adamantine

goddamn right, you should be scared of me

[cherryplumbubblegum]

I gave her that piece of plastic, so small, yet it carried everything I needed to say - I pick you, please stay.

the guitar pick (XI)

[cherryplumbubblegum]

I swear to god I'm gonna write a song about you.

I’m not flirting though (XI)

[cherryplumbubblegum]

You are reasonable, yet so absurd. Absurd in all the perfect places.

and you make me laugh (XI)

[cherryplumbubblegum]

You're the highlight of my 2020. Or no, let's put it this way - you're in my top 10, at around... the 4th place. With great potential to make it to the top.

flirt (XI)

[cherryplumbubblegum]

Did you think it would take no effort? Fool, it’s so cold and icy, can’t you see? Do you even know in how long she hasn’t been held? It will take more than a few pretty words to melt her fucking heart.

[cherryplumbubblegum]

It was when I moved her hair away from her face and asked her why there were tears in her eyes that I realized. No one ever cared if she did. Or if she didn't. Please don't. Don't cry.

[cherryplumbubblegum]

Suddenly, I realized - I was in charge of how I was going to feel that day, everything was up to me and nothing could bring me down. It’s crazy how an essential thing like that can be taken away from you - and you don’t even realize it’s gone.

After a ridiculous amount of time I found me, standing in a ray of sun. I was stronger than ever, my scars have healed and my bones have mended. I was still me, flawed and a little faulty - but I cared for myself fiercely, with a heartfelt intensity. I didn’t care if he was alright, why he wasn’t or whether he loved me or not. I wasn’t waiting for the kind words I never got from him. I wasn’t waiting for him to hold my hand either. Instead, I took myself by the hand. Come, I’ll take care of you. I’ll love you like I should have all along.

It’s not entirely true that you have to love yourself first to be able to love someone else, but had I loved myself, I would have never ended up like that. Oh, I don’t know what you mean. I don’t understand you, you’re complicated, I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. You pretentious fuck.

You left me without a single positive thing to remember you by. And I pity you. I pity you because of your lack of emotion, compassion, your lack of warmth. I pity every person close to you. They must be freezing.

[cherryplumbubblegum]

“Whatever was suffocating me for ages finally let go of me. Our eyes met, I took a deep breath. Where have you been? I almost forgot how to breathe.”

[cherryplumbubblegum]

“I could rip out my heart and let it stop beating in your damn hand but you still wouldn’t look at me, would you?”

[cherryplumbubblegum]

"Don't apologize. You're supposed to apologize when you do something you didn't know was wrong, not when you do something you knew wasn't the right thing to do."

[cherryplumbubblegum]

"I'm broken and I just want to be fucking held."

[cherryplumbubblegum]

"I've seen her happy, laughing at the silliest things. Smiling at strangers who passed her by. I've seen her dancing and singing on the balcony. I have seen her strolling around the city, buying fruits at the market place. I've seen her sad. Upset. Devastated. Angry. I have seen her crying on the bathroom floor, screaming. I've seen her hands shaking, her lips trembling. But the worst part is, I have never truly seen her. But I see her now. Everywhere."

[cherryplumbubblegum]

"Where do you get that from? The calmness when people try to rip you open? And the way you smile when your eyes are glazed over? What is that all about?" She just laughed from the other side of the room : "They don't stop hitting if you cry, so what's the point?"

[cherryplumbubblegum]

I grieved, I cried, I even screamed and bawled my eyes out. It was strange, this absence of yours. But it was also the best thing ever. Thanks for leaving. Don’t come back.

[cherryplumbubblegum]

No, don't flatter yourself. You weren't an asshole. You were just a coward.

[cherryplumbubblegum]

I wanted to run away from here. Far away. I wanted to sit on the rooftop, have pale lights shine in my face and the summer breeze gently graze my shoulders. I wanted to hear the sounds of the noisy street below me, laughing, shouting, everything. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to run away from here.

[cherryplumbubblegum]

Her voice was calm, she tucked her hair behind her ear. She smiled. Yet, as she turned around, a single tear ran down her cheek. I don't think I have ever seen such power.