🖤

i‘m tryna get along with my trauma here.

[cherxphxbic]

Ich will dich wirklich ungern verlieren,

aber das scheint dich nicht so

richtig zu interessiern.

Ich rede mich um Kopf und Kragen,

um dir in tausend verschiedenen Worten zu sagen,

wie viel Potenzial wir

meiner Meinung nach noch haben.

Aber meine Worte kommen bei dir nicht an, denn du hast schon längst damit angefangen, die Gründe dagegen gegen die dafür aufzuwiegen

und je mehr ich dich will,

umso mehr scheint deine Überzeugung zu siegen, dass ich es nicht wert bin.

Dass du lieber alleine,

als bei mir sein willst.

[cherxphxbic]

Sometimes it scares me-

how easily I let myself be soft with you.

I've always been strong,

the kind who figures things out alone.

But with you...

I let myself break.

I let myself want you.

Need you.

And maybe that's what makes me anxious: not you,

but the way I let my guard fall

just to love you.

Because if this unravels... what will I be left with?

And how do I face myself,

knowing i gave someone

the parts of me

I swore I'd always protect?

[cherxphxbic]

i could write entire poems about you

like my hands were made for it.

i could write about

they way you smiled.

the way you left.

the way i still find you

in places that have nothing to do with you.

i could write until my hands ache,

and my eyes burn,

and the pages stop feeling empty.

because paper is the only place

you will stay.

but if someone says your name out loud,

suddenly,

everything in me forgets how to speak.

my throat closes.

my chest tightens.

and all the words

that loved you so easily on paper

die in me

all at once.

[aaqiyourakhi]

[cherxphxbic]

you never deserved me.

i was just blinded by the idea of you,

for years,

so tat i never saw the real you.

but now as i know the real you

i see what everyone else sees

that you never deserved me

because i feel like a bunch of lovely butterflies

and you feel like a graveyard on a cloudy winters day

[cherxphxbic]

and maybe it was my fault.

you were putting me through hell

and i was okay with it.

as long as i had you.

[imagination]

[cherxphxbic]

to him she was just

some girl, but to her, oh

wow.

she saw every one of his flaws

as a perfection.

she had pictured them

together a million times.

she cried until there

was nothing left, unable to

breathe over this boy.

he wasn‘t just another boy to her.

she would do anything for him.

only if she had the chance.

oh but in another world.

[cherxphxbic]

yes i‘ve let go

but there‘s nights where i

curl up into a ball

and i cry

i cry until i can barely

breath

i cry until i feel sick

i cry until my head starts

bounding and my vision

gets blurry

because no matter how

many times i say i hate you

no matter how many times

i try to forget you

the hole you dug up in my

heart will always be there

and i can‘t do anything

about it.

[cherxphxbic]

Did you just come back

into my life again

to make my heart bleed

and reopen old sores

like you always do?

[cherxphxbic]

i‘m glad

i get to say

i saw a side of you

no one else saw

[cherxphxbic]

if he‘d find my tumblr,

he‘d finally know

how much he means to me.

[cherxphxbic]

tell me why tf i gotta crave sm for your attention.

why was it always me asking myself „am i pretty enough?“ or „where did we go wrong?“ „does he like how i look?“

i feel like our souls are connected somehow. i can feel when ur sad or you‘re in a bad mental state.

i always wanted to help you to get out of that, but how can you help someone who doesn‘t let you touch their soul?

i got addicted to the thought of you. you gave me so much pleasure and pain at the same time and i still don‘t know how to let that shit go.

they always say „two people who can‘t stay away from each other are two people who are meant for each other“, but what if there‘s only one person who can‘t let go?

[distractful]

mood: i wanna travel the world and learn stuff and grow as a person

[cherxphxbic]

hearing your voice today

felt like my heart was a volcano.

inactive since u disappeared,

but erupted when i heard you talking today.

it‘s dangerous

but you still feel like home.

[cherxphxbic]

and i could write about the most beautiful things.

i could describe everything ethereal in our existing world. i had no limit.

until i met you. you were impossible to capture.

no word ever compared to your soul & there was never a way to lay you down into a sheet of paper & of course i tried, who wouldn‘t?

i felt drawn to writing about you.

and truthfully some of my best poetry is about you, though i could never get it quite right.

you were always so free, never belonging to only me.

you were the poem i never dared to capture. and for this i thank you, for you were the one thing i never saw solely as poetry.

[cherxphxbic]

someday you will get it,

that i was never like the others,

who hurt you and made you trust less.

and when you get it,

you will feel regret.

but it will be too late.

and i‘m sorry,

i‘m sorry that i couldn‘t be

the one to save you.