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First Man: More Like Boring Man

The trailer to First Man looks great and then you see it opening night and it’s a garbage movie. You could go to the bathroom at any time and still not care about the hero. There are spoilers below, but there’s much to learn from the bad movie. Here’s a list of 12 things they did wrong.

1) THE SAME BEAT OVER AND OVER - Seems like someone dies in this movie every 18 minutes. Family members, friends, astronauts. A single death is a tragedy; a dozen deaths makes the audience stop caring. More people die in First Man than in Halloween.

2) SHOW DON’T TELL - The characters just tell and tell and tell and they don’t show all the events that move the story forward. The audience will remember things that are shown, not told. That’s how exposition works. When some of the astronauts die in Act 2, we are told they are dead by the cast and the audience is supposed to remember them. How are we supposed to remember them when every astronaut is a white guy who looks like the other white guys?

3) HERO ISN’T LIKEABLE - Not every hero has to be a good guy, but you shouldn’t be rooting against the hero at the end of the movie. Neil never did anything likable. His kids didn’t even seem to care if he lived or died on the moon, why should the audience? Are we just supposed to like him because his daughter died at the beginning of the movie which just starts a never-ending bad ride of deaths? As the story unfolds, Neil went from an okay guy who’s sad to a total dick.

4)TOO COMPLEX - The movie did a horrible job of explaining to the audience what is going with the missions in lamen’s terms. If you don’t know all the facts about the events leading to the moon landing, good luck figuring them out. The film expects the audience to know these things and you end up asking people sitting next to you during the movie about this, this, and that. Too confusing for regular folk.

5) ALL THE MAJOR CONSEQUENCES AFFECTED NASA AND NOT THE HERO - For a movie titled First Man, all the major consequences affected NASA and didn’t directly affect the hero as much. At some point, NASA. was supposed to lose money, but Neil kept getting a bigger house and better stuff.

6) LACK OF EXCITEMENT - There was no build up to when they landed on the moon. Where were all the people watching it all over the world? Where was Russia? The moment we all know and love from history was so anti-climatic that it made you wonder if the moon landing really was a hoax.

7) NO CLEAR ANTAGONIST - The movie “talked” about Russia a lot but never showed them. Also, people protested against NASA but this fell by the wayside halfway through the movie. Was space supposed to be the antagonist? Because it didn’t get in the way of their final goal.

8) GOAL IS TOO EASY - The landing on the moon was so short and easy. No audience rooting. No problems on the way. No Houston. No millions of people watching the moon landing on TV. They only mentioned them after the goal is accomplished. It made the climax such a lackluster moment.

9) HERO ISN’T RELATABLE - Was Neil Armstrong an asshole in real life? Because this movie makes you wonder that. It’s one thing to not be likable, but he’s not even relatable. There was one scene that showed Neil had a sense of humor in act 1, but then he just became a prick that avoided his family any chance he could. In this film, Neil Armstrong is like the anti-Rocky Balboa.

10) YOU’RE ROOTING FOR A DIVORCE - Neil Amstrong became such a schmuck to his wife and kids in this movie, you want Claire Foy to get a divorce and when she doesn’t, you get mad at her too.

11) IDENTICAL CAST - It’s 2018, why is every person in this movie who’s forwarding the story a straight white guy in his 30’s? This is minor compared to all the other problems this movie had, but it’s still worth mentioning.

12) BORING - The movie never really picks up speed and gets interesting. Even Ryan Gosling can’t fix an unlikable hero and a story that has no excitement. Wouldn’t recommend this snoozefest to anyone. If you’re looking for an all-star performance and good story, go see A Star is Born.

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TV Shows about Teachers - Ranked From Best to Worst

Lately, there’s been a lot of TV shows about teachers. In less than one season we’ve had “Get Educated,” “Mr. Robinson,” “Teachers,” and “Those Who Can’t.” I’m a fan of this because we have a surplus of shows about the F.B.I, doctors, superheroes, C.S.I. etc. and not enough about the profession that makes the biggest difference. Sometimes TV shows get it right and sometimes they don’t. This is a list from Best to Worst of TV shows about Teachers.

#1 “Get Educated” - “ Take “Modern Family” or “The Office,” but replace the cast with a group of teachers and teenagers. Jokes that punch you in the face and make you gut-bustingly laugh. The show doesn’t try to be funny by having the teachers be outrageous. Instead, it’s genuine, clever, and it really shows how teachers can make a difference. And how students can make a difference to the lives of teachers.

#2 “Boston Public” - Some serious sh*t happened on “Boston Public.” It was a drama like no other. At the time, it was groundbreaking and sent chills down your spine with the conflicts these teachers had to deal with. It scared many of us who wanted to become teachers, but it was great TV.

#3 “Welcome Back, Kotter” - How could you not love the hero of this show? Gabe Kotter, a compassionate teacher returns to hit roots and teaches the troubled class called The Sweathogs. And look how f*cking young John Travolta was.

#4 “Teachers” - TV Land just got a whole lot more vulgar. Let’s see if it works out for them. “Teachers” is based on the webseries of the same name and it has some pretty crazy jokes. It feels almost like “South Park” at times with a bunch of teachers. And I like both those things.

#5 “Mr. Peepers” - A lost gem of the 1950′s. Mr. Peepers was a science teachers who faced a ton of funny problems, but he was never outsmarted. He was the true definition of a nice guy and a nice TV show.

#6 “Glee” - The show started off strong and the teacher storylines captured your attention and you really rooted for Emma and Will to be together. The one problem with the show (and also why it was successful so this is just my opinion) was it was just too much singing.

#7 “Mr. Robinson”- This show had some potential, but it just wasn’t enough to last. Craig Robinson is a super likable guy, but I feel we just want to see him in an ensemble comedy.

#8 “Those Who Can’t” - The most likable character on this show is the librarian. She also gives the best performance and she’s not even a teacher. Does anyone else find it weird that “Teachers” and “Those Who Can’t” came out around the exact same time and “Teachers” is all about female teachers and “Those Who Can’t” is all about male teachers. The show has potential and it feels a lot like “It’s Always Sunny,” but it has to find its groove. It would help if it had more female main characters. Tru TV already renewed it for a 2nd season, so hopefully it gets better.