So many people dont understand this concept. When I say I am happily single, my coworkers laugh âOh that never lasts long!â Am I talking to someone? Yeah, but am I trying to start a relationship? No not really. Weâve been talking on a daily basis since the end of July, about 4 months. But that doesnt mean we have to rush. Rush is all I used to do and it never worked.
I have been in 4 relationships. The first was with a girl named Katherine, who I nicknamed Kitty. We dated for about a month and she said I love you first on the second date.
The second was with a good friend of mine, my best friend in highschool. I dated him because everyone told me I should and he said I love you even before we were dating. That relationship lasted 2 months.
The third was also in highschool, a peer of mine and we trauma bonded over our depression. He said I love you first after 2 weeks and that relationship lasted 7 months.
The fourth and last was my ex who I had a child with. After 3 weeks of dating, he said I love you first. That relationship lasted 1 year.
I have never said I love you first. And when the other person said it, I felt as if it was an obligation to say it back. While some relationships were healthier then others, I never truly felt those butterflies of being in love. I was worried about my parents finding out, stressed that I wasnt good enough, or so depressed that I felt as if the only way I could do anything right in a relationship was the physical aspect.
Never again do I want to feel obligated to respond to an âI love youâ before Iâm ready. And never again do I want to rush into the emotions and title of âboyfriend/girlfriendâ before Iâm ready.
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