him, how that exact point of his skin felt colder the second you moved slightly away. How his eyes were incounsciously searching yours.

You both started talking nonsense and laughing at every chance you had, teasing each other, sometimes unsure wether you were too close or not enough, but certainly both already under the effect of those martinis.

"C'monnnn if it wasn't for me you would have ended under some debrisess, you could at least thank me"

He said, alternating his gaze between your eyes and lips, you were definetly too close, but he certainly didn't complain.

"Mpff, nobody asked you to save me... AND I'm a hundred percent sure I could have survived effortlessly..."

you said, acting like that small act didn't made your heart flutter.

"buuutttt..."

You continued, approaching him leaning in almost brushing his bottom lip

"Thank you"

You blowed on his lips before leaving a light kiss on his cheek.

That did it. That was when Yuji Itadori realized how done he was.

As you were moving away from that little contact you two just had, he grabbed you by your chin, almost scared that you could run away, and pulled you to his lips, gently pressing them on yours.

You both wished about this moment to come true, but none of you had realized it until then.

After he slightly moved away to look in your eyes, noticing his same sparkle of desire in them, he grabbed your hand and kissed it.

"May I safely escort you to your room, Mi lady?"

"We're speaking french now?"

you replied chukingly

He said as you felt your heart beating so fast, you were almost scared it could just come out of your chest at any moment.

You knew that you would have been anything BUT safe going with him, but you accepted anyway, no risk no story afterall, right? but apart from that, would you really have refused? of course not.

You ran to the hotel and as you stepped into the elevator, the second you've seen the door closing, you started devouring each other, since there were 43 freaking floors to go up and you were the only two in there.

He gently pushed you against the metallic wall, towering you, not wasting a second getting away from your lips.

"Damn Y/n, you're driving me crazy"

He muttered in between kisses and chuckles, as his hands kept exploring your body from over the light tissue of that white shirt you had on, uncapable to wait for what would have came next.

You finally got to your floor and as you entered the room, you were shocked by the view you were in posses of due to the dimensions of the window and the height you were on.

"Yuji, Look!"

You exclaimed, pointing outside.

"Good, we're high enough"

He said jokingly, leaning in again after closing the door behind him

"For what?"

You asked curious, wrapping your arms around his neck, as he grabbed you in his arms, brushing your ear with his lip

"For us fucking with this insane view above the entire city"

He whispered, making a shiver travel all the way down your spine, not destroying that chuckling atmosphere you two always had around.

After what to you seemed like an eternity of suffering, rubbing against each other's bare bodies and desiring for more, he was finally inside of you.

His hips pistoned you in and out, head buried in the crook of your neck, while, not-so-muted-by-kisses moans came out of his mouth as his hands tighten on your hips.

his eyes were closed as he was feeling everything at its fullest, already tired but still hungry.

Your bodies trembling against each others, sweats drops mixing up with little noises and groans.

"Y-yuji..."

You moaned in his cavity as a pair of tears stroke down his cheeks, followed by some whimpers

You put a hand on his shoulder, pushing him up to meet your eyes. He props himself on his forearms and still his hips flush against yours, firmer than before.

His athletic body was reduced to a complete mess when it came to you. His muscles tensing under your breath as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

A final moan came out of his mouth while pronouncing your name, finally embeading his gaze with yours.

He moved a hair strand behind your ear as he slowly layed over your bare chest with the same look in his eyes of a kid who just got a free ice cream.